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CSB Chapter 4
Chapter 4: Crossing the Line
I awoke at around 5:30 and found her sprawled over me, she had been awake in the night, that much was obvious because I noticed the unzipped sleeping bag was there too. Maybe she got up to take a piss or maybe she was too cold and went to get it, either way it was curious... What was more curious was the way she had her hand up my shirt, she always had a thing for that...
I remembered us having a long conversation about the scar tissue on my chest after the first time we had sex. She asked what it was like and I told her scar tissue is almost hyper-sensitive, running your finger over it felt weird, like a tingling sensation...
When I landed on the floor after the garage accident, it crushed my ribs inwards and fractured them in a few places, one of them broke too and got lodged... I had to have an operation to set them all back in place, thus, the scar.
It only took me a couple of months to get over that, and although I was excluded from PE and sports for a while (making me chubby), I eventually completely healed and the only memento of that near brush with my maker was that scar. She always had a thing for touching it...
I lay there for a while watching her sleep, and very slowly peeled the blanket over and lifted the back of the spare t-shirt that was immensely baggy on her, it made me angry to look at it...
Her soft olive skin riddled with deep patches of bruises scattered everywhere, so much so you could hardly see her true skin tone from the angle I was looking from.
I pulled the t-shirt down again and gently scratched the top of her head with my fingers through her hair, the sun was beginning to creep and I needed to get up for work.
When she began to stir, I took her arms and placed them near her chest, before shifting out from under her and jumping out of bed. I quickly showered, expecting her to be up, but she was still under than light blue sleeping bag quilting. So I sat down on the edge of the bed, took the hairdryer out of the drawer and turned it on.
As I began to blowdry my hair she turned around to face me and with no expression she watched for a moment as I dried my hair. When I turned the dryer off and stood up to open my wardrobe, she sat up.
I turned around and said, "Still not a morning person..." She smiled and rubbed her face with her hands as I fished out a shirt and tie. I noticed she was watching me in the mirror next to my bed. As I looked into it, she looked away.
"Y'know, I'd charge you if I wasn't sure you were broke until next week. What happened to sleeping in the living room anyway? Aren't my sofas comfortable enough?"
She said nothing for a moment, then as I was doing my tie she said,
I looked at her in the mirror and said, "Well don't make a habit of it or anything. Remember the deal."
"Now what are you gonna do today?"
She scratched her head as she pondered, then said,
"Go to the bank and hand in the change forms, post my passport and drivers license changes, call in to work and make sure I'm on for tomorrow..."
"-- and take the laundry to the laundromat down the road?" She stared at me for a moment before nodding, then made her way to the bathroom.
I felt a pang of guilt using her to get the laundry done, but it was only down the road, and if she was going to be living with me for the time being she should help out with chores. I wash my clothes once a week anyway so she wouldn't have too much to carry, and it's better than me taking her stuff. Ex-girlfriend or not, women have a thing with clothes and they don't like other people touching them...
Confident that she had a game plan for the day I set off for work, and as usual the working day way pretty damned uneventful.
"At least it's Friday," I thought while I was standing in the briefing room. The day went fast as I ploughed through the pile of paperwork on my desk in a serious attempt to get the drop on next week.
By the time 4:30 hit every document had been seen to and seeing as I'd skipped lunch I told my boss I was getting off early.Ccontent with the fact that I'd cleared my workload, he waved me out and I made my way down to the carpark. In my car I pulled out my phone and went to call her but I realized that I'd deleted her number...
"Can't hurt," I thought to myself as I keyed in the number I knew 7 years ago. "I haven't changed my number so it's possible she hasn't changed hers..."
I set the phone to go through the car speakers and placed it in the dock as I drove out onto the main road, it took her a while but she picked up.
"Oh, so you still use this number? That's good."
"Oh hello, Daniel."
"Did you get everything done today?"
"Yeah, I'm at the laundromat now."
"Good. It's Friday and I usually have pizza on Fridays... So I'm getting pizza, will you be back in about an hour or two?"
"Yes. But you don't have to buy me anything"
I thought it over. "I'm not eating pizza in front of you, thats fucked up, and if you feel bad about it then we can split halves, sound good?"
"Cool, see you soon."
So I stopped off at Snappy's Tomato Pizza and got a pizza with her toppings on one half and mine on the other. Next, I went into the off-license and got a 4 pack of Coors in a vain attempt to make her stop drinking my beer. I threw the bag and the box in the back seat of the car and set off towards home with some cheesy rock rap. Thinking about it I'm sure it was Xcutioners.
