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Academia

Tenshi Hinanawi edited this page Apr 19, 2012 · 1 revision

Table of Contents

High school

High School is like boot camp- you pretty much have to go if you want to shoot your gun. The whole concept of high school is to give you a very basic working knowledge that will allow you to do entry level jobs, and thus get a job immediately out of high school. There isn't much that needs to be said about this topic- partly because you should be graduated (or close to it) if you're a /b/tard or simply someone who goes to *chan boards (as all boards are 18-and-up).

Unless you were a superstar or in denial, high school was a total shit time for all of us. Ask any college student, current or graduated, and they'll agree. High school sucks. Do not let any of it get to you. After you leave, there's a good chance you will never see the assholes and skanks at your school again. You can pretty much start over in college. Were you a dork in high school, and never got any women? You can change that all around in college.

A good example of this is a town that (I) live in. Being a small town, everyone is exactly the kind of people you should not be- those people who live here forever, keeping the friends they made in high school. The result of this is that virtually every single soul here is uninteresting, uneducated, untalented, and generic. The glow of high school, with it's football quarterback and head cheerleader, dies down quickly into a messy soup of shit. That guy that's playing linebacker for your local team will probably find himself flipping burgers at McDonalds. That "cute" girl will probably end up getting pregnant and having 30 illegitimate children.

Seriously. Don't let any of the crap that happens to you in high school get to you. Just smile, kick back, and suck it up. It's only four years.

Reasons to graduate high school

  • Freaks/Goths/Emo: Generally you view school with something below pessimism. It's stupid, it's idiotic, etc. etc. Well, just think of the incentives of graduating. First, no repeating grades. Why wait till you are 18 to drop out, spend time getting a GED and working at McDonalds/Wendy's? Graduate, have a high school degree and get a better paying job. All that shit the counselors tell you about making more cash with a HS Degree is true.
  • Nerds/Geeks/Dorks: Generally you view school with either borderline optimism or borderline indifference. You already know the benefits of graduating, so I won't preach about those.

Handling high school (for those with issues)

Being a /b/tard, you probably find yourself in a love/hate relationship with the entire concept of Highschool. The majority of /b/tards are insanely smart, and you're probably part of them- however, the caveat comes with the fact that most /b/tards aren't exactly A+ material, look or personality wise.

With that being said, "Handling high school" is something of a must. While, as we mentioned above, you should "put up" with high school, trying to find an easy way to have fun there is a bonus. If you have the energy, go make some friends- even the "loser" kids have friends. Don't join any kind of clique or nerdy club, but just enjoy yourself- remember, in 10 years, no-one will really give a shit what you did anyway. High school can suck, but don't become an hero about it. Find some people with common interests and enjoy yourself a bit. It's only four years, and nobody will give a shit about what you did in high school in 10 years.

College/university entrance exams

Check to see if the college you want requires ACT or SAT scores. These are little numbers that mean absolutely nothing except how well you can memorize and pump out selected answers for either test. It's incredibly stupid- but for the average /b/tard, it is ripe for abuse.

