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# Description:
# Display a ferengi rule of acquisition upon certain keywords.
#
# Dependencies:
# None
#
# Configuration:
# None
#
# Commands:
# ferengi rule - Display a random ferengi rule of acquisition.
#
# Author:
# jan0sch
rules = [
"Ferengi Rule of Acquisition #1:\n
Once you have their money, you never give it back.\n
-- ST:DS9, \"The Nagus\", \"Heart of Stone\"",
"Ferengi Rule of Acquisition #3:\n
Never pay more for an acquisition than you have to.\n
-- ST:DS9, \"The Maquis, Part II\"",
"Ferengi Rule of Acquisition #6:\n
Never allow family to stand in the way of opportunity.\n
-- ST:DS9, \"The Nagus\"",
"Ferengi Rule of Acquisition #7:\n
Keep your ears open.\n
-- ST:DS9, \"In the Hands of the Prophets\"",
"Ferengi Rule of Acquisition #8:\n
Small print leads to large risk.\n
-- ST: Legends of the Ferengi",
"Ferengi Rule of Acquisition #9:\n
Opportunity plus instinct equals profit.\n
-- ST:DS9, The Storyteller",
"Ferengi Rule of Acquisition #10:\n
Greed is eternal.\n
-- ST:DS9, Prophet Motive",
"Ferengi Rule of Acquisition #13:\n
Anything worth doing is worth doing for money.\n
-- ST: Legends of the Ferengi",
"Ferengi Rule of Acquisition #16:\n
A deal is a deal... until a better one comes along.\n
-- ST:DS9, \"Melora\"",
"Ferengi Rule of Acquisition #17:\n
A contract is a contract is a contract... but only between Ferengi.\n
-- ST:DS9, \"Body Parts\"",
"Ferengi Rule of Acquisition #18:\n
A Ferengi without profit is no Ferengi at all.\n
-- ST:DS9, \"Heart of Stone\"",
"Ferengi Rule of Acquisition #19:\n
Satisfaction is not guaranteed.\n
-- ST: Legends of the Ferengi",
"Ferengi Rule of Acquisition #21:\n
Never place friendship above profit.\n
-- ST:DS9, \"Rule of Acquisition\"",
"Ferengi Rule of Acquisition #22:\n
A wise man can hear profit in the wind.\n
-- ST:DS9, \"Rule of Acquisition\"",
"Ferengi Rule of Acquisition #27:\n
There is nothing more dangerous than an honest businessman\n
-- ST: Legends of the Ferengi",
"Ferengi Rule of Acquisition #28:\n
Whisper your way to success.\n
-- ST:DS9, \"Treachery, Faith, and the Great River\"",
"Ferengi Rule of Acquisition #31:\n
Never make fun of a Ferengi's mother.\n
-- ST:DS9, \"The Siege\"",
"Ferengi Rule of Acquisition #33:\n
It never hurts to suck up to the boss.\n
-- ST:DS9, \"Rule of Acquisition\", \"The Dogs of War\"",
"Ferengi Rule of Acquisition #34:\n
War is good for business.\n
-- ST:DS9, \"Destiny\"",
"Ferengi Rule of Acquisition #35:\n
Peace is good for business.\n
-- ST:DS9, \"The Perfect Mate\"; ST:TNG, \"Destiny\"",
"Ferengi Rule of Acquisition #40:\n
She can touch your lobes, but never your latinum.\n
-- ST: Legends of the Ferengi",
"Ferengi Rule of Acquisition #41:\n
Profit is its own reward.\n
-- ST: Legends of the Ferengi",
"Ferengi Rule of Acquisition #44:\n
Never confuse wisdom with luck.\n
-- ST: Legends of the Ferengi",
"Ferengi Rule of Acquisition #47:\n
Never trust a man wearing a better suit than your own.\n
-- ST:DS9, \"Rivals\"",
"Ferengi Rule of Acquisition #48:\n
The bigger the smile, the sharper the knife.\n
-- ST:DS9, \"Rule of Acquisition\"",
"Ferengi Rule of Acquisition #52:\n
Never ask when you can take.\n
-- ST:DS9, \"Rule of Acquisition\"",
"Ferengi Rule of Acquisition #57:\n
Good customers are as rare as latinum. Treasure them.\n
-- ST:DS9, \"Armageddon Game\"",
