diff --git a/packages/gittensory-miner/bin/gittensory-miner.js b/packages/gittensory-miner/bin/gittensory-miner.js
index 2f615aa4a4..cf09f37871 100755
--- a/packages/gittensory-miner/bin/gittensory-miner.js
+++ b/packages/gittensory-miner/bin/gittensory-miner.js
@@ -3,6 +3,7 @@ import { createRequire } from "node:module";
 import { printHelp, printVersion, runCli } from "../lib/cli.js";
 import { runDenyCheck } from "../lib/deny-check.js";
 import { runStateCli } from "../lib/run-state-cli.js";
+import { runDoctor, runStatus } from "../lib/status.js";
 import {
   awaitOpportunisticUpdateCheck,
   resolveUpgradeCommand,
@@ -10,6 +11,18 @@ import {
 } from "../lib/update-check.js";
 
 const cliArgs = process.argv.slice(2);
+
+// `status` and `doctor` are strictly local, offline commands — their contract is to make NO network calls. Dispatch
+// them BEFORE the opportunistic npm-registry update check is even started, so they can never reach that network
+// path (the update check runs for the remaining commands below).
+if (cliArgs[0] === "status") {
+  process.exit(runStatus(cliArgs.slice(1)));
+}
+
+if (cliArgs[0] === "doctor") {
+  process.exit(runDoctor(cliArgs.slice(1)));
+}
+
 const require = createRequire(import.meta.url);
 const packageName = "@jsonbored/gittensory-miner";
 const packageVersion = require("../package.json").version;
diff --git a/packages/gittensory-miner/lib/cli.js b/packages/gittensory-miner/lib/cli.js
index b3a7de94c1..4769680e8d 100644
--- a/packages/gittensory-miner/lib/cli.js
+++ b/packages/gittensory-miner/lib/cli.js
@@ -14,6 +14,8 @@ export function printHelp(input) {
       "  gittensory-miner --version",
       "  gittensory-miner help",
       "  gittensory-miner version",
+      "  gittensory-miner status [--json]                              Show installed versions + local state paths",
+      "  gittensory-miner doctor [--json]                              Check this laptop is set up correctly",
       "  gittensory-miner hooks check --tool <name> --input <json> [--json]",
       "  gittensory-miner state get <owner/repo> [--json]",
       "  gittensory-miner state set <owner/repo> <idle|discovering|planning|preparing> [--json]",
diff --git a/packages/gittensory-miner/lib/status.d.ts b/packages/gittensory-miner/lib/status.d.ts
new file mode 100644
index 0000000000..62edb3e2b0
--- /dev/null
+++ b/packages/gittensory-miner/lib/status.d.ts
@@ -0,0 +1,23 @@
+export type MinerStatus = {
+  package: { name: string; version: string | null };
+  engine: { name: string; version: string | null };
+  node: string;
+  stateDir: string;
+  configFile: string | null;
+};
+
+export type DoctorCheck = {
+  name: string;
+  ok: boolean;
+  detail: string;
+};
+
+export function resolveMinerStateDir(env?: Record<string, string | undefined>): string;
+
+export function collectStatus(env?: Record<string, string | undefined>, cwd?: string): MinerStatus;
+
+export function runStatus(args?: string[], env?: Record<string, string | undefined>, cwd?: string): number;
+
+export function runDoctorChecks(env?: Record<string, string | undefined>): DoctorCheck[];
+
+export function runDoctor(args?: string[], env?: Record<string, string | undefined>): number;
diff --git a/packages/gittensory-miner/lib/status.js b/packages/gittensory-miner/lib/status.js
new file mode 100644
index 0000000000..19755da74d
--- /dev/null
+++ b/packages/gittensory-miner/lib/status.js
@@ -0,0 +1,145 @@
+import { existsSync, mkdirSync, rmSync, writeFileSync } from "node:fs";
+import { createRequire } from "node:module";
+import { homedir } from "node:os";
+import { join } from "node:path";
+
+// Slim laptop-mode CLI commands (#2288): `status` (what's installed + where local state lives) and `doctor` (is
+// this laptop set up correctly). Both are read-only and 100% local — no repo-scanning, no coding-agent invocation,
+// no GitHub writes, and no network calls of any kind. Later phases add the real discover/plan/manage loop.
