Anon's nice day
A short "choose your own adventure" thread game, written by Anonymous of Colombia, who posted it in /jp/ in May 2007. Anonymous quickly found a liking to it, since it contained maids, sex, and even genuflect. It's believed to be the first copypasta to actually include several branching decisions, implemented with thread linking.
Of course, this style makes it very hard to archive or repost.
Turned into an actual ONScripter Visual Novel by EuroFag, which you can get here Currently, being expanded into a longer visual novel with character sprites and CG scenes in a collaboration between Anonymous of Mexico, Eurofag, and Anonymous of Colombia. They promise around 27 different Bad Ends.
Starting from the top, just make a choice, which will direct you to the correct text in the article. Read until you hit a bad end, repeat.
Another morning. Lying in your bed, you can hear the hum of the computer, which provides the perfect backdrop for a good night sleep. You open a single eyelid, and in a quick glance, you eye the alarm clock. It says eight o'clock in the morning. Makes no sense, you're not supposed to be awake... Like a flash, you remember a few seconds ago, stumbling like a zombie, to shut down the piercing electronic beeping that your mom set a few hours earlier than your usual time of high-noon. "Oh," You realize, rolling back to sleep.
A distant call for your name wakes you once more. It's pointless to keep trying, better start the day already. Opening your eyes, you stare at the ceiling. "What would Tohno Shiki do...?"
Only one thing to do. In the early morning haze you think what would be the best way to sneak into the other wing of the old mansion, and find Hisui, or maybe Kohak... Wait. You don't have maids. It was a bad idea to replay Hisui's route last night... You keep staring at the ceiling, putting your thoughts in order. You don't have maidS, you have a maid. And you've wanted to do this ever since you managed to get her into that gothic loli apron on her birthday. With a satisfied grin, you jump off the bed, your senses wide awake now in titillating expectation. You sneak your way into the kitchen. She's standing by the sink, washing the breakfast dishes. You walk towards her back, startling her. "I'm sorry!" she says after a small yelp. "Your mother and sister already ate, so you'll have to wait. What do you want for breakfast, young master?" She's not looking directly at you, still brushing off syrup off a dish. "I want your body" You whisper into her ear, closing in the last few inches that separated you. You make sure she can feel your morning erection in her plump cheeks. "I-I'm sorry?" She stammers, closing the faucet. You only answer by forcibly taking her waist, guiding her towards the nearby staff bedrooms. Ripping off her uniform, you throw her to the small bed. You manage to get a good look at her body. She's trying to cover her ample breasts with her hands. The soapy water only manages to make them look more tempting, glistening in the morning sun. Her face is filled with fear, mixed with you can only guess its excitement. Maybe she has been waiting for this as well, or you could be imagining it, your mind filled with lust. "Master, please..." she says softly. Her eyes are filling with tears.
"No. This is not me" you manage to say, pulling up your pants. You leave the sobbing maid in her bed, not knowing what to say.
Going back into your room, you think in what you just did. Were you always like this? A mindless fuck machine? As you reflect on this, you hear knocking. It's her, with another uniform. "Breakfast is on the dining room" she says, averting her gaze from you. "T-thanks." You manage to answer.
In the table, some tea and a single toast await you. You eat the whole thing quickly, not wanting your thoughts to linger too much on how things between your maid and you would work out now. It was certainly going to be awkward around, and you ruined one of the single pleasures you had. Good breakfast every morning done by the loving hands of a young girl who calls you 'master'. You were a privileged anon, and you ruined it.
"Back into the room?" you feel your mom's stern voice behind you, freezing you in place. "You should take a break, go outside. Maybe find a girlfriend... Are you sure you're not gay? It's ok if you're." "Not this shit again mom" You yell back.
You immobilize her with your weight on top of her. She looks away from you panting, tears streaming down. You've never felt so aroused before. Running your fingers over her stockings, you enjoy every moment of this unique chance, ripping with your free hand, the last remaining clothing items. Her body is now completely exposed Putting away her arms, you ogle at her big breasts, bobbing in every direction with her chaotic breathing. You run circles around her nipples with your tongue, looking up at her face. She is quietly yelping in surprise, her eyes shut and turned to the pillow. "I've wanted to do this for a long time..." you tell her, fondling roughly one of her tits. "and I think you too. You're enjoying this, aren't you?" you tell her, introducing a few finger into her. She's biting her lip. Not wanting to hold up any longer, you quickly slam your aching penis inside her. She manages to bite down a sudden scream. "You're a good girl. Unf! Not screaming. Unf! You like this, don't you? Unf!" You grunt while thrusting in, not wasting any time on her. Your gaze is stuck in the hypnotic sight of her breasts, moving up and down with your every move. You can only hear your own panting breaths, the sloppy noises from your thrusts into her tight vagina, and her sobbing.
"WHAT'S THIS!?" A familiar shriek behind you. It's too late to think about it, you're already arching backwards as you shoot your load into the crying girl. "Ah, mom" you say after a while, as the maid scurries away from you, covering herself with the blanket.
