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<font face=Arial,Helvetica size=3 color=CCCCCC>Don't nurse a hole in your soul...</td>
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<font face=Arial,Helvetica size=2>Omaha Blues Society</td></tr><tr><td bgcolor=FFFFFF><font face=Arial,Helvetica size=2>
Check out the official <a href="http://www.omahablues.com">site</a>. See <a href="obs/?req=printevents&when=curr">this month's</a> events.
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<font face=Arial,Helvetica size=2>CHEAP Blues CD's</td></tr><tr><td bgcolor=FFFFFF><font face=Arial,Helvetica size=2>
At <a href='http://www.half.com/products/browse/index.cfm?prodtype=music&cat=0-108795'>half.com</a></td></tr></table></td></tr></table><br>
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<b>How To Sing The Blues (funny, but true)</b><br><font face=Arial,Helvetica size=1>Posted on Wednesday, July 26 @ 18:09:09 EDT
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<a href=search.php3?query=&topic=11&author=><img src=images/topics/bluesnews.gif border=0 Alt="BLUES NEWS" align=right hspace=10 vspace=10></a>
Click below to read a humorous take on how to correctly sing the blues, including if you're qualified. <br><br><ol>
<li>
Most blues begin "woke up this morning."</li>
<li>
"I got a good woman" is a bad way to begin the
blues, unless you stick something nasty in the next line. ex: I got a good
woman-- with the meanest dog in town.</li>
<li>
Blues are simple. After you have the first line
right, repeat it. Then find something that rhymes.  Sort of. ex: 
Got a good woman with the meanest dog in town.  He got teeth like
Margaret Thatcher and he weighs about 500 pounds.</li>
<li>
The blues are not about limitless choice.</li>
<li>
Blues cars are Chevies and Cadillacs. 
Other acceptable blues transportation is Greyhound bus or a southbound
train.  Walkin' plays a major part in the blues lifestyle.  So
does fixin' to die.</li>
<li>
Teenagers can't sing the blues.  Adults
sing the blues.  Blues adulthood means old enough to get the electric
chair if you shoot a man in Memphis.</li>
<li>
You can have the blues in New York City, but
not in Brooklyn or Queens.  Hard times in Vermont or North Dakota
are just a depression. Chicago, St. Louis and Kansas City are still the
best places to have the blues.</li>
<li>
You can't have the blues in an office or a shopping
mall, the lighting is wrong.</li>
<li>
Good places for the blues:</li>
<ol TYPE=a>
<li>
the highway</li>
<li>
the jailhouse</li>
<li>
the empty bed</li>
</ol>
<li>
Bad places for the blues:</li>
<ol TYPE=a>
<li>
Ashrams</li>
<li>
Gallery openings</li>
<li>
weekend in the Hamptons</li>
</ol>
<li>
The following colors do not belong in the blues:</li>
<ol TYPE=a>
<li>
violet</li>
<li>
beige</li>
<li>
mauve</li>
</ol>
<li>
No one will believe it's the blues if you wear
a suit, unless you happen to be an old black man.</li>
<li>
Do you have the right to sing the blues?</li>
<br>Yes, if:
<ol TYPE=a>
<li>
your first name is a southern state--like Georgia</li>
<li>
you're blind</li>
<li>
you shot a man in Memphis</li>
<li>
you can't be satisfied.</li>
</ol>
No, if:
<ol TYPE=a>
<li>
you were once blind but now can see</li>
<li>
you're deaf</li>
<li>
you have a trust fund.</li>
</ol>
<li>
Neither Julio Iglesias nor Barbara Streisand can sing the blues.</li>
<li>
If you ask for water and baby gives you gasoline,
it's the blues. Other blues beverages are:</li>
<ol TYPE=a>
<li>
wine</li>
<li>
Irish whiskey</li>
<li>
muddy water.</li>
</ol>
Blues beverages are NOT:
<ol TYPE=a>
<li>
Any mixed drink</li>
<li>
Any wine kosher for Passover</li>
<li>
Yoo Hoo (all flavors).</li>
</ol>
<li>
If it occurs in a cheap motel or a shotgun shack,
it's blues death. Stabbed in the back by a jealous lover is a blues way
to die.  So is the electric chair, substance abuse, or being denied
treatment in an emergency room.  It is not a blues death if you die
during a liposuction treatment.</li>
<li>
Some Blues names for Women:</li>
<ol TYPE=a>
<li>
Sadie</li>
<li>
Big Mama</li>
<li>
Bessie.</li>
</ol>
<li>
Some Blues Names for Men:</li>
<ol TYPE=a>
<li>
Joe</li>
<li>
Willie</li>
<li>
Little Willie</li>
<li>
Lightning.</li>
</ol>
Persons with names like Sierra or Sequoia will not be permitted to sing
the blues no matter how many men they shoot in Memphis.
<li>
Other Blues Names (Starter Kit)</li>
<ol TYPE=a>
<li>
Name of Physical infirmity (Blind, Cripple, Asthmatic)</li>
<li>
First name (see above) or name of fruit (Lemon, Lime, Kiwi)</li>
<li>
Last Name of President (Jefferson, Johnson, Fillmore, etc.)</li>
</ol>
Mix and Match</ol>
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<tr><td bgcolor="#333333" align=center><font face=Arial,Helvetica size=2 color="#FFFFFF">"How To Sing The Blues (funny, but true)" | <a href="user.php3"><font color="#FFFFFF">Login/Create Account</font></a> | <B>1</B> comment</font></td></tr> <tr><td bgcolor="#CCCCCC" align="center"><font face=Arial,Helvetica size=2>
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<a name="2"><table width=99% border=0><tr bgcolor="#CCCCCC"><td width=500><p><b>Re: How To Sing The Blues (funny, but true)</b> <font face=Arial,Helvetica size=2>(Score: 0)<br>by A Blues Fan on Sunday, August 06 @ 19:41:20 EDT</font></td></tr><tr><td>Great! I've seend this somewhere else I think on the 'net. I]m fixin' to die! funny. Lincoln Larry</td></tr></table><br><p><font face=Arial,Helvetica size=2 color=000000> [ <a href="comments.php3?op=Reply&pid=2&sid=3&mode=threaded&order=0&thold=">Reply</a> ]</font><p></ul><hr noshade size=1></p>
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