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had drunk sex with a girl that I barely know
husband dropped me off at work
5 year old nephew showed me green martians he'd made with his new Play Doh set
came home to find a sock I previously used to whack off on my bed with googly eyes and a mouth drawn on it with a note that read Because you can't find a real girl I made your current one prettier Love Mom
was having sex with my boyfriend
texted my college boyfriend to tell him how terrible I felt about cheating
saw an elderly man fall in a crosswalk so I jumped off my bike to help
son said Mommy sometimes my pee-pee goes up like a stick
boss called me into his office to show me the web site of a potential business partner
took the bus to work and a sweet old lady got on after me and sat next to me
daughter asked me when was the first time I had sex
five year old daughter was watching cartoons on TV
went on a date with a guy for the first time
was at the park when I saw a homeless man sleeping on a bench
texted my boyfriend saying Hi
was taking a nap
forgot to do my French homework but since it was an online worksheet I told my teacher my internet wasn't working
heard my daughter scream at my son through the bathroom door Are you jacking off in there or something?! and him scream back at her Shut up you F*ing cunt! My daughter is 7 and my son is 8
saw a video of me last night hammered climbing my wardrobe screaming I WANT TO GO TO NARNIA naked
bit my boyfriend's neck
was going to have sex with my Hispanic boyfriend
had a very intense sexual dream that made me come and left me panting when I woke up
was a TA for a history class and the class was taking a test
awoke to the sound of my dad knocking on my dorm room door for a surprise visit
six year old told me I have a big nose
was getting sick of listening to the guy in the next room over getting nasty with some girl so I called my girlfriend to see if she wanted to go get some food
husband of 9 years announced he was gay
was walking when a man pointed a camera at me so I decided to be bitchy about it and say Did I say you could take a picture? and he replied with No but can you get the fuck out of the way so I can take one of my wife and kids
found out that whilst I was asleep last night my boyfriend was playing on his XBox
was sitting on a bench enjoying the sun when a guy came and sat next to me
was playing around with my sister's kitten
boyfriend and I were cuddling on his couch when suddenly I tried to get up
went out with my family and boyfriend for dinner
tampon string was hanging from my bathing suit
even trying I convinced my 17-year-old daughter that blueberries are just peas holding their breath
told my parents that I wanted a little brother
got a call saying that my son was chasing all the girls in the class with his Sword of Death otherwise known as my dildo
found out that my boyfriend is cheating on me with the same guy I was cheating on him with
boyfriend and I were laying naked in my bed making out
found out my boyfriend stacks things on me while I sleep
my science class I sit next to my friend Jill
boyfriend handcuffed me to the bed naked
friend had to take my cat who has a tumor to be put down when I wasn't home since I couldn't bare to take him myself
was talking to my mom
my 18th birthday
ran over a squirrel
girlfriend was giving me head while I was watching Star Trek and I accidentally called her Spock
was talked into having sex with my boyfriend of 4 years
mom put some bubblewrap on my desk because she thought I would have fun with it
wake up switch on TV and the first thing I see is the picture of a wanted rapist who looks just like me
car was in the shop so I borrowed my wife's VW Beetle convertible
had my first job interview and didn't have much of an appetite because of the nerves
was at my school's spaghetti dinner with my family
boss fired me via text message
decided to take a nap
went to the store to buy groceries
went shopping with my new It's true I'm a Ninja shirt on
was letting my boyfriend of 4 years tie me up and do stuff to me
girl and I were chilling in my apartment and things got heated up and we started making out
I got home I went into my room to find a Bratz doll and a Ken doll laying naked on top of each other on my bed
football club gave us all jerseys with our last names on them
the dentist I was getting my teeth cleaned
boyfriend thought it would be funny to speak Parseltongue to my vagina to prepare the Chamber of Secrets for entry
was about to lose my virginity with my girlfriend of 2 years when I got an urgent phone call from my 9-year-old sister telling me I had to come home immediately
guys broke into my apartment to rob me at gunpoint
found out that the girl I've been dating online for over three months is actually a very bored 14 year old boy
was at the doctors office after throwing up for the past week
was having sex with my girlfriend when I came
decided to tell my mom about my choice to wait to have sex until after marriage
was playing with my pet hamster and I decided to put it down my pants for fun
had to give a presentation about Adolf Hitler
first girlfriend of over 3 years left me for another guy
was at the extremely crowded gym when someone came up behind me and shouted in my ear scaring the living shit out of me
went to get a condom because my boyfriend and I were going to have sex for the first time
was on the phone bragging to a friend about losing my virginity last night
had to take a dump
found out that I'm pregnant
was bored at my job at Home Depot
got back my math test
told my morbidly obese teacher that he had mustard on his chin
realized I've been playing too much Call of Duty
mother called me downstairs to give me what I assumed was going to be The Talk (About four years too late)
was eating M&Ms on a chair when I dropped one and it fell under my crotch
new cocktail dress: $300
was trying to have sex with my boyfriend David
11 year old brother walked in on me sitting on my boyfriend's ass and giving him a back massage
boyfriend and I decided to have sex for the first time
boyfriend who likes to get high was driving me insisting he wasn't currently high
boyfriend of 2 years took me to get a tattoo done with his name on
fiancee broke up with me
family was preparing a turkey for my grandma's birthday dinner when my aunt noticed a utensil on the counter and asked what it was for
was serving a family at the restaurant where I work
went to announce to my son that I am pregnant again
and my boyfriend came back to my house after a night on the town
sent a picture to my girlfriend of my erect penis with a quote saying It's waiting for you
was in my new boyfriend's apartment for the first time
boyfriend broke up with me
was at McDonald's and I was going through the drive-thru
boyfriend and I were having sex
7 year old girl randomly came up to me and told me to fuck myself
got hypnotized at my school's variety show
was at my girlfriends house with just me and her
was having sex with my boyfriend when he started shaking really hard
arrived home to find my cat dead and note saying Sorry I tripped over him
reading some chemistry notes I came across the term solid water
girlfriend wanted to name my penis
received a call from child care
saw a couple of beetles doing it
was naked on top of my boyfriend looking lovingly into his eyes
was at the mall blasting music I was wearing a nice shirt and had my ipod in my breast pocket when I noticed a cute girl smiling at me so I smiled back and she started to walk over while turning down my music while smiling
parents were out so I invited my girlfriend over
witnessed a horrible car accident and was interviewed by the local news
found out my mom paid my best friend $20 to be my friend when we were 10
Jackson died
elevator got stuck in between floor 4 and 5 at my doctors office
grandma walked into my room and asked if the thing lying on my nightstand was a computer
was enjoying some much needed serenity while I ate lunch in an empty park
need to find a way to explain to my 5 7 and 12 year old kids their uncle wants to become their aunt
fell asleep in class
the airport my mom began talking about how useless the war in Iraq was and how dumb the soldiers that serve there were for enlisting during the war
at dinner I told my boyfriend that I wished he liked sushi
was putting my 2 year old to bed and I began to sing to her
was setting up my laptop's fingerprint scanner
was rejected from the University of Washington
boyfriend and I were in our room getting hot and heavy
found out that my son is not really gay
was feeling sick and having trouble breathing easily
boyfriend and I decided to try anal sex
had to explain to my son that his dad was too busy in a raid on World of Warcraft to be at his award ceremony
was masturbating into a sock when I felt something on my cock
I was out to eat I was approached by the restaurant manager
the first time ever a woman saw my penis
was in the car with my friends
rode my bike to work
was at the cafeteria of my school with my boyfriend and he dumped me
cat was in the bathroom with me
went on a date with my boyfriend
performed in my school play
over-protective mom decided to do a blacklight test on my room to make sure I wasn't doing the naughty in my bed
my wedding
asked my boyfriend what he was being for halloween
cousin and I found out that when a girl puts a flower in the right side of her hair it means she's available
older brother told me that no matter how fast you run at automatic sliding doors they'll open in time
boyfriend kept trying to convince me to do anal with him
the middle of the night I was punched in the face by my frightened girlfriend who had just been awakened by her own fart
was riding on the back of my dad's motorcycle
wonderful boyfriend asked me if I wanted him to cook me scrambled eggs with sausage for breakfast
boyfriend proposed to me at the zoo
was talking to my guy friend about prom
was driving on the motorway when a cop car made me stop
boyfriend and I were about to have sex for the first time
thought I heard my little sister playing on my brand new grand piano
walked in on my boyfriend watching a home made sex tape he had previously made with his ex-girlfriend
husband and I were in bed and just as I was about to finish he screamed Oh shit! It's 4:15 my strawberries are gonna whither!!!! and then jumped off me and went to check on his farm on FarmVille
was in an elevator and the hot girl who lives in my building and who I have a crush on got in
texted my boyfriend of 6 months saying that I was in the mood and that I was in bed and naked
was cleaning one of my elderly patient's teeth
was walking through Macy's with my girlfriend
was riding the subway to work
went into labor with my first child and as much as I pleaded I had to wait for my husband to finish his raid in World of Warcraft before he'd take me to the hospital
had a job interview
was bored and decided it would be fun to pretend to be an undercover cop and pull over other cars
was the only one in an elevator when an attractive girl came in talking on her phone
girl-scout asked me to buy cookies in front of Giant
dog started to hump my leg
found out I have a daughter
went through the drive through at Dunkin Donuts and asked for an iced coffee
had my first appearance in a court as an attorney
went to meet my girlfriends parents for the first time
my husband said that when we have sex he almost gets as excited as he does when he gets a chopper gunner on Black Ops
was going down on a girl
got a call from the hospital that my fiance was in the ER
had an elaborate plan to ask this girl to Prom and it was going to take a few minutes to set up
boyfriend left me for my step-sister
noticed a string was following behind our family cat
mom and I went to Winn-Dixie
was at walmart when my stomach began to hurt
found out that my best friend lost her virginity to my father
parents told me about how they met
mom drove me to football practice
was rushed to the hospital because I was crying so hard I couldn't breathe
class was focusing on discrimination and our teacher asked us if anyone had ever felt discriminated against
in my class wrote 'erase me if you can' at the very top of the board as I am always tormented about how short I am compared to everyone else
guy friend and I were in his dorm room watching a movie when he started kissing me
am 3 months pregnant
work a woman came up to the counter and asked if we made sweet and sour chicken
found out that my sister who is 16 years older than me is actually my biological mother
playing basketball with my little brother
went up to a secluded mountain my boyfriend took me to for our first date
was giving my boyfriend head
went to a funeral for my coworker's father
was in spanish class having a debate about the death penalty
found out just how thin the walls at my new student flat are
toddler stood up in the shopping cart and fell giving himself a black eye
girlfriend and I were watching TV randomly she starts to undo my belt buckle unzips my fly and then takes my pants off
had to go to the police station to pick up my 42 year old dad
called a suicide prevention hotline
got a call from my son's second grade teacher
was at the mall with my mom
was picking my daughter up at day care
my wedding night
woke up in the hospital
of my husband's old college buddies came over for dinner
daughter and husband decided to surprise me at work
found out that my husband named our daughter after his favorite porn star
was having sex with my girlfriend
friends had ditched me for a party I hadn't been invited to so I was sitting home alone
I just found out that my ex girlfriend is gonna be my step mother
was watching a horror movie with my girlfriend
got an email from the company that manages my Cat's microchip informing me that I had to update my information that had been entered by the local Humane Society
was in the bathroom getting ready to take a shower
cat learned how to flush the toilet while I was in the shower
was walking with and hugging my girlfriend at the same time
6 year old daughter saw a man in a wheelchair who's leg had been amputated
found out my little sister was a stripper
daughter came up to me crying
was eating at a Mexican restaurant with my sister
lunch I was running to my group's table with my friend
was making out with my boyfriend when he suddenly stopped and looked at me
was on Skype with a guy I really like in the living room
took a call
told my boyfriend I was really horny
was fooling around a bit with my girlfriend while cooking dinner when she said Don't get too excited I want to watch The Princess and the Frog tonight
teach English in Taiwan
adorable 8 year old son told me he no longer wanted me to pick him up from school
decided to have sex for the first time with my boyfriend
went to the doctor for horrible stomach pains
I was working at McDonald's a man and his wife ordered a Sundae
woman came to my counter and ordered 12 donuts I said OK sure a dozen donuts
was with my mom and my boyfriend at lunch
boyfriend said he wants a Hello Kitty wedding
was typing up a love letter on my computer
fiancé's parents visited
running on the treadmill at the gym the girl next to me slipped and went flying back against the wall
walked into the kitchen and accidentally broke my mother's vase
house got broken into
I caught my daughter attempting to stick pencils up our cat's butt
boyfriend of 17 months the first guy to tell me he loves me the guy I lost my virginity to the only guy whose parents I've met told me we should stop 'hooking up' because it's weird that I was telling everyone we were a couple and it was ruining his chances of finding a girlfriend
walked in on my husband in our room completely naked
shadowed an ultrasound technician for my future career
walked in on my boyfriend saying I shall be the prince and you shall be the princess to his hamster
boyfriend decided he hates my male best friend because they have 'conflicting interests
asleep I dropped my pill before I could take it
ask a boy I really liked to my school's turnabout dance I gave him a box full of 10 cupcakes that spelled out T-U-R-N-A-B-O-U-T-?
