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Learn Brogramming the Hard Way.odp
README.md

README.md

Learn Brogramming the Hard Way

A fifteen-minute comedy routine riffing on the Brogramming meme. Performed as the uber-bro character "Chad," this presentation showcases a framework for improving oneself as a brogrammer called The Brotocol - Grok, Trunk and Live.

A one-time-only performance given at Twilio Conference, September 2011.

Outline

  • Introduction
    • "Hold on - Windows is booting up."
    • "Rob couldn't make it tonight- He had a muni league Ultimate Frisbee tournament to go to. Yeah, it's quarterfinals - it's pretty intense."
    • "I'm Rob's buddy Chad and I've basically been a brogrammer since before I could walk."
    • "Totally got started brogramming in PE class at Robert F. Kennedy Elementary in the Hamptons. Strong Island, bro, Strong Island."
    • "Someone left their Sony Vaio on the lacrosse field open to Visual Studio, and it wasn't long before I was ripping the dank code, impressing the shawties with my Friendster / Last.fm mashup running on VB."
    • "Some people weren't born a totally chill brosiah. Some people just weren't born with the body that rocks the party. Some people are just dudes."
    • "I was thinking about this when I was sitting in a Scrum meeting when the Product Owner turns to me and says this Requirement is now defined, and I'm like, 'Cool Story, bro - but how does that make me a better brogrammer?'"
    • "So I totally bailed on of the coworking conference couch we were renting, hopped into my Jeep Grand Cherokee and went straight to the gym to rage and think how a brogrammer can re-up his game so he can rep 24/7."
  • The Brotocol
    • Low-level code is for suckers. If you're a real brogrammer, you use a framework.
    • In the immortal words of Brosef Stalin, "Dude, I'm way too faded to build this shiz. Imma have some other broheims do the grunge work. Totes magotes."
    • Presenting The Brotocol
    • A simple, easy-to-integrate framework for your brogramming lifestyle
    • A way to re-up your game every day and become a better brogrammer.
    • GTL - Grok, Trunk, Live
  • Grok
    • Definition
      • Solid brogrammers expand their knowledge base.
      • You want to be on top of your game, grok something new every day.
    • Tech
      • "The Pragmatic Brogrammer: From Townie to Totally Chill"
      • CLRSS 4th Ed: Coreman, Leiserson, Rivest, Stein and Steezy - The brototypical text on algorithmic design. It's got some great stuff on integrating broroutines and complex shawty distribution maps. Really helps in the club.
      • Resacktoring: Improving the Design of Existing Brode - Sometimes, some slump buster gets into your codebase and harshes your app."
    • Bro Literature
      • ("On the Bro'd" by Jack Kerouac)[http://onthebrod.com/] - "I first met Dean not long after Tryscha and I hooked up. I had just gotten over a wicked fucking hangover that I won’t bother to talk about, except that it had something to do with a six-foot-five douchebag and a beer bong."
      • "Probie Dick" by Herdude Melville - a stunning descent into the obsessive depths of a sea-faring fraternity pledgemaster.
      • My Life by Bill Clinton. That bro gets the ladies.
  • Trunk
    • Definition
      • Trunk is more than just the SVN directory where everyone on your 150 person project commits to HEAD, bro.
      • Trunking is a way of life; it's expanding the tools in your brogramming fanny pack to make you adapt to any situation.
    • Code
      • Datastore: SQL is for chumps, NoSQL is for posers, BroSQL is where it's at.
      • BrongoDB is kinda my fave.
      • Messaging: Bronado. Used at Facebook, and you know those broskis can rage.
      • MVC: BrodeIgniter. PHP, and a Twilio helper library. Everything a bro needs!
    • Music
      • You can't rip on code with busted tunes.
      • You're saying, Chad - Jack Johnson all the way.
      • Listen Brobi Wan Kenobi, we're over it already. It's all about dubstep now.
      • No talent eight bit electro is the new hippie jam band
      • Classical music is great when you're heads down ripping on a feature: Brohannes Brahms, Wolfgang Amadudeus Brozart, and Manheim Steamroller.
      • Whitney Houston: What, bro? It's for my girlfriend.
  • Live
    • Definition
      • Work hard, play hard is, like, the brogrammer credo.
      • When you go out, you're not repping yourself, you're repping all of brokind.
      • Life is short; brogrammers live it up.
    • Gym
      • Don't bring work to the gym, bring your gym to work.
      • Fitness balls and grip exercises are weak.
      • Treadmill desk - cardio while you code.
      • Cisco products - Top-of-rack curls for your biceps, Cat 6k squats for the hardcore
      • 1-5 Rule for Meetings - One pushup for every five slides you see.
    • Party
      • You need to party hard to hang with the Twilio crew. If you don't know, you're about to learn, bro.
      • Beer pong: Go big or go home. If can't divide the total number of cups by twenty, you're at a scrub table.
      • Ice luges: Essential part of any quality brodown. Make sure if you do it up, you live it up.
      • Drinking games: Write a crawlbot that does a case-insensitive regex for "shenanigans" and point it at twilio.com. Take a shot of Grey Goose for every match.
  • Conclusion
    • Conform to the brotocol and you're well on your way to a more steezy life
    • If you GTL every day, I can't guarantee you'll write better code, but I can guarantee you'll be a better brogrammer.
    • btw - if you're a recruiter for Square, you can totally check out my Github. Those dudes know how to brogram.
    • Peace out!

References

Credits

  • Rob Spectre
  • Outline released under GPLv3
  • Slides all a bunch of random shit I found on Google Images.