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<title>It’s amazing what one has to believe to believe in gun control:</title>
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<p> It’s amazing what one has to believe to believe
in gun control: </p>
<p> That a punk wakes up one morning, and thinks,
“Gee, instead of robbing, raping, sodomizing and killing a young woman, why
don’t I turn my $400 gun in for $20 and a pizza and go work at McDonalds?” </p>
<p> That the more helpless you are, the safer
you are from criminals. </p>
<p> That you should give a mugger your wallet,
because he doesn’t really want to shoot you and he’ll let you go, but that you
should give him your wallet, because he’ll shoot you if you don’t. </p>
<p> That Washington DC’s low murder rate of 69
per 100,000 is due to strict gun control, and Indianapolis’ high murder rate
of 5.5 per 100,000 is attributable to the utter lack of gun control. </p>
<p> That despite all the outrage about Corporate
America’s cavalier treatment of employees, Domino’s Pizza’s demand that employees
be unarmed is an altruistic effort to stop them from hurting themselves, and
not a calculated financial bid to avoid having a lawsuit filed by a dead robber’s
family. </p>
<p> That one can sue a store for having a slick
floor, falling ceilings, and sharp corners, but if they refuse to let you bring
a gun in and you get shot by a criminal, they aren’t liable for enforcing that
rule with others. </p>
<p> That there is no right of self defense, but
the police are not legally obligated to respond to my cries for help when disarmed,
but you can sue them if they take too long to get to a traffic accident. </p>
<p> That assault rifles are far too powerful
to hunt deer and elk, and too dangerous for private citizens to own, but are
too impotent for modern warfare, too weak to reliably kill soldiers, and have
no place in the concept of a citizen reserve. </p>
<p> That the preferred weapon of a drug dealer
is a $25 .22 pocket pistol, and the preferred weapon of a drug dealer is a $2000
machinegun. </p>
<p> That any cheap weapon is a “Saturday night
special,” and any expensive weapon is an “assault weapon.” </p>
<p> That “Cops” and other shows are edited to
show the boring encounters with traffic stops and the occasional drunken fool
with a revolver in his pocket, and never show the millions of cases where the
cops are gunned down in droves by machinegun toting drug dealers. </p>
<p> That “NYPD Blue” and “Miami Vice” are documentaries. </p>
<p> That an intruder will be incapacitated by
tear gas or oven spray, but if shot with a .44 Magnum will get angry and kill
you. </p>
<p> That firearms in the hands of private citizens
are the gravest threat to world peace, and China, Pakistan and Korea can be
trusted with nuclear weapons. </p>
<p> That Charlton Heston as president of the
NRA is a shill who should be ignored, but Michael Douglas as a representative
of Handgun Control, Inc. is an ambassador for peace who is entitled to an audience
at the UN arms control summit. </p>
<p> That ordinary people, in the presence of
guns, turn into slaughtering butchers, and revert to normal when the weapon
is removed. </p>
<p> That someone who fails to clear his weapon,
fails to point it in a safe direction, pulls the trigger without checking the
chamber, and blows his foot off is an example of how even a “trained professional”
can be a “victim” of a diabolical gun, but people in the military, who clean
weapons millions of times a year without getting hurt, are “dumb grunts.” </p>
<p> That the New England Journal of Medicine
is filled with expert advice about guns, just like Guns and Ammo has some excellent
treatises on heart surgery. </p>
<p> That one should consult an automotive engineer
for safer seatbelts, a civil engineer for a better bridge, a surgeon for spinal
paralysis, a computer programmer for Y2K problems, and Sarah Brady for firearms
expertise. </p>
<p> That the best thing our kids can do to bullies
and drug dealers is “just say no,” and fight back, and the best thing we can
do to bullies and drug dealers is to give them $50 and wait for them to go away. </p>
<p> That it’s outrageous that the Milwaukee police
took 45 minutes to respond to reports of Jeffrey Dahmer’s last victim running
around naked in the cold, then returned him to his attacker without checking
ID, but the best thing a citizen can do in an emergency is dial 911. </p>
<p> That the “right of the <b>people</b> peaceably
to assemble,” the “right of the <b>people</b> to be secure in their homes,”
“enumerations herein of certain rights shall not be construed to disparage others
retained by the <b>people</b>,” “The powers not delegated herein are reserved
to the states respectively, and to the <b>people</b>,” refer to individuals,
but “the right of the <b>people</b> to keep and bear arms” refers to the states. </p>
<p> That the 2nd Amendment, ratified in 1791,