5 year old son and I went out
the shower a dime fell on my foot
was shopping at a supermarket
had to sleep in the same room as my grandparents
got on an elevator with a woman and her child
slept over at my friend's house but forgot my glasses
was taking a bath and out of boredom started making sheep noises
flew to see my long distance boyfriend who I haven't seen in 6 months
a hard rock concert a bunch of guys accidentally knocked down a port-a-potty while moshing
showering my 3 year old son comes to the bathroom and puts on all my makeup
was fooling around with my girlfriend for the first time
texted my boyfriend to see if he wanted to finally have sex today
was quietly having a bath when I felt something fall onto my shoulder blade
boyfriend and I were about to have sex
was watching this TV show where a man was describing how much he loved this woman how he made every opportunity to see her and how he loved her in a way nobody else could
was casually looking through my girlfriend's phone while she got ready though she made me promise not to
got very drunk after being fired from my job
socialising after a church service I discovered I'm still referred to as Fireshit's brother after an incident a year ago which involved my sister screaming The devil is coming out of my anus! from the lavatory
doctor told me to buy some KY Jelly and a dildo to help loosen me up so sex isn't so painful
posted a status update on Facebook about how much I liked the Season Finale of NBC's Heroes
went into my older brother's room to get a condom
realized that our generation will be remembered as the kids who liked sparkly vampires
daughter told my son that Santa is not real
shopping in the store I bought the Retro Sport Tee I didn't notice you are suppose to put your own on the shirt
my boyfriends birthday
saw a homeless man on the corner I thought I would be generous and give him some cash
boyfriend of 4 years proposed to me
had my high school reunion
was playing one on one soccer with a girl like
boyfriend decided to come over and surprise me
walking in the mall I had two people race past me in wheelchairs
saw my super creepy live-in uncle standing in the kitchen holding a pair of my underwear and smiling at it humming to himself
boyfriend returned from a 2 month internship in New York
was my wedding day and while I was standing next to my husband in front of all of our guests I was rocking on my heels because I was nervous
suburban white boyfriend of two years told me he wanted to tell me something serious
was taking a shower when my boyfriend suddenly hopped in with me
got sent to detention for saying that's what she said after a girl in my class said push a little harder while disecting a frog
on my honeymoon with my new wife I tried to be romantic by installing a clapper to the lights in our room
was making out with my boyfriend
the wee hours of the morning I decided to make a naked dash to the bathroom unfortunately my dad decided to do the same thing at the exact same time
was texting my trainer to rearrange our training session
to my boyfriend about each others families we noticed we both had an aunt with the same name
was having sex with my wife when my 14 year old daughter from her room texts me Stop
asked my boyfriend while he was eating potato chips if he wanted to eat me
was laying in bed naked and blindfolded
met my girlfriend's very religious parents for dinner
was volunteering at a nursing home calling bingo numbers
daughter asked me what the youngest age you should start having sex is being a good mother I said that she shouldn't have sex until after she's been married
parents asked me if I had a nice time with my girlfriend at the amusement park I took her to yesterday
had a wrestling match
went to a party and the cops came to bust the party
was sitting at my college campus there were good looking girls all around me and I was trying to catch their eye and smile letting them know I'm available
girlfriend broke up with me because of my dad constantly hitting on her
eating dinner with my family I found out my boyfriend recorded me screaming while having sex with him on my phone and set it as my ring tone on high volume
spent the whole day seeing how many licks it would take to get to the center of a Tootsie Roll Pop: 763
realized that I'll have to explain to my child that mommy and daddy met on World of Warcraft
found out that my 43 year old wife has been having a cyber relationship with a 14 year old kid on Halo
was sifting through my parents old home movies
had my first kiss standing in front of my front door
woke up finding myself violently humping my pillow
walked in on my boyfriend of 5 years getting intimate with my best friend
cousin told me that the stop signs outlined with a white line were optional
boyfriend and I had sex for the first time
tried to break up with my boyfriend
class I was sitting next to the guy that I fancy
was walking by a pond when I saw a small frog
man dressed as Santa Claus walked by me grabbing my butt
found out my blood type is B
was making out with this guy and I ask him if he wants to take my bra off
Burger King I was leaning against the railing looking at the menu
mother and I got into a huge fight about me being a lesbian
was cashier at work
woke up to a hand rubbing my very erect penis and a woman's peppermint breath in my ear
was at a 21st birthday party
was at a sandwich shop and couldn't help but secretly remove a loose hair from a girl standing in front of me
dentist sneezed in my mouth
found a box of birthday candles sitting on the coffee table
was having sex with my boyfriend
whole family was sitting in the kitchen
was masturbating in the dark with the door open
had to pretend to give birth in a play
mother my aunt and my two sisters are all on their periods
was driving down the road at about 10pm when the passenger in the car in front of me threw something out the window
brother and I were going to give our parents their anniversary gift which cost us over $3000
6 year old son learned that if you give a mouse a cookie he will ask for a glass of milk
was at the mall with my boyfriend and 2 friends
got a meat pie for lunch
driving to the store an idiot driver found it to be okay to drive ridiculously fast in below freezing temperatures on the ice and snow
noticed I have to lift up my fat to see my penis
thought it would be funny to bother my friend Emily
boyfriend informed me that in the event of a zombie apocalypse he'd kill me before I got infected
boyfriend said that we needed to talk he then told me that he cheated on me with my brother several times but that it was a mistake he is in fact not gay just experimenting and that we should still stay together
got my brother a pet hamster because he has trouble making friends
was flirting via text with a coworker
thought it would be funny to sneak up behind my cat and scare it with a loud boo! The cat responded by jumping up and running across my apartment which would have been fine except for the fact she left a trail of liquid shit everywhere she went
asked my boyfriend to try and man up and act a bit tougher
was telling my mother about my earrings hurting my ears
was so lonely that I had a 3 hour conversation with a one-legged cricket I found in my room
was called by my 9 year old son's teacher
wore the new bathing suit my boyfriend got me for my birthday to a family reunion pool party
mom told my boyfriend all about how she had to be a parent volunteer when I was in kindergarten
was at the movies with my mom and dad and the preview to my My Sisters Keeper came on
was helping an old man find a pair of shoes
spending the night hanging out with a beautiful girl we start to walk back to my place
was out eating lunch with my parents when my mom complained that I eat too quickly and don't thoroughly chew my food
meant to express to my friends that I was enamored with a young saleswoman I had encountered at a store
daughter had just left for a date with her boyfriend
boyfriend was coming over so I bought this sexy corset some fishnets silettos and see-through thong
woman drove through my house
asked my boyfriend of almost ten months who his top five women to have it off with would be
grandmother told me to say sofa king retarded really fast
mom had my girlfriend and I over
celebrated my 21st birthday
was getting a pedicure and the woman sitting next to me asked the lady if she could take the skin she had scraped off my feet home to her birds because they love skin
my school the student council is trying to raise $5000 for Haiti
found out that I was adopted now my gay brother thinks it's acceptable to tell me that he's always wanted to have sex with me
went into a haunted house
boyfriend and I were having sex
tripped on a step that said Watch your step
rented a copy How To Train Your Dragon for my young son to watch
family and I were at a restaurant
adorable five and a half year old boy told me that when he grows up he's going to be my boyfriend
sent out my monthly curriculum list to the parents of the kids in my math class so they can see what their children will be learning
met my roommate for the first time
asked my girl friend of a year and a half to give me a blow job
was at the mall shoplifting when a girl who looked my age pointed to a shirt I had in my bag
thought I saw a woodchuck far out in my yard
was shaving off my beard for the first time in a very long time
got very dressed up and was excited for my uncle's wedding
giving a brief presentation at work I blanked out on what I was going to say
son told his teacher that she has a nice rack
got up the nerve to text the girl I've had a crush on to ask her on a date
boyfriend and I were playing around
was walking through Borders with my girlfriend when we pass a girl scout cookies stand
daughter walked in on me taking a shower
I was substitute teaching a middle school class a boy named Chris refused to get in the boy's line for the bathroom
realized my friends and I should be more careful what we say around my younger brother
was having cybersex via webcam with my boyfriend
boyfriend and I took a late night drive and after a while he stopped at a gas station and asked if I wanted anything I replied guess
the church service was over my two year old granddaughter started to sing into the microphone
found my long lost diary and curiously read it
realized what my mom has been calling me for 20 years
decided to surprise my boyfriend at his college and when I walked into the dorm he was lying in his bed with another girl
boyfriend admitted that he'd like to dress me in a squirrel suit and chase me through the forest
was filling out paperwork with my new doctor
girlfriend of 2 years and I decided to have sex for the first time
left a party after drinking and was soon pulled over
an Aunt's wake my five year old son walked up to the coffin and with the whole family around him exclaimed Well that's good I was wondering where she's been
was on the phone with a prospective blind date
was ambushed by a very angry beaver
got hit in the mouth with a hockey stick and lost four teeth
my first meeting with business partners as I am new to the team
went to use the public restroom
mother and I went to Wal-Mart to buy pads
was in a tour group going through a cave and our guide stopped turned off the lights and told us to be quiet so we could feel absolute silence
boyfriend called asking before I could even talk to bring a condom- NOW
was in a public washroom and I had to take a dump
was packing my son's lunch and we ran out of water bottles
woke up screaming
was at my boyfriend's house while his plumbing was being redone
friend was pulled over and told to get out of the car
slept in late and when I woke up thought I was the only one in the house so I decided to walk around the corner to the only upstairs bathroom naked
boyfriend of over a year looked at me and said Sometimes I just want to hit you
got pulled over while dancing to crazy techno beats in the car
girlfriend of 8 years dumped me
tried for the first time putting a condom on my boyfriend using my mouth
was coaching a little league soccer game
was in a public restroom taking a dump
I was waiting to take a dump in a gas station restroom
9 year old nephew found his way onto my iTunes
the dinner table my parents were talking to my younger sister about her new boyfriend and how they should be taking it slow
driving home from work an old homeless man stepped out on front of my car
saw a lesbian couple walking through the mall
boyfriend and I decided to have sex at his house
daughter got engaged
boyfriend confessed his desire to have sex while I'm on my period
turned on my camera to find pictures of my dad's secretary giving him a blowjob
was leaving to go over to a friend's and my parents suddenly ask if I'm gay
was spacing out in French class and randomly got an erection
was going on a first date with a girl I really like
got prostate examination for the first time
finally told my parents I would be changing bedrooms because I could no longer stand hearing them having sex which is awkward and disturbing
was at the dentist getting a cavity filled
friend sent me a bumper sticker that said Do you know that gullible said slowly sounds like 'green bears'? I spent quite a few minutes trying to get gullible to sound like green bears until I realized that it didn't
mother sent a letter to my best friend trying to comfort her over the death of her mother
went to get a sports physical at a hospital
was sitting at a traffic light when a cute girl appeared at the side of the road
boyfriend got mugged
fell asleep in history class
found out that you can get arrested for holding up a 'free hugs' sign
had to play the role of superman in a production on stage
asked my mom if I could join my friends in getting lessons in self defense
was watching an animal behavior movie
went to a chinese restaurant with my asian girlfriend
went to my friend's house for the first time
went to my son's soccer game
was peeing in the shower when my girlfriend suddenly pulled open the shower curtain in an attempt to scare me
passed a homeless person asking for change
walked into the bathroom and found my sister cleaning her vibrator
got our yearbooks for school
bought a new mailbox to replace the old one that was stolen
dreamed I was getting married
was texting two people at once
was going through my old MSN conversations
found out that my dad hides his Viagra from my mom by keeping it in an Aspirin container
boss walked in my office to see me busy making a little Post-it dress for my pen
visited home
went to the mall with my daughter
rushed home to tell my parents my girlfriend had accepted my proposal
6 year old daughter walked in on my husband and I getting it on
told my parents that I was going out with my boyfriend and they agreed to let me go as long as I was home by midnight
was talking this pretty religious girl that I like
was sucking on a Tic Tac when it suddenly shot down my windpipe
drove my girlfriend home around 11 to her garage where we start to have sex
saw my ex-boyfriend at the mall kissing another man
was driving with my dog
was my high school graduation
was giving a class presentation when I suddenly sneezed so hard I wet myself
Milkbone commercial came on TV
woke up with my face sharpied
called my boyfriend crying to tell him I had the most terrible day
learned I was adopted and that my parents had died in a car accident when I was really young
was playing hide and seek with a few friends
my boyfriend and I were fighting in the car I paused to take a bite of my burrito
was having sex with my husband
reading a sign at the airport my 6-year-old son thought it would be funny to yell Daddy's got a bomb! Airport security then tackled me to the ground
son stuck coins in our DVD player
walked in on my boyfriend getting it on with the neighbour's daughter
fiance was performing oral on me when I heard him start making a Waka waka waka waka noise
sleeping over at my girlfriend's house for the first time I got up to go to the bathroom
decided to be adventurous and give my boyfriend head in the downstairs tv room
was sitting in my basement watching IT
caught my little brother peeping at my friend getting dressed in the bathroom
was having sex with my boyfriend
heard my boyfriend of 3 months talking with his friend not knowing I could hear them
was on the phone with my best guy friend who I have loved for years
took a picture of my privates on my girlfriends cell phone and set it as her background without her knowing