"At least I still have my head" you tell yourself, hugging your backpack that contains everything you managed to get. You look up, feeling the light rain hitting your face. You're homeless, but at least you got the maid. You don't feel any better.
As you shut your eyes, trying to get back to sleep and ignore the whole alarm clock incident, you hear the incoming steps of your little sister. Fucking great, just what you needed. "Good morning, onii-chan!" she says, barging into your room. She's looking careless as usual. Your half asleep mind finishes processing the event. "What did you call me?" you ask her, finally waking up. "Onii-chan. Just like those girls in your computer" she tells you, approaching your bed. This is bad. But you're guessing she's probably just bluffing. "I have no idea what you're talking about" you answer, trying to not let your voice betray you. She slits her eyes, looking completely diabolical. Little sister complex be damned. "C:\Documents and Settings\Anon\Hidden\Doujins\immouto-loli\" she recites in a single breath, while jumping onto your feet. You're frozen in your bed. Your eyes are stuck looking at her, as she crawls towards you. "It's ok, onii-chan. I've been reading those, and I really want to try it. And I'm sure you are looking at your little sister as she grows up to be a young lady. Why, look" she gestures towards the rising bulge in the bed covers. She starts to rub the top of it with her small hand. "I just want you to be happy onii-chan..." she says in a soft, seductive voice. This is bad, really bad. It's true you've noticed lately how she has started to grow from her childish Delicious Flat Chest into something even better. This is bad, and you won't be able to keep rational too long.
"Fuck off, you little devil!" you yell, pushing her off your bed. She falls hard into the floor. "Onii-chan..." she whispers, looking teary eyed. "Like I would fall for that" you answer coldly, hiding your erection in the covers. "Fine." She says, standing up. "Your loss." You watch her storm off. You sigh. "What a crazy morning..."
Walking into the dining room, you eye your devilish sister, gulping down a big stack of pancakes. At least that's something good, nothing like pancakes to cheer you up in the morning. "I'm sorry young master, we're out of flour. Would you like some omelet instead?" You hear the maid's apologetic voice from the kitchen. She grins at you, a drop of syrup dripping down from her lips.
Finishing your breakfast, you get up from the table. The aroma of pancakes haunts you into the hallway. "Back into the room?" you feel your mom's stern voice behind you, freezing you in place. "You should take a break, go outside. Maybe find a girlfriend... Are you sure you're not gay? It's ok if you're." "Not this shit again mom" You yell back.
"H-hey..." you stammer. She seizes the moment, and quickly lifts your covers, revealing how your morning erection has pushed away your pants. With a hungry look, she launches herself directly to it, grabbing it with one of her small hands, while starting to lick the head. "I never had seen one so close onii-chan... it's so big and hot..." She says while slurping. Playing with her tongue, she starts to gulp down on it. You just lean back, enjoying the blowjob from your little sister. Your breathing starts to accelerate, as you start to run your hand in your sister's hair. "Oh no, not so fast. I have more planned" She says standing up, leaving you just in the verge of climax. Teasing, she slowly takes off her simple dress. You eye her budding chest, as she smiles slyly at you. Squatting, she puts herself right on top of your member. She starts to slide down, grunting with effort. Her face can't hide the pain she's feeling. "It's ok onii-chan, it's ok onii-chan..." she whispers. You can't hear her anymore, your mind lost on the feeling of the tight virginal pussy of your sister. You can feel it squeezing you off as it goes in deeper. She finally comes to a rest after a while. "I can't believe it went all in" she says with a smile, catching some breath, right before starting to jump up and down, riding you. It's too much to bear. Closing your eyes, you feel her squirming in climax on top of you as you shoot all of your held up semen into her with a flash of white light.
Still recovering from the sudden attack, you look at your little sister. She still hasn't put her clothes on, your load oozing down her white thighs. She's looking at her cellphone, with a worrying smile. She's happy, far too happy. "What are you doing?" you ask her, afraid of the answer. "Just looking at a little photo that the feds would like to see, you pervert pedo you" she answers with a wide smile.
At least you got to bang a pedolicious little sister. You don't feel any better.
"Hungry..." you mutter. Lazily getting up, you step hesitantly. Your body is not used to waking up at this hour. Scratching your pillow head, you take a whiff, trying to guess what's for breakfast. Syrup, coffee, bread, and is that... !! Your eyes finally open. You start running towards the dining room, your mouth already watering in expectation. "Good morning. Seems you finally decided to join us." Your mom. With a hard look. Who the hell cares? "I smell pancakes. There better be some fucking pancakes." You state, dropping into a nearby chair. "You're lucky young master; this is the last batch," Says a melodic voice behind you. A plate with a small stack of steaming pancakes is settled down in your place. "Hey! Those were mine!" your little sister yells. You still can't understand what the rest of anon sees in the little sister type. "You snooze you lose," You say, stabbing your fork into the stack.
It's been a while since you had such a nice breakfast. Maybe waking up early has some benefits after all. Yawning, you rise up from the table, heading back to your computer. "Back into the room?" you feel your mom's stern voice behind you, freezing you in place. "You should take a break, go outside. Maybe find a girlfriend... Are you sure you're not gay? It's ok if you're." "Not this shit again mom" You yell back.