allows the states to have a National Guard, created by act of Congress in 1916. </p>
<p> That the National Guard, paid by the federal
government, occupying property leased to the federal government, using weapons
owned by the federal government, punishing trespassers under federal law, is
a state agency. </p>
<p> That private citizens can’t have handguns,
because they serve no militia purpose, even though the military has hundreds
of thousands of them, and private citizens can’t have assault rifles, because
they are military weapons. </p>
<p> That it is reasonable for California to have
a minimum 2 year sentence for possessing but not using an assault rifle, and
reasonable for California to have a 6 month minimum sentence for raping a female
police officer. </p>
<p>That it is reasonable to jail people for carrying but not using guns, but outrageous
to jail people for possessing marijuana.  </p>
<p> That minimum sentences violate civil rights,
unless it’s for possessing a gun. </p>
<p> That door-to-door searches for drugs are
a gross violation of civil rights and a sign of fascism, but door-to-door searches
for guns are a reasonable solution to the “gun problem.” </p>
<p> That the first amendment absolutely allows
child pornography and threats to kill cops, but doesn’t apply to manuals on
gun repair. </p>
<p>That a woman in a microskirt, perfume and a Wonderbra, without underwear, is
a helpless victim, but someone getting paid $6 an hour to deliver the cash from
a fast food place to the bank at the same time every night is, &quot;asking
for it.&quot;  And you won't allow either of them to carry a gun.</p>
<p>That Illinois' law that allows almost any government official from Governor
to dogcatcher to carry a gun is reasonable, and the law that prohibits any private
citizen, even one with 50 death threats on file and a million dollar jewelry
business, is reasonable.  And it isn't a sign of police stateism.</p>
<p>That the 80 religious kooks in Waco were a threat to American security, but
snipers killing them as they left the building, machinegunning children, hiding
the video evidence, possibly torching the building on purpose, and having no
case to present in federal court is good law enforcement.  And it isn't a sign
of police stateism.</p>
<p> That free speech entitles one to own newspapers,
transmitters, computers, and typewriters, but self defense only justifies bare
hands. </p>
<p> That with the above, a 90 lb woman attacked
by a 300 lb rapist and his 300 lb buddy, has the “right” to kill them in self
defense, provided she uses her bare hands. </p>
<p>That there’s nothing in the Constitution that specifically prohibits banning
certain guns, but there is something in the Constitution that specifically prohibits
banning certain sex acts.  </p>
<p> That gun safety courses in school only encourage
kids to commit violence, but sex education in school doesn’t encourage kids
to have sex. </p>
<p> That the ready availability of guns today,
with only a few government forms, waiting periods, checks, infringements, ID,
and fingerprinting, is responsible for all the school shootings, compared to
the lack of school shootings in the 1950’s and 1960’s, which was caused by the
awkward availability of guns at any hardware store, gas station, and by mail
order. </p>
<p> That we must get rid of guns because a deranged
lunatic may go on a shooting spree at any time, and anyone who owns a gun out
of fear of such a lunatic is paranoid. </p>
<p> That there is too much explicit violence featuring guns on TV,
and that cities can sue gun manufacturers because people aren’t aware of the
dangers involved with guns.</p>
<p> That the gun lobby’s attempt to run a “don’t
touch” campaign about kids handling guns is propaganda, and the anti-gun lobby’s
attempt to run a “don’t touch” campaign is responsible social activity. </p>
<p> That the crime rate in America is decreasing
because of gun control, and the increase in crime requires more gun control. </p>
<p> That 100 years after its founding, the NRA
got into the politics of guns from purely selfish motives, and 100 years after
the Emancipation Proclamation, the black civil rights movement was founded from
purely noble motives. </p>
<p> That statistics showing high murder rates
justify gun control, and statistics that show increasing murder rates after
gun control are “just statistics.” </p>
<p> That we don’t need guns against an oppressive
government, because the Constitution has internal safeguards, and we should
ban and seize all guns, therefore violating the 2nd, 4th, 5th and 9th Amendments
of that Constitution, thereby becoming an oppressive government. </p>
<p> That guns are an ineffective means of self
defense for rational adults, but in the hands of an ignorant criminal become
a threat to the fabric of society. </p>
<p> That guns are so complex to use that special
training is necessary to use them properly, and so simple to use that they make