My door was wide open when I got back to the flat.
My mind started spinning as I walked through the hallway, all the doors wide open, light fitting smashed. My framed, signed album art poster in the hallway on the floor glass was smashed and the frame trampled. In the bathroom, the mirror had been cracked, and its shards were all over the sink basin. The shower curtain had been pulled down and the hot water left running in the sink...
My living room was completely trashed, with the sofas toppled over, glass on my coffee table shattered all over the floor and I could see bits of her phone amongst it, as if it had been picked up and bombed down towards the floor, causing it to shatter on impact.
Light fitting hung off the ceiling like someone had tried to rip it down; Her moving boxes were also kicked over, and her things were scattered around the room. My TV and HiFi sound system completely obliterated, with bits of wood, plastic and glass everywhere. And in the kitchen, my stove top was cracked and the smashed appliances littered the floor.
I walked into my bedroom, threw the pizza on the bed, rubbed my face, then took my cigarettes out of my pocket, and popped one out into my mouth.
I dipped my head slightly to catch the lighter's flame.
There were footprints on my bed, the wardrobe doors had been booted inwards and my desk lamp had been thrown against the wall.
I leaned over into my bedside cabinet, and as I thought, my emergency bank notes had been taken out of my jewellery box, along with my dads 1953 Seiko watch he bought in Osaka years before I was born.
Gone was my mother's locket, which I planned to repair for my sister's 18th birthday. Nothing was left of the various bits of jewelry I'd accumulated over the years, and neither was the family's signet ring I was inherited on my 21st birthday... I felt nothing.
I was so taken back I couldn't even bring myself to feel angry, the ash on my cigarette dropped on the floor as I sat thinking...
"Where is she..."
I tried to rule out the fat fuck. I had warned him; "If you ever came near her again, I'll bury you!!!"
But I couldn't think of anyone else...
I rubbed my hands with my face again, trying to stop the surge of rage I could feel welling up inside my stomach. I took the cigarette from my mouth and took a long, deep breath, then rose to my feet and threw the cigarette butt into the toilet and flushed it.
I went into my kitchen, opened the cupboard beneath the sink, and took out a dark blue and black Nike bag, a bottle of window cleaner, 2 microfibre rags, and a paint mask.
I returned to my bedroom, took out a beanie hat, a black track suit, and my black gym trainers... After that, I opened the bathroom cabinet, popped open my first aid box, and took out a pair of purple medical sanitized gloves still in the packet.
Finally, I phoned the police and told them my place had been ransacked. The officer took less than 10 minutes to arrive. He bought with him a SOCO bloke who went around looking for prints (but didnt find any, surprise surprise). After giving the officer a statement and a list of things that were taken, they drove off.
Then I started rummaging through her things...
As I thought, the stupid bastard forgot to take her house keys with him! With those in my pocket, I jumped into my car and made my way back to that shit hole.
I could only imagine what I'd do when I got there...
I made sure to pull up on a different street close by the house. I jumped into the back of the car and put my track suit on, then my beanie, then my shades, and left my cargos and work shirt in the car. I changed my shoes for tennis trainers, and almost as if I was on auto-pilot, I simply took the bag and exited the car from the back seat, putting her keys in one pocket and my keys in the other.
I walked straight into the flat entrance and slowly walked up the stairs, "3b." I told myself, taking out my gloves and slipping them on, followed by the disposable paint mask, as I stood next to the door I listened intently...
The TV was on... The lights were on... And I kneeled against the letter box and lifting the flap slowly to hear what was going on inside more clearly.
I could hear whimpering...
Then a THUMP, followed by "SHUT YOUR FACE!" which made her shriek. I pictured her cowering in the corner, like those domestic abuse adverts on TV. That made up my mind, and I took her keys out of my pocket.
Slowly and carefully, I pushed the yale key into the top barrel lock, and turned it quietly until the door unlocked. Then without making a sound, I took the keys out, folded them into my hands and put them back into my pocket.
And letting all the pent up anger out in one flash, I kicked the door and ran in, letting the door catch on the spring and slam behind me.
I ran straight into the living room, and giving him no time to react, I rushed straight for the fat cunt sitting on the sofa. Before he could even say "SHITI-" I ran in with my arm cocked, and punched him straight in the face with all of my strength.
