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| <META HTTP-EQUIV="Content-Type" CONTENT="text/html; charset=iso-8859-1"> | |
| <META NAME="Author" CONTENT="Charlotte Fever"> | |
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| <META NAME="Classification" CONTENT="Movie Reviews"> | |
| <META NAME="Description" CONTENT="Charlotte Fever, Femme Fatale of Film Fanaticism and Drag Diva, freelances as America's most biting movie critic."> | |
| <META NAME="KeyWords" CONTENT="movie reviews, infotainment, entertainment, film, films, blockbuster, drag, silver screen, movies, reviews, gay, queer, lesbian, actor, actress, star, director, comedy, humor, Hollywood"> | |
| <TITLE>Movie Reviews by Charlotte Fever</TITLE> | |
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| <TD><B><FONT FACE="Arial,Helvetica"><FONT COLOR="#FFFFFF"><FONT SIZE=-1><A HREF="index.html">Home</A></FONT></FONT></FONT></B></TD> | |
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| </TABLE></CENTER> | |
| <HR size=4 width="100%"><B><FONT FACE="BallroomTango"><FONT COLOR="#CC33CC"><FONT SIZE=+4>Out | |
| for Reel</FONT></FONT></FONT></B></CENTER> | |
| <CENTER><B><FONT FACE="BallroomTango"><FONT COLOR="#CC33CC"><FONT SIZE=+2>featuring...</FONT></FONT></FONT></B></CENTER> | |
| <CENTER><IMG SRC="feverface.gif" HEIGHT=163 WIDTH=150></CENTER> | |
| <CENTER><IMG SRC="CHAR1.gif" HEIGHT=45 WIDTH=305></CENTER> | |
| <CENTER><B><FONT COLOR="#3333FF">Tischa's '99 Movie Reviews:</FONT></B></CENTER> | |
| <CENTER><B>Wild Wild West * Summer of Sam</B></CENTER> | |
| <CENTER><B><FONT COLOR="#3333FF"><A HREF="http://www.gayuniverse.com/fever17.html">Summer | |
| '99 Movie Review:</A></FONT></B></CENTER> | |
| <CENTER><B>Star Wars: The Phantom Menace</B></CENTER> | |
| <CENTER><B><FONT COLOR="#3333FF"><A HREF="http://www.gayuniverse.com/fever16.html">April | |
| Fool's '99 Movie Review:</A></FONT></B></CENTER> | |
| <CENTER><B>Cookie's Fortune</B></CENTER> | |
| <CENTER><B><FONT COLOR="#3333FF"><A HREF="http://www.gayuniverse.com/fever15.html">Spring | |
| '99 Movie Review:</A></FONT></B></CENTER> | |
| <CENTER><B>The Matrix</B></CENTER> | |
| <CENTER><B><FONT COLOR="#FFFF00"><A HREF="http://www.gayuniverse.com/fever14.html">Valentine's'99 | |
| Movie Review:</A></FONT></B></CENTER> | |
| <CENTER><B>Payback</B></CENTER> | |
| <CENTER><B><FONT COLOR="#FFFF00"><A HREF="http://www.gayuniverse.com/fever13.html">Oprahphobia | |
| Movie Review:</A></FONT></B></CENTER> | |
| <CENTER><B><FONT COLOR="#000000">Beloved</FONT></B></CENTER> | |
| <CENTER><B><FONT COLOR="#FFFF00"><A HREF="http://www.gayuniverse.com/fever12.html">Fall'98 | |
| Movie Reviews:</A></FONT></B></CENTER> | |
| <CENTER><B><FONT COLOR="#000000">How Stella Got Her Groove Back</FONT></B></CENTER> | |
| <CENTER><B><FONT COLOR="#FFFF00"><A HREF="http://www.gayuniverse.com/fever11.html">Zorrosita | |
| Movie Reviews:</A></FONT></B></CENTER> | |
| <CENTER><B><FONT COLOR="#000000">Zorro * Smoke Signals:</FONT></B></CENTER> | |
| <CENTER><B><FONT COLOR="#FFFF00"><A HREF="http://www.gayuniverse.com/fever10.html">Midori | |
| Sour Movie Reviews:</A></FONT></B></CENTER> | |
| <CENTER><B><FONT COLOR="#000000">Mulan * The Chinese Box</FONT></B></CENTER> | |
| <CENTER><B><FONT COLOR="#FFFF00"><A HREF="http://www.gayuniverse.com/fever9.html">BlockBuster | |
| Movie Reviews:</A></FONT></B></CENTER> | |
| <CENTER><B><FONT COLOR="#000000">Godzilla * The Truman Show</FONT></B></CENTER> | |
| <CENTER><B><FONT COLOR="#FFFF00"><A HREF="http://www.gayuniverse.com/fever8.html">Summer'98 | |