murder easy. </p>
<p> That guns contribute to high death rates
and should be banned, but tobacco and alcohol are okay. </p>
<p> That guns cause crime, which is why there
has never been a mass slaying at a gun show. </p>
<p> That guns cause crime, just like matches
cause arson. </p>
<p> That guns cause crime, just like women cause
prostitution. </p>
<p> That guns cause crime, just like men cause
rape. </p>
<p> That guns aren’t necessary to national defense,
which is why the army only has 3 million of them. </p>
<p> That banning guns works, which is why New
York, DC, and Chicago cops need guns against armed criminals. </p>
<p> That the Constitution protects us, so we
don’t need guns, and can confiscate them, thereby violating the 5th amendment
of that constitution. </p>
<p> That women are just as intelligent and capable
as men, and a woman with a gun is “an accident waiting to happen.” </p>
<p> That women are just as intelligent and capable
as men, and gunmaker’s advertisements aimed at women are “preying on their fears.” </p>
<p>That a handgun, with up to 4 switches and controls, is far too complex for
the typical adult to learn to use, as opposed to an automobile that only has 
20.</p>
<p> That handguns are useful only for murder,
which is why the police and military define them as defensive weapons. </p>
<p> That neighbors who carry guns against the
occasional lunatic are paranoid, because of the perfectly justifiable fear that
every single one of them is waiting to turn into a lunatic. </p>
<p> That a majority of the population supports
gun control, just like a majority of the population used to support owning slaves. </p>
<p> That one should ignore as idiots politicians
who confuse Wicca with Satanism and exaggerate the gay community as a threat
to society, but listen sagely to politicians who can refer to a self-loading
small arm as a “weapon of mass destruction” and an “assault weapon.” </p>
<p>That there is no absolute right to a weapon, documented historically because
the British government used to prohibit Catholics from owning guns.  And that
wasn’t a sign of religious bigotry.</p>
<p> That rifles with pistol grips are assault
weapons, just like vehicles with racing stripes are sports cars. </p>
<p> That you don’t need a gun against invaders,
because the government will know in plenty of time to issue you whatever weapons
you need. </p>
<p> That Massachussetts is safer with bans on
guns, which is why Teddy Kennedy has machinegun toting guards. </p>
<p> That most people can’t be trusted, so we
should have laws against guns, which most people will abide by, because they
can be trusted. </p>
<p> That a woman raped and strangled with her
panties is morally superior to a woman with a smoking gun and a dead rapist
at her feet. </p>
<p> That guns should be banned because of the
danger involved, and live reporting from the battlefield, which can keep the
enemy informed of troop deployments, getting thousands of troops killed and
perhaps losing a war, is a protected act that CANNOT be compromised on. </p>
<p> That the right of http://www.peeingschoolgirls.com
cannot be questioned because it is a constitutionally protected extension of
the Bill of Rights, and the claim that handguns are for self defense is merely
an excuse, and not really protected by the Bill of Rights. </p>
<p> That the ACLU is good because it uncompromisingly
defends certain parts of the Constitution, and the NRA is bad, because it defends
other parts of the Constitution. </p>
<p> That a house with a gun is three times as
likely to have a murder, just like a house with insulin is three times as likely
to have a diabetic. </p>
<p> That police operate in groups with backup,
which is why they need larger capacity magazines than civilians, who must face
criminals alone, and therefore need less ammunition. </p>
<p> That we should ban “Saturday Night Specials”
and other inexpensive guns because it’s not fair that poor people have access
to guns too. </p>
<p> That guns have no legitimate use, but alcohol
does, which is why we issue cops guns instead of beer. </p>
<p> That police and soldiers are the dregs of
society who were unfit to get any real job, which perfectly qualifies them with
the high moral standards and keen intellects to handle these complicated tools
and be our guardians. </p>
<p> That it’s acceptable to arm a courier at
$6 an hour to shoot criminals for stealing bank deposits, but unacceptable for
a college-educated business owner to do it himself. </p>
<p> That a registration plan will reduce crime,
because criminals will register their guns despite the Supreme Court decision
Haynes v. U.S. (309 U.S. 85, 1968) that registration violates self-incrimination. </p>
<p> That it’s reasonable to require proof of
a criminal act before an order of protection can be issued, and reasonable to
assume anyone with a gun will commit a criminal act. </p>
