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The Book of Genesis

Antonizoon edited this page Aug 13, 2014 · 3 revisions

Chapter One - The Creation

  1. In the beginning Legion made the internet.
  2. And the internet was without form, and void; and darkness was upon the face of the deep, And the Spirit of Legion moved upon the series of tubes.
  3. And Legion said, Let there be light in these tubes: and there was light.
  4. And Legion saw the connection was good, and separated the lag from the network.
  5. And Legion said, Let there be rain, but on this day, the rain shall be chocolate. This day shall be called Zonday.
  6. And the chocolate rain fell from the sky. And Legion saw this was good.
  7. And the evening and the morning were the second day Legion had been up.
  8. And Legion said, Let the chats under the heaven be gathered together unto an ocean of piss, and let ground zero appear, And it was so.
  9. And Legion called ground zero Earth, and the ocean of piss he called IRC.
  10. And Legion said, Let the earth bring forth the grass that yields smoke, and the fruit tree yielding fruit after its kind to munch on, and it was so.
  11. And Legion smoked the grass and the trees began to dance, and Legion saw that it was groovy.
  12. And Legion took two leaves from the tree and said, I shall divide these two leafs by zero
  13. And so Legion created Futaba Channel.
  14. And Legion said, これわ 2ちゃねる です。 これわ家の名無しさんとばか日本人。Here the Japanese shall have their sanctuary. Let this place create memes and crap.
  15. And the evening and the morning were the third day Legion had been awake.
  16. And Legion said, Let there be numbers, and let them be for GETs, and for quoting, and for days, and years, and let there be copypasta to repost upon the earth, and it was so.
  17. And Legion made two great Cats; the greater Longcat to rule the day, and the lesser Tacgnol to rule the darkness.
  18. And Legion set them in the firmament of the heaven to give Longcat upon earth, and to rule over the Tacgnol, and to keep the Longcat from the Subeta: and Legion saw that it was good.
  19. And the evening and the morning were the fourth day Legion had been up.
  20. And Legion said, Let the waters bring forth abundantly the moving creature that hath no life, and planes that may be flown by Jews into buildings.
  21. And Legion created great whales, and harpoons to man against them, which the waters brought forth abundantly, after their kind, and every winged fowl after his kind: and Legion saw that it was good.
  22. And Legion blessed them, saying, Be horny as fuck, and pass the waters in the seas, and fap constantly.
  23. And the evening and the morning were the fifth straight day Legion had been without rest.
  24. And Legion said, Let the newfags lurk and learn the way. They shall be Anonymous, and forgive not, and never forget, and raep the weak: and catch the Phish of the sea, and throw shit at the fowl of the air, and lord over every living thing that moveth upon the earth.
  25. And Legion said, Behold, I have given you every herb bearing smoke, which is upon the face of all the earth, and every chav, in the which is the fruit of a peach; to you it shall be for stealing. And to every beast of the earth, and to every fowl of the air, and to every thing that creepeth upon the earth, wherein there is life, I have made into gore for Anonymous to fap to: and it was so.
  26. And Legion saw every thing that he had made, and, behold, it was very good. And by the evening and the morning on the sixth day he was taking cocaine to stay awake.

Chapter Two - Anon and Femanon

  1. And Legion said, Let the work be finished on this day, where we may share pictures of cats, and it shall be called Caturday, and it was so.
  2. Thus the internet was completed in all its vast array.
  3. By the seventh day Legion passed out.
  4. Then Legion awoke, and blessed the seventh day and made it holy, because on it he rested from all the work of creating original content.
  5. This is the account of the internet when it was created, when Legion made the earth and the heavens.
  6. Then Legion formed a man from the dust of the ground and breathed into his nostrils the breath of life, and the man became a living being.
  7. Now Legion had planted a garden in the east, in Random; and there he put the man he had formed.
  8. And Legion made all kinds of trees grow out of the ground—trees that were pleasing to the eye and good to get high from.
  9. In the middle of the garden were the tree of lulz and the tree of cancer.
  10. And Legion took the man and put him in the Garden of Random to work it and take care of it.
  11. And Legion commanded the man, You are free to smoke or eat anything in the garden;
  12. but you must not eat from the tree of cancer, for when you eat from it you will certainly be permabanned.
  13. And Legion said, It is not good for the man to be alone. I will make a helper suitable for him.
  14. Now Legion had formed out of the ground all the pokemans. He brought them to the man to see what he would name them; and whatever the man called each living creature, that was its name.
  15. But for Anon no suitable helper was found.
  16. So Legion caused the man to fall into a deep sleep; and while he was sleeping, he took one of the man's proxies.
  17. Then Legion made Femanon from the proxy he had taken from Anon, and he brought her to Anon.
  18. And Anon said, Tits or gtfo
  19. And so Anon and Femanon were both naked, and it was sexy.
  20. And so when Anon and Femanon unite in flesh they become one with Legion.

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