You slam the door, managing to drown away the last words of your worrisome mother. Sitting down, you mouse away the screensaver. Your browser window greets you, the tabs already opened in your regular boards. You hit F5. An ongoing discussion on the moralities of incest, the last remnants of the night shift. You hit F5. Nyan nyan ni hao nyan. When is this shit going to stop. You hit F5. I am the sexiest sits in your screen. You quickly reply 'daily dose'. You hit F5. UBW installer thread. "Fucking message". You hit F5. Naruto troll. Looking at the time, it's already afternoon. You hit F5, while chewing some Cheetos. Ronery thread. Surprised, you look at the system tray clock. Ten o'clock PM. It's been another long day of refreshing and posting. Hitting the 'reply' link, you think in what you should do. You're certainly lonely...
Sage goes in all fields. Except in the password. Refreshing back in the front page, you see your sage overrun by the sad story of a fellow anon. Sighing, you hide the thread. You don't feel any better.
"I am really lonely," you say to the figure sitting besides your monitor, who only returns you a big plastic smile.
You type out your sad, sad life story, remembering all the bad experiences from high school and afterwards. You continue discussing with your fellow anon about how romance is dead and you're never going to come out of the slump. You don't feel any better.
"I am really lonely," you say to the figure sitting besides your monitor, who only returns you a big plastic smile.
She does have a point. Still you don't let her know she won this one. You slam the door, emerging back after a while. You managed to find a clean enough shirt, and some jeans. "I'm leaving, see you later," You say from the door still, half expecting someone to tell you 'Iterashai!'. You shook your head. Maybe you've been playing too many eroges lately.
After walking a few blocks, you stop. Where are you supposed to go? Anon always said to go outside and stop being ronery, but somehow there seems to be a midstep missing. It's just like those gnomes from South Pa... Oh, crafty anonymous. You've been screwed once again. Shrugging it off, you finally decide to head to the local park. It's filled with people your age, or at least you think so.
You can see the park now. So far, this hasn't been so bad. You're walking underneath the trees, whistling the gnomes' song. And you see her. A girl with a laptop. There was free internet here, and you forgot to bring your own. Fuck. You finish processing the data. A girl; with a laptop. Smelling your chance, you walk around, trying to eye the screen. The familiar Burichan theme greets you.
"You've got to be fucking kidding," you mutter to yourself. And she isn't that bad looking either. You know how bad this can turn out. Yelling 'No girls on the internet!' and running off is not an option. You think about your next move.
It's best not to risk anything, and you can't possibly think of what to do now. After a while, you see her standing up, closing her laptop. You could do something now. She's sweeping the grass of her back, and putting the shut down computer in her backpack. You're frozen, still with no plan of what to do. She adjusts her glasses. She's a meganekko 4channer that goes outside, you have to do something. You keep frozen. She struts away. You see her disappear into the rest of the city. She's gone, you will never find her again.
"At least I didn't do anything embarrassing," you say to yourself, resuming your walk. You don't feel any better.
You take a few steps forward, hesitatingly. You have never gotten this far before. "What do regular people talk of anyway?" You ask yourself, all knowledge on flirting coming alone from eroges and bad romantic series. At least you know what not to do. Too late to think a better plan, you're already in front of her. She looks upwards. "Can I help you?" she asks you, quickly alt-tabbing out the browser window. Probably some promotions she doesn't want you to see. Words come out of your mouth. They are grammatically correct, and adequate to the situation. You're not doing that bad. "I see," she says, closing down her laptop. "Listen, it would never work. We have nothing in common. Just look at me, I don't even know why you're talking to me" she looks away. You look at her. She really looks a bit like the fabled anon-tan, maybe more round in the hips, smaller chest, and a face obscured by thick rimmed glasses. Good enough for anonymous, probably not for a regular young woman. "You got it all wrong, I..." you try to salvage the situation. "It's a bet, right? It's always a bet... Just. Leave me alone" She says in an increasingly sharper voice, while packing the laptop. You see her run away. An equally emotionally stunted female anonymous. You try to rationalize it, you'd probably react the same way if some unknown girl made a move on you. You don't feel any better.
Smiling to yourself, you start to stretch, preparing to genuflect. "G-genuflect!?" you hear a voice. Looking towards the source, you see the girl with the laptop, looking a bit surprised. "Yup, genuflect. You're a 4channer, right?" you manage to answer back. Seems like genuflect finally served for unlocking a good end. The surprised look in her face is replaced by rage. Nerd rage. She snaps shut the laptop. "You meme spewing newfaggot! You're the fucking cancer!" She snarls at your frozen body. She starts walking towards you in strong strides. "Guess what? You'll never see me again," she says in an unnervingly calm voice. Leaning towards your face, you can feel a lone sweat drop running down your cheek. "and you just lost the game." she adds in a whisper. Leaving in a flutter of hair, you see her walk off. A weak flowery scent is in the air.
Regaining use of your body, you think how you will tell anon about your little adventure. You don't feel any better.