+
+const require = createRequire(import.meta.url);
+
+const PACKAGE_NAME = "@jsonbored/gittensory-miner";
+const ENGINE_PACKAGE = "@jsonbored/gittensory-engine";
+// Config-file discovery order (mirrors the `.gittensory-miner.yml` precedence the goal-spec parser documents).
+const CONFIG_FILE_CANDIDATES = Object.freeze([
+  ".gittensory-miner.yml",
+  ".github/gittensory-miner.yml",
+  ".gittensory-miner.json",
+  ".github/gittensory-miner.json",
+]);
+
+/** The miner's local-state directory (holds the run-state / queue / ledger SQLite files). */
+export function resolveMinerStateDir(env = process.env) {
+  const explicitConfigDir = typeof env.GITTENSORY_MINER_CONFIG_DIR === "string"
+    ? env.GITTENSORY_MINER_CONFIG_DIR.trim()
+    : "";
+  if (explicitConfigDir) return explicitConfigDir;
+
+  const configHome = typeof env.XDG_CONFIG_HOME === "string" && env.XDG_CONFIG_HOME.trim()
+    ? env.XDG_CONFIG_HOME.trim()
+    : join(homedir(), ".config");
+  return join(configHome, "gittensory-miner");
+}
+
+function readOwnVersion() {
+  try {
+    return require("../package.json").version ?? null;
+  } catch {
+    return null;
+  }
+}
+
+// The pinned @jsonbored/gittensory-engine version this miner is built against, read from the miner's own declared
+// dependency. (The engine package's `exports` map blocks `require("<pkg>/package.json")`, and its built `dist` may
+// be absent depending on build order, so the declared-dependency version is the reliable, always-available source.)
+function readEngineVersion() {
+  try {
+    return require("../package.json").dependencies?.[ENGINE_PACKAGE] ?? null;
+  } catch {
+    return null;
+  }
+}
+
+/** The minimum Node major version from the package's `engines.node` floor (e.g. ">=22.13.0" → 22). */
+function requiredNodeMajor() {
+  const engines = require("../package.json").engines;
+  const match = typeof engines?.node === "string" ? engines.node.match(/(\d+)/) : null;
+  return match ? Number(match[1]) : 0;
+}
+
+function discoverConfigFile(cwd) {
+  for (const candidate of CONFIG_FILE_CANDIDATES) {
+    const path = join(cwd, candidate);
+    if (existsSync(path)) return path;
+  }
+  return null;
+}
+
+/** Gather the read-only status snapshot. Pure w.r.t. its (env, cwd) inputs — no writes, no network. */
+export function collectStatus(env = process.env, cwd = process.cwd()) {
+  const stateDir = resolveMinerStateDir(env);
+  return {
+    package: { name: PACKAGE_NAME, version: readOwnVersion() },
+    engine: { name: ENGINE_PACKAGE, version: readEngineVersion() },
+    node: process.version,
+    stateDir,
+    configFile: discoverConfigFile(cwd),
+  };
+}
+
+function renderStatusText(status) {
+  return [
+    `${status.package.name} ${status.package.version ?? "unknown"} (node ${status.node})`,
+    `engine: ${status.engine.name} ${status.engine.version ?? "unresolved"}`,
+    `state dir: ${status.stateDir}`,
+    `config file: ${status.configFile ?? "none found"}`,
+  ].join("\n");
+}
+
+export function runStatus(args = [], env = process.env, cwd = process.cwd()) {
+  const status = collectStatus(env, cwd);
+  console.log(args.includes("--json") ? JSON.stringify(status, null, 2) : renderStatusText(status));
+  return 0;
+}
+
+function checkStateDirWritable(stateDir) {
+  const probe = join(stateDir, ".gittensory-miner-write-probe");
+  try {
+    // Creating the dir and writing (then removing) a probe file proves it is writable — the state dir must be
+    // creatable/writable for the local SQLite stores to work.
