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Tenshi Hinanawi edited this page Apr 19, 2012 · 1 revision

If your intention is to stick it up the pooper more than once with any particular girl, conversation can be of the utmost importance. You're going to have to, at regular intervals be able to say what's needed. Conversation also helps you get a general feel for that insane maze that is a woman's brain. Interpreting her words correctly can also give you warnings ahead of schedule on when to GTFO.

Table of Contents

Conventional conversation

As in just for talking, no hitting on the other person. See the Style section of this article, as well as the overall Culture section.

For guys


Often what you say is way less important than how you say it. As mentioned in other chapters, you have to be sure of what you say. You never doubt your own words, and always doubt hers. "I guess it could be..." better refer to something she said, and it better be followed by a "but it's much more likely that..." showing that you know what the fuck you're talking about, and she's just guessing.

Very important, when following this, is to make sure you don't land in the middle of a discussion on DNA and she's a Biology major. Politics are always a good topic where you can't lose. Generally women don't know shit about it, and you can defend any position, while getting to use expensive words.

Of course, what all of this does mean, is that you DO actually need to know shit about shit. She will not be impressed that you know what number Pikachu has in each separate Pokédex! (no she does not "liek Mudkipz", either.) If you're not very knowledgeable, read a newspaper before you talk to her, or make sure your conversations are short. Tell them you have some important research to do for work/school/personal, and just set up a date for the next time you want to stick it in her pooper.

A few prime examples are the average did you know shit, ya know. These can range from copypasta from the news or simply some blatant bullshit. I have found one very interesting piece is that in some universities professors think that the fraction system should be abolished or learnt after calculus. After the pusing of the shit-bait (that last statment was true)she should have a vibrant response. Such as: OMG REALLY?!? Then, you can spout off some bullshit baiting another response, ever so slightly working your way into normal conversation. Hell I have found this last pice better than "How's the weather?". Anon may have to get their fingers wet on this one though.

TODO: examples


As much as possible - avoid. Repeat exposure can lead to numbing of the head, a common cure for which is repeated force to aforementioned area. However, such 'cures' often lead to head trauma, and if said female's head is used as brunt of force, trauma to both parties is possible.

A pair of earplugs these days is not that expensive, and when considering the hospital bills, money spent on gas to drive down to the local cemetery and shovel-fees, it is a relatively inexpensive item to purchase. Caution must be taken however: if she becomes aware of your plan, you must make use of the nearest possible escape route. Failing that, defenestration of her, the dog or any object will be adequate distraction, and at the very least, a change of topic in the conversation."

Don't be this asshole up here, he has no idea what the hell he's talking about. Listening and pretending you give a shit about what she's saying is VERY important in conversations. Never talk more than your company. Listen to what they have to say and add on to it, but be brief, talking too long will lead other to believe you talk way to much (even if they just had a 10 minute rant about how pretty their new top is).


  • Talk longer then your partner.
  • Talk down to your partner.
  • Make your partner feel stupid.
  • Bring up the three TABOO of conversation (Religion, Politics, and Income) unless they bring it up first.
  • Be overly insulting.
  • Shift your eyes constantly.
  • Maintain eye contact as much as possible.
  • Answer their questions
  • Nod when appropriate
  • Have an opinion (whether it be a real opinion or a faked one) on the subject matter.
  • Compliment them when they bring up their clothes (they inevitably will, just make sure they're talking about what they are currently wearing).

Girl: Oh and then I bought this totally adorable shirt!

Anon: It looks great on you.

Girl: Thanks!

  • Pretend you give a shit.
  • ?????
  • PROFIT - Too ED for you anon?
Follow these basic rules, and it will look like you actually care. Sidenote, don't leave your mouth open while listening, you just look dumb.