| Movie Reviews:</A></FONT></B></CENTER> | |
| <CENTER><B><FONT COLOR="#000000">The Object of my Affection * The Big Hit</FONT></B></CENTER> | |
| <CENTER><B><FONT COLOR="#FFFF00"><A HREF="http://www.gayuniverse.com/fever7.html">Spring'98 | |
| Movie Reviews:</A></FONT></B></CENTER> | |
| <CENTER><B><FONT COLOR="#000000">Mr. Nice Guy * Lost In Space</FONT></B></CENTER> | |
| <CENTER><B><FONT COLOR="#FFFF00"><A HREF="http://www.gayuniverse.com/fever6.html">Christmas'97 | |
| Movie Reviews:</A></FONT></B></CENTER> | |
| <CENTER><B><FONT COLOR="#000000">Mortal Kombat 2 * Alien Resurrection</FONT></B></CENTER> | |
| <CENTER><B><FONT COLOR="#FFFF00"><A HREF="http://www.gayuniverse.com/fever5.html">Southern | |
| Decadence Movie Reviews:</A></FONT></B></CENTER> | |
| <CENTER><B><FONT COLOR="#000000">Midnight in the Garden of Good & Evil | |
| * Eve's Bayou</FONT></B></CENTER> | |
| <CENTER><B><FONT COLOR="#FFFF00"><A HREF="http://www.gayuniverse.com/fever4.html">Galaxa's | |
| Special Movie Reviews:</A></FONT></B></CENTER> | |
| <CENTER><B><FONT COLOR="#000000">Gattaca * Starship Troopers</FONT></B></CENTER> | |
| <CENTER><B><FONT COLOR="#FFFF00"><A HREF="http://www.gayuniverse.com/fever3.htm">Halloween'97 | |
| Movie Reviews:</A></FONT></B></CENTER> | |
| <CENTER><B><FONT COLOR="#000000">I Know What You Did Last Summer * Kiss | |
| The Girls</FONT></B></CENTER> | |
| <CENTER><B><FONT COLOR="#FFFF00"><A HREF="http://www.gayuniverse.com/fever2.html">Fall'97 | |
| Movie Reviews:</A></FONT></B></CENTER> | |
| <CENTER><B><FONT COLOR="#000000"> In & Out * The Game * Event | |
| Horizon * Mimic * GI Jane * Operation Condor * Spawn</FONT></B></CENTER> | |
| <CENTER><B><FONT COLOR="#FFFF00"> <A HREF="http://www.gayuniverse.com/fever1.html">Summer | |
| '97 Movie Reviews:</A></FONT></B></CENTER> | |
| <CENTER><B><FONT COLOR="#000000">Speed 2: Cruise Control * Face/Off * Men | |
| in Black * Batman & Robin * Celestial Clockwork</FONT></B></CENTER> | |
| <FONT SIZE=+1> </FONT> | |
| <BR><FONT SIZE=+1> </FONT> <FONT SIZE=+1> | |
| Yo, yo, what up, people? This is Tischa Turtledove coming at ya in print | |
| from the west-side! My girl, Charlotte, is still laid out in traction at | |
| St. Mary’s, so she asked me to write this month’s column. At first I said, | |
| hell no, cause she wanted me to see that whack film, An Ideal Husband, | |
| and this girl don’t do dead English fops unless the paper is being handed | |
| my way. That was a joke, so if you thought I was serious, you need to check | |
| that shit cause you’re a bigger freak than me. But that’s okay, I ain’t | |
| mad at ya; like Lauryn said, "It’s about that thing." So, if it don’t feel | |
| bad then it must be good.</FONT> | |
| <P> | |
| <TABLE> | |
| <TR> | |
| <TD> | |
| <BR> | |
| <BR> | |
| <BR> | |
| <BR> | |
| <BR> | |
| <BR><IMG SRC="Wildwild.gif" HEIGHT=128 WIDTH=200> | |
| <BR> | |
| <BR> | |
| <BR> </TD> | |
| <TD><FONT SIZE=+1>Anyway, I don’t know what you gay people see in Rupert | |
| Everett. The boy is kind of cute in a goofy sort of way, but what’s up | |
| with that flat butt? Who want’s to grab a handful of pelvic bone? So I | |
| gave Rupert the big brush off and went to see the Wild Wild West instead. | |
| Big Willie, do it to me, says this black lady cause I sure enough can’t | |
| do it to myself--at least not all the time. <I> </I></FONT> | |
| <BR> </TD> | |
| </TR> | |
| <TR> | |
| <TD> </TD> | |
| <TD></TD> | |
| </TR> | |
| </TABLE> | |
| <FONT SIZE=+1> I’ve had my eye | |
| on you Big Willie. Believe me, when your parents didn’t understand, I did. | |