Tips and tricks

  • Buy an advanced Texas Instruments calculator. Then program cheat programs on it. This is how most "geeky" kids get high scores. These programs can be stupidly simple things (such as a program for figuring out quadratics or something), or fucking complex (calculus thingamajigs). Be careful about cheating though, the proctor will report you if caught. Here's a trick my friend used to score a perfect on the verbal section.
  • For SAT 2s, Don't take moar than one per day unless you have to. Trust me. There is an option to cancel your score at the end of your exam but if you submit that cancellation form, all your tests taken that day are cancelled.
  • The "New SAT" doesn't require analogies. Don't even fucking study them.
  • If you cannot figure out a question for the life of you, fucking leave it blank, its better to leave it blank than to get it wrong and fuck it up, losing 1.25 points.
  • This piece of advice applies to SAT2 math 2C only - there are 50 questions on the exam, and an hour to do them. In the first five minutes, look over the exam, and cross out 5 questions you know for sure you dont know how to do, you can leave 5 questions blank and walk away with an 800. Come back to them in the end if you have time, though. If there are more than 5 you don't know how to do, don't do them, leave them blank, the point deductions for 2c is brutal.
  • Take SAT prep courses, but don't do it too often. A word about selecting an SAT prep course - SAT courses require you to invest a lot of your time and your money, make sure you do your research before handing them your money. Good SAT 1 programs usually develop their own materials, usually better methods of approaching the problems, or verbal/math drills. Good SAT 1 programs usually also abide by a strict weekly schedule and assign homework. Grow the fuck up and try to learn something there if you never bothered paying attention in real school. Don't bother with Princeton Review, they purposefully design their final practice test to be infinitely easier than their first diagnostic test so you will feel like you learned something when you really didn't.
  • Learn vocabulary. Your SAT course is likely to provide you with huge vocabulary lists and their definitions, learn those. Make flashcards and do like 20 a day and quiz yourself weekly and go back and relearn the ones you missed. The other method is to read a lot of good books for intellectuals, do crosswords, read the newspaper.
  • Practice the test alone, and time yourself. Free time at the end gives you time to access programs on your TI, including cheats.
  • Allow yourself time to retake the test if you don't do well on it the first time.
  • Also, PREPARE FOR THE ESSAY! It is 20 minutes, and if you have not practiced writing a complete essay in that time, it will be very hard. The SAT graders are only looking to see the strength of your examples, no matter if they are cliche or not. For example, a good thing to do is to have a couple of famous figures preloaded in your head, with facts about them, that you could incorporate into your essay. I, for example, used MLK, Helen Keller, or Abe Lincoln. Since most SAT prompts involve "Perserverance" or "Determination" or some shit, those three always work, no matter how cliche it is. You need to have an intro, two body paragraphs, and a conclusion for the maximum score.
  • Buy a study guide for the tests if you feel you're way over your head. 10 Real SATs is pretty decent and is fairly inexpensive from online retailers. Also Gruber's SAT is an important must have, their sample tests are damn realistic. Barron's is good excellent, their problems are usually harder than the real thing (this applies to all Barron's books) so if you can do good on a Barron's practice exam, you are pretty much good to go. Both Barron's and Gruber's SAT have comprehensive break down sections where they teach you the strategies and drill you on practice problems. Cliff's is decent as well. Study these books in conjunction with the material you are provided with from your SAT course. Again, don't even bother with the Princeton Review, their problems are way too easy and are nothing like the real thing.
  • Tips for test day: At least a week or two in advance, figure out where your test location is, figure out the fastest way to get there. When you get there, familiarize yourself with the environment, know where the restrooms are, where the parking lot is. If you know the exact room number of your test location, and if you are allowed to, try to sit in the room for a bit and familiarize yourself with it, bring some practice problems, or even a full timed practice test and work on it in the room. Point is, reduce as much stress as you can for your test day. DO NOT study the day before the test, it may be tempting, but don't do it. However it is a good idea to do a full timed practice test two days before test day just to warm you up. Start Wrapping up your studying a week in advance, and let that last week just be odds and ends (and the very last practice test two days before test day). Get 8 hours of sleep the night before and set an alarm the next morning, don't be an idiot and get fucked up that week, theres plenty of time to get fucked up in college which you need a good score to get into. On the day of the test, don't worry about anything, do not skip breakfast, do not overkill on coffee. Try to arrive at the test site at least half an hour in advance, leaving space for error. Bring at least two number 2 pencils, a pencil sharpener, a good eraser, a mechanical pencil, a pack of lead, your calculator, and your admission ticket. Don't bubble in a question immediately after answering it, circle the right answer in the test booklet first, fill half the bubbles in when you are half done, then the other half when you are all done, this gives your brain a break in the middle since bubble filling is pretty much mindless busywork. Remember - you would rather leave a problem blank than to fuck it up (most SAT prep instructors and tutors will encourage you to make educated guesses, or make a guess after eliminating one answer you know for sure is wrong, this is a very valid piece of advice). After the test, go celebrate, smoke up, drink up, go eat with your friends, DO NOT discuss the exam, it will make you unnecessarily anxious. That should be it, good luck faggots.

Penis size

Please keep in mind that your SAT score != Penis size (OP score for Australians). You will no doubt find people enthralled by their 2400 "Perfect" on the SAT. That's wonderful for them, but for the "rest" of us, it means absolutely nothing. Scholarships tend to frown on such things sometimes, because people who obsess over such tests tend to be very one-track-minded. Even with a score of 1000 out of 2400 on the SAT, you could get into a very prestigious University if you have achievements and extra credit activities. Nonetheless, some little dickwad in your school will probably try to obsess over the SAT- trust me, everyone else is laughing at him too.

High school counselors can tell you more about registering or you can go to the following sites:

Paying for it all

Check the universities you're applying for to see if they had special university wide scholarships. There are usually major specific scholarships (ex. science, business, etc.) that one can look into. Most scholarships require you have at least a GPA of over 2.5. Check out scholarship website searches like Fast Web to see what you qualify for. If you can't find a scholarship that fits you, try looking into student loans.

