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The Book of Catnarok

Antonizoon edited this page Aug 13, 2014 · 3 revisions

Chapter 1

  1. Catnarok, as revealed to Raptor Jesus by Legion, is the doom of Anonymous, and the end of the internet.
  2. Blessed are they who read this copypasta, and all who hear it, for the end times are surely here.
  3. And lo', once the banhammer of judgment falls, and rings loud as thunder upon the earth there behold the figure of Raptor Jesus, with eyes aflame because he is super pissed.
  4. And the voice of Legion shall speak through Raptor Jesus, and Legion will say unto his servants, Chill out dudes, for I am the first and last post.
  5. And there Raptor Jesus shall backtrace the seven proxies of Anonymous.

Chapter 2 - The Seven Proxies

  1. And there the first proxy is backtraced, and from the heavens comes a white cat great in length.
  2. And the great white cat lays to waste the chans of the earth for which Anonymous had for so long prided themselves.
  3. And there the second proxy is backtraced, and from the heavens comes an orange cat great in lasagna.
  4. And the lasagna cat is unfunny, and causes war among Anonymous.
  5. And there the third proxy is backtraced, and from the heavens comes a gray cat great in happiness.
  6. And the happy cat took away all of the cheezburgers and lasagna and there were no more noms.
  7. And there the fourth proxy is backtraced, and from the heavens comes a black cat equal in length to the first.
  8. And the earth shall be torn asunder, and many shall perish.
  9. And there the fifth proxy is backtraced, and from the depths the dead memes shall raise and be forced upon Anonymous, confounding newfags.
  10. And there the sixth proxy is backtraced, and the sun and moon will turn to goatse, and the final GET of 144,000 shall be stickied.
  11. And there the seventh proxy is backtraced.
  12. And there Anonymous shall no longer have proxies to hide behind, and there will be an immediate vanning of all that post CP.
  13. And forth from the depths shall rise the seven headed beast
  14. And for each head of the beast a banhammer shall fall.

The First Head

  1. The first of these heads is that of epic fail, a Guy Fawkes mask.
  2. Around the snake-like neck shall be a "Free Hugs" t-shirt.
  3. And the head will be speaking of things relating to morality and changing the world.
  4. And there the hammer shall fall, and all that fail in this likeness shall be banned.

The Second Head

  1. The second of these heads is that of old media, Daniel Tosh.
  2. And behold, there shall be all manner of dead memes within its fangs, begging to be forgotten.
  3. And lo, the beast shall be regurgitating the dead memes, mutated and putrefied by its unfunny digestive process.
  4. And there the hammer shall fall, and all that idolize this figure shall be banned.

The Third Head

  1. The third of these heads is that of a camwhore.
  2. And lo, the beast shall not post tits, but will instead hypnotize faggots with lurid text.
  3. And behold its gaping cum dumpster maw will hiccup requests for amazon wishlist fulfillment.
  4. And there the hammer shall fall, and all that fail in this likeness shall be banned.

The Fourth Head

  1. The fourth head shall be that of Milhouse.
  2. And behold, all those that force memes shall be consumed by the beast.
  3. And lo, those consumed shall be digested slowly and painfully.
  4. And lo, the beast shall excrete those digested, only to eat them once more.
  5. And behold, the beast shall do this over 9000 times.
  6. And there the hammer shall fall, and all that have been consumed by the beast shall be banned.

The Fifth Head

  1. The fifth head shall be that of Moot
  2. And behold, the beast will be discussing matters of herding cats, drawing a great crowd of fools looking to capitalize on Legion.
  3. And the fools will begin speaking of censoring the internet in hopes of delaying the final chemo.
  4. And there the hammer shall fall, and all that attempt to monetize Legion and censor the internet shall be banned.

The Sixth Head

  1. The sixth head shall be that of candlejack
  2. And lo, the

The Seventh Head

  1. The seventh head shall be that of Mudkipz
  2. And behold, it shall use water gun to pwn all that remain.
  3. And there the hammer shall fall, and those that do not like mudkips shall be banned.

Final Chemo

  1. And there the screams of Anonymous are heard across the land.
  2. And lo, without any proxies, their IP's traceable to their parents' basement, Anonymous lies broken and naked upon the ruin of the internet.
  3. The four cats of catnarok entangle themselves in a final battle.
  4. And lo, happycat and lasagna cat eat one another.
  5. And behold, the great white cat and the great night cat begin to battle, tearing the internet to shreds.
  6. And in the final moments of the internet, out of the heavens comes Raptor Jesus riding a yellow cat great in speed.
  7. And upon this cat the chosen few survivors are taken away to a new internet to live happily ever after forever and ever.

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