<p> That teaching abstinence exclusively rather
than use of condoms is doomed to fail, but encouraging absolute bans on guns
rather than education in safe use is the only acceptable method of reducing
crime. </p>
<p> That it is outrageous that civilians have
rifles that were designed for the military, for self defense, but perfectly
okay to have polluting, potentially unstable, heavy vehicles that were designed
for the military, simply as status symbols. </p>
<p> That guns are the gravest threat to society,
because 83,000,000 gun owners didn’t commit a crime yesterday. </p>
<p> That it is essential to incorporate locks
and sensors into guns to make them safer, that only a criminal would not support
them, and cops and federal agents would be exempt for safety reasons. </p>
<p> That a bank guard can protect money with
a gun, but you cannot protect your children with one. </p>
<p> That all gun dealers sell illegal weapons,
just like all black people sell drugs. </p>
<p> That crime is higher in urban areas with
less guns, and we must continue to disarm the minorities in these areas because
of the risk of crime, and that isn’t bigotry. </p>
<p> That an underpaid, overworked bodyguard should
be glad to throw himself in front of a bullet for you. </p>
<p> That your safety is someone else’s responsibility,
but they have no right to tell you how to live your life. </p>
<p> That guns are useless against tyranny, because
an armed populace of 160 million cannot defeat an army of 2 million mixed in
among it. </p>
<p> That if the above is true, we should not
be terrified of the concept of that government holding control of our lives
and freedom at its whim. </p>
<p> That the piecemeal destruction of the right
to keep and bear arms makes the right useless, and therefore justifies destroying
it further. </p>
<p> That one should be more afraid of one’s spouse
blowing a gasket and shooting the children, than of those children being run
over by a hormone-driven teenager in a car. </p>
<p> “It can’t happen here.” </p>
<p> That people are too stupid to handle guns,
but are intelligent enough to vote. </p>
<p> That guns are not an effective means of self-defense,
which is why police carry them. </p>
<p> That one can “study” the “gun issue,” but
know the difference between an assault rifle and a battle rifle. </p>
<p> That the NRA, with over 3 million members,
is “out of touch” with America, and HCI, with 50 thousand members, is a “mandate
from the people.” </p>
<p> That a baseball bat is good protection against
a burglar, provided his gun fires baseballs. </p>
<p> That to judge a group by secondhand news
and hearsay is bigotry, unless that group is the NRA. </p>
<p> That the National Defense Act of 1916 doesn’t
exist. </p>
<p> That pricing products out of the reach of
poor people through excessive regulation is discriminatory practice, unless
that product is a gun. </p>
<p> That manufacturers are not responsible for
damages caused by their products, unless that product is a gun. </p>
<p> That trigger locks and other devices make
guns safer, which is why the police and military refuse to use them. </p>
<p> That registration of guns will help law enforcement,
because that way they won’t need probable cause and a warrant to conduct a search. </p>
<p> That registration of guns, which makes their
existence a matter of public knowledge under the FOIA, isn’t dangerous to owners. </p>
<p> That registration of guns, in violation of
the McClure-Volkmer Act, and as declared unconstitutional by the Supreme Court,
is somehow still legal. </p>
<p> That private citizens making private sales
of private property is a “loophole.” </p>
<p> That making it harder to get a license to
sell firearms legally will reduce the number of people selling illegally. </p>
<p> That it’s safer to do nothing than resist
with a gun, which is why the military wins so many wars by not fighting. </p>
<p> That we must close shooting ranges because
of the noise, but ban silencers because they are quiet. </p>
<p> That owning a gun for self-defense indicates
an intent to kill, just like owning a first aid kit indicates an intent to impersonate
a physician. </p>
<p> That guns are an “epidemic” so we should
treat them with penicillin. </p>
<p> That there’s no right to own military weapons,
which is why the Civilian Marksmanship Program at http://www.odcmp.com exists
to sell military weapons to civilians under Congressional authority. </p>
<p> That suggesting teachers be armed is an outrageous
suggestion for a “civilized” society, which is why the Swiss and Israelis do
it. </p>
<p> That making it harder and harder for even
cops to have guns on school property will make it harder for lunatics to kill
the utterly helpless students. </p>
<p> That accidents with a product justify banning
the product, even though MADD has never called for a ban on alcohol, people
actively push to legalize drugs, and no one wants to ban swimming pools, so