went to my Calculus lecture one of a class of 200 people
finally got into a yoga class with the instructor I've been crushing on for 2 years
tried on the new dress I bought for myself
finally had sex with this great guy I've been seeing
was working as a swim instructor for kids
finally got up the nerve to ask this really cute girl out I've had a crush on for over eight months
boyfriend and parents went out to dinner
was standing by the bed naked waiting for my wife to come out of the bathroom
four in the morning I was asleep with my boyfriend beside me
girlfriend came over to me like she was going to kiss me and instead rubbed her chin all over my face exclaiming Can you feel my beard coming in? Yes yes I could
working at a Subway store right next to a big hospital there was a big line of people all getting their subs toasted
met with a friend who had gained some weight since I saw him last
made a friend on an online chat
was fingering my girlfriend
was masturbating to a video a friend sent me
found out that my girlfriend of two years broke up with me because she wants to become a lesbian
was babysitting
found a bell that had been tied into the tassel of my ski hat by my twin sister as part of a longstanding prank war between us
was playing a medieval game with my brother when he took all of his character's clothes off and said Let's have sex! I looked at him and said UH YOU ARE MY BROTHER! He turns and looks at me smiling and says But not in the game! I am a 19 year old girl
decided to send my boyfriend a pic text of me naked
found dried cum in my hair - after being at work for two hours
dad gave me a promise ring on my one year anniversary with my boyfriend and made me swear I would wait til marriage
and my friend decided to spy on my crush
was sleeping because I had been sick
boyfriend of five years gave me the silent treatment refusing to talk to me or do anything more than glare at me during the entire three hour drive we took this morning
sent everyone a text on my phone book saying Happy Star Wars Day!!! May the Fourth be with you!! I forgot to uncheck my exgirlfriend's number
was woken up by my own fart
saw a very attractive female police officer while at the DMV
drunk dude broke into my house while my parents were out
went to a bar with two guys I was interested in
fractured my knuckle at the gym
was riding my bike and stopped at a street light
discovered I am the before picture in an internet weight loss advert
was in the gas station and I saw this creepy lady staring at me and smiling
mom when randomly turned to me and said: You know you're the kind of person that has to change literally everything about themselves to get a guy to like you
talking to my boyfriend I was frantically searching for my cell phone
was walking to school
was home on leave and having breakfast with my parents and my younger brothers
took my brother and nieces to the zoo
went to the movies with some girlfriends
found out why my husband had wanted to wait until marriage to get it on
got home from work and heard the shower in my bathroom running
dad asked me for a word that rhymes with vagina
boyfriend was going down on me
got stuck in an elevator for 2 hours with my boyfriend and the guy that I have been secretly having an affair with for 6 months
was volunteering at a school
went to my 7 year old son's school for a conference with his teacher
had a bath in the bathroom we are currently renovating
took a bike ride to enjoy the weather and stopped for a break on the sidewalk of an overpass taking in the view of the beautiful hills
woke up to find The Sims 2 running on pause on my laptop
the midst of foreplay this girl tells me I am so hot I respond Ditto
was in charge of throwing a party for my mom
get to see my boyfriend again after a month
was on my girlfriend's computer
decided to take a nap in the university library
was getting ready for my first date with a boy I really like when my dad insisted on meeting him
was in the bathroom at the mall when a homeless man came in mumbling to himself
went out to eat dinner with my family to celebrate my 18th birthday
went on a blind date
months of trying my wife of seven years told me she is finally pregnant
was walking to class with my roommate
boyfriend was going down on me
asked my Swedish friend for some lines to impress this swedish girl I met at an expat party he took me to
was at my boyfriend's house
was at Target with my mom and we finished purchasing our items
I went to bed I watched a terrifying movie with zombies
the hooker I have been seeing regularly for almost a year texted me to say she thinks we should no longer see each other again
went to the doctor with my parents
were visiting my great-grandma who has Alzheimer’s
family threw me a surprise party
lesbian sister enthusiastically showed me her new strap on
discovered my 18 year old son has been peeing on the carpet when he is too lazy to get out of bed in the morning and blaming it on the cat
was playing catch with my 6 year old cousin in the garden when he demanded a piggy back
was in the car with my 16 year old daughter
April fools I decided to set off the smoke detectors in my friends apartment while he was sleeping and saran wrap the outside of his bedroom doorway so he would smack into it
was having sex with a guy I met and in the middle of it his mother called him
6 year old daughter somehow learned about sex
told my 3 year old daughter to behave or I'd spank her
was taking off my underwear to change into fresh clothes
was having sex with a girl
was outside eating my lunch when an old man pulled his pants down and took a dump on the sidewalk next to me
had to clean bathroom duties at work
gave the option to my boyfriend of 5 years to either quit World of Warcraft of lose me
met my boyfriend's notoriously difficult mother
got a call from my child's preschool saying that Mindy keeps saying she sits on her daddy's lap and plays with his peter
in the middle of having sex with my husband instead of saying something sexy in my ear he whisperedWe are so gonna make pizza after this!
had dinner with the girl I thought I would end up marrying
was lying in bed throwing a football in the air and catching it
sixteen year old son told me that he's following his guidance counselor's advice: to do what his hero does for a living
girlfriend told me on facebook to stop calling/texting her because she lost her phone
friend told me that semen was inflammable
was working as a manager of the local movie theather
was walking along the street and passed a young couple
boyfriend came over for dinner but couldn't eat because he had just gotten his tongue pierced
8 year old little sister said f you to my mom
woke up from a dream about finding a vending machine that gave me free food
sprained my wrist playing Guitar Hero
was home alone in the shower when in the opening of the curtain I could see a man in a ski mask
was having sex with a girl
went for a jog
was teaching a swimming lesson to 6-7 year old boys and girls
learned that removing your boyfriends boxers with your teeth is waaaay less sexy when you accidentally bite a chunk of his pubes and yank them out in the process
was driving home from school when I saw this girl I like walking home
was eating lunch at McDonald's when an older man sat down at the table next to me and told me I was the most beautiful girl he'd ever seen
tried opening a can for the first time using a manual can opener
was pissing in a urinal and I had the urge to sneeze
work my ipod was stolen from my desk when I was away
told my boyfriend I wanted to see more of his passionate side
was in a public restroom when the girl in the stall next to me started asking me how I was doing
watching The Many Adventures of Winnie-the-Pooh with my 5 year old I realized why the kangaroo's name is Kanga and why her son's name is Roo
working my job as a cashier one of the customers that came to the register was a midget
got mugged
girlfriend and I were exchanging some naughty pictures
woke up completely naked in bed with a guy I met the night before
logged onto my computer to access a video from my porn stash
boyfriend and I were getting it on in his room
was nude modeling for the first time for a life art class
went to a concert
found out that my husband made a replica of our family on The Sims 3
showed up at my apartment demanding to look inside
was hanging out with a few of my friends including an old ex-girlfriend and her current boyfriend of 5 years
daughter turned 11
little sister asked me what she would look like when she got older
girlfriend and my parents staged an intervention and have asked me to go to rehab
went to see a famous rapper perform
woke up at my boyfriend's place with grumbling stomach pains
came home to find a BMW partially blocking my driveway
girlfriend threw my X-box out the window because I asked her how much she weighs
found out that my 'girlfriend' who I've been emailing with was really my friend playing a prank on me
car was waiting for me to cross the street so I thought it would be funny to slowly limp across the street
carved a pumpkin for Halloween
checked my Facebook to find I had been tagged in a bunch of photos from a party I had attended last night
went to the pool
got into a huge fight with my boyfriend
was talking to my parents about feeling insecure with my beach body as Spring Break keeps getting closer and closer
met my girlfriend's parents for the first time
my two-year anniversary I got my girlfriend a very expensive diamond necklace
was on top of my boyfriend having sex and I was looking away doing my thing
girlfriend who never initiates sex pulled me into my room and onto my bed with kisses and other seductive behavior
boss was being a total asshole
saw a drunk guy hitting on a girl sitting alone at the bar
tried to imitate Mary Poppins by jumping off a shed with an umbrella
was emailing my professor about what chapters our test is on this afternoon
taking a shower I was enthusiastically singing one of my favorite songs
the train I was bitten by a homeless man
the trailers at the movies my boyfriend elbowed me in the ribs and smiled when an ad for a weight loss institute was shown
had a horrible breakup with my girlfriend of two years
was walking back to my home in the city in the dark
learned that walking on the sidewalk does not mean that you will not be hit by a car
was in the grocery store getting bananas and there was this real hot guy next to me
had the good fortune of finding a seat on the bus not the norm in Peru
a supervisor at a water park several clients came up to me and complained about a topless girl in our wave pool
waiting to get home to go to the bathroom my six year old neighbor popped out and literally scared the shit out of me
met my boyfriend's whole family
babysat a five year old girl
I was walking downtown a homeless person asked me for a dollar
my birthday
was watching Free Willy with my boyfriend
I found out that the woman I'm currently dating used to be a man
boyfriend was going down on me
girl I like came over to my house because I'd promised to help her prepare for a maths test
was with my girlfriend in her room
boss came over to my desk and struck up a casual conversation about movies
parents punished me and made me wash my mouth out with soap for cursing
put my AIM status on my Current iTunes song
found out that my girlfriend had replaced our picture in her locket for a picture of Taylor Lautner shirtless
accidentally walked in on my girlfriend masturbating so I said to her Need a hand with that? to which she replied I'm doing fine here on my own don't ruin it
boyfriend came in my room dressed as Harry Potter and declared that he was going to put his basilisk into my chamber of secrets
best friend slapped me and called me a some colorful words before telling me that she never wanted to talk to me again because I supposedly slept with her boyfriend
boyfriend proposed to me by sending me a Bumper Sticker on Facebook that said Bitch let's get married
boyfriend who is a great cook decided to try his hand at baking
and my boyfriend had some crazy rough sex
boyfriend asked me to meet his parents over Christmas
waked in on my boyfriend and his bestfriend playing Dick Wars while wearing glow in the dark condoms
the Museum I volunteer at I was touching some of the things in the exhibit where you can feel what natural boobs and testes feel like
my friends died
had sex with a girl who cried out as she came Forgive me Lord! Forgive me Lord!
was camping
asked my boyfriend in a sexy way What should we do now honey? He answered Suck my dick? I said I was thinking of something more
was taking a leak in the mall bathroom
in a public restroom I could hear a guy having his way with his hand
I got married
parents gave me a shirt from Banana Republic for my birthday
friends were being rude to me so I decided to be nice to a boy that didn't have many friends
decided to use my mentor's advice
got a new cat
realized my wedding ring was missing
was at the beach with friends and I fell asleep while I was tanning
Burger King I had to go to the bathroom
teacher turned around from the blackboard and screamed Stop chewing your gum like a cow! That wasn't so bad
was performing the classic 69 position with my girlfriend
was having sex with a girl when her parents decided to come home early
got an email from my professor with my grade for a paper
was in a rush and forgot to flush the toilet after taking a huge dump
proposed to my girlfriend in the food court at the mall
the first time my boyfriend slept over
phone died
was informed from a fellow employee at a bar that he finally hit the boss' wife
learned that I wasn't really allergic to chocolate
was visiting my grandmother's house
girlfriend told me that she had an ultrasound tomorrow morning
was at a bar talking to a very attractive young woman
got a phone call saying I was no longer a bridesmaid for a wedding in June
laughed so hard my milk went out my nose in front of the boy I liked
was going to a stoplight party
had to run to catch my train so I didn't get the chance to buy a ticket
found out that not only has my father been cheating on my mother with another woman but they have a child together with the same name as me
was working at IHOP serving a table full of drunk idiots
my mother got remarried
ant bit my penis
asked my parents if the outfit I was wearing made me look fat
met my boyfriend's very strict and traditional Korean parents
parents booked my 18th birthday party at Chuck E Cheese's
boyfriend and I were at his house having sex
woke up and looked in the mirror and noticed that my face was covered in glitter
saw my boyfriend shaving his pubic hair before we had sex
decided to let in my new German Shepherd puppy inside to show the guest how adorable he is
was walking through the park eating fries
headphones were broken so I fixed them with super glue
told my girlfriend's father that I wanted to talk about his daughter
arrived at my parents house for dinner
was pushing my 4 year old on the swing
woke up with extreme stomach pains
I went to see Paranormal Activity 2 with my boyfriend
was in the car with my mom and dad
wife and I watched a documentary film about a kid living with severe asthma
little brother was playing with my cat getting it to chase a laser pointer
asked my boyfriend what celebrity I look like
mom suspected me of doing marijuana
the train on the way to my mother's house I was playing Mariokart with my son
was on the bus going to formal for my sorority
was really windy and rainy causing me to trip and knock into a little kid
boyfriend picked me up to come spend the night at his house and on the way he started pulling over to get some condoms
was about to go and take a shower when I saw a pair of scissors taped to the door at eye level with a note from my boyfriend saying Time to trim that hairy thang down under
boyfriend was really stressed about a guy he works with being a jerk
boyfriend and I were trying to have sex for the first time
was at my bosses house for a company BBQ
was alone in my friend's kitchen
mother found condoms in my room
was babysitting a little boy
pleasuring myself in my bedroom I began absent-mindedly staring at a spider on the ceiling
ate at a friend's house
was having sex with my girlfriend
was lying on the bed with my boyfriend
was at the doctor's office and the doctor asked me have you been having any intimate relations? and the first thing that I blurted out was you mean with other people?