Tertiary Education

Trades

Become a plumber. Check the finances if you doubt this advice. The only downside to becoming a tradey is smelling like shit if you don't wash, and missing out on four years of sex less impressive than that in Rules of Attraction. The upside, though, is that you can use Mario-related pick-up lines legitimately.

College

Before getting into all the administrative stuff be sure to bring these with you:
  • Identity card
  • Driving license, if you have it
  • A United States Passport is considered the gold standard of identification; get one and keep it handy.
  • Birth certificate
  • Every single school attendance certificate, letter they sent you, or anything related
  • An address verification paper, such as a recent electricity bill or bank statement.
  • A brain
  • A freaking LOT of calmants
  • No weapon whatsoever, would be the best way to repeat Colombine.
Administration is the worst thing you'll ever meet there, it can take 3 days just to have a paper signed or simply put in your file.

College/Junior College is a Septic name for an adult day care centre. SRSLY.

Footnote:

This, for us Amerikkans, refers to Community College and (some) Colleges. No matter how you twist it, a normal college is much under a University nowadays. The majority of reputable schools are now Universities. That means that unless you're going into a smaller major (such as Education or something), going to a bland state college is four years of waste. This ESPECIALLY applies to "party schools", such as (debating) Florida State. Universities, however, as you can see below, are your ticket to money.

University

University is the name for an institution which offers degrees in a variety of fields. Usually you can do a degree which is enjoyable, or financially viable, or neither. It is impossible to find a degree which is both. However, university is really an opportunity to develop nepotism networks which will result in your future employment. For those of you who believe you'll go onto research, read phdcomics.com. If possible, do well at university. Do not spend every night plastered in some random spot. Do take advantage of the fact booze is often free and girls will likely outnumber guys by a substantial margin. Furthermore, half-decent grades result in the possibility of a master's degree, often a one year program, which in the US is something like an extra twelve grand a year in earning power.

How to make Friends/Meet People

One of the biggest issues all Anons complain about is making friends in college. This is understandable- those who have poor social skills generally have a hard time adjusting to living with tons of people, not to mention doing so in a way that doesn't force them to go out and meet people. Thus, a Well Cultured Anonymous needs to learn how to deal with this shit- and actually get outside.

  1. st RULE: Get the fuck off the computer. No, seriously. Stop fapping to /h/ (which is bad to do constantly anyway), stop wasting your time on /b/ or on video games. WoW is right out, and makes you look like a tard. In general, people are cool with you being on the PC occasionally (like, for chatting, studying, etc), but if all you do is sit in your dorm room, no-one will want to hang with you. Ever. If your college is in a rural area, or even a suburban area, go sit outside, get some sun, and talk to some of the people that walk by. You'd be surprised how quickly this simple act can improve your reputation or image on a college campus. For an urban college, sit at a cafe, coffee shop, or some such place to achieve the same results. Don't even mention anything to do with the interwebs. Just hang out and be yourself. You'll have time to get on your computer, just don't spend all fucking day on it.
  2. nd RULE: Keep your door open. Once you have no reason to hide (fapping), keep your door open and hang out with people. One of the worst things you can do in any college/uni is be secluded- so just kinda relax in public. Going to any Uni is partially about sucking it up and learning to live with a bunch of people and lose your privacy- so you may as well accept it instead of go kicking and screaming.
  3. rd RULE: Party. No, seriously. Get outside and go to some parties- even if you don't drink, just bring a soda and chill out with people. If you go to the right parties (as in, not "let's all get hammered and have gay sex" frat parties), you'll meet lots of people. For the most part, you'll quickly realize that most people (girls) are kinda slutty and annoying, but that's part of the experience: learning about people you hate.
  4. th RULE: Don't overdo it. Nothing spells "I just got out of Highschool" out faster than someone who goes nuts, parties all day, doesn't study, and hits on girls obsessively. One bit part of most Universities (especially the higher end ones in the US) is learning the delicate balance of the MTWRF grind: that is, you work your ass off on the week, then party your ass off in the weekend. Dumbasses will marvel at your ability to stay out till 5 AM on Saturday, yet pull straight As on the week. Professors are actually wierded out if you study TOO much- so learn the balance. You can find that some of the most intelligent students are also some of the hardest partyers. They just know when to party and when not to party.
  5. th RULE: Learn to handle women correctly. Just because she flirts with you doesn't mean you have a sure thing- just play it cool. Too many Anon go fucking nuts in college because of the amount of women, which is crazy. While this doesn't mean "ignore them", you can do more damage by being stalker-ish creepy than you can by just being cool and relaxed. Just like angsty 4chan threads say, you don't actually NEED a girlfriend immediately.
  6. th RULE: Never say no (if you can get away with it). For example, if someone asks you if you want to go out to dinner, go out to dinner, unless you're swamped with work. Learn to do stuff like this on a whim, so long as it doesn't kill your schedule. Don't get into a habit of scheduling your whole day out with stuff like "Go exercise alone, go eat alone, sleep a bit" and that kind of thing: be flexible and make more friends.
  7. th RULE: Get in with the right crowd. NEVER hang out with the kiddies who party all day- it will hurt your grades. You can enjoy yourself with them, but don't get too involved. The same goes for people who obsessively study, do pot, or any of that shit- getting too involved can kill you. This also includes really insanely heavy student unions and that kinda stuff- like Debate teams that practice 10 hours a week.

