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When joining a room, use the vCard name first, or if unset the localpart of the JID, or if anonymous remember when it was first asked #968
Ok, so what happens now...
I don't think it's worth the extra hassle to remember the nickname if the user doesn't have it set in their VCard. If you don't want to be asked every time, then set your VCard (which can now be done in Converse).