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synopsis : nice girl susanne has sex with her boyfriend daniel in his car , visits daniel's rich family during thanksgiving at their mansion in the middle of nowhere , and has sex with daniel again in the basement .
susanne and daniel must then decide where to hide from evil art thieves who shoot everyone else in the mansion to steal paintings .
brace yourself for one of those painfully obvious " surprise endings . "
comments : thanksgiving .
for most , it's a time to be with your loved ones and enjoy a good , home-cooked meal .
for the makers of body count , however , thanksgiving is a time for multiple murders , violence , profanity , family dysfunction , and sex .
boy , do i feel all the more better having sat through this crap .
alyssa milano , the former child star of who's the boss ? , matures to made-for-video sludge like this movie .
someone somewhere thought it'd be a great idea to pair her with rapper ice-t , who has since guest-starred in the made-for-the-sci-fi-channel series welcome to paradox .
this isn't exactly a winning combination .
outside of permanently ruining a holiday for me , what else may be said for this turkey ?
well , it teaches us that beautiful , attractive women who look strikingly like alyssa milano fall in love with nerds who drive down long winding roads with their eyes closed and complain about being english teachers .
it presents us with a heartwarming thanksgiving dinner attended by alcoholic , stuck-up rich white people waited on by black servants .
it shows us that old guys , try not to laugh , sit around and talk about " the appeal of postmodernism " during their free time .
and , it proves that you can have sex in your parents' basement when they have a dozen or so guests over , and no one will notice .
before i go any further , if any young male reading this has hopes of seeing alyssa naked , forget it .
the filmmakers cleverly shoot the simulated sex scenes in a manner that makes sure you don't see any of milano's attributes .
they do , however , inexplicably throw in a scene where ice-t whistles " jingle bells " after killing people , for whatever that's worth .
this film was originally titled below utopia .
perhaps they should have renamed it hell .
avoid this clunker .