"Ferengi Rule of Acquisition #58:\n
There is no substitute for success.\n
-- ST: Legends of the Ferengi",
"Ferengi Rule of Acquisition #59:\n
Free advice is seldom cheap.\n
-- ST:DS9, \"Rule of Acquisition\"",
"Ferengi Rule of Acquisition #60:\n
Keep your lies consistent.\n
-- ST: Legends of the Ferengi",
"Ferengi Rule of Acquisition #62:\n
The riskier the road, the greater the profit.\n
-- ST:DS9, \"Rule of Acquisition\"",
"Ferengi Rule of Acquisition #65:\n
Win or lose, there's always Hupyrian beetle snuff.\n
-- ST: Legends of the Ferengi",
"Ferengi Rule of Acquisition #75:\n
Home is where the heart is, but the stars are made of latinum.\n
-- ST:DS9, \"Civil Defense\"",
"Ferengi Rule of Acquisition #76:\n
Every once in a while, declare peace. It confuses the hell out of your enemies.\n
-- ST:DS9, \"The Homecoming\"",
"Ferengi Rule of Acquisition #79:\n
Beware of the Vulcan greed for knowledge.\n
-- ST: Legends of the Ferengi",
"Ferengi Rule of Acquisition #82:\n
The flimsier the product, the higher the price.\n
-- ST: Legends of the Ferengi",
"Ferengi Rule of Acquisition #85:\n
Never let the competition know what you're thinking.\n
-- ST: Legends of the Ferengi",
"Ferengi Rule of Acquisition #89:\n
Ask not what your profits can do for you, but what you can do for your profits.\n
-- ST: Legends of the Ferengi",
"Ferengi Rule of Acquisition #94:\n
Females and finances don't mix.\n
-- ST:DS9, \"Ferengi Love Songs\"",
"Ferengi Rule of Acquisition #97:\n
Enough ... is never enough.\n
-- ST: Legends of the Ferengi",
"Ferengi Rule of Acquisition #98:\n
Every man has his price.\n
-- ST:DS9, \"In the Pale Moonlight\"",
"Ferengi Rule of Acquisition #99:\n
Trust is the biggest liability of all.\n
-- ST: Legends of the Ferengi",
"Ferengi Rule of Acquisition #102:\n
Nature decays, but latinum lasts forever.\n
-- ST:DS9, \"The Jem'Hadar\"",
"Ferengi Rule of Acquisition #103:\n
Sleep can interfere with your lust for latinum.5
-- ST:DS9, \"Rule of Acquisition\"",
"Ferengi Rule of Acquisition #104:\n
Faith moves mountains ... of inventory.\n
-- ST: Legends of the Ferengi",
"Ferengi Rule of Acquisition #106:\n
There is no honor in poverty.\n
-- ST: Legends of the Ferengi",
"Ferengi Rule of Acquisition #109:\n
Dignity and an empty sack is worth the sack.\n
-- ST:DS9, \"Rivals\"",
"Ferengi Rule of Acquisition #111:\n
Treat people in your debt like family... exploit them.\n
-- ST:DS9, \"Past Tense, Part I\", \"The Darkness and the Light\"",
"Ferengi Rule of Acquisition #112:\n
Never have sex with the boss's sister.\n
-- ST:DS9, \"Playing God\"",
"Ferengi Rule of Acquisition #113:\n
Always have sex with the boss.\n
-- ST: Legends of the Ferengi",
"Ferengi Rule of Acquisition #121:\n
Everything is for sale, even friendship.\n
-- ST: Legends of the Ferengi",
"Ferengi Rule of Acquisition #123:\n
Even a blind man can recognize the glow of latinum.\n
-- ST: Legends of the Ferengi",
"Ferengi Rule of Acquisition #125:\n
You can't make a deal if you're dead.\n
-- ST:DS9, \"The Siege of AR-558\"",
"Ferengi Rule of Acquisition #139:\n
Wives serve, brothers inherit.\n
-- ST:DS9, \"Necessary Evil\"",
"Ferengi Rule of Acquisition #141:\n
Only fools pay retail.\n
-- ST: Legends of the Ferengi",
"Ferengi Rule of Acquisition #144:\n
There's nothing wrong with charity... as long as it winds up in your pocket.\n
-- ST: Legends of the Ferengi",
