Excuse me. Do you have any keys or money in your pockets?
No. No. I think I've taken everything out.
Okay. Go ahead and walk through the body scanner.
Will I feel anything?
No sir. Just walk through and keep your hands in the air.
Okay, huh? [ Security alarm goes off ... ]
We need to do some additional screening. Sorry, sir. Please come this way. [What? Did I ... Did you find something?] Relax sir. Okay? I'm going to open your carry-on bag. As I'm going through it, please do not try to touch it. [Okay.] Let's see now. Hmmm. First of all, sir, you can't take any liquids like this bottled water past this point.
Ah. Well, I really can't drink any other kind of water. Sierra Springs is the only bottled water I drink.
Sorry sir. [Ah ... ] And, sir. What's this? [What?] No, sir, you cannot bring a lighter on the plane.
But I don't smoke. I mean ... [You STILL can't bring it on the plane.] But I have it just in case of emergencies. You know, as an emergency fire starter in case the plane crashes into a dark forest.
Sir. You'll have to leave that here. What's this?
Well ...Oh. That's my pocket knife.
A pocket knife? It's almost a foot long!
Well, it's a special knife given to me by my grandfather, but I only use it to peel apples and fruit. You know ... Things like that.
Sir. I'm sorry, but you can't take that on the plane. In fact, do you have any other prohibited items in your bag? [Well, I don't ...] I mean, didn't you read the sign back there explaining all of the items that were not allowed on board?
Well, I started to read it, and I then got a little distracted.
A little? Sir. How many times have you flown on an airplane?
Uh, it has been a while. I think the last time I traveled by plane was about, uh, 1960 ...
Sir. Why don't you come with me? [WHAT?] I think my supervisor would like to ask you a few questions.
Oh, no!