From 48f5834540b3dfe2ea2dc8d24f988d4c402679ec Mon Sep 17 00:00:00 2001 From: David Schulman Date: Fri, 7 Nov 2014 15:43:25 -0500 Subject: [PATCH] Fortune: Updated fortunes file Made some corrections where terminating character (%) was not present. Fixed typos. Made some formatting corrections --- lib/DDG/Goodie/Fortune.pm | 3 +- share/goodie/fortune/fortunes | 124 ++++++++++++---------------------- 2 files changed, 45 insertions(+), 82 deletions(-) diff --git a/lib/DDG/Goodie/Fortune.pm b/lib/DDG/Goodie/Fortune.pm index a7d997e8567..2f468023de4 100644 --- a/lib/DDG/Goodie/Fortune.pm +++ b/lib/DDG/Goodie/Fortune.pm @@ -12,7 +12,8 @@ description 'get a random phrase from the original fortunes file'; code_url 'https://github.com/duckduckgo/zeroclickinfo-goodies/blob/master/lib/DDG/Goodie/Fortune.pm'; category 'random'; topics 'words_and_games'; -attribution github => ['https://github.com/frncscgmz', 'frncscgmz']; +attribution github => ['https://github.com/frncscgmz', 'frncscgmz'], + github => ['https://github.com/dmschulman', 'dmschulman']; zci answer_type => "fortune"; zci is_cached => 0; diff --git a/share/goodie/fortune/fortunes b/share/goodie/fortune/fortunes index f5bb2b46552..7cf883a31c6 100644 --- a/share/goodie/fortune/fortunes +++ b/share/goodie/fortune/fortunes @@ -5,7 +5,6 @@ A few hours grace before the madness begins again. A gift of a flower will soon be made to you. % A long-forgotten loved one will appear soon. - Buy the negatives at any price. % A tall, dark stranger will have more fun than you. @@ -62,13 +61,12 @@ Be careful! UGLY strikes 9 out of 10! % Be cautious in your daily affairs. % -Be cheerful while you are alive. +"Be cheerful while you are alive." -- Phathotep, 24th Century B.C. % Be different: conform. % -Be free and open and breezy! Enjoy! Things won't get any better so -get used to it. +Be free and open and breezy! Enjoy! Things won't get any better so get used to it. % Be security conscious -- National defense is at stake. % @@ -76,8 +74,7 @@ Beauty and harmony are as necessary to you as the very breath of life. % Best of all is never to have been born. Second best is to die soon. % -Better hope the life-inspector doesn't come around while you have your -life in such a mess. +Better hope the life-inspector doesn't come around while you have your life in such a mess. % Beware of a dark-haired man with a loud tie. % @@ -165,10 +162,10 @@ Don't tell any big lies today. Small ones can be just as effective. % Don't worry so loud, your roommate can't think. % -Don't Worry, Be Happy. +"Don't Worry, Be Happy." -- Meher Baba % -Don't worry. Life's too long. +"Don't worry. Life's too long." -- Vincent Sardi, Jr. % Don't you feel more like you do now than you did when you came in? @@ -198,10 +195,9 @@ So-so day for you. % Fine day to work off excess energy. Steal something heavy. % -Fortune: You will be attacked next Wednesday at 3:15 p.m. by six samurai -sword wielding purple fish glued to Harley-Davidson motorcycles. - -Oh, and have a nice day! +You will be attacked next Wednesday at 3:15 P.M. by six samurai sword wielding purple fish glued to Harley-Davidson motorcycles. +% +"Oh, and have a nice day!" -- Bryce Nesbitt '84 % Future looks spotty. You will spill soup in late evening. @@ -210,8 +206,7 @@ Generosity and perfection are your everlasting goals. % Give him an evasive answer. % -Give thought to your reputation. Consider changing name and moving to -a new town. +Give thought to your reputation. Consider changing name and moving to a new town. % Give your very best today. Heaven knows it's little enough. % @@ -229,8 +224,7 @@ Good news from afar can bring you a welcome visitor. % Good news. Ten weeks from Friday will be a pretty good day. % -Good night to spend with family, but avoid arguments with your mate's -new lover. +Good night to spend with family, but avoid arguments with your mate's new lover. % Green light in A.M. for new projects. Red light in P.M. for traffic tickets. % @@ -238,8 +232,7 @@ Hope that the day after you die is a nice day. % If you can read this, you're too close. % -If you learn one useless thing every day, in a single year you'll learn -365 useless things. +If you learn one useless thing every day, in a single year you'll learn 365 useless things. % If you sow your wild oats, hope for a crop failure. % @@ -257,23 +250,20 @@ Is that really YOU that is reading this? % Is this really happening? % -It is so very hard to be an -on-your-own-take-care-of-yourself-because-there-is-no-one-else-to-do-it-for-you -grown-up. +It is so very hard to be an on-your-own-take-care-of-yourself-because-there-is-no-one-else-to-do-it-for-you grown-up. % It may or may not be worthwhile, but it still has to be done. % It was all so different before everything changed. % -It's a very *__UN*lucky week in which to be took dead. +"It's a very *UN*lucky week in which to be took dead." -- Churchy La Femme % It's all in the mind, ya know. % It's lucky you're going so slowly, because you're going in the wrong direction. % -Just because the message may never be received does not mean it is -not worth sending. +Just because the message may never be received does not mean it is not worth sending. % Just to have it