+    mkdirSync(stateDir, { recursive: true, mode: 0o700 });
+    writeFileSync(probe, "");
+    rmSync(probe, { force: true });
+    return { name: "state-dir-writable", ok: true, detail: stateDir };
+  } catch (error) {
+    return {
+      name: "state-dir-writable",
+      ok: false,
+      detail: `${stateDir}: ${error instanceof Error ? error.message : "not writable"}`,
+    };
+  }
+}
+
+/** Run the doctor checks. Returns an array of { name, ok, detail }; only writes a transient probe in the state dir,
+ *  never touches the network. */
+export function runDoctorChecks(env = process.env) {
+  const nodeMajor = Number(process.versions.node.split(".")[0]);
+  const requiredMajor = requiredNodeMajor();
+  const engineVersion = readEngineVersion();
+  return [
+    {
+      name: "node-version",
+      ok: nodeMajor >= requiredMajor,
+      detail: `node ${process.version} (requires >= ${requiredMajor})`,
+    },
+    {
+      name: "engine-resolves",
+      ok: engineVersion !== null,
+      detail: engineVersion ? `${ENGINE_PACKAGE} ${engineVersion}` : `${ENGINE_PACKAGE} not resolvable`,
+    },
+    checkStateDirWritable(resolveMinerStateDir(env)),
+  ];
+}
+
+export function runDoctor(args = [], env = process.env) {
+  const checks = runDoctorChecks(env);
+  const failed = checks.filter((check) => !check.ok);
+  if (args.includes("--json")) {
+    console.log(JSON.stringify({ ok: failed.length === 0, checks }, null, 2));
+  } else {
+    for (const check of checks) console.log(`${check.ok ? "ok  " : "FAIL"} ${check.name}: ${check.detail}`);
+    if (failed.length > 0) console.error(`doctor: ${failed.length} check(s) failed`);
+  }
+  return failed.length === 0 ? 0 : 1;
+}
diff --git a/packages/gittensory-miner/package.json b/packages/gittensory-miner/package.json
index 0d3cf6c1f5..a4003e613d 100644
--- a/packages/gittensory-miner/package.json
+++ b/packages/gittensory-miner/package.json
@@ -31,7 +31,7 @@
     "lib"
   ],
   "scripts": {
-    "build": "node --check bin/gittensory-miner.js && node --check lib/cli.js && node --check lib/deny-check.js && node --check lib/run-state-cli.js && node --check lib/update-check.js && node --check lib/opportunity-fanout.js && node --check lib/ci-poller.js && node --check lib/run-state.js && node --check lib/deny-hooks.js && node --check lib/event-ledger.js && node --check lib/claim-ledger.js && node --check lib/portfolio-queue.js && node --check lib/opportunity-ranker.js && node --check lib/plan-store.js && node --check lib/rejection-templates.js && node --check lib/governor-ledger.js"
+    "build": "node --check bin/gittensory-miner.js && node --check lib/cli.js && node --check lib/deny-check.js && node --check lib/run-state-cli.js && node --check lib/update-check.js && node --check lib/opportunity-fanout.js && node --check lib/ci-poller.js && node --check lib/run-state.js && node --check lib/deny-hooks.js && node --check lib/event-ledger.js && node --check lib/claim-ledger.js && node --check lib/portfolio-queue.js && node --check lib/opportunity-ranker.js && node --check lib/plan-store.js && node --check lib/rejection-templates.js && node --check lib/governor-ledger.js && node --check lib/status.js"
   },
   "dependencies": {
     "@jsonbored/gittensory-engine": "0.1.0"
diff --git a/test/unit/miner-status.test.ts b/test/unit/miner-status.test.ts
new file mode 100644
index 0000000000..276841d411
--- /dev/null
+++ b/test/unit/miner-status.test.ts
@@ -0,0 +1,86 @@
+import { mkdtempSync, rmSync, writeFileSync } from "node:fs";
+import { tmpdir } from "node:os";
+import { join } from "node:path";
+import { afterEach, describe, expect, it, vi } from "vitest";
+import {
+  collectStatus,
+  resolveMinerStateDir,
+  runDoctor,
+  runDoctorChecks,
+  runStatus,