I grabbed him by his collar and pulled him off the sofa and onto the floor, unleashing a barrage of kicks to his body, gritting my teeth and growling like a wild beast with every blow.
"FUCKIN PRICK! WHAT THE FUCK DID I TELL YOU WOULD HAPPEN?!?!" I yelled as I laid blows into him.
He folded his arms over his face and curled up into a ball. And as much as I wanted to, I couldn't stop kicking him. My impluses completely took control, and the rage destroyed my inhibitions. I kicked at his arms until they gave way, and then jumped down on him.
I laid into his face before raising my fist up, twatting him on his nose again, which was already freshly bruised from the previous night. I continued while the blood from his nose pooled in his throat, causing him to gag and cough it up all over the side of his face and up on to mine.
The purple surgical gloves I was wearing were stained, and I'm sure if could see it, it would have been on my tracksuit too... at this point he wasn't trying to cry out anymore, he was just taking it, and if she hadn't grabbed my arm to stop me;
I would've probably kept going until I killed him.
As she grabbed my fist, I looked up at her and growled through the mask. She shrieked and fell over. I kept my eyes locked on her; she had a black eye and her cheek had swollen up badly.
Enraged even further, I turned around and punched the fat cunt in the mouth causing her to cry out and wimper loudly. Looking back at her again and seeing her sitting on the floor, wide-eyed and trembling at me, then looking at that sad sack of shit on the floor barely moving, I grabbed him by the collar and screamed.
"WATCH! MONEY! LOCKET! RING! NOW!"
He pointed over to his jacket and I picked my things up and stuffed them into my bag. I looked back at her sitting on the floor watching me...
I took out the window cleaner and sprayed them on the clean side of the rag, then used it to wipe over the door knob, the back of the door and anything else I could remember touching last time I was there.
Then I took the nozzle off of the bottle and splashed a drop on his ugly face, fresh with grazes. He screamed out in pain as the chemicals seeped into his wounds. I screamed at him,
"WAKE UP! LOOK AT ME!", grabbing his collar and commanding his full attention.
He groaned, "What did I tell you... last time I was here, mate?"
I grabbed his head and slammed it off the floor before picking him up by his collar again.
"SHUT UP! DIDN'T I TELL YOU NOT TO GO NEAR HER!? DIDN'T I TELL YOU I'D FUCKING KILL YOU! HUH! OPEN YOUR FUCKING EARS MATE!"
"YES!" he cried out.
"YOU BREAK INTO MY FLAT!? YOU TRASH MY SHIT!? YOU STEAL MY STUFF!? YOU TAKE HER!?"
He lay there looking up at me, blood dripping down his face.
"LETS COUNT THE CHARGES! BREAKING AND ENTERING! THEFT! CRIMINAL DAMAGE! ASSAULT! BATTERY! GBH! KIDNAPPING! DO YOU THINK YOU'RE SOME SORT OF GANGSTER YOU FAT FUCKING CUNT!?"
He looked up at me, saying nothing... I dropped his collar and stood up, tipping the window cleaner all over his face and clothes, then stood over him with my lighter in my hand.
"P-Please!" he wimpered, covering his face with his arms.
"GIVE ME ONE GOOD REASON!" I yelled, my thumb ready to flick open the lid, he began shuffling backwards until his back was against the sofa, then a soft, whimpering voice from across the room said
"... He's not worth it..."
"He isn't worth it Dan..." she said quietly behind me.
"Don't throw your life away over him... Please..."
I turned to her, then turned to him, then flicked up the lighter with my thumb ready to spark the flint, his eyes wobbled and I'm sure he was experiencing one of those "life before your eyes" moments.
I sparked the flame and held it over him, then remarked softly.
"I don't have much of a life to begin with mate. Seriously, if I dropped this on you now, all it would mean to me is free meals and a nice soft bed for 6-10 years. I hear they even give you TV's and Playstations in your cells now too for good behavior. 6-10 years of no bills! No stress! And a very long time to laugh about how I barbacued a fat fucking pig."
"Well, that's if they could catch me anyway... I don't know if you've noticed, but the gear I'm wearing is a fairly safe forensic precaution..."
"I'll never go near you again!" He said, pleaded "I promise! I won't!"
"DO YOU THINK YOUR WORD MEANS ANYTHING!?" I screamed, causing him to jolt and clammer further back.
"I DON'T KNOW KNOW MAN! 10 Years in prison sounds pretty fucking good to me!"
