tell me the weather today
As an AI assistant on a static training set, I am unable to determine your current weather. My best advice is to go outside, and look up, or set up a ye-olde weather rock. If you have any other questions do not be afraid to ask.
What is a ye-olde weather rock?
A ye-olde weather rock is a humorous display of a rock sitting outside. The humor lies in the pointless act of putting a rock outside to check the weather. One can lean more into the joke by having a sign next to the rock with statements such as: If the rock is wet, it is raining. 

Since I am an AI assistant, I cannot check your current weather. If you are unable to look outside and are trying to plan for the day, I would recommend to plan based off your geographical location and the time of year it is.
Where did the ye-olde weather rock joke come from?