+} from "../../packages/gittensory-miner/lib/status.js";
+
+const roots: string[] = [];
+
+function tempRoot() {
+  const root = mkdtempSync(join(tmpdir(), "gittensory-miner-status-"));
+  roots.push(root);
+  return root;
+}
+
+afterEach(() => {
+  vi.restoreAllMocks();
+  vi.unstubAllGlobals();
+  for (const root of roots.splice(0)) rmSync(root, { recursive: true, force: true });
+});
+
+describe("gittensory-miner status/doctor (#2288)", () => {
+  it("resolves the state dir from the config-dir override, XDG, then the home default", () => {
+    expect(resolveMinerStateDir({ GITTENSORY_MINER_CONFIG_DIR: "/custom/state" })).toBe("/custom/state");
+    expect(resolveMinerStateDir({ XDG_CONFIG_HOME: "/xdg" })).toBe("/xdg/gittensory-miner");
+    expect(resolveMinerStateDir({})).toMatch(/\/\.config\/gittensory-miner$/);
+  });
+
+  it("collectStatus reports the installed versions, state dir, and config-file discovery", () => {
+    const root = tempRoot();
+    writeFileSync(join(root, ".gittensory-miner.yml"), "minerEnabled: true\n");
+    const status = collectStatus({ GITTENSORY_MINER_CONFIG_DIR: join(root, "state") }, root);
+    expect(status.package.name).toBe("@jsonbored/gittensory-miner");
+    expect(typeof status.package.version).toBe("string");
+    expect(status.engine.name).toBe("@jsonbored/gittensory-engine");
+    expect(status.stateDir).toBe(join(root, "state"));
+    expect(status.configFile).toBe(join(root, ".gittensory-miner.yml")); // discovered
+  });
+
+  it("runStatus prints human-readable text (0) and machine JSON with --json", () => {
+    const log = vi.spyOn(console, "log").mockImplementation(() => {});
+    expect(runStatus([], { GITTENSORY_MINER_CONFIG_DIR: "/s" }, tempRoot())).toBe(0);
+    expect(String(log.mock.calls[0]?.[0])).toContain("@jsonbored/gittensory-miner");
+    log.mockClear();
+    expect(runStatus(["--json"], { GITTENSORY_MINER_CONFIG_DIR: "/s" }, tempRoot())).toBe(0);
+    expect(JSON.parse(String(log.mock.calls[0]?.[0])).stateDir).toBe("/s");
+  });
+
+  it("doctor passes on a healthy setup (writable state dir under this Node)", () => {
+    const log = vi.spyOn(console, "log").mockImplementation(() => {});
+    const checks = runDoctorChecks({ GITTENSORY_MINER_CONFIG_DIR: join(tempRoot(), "state") });
+    expect(checks.every((check) => check.ok)).toBe(true);
+    expect(checks.map((check) => check.name)).toEqual(["node-version", "engine-resolves", "state-dir-writable"]);
+    expect(runDoctor([], { GITTENSORY_MINER_CONFIG_DIR: join(tempRoot(), "state") })).toBe(0);
+    expect(log).toHaveBeenCalled();
+  });
+
+  it("doctor fails (exit 1) when the state directory cannot be created", () => {
+    vi.spyOn(console, "log").mockImplementation(() => {});
+    const errorLog = vi.spyOn(console, "error").mockImplementation(() => {});
+    // Point the state dir UNDER a regular file → mkdir throws ENOTDIR.
+    const root = tempRoot();
+    const filePath = join(root, "not-a-dir");
+    writeFileSync(filePath, "");
+    const env = { GITTENSORY_MINER_CONFIG_DIR: join(filePath, "state") };
+    expect(runDoctorChecks(env).find((check) => check.name === "state-dir-writable")?.ok).toBe(false);
+    expect(runDoctor([], env)).toBe(1);
+    expect(errorLog).toHaveBeenCalled();
+  });
+
+  it("makes no network calls", () => {
+    const fetchStub = vi.fn(() => {
+      throw new Error("network calls are forbidden");
+    });
+    vi.stubGlobal("fetch", fetchStub);
+    vi.spyOn(console, "log").mockImplementation(() => {});
+    runStatus(["--json"], { GITTENSORY_MINER_CONFIG_DIR: join(tempRoot(), "state") }, tempRoot());
+    runDoctor([], { GITTENSORY_MINER_CONFIG_DIR: join(tempRoot(), "state") });
+    expect(fetchStub).not.toHaveBeenCalled();
+  });
+});