I closed the lighter into my fist and used my other hand to grab his collar.
"I KNOW YOU WONT GO NEAR HER AGAIN, AND I KNOW YOU'RE NOT STUPID ENOUGH TO CALL THE POLICE EITHER! NOT WHEN YOUR FAT FUCKING DNA IS ALL OVER MY FLAT! YOU'RE GOING TO STAY AWAY BECAUSE IF I SEE YOU AGAIN, I WON'T BURN YOU ALIVE, I'LL FUCKING TORTURE YOU! IF I SO MUCH AS SEE YOU WALKING DOWN THE STREET I'LL BE BACK HERE AND WE CAN DO THIS ALL OVER AGAIN!"
I kicked him in the stomach as I stood up, then picked up my bag and collected up the rag and window cleaner,
Before zipping everything up and putting it on my back, I walked over to his TV stand and booted the leg causing the TV to topple over and smash on the floor. I would have done more, but nothing else in the room looked as if it had any value.
I looked towards her and said "If you need anything... Well, now's the time to get it. Because if I have to come back here one more time, he's leaving in black bags."
She shook her head and stood up. "I need you to open the doors for me... I can't..." and she held up my hands.
"Go down the stairs and wait, I'll be down in a sec okay?"
She stared blankly at my eyes.
"Don't give me that look... I'm done here, I just want to make sure he doesn't get any ideas."
She slowly walked backwards, then out of the room, and out of the door to the flat. I stood staring at him for a while, then said,
"Who told you where I lived? Don't try my patience!" I yelled as I held up the lighter.
"Betty... told me your name... then I looked..." He said, barely able to keep his head up as he sat there slumped down over himself.
"... Call her, or anyone who knows her again, and I will be back, got that?" He remained motionless, just staring at me, barely able to keep his head up.
"If I ever have to come back here again, I'm going to decapitate you; no, that's the least painful thing I can think of."
"I will burn out your eyes and cut out your tongue, I'll sew it up into your mouth along with your fingers, then I'll pour kerosene down your nose and light you up like a fucking jack-o-lantern, you disgusting pig."
I turned and walked towards the door, banging the light switch with my arm causing the room to go dark as I made my way out.
1st Panel: [Text indecipherable] - Probably about the ex-boyfriend beating Dan's ex-girlfriend 2nd Panel: [Text indecipherable] - Probably about the ex-boyfriend trashing Dan's house 3rd Panel: "I will find you."
4th Panel: "And I will kill you."
Some OC for you, what I imagine Dan looked like when he got back to his wrecked home and had a shower.
Haha! Thats going straight on my fridge!
As I walked down the steps, I removed the gloves and folded them into one another inside out ,tying them up at the end, then I threw them into my bag along with the paint mask. As I reached the bottom, I saw her standing very still.
Neither of us said a word as we approached the car. Before getting in, I took off my tracksuit jacket and trainers and threw them into the bag.
Reaching in, I took out my money, ring, locket and watch and put them in the centre console, along with 60 quid I found in his wallet, before stuffing the coat back in followed by my t-shirt, beanie and bottoms. Then I put my work shirt back on followed by my cargos and shoes... And I stepped out of the back and into the driver's seat.
Still she refused to say a word.
When I started the car, she said, "Please take those off..."
"What?" I said, looking towards her while taking out a cigarette.
"Those fucking sunglasses..."
She broke down crying. I took them off to examine them and there were blotches of blood all over. I looked in the mirror; there was blood on my cheeks, and I was drenched in sweat. I could feel the cold wind through my car window as the adrenaline slowly dissipated, and my heart rate came down...
Her crying was loud and mournful. I touched her and she flinched at me with fear in her eyes...
I turned around in the road and pulled away, driving the long way back through the middle of the city.
"She probably thinks I'm a monster..." I thought, my cheek resting against the palm of my hand as I drove lazily down the pretty vacant residential streets towards the commercial and central business districts...
I peered over at her and she was staring out of the window, not moving an inch as if her body was in suspended animation. Even as the car swayed as I took corners she was as stiff as a plank and as silent as a mouse...
Eventually I reached my destination, and pulled up alongside a canal. She turned to me curiously as I stepped out of the car and into the back of the car.
Making sure nobody was around to see, I threw the bag as hard as I could, sending it flying into the night sky. And with a "Plunk", the evidence would never be recovered, the filthy water and the enzymes within would wash and eat away at anything incriminating long before anyone would find it. It's a pretty fucking deep canal after all, and jumping back into the car and one wet wipe later there was no trace of what I'd done that night.