is enough. % @@ -316,8 +306,7 @@ Never look up when dragons fly overhead. % Never reveal your best argument. % -Next Friday will not be your lucky day. As a matter of fact, you don't -have a lucky day this year. +Next Friday will not be your lucky day. As a matter of fact, you don't have a lucky day this year. % Of course you have a purpose -- to find a purpose. % @@ -326,7 +315,6 @@ People are beginning to notice you. Try dressing before you leave the house. Perfect day for scrubbing the floor and other exciting things. % Questionable day. - Ask somebody something. % Reply hazy, ask again later. @@ -346,7 +334,6 @@ So you're back... about time... Someone is speaking well of you. % Someone is speaking well of you. - How unusual! % Someone whom you reject today, will reject you tomorrow. @@ -361,7 +348,7 @@ That secret you've been guarding, isn't. % The time is right to make new friends. % -The whole world is a tuxedo and you are a pair of brown shoes. +"The whole world is a tuxedo and you are a pair of brown shoes." -- George Gobel % There is a 20% chance of tomorrow. @@ -394,13 +381,12 @@ Today is the tomorrow you worried about yesterday. % Today is what happened to yesterday. % -Today's weirdness is tomorrow's reason why. +"Today's weirdness is tomorrow's reason why." -- Hunter S. Thompson % Tomorrow will be cancelled due to lack of interest. % -Tomorrow, this will be part of the unchangeable past but fortunately, -it can still be changed today. +Tomorrow, this will be part of the unchangeable past but fortunately, it can still be changed today. % Tomorrow, you can be anywhere. % @@ -408,8 +394,7 @@ Tonight you will pay the wages of sin; Don't forget to leave a tip. % Tonight's the night: Sleep in a eucalyptus tree. % -Troubled day for virgins over 16 who are beautiful and wealthy and live -in eucalyptus trees. +Troubled day for virgins over 16 who are beautiful and wealthy and live in eucalyptus trees. % Truth will out this morning. (Which may really mess things up.) % @@ -419,7 +404,7 @@ Try to get all of your posthumous medals in advance. % Try to have as good a life as you can under the circumstances. % -Try to relax and enjoy the crisis. +"Try to relax and enjoy the crisis." -- Ashleigh Brilliant % Try to value useful qualities in one who loves you. @@ -430,8 +415,7 @@ Tuesday is the Wednesday of the rest of your life. % What happened last night can happen again. % -While you recently had your problems on the run, they've regrouped and -are making another attack. +While you recently had your problems on the run, they've regrouped and are making another attack. % Write yourself a threatening letter and pen a defiant reply. % @@ -451,8 +435,7 @@ You are confused; but this is your normal state. % You are deeply attached to your friends and acquaintances. % -You are destined to become the commandant of the fighting men of the -department of transportation. +You are destined to become the commandant of the fighting men of the department of transportation. % You are dishonest, but never to the point of hurting a friend. % @@ -472,8 +455,7 @@ You are number 6! Who is number one? % You are only young once, but you can stay immature indefinitely. % -You are scrupulously honest, frank, and straightforward. Therefore you -have few friends. +You are scrupulously honest, frank, and straightforward. Therefore you have few friends. % You are sick, twisted and perverted. I like that in a person. % @@ -485,15 +467,13 @@ You are taking yourself far too seriously. % You are the only person to ever get this message. % -You are wise, witty, and wonderful, but you spend too much time reading -this sort of trash. +You are wise, witty, and wonderful, but you spend too much time reading this sort of trash. % You attempt things that you do not even plan because of your extreme stupidity. % You can create your own opportunities this week. Blackmail a senior executive. % -You can do very well in speculation where land or anything to do with dirt -is concerned. +You can do very well in speculation where land or anything to do with dirt is concerned. % You can rent this space for only $5 a week. % @@ -515,8 +495,7 @@ You fill a much-needed gap. % You get along very well with everyone except animals and people. % -You had some happiness once, but your parents moved away, and you had to -leave it behind. +You had some happiness once, but your parents moved away, and you had to leave it behind. % You have a deep appreciation of the arts and music. % @@ -541,8 +520,7 @@ You have an ambitious nature and may make a name for yourself. % You have an unusual equipment for success. Be sure to use it properly. % -You have an unusual magnetic personality. Don't walk too close to -metal objects which are not fastened down. +You have an unusual magnetic personality. Don't walk too close to metal objects which are not fastened down. % You have an unusual understanding of the problems of human relationships. % @@ -566,8 +544,7 @@ You have the capacity to learn from mistakes. You'll learn a lot today. % You have the power to influence all with whom you come in contact. % -You learn to write as if to someone else because NEXT YEAR YOU WILL BE -"SOMEONE ELSE." +You learn to