found the source of the bad smell that has been plaguing me for the past two weeks in my apartment
walked home from a guy's dorm early in the morning still wearing my dress and heels from the night before
said to my wife that I wished I had met her 20 years ago
fiance proposed to me at the movies
had a date with this really cute guy
was taking the subway to work when I saw a really hot girl
weird receptionist at the hotel I'm staying at asked me if I needed an extra blanket because I looked cold in my sleep last night
having been a vegetarian for 8 years because I'm opposed to cruelty to animals I lost a bet and had to eat a whole cheeseburger
4 year old son thought it was funny to put money in the shredder
had my car stolen
was having sex with a girl I had just met
I jokingly asked my husband if he had ever cheated on me
was having sex with my girlfriend
was in line in the grocery store with my 3 year old son
got a ticket
got a text message
was chatting with an amazing guy online
ran to a public bathroom because of explosive diarrhea
went to a neon themed party
told my boyfriend that my fantasy was for him to eat me out on the dinner table
asked my boyfriend if there's a reason why he has never gone down on me
got an Enlarge your penis email for the millionth time
girlfriend updated her Facebook status when I was with her
girlfriend of two years broke up with me
crush was walking up to me and I put my earphones in playing hard to get
saw an attractive man outside the club I was trying to get into to
saw Saw IV with my boyfriend
my boyfriend was going down on me he fell asleep right between my legs
was driving my little sister to school
was spooning with my wife when I said It's cold tonight
asked my mother why she didn't drink
confessed to my best friend that I love him and always have
decided to use fake tan seeing as I am so pale
while at work I got a call
had a surgery to remove a cyst from my butt
went to the DMV to renew my license
my gynecologist was having trouble with my exam due to me being too tight
had a date with a guy I've had a crush on for 6 years
watching TV I danced sang along and helped Dora the Explorer get to her Grandmother's house
brother's best friend spent the night and was changing with the door partially open
boyfriend confessed that he felt so insecure he submerged my $80 vibrator in water to eliminate the competition
was at work laminating a large photo
very good platonic friend of mine said he had a question to ask me
was cashiering at Target when an old woman came into my checkout line
boyfriend was in the shower and I decided to go join him
tried to suck my own penis
had to re-take an hour long MRI scan because I got an erection midway through
boyfriend of six months said he wanted to take our relationship one step further
two year old daughter did not want to leave the toy store when I picked her up she started screaming at the top of her lungs YOU'RE NOT MY DADDY!
my first day at school
bought a parakeet for my kids
was petsitting for my neighbor's new puppy
was eating at a restaurant patio with a few friends
was on the bus home and on the phone with my best friend discussing my sex life with this new guy I'm seeing
mom and I went to the store
was telling my boyfriend I had fake orgasms all the time to piss him off
had my first blow job
had the sudden urge to sneeze as I was wiping my ass
was buying an expensive pillow for my mother from a store clerk who wouldn't stop staring at my boobs
went to see my grandmother
I got to my first class seat on an airplane I saw the person I sit next to wafting the smell of their vagina towards themselves and breathing in deeply
my boyfriend was about to go down on me he held his breath and said I'm going in!
was in an online chatroom speaking to this girl that I really hit it off with
boyfriend asked me out to dinner which we never do
boyfriend humped me to the tune of the Imperial March from Star Wars
was developing film at walmart
a gynecologist's appointment I was privileged to have 7 co-ed nursing students stare at my vagina for 25 minutes as part of their training
went swimming
mom's will was read to the rest of the family
masturbating in the shower I heard my phone go off outside the bathroom
was completely wasted at my bachelor party and my friends thought it would be funny to put sodium nitrate on my penis
teacher confiscated my cell phone for text messaging
gave a campus tour to a group of high school seniors
boyfriend turned 21 and got drunk at a bar
woke up to 70 new text messages and 100 calls all from numbers I didn't know
boyfriend was making salsa and got jalepeno juice all over his mouth
boyfriend and I were getting a bit steamy
was walking on a path through a park by myself
was singing to my cat and she reached up and put her paw over my mouth
told my daughter how her eyes look exactly as pretty as my wife's
mom duly informed me I'm the reason people have middle fingers
hamster gave birth
was pulled over for speeding
boyfriend ditched me saying he had some important things to do
asked my boyfriend if I could call him love muffin
brother came out to our family as being gay
man I don't know came up to me and started screaming about how all you damn Mexicans were stealing American's jobs and he stormed off
girlfriend was giving me a hand job which was great until she started saying milk the penis
saw myself in a 'girls gone wild' ad with another girl
found out that I'm going to be a mother
was in the car with my cousin and we saw a family of three
400 pound roommate brought home a 400 pound guy
was in line at a checkout
had a dentist appointment
found out that by brother was selling pictures of me showering
I showered I sneezed hit my face on the wall got shampoo in my eyes slipped on a bar of soap bashed my head on the wall as I fell grabbed at the walls to stop me from falling and happened to turn off the cold water scorching me
boyfriend was going down on me
thought I would make my first trip to the beach
was volunteering at a zoo event for special needs kids
made a patient really happy
did some math
husband found the box my morning after pill came in
friend told the cute waiter it was my birthday
went to the doctor's office because my wife and I were having some fertilization problems
was so excited to play the video game I just bought I decided to read the manual in the game
friend of mine was talking about how he'd spent over 30 hours on Call of Duty
drove 600 miles to be with my boyfriend of two years for his uncle's funeral
got an electric razor and a lesson from my dad on how to shave my mustache and chin
in my room sleeping my little brother deemed it necessary to come in and drop a book on my face
walked into my house to find everyone sitting around the table and looking sad
was talking and joking with my boyfriend
cop almost rear-ended my car slammed on the gas with no warning swerved around me flipped me the bird then cut me off and then drove a full ten miles under the speed limit
was cleaning out my fiance's room while he was away so we could move into our new home
came home from work and went to open the door
needed new business cards so I went to design and print some
rescue squad unit responded to a 911 call from a woman who felt she was going to pass out
husband ran at me groaning like a zombie
was in a store with my dad
had some family over
my boyfriend and I were messing around in his room he took off my underwear
good friend who just had a baby girl sent her newborn's pictures to me via picture message
friend said he'd give me 20 bucks if I would ask out the ugliest girl in school
overheard my mother and sister talking so I stopped to eavesdrop
learned that when blender jars aren't locked they fly off the blender into the air hit you in the head and explode all over your kitchen
was teasing my little brother
was having sex with my boyfriend
took my cat to the vet
walked into my dorm to find my roommate hanging a voodoo doll of me on a noose
went to the store to buy some condoms for my girlfriend Kim and I
sister came out to the family as being a lesbian and wanted to invite her girlfriend over for us to meet her
was so drunk that my friends put me to bed during a party
tried to be sexy and put a condom on with my mouth
got a paper cut while opening my box of Band-Aids
math class we were learning about gravity
ran into an old student of mine at the grocery store
was eating ice cream and I noticed some on my jeans so I wiped it off with my finger and licked it
was mowing the lawn of my brand new house located in a very nice neighborhood (I am a hispanic male) and a lady in her nice white cadillac drove up and asked me in extremely broken spanish if I could mow her lawn too
told my mom that I was taking antidepressants because I hate myself
class I asked my teacher for a rubber
was walking out of a Starbucks and saw someone walking out behind me thinking it would be the nice thing to do I held the door open
saw the following message on my Facebook News Feed: Morning Sex: [My mom] and [My dad] are fans
was asking my one year old nephew what noises certain animals make
best friend was texting me about her sick dog
math class I had the urge to fart
working as a hotel guard I found a homeless man lying in the grass
at a family gathering for New Years my aunt said she needed a flat surface to write on
decided it would be pretty amusing to press the Like button on everyone's status on Facebook without reading them just to get on peoples' nerves
was my girlfriends birthday
went to write Happy Bday I Love You on my girlfriend's car windows to surprise her when she woke up
asked my girlfriend when she would give me a blowjob
cleaning up I dropped a box of thumbtacks spilling them all over the floor
went to a bookstore and asked the sales womanWhere's the self-help section? She said if she told me it would defeat the purpose
was on a first date with a girl at the movies
was in an elevator with my dad and several strangers
English teacher told me that I failed my grammar test
I was washing the dishes I felt what I thought was a mosquito on my leg
come home to find my nephew holding pieces of my new $3500 Sony Video Camera
was having sex with my boyfriend
was my final meeting with my psychologist who was helping me with my bipolar disorder
had one of the worst panic attacks in years
director of the play I'm in decided to explain why we got the parts we did
boyfriend asked how I could go to the bathroom and leave my tampon in at the same time
drove my two kids to their friends' houses
went skinny-dipping with my best friend
was on a roller coaster and this 13 year old sitting next to me was completely terrified
was at a party where I ate bowl of disgusting snacks because I didn't want to drink on an empty stomach
girlfriend was giving me a hand job
was in a public restroom with my 4 year old daughter
was out with my friend
working as a makeup artist in the mall I was approached by a man who wanted to try lipstick (not unusual we do a lot of drag)
went out for coffee with a guy I really like
woke to find my boyfriend of 2 years gone
boyfriend asked me to 'spice things up in the bedroom'
boyfriend of 3 months and I were in the middle of a heavy make-out session when his cell rang
alarm went off
friend thought it would be funny to put a pretzel on my forehead while I was sleeping on the beach
little brother learned that breaking a glow stick and emptying it into someone's eyes does not help them see in the dark
my 16th birthday
was going to a Harry Potter convention since I love the books so much
was in a store using the only bathroom there
was at a school rally I was talking to my friends when I noticed the entire gym had gotten quiet
found out my girlfriend had sex with three different guys in one day
best friend lost her virginity in the backseat of a car
realized the nicest thing my fiance has said to me all month was that I have very suckable titties
went to watch the Movie UP
was walking out of my front door in the town where I intern where I live totally alone and know no one
was holding a lit cigarette in one hand and a lollipop in the other
was downtown with my boyfriend around Noon when we walked past a few guys who shouted out to me You're the most beautiful girl we've seen all day
girlfriend named my penis little baby carrot
I walked into my class someone shouted at me Wild Snorlax Appeared! Use Your Ultra Balls! since I am overweight and everyone in class laughed at me
was driving my family home when my 7 year old son had to pee
mother was over visiting
last task for the day as a high school janitor was to power-wash the concrete area where the graduation ceremony will take place
was sat on by an obese woman
attractive guy told me he wanted to get to know me and see me again
walked past a church with a bunch of people standing outside waiting for the bride and groom to walk out
found a note on my door that said You're the sexiest person I've ever stalked
had sex with my girlfriend
was the first time my boyfriend had seen me naked
went shopping with my parents
overheard my boyfriend of two years tell his friend he was going to pop the question
went to a party dressed as a Pinata
was writing an email to our entire company regarding a fundraiser we are taking part in for children and adults with disabilities
went to a fast-food joint and ordered off of the $1
girlfriend and I were getting it on and listening to loud music when she suddenly looked worried and asked if I heard something
guy that I like took me on to the Cavaliers game
was cleaning my father's study room and wondering why I did not receive my acceptance/rejection letter from a college I really wanted
finally got the courage to tell my parents that I'm gay
dad thought it'd be funny to put an Edward Cullen cutout behind my car as I backed it out the garage to see my reaction
boyfriend and I were about to take our first shower together
was getting it on with my boyfriend
had sex with a new guy
discovered an enormous hairy spider sitting in the bathtub
was my little girl's birthday and her grandparents came over to celebrate
got dumped because I was on my period
was sitting beside this cute guy on a bench
was having birthday dinner with my girlfriend and her parents when her Dad asked what I got her she replied He said he was going to give me a Pearl Necklace when we get home
work I went to the parking lot to my car to go home
was in IKEA furniture shopping with my dad
on a run I thought I'd run into a flock of geese in a field
had one more gift to buy: a copy of 'Fight Club'
lied when my therapist asked why I preferred Tuesday morning appointments
got home and threw my phone onto my bed as usual
got stoned at a party for the first time
working on a medical school application I asked my mom what she thought my greatest challenge in life had been
was eating lunch naked at my home watching porn on the big screen
was looking at my recommendations on Amazon which included several vibrators
I woke up to shit on my floor and my cat hiding under my comforter
came home from work when I heard people in my apartment
was at a Chinese restaurant I'd forgotten my glasses and had a migraine
husband and I were getting it on when we heard a little giggle
had a massive argument with my boyfriend in which he called me stupid repeatedly
wanted revenge on the rabbit who ate my garden's plants
friend compared my hair color to hers
was responsible for taking care of Hoppers the rabbit belonging to my sons 3rd grade class
was working out out at the gym doing squats
mom woke me up and asked if I wanted breakfast
was at a bar
got a call from my daughter's pre-school
girlfriend told me she lost her phone and not to call or text her
taking a shower I saw shadows moving across the curtains
was having passionate sex with my girlfiend of nine months
a heated debate with my friend on whether blondes are naturally stupid I convinced her that I'm actually quite intelligent and poured myself a glass of juice in victory
was pulled over by my father who is a police officer
was peeing in a urinal at a bar
went to the library to pick up Romeo and Juliet for my English class
went to buy a cake for my daughter's birthday
received a GPS for my birthday
teaching swim lessons a boy was holding a noodle and claimed it was his fishing rod
found out that the girl I've been in love with for a long while got back together with her ex boyfriend because he had confessed his true feelings to her through a note in her locker
allowed my five-year old daughter to paint my fingernails during a living-room picnic we were having
friends and I were celebrating Spring Break by going out to a club
friend and I decided to get bikini waxes
mom is going with me for a general check-up at the doctor's office
felt like spicing up our marriage so I thought I'd surprise my husband when he got home from work
little girl came up to me and asked Are you a boy or a girl? I said I'm a girl of course! She walked away looking dazed and saying Whoa
went out to a nice restaurant for my friend's birthday
was hanging out with my boyfriend when we started messing around
was eating cereal and decided to warm it up to see what it tasted like
was playing Xbox live with my boyfriend
found out that doctors can be wrong
awoke to my husband donning a gorilla mask in the middle of the night
first graders released the butterflies we've been raising
grandma gave me the 'abstinence' speech
got a spray tan for the first time
school handed out the new yearbook
made out with my friend for the first time
boyfriend went to the aquarium
daughter used the kids potty chair on her own for the first time
was my birthday
was having a horrible day
decided to lay out topless in my fenced-in backyard
boyfriend and I were play wrestling
lost my phone
was an animal rummaging around in my trashcan so I kicked the trashcan to see what it was
went on a drive with my girlfriend when we went past a 'Dead End' sign
woke up to find that my dog was missing
went bowling
girlfriend of 3 years broke up with me because the love advice that she gets on her cellphone every week says that I'm cheating on her
found out that my parents are first cousins
really hot guy smacked my ass
was showing my Mom how to use the Internet on her phone
girlfriend told me she was pregnant
saw a grasshopper in the urinal so I decided to pee on it
took my four year old son to the playground
a very crowded public restroom at a sporting arena after looking to the man using the urinal to his right my 6 year old son turns to address me on his left and exclaims Daddy that man's wiener is a lot bigger than yours! The whole bathroom heard and looked immediately at me
my girlfriend and I were getting it on she suddenly stopped and yelled STOP!
