Joanne, let's not make this divorce any more acrimonious than it already is, okay? Let's just get down to business and start dividing this stuff up fairly, so we can go our separate ways, alright?
Fine with me. I just want to get this over with. It's important we make a clean break. I should have signed a pre-nup.
What was that?
Nothing! Anyway, you're right, there's no reason this has to be nasty. My lawyer tells me you've accepted our alimony proposal and the division of property, as well as the custody agreement- I keep the cat and you get the dog. So that's done. . . finally.
Let's not go there, Joanne! Ok, so let's start with the record collection, I'll take the albums I contributed and you can have your cheesy disco albums back.
Fine, but I'm keeping the antique gramophone as my grandfather gave it to me.
I believe that was a wedding present to both of us, Joanne. And you hardly ever use it!
He's my grandfather, and he never really liked you anyway!
Whatever! Alright, I'll concede the silly gramophone, if you'll agree that I get the silver tea set.
How typical, when are you ever going to use a silver tea set? Fine! I don't want to drag this out any longer than necessary. What's next? What about these old photographs?
Which ones? Let me have a look. Wow, look at that! That brings back memories. . . That?
Our trip to Italy! I remember that day. We were going to visit the Trevi fountain, and we got caught in the rain. . .
. . . and you looked so adorable with your hair all wet. I had to take a picture of you standing there in that little alley, smiling and laughing in the rain. . .
Oh, we really did have fun back then, didn't we?
Oh, Joanne, are we making a big mistake? I know our relationship has been on the rocks for sometime but are you sure we can't reconcile and try again? I still love you.
Oh Jeff! I love you too! I'm so glad we didn't have to decide who keeps the motorcycle.