write as if to someone else because NEXT YEAR YOU WILL BE "SOMEONE ELSE." % You like to form new friendships and make new acquaintances. % @@ -581,15 +558,13 @@ You love your home and want it to be beautiful. % You may be gone tomorrow, but that doesn't mean that you weren't here today. % -You may be infinitely smaller than some things, but you're infinitely -larger than others. +You may be infinitely smaller than some things, but you're infinitely larger than others. % You may be recognized soon. Hide. % You may get an opportunity for advancement today. Watch it! % -You may worry about your hair-do today, but tomorrow much peanut butter will -be sold. +You may worry about your hair-do today, but tomorrow much peanut butter will be sold. % You need more time; and you probably always will. % @@ -615,8 +590,7 @@ You seek to shield those you love and you like the role of the provider. % You shall be rewarded for a dastardly deed. % -You should emulate your heros, but don't carry it too far. Especially -if they are dead. +You should emulate your heros, but don't carry it too far. Especially if they are dead. % You should go home. % @@ -640,8 +614,7 @@ You will be advanced socially, without any special effort on your part. % You will be aided greatly by a person whom you thought to be unimportant. % -You will be attacked by a beast who has the body of a wolf, the tail of -a lion, and the face of Donald Duck. +You will be attacked by a beast who has the body of a wolf, the tail of a lion, and the face of Donald Duck. % You will be audited by the Internal Revenue Service. % @@ -739,8 +712,7 @@ You will live a long, healthy, happy life and make bags of money. % You will live to see your grandchildren. % -You will lose your present job and have to become a door to door mayonnaise -salesman. +You will lose your present job and have to become a door to door mayonnaise salesman. % You will meet an important person who will help you advance professionally. % @@ -756,8 +728,7 @@ You will overcome the attacks of jealous associates. % You will pass away very quickly. % -You will pay for your sins. If you have already paid, please disregard -this message. +You will pay for your sins. If you have already paid, please disregard this message. % You will pioneer the first Martian colony. % @@ -775,8 +746,7 @@ You will soon meet a person who will play an important role in your life. % You will step on the night soil of many countries. % -You will stop at nothing to reach your objective, but only because your -brakes are defective. +You will stop at nothing to reach your objective, but only because your brakes are defective. % You will triumph over your enemy. % @@ -798,18 +768,15 @@ You'll be called to a post requiring ability in handling groups of people. % You'll be sorry... % -You'll feel devilish tonight. Toss dynamite caps under a flamenco dancer's -heel. +You'll feel devilish tonight. Toss dynamite caps under a flamenco dancer's heel. % You'll feel much better once you've given up hope. % You'll never be the man your mother was! % -You'll never see all the places, or read all the books, but fortunately, -they're not all recommended. +You'll never see all the places, or read all the books, but fortunately, they're not all recommended. % -You'll wish that you had done some of the hard things when they were easier -to do. +You'll wish that you had done some of the hard things when they were easier to do. % You're a card which will have to be dealt with. % @@ -823,8 +790,7 @@ You're currently going through a difficult transition period called "Life." % You're definitely on their list. The question to ask next is what list it is. % -You're growing out of some of your problems, but there are others that -you're growing into. +You're growing out of some of your problems, but there are others that you're growing into. % You're not my type. For that matter, you're not even my species!!! % @@ -838,11 +804,9 @@ Your aim is high and to the right. % Your aims are high, and you are capable of much. % -Your analyst has you mixed up with another patient. Don't believe a -thing he tells you. +Your analyst has you mixed up with another patient. Don't believe a thing he tells you. % -Your best consolation is the hope that the things you failed to get weren't -really worth having. +Your best consolation is the hope that the things you failed to get weren't really worth having. % Your boss climbed the corporate ladder, wrong by wrong. % @@ -860,8 +824,7 @@ Your domestic life may be harmonious. % Your fly might be open (but don't check it just now). % -Your goose is cooked. -(Your current chick is burned up too!) +Your goose is cooked. (Your current chick is burned up too!) % Your heart is pure, and your mind clear, and your soul devout. % @@ -885,8 +848,7 @@ Your mode of life will be changed for the better because of good news soon. % Your mode of life will be changed for the better because of new developments. % -Your motives for doing whatever good deed you may have in mind will be -misinterpreted by somebody. +Your motives for doing whatever good deed you may have in mind will be misinterpreted by somebody. % Your nature demands love and your happiness depends on it. %