went on a movie date with a guy
babysat my neighbour's spoilt bratty twins
dad planted and discovered a pack of cigarettes in my backpack to distract my mom from his gambling problem
snuck out of my house in the middle of the night
mom was helping me clean out stuff from college
was home alone while my mom went out to dinner
learned to check inside the oven before you preheat it
grandma went to get my twin sister and I a birthday gift
went to a movie with my boyfriend
lost a bet with my girlfriend
babysitting a six year old boy he asked me if I could show him my boobies
was about to lose my virginity
went to McDonald's for lunch and ordered a salad
went outside to scrape the inch and a half of ice off my car so I could get to work
decided to change my boyfriend's background on his phone
was forced to go to the mall with my dad
was giving a lecture to my class I heard a phone go off
once I managed to get my boyfriend's mind off the hockey game
got bored on the toilet and decided to paint my nails
working the register a well dressed man around 6'3 came in and placed an order
mom had a talk with me while my dad was out
man came up to me at the bus stop
I walked outside to see my friend frantically waving and running at me yelling something I couldn't understand
I had a horribly realistic dream where I was being robbed and had to swallow my wedding ring to save it
boyfriend and I went to a Taylor Swift concert
was watching Harry Potter
had a check-up with my dermatologist
pulled someone over for speeding
was outside eating a sandwich when I noticed a homeless man was standing in front of me
had to go to the bathroom
girl I'm secretly in love with whom I was talking to on MSN told me she'd brb in 10 no wait 20 oh make that 30 min depending on her boyfriend's stamina
walked in on my boyfriend humping my stuffed rabbit
was eating with my boyfriend and his family at a high-end restaurant when suddenly I screamed thinking a dog had just bitten my leg
teacher called me into his office so he that he could pass me some information for my project
was sitting in the living room with my parents when my dad asked my mom if she knew where he could find some double a batteries
girlfriend told me to Google how to last longer in bed
finally had sex with a girl I've been dating for over a month
came back from a hike to see my trailer rocking as well as some strange but obvious noises coming from it
left the iron and ironing board in my room
dropped my 400 dollar cell phone on the floor by mistake and it shattered into a million pieces
husband left his cell phone at home
my sixteenth birthday
has been a year and a half since my boyfriend discovered online poker
mom walked in on me masturbating
thought I was home alone so I went to take a shower and left my door open
crush came to my house to watch movies with me
found out I won a 20 000 dollar scholarship
sneezed in the shower
fitting room of the store I worked in smelled really bad
found out that because of my high blood pressure I can't have sex for one month
came home and found out that my new roommate who smokes half a pack of cigarettes a day and drinks heavily 5 nights a week had smashed my $300 bong because weed is a horrible and deadly drug that will kill you slowly
met a guy at a bar and we went back to my room
was watching a movie with my boyfriend and his parents
had my girlfriend over and we we're watching a movie in my basement
heard the sound of footsteps in the basement
received a restraining order from a girl I have never met
customer at the store I work at asked me what kind of cake I would suggest for her husband's 50th birthday
sitting on the bus a stranger sat next to me farted put his hand under his butt to smell what it was like and then sniffed it throughout the whole ride while glancing at me
went to meet the girl I'd been talking to online for a while and fallen in love with
town had a carnival to raise money for cancer
eating with my kids at McDonalds my son put his hand up and wanted me to give him a high five
went to my new job at a pre-school
brought my lunch to work in the only box I had lying around my apartment - a small one from FedEx
found my son's iPod touch and was looking at a light-saber app
decided to start working out because my friends said I'm scrawny and weak
got bitch-slapped by a walrus at Sea Life Park
Easter my brother & sister both got $200 gifts from my parents
got my long hair cut in a short pixie cut
was my 18th birthday
tried to prove to my dad that he snores by secretly putting a tape recorder under his bed
farted while I was in line at the bank
and my mother were driving through Del Taco
was in lying in bed with my boyfriend while he was asleep
woke up to two text messages from my mother
fiance admitted to me that the only reason he's attracted to me and asked me to marry him is because I look and act like his favorite anime character
was ringing an old man up in the local grocery store when I had realized all he was buying was 3 bottles of vodka and a box of condoms
mom and I were watching this movie in which some girls start making out
was talking to my only grandson about how I was going to the dentist to get my teeth fixed and how it was going to cost a lot of money he replied saying Who cares you're going to die soon anyways
boyfriend and I decided to have sex
freaked out when I couldn't get my bathroom door open
boyfriend came up with this thrillingly romantic proposal: “I’m paying way too much income tax
crush and I were hooking up and as he slipped his hands up my shirt in order to feel me up he started rubbing around my whole torso
was getting ready to get in the shower
had just gotten over the flu and thought I was better
was at work and I had to take a dump
mother told me that the carbon-monoxide alarm went off last night but since she didn't smell any gas she decided to just remove the batteries and go back to bed
had my cigs tucked into my waistband because my shorts didn't have pockets
was buying condoms for my girlfriend and myself
was going to propose to my girlfriend of 4 years
was giving my boyfriend a blowjob (I don't normally do it because I have a fear of getting squirt in the eye)
saw a spider in my bathtub so instead of killing it i decided to bring my dog inside the bathroom to kill the spider for me
boyfriend and his parents met my family
got written up at work for making a customer feel bad
was putting on my new pair of jeans when my girlfriend walked in
was walking to my friends Halloween themed birthday party in my zombie costume
was teaching swimming
bought a box of Fruit Loops
was getting mugged
found out why my boyfriend gets so upset when I make jokes about him and his best guy friend being lovers
went out to eat with my girlfriend
customer was rude to me and I was rude back
went to see my gynecologist
made a bowl of spaghetti for me and my girlfriend
being diagnosed with cat allergies I explained to my cat-loving boyfriend that the doctor strongly recommended not allowing the cat in the bedroom
got an invitation to my ex-boyfriend's wedding
the first time I had sex with a guy I really like
was hooking up with a guy I just met
in the hospital because I sliced my leg open
got mugged by someone wearing a bear suit
made the mistake of sneezing in front of a hyper religious customer who for ten minutes blamed the incident of shifting weather patterns that signaled the return of Jesus who was as she explained upset about the abortion rates in America and President Obama
felt like adding my real middle name to my facebook name to make it look more professional
went to the waterpark and my kids were fighting so I grounded them both
older brother and some of his cute friends came over
was feeling up my girlfriends chest
went out for a smoke break
discovered that my son has an allergy to cats
PRESSED CAPS LOCK ON MY LAPTOP AND THE KEY GOT STUCK
got kicked in the face at a soccer game
had an ultrasound in fear of testicular cancer
went to Knott's Berry Farm with my girlfriend
walked into the kitchen and saw a note my roomate posted
was in the car hooking up with my boyfriend
I was being very generous I lent my jacket to my new co-worker
was at the mall with some friends
was driving in my car when out of the corner of my eye I notice a car pulling up next to me trying to get past me
school I was trying to pee in the stall but I couldn't
my sister's and dad's birthday
at a party Journey's Don't Stop Believin' started playing
caught some perverts sitting in a car in front of my house spying on my neighbors
was on the phone with my best friend who lives out of town
was babysitting
woke up happier than I've ever been because last night I hooked up with the girl I have loved for almost a year and I thought I would never get with her
was snuggling with my neighbors four week old kitten while babysitting their kids
a fight with my sister I took a shower
was at the mall and someone peeked their head under the door of my dressing room while I was half dressed
realized the person I had been habitually stealing bag lunches from at work made me a canned dog food sandwich
went on a rollercoaster for the first time
found out that the only way to get my boyfriend to last more than one minute in the sack is to let him watch cartoons while we do it
bought a brand new flat screen TV
woke up with my girl laying next to me in bed
friends and I decided to compare dick sizes one by one
at work at a maternity and baby clothes store I was supposed to send out an email about our Beat the Clock sale
met my father for the first time since I was a baby
spent 3 hours washing my hands to get the pony out of the soap bar
called the number a guy had given me at a bar last night
was helping my friend with her little sister's birthday party
took my mom out to a fancy restaurant and spent close to $300 on her Mother's Day present
took my iPod to Walmart to replace the battery
was sitting on a park bench with my very elderly grandfather while listening to music at a low volume
mom revealed to me that when I was in Preschool I used to get caught in the bathroom with little boys while I was feeling their no no area
was wearing a shirt that had a picture of a squirrel and acorns with a caption reading Protect Your Nuts
got my lip pierced
sent a text message to my girlfriend telling her how much I wanted to make love to her tonight
was walking on the track when this really cute guy shows up
decided to give my virginity to my boyfriend of four months because I told him I loved him
parents were taking a tour of my apartment when my bird started making noises
work a little boy shyly told his mom he thought I was cute
moving house changing my number my email and beginning legal action to get away from a girl who was stalking me I decided to go to the movies to relax
picked up my friend's new kitten so enthusiastically I scared it and it shat all over me
was at the dentist's getting my teeth cleaned
saw the blueprints for my family's new house
felt left out that all my friends are getting married or have great relationships and my boyfriend won't commit
of the 4 stalls were occupied in the rest room
logged onto facebook and saw that one of my friends had just listed herself as in a relationship
sitting on the couch my boyfriend came over pulled his penis out of his fly and started stabbing me in the face with it while humming the Jaws theme
a party I brought a girl to the flat I share with my 2 best friends
mom decided to tell me about her new boyfriend
friend and i thought it would be funny if we could both fit into her big sweatpants
wife and I decided to try a relationship book
was having a really bad day and told my friend at lunch about how stressed I was and he gave me his brownie to cheer me up
husband of ten years was playing the Sims
took my 4-year-old daughter to the local pool for swim lessons
woke up from a nap on my new bed to see my phone lit up with new texts
brought some cupcakes to my class for my birthday like all the cool kids do
had a date with this guy
discovered my boyfriend of 5 months runs a website where men can submit nude or semi nude pictures of their ex's for revenge
mother told me she needed a urine sample to send in to the doctors to test for any allergies
went to my girlfriend's sorority formal we were both drunk
crush was talking to me on Facebook
was eating with a friend while walking on the sidewalk
parents were helping me construct my bed
went out with this girl I really liked and she came back to my place
was eating a hamburger on the street when a pigeon came down to take a bite
at work as a security guard
lost my virginity
after sex my girlfriend apologized to the neighbor for the screaming
to be cute I told my soon-to-be husband he was the ying to my yang
boyfriend and I were having sex
was at the gynocologist and he was performing a routine check-up
forgot my inhaler
was wearing a skirt and running towards a closing elevator making it just in time
decided to cheat on my math test by writing a couple equations on my hand
was straightening my hair when I heard this crunching sizzling sound
was skating with my friends and I decided to go to the gas station to get a pack of cigs
boyfriend and I were starting to get in the mood
told my boyfriend how happy I was with him
at football practice my teammates and I were on water break
was sitting next to the guy I like and he was doing homework
was walking down the sidewalk and heard a little girl ask her dad why I had blue hair
were having a family get together at my house
ran over a cat while driving home
was at the Wild Animal Park
went on a blind date with a guy who talked about himself in the 3rd person
took my two-year-old daughter swimming
cuddling with my boyfriend in the dark he grabbed onto a fat roll and asked Is this your stomach or boob? I didn't have the heart to tell him it was a back roll
went to BlockBuster to rent a few comedies
finally got my cast taken off my leg after a long month of crutches
girlfriend missed our date so I text her angry telling her if she can't make our dates then we should break up and generally telling her off
shopping for some bananas at my local grocery store an old woman came up to me and started rubbing my stomach
of my friends pointed out I'm starting to get a mustache! - You're finally a man! To bad it's my 15th birthday and I'm a girl
realized how much I hate my apartment
flew into LAX
girlfriend and I were outside tanning in the sun
nose was itchy
mom was really mad at me and I was driving her to the grocery store
was in the supermarket and I see this little boy trying to reach for something on the top shelf
realized that the shorts I have been wearing all day say Juicy on the ass
was shaving my balls with a blade razor because my electric trimmer had died and I had a big date with the girl of my dreams
tried talking to my boyfriend about our sex life
went to the store to get Valentine's Day gifts to decorate my boyfriend's and my new apartment
sent the girl I like a Twinkie with a note saying Enjoy! You deserve it
was texting my crush
discovered that my fiance had tried to fake his own death because he thought it would be easier than confessing to the affair he was having
went for a jog
was walking by a bunch of pretty girls
asked my mom to check my tonsils cause they were swollen
went to my school to take my yearbook picture
found out that my girlfriend feeds her boogers to our dog
my boyfriend's 19th birthday I decided to dress up as a sexy cat girl for him complete with ears tail matching sexy underwear collar and leash
having sex on the couch with my single neighbor a beam in the couch broke
two year old daughter was playing in the kitchen
favorite teacher walked into our history class and everyone started whistling I decided to join in by screaming 'sexy'
was eating at a restaurant with my boyfriend he is 6'2 and i am 4'11
riding in the car with my friends we stopped at a red light
finally found out that someone had stolen my debit card and maxed it out
was sent to the hospital for being knocked out with a potato
guy asked for my number
my boyfriend was seated in my section at work
literally stopped traffic
the kid I was babysitting was in the bathroom he called to me I need some help in here
went to Walmart with my mom
was my boyfriends birthday and I saw he was logged in on ooVoo
driving home I was so lonely I turned on my GPS even though I knew the way so it would feel like I had someone to talk to
was riding my bike on the side of the road because there was no sidewalk
learned that I have carpal tunnel syndrome
man proposed to my girlfriend
boyfriend and I were choosing animals that reminded us of eachother
having sex with my boyfriend I went into his shower to freshen up
had to log in to my computer on a projector in front of business associates at my dad's architecture firm
walking to class enjoying the warmer weather a bee flew down my shirt
girlfriend's friend told her she had seen me shopping with a cute girl
had sex with this guy who I like very much
was on my way home from a friends house
was getting ready for bed when I decided to watch some porno on the computer
boyfriend and I were trying to have intercourse for the first time
talking with my girlfriend about dating I learned that she has had more girlfriends than I have
appears that my girlfriend visited an internet web page called How to confess to having an affair
house got robbed while I was upstairs taking a dump
planned to drop a water balloon on my visiting prankster brother from my new apartment's balcony
was my birthday
grandmother gave me a huge speech on being abstinent until marriage
took the bus home
training to be a nurse in a hospital
had to take a leak so I went into a porta-john
called Tech Support because the computer program wouldn't let me open files for my online classes
professor who was born without arms asked somebody need a hand? There are over 300 students in that class and I was the only one laughing
was supposed to catch a 4:40 flight to New York
a night of drinking I woke up with some chips in my bed
me and my boyfriend were having sex he moaned out his own name
accidentally walked in on my roommate while she was changing clothes
was trying to go to sleep when I heard my sister come home from the bar
wanted to try my mom's new lipstick
went biking
I worked the drive-through at Wendy's the hottest girl from my math class pulled up to the window
drove past a firehouse that had volunteer firemen taking collections
texted the man I'm dating told him I was having a terrible day and asked him to say something to cheer me up
browsing YouTube I looked at the section Recommended for You
an April fools day joke I decided to tell my mom and dad that I was gay
the restaurant I work at I gave a man back his change and told him to enjoy the sunny day
was having sex with this girl I met in stats class when my roommate walked in
received a text from my girlfriend to break up with me
was reading my students' Halloween stories I made them write for my creative writing class in high school
was at the lake watching a romantic sunset with my boyfriend
toddler peed in his potty for the first time
was looking at my friend's dad's Facebook pictures because he recently posted a status update
went to the doctor for a checkup
was wrapping Christmas presents for my family
dad woke me up at 6 told me to take a shower and drove me to school only to say just kidding happy snowday!