| And if I wasn’t watching the Fresh Prince of Bel-Air then I sure as hell | |
| was taping that fucker. Plus, when you jumped to the big screen, guess | |
| who stood, first in line, with her jumbo popcorn and pepsi in hand? I’m | |
| your number one fan. I saw Independence Day and Men in Black ten times, | |
| and you know your ass should’ve been in Godzilla. So, now that we got all | |
| that established, can you tell me, Big Willie, what the fuck is up? You | |
| gonna take a girl’s seven-fifty for that Wild Wild Bullshit?</FONT> | |
| <P><FONT SIZE=+1> In the movie, | |
| Will stars as Jim West, a womanizing, wise cracking, hip shooting, U.S. | |
| marshal. Kevin Kline plays Artemus Gordon, another marshal, who specializes | |
| in gadgets and disguises. While Big Willie comes in guns blazing like an | |
| old west Rambo, Gordon takes the Martin Luther King approach. Being the | |
| best at what they do, the President sends them both to stop the evil Dr. | |
| Loveless (Kenneth Branagh) from pimping out America to the leaders of France, | |
| Spain, and England.</FONT> | |
| <P><FONT SIZE=+1> Sounds slamming, | |
| right? Wrong. I sat in the theatre, dazed and confused, trying to figure | |
| out who slipped something in my Pepsi, when I realized, it wasn’t my drink | |
| but the scrub movie that was making me ill. I used to think turning TV | |
| shows to movies was a tight idea but somebody fucked up big time here—they | |
| had the nerve to give my girl Selma Hayek a thankless role as a helpless | |
| showgirl who begs Jim and Artemus to help look for her kidnapped father. | |
| I’m over that damsel in distress business; I would’ve set it off with some | |
| Calamity Jane/Annie Oakley stunts, and got that shit done myself.</FONT> | |
| <P><FONT SIZE=+1> If treating | |
| Selma like an extra wasn’t bad enough, you should’ve seen what they did | |
| to Will. Somebody give me the low down on how Big Willie could go from | |
| Men in Black to Man in Dress? I almost choked on my popcorn when he sashayed | |
| on screen tricked out like a reject from a Foxy Brown or Lil’ Kim video. | |
| Tischa don’t go there, Big Willie. Jada, girl, you better watch your man | |
| and make sure he keeps his pants on, cause that shit ain’t cute or funny. | |
| What’s worse is that when I told Charlotte that he didn’t even shave, girlfriend | |
| slipped into a coma and kept mumbling Wild Wild Mess over and over.</FONT> | |
| <P><FONT SIZE=+1> Willie, next | |
| time you put on a dress, do that shit right and don’t embarrass the drag | |
| queens. But hey, I’ll cut you some slack cause I know the director got | |
| desperate and rewrote the script to read: WILL SHAKES HIS ASS DRESSED AS | |
| HAREM WENCH.</FONT> | |
| <BR> | |
| <P><FONT SIZE=+1> Wild Wild West | |
| has bad taste to spare. In one scene a mob gets ready to hang Will, who | |
| shifts into comedian mode to back them off. If that’s all it took I’m sure | |
| the south would’ve had plantations full of Eddie Murphies and Chris Rocks. | |
| Some things you just don’t make fun of, like the holocaust, rape, lynching, | |
| and Omar Epps (I’ll take two scoops of some Omar Epps).</FONT> <FONT SIZE=+1>Think | |
| of all the people who died. I doubt their asses are looking through the | |
| pearly gates, laughing it up. I don’t know if you’re having a personal | |
| crisis, Big Willie, but don’t make me call Jesse Jackson on you. He’ll | |
| round up the NAACP and we’ll march down the streets to your front porch. | |