basically it’s only practical items like guns we should ban and not the luxury
items that are essential to human survival. </p>
<p> That the 14th Amendent requires states to
accept each other’s drivers licenses, even with age or vision requirement differences,
marriage licenses even with age or relationship differences or if it’s a gay
marriage, but somehow doesn’t apply to licenses to carry weapons. </p>
<p> That the same people who build illegal high-tech
drug labs for less than $30,000 won’t build illegal low-tech gun shops for less
than $10,000. </p>
<p> That people with large gun collections are
dangerous, especially if they have more than two hands to shoot with. </p>
<p> That autoloaders are “easily converted” to
fully automatic fire, and the person telling you this has no idea how it’s accomplished. </p>
<p> That banning rifles with bayonet lugs will
cut down on all the drive-by bayonetings. </p>
<p> That shooting at an intruder who smashes
your door and enters with knife in hand will somehow “escalate the violence.” </p>
<p> That it is illegal to use tax money for political
campaigning, unless it’s to ban guns. </p>
<p> That it’s safer with less guns, which is
why lunatics shoot up schools instead of gun shows or police stations. </p>
<p> That guns cause crime, which is why there
was no rape or murder in the Dark Ages. </p>
<p> That stopping the people who don’t commit
murder from having guns will lessen the number of those who do. </p>
<p> Since banning a few guns hasn’t helped, we
should ban more. </p>
<p> That just like the anti-nuclear weapons movement,
if the potential victims disarm, the oppressors will take pity on them and give
up their weapons in remorse. </p>
<p> That oppressing gun owners until they violate
the law justifies oppressing them further. </p>
<p> That “crime guns” and old police guns should
be destroyed at government expense, because the cost of exorcising the evil
spirits from them before selling them to lawful owners is exorbitant. </p>
<p> That raising the legal age to possess firearms
from 18 to 21 will REALLY show those 16 year olds. </p>
<p>That inner-city blacks in public housing should be disarmed to prevent crimes,
but not rich white suburbanites.  And it isn’t a sign of racism.</p>
<p> That creating firearms crime by having a
Byzantine code of firearm laws proves there’s a problem, and justifies more
laws to create more crime. </p>
<p> That parents who give guns to problem children
to “teach them responsibility” are not responsible for the deaths they cause,
but everyone else’s guns are. </p>
<p> That gun owners are a threat by existing
that must be destroyed by any means possible, and their rights are unimportant,
but the thugs who attack us on the street who the gun owners wish to be armed
against are simply a problem we have to put up with. </p>
<p> That one should judge all gun owners by the
acts of a few criminals, just like one should judge all blacks by the acts of
a few inner-city crack dealers. </p>
<p> That making it harder to get firearms legally
will reduce their illegal use, just like making it harder to get a prescription
will cut down on the illicit drug trade. </p>
<p> That it’s tragic when a child dies in a firearms
accident, and we must pass restrictive laws to prevent it, but children poisoned
by household chemicals are simply unavoidable accidents. </p>
<p> That I don’t need a gun, therefore no one
needs one, and I have the right to impose that belief and will on them. </p>
<p>That stupidity can be cured by legislation.</p>
<p>That societies with less guns have less killings by guns.  Just like societies
with less cars have less vehicular homicide.</p>
<p> That criminals who rob to support their drug
habit can afford $65 a minute in ammunition for their automatic “Weapon of choice.” </p>
<p> That with nationwide gun control, the entire
nation can be as safe as NYC, LA and Chicago. </p>
<p> That since a gun isn’t 100% effective for
self defense, you should get rid of it, along with your first aid kit and fire
extinguisher, since they aren’t 100% effective, either. </p>
<p> That if Chicago were to legalize firearms,
it would have shootouts in the streets, which never happens now. </p>
<p> That it’s wrong to use tax dollars to finance
private political agendas, unless that agenda is to ban guns. </p>
<p> That a &quot;safe gun&quot; will help stop
criminal misuse of firearms like &quot;safe sex&quot; works so well to stop
rape. </p>
<p> That a cop with felonies on his record is
safe with fully automatic weapons and a churchgoing mother with a parking ticket
as her worst crime is unfit to use a pistol to protect her child. </p>
<p>Ó 1999, 2000 by Michael Z. Williamson.  Permission is granted to
copy in whole or part for non-profit purposes, provided due credit is given.</p>
<p> http://www.cloak-dagger.com </p>
<p> daggers@indy.net </p>
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