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Twas the night before christmas

Antonizoon edited this page Aug 13, 2014 · 3 revisions

A legendary post on /b/ that appeared on the night of December 23rd, authored by a user named EurobeatJester. The text was a parody of the well known poem "The Night Before Christmas," instead filled with references to 4chan. The thread was posted again on /b/ twice on Christmas Eve, the second time by the original author again. It quickly was elevated to the status of copypasta.

Twas the night before Christmas, and all throughout /b/,

Every /b/tard was fapping, and that includes me.

The PENIS was out, proudly stiff in the air

in hopes of a post that would please Pedobear

The /b/tards all staring in front of the screen

Catching unearthly visions, all mainly unseen

Except for the pasta that flooded the board

Christmas was coming to

With a stickam whore wearing a red santa cap

and every guy screaming that it was a trap

Crashing the server while trying to GET

All normal things for this part of the net

When up on the roof, a noise that perplexed

I shot off my load in startled reflex

Away from the desktop, I flew in a flash

Wondering what the hell caused the crash

When, what to my wondering eyes did I see

A man black as night, above all thhe trees

Pulled by a horde of memes, well because,

I figured at once that it was Nigra Claus.

Faster than a rapidshare download they came

And his voiced boomed aloud, calling all of their names.

"Now Zimmer, Now Cracky, now Mongler and Desu!

On Delay, on Picard, on Gendo, and Deku!

To the top of the board, where the sticky pin lies!"

Needless to say, I was very suprised.

He landed upon the grass of the lawn

and walked towards the house, as bright as the dawn

The source of the glowing was no magic spell

"IMMA CHARGIN' MAH LAZER!" the red-lipped one yelled.

The front door exploded, all shattered to splinters

I realized I just took a shit in my knickers

They poured in the room, with quite a large ruckus

"Candlejack?" I exclaimed. "What the fuck is-"

The words were unable to flow from my voice

Little did I realize that I had no choice

to sit and endure the riotous mass

With cum on my stomach and shit on my ass.

Saint Nigra stepped forth, and wrinkling his nose

took a look at the room, and shouted "POOL'S CLOSED

Don't go in the water, it's full of stingrays

and plagued with a virus that's known as the AIDS."

George Zimmer stood next, and reached into his frock-


Pulled out some new pants, for my own I had shit


He stepped back, and a doll took his place

while two orbs of color shined out from her face

Her features contorted like an old anguished jew

"Desu desu desu, desu desu desu desu."

Cockmongler ran up and grabbed hold of my dick

And then took off his shirt, I thought I'd be sick

He put the rag on me, as I stood there perplexed

now adorned by the image of a bright green T-Rex

Picard flipped me off at warp factor "fuck you"

while Cracky-chan smiled, her teeth all askew

"Who are you," I asked, "Why are you in this region?"

"We are anonymous," they said. "Anonymous is legion."

As quick as the flash, they all left the scene

With plenty of shouting and phrases obscene

They swarmed a female who was blocking their route

and all screamed at once "TITS OR GTFO"

Mongler suggested "Stick it in her pooper!"

The raeping commenced so fast it was blurred

They turned then to me, and shouted quite clear

"Merry Christmas to /b/, we'll raep you next year!"


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