| We all know Jesse’s always down for a cause, whether it’s protesting Hollywood | |
| bias or speed bumps, so swinging by your house won’t be a problem. I’m | |
| trying not to be righteous. God knows I’m no saint, but at least I know | |
| where to draw the line.</FONT> | |
| <P><FONT SIZE=+1> Don’t go see | |
| this movie. I’m telling you straight up that you will walk out looking | |
| like a victim of a Mac Truck hit & run. I knew something was up when | |
| that bitch on Entertainment Tonight reported that reshoots had to be done | |
| cause of bad test audience results. But did I listen? No, my dumb ass had | |
| to ride the Big Willie and get screwed.</FONT> | |
| <BR> | |
| <BR> | |
| <TABLE BORDER COLS=2 WIDTH="100%" > | |
| <TR> | |
| <TD> | |
| <CENTER><IMG SRC="sos.jpg" HEIGHT=350 WIDTH=225></CENTER> | |
| </TD> | |
| <TD><FONT SIZE=+1>The best thing about Wild Wild Mess was that it was down | |
| the hall from Summer of Sam. After the crap I went through I needed a Spike | |
| Lee Joint. Set in New York City during the summer of 1977, Summer of Sam | |
| deals with serial killer David Berkowitz and the seeds of horror he sows | |
| in an Italian American neighborhood. </FONT></TD> | |
| </TR> | |
| <TR> | |
| <TD></TD> | |
| <TD></TD> | |
| </TR> | |
| </TABLE> | |
| <FONT SIZE=+1> John Leguizamo plays Vinny, the only straight hairdresser | |
| in New York City. Now, Vinny is a low down dirty dog to the tenth degree, | |
| cause he spends his free time cheatin’ on his wife, Dionna, played by Mira | |
| Sorvino. Look, ya’ll got to go see this movie just to see this fool run | |
| his game on my girl Mira like he was the bastard son of Don Juan, Casanova, | |
| and Billy Dee Williams. I looked around and the men in the audience were | |
| taking notes. In one scene, Vinny falls to his knees, wraps his arms around | |
| Dionna’s legs and begs her not to go. I swear, that so many sweet nothings | |
| flew off his lips that I stood up in the theater shouting, “I’ll take you | |
| back, Vinny, ya’ dirty bastard!”</FONT> | |
| <P><FONT SIZE=+1> Vinny tries | |
| to get his act together after his near run in with the Son of Sam; it doesn’t | |
| work. The only way that boy could keep his dick under control would be | |
| for Miss Dionna to put a leash on it. Vinny’s problem, like so many men, | |
| is that he thinks his wife should be virginal and pure, but then he goes | |
| out with every two dollar ho. No wonder my girls can’t get no satisfaction | |
| from you two-minute brothers. Hell, if they wanted to be virgins they would’ve | |
| married God, not your sorry asses. So, men do yourselves a favor; throw | |
| your women on their backs and do those girls the right way, dammit.</FONT> | |
| <P><FONT SIZE=+1> If you | |
| think no one could have worse problems than Miss Dionna you’d be wrong. | |
| My girl, Ruby (Jennifer Esposito) has much more drama on her plate. Not | |
| only is she the neighborhood whore, but her boyfriend Ritchie (Adrien Brody) | |
| is a spiky-haired, dog collar wearing, punk rocker who uses a fake British | |
| accent and shakes his ass for men in a seedy strip joint. Now he may be | |
| the perfect stocking stuffer for Ruby and Charlotte, but like I said before, | |
| Tischa don’t go there.</FONT> | |
| <P><FONT SIZE=+1> | |
| As our two couple's twisted tales of love and heartache unravel, the Son | |
| of Sam (Michael Badalucco) continues his murderous spree through the streets | |
| of New York. His scenes are filmed with some strange film stock that makes | |