Topics to avoid
  • 4chan: womenz don't know about interbuttz
Small note: Due to the recent widening reach of internet culture, some have thought it would help geeks get around by writing this paragraph(which to me seems overly naive and ridiculous(ly planned)): There is a slim, but still existant chance that the girl you are talking too is also an anon. Putting aside the "No girls in the internets" bullshit, you can try with this: For example, you are in the beach talking. Start drawing stuff at random and when she catches attention, draw "/b/" or some easy-to-write meme on the sand. Now, it can go like this:
  1. She won't say anything. You can repeat the action or stuff it.
  2. Ask, "What's that?". If she asks with the "asking" tone, then stuff it. If she has this Gendo Ikari look on her face, just say the name of the meme at a common tone: "Oh, over nine thousand. Nothing important". If she doesn't react, stuff it.
  3. She will react and ask you "I herd you liek mudkipz" or some similar shit. Score.
I myself had the lucky chance of having an anon girlfriend. I wrote "Seaking" randomly on a paper, and she replied "Fuck yeah". Trying to hit on an anon chick is usually easier because all the shit you have in common, and it's generally nice. You can do this anon-check somewhere, but don't overreact to it.
  • Computer games: even if she is an elusive gamer girl, the way to a woman's heart is NOT through the joystick. Unless it vibrates strongly, of course.
  • Other women: If you don't get this, you are dense. Actually, this may be an acceptable topic, because if you talk to a woman about other women, she won't feel special, and it may draw the attention whore in her, and may even go to great length to prove her superiority. Because you are a nice guy you won't talk about it, but in fact, you may have to.
  • Sport crap: have you even seen one woman who cared about how your football team is doing?
  • Anything you don't know jack shit about, that you can't fake: And you better be good at faking a lot.
Acceptable topics
  • Politics: Just say something positive about vegans. Most will latch onto that like a lion latches onto to a clumsy gazelle. Can be a dangerous topic in certain situations.
  • Food: This and the above could work good together. Read some PETA shit. You'll have plenty to say.
  • Culture: THIS IS PROBABLY THE ONLY TOPIC SHE'LL KNOW ANYTHING ABOUT. Movies, music, or even theater. Start slightly obscure. If she knows what you're talking about, good, continue down that road, if she has NO IDEA what the fuck you're saying go for safe and stick to Hollywood movies and top 40 music, or abandon altogether.
  • Philosophy: This should be in the topics to avoid unless you want to bore her with your eccentricities. However, if you fake this well, you'll be on the fast track to brown-eye city. Just google some quotes from some famous romantic artists and sprinkle the moderate, non-creepy ones on the conversation in appropriate spots. It'll make you look like you're actually worth a commitment.


Conversation is not for every situation. Conversation (as discussed here) is NOT FOR PICKING UP CHICKS. It is for getting through a period involving repeated sexings, without them getting bored. It is to be applied with great caution and only when necessary. Some situations that warrant conversation:

  • She calls you: You can't have sex with her right now, or vice versa, but she wants to talk, and you want to be able to fuck her next week
  • You call her: You want to fuck her, and want to schedule it. You do NOT schedule a fuck, you schedule a meet. But first you converse to prove you're interesting enough.
  • You're out to dinner: Sometimes choosing food as a topic can lead to a date. This is GOOD. but you need dinner conversation.
TODO: moar usage scenarios

Situations that absolutely do NOT warrant conversation:

  • While sticking it in the pooper
  • At the discotheque, when talking to intoxicated women
  • While enjoying some music together
TODO: moar

For Girls

He;lp needed here.


Remember not to talk too much. Talking too much isn't just annoying to guys, it's annoying to everyone. So shut the fuck up for a second. Remember that he probably doesn't liek mudkips. And he probably doesn't care about how cute your best friend's shoes are. Pretend you know everything, because it's cute. And if he's sexist like most guys, he will LOL and proceed to stick his tongue down your throat. :3


Listen to everything he says. Boys don't listen to anything, so you'll look smart if you actually know what he's saying instead of thinking about Jessica Simpson's hair extensions or stupid girly shit like that. By the way, though this applies to both sexes, don't leave your mouth open while listening.


Topics to avoid
  • Your brushing, nails, shopping sessions, depilation, etc.: nothing better than that to bore a guy to death, if you've got some luck he'll be nice and fake listening to you, but as a matter of fact, guys don't give a fuck about those.
  • Other men: same as the other way around, men hate when they're not the center of all your attention, but it may lead to them wanting you even moar for you to talk about others.
Acceptable topics'Sports, games, computers, sciences: if you want to talk about those, fine, but guys will jump onto the occasion and won't stop talking afterwards.


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