was cutting a bagel only to slice the back of my hand with the knife
I got down on one knee and was in the middle of saying Will you marry me? she answered a text message
was a parents bike race on the track at my high school for a fundraiser
dressed up went over to my boyfriend and told him he could do anything he wanted
got a call from my 8 year old son's teacher
am currently grounded for three weeks have no car cell phone or television privileges and am not allowed to spend more than 10 minutes on the computer a day
and my boyfriend were fooling around on my bed when things started to get heated
five year old daughter told me that while I'm at work daddy has his wrestling buddy Melinda over
had an argument with my wife
was rushed to the hospital to deliver my child
girlfriend thought she was stronger than me so we arm wrestled
brother asked if he could borrow my razor since he recently hit puberty and wanted to have a shave
realized that before I can legally drink I will have been married divorced and pregnant
bought a coral colored hooded sweatshirt which my girlfriend told me was hot
was reading through a local wedding mag's advice page
pissed my younger brother off
kept finding ants crawling all over my face
lunch I ordered a coke
was using a public bathroom when a woman backs in pulls down her pants and sits on my lap
was rubbing my dog's belly
had a substitute teacher for my dance class
teenage son called me at work and started screaming abuse at me
months of trying to potty train my son he finally told me he used the potty
I woke up my husband was already up
danced with a girl until the bar closed
was at church and saw a blind teenager who obviously felt lost
took my girlfriend's virginity
went out to dinner with my brother
was in Walmart
girlfriend decided to bribe me to be good since we were going out to dinner with her parents by giving me blowjob
my long-anticipated 21st birthday! Today also happens to be the first day of my period
my birthday and I received a signed vintage Beatles' album from my wife
15-year-old daughter asked for a ride to her boyfriend's house
boyfriend gave me a poem saying Roses are red violets are blue rubbish is dumped and so are you
propositioned my boyfriend of two years to have sex with me in the shower to spice up our love life
took me a full ten minutes to finish on the toilet
friend and I were filming football practice and talking about what guys on the team were attractive and who we would want to get it on with
was taking a bath and needed shampoo
girlfriend and I walked to her couch while kissing with our eyes closed
parents decided to visit me
was walking on a busy street
asked my girlfriend why she can't treat me like the way I treat her
I was running a cute guy was coming towards me
was arguing with my dad
girlfriend thought it would be sexy to stick her finger up my ass during sex
woke up next to a beautiful half naked brunette in my bed
realized how fat I really am
walking through the park a little boy came running up to me and hit me in the nuts with a stick
picked up my 17 years old daughter after a late night movie in down town and got pulled over by a cop
dad woke me up by shaking me and saying If you're not up in two minutes I'm lighting a firecracker in your room
5 year old daughter thought it would be funny to wake me up by tickleing my toes
dad told me he has been dating my boyfriend's mom while I was away at college
playing soccer I was kicked so hard in the shin that my tibia snapped
my birthday
shower is being renovated so I decided to wash my hair in the kitchen sink
discovered that the hearing in my left ear is still good
practicing a song for my girlfriend on guitar all day I called her over to my house to show it to her
realized that my ex-girlfriend has gone further with a girl than I have
went to a dress up party
telemarketer found me so weird that he hung up on me
waiting for class I let out a huge fart in front of everyone thinking no one would hear it over the music
signed up for an online dating site
learned my 40 year old father is marrying a girl barely a year and a half older than me
guy from my school came into my work
was babysitting a 7 year old girl and we were eating chocolate covered nuts
got dressed in what I thought was a really adorable outfit
I was watching Miley Cyrus' new music video I had an itch near my bikini line that I couldn't reach through my jeans
realized that the drunk-me deletes my texts so the sober-me doesn't get mad
was vacuuming our house because I wanted to help my parents
found out that my best friend kisses me while I sleep
boyfriend broke up with me using Lady GaGa lyrics
insanely jealous wife flipped out and made me promise never to hug any of my female friends or go to lunch with them ever
was in a nightclub with my girlfriend when a beautiful woman looked at me in the most provocative way
girlfriend was about to give me a blowjob
I was bagging groceries at Dominicks I looked down to see a 6 year old urinating on my shoes and the floor next to me
went on a first date with a guy I don't know very well
girlfriend of 2 years told me she was pregnant
ran into my parents bedroom after I heard my name and what sounded like painful screams
friend awoke me because I was talking in my sleep
Wal Mart I saw a guy taping a sign that read Hide & seek world champs! over the lost children board
was at the store with my mother in the facial care section
went to the store with my 4 1/2 year old daughter
physics teacher accidentally lit me on fire
woke up after a dream where I got it good from no other than Schwarzenegger
woman got out of a car to scream at me as I was walking with the kids I babysit demanding to know where I was taking her children
girlfriend and I were having sex
was kneeling down at work to do some cleaning
was taking a serious shit when the light bulb burned out
grandpa a married high school teacher got arrested for having an inappropriate relationship with a female student
had a 10 hour drive to Las Vegas with only 2 CDs Taylor Swift and Jason Mraz and my girlfriend who thinks she's a good singer
boyfriend told me in a very natural way that my mother is better at sex than me
checked my bank account that i've been saving money in since I was a kid for college
was with a group of friends at a bar and we were all talking about whether we were moaners screamers or quiet during sex
boyfriend and I were on the phone
found out that the girl I broke up with 6 months ago just had a baby
put my old kitchen table at the end of my driveway with a free sign on it
found my boyfriend making out with my mom
was walking around in the mall when I dropped my purse
boyfriend dumped me because he said the relationship was too tough for him
was going to propose to my girlfriend of 3 years
repaired a boiler for a wealthy guy in a big house
fiancé and I were having wonderful sex with the bedroom door open
car heater finally died
was rejected by a girl when she told me she is not ready to date
boyfriend wanted to show me a magic trick
was in a very crowded train coming home from work
drunkenly buried my girlfriend's recently deceased cat
nine year old son went around telling everyone that me and my husband had a foursome last month
girlfriend came up to me and told me we would never do anything sexual in our relationship
had a school assembly at 7:00pm about drinking and driving
took a cute girl out to an arcade date and mercilessly dominated her in every game there to the point she refused to talk to me afterwards
boyfriend decided to perform a strip tease for me
receiving a lovely massage from my boyfriend I was lying topless in bed beside him
was standing in a queue when an old lady turned looked straight at me and asked me to hold her bag
car broke down
was having sex with my girlfriend of nine months when she gets a phone call and decides to answer it
finished the run for a play in which I played a gay man
had a pretty big erection while getting checked out at the airport
was in my room and I drew a Harry Potter lightning bolt on my forehead in eyeliner because it cheers me up
found out that I'm failing this semester because I've missed too many classes
had to go to my 10 year old son's school to talk about my job being a chef
my boyfriend and I were having sex he suddenly stopped and walked to the kitchen
reached into my fridge to grab a strawberry soda
went to the doctor for a sports physical
was at the mall in a store looking at movie posters
was following my girlfriend up the stairs I was pretty sure I was going to get lucky
spent two hours making a cake that I'd promised my class for weeks
a physics teacher I was testing a class to see how high a sound frequency they could hear
came home to find my 25 year old boyfriend laughing hysterically at his laptop while he made Microsoft Sam say feces penis and diarrhea
was tutoring kids at an elementary school
finally got a chance to try out my vibrator
called the florist and ordered a flower arrangement for my grandma who I was told was sick
son decided to come out of the closet by wearing a shirt that said Mom I'm gay to the family reunion
decided to visit my girlfriend who lives 20 hours away
was baby-sitting four rather noisy and rowdy kids
was working at a grocery store when a couple of my co-workers called a code pink in aisle 22 which means there was an attractive woman in that aisle
kitten was playing with the drawstring on my pajama pants
of my girlfriends and I went to a bar
picked up my 4-year-old daughter from day care
typed an essay on my friend's computer so she forwarded it to me in a email and she made the subject here bitch as a joke
graduated from college and my parents gave me an apple
my grandmother's funeral and we had to sing
saw a video of me from over the weekend naked pretending to be a duck
was walking down my very steep basement stairs when I fell and rolled all the way down but luckily I didn't hurt anything
mother keyed my car because I wouldn't invite her into my home and get her a cup of tea so she could continue screaming that she was going to kill me while I tried to feed my 4 month old daughter
got married
discovered my parents took me to a specialist when I was a baby because they thought I had a facial deformity
realized that my company's calendar is synchronized throughout the whole building
gave my wife a cat
bought my girlfriend two tickets to a Broadway show that was coming through town she really wanted to see
girlfriend and I were getting it on when her cat attacked me
girlfriend and I were lying in her bed
discovered that the demonic voice that made me nearly piss myself all night was my sister's Furby she stuck in the closet
copying some stuff for school I felt someone rubbing her boobs against my back
saw that Pixar had put out a teaser trailer for Toy Story 3
met a really attractive guy outside of a club
picked up my daughter from the day care but before we left the babysitter needed to have a talk with me
was having the most wonderful bath
went to a bar with some buddies and after trying to pick up a few girls one of my friends got a number
girlfriend sent me a naked picture of herself and I wish she hadn't
was sitting in traffic for about an hour
found out I will not be getting my class ring
was answering a text from one of my students asking me if they could re-take a test
man on the train asked me if i had any change
was on a bike ride when a bug flew into my eye
was going down on my girlfriend when I noticed a hickey near her hip
was riding in the car with my boyfriend
decided to cook dinner for my wife and kid
work we were gathered to be told some bad news
went out on my first date in 2 months
dad got a new phone and put me on speed dial
ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend bumped into me at McDonald's
walked to school in -5 degree weather snow up to ankles for an exam
5 year old sister informed me she had left me a present in my bed
mom cleaned up my room
finally exchanged pictures with the woman I've been seeing online for some time now
I was watching a DVD I noticed a spider crawling on my crotch area
boyfriend asked me to marry him by handing me a ring and telling me Okay we're engaged now
learned that if you stare at your cat and her eyes suddenly get really big it means she's going to maul your face
mum got drunk at a party and flashed me and my friends
walking past a homeless man I heard him comment on the woman in front of me saying I should come to this side of town more often there's some hotties here
was down at Disney World
was working at the library
parents had a huge fight because my mom found out my dad was cheating on her
confessing my love for my best friend he looked at me and said I'm not feeling it
managed to not think too much about how alone I feel living in a strange city and I went out to find a quiet place to write and eat
arrived home to find I'd been broken in to
called my Dad to wish him happy birthday
pulled up next to my boyfriend at a stoplight
my flight to Vegas I was wishing that a really cute guy would come sit in the seat next to mine
charged me 21 cents for a honey mustard packet
husband and I were talking about names for our expectant child
found out that just because your boyfriend asks you to marry him doesn't mean that he will show up at the wedding
was running late and rushing to a waiting bus
found out that it is never ever a good idea to put a band-aid of any kind on your penis because eventually you will have to take it off
realized that a Ph
asked a very cute fireman for his number just in case I needed him to come to my rescue
I won 20 dollars on a lotto scratch off
parents hosted a party at our house
girlfriend was going down on me
started a fight at a lesbian bar and lost
was at the beach with my buddy
I was getting my mail I received a free coupon from a baby supply store saying congratulations on your expectancy
paid $60 for a haircut from a professional stylist only to walk out looking like Spock from Star Trek
came home from a year long backpacking trip in Europe
wife was complaining she always has to put up the Christmas tree
was giving my boyfriend a blow job he was twitching and moving around and saying oh yeah then he said take that bitch
lost my cell phone
had a meeting with my super-hot TA
husband and I were having sex in the shower while our 5-year old was sleeping
cut my finger open with a spoon
hired a private investigator to find out if my wife of 15 years is cheating on me with my brother
learned explosive diarrhea is real
went to the pharmacy to purchase a brace for my sprained wrist
Arby's there were two cute guys behind me in line
drove to the hospital to see my newborn
woke up next to my best friend after lots of drinking and the best sex I've ever had in my life
of my 500 Facebook friends responded to my status about who wants to hang out during summer holidays? I created an imaginary person on a different account to respond and ask me to hang out with him
found out that I was held back in preschool because of some developmental issues
told my friend how I liked this girl but was too scared to ask her out
6 year old daughter asked me if the tooth fairy was real
commented on how realistic my fat suit was
was laying with my girlfriend on the couch
left-handed boss needed PC help
was playing paintball when I noticed a 9 year old fat kid sitting and crying on the ground
realised that my glade plug-in air freshner lasts longer than any of my relationships have