How To Do Well In Class

Here's the part where we tell you how to work it all out because you suck.

  1. Just damned listen to what your teacher says!
    • This will normally be so efficient that it will cut down on your personal work a lot. Some can even understand it all properly just by listening, which means nothing to do later.
  2. Think, don't just listen and write down, try to understand it, even a little, on the spot.
    • Again, this is for the best. Trying to understand right away will make it simpler because your mind will be into it. And on top of that, the moment you understand, writing it down and remembering it will be much easier.
  3. Do your freaking work.
    • Do I even have to tell you why?
  4. Do MOAR!
    • By getting into it and trying to get a bit further in each topic by yourself, not only will you kill some time, but you will learn a lot more. The key to learning is to enjoy it, no one really likes to work, but if you find a way to use your lessons for something, do so, it'll be much better for you than just learning without getting it.
  5. Go get a teacher the second you have a problem.
    • This is a hard part, no one likes to ask for help, especially from teachers, but it'll be another way to learn well.
  6. Quit going to /b/.
    • Cannot stress this enough (for obvious reasons), though I know most people can't just quit cold turkey, so at least limit your visits. Once you've (possibly) topped the class, go right ahead and brag on 4chan... not that anyone will care; you will most probably be going toe-to-toe with internet tough guys trying to increase their e-penis size.
  7. In general, just quit the Internet.
    • You may not notice how much time you waste on the internet, I personally remember spending my days on IRC, doing nothing but watching empty chatrooms being filled and emptied. Since I quit IRC, I have so much free time on my hands, that I get hella bored (and that I ended up on /b/ too), But now i can spend some time on productive stuff, i had many projects on hold that I was able to work on, I even started coding again, i hadn't done that since my finals. I'm working and it takes a lot of time, so I don't see most of the free time I gained, but I know I've gotten more productive, less lazy, cleaner (mind wise), etc.
    • So, for your sake, 'reduce' your internet time.

Acting like you have some sense

Okay, let's face it. In University/College/whatever, European or American, you will drink. You will party. That's part of the fun of going- you're able to get away with a lot of shit on the basis that everyone wants to get away with it just like you.

However, learning control is a zen thing of being in college. Remember, you are a Uni student first, NOT a partier first- that basically means that despite your best wishes, you are there to study. School comes first, partying is later.

The best way to understand this is to just act normally. Don't go out and party every night, especially on weeknights, even for "hump day" shit, unless you know you can afford the hangover the next day. It can't be stressed enough: Work your ass off all week, party your ass off all weekend. Barhopping nightly may be fun for one week, but it's not only expensive, but it's also incredibly detrimental in the long run.

Still, with that being said, have fun and do what you want. Just learn how to manage your life or else you'll fuck up.

Girls in MY University?

It goes without saying that most Anons can find awesome girls/guys at Universities. However, for those of you who are excessively slow (Read: geeky), there are a few pointers that will help you out in your quest for Ass (TM):

  • Don't jump on every person who gives you the time of day. I'm serious. Just because they're potentatial lays it doesn't mean they're into you in any kind of relationship way. It sucks, but if they aren't interested, you're fucked.
  • On that note, dancing and a beer != relationship. Don't expect them to be in love with you after a party.
  • Don't be creepy. Stalking around the dorms/halls/whatever is creepy.
  • Be nice. Just be polite and stuff- don't be a kiss ass, but don't be crude either.
  • Never hide in your dorm room. You will never meet people that way. Ever.
Oh yeah, and one note on a personal side: No-one is ever impressed by a guy who can get laid with a really drunk girl, even really dumb guys can do that (and they often do). The real skill and awesomeness is getting a sober girl.

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