THE FAT CITY CHARTER
(NOTE: All previous charters are rendered null and void by THIS OFFICIAL CHARTER, rendered herein by Kedian Ta'Null, Supreme Magistrate and Lord of All He Surveys, titles enclosed.)
The proper name of this village shall now be "FAT CITY". The constabulary and general administration of the village shall adopt new signage and endeavour to call this locale by its proper name at all times.
Those who continue to refer to this village as "Mileth" will be fined up to 50,000 coins and/or imprisoned for not more than ten (10) days in the local jail.
RIGHTS AND RESPONSIBILITIES
All rights are revoked, all responsibilities are null and void.
BECOMING A CITIZEN OF FAT CITY
Write your name on a bit of parchment, fold it up, chant "MY ONLY LORD IS AZATHOTH AND HIS RIGHT HAND CHADUL" twenty times while holding one foot in the air.
On the twenty third day of the following month, you will be notified if you qualify for citizenship. There is a mandatory Citizenship Entry Fee of 3,125 coins which must be paid within thirty (30) days of your acceptance.
If you do not qualify, you will be executed immediately. So, you should probably be sure that you qualify.
HOW TO LEAVE FAT CITY
Fat City provides many exits to its citizens and visitors through a variety of Mundane connections. Using its world class patronage network, you can go to many, many places indeed! We encourage you to use our top of the line Doors, Exits, and even Chutes, if such a need arises. In the event of serious emergencies, even Ladders may be used.
Please note that usage of any EXIT, whether authorized, unauthorized, requested, stamped, unstamped, forced, coerced, or otherwise, is subject to the FAT CITY TRANSPORTATION MANIFESTO (see Section IV, "Exit Tariffs, Fees, and Other Operating Expenses"). At a minimum you may be required to pay a 38.6% tariff as well as drop any pants you happen to be carrying.
AMENDING THIS CHARTER
This charter may not be amended.
FAT CITY OFFICIALS
There are no officials.
God's in his heaven, and all's right with the world.
SIGNED THIS DAY AND SEALED,
ACCEPT NO IMITATIONS
WASH IN COLD WATER
LIGHT PRESSING IF NEEDED