friend and i decided to call my boyfriend of three months on three way pretending that i wasn't on the phone
texted the hottest girl in the school saying I really like you we should date
friend and I went to Gamestop to pick up a game he wanted
peed at a urinal
caught my dad eating the dog treats I'd bought for my dog
was going down on my girlfriend
a never-ending dinner with really boring friends I faked being tired and told my husband “Let’s go honey we have a long way to drive home
girlfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex
went outside a friend's house to find that my car had been saran wrapped
was having sex with a girl I really like for the first time
wanted to surprise my boyfriend by dressing up in sexy lingerie
babysat the most annoying and obnoxious kids for almost eight hours when the parents assured me that they would only be gone about three or so hours
threw a party while my parents were gone
woke up to my 8 month old son happy as can be
grandma told me to f*** off when I tried to help her with the dishes
participated in a charity auction at my university where the boys are sold to the highest bidder to be a slave for a day
surprised my four year old daughter with a stuffed dinosaur
was sitting in Science class and to my surprise I felt my pants suddenly becoming warm and wet
parents told me they were going out for dinner tonight
realized how much I'm on the computer
was babysitting a new child
toilet at my apartment still hasn't been fixed
I went to the grocery store where my husband works
was messing around in my boyfriend's pants while watching TV
couldn't get into my car
wife created a Points Reward system for the privilege of sex
was ringing up a lady and her daughter at the shoe store I work at
mom asked if she could use my red dress for her two-week trip to the Caribbean
car was impounded because I never registered it in California after moving here
I got into an elevator I spotted a little old lady hobbling desperately to get on
drove three and a half hours to surprise my long distance boyfriend for our anniversary
had to explain to my boyfriend that the reason I don't want to stay overnight at his house is because I still occasionally wet the bed
admitted to my girlfriend that I'd kissed another girl five days before we got together
cute co-worker asked if he could use my computer
figured out why my name is Ashley
boyfriend told me he loved me for the very first time in three years
was walking around the park with my wife
woke up hungover and thirsty I found a glass of water next to the sink filled it up with more water chugged it and went back to bed
was preparing a dinner for some business associates in hopes of closing the deal on a promotion
was helping my friend create an online dating profile
attractive boss sat me down in the break room to say how much she appreciated how much work I've been doing despite being a temp
some friends back from a party I said Did everyone see Lisa totally hanging off of Pat tonight?! It was hilarious!!
parents who are out of town but driving back tomorrow called to see how I was doing
was riding the bus home from the Verizon store after getting my brand new EnV Touch
was pulled over by a police officer for speeding
had my boss and his family over for dinner
was at work at Panera
lazily answered the door in my pajamas
had to come back home early from my holidays
was locked out my car because I accidentally left the car keys in the car
went to get a pedicure for the first time
woke up to my kids shaking me saying Get up Santa was here! I got up to find my TV computer and MacBook Air all gone
met up with an old high school friend who I used to make fun of because he put so much effort into his studies
at my job at a Christian summer camp I overheard one of the kids swearing
was surfing
woke up from a nap to hear my roommate having some intimate time with his hand
was driving in the left lane and was suddenly hit by a woman who was in the right lane
received a diamond ring in Mafia Wars (a facebook app) from my boyfriend of 3 years
was at a store and came across a Halloween candy isle
was sitting on the bus next to a hot guy who was texting
woke up to my five year old son picking off the scabs from his chicken pox and dropping them into my open mouth as I slept
having sexual intercourse with my boyfriend we went downstairs to find his parents had come home early and had heard everything
boyfriend thought it would be romantic to pick me up throw me over his shoulder and take me to the bedroom
my wife got her second kidney stone in a month
showed my colleagues how I could switch on my webcam at home from the office
14-year-old little sister asked me how I felt when I had my first sexual intercourse
showed up at my boyfriend's work to surprise him by speaking in Spanish his first language
had a stressful day at work and decided to go in the jacuzzi
was a TA watching the class take a test
mum grounded me for going to my boyfriend's house instead of the library
girlfriend of a year broke up with me because I didn't fight some guy that started hitting her right in front of me
woke up with a hangover a shaved head and my period
kissed the girl I love for the first time
parents said that they bought me a car
was on a cruise and fell asleep next to the pool
was swimming in the ocean not too far off shore
mother offered me $1
went to my girlfriend's Catholic all girls high school to ask her to prom by decorating her car
was texting the girl I am in love with
was on a blind date with a girl my friend set me up with
girlfriend and I were playfully arguing about who loved the other more
saw my girlfriend going into my best friend's dorm room and suspected her to cheat on me so I placed a camera in his room to spy on them
the bank I went to get some coffee from their machine
husband called me from work just to chat
woke up to find my cat dead hanging from the ceiling fan
women came into my work and one was wearing a shirt with a rainbow that said We are everywhere
returned to my apartment to find everything reduced to ashes hidden in black clouds of smoke
was at a mall
jokingly told my Mom that I was having sex with my Professor
was on a small plane
brought a cute guy back from the bar to have sex
9 months in our relationship my boyfriend and I lost our virginity to each other
came home to my wife crying
decided to watch some porn before bed
friends decided it would be funny to scare me by tilting the portable street toilets while I was taking a dump in one of them
mom talked about how it's interesting how there's so many different size of penises
walked in on my parents doing it
was playing with my cat and holding her upside down
wife told me that she wanted a divorce
friend was complaining about how fat she was
my graduation party
planned a romantic dinner with rose petals the whole lot for my ex-girlfriend to win her back
had a job interview
on the road I saw a turtle in the middle of the other lane
was home by myself
came home a few days early from a 3-month business trip
was watching tv on the couch
am in a very long line at the supermarket gazing about in complete boredom when I spot a lady cradling what appears to be a cute newborn baby
boyfriend told me that we would be living out one of his fantasies
was about to propose
got my science test back
texted my dad and told him I was getting married in five months
daughter was expelled from her school for beating another kindergartener with a Dr
my job as a cashier a man and his 3-year old son got in line
told my ex boyfriend I lost 20 lbs because of the stress of the break up
drunk boyfriend thought it would be a good idea to light a firework in the back seat of my car while we were driving down the interstate
was helping a couple come up with a name for the baby they just had
lost track of time while rocking out butt-naked to Kelly Clarkson and Michelle Branch after taking a shower
laying out I kept feeling something misty like a spray bottle
was with my grandma waiting in a line
tried having intercourse with my boyfriend and about 30 seconds in I heard flipping
cat came up to me on the pavement so I petted it a little
doctor told me that I have Vasovagal Syncope: I pass out every time I get aroused
made a batch of special brownies for a party I was going to tonight
was baking cookies
dreamed that I met this beautiful girl at a restaurant and we ended up having lunch together
was talking to this guy that I like a lot and I think he likes me back
was with my 14 year old son when we saw a baby sparrow being attacked by four or five blackbirds
was working Customer Service at Wal Mart
got fired from the job I'd had for eleven years for going onto Facebook while on the clock
boyfriend called and told me he had cheated on me with a minor
boyfriend and I had great sex and afterward decided to take a shower together
friends and I were drinking boba
went to dinner with my boyfriend
was shopping for my little sister's birthday
my music recital
was talking to my hot neighbor
was doing a strip tease for my husband
came out to my dad
was talking to the girl I've liked for 2 years
woke up after drunkenly hooking up with a girl who was really into Twilight
got a call about my dog who went missing a week ago
finally worked up the courage to tell my mom that I'm gay
saw my first boobs ever at 18 volunteering at a retirement home
real estate guy came with potential buyers to visit my house
found for the first time in class and literally laughed out loud in the middle of the lecture in front of 200 classmates
was babysitting this one year old
went on a date with this girl I met online
mom had a baby shower
got into an argument with a 7 year old
snuck into my brother's room to scare him
was at the doctor and I had to get a finger stick in the lab to get blood drawn
was at Disneyland with some of my friends
had to return a shirt to Target
found out that my dad has been having an affair
was told by my mom that I'm a terrible person because I won't help my brother get a girlfriend
saw my boyfriend for the last time for two years
boyfriend called me to break up with me
mom had one too many and announced to all of my friends that if she had the opportunity she would bang Gwen Stefani
grandfather was counting all the grandchildren he had and saying how fortunate he was to have all of us
was complaining to my sister about how jealous I was of her looks
came out to my mom
best friend thought it would be funny push me off my bike
little girl standing next to me on the train suddenly hugged me
met my paternal grandfather for the first time
boyfriend called me and I told him about the AnimeCon I'm attending and that I wanted to go as Sailor Mars he told me he had no idea what that was
was getting it on with my cute guy friend in his candlelit bedroom and we had just started tearing each other's clothes off
mom walked in on me and my 2 year crush about to have sex
was trying to convince my boyfriend that I am NOT a dumb blonde
was going on a dinner date with a girl I had just met
girlfriend and I decided to change things up by having sex on her trampoline in her backyard
was walking out of class when I saw a girl enthusiastically run to her boyfriend jump on him and smother him with kisses
up in the shower room I walked into the kitchen to get a drink
was performing in an orchestra concert
decided to call my wife while she was having a private lunch with my parents
boyfriend thought it would be sexy to throw me against the wall and kiss me like they do in the movies
9 year old niece asked me if I was a virgin
lied to the treadmill about my weight
an attempt to get my son to stop playing Call of Duty I threw his Xbox controller out the window
sneezed so hard I herniated my back
went to go get a haircut and I asked how much it was for a haircut shampoo and a blow job
was running down the hallway when a door opens and hits me right on the face
was at a bar and very drunk
was patting my kitten who was asleep underneath the blanket on my lap
was at a pond taking pictures with my new camera
friends and I spent hours on the Disney website playing in Pixie Hollow
family was talking about how people's hair goes gray when they get old
14 year old daughter told me she's pregnant
ran into a bird
was caught going on Facebook at work
wife thinks I will agree to anything she says if she just pleasures me orally
was passing a building and saw a fat ugly person inside
was walking around town with the girl I have loved for four years and have been 100% faithfull to
wife found out my son masturbated and wanted to send him to counseling
looked on my sister's phone
and my co-workers were playing with the Helium tank we got today
went out to dinner to a family restaurant and I was wearing a skirt since it's so warm out
was at my friends house celebrating his 16th birthday
my birthday
missed my flight
soccer practice I was looking for my dad
daringly tried that fish-bath thing where all these fish come and eat all of your skin's dead cells
was babysitting a 4 year-old with a speech impediment
wife of three years asked me to meet her for lunch at Subway
was outside searching for treasures with my son using small plastic shovels
realized my new kitten is the spawn of the devil
windows on my car were frozen
got on a bus that was so overcrowded I had to stand next to the driver with nothing to hang on to
man pulled me violently into an alleyway and informed me I was being mugged
car in front of me was going slow and I flashed my lights and honked
walked past a building site near my house there was a sign saying WARNING - Beware of the scaffolding
were no more seats on the bus I was taking home which meant I had to stand
asked my mother if we could test me for OCD since so many people have suggested to me that I might have it
was sitting in math class when I glanced over to the other side of the room and the hottest girl in the school is over there
got pulled over heading home from college
was awakened from a peaceful sleep by my crazy ex-girlfriend who apparently copied my key before our break up three months ago
noticed a guy in a slow-moving car yelling Where you going with my flowers bitch? at a woman walking on the sidewalk carrying a bouquet
work I was looking for my lost wallet
spread my uncle's ashes at my grandparent's house
girlfriend of ten months sent me a picture message of her making out with a guy
telemarketer called for my dad
family and I were in New Orleans
a family Seder (a Jewish service for Passover) my mom served matzah balls during the festive meal
friend and I were seeing a movie
wondering why I've never met my father I asked my mom if I was the product of a one night stand
went to pick up my daughter from preschool
was riding my bike without the seat cover on
was talking to my boyfriend on the phone
was taking an exam and I knew I was unprepared so I wrote some cheat notes on my ankle
boyfriend introduced me to his family
received two cards in the mail for my late husband for his birthday
was easter and I thought it might be fun to look for eggs with my little brother
neighbor knocked on my door and left a note that said Please stop singing in the shower
opened my lunch in front of my friends at university
bought my cat a nice big bag of expensive anti-hairball catfood so she'd stop puking hairballs on my things
an effort to seduce my husband I laid in bed caressing myself
girlfriend was sick so I took her 5 year old daughter out to eat
went to Ralph's to get bread and a snack
have been stuck in the bathroom