| all the colors super saturated and intense. Spike seldom gives us a full-face | |
| shot, preferring to shot Badalucco at angles and from the back. A demonic | |
| dog that constantly barks and a trash filled apartment with dirty dishes | |
| and buzzing flies ups the creep factor even more. Back in the neighborhood | |
| paranoia reaches a whole new level when the neighborhood gang suspects | |
| Ritchie of being the killer.</FONT> | |
| <P><FONT SIZE=+1> But hey, | |
| I’m not gonna ruin the movie and tell you everything that happens. Get | |
| your asses in gear and go see Summer of Sam. I heard that it wasn’t doing | |
| great box office so get out there and support Spike. I loved this movie, | |
| but I gotta say that after the credits rolled I ran to the nearest Baptist | |
| church to pray, cause you know it’s a sign of Armageddon when there are | |
| no black people in a Spike Lee movie. Sure Spike stars as some TV reporter | |
| and his sister Joop, Jisi, or whatever her name is, has a cameo, but that’s | |
| about it. What’s up with that, Spike?</FONT> | |
| <P><FONT SIZE=+1> But I | |
| ain’t mad. In fact, I got a few tips to help earn the dollars. First, you | |
| need to work on this merchandising thing. Look at George Lucas making those | |
| Jar Jar dolls for the kids. You gotta get the Son of Sam dolls on the shelves. | |
| And you can’t forget about Malibu Ruby and her boyfriend Ritchie, complete | |
| with IUD and removable cock ring. Trust me, Spike, they’ll move faster | |
| than Tickle Me Elmo and Beany Babies combined.</FONT> | |
| <BR> | |
| <BR><FONT COLOR="#000000"><FONT SIZE=+1>Copyright 1999</FONT></FONT> | |
| <BR> | |
| <HR WIDTH="100%"> | |
| <CENTER> | |
| <H1> | |
| <FONT COLOR="#000000">Question of the Month</FONT></H1></CENTER> | |
| <CENTER> | |
| <H1> | |
| <FONT COLOR="#000000"><FONT SIZE=+2>" Has the Big Willie bottomed out?"</FONT></FONT></H1></CENTER> | |
| <CENTER> | |
| <H1> | |
| <FORM method=POST action=../cgi/webpost.cgi?fever><INPUT type=hidden name=formtype value=short><INPUT type=submit value="Click Here!"></H1></CENTER> | |
| <CENTER><B><FONT SIZE=+2>Check out <A HREF="http://www.gayuniverse.com/personals/fever_index.html">Charlotte's | |
| Comment Board</A></FONT></B></CENTER> | |
| <CENTER><B><FONT FACE="BallroomTango"><FONT COLOR="#CC33CC"><FONT SIZE=+2>C'mon | |
| Talk to Mama!</FONT></FONT></FONT></B> | |
| <HR width="100%"></CENTER> | |
| | |
| <CENTER><B><FONT FACE="BallroomTango"><FONT COLOR="#CC33CC"><FONT SIZE=+2>Mother's | |
| Favorite Links!</FONT></FONT></FONT></B></CENTER> | |
| <CENTER> | |
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| <CENTER><A HREF="http://www.script-o-rama.com/">Drew's Scripts-O-Rama</A></CENTER> | |
| <CENTER> </CENTER> | |
| <CENTER><A HREF="http://www.movieweb.com/">MovieWeb</A></CENTER> | |
| <CENTER> </CENTER> | |
| <CENTER><A HREF="http://www.theatres.sre.sony.com/trailerpark/">Loew's | |
| Trailer Park</A></CENTER> | |
| <CENTER> </CENTER> | |
| <CENTER><A HREF="http://us.imdb.com/">The Internet Movie Database</A></CENTER> | |
| <CENTER> </CENTER> | |
| <CENTER><A HREF="http://www.bigscreen.com">BigScreen</A></CENTER> | |
| <CENTER> </CENTER> | |
| <CENTER><A HREF="http://www.corona.bc.ca/films/">Coming Attractions</A></CENTER> | |
| <CENTER> </CENTER> | |
| <CENTER><A HREF="http://www.darkhorizons.com/">DarkHorizons.com</A></CENTER> | |
| <CENTER> </CENTER> | |
| <CENTER><A HREF="http://www.scriptsales.com/">Done Deal</A></CENTER> | |
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