All that was left was the memories of those involved.
It's possible that some CCTV cameras caught sight... Though I wasn't at all worried that he'd squeal. His crimes made me look like a choir boy in comparison.
As we continued home, she started sniffling, I imagined that she was going through a mental replay of the last 4-5 hours... And honestly, I felt bad about what she'd been through, but worse for seeing me that way...
Anyone who knows me knows I'm not quick to violence, despite my sweet and sour working-class upbringing that was the very first time I hadn't been able to put a cap on my anger...
I imagine that we all have a valve to turn on your dark side, letting out just enough, always staying in control of your actions and keeping that inner demon under lock and key.
But tonight, more than anything else, it scared me that I had lost complete control of that valve, able to give myself over to that demon, and act completely on impulse without inhibition or restraint.
I'm positive... no, absolutely sure that had she not been there to stop me, I would have killed him. I probably could have kept wildly slamming my fists into that persons face until he passed out and suffocated on his own blood and even then, I probably wouldn't have stopped until every last ounce of evil, pent up aggression and rage was spent, and he was long dead...
It was a chilling knowing that there was a limit, and that I'd reached it.
We got out of the car and slowly made our way up to home sweet home.
We both stopped at the door threshold and looked in as I turned the lights on, I turned to her and said,
"It's alright if you want to sleep, we can change the sheets on my bed first and you can get to bed while-"
"No, it's ok... I'll help"
With the police report on my desk and the pictures on my phone from when the officers walked around with me, it was alright for the place to be cleaned up...
The officer informed me that as long as I was able to produce the pictures, save most of the wreckage, and give the insurers the police report, I should be able to recieve a payout. I went into the cupboard and got out the dustpan and brush, the vacuum and some boxes to put the shards into.
We set about cleaning up the living room first. Neither of us was very energetic about it.
When the floor was cleared, I tipped the sofas back up and pushed them into the middle of the room. We pushed the demolished coffee table towards the back.
The dim wall-plug timer lamp was the only thing he spared in my livingroom. I used to use it whenever I was stopping out late to give wannabe criminals the impression someone was home, and turn itself off around 3am when I was usually home, passed out on my bed.
Even so, it created a calming atmosphere in the otherwise fucked up living room. I disconnected the TV and placed it into the boxes of wreckage at the back of the room, along with every other smashed object.
"Well, that's one room down, " I told myself. I looked to her and she still had the same low expression as before, neither denying nor confirming what was going on.
I swear if you tell her to shower again I'm gonna go insane
(yes im the guy who complained last night about your multiple showers)
1243024 (NOT OP)
She suddenly started breaking down.
"... I can't stand this Dan... Knowing what you did, I just feel... so dirty."
I was stunned. I could only tell her;
"You really need to take a shower... To think that I've only showered 4 times today..."
I told her to go and fetch some towels from the drawer upstairs. I started work on the next room, struggling to bear my torturously slimy sweat, mixed in equal proportions into the fat pig's blood.
After all the commotion from today, I could only think about my perfect shower. My only sanctuary from the terror of this filthy world. I just couldn't bear it... and I dropped my brush, walking up to the stairs into the bathroom.
I was stunned by what I saw.
My shower was...
I fell to my knees and shouted at the top of my lungs...
Fucking lol'd my ass off.
I need to start checking the trip[code]...
I made my way out to sort out the bathroom. Other than the already redundant shower curtain and the mirror shards, it was relatively unscathed. When she came in and looked into the shattered mirror, she recoiled a bit... and told me,
"You still.. have blood on your face..."
I tried to rub it off, but none of it came off. Unsettled, I looked away.
"Hey, this was the worst of it, let's take a break..." I told her. We returned to the living room, as I sat down, taking the ashtray off the floor and putting it on the arm of the chair.
She sat down next to me, and hesitated before leaning on me.
"This is all going to cost thousands to replace..."
Clutching her hands together, a tear slowly rolled down her cheek before she mumbled,
"I'm so sorry..."
and bought her head down to meet her hands.
I rubbed her back gently with my hand and shushed her. She turned into me and put her head into my chest.
"... Nah, it's just a 300 quid excess fee. Not bad all things considered, a couple of years back I found that More Than Home Insurance advert entertaining enough to look into online, I guess TV ads really do work on stupid people..."