was on my first date with my crush
girlfriend dumped me for someone else
woke up with really dry chapped lips
thought it would be funny if I put a 'Free if Hot-Wired' sign on my friend's car
was working at Old Navy
brother and I found a little bird that couldn't fly
signed up for an online dating service a couple of days after my divorce
was getting my first tattoo done
mum came home from a business trip
met my husband's other wife
was going to my first job interview since I was laid off
wife has been singing I can't get no satisfaction by the Rolling Stones all morning
girl I have had a crush on for the last 4 months asked me on AIM how to block someone
used a porta-potty
boyfriend sent me a text saying to call him
found out I have a restraining order against me from my ex boyfriend
surprise my girlfriend by turning up at her flat on her twenty-fourth birthday
was at a local chinese restaurant with two of my friends
speakers on my laptop weren't working
saw Avatar in iMax 3D
dad was completely engrossed in a football game on TV so trying to be cute and funny my mom flashed him
went to school in my brand new shirt
taping 5-year-olds do a skit at an improv camp I used the camera's view-finder to zoom in on a female co-worker's chest
decided to confess my feelings to the girl I've had a crush on since the beginning of high school
told my 8 year old daughter that she looks a lot like mommy
english teacher asked me why I didn't have my project completed
boyfriend questioned why I always put my shirts in the dryer right before wearing them
received a detention because I threw up on the school nurse who wasn't going to send me home
boyfriend suggested we imagine each other as someone else when we had sex
spent hours voluntarily decorating my town for Christmas
boss forgot her meeting with an official from the military base and called to ask me to handle it
went to a new bar downtown with some friends
tried to take off my girlfriend's bra
was at Target trying on swimsuits
had woken up very excited to celebrate my 21st birthday
class I was chatting with my teacher a really cool and stylish old black guy
hooked up with the guy I've been seeing
was in the bathroom having major diarrhea when the lights went out
was with my girlfriend thinking we were alone in the house
was at this awesome party and I was dancing with this really attractive girl who started making out with me all of a sudden
was at work and a very obese woman came in to get a pedicure
boyfriend broke up with me over the phone
got two viruses on my laptop
went over to my boyfriends house with a few people
tried to keep a drunk girl from driving by holding her keys she had a spare set in her purse
was woken up to my mom playing the piano awfully
gave my boyfriend a spontaneous blowjob while we were watching TV
saw my ex-girlfriend across the street
soccer practice I was walking to the car with my dad
boyfriend told me he was going out tonight to celebrate his ex-but-still-friends-girlfriend's birthday at a local club and hopes I wasn't offended that I wasn't invited
in the shower my roomates thought it would be really funny if they threw my cat in with me
was applying some Icy Hot to my sore thighs when I accidentally got a little on my dime sacks
house was broken into
was at a party and we were all playing Seven Minutes in Heaven
came home a day after my birthday and was greeted by my mother who told me oh I have birthday present for you
was running the register at my work and this big lady pulls her wad of cash out of her bra and hands it to me
was going to work and got in the elevator
was on a plane with my grandma
cat managed to lock my dad and me outside of our house
I was having sex with my girlfriend I was struck with a white-hot pain and in the confusion thought her vagina had contracted hard
found out my girlfriend only gets aroused after watching Jersey Shore and will only have sex immediately after an episode
won $5000 dollars from a lottery ticket and tried giving the man next to me a high five
came home and found a few of my faux fur coats completely butchered
was at IKEA with my parents
had some pretty bad stomach pain so I went to the bathroom
called my boyfriend and when he answered I said the dirtiest thing I could think of to him on the phone
was watching Pokémon with my daughter when she told me that I reminded her of her favorite Pokémon
reached a new low and embarrased my entire family
finally removed my car insurance after realizing it costs too much money
picked up my four year old son from daycare
boyfriend of almost two years proposed to me
had to leave my one-night stand in my flat because I was giving a guest lecture at the local university
found out my wife is pregnant
came home to find my younger daughter left her silly band collection on the carpet in front of the fireplace
told my boyfriend I was pregnant
fell asleep
woke up next to my girlfriend
boyfriend gave me a card for my birthday and told me to open it 10 minutes after he leaves
emailed my boyfriend from work
came home to find that my room had been ransacked
decided to play a joke on my boyfriend and planned to pretend that I found a thong in his gym bag
spotted one of my close friends using the ATM outside our school's university center
working at a pizza shop near a college campus I got an order to deliver to the dorms
cat got into the bathroom while I was changing my tampon
was at my new apartment
was curious as to whether or not my mom was off of her medication
boyfriend told me he likes having sex during my period because it makes him feel like he stabbed a small animal to death
boyfriend decided to name his penis Jesus
twin sister sent a nude picture to her boyfriend who then forwarded it on to everyone else
was babysitting some kids and helping them make a poster about insects
drunk dialed my mom and told her I was so high and drunk that I thought the KGB was coming after me
was walking up to girlfriends house when her terrifying Marine Corps dad threw a football at me
got hypnotized in front of my entire school
mom made me clean
was fired from my volunteer job
kids in my math class told me to ask this girl if I could lick her clit
phone rang while I was home alone
cat woke me up by sharpening his claws on my breast
a guy at my work asked if I could fix his computer in his Cubical
boyfriend found out I have OCD
a joke I hid under my parents' bed hoping to scare them when they came home
was having lunch with my sister and my mother
was sitting at the park with a friend when a small child approached us
alarm went off at 6
got a email from my boss
not seeing my boyfriend for 9 months he came to meet me at the airport
was at the grocery with my 4 year old daughter
was getting changed in front of my room mate of two years
found out that the plant in my kitchen that I have been watering for almost 2 years is fake
boyfriend of 6 months asked me to spend the night at his apartment for the first time
I was walking home from work it started to rain
found out that when I masturbate at night while watching internet porn I cast a huge shadow on the curtain and the entire street is able to see it
lifeguard class I played a victim while my peers strapped me to the backboard in the water
my senior prom
ten year old son realized something
had a 3rd date with a great guy
boyfriend was reading me a love poem he wrote for me
took my friend to buy a pregancy test
were running late for school so my mum shouted at me to hurry up and get in the car
was shopping at COSTCO for a romantic evening with my girlfriend I bought some flowers dinner and a super pack of condoms At the register behind me I heard somebody say Good thing my daughter has a responsible boyfriend
wore my cool new shirt with an oriental character on it to class
work I was accidentally knocked down a long flight of stairs
boyfriend and I were having a make-out session in the backseat of his car when we heard a voice coming from his pants
was at work when I got bored and started spinning around in my chair for a little fun
learnt that the girl I love thinks I’m gay
I was talking my three year old daughter home from daycare she asked where her daddy was
girlfriend gave me a blow-up doll and told me to practice
babysat for two little girls who wanted to play 'mermaids'
girlfriend dropped me off for a class and I accidentally closed my exceptionally baggy pants in the passenger door
was showing my new iPhone case to my friends saying how it was scratchproof shockproof and waterproof
found out my angry ex girlfriend put Nair in my shampoo before moving out of my dorm
was at the mall with my girlfriend's family
had organised to go for an all day fishing trip but had forgotten to book a day off
family bet me $20 to wear a Disney Princess hat for the entire day around a theme park
boss fired me because he said I was spending too much time surfing the internet
wife started checking her email on her Blackberry while we were having sex
mom taught my boyfriend of 2 weeks how to put on a condom
husband came home from shopping with my 4 year old daughter and showed me a shirt she picked out herself
went to Walmart with my girlfriend
buying some groceries I walked back to my car
a game of manhunt my brother and his friends thought it would be funny to tie me to a telelphone pole with my very own multicolored jumprope from when I was younger
saw a dime on the ground
asked my boyfriend why he dates me
girlfriend broke up with me
was at a party when I got covered in the liquid from a glow stick
got my renewed driver's license
a bar a woman approched me and tried to set me up with her friend
was walking down the street and spotted a man who was about 6 and a half feet tall passing by me
told my boyfriend that I didn't feel like he loved me
had to bail my dad out of jail for beating up my boyfriend for sleeping with my mom
at a local bar
girlfriend and I went down to the pier
was at the waterpark
aunt came into the world
was working the lighting for a drama production
received a text message from my favorite sister saying Great news! The technology in condoms has improved so much that they ensure that accidents like you won't ever happen again! Today's my birthday
received a phonecall from my son's school
mother urged me to get over this lesbian thing and give me some grandkids
went to kiss my girlfriend on the neck while she was cooking on the stove
dads cremated remains came in the mail
was babysitting for my mum's friend
the subway a little tipsy I sat down next to a guy I thought was cute hoping to enjoy some harmless flirting
woke up to the face of Billy the puppet from Saw staring down at me
a late night at a bar I stepped into my building's elevator with a Chinese man who was carrying a plastic bag
girlfriend broke up with me
was in the basement at my grandma's house
checked my voicemail
spent 300 dollars making colored flyers for my iPhone that I lost
have to choose between one eyebrow or none because I'm a heavy sleeper and my brother is a moron
husband and I got a new stainless steel microwave
was at the mall with my friend when I saw my boyfriend in Victoria's Secret - with another girl
was uploading photos to my Facebook when I suddenly realised that I accidentally uploaded a naked photo of myself
broke up with my boyfriend
doctor examined my wrist which is completely swollen and painful
girlfriend and I decided to have fun at school
was texting this guy i've liked for a really long time because of how nice and sentimental he is
discovered my boyfriend prays before and after sex because he thinks he'll keep his abstinence by doing so
was being a little playful with my boyfriend when we began wrestling
little 7 year old brother asked me what horny meant whilst in the car with my parents
found out I was named after the woman my dad was having an affair on my mom with
worked up the courage to comment on my crush's picture
finally beat the song Through the Fire and Flames on Guitar Hero 3
developed the disposable camera pictures from my family's trip to Disney World
wife and I decided it would be funny to pull a prank on her family who we were going to see for dinner
got my first period
was home alone
boss screamed at me for almost an hour because apparently I hurt my coworker's feelings when I stopped speaking to her after finding out that she was sleeping with my boyfriend
was feeling really sick when I was with my boyfriend at the park
I signed into Amazon their top recommendation for me based on past purchases was The Brave Little Toaster on DVD
girlfriend finally got a Facebook account
watching Insidious my boyfriend thought it would be funny to scare me while I was on the toilet
my delight I discover that there is security camera in the storage room at my work
need to go to the toilet
was on the bus when an elderly woman stepped in.
facebooked my friends about my upcoming birthday party and told them to keep the date free.
mom went to a psychic.
sat on an elevator for 10 minutes thinking I was stuck.
was having amazing sex with this guy I had been seeing for a while.
wife got the flu.
was walking through a heavy door at work so I reached behind me to catch it so it wouldn't slam shut.
fell asleep in my last period class.
was pulled over for speeding.
an argument with my daughter she screamed everyone hates you! and stormed off.
girlfriend broke up with me by sending me a text.
getting out of the shower I was in a good mood.
bending over to get the brownies I was making out of the oven my husband slapped my butt.
was having sex with my girlfriend and accidentally called her Brad (one of my roomates name) when I came.
parents yelled at me for coming home at 1am this morning from a friend's birthday party.
sparred for Tae Kwon Do.
boyfriend and I had sex for the first time.
and my girlfriend were heading back to her place.
found out my mom is the nude model for an art class at my college.
totalled my car.
told my best friend I was breaking up with my girlfriend of 3 years.
realized that the only boy who ever called me pretty was my 5-year-old brother.
woke up to an early Christmas present on my car.
was talking to this girl who I thought was really nice we were having an amazing conversation and as we stared deeply in one another's eyes she asked me Has anyone ever seen you take a shit?.
a great night of sexual pleasure I ran to answer the door.
teacher appreciation day at my school.
had been planning a family trip for months.
stumbled upon my boyfriend's Facebook.
came home from work and found my house egged and bricks thrown through my windows.
mom explained to me that looking up gay porn on the internet is bad.
texted my girlfriend and told her I was mowing my lawn.
wore my kilt to the university I attend.
got a new CD player for my car and an alarm installed for added security.
took my 8 year old nephew to Laser Tag for his birthday party.
was a new and extremely attractive girl at youth group so I decided to introduce myself.
boss sent me to a meeting with a client I've never met to do some damage control and renegotiate his contract.
was told I sound like a seal barking when I orgasm.
saw a girl on the subway that I knew so I started waving frantically.
was in the elevator with my female coworker and a very attractive teen in front of us.
my parents and I were out my older brother thought it would be funny to play porn on my computer.
was cashiering at a grocery store when an elderly woman came through my line buying prune juice. ]
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