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The Toxicity of Absolutes
writing
musings
absolutes
perfection
forever

You aren't perfect. You won't be my one and only. I doubt we will be together forever. But in reality.. does that even matter?

There are so many things thrust upon as by society as 'true', 'right' and 'the way it should be', but largely, these things are just idealised versions of a set of narrow minded views, largely stemming from religious 'morals'. But in their 'ideal' and 'moral' state.. they are ultimately just causing us harm.

Why do we deal so often in absolutes, when the true depth and colour of life is detailed in the greys between? By adhering to these notions of black and white, we find ourselves hurt or cheated when things fall outside those arbitrary bounds. You aren't perfect.. but you are beautiful, with your flaws serving as the frame that accentuates your positives.

The 'morality' of one true love, eternally partnered til death, is spoken of as a blessing. You meet this person, they make you whole and complete you. But why are we not already whole? Are we not able to be sufficient in ourselves? This line of reasoning may sound lonely, even isolationist, but to find completeness in ourselves says nothing of our ability to connect with others. And when we do reach out, connecting and sharing as our whole self; we're no longer searching for that which completes us, but are able to share our passion, our love, and ourselves unconditionally.

When we share ourselves as a whole, why should we hold back that overflowing love for just one. As a mother can love two children equally, a person can love others the same. Released from this isolation, we are free to share our passions and strengths with those who truly appreciate them for what they are. We are all random sums of thoughts, interests and abilities; and while we may find a partial match in others, we are unlikely to ever find our exact fit in another, and realistically, we shouldn't have to. In a singular we are trapped to find the 'perfect match', or to comprise, going without. But now freed, we can fully satisfy ourselves, without detracting from those that don't share our ideals. You won't be my one and only.. but the connection we will share will run deeper than any.

We're taught that endings are wraught with pain, something lost, gone forever. We delude ourselves with these myths, allow the feelings surrounding them to drag us down, or keep us from ever approaching those ends. But why should an end be painful? It doesn't change what was, and for a large part is has little impact on what is yet to be.

We grow throughout our lives, at our own pace, as we follow along our own paths. While there are times that we share the road with others, there will come times that those paths must split, showing us new and exciting things. Just as a fork in a road causes us no harm, why do we let these partings hinder us? Be thankful for the experiences shared, remember that feeling, and look forward to what waits in store. A parting now may just be the prelude to a reconnection in future, with even greater growth, experiences, and stories to share. I doubt we will be together forever.. but I will always cherish the times we walked our path together, and if we meet again down the road, I will rejoice in the reunion as we share our tales.

Life is the culmination of our experience, and the frameset we choose to see it through. I for one choose to ignore those absolutes, to free myself from the toxic 'needs' forced upon me. I will live in the middle, in the colours of the grey, and energise myself on the passionate journeys; both experienced and told.