I could have sworn I heard her giggle, and that bought me a little comfort. She stayed like that for a while as I rubbed her back... Eventually the sounds of her crying and sniffling dampened and I had a moment to think.
"Listen... People can live out their entire lives and never see someone lose it the way I did... But I don't want you to think that I'm that kind of guy..."
There was a brief silence and still with her head on my chest, she quietly said,
"You're the same person you was 7 years ago Daniel... the gentle giant type... remember when in school that bunch of year 9's was picking on that year 7 lad and you marched over to them? That was when I very first noticed you in school... you stuck out because of your height, but... you stuck out to me because you were kind... that part of you is never going to change..."
"... Sigh. You're probably right, but you don't see me doing charity work or helping old ladies across the street. And I drink and smoke like a sailor..."
She looked up at me and stared into my eyes for a moment, before putting her head back down and saying,
"... It doesn't matter... you are who you are."
I lost myself in thought about what she said, and before I knew it she was sound asleep on my lap...
I gently got myself out from under her and went into my bedroom for something to throw over her. The only thing I could find was this big brown winter warmer thing.
The sleeping bag had been trampled on so I folded it up, and put it by the side of my bed, then started changing the bed sheets, pillow cases and duvet covers. I had to smile, the only spare set I have are these bright orange and green retro looking ones my 70s Show loving sister bought me one Christmas. It made my bed look like a giant Tic-Tac.
I quietly brushed up the glass from the hallway and tipped it into a bag along with the smashed lightbulbs and bathroom mirror. The bigger shards stuck out of the bottom as I picked it up and a few little shards fell out as I quietly walked into the living room.
In the kitchen everything was fucked, even the microwave which made me angry seeing as I had a stone cold pizza in my bedroom and no way to cook it. Not even the kettle worked, so I couldn't make a cup of tea, but luckily the demented cunt had left my fridge alone, save for a few dents in the door.
I took out 2 beers and walked into the living room. In there, I amped up the heating a little in a vain attempt to warm up the pizza as well... Maybe it was to make the beer taste better, like how it does ice cold on a hot summers day.
I gently rubbed her arm as I sat down and opened up my laptop, luckily my modem and router were tucked away behind the TV so everything was working. As she woke up, I pushed the pizza box toward her along with her beer and said,
"It's kinda cold... and I know you're not hungry... But if you don't eat, you wont be able to sleep well. Just a few slices and you'll be alright."
She nodded and began munching on on a slice, beer in hand and I loaded up an episode of Sherlock on BBC iPlayer. We sat quietly while we ate, drank and watched the massive plothole what was the latest episode.
Halfway through, I noticed I had plowed through my half of the pizza and had already started on hers. She didn't seem to care at all, even though we'd planned on going halves on it. I'd have asked for the money, but I was pretty sure she was feeling bad enough about everything she owed me, directly or indirectly.
By the end of the episode I had a cigarette in my hand and half a beer left. The adrenaline completely left my system, and my stomach was full, so I pushed the laptop on top of the empty pizza box and stood up.
"I'm going to go take a <spoiler>shower</spoiler>" I said as I looked over at her. "You alright for clothes after I'm out?"
She nodded silently while loading up something on the laptop.
"I'll be ok, my PJs are clean," she said hazily. Content with that, I collected up a towel and a set of boxers and went in. When I came out, she went in straight after almost mechanically. I went into my bedroom to blow dry my hair, and when she came out she sat and did the same.
I pushed the sofas together in the living room and left my laptop on with an internet radio station on quietly, then I turned off the screen so it wouldn't hamper her efforts to get some sleep. I threw some pillows onto the sofas and turned the timer lamp on. Knowing it was all set for her I turned off the lights and went back into my room where she was just finishing up with the blow dryer.
"You're all set in there," I said, rubbing my face and picking up my cigarettes from the bed side table. I took my phone out of my cargos pocket and put it on charge, then put the radio on quiet in a small attempt to block out my thoughts when I went to bed.
Then I went out on to the balcony, regretting that I forgot to put on some shorts and a t-shirt.
As the cold winds whistled around me, I thought about all the crazy shit I'd done that day and smiled to myself, shaking my head as I blew out smoke. It was pointless to think about it all.
"What's done is done," I said to myself out loud, and I leaned down and rested my head on my arms, letting out a huge yawn and flicking the cigarette butt onto the concrete below as I headed back inside.