"Ferengi Rule of Acquisition #162:\n
Even in the worst of times, someone turns a profit.\n
-- ST: Legends of the Ferengi",
"Ferengi Rule of Acquisition #168:\n
Whisper your way to success.\n
-- ST:DS9, \"Treachery, Faith, and the Great River\"",
"Ferengi Rule of Acquisition #177:\n
Know your enemies... but do business with them always.\n
-- ST: Legends of the Ferengi",
"Ferengi Rule of Acquisition #181:\n
Not even dishonesty can tarnish the shine of profit.\n
-- ST: Legends of the Ferengi",
"Ferengi Rule of Acquisition #189:\n
Let others keep their reputation. You keep their latinum.\n
-- ST: Legends of the Ferengi",
"Ferengi Rule of Acquisition #190:\n
Hear all, trust nothing.\n
-- ST:DS9, \"Call to Arms\"",
"Ferengi Rule of Acquisition #192:\n
Never cheat a Klingon ... unless you can get away with it.\n
-- ST: Legends of the Ferengi",
"Ferengi Rule of Acquisition #194:\n
It's always good to know about new customers before they walk in your door.\n
-- ST:DS9, \"Whispers\"",
"Ferengi Rule of Acquisition #202:\n
The justification for profit is profit.\n
-- ST: Legends of the Ferengi",
"Ferengi Rule of Acquisition #203:\n
New customers are like razor-toothed gree worms. They can be succulent, but sometimes they bite back.\n
-- ST:DS9, \"Little Green Men\"",
"Ferengi Rule of Acquisition #208:\n
Sometimes the only thing more dangerous than the question is an answer.\n
-- ST:DS9, \"Ferengi Love Songs\"",
"Ferengi Rule of Acquisition #211:\n
Employees are the rungs on the ladder of success. Don't hesitate to step on them.\n
-- ST:DS9, \"Bar Association\"",
"Ferengi Rule of Acquisition #214:\n
Never begin a negotiation on an empty stomach.\n
-- ST:DS9, \"The Maquis, Part I\"",
"Ferengi Rule of Acquisition #217:\n
You can't free a fish from water.\n
-- ST:DS9, \"Past Tense, Part I\"",
"Ferengi Rule of Acquisition #218:\n
Always know what you're buying.\n
-- ST: Legends of the Ferengi",
"Ferengi Rule of Acquisition #223:\n
Beware the man who doesn't make time for oo-mox.\n
-- ST: Legends of the Ferengi",
"Ferengi Rule of Acquisition #229:\n
Latinum lasts longer than lust.\n
-- ST:DS9, \"Ferengi Love Songs\"",
"Ferengi Rule of Acquisition #236:\n
You can't buy fate.\n
-- ST: Legends of the Ferengi",
"Ferengi Rule of Acquisition #239:\n
Never be afraid to mislabel a product.\n
-- ST:DS9, \"Body Parts\"",
"Ferengi Rule of Acquisition #242:\n
More is good. All is better.\n
-- ST: Legends of the Ferengi",
"Ferengi Rule of Acquisition #255:\n
A wife is a luxury ... a smart accountant a necessity.\n
-- ST: Legends of the Ferengi",
"Ferengi Rule of Acquisition #261:\n
A wealthy man can afford anything except a conscience.\n
-- ST: Legends of the Ferengi",
"Ferengi Rule of Acquisition #266:\n
When in doubt, lie.\n
-- ST: Legends of the Ferengi",
"Ferengi Rule of Acquisition #263:\n
Never let doubt interfere with your lust for latinum.\n
-- ST:DS9, \"Bar Association\"",
"Ferengi Rule of Acquisition #284:\n
Deep down, everyone's a Ferengi.\n
-- ST: Legends of the Ferengi",
"Ferengi Rule of Acquisition #285:\n
No good deed ever goes unpunished.\n
-- ST:DS9, \"The Collaborator\""
]
module.exports = (robot) ->
words = ["ferengi rule", "money", "profit", "sale", "discount", "opportunity"]
regex = new RegExp('(?:^|\\s)(' + words.join('|') + ')(?:\\s|\\.|\\?|!|$)', 'i');
robot.hear regex, (msg) ->
msg.send msg.random rules