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<TITLE>Self Induced Negativity</TITLE>
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<td><center><img src="kervin.jpg" width=161 height=195 alt="" border="0"></center></td>
<td><h2><tt>Hackers Stage Protest, Demand School to "Free Kervin!"</tt></h2></td>
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In a highly organized protest occuring last
saturday, computer hackers gathered in front of Lewis
Junior High School to solicit the release of "Kervin", a
pet rock confiscated at the school computer lab by
teacher Elaine Marken. Kervin, an arrow-head shaped
rock, was impounded nearly 6 months ago when Mrs. Marken
found a group of teenagers trying to "crack" the
computer's CPU with Kervin.
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"This is completely unfair! We know hacking is
illegal. But we don't think smashing the rock into the
disk drive was destructive. In the end, it would have
exposed essential flaws in the architecture," says a
12-year-old hacker by the nick "olos." Olos declined to
mention why those flaws did not exist until he and his
friends clamped a padlock on the network card and
motherboard in an attempt to "secure the system."
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"Free Kervin!" shouts the predominantly male
group gathered in front of the junior high school. They
are an intimidating eight people, unfazed as the other
children toss milk boxes in their faces. One hacker
speaks with a megaphone: "Currently the NYC public
school system has kept Kervin in Mrs. Marken's desk
drawer without bail, without a trial, and has
consistently violated its constitutional rights! This
case affects all of us, and our rights as citizens!"
claims hacker ringleader Emmaculate Goldspleen.
Goldspleen runs a popular hacker 'zine, whose young
kiddie-haxor market also serves as a pool for models for
his photography hobby. Goldspleen declined to
comment on this subject other than this statement:
"Little boys are very beautiful to me and my friend Mr.
Pokey."
<br><br>
Kervin is a modern-day political prisoner who
has been put away for something people don't
understand." Rumors indicate that this refers to the
fact that 'Kervin' is involved in Emmaculate's bizarre
masturbation routine.
<br><br>
Goldspleen stood determined. "We must fight for
the freedom of Kervin, or all hackers everywhere are in
danger. Please send me 45.95 and a baby picture of
yourself, and I will send you my magazine so you too
can be a k-r4d hax0r!"
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