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Being a Dick

Tenshi Hinanawi edited this page Apr 19, 2012 · 1 revision

For the complete retard -

If you are reading this, chances are, you are either looking to make people hate you or pick up women. The latter of which is much much more difficult and if you were able to accomplish it, people will hate you anyway.

The key to being a dick is not to call names, be fucking juvenile, or be a complete faggot, but to exploit the weaknesses of others for personal gain or for the lulz.

tl;dr:

  1. Find weakness
  2. Exploit the shit out of that weakness
  3. ???????
  4. Profit!

How to find someone's weakness - There is no definite guide for how to accomplish this, so I will just give you a few examples and hopefully you can fill in the blanks and be the biggest dick possible. This requires being a watcher, usually someone will have "tells" for their most nightmares.

Case Study 1: Liars

Tell: twitchy, trembling voice, constant sweating, change in skin tone (blushing mostly), excessive detail given to something not very relevant (ex: describing or asking for a detailed description of an apple.. which you stole), or the spontaneous combustion of their pants

Burn: Do not immediately call the liar out, engage in a one on one mindgame, keep asking for further details, the more questions you ask, and the more spread out about the subject you ask, the more they will trip up in their own lies and then you will have the utmost pleasure in calling them out. (someone add to this, I'm going to bed. lulz)

Warning - You must think fast for comebacks, there is nothing worse than being oneupped by another dick who has a better comeback, if you cannot think fast, take the nice guy route instead.

Case Study 2: Manly-men

Tell: usually makes a stupid joke about how his penis is bigger than yours, sometimes complete with the "Oh wait you don't have one" addendum. He usually has some slut with him that he's going to dump for some other slut, causing massive BAWWWW and lulz. They will always act like middle schoolers! Usually travels with a crowd of friends who will say his insults are teh pwnage. IGNORE THEM!

Burn: If you aren't the victim of his stupidity, LEAVE HIM ALONE, chances are the person being harrassed will come up with some batshit stupid comeback, making himself look like an idiot, AND causing the other guy to inflate his ego even further making HIM look like an idiot, in this case it is best to sit back and intake in some free lulz. If you ARE the victim, point out the obvious fact that he hasn't held a steady girl "Who're you fucking this week?" etc. point out the women don't really care about the size of his penis, and that the only reason he does is because that's all he has going for him. PROTIP: Don't fuck around too long, the insults will quickly degrade to the level of a third grader, he will cut you off, call you a fag, and generally not let you speak. LEAVE BEFORE THIS HAPPENS otherwise your brain might shrink from the excess stupidity.

Case Study 3: Attention whores

Tell: They will run up to anyone they see and ask stupid questions "Do you think I'm pretty? would you sleep with me?" or they do something stupid, trying to show off like pole dancing and falling over.

Burn: Really just ignore them, you can't win here as they will continue doing stupid shit if you acknowledge them. If you have to say anything for god's sake don't insult them. A simple "Fuck off" or "I don't give a shit" works here. DO NOT UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCE ANWSER THIER QUESTION OR TELL THEM THAT WHAT THEY DID WAS COOL! They won't shut up for the next hour.

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