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ixti committed Jan 6, 2013
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  1. +3 −0 .gitignore
  2. +4 −0 Gemfile
  3. +32 −0 Gemfile.lock
  4. +92 −0 README.md
  5. +2 −0 _config.yml
  6. +10 −0 _layouts/default.html
  7. +11 −0 _layouts/post.html
  8. +33 −0 _posts/2012-01-18-it-s-the-final-countdown-the-only.md
  9. +33 −0 _posts/2012-01-19-yeah-well-have-you-seen-the-new-mustang.md
  10. +33 −0 _posts/2012-01-24-no-one-was-making-fun-of-andy-griffith.md
  11. +33 −0 _posts/2012-02-01-and-i-wouldn-t-just-lie-there-if.md
  12. +33 −0 _posts/2012-02-06-tobias-is-queen-mary-ah-it-is-a.md
  13. +33 −0 _posts/2012-02-07-talk-you-off-what-pop-pop-with-spicy.md
  14. +33 −0 _posts/2012-02-18-no-i-was-ashamed-to-be-seen-with.md
  15. +33 −0 _posts/2012-02-20-heyyyyyy-uncle-father-oscar-you-want-your-belt.md
  16. +33 −0 _posts/2012-02-27-turn-this-skiff-around-what-is-she-doing.md
  17. +33 −0 _posts/2012-03-02-i-m-a-monster-big-yellow-joint-big.md
  18. +33 −0 _posts/2012-03-03-i-m-foolish-and-i-m-funny-and.md
  19. +33 −0 _posts/2012-03-09-no-one-s-called-him-baby-buster-since.md
  20. +33 −0 _posts/2012-03-10-did-you-know-that-more-frozen-bananas-are.md
  21. +33 −0 _posts/2012-04-04-are-you-aware-of-this-coming-soon-indeed.md
  22. +33 −0 _posts/2012-04-07-so-ann-the-question-is-do-you-want.md
  23. +33 −0 _posts/2012-04-12-uncle-gob-was-aunt-lindsay-ever-pregnant-yeah.md
  24. +33 −0 _posts/2012-04-27-michael-was-concerned-that-he-was-caught-in.md
  25. +33 −0 _posts/2012-05-08-no-it-s-the-opposite-it-s-like.md
  26. +33 −0 _posts/2012-06-23-well-excuse-me-judge-reinhold-do-you-have.md
  27. +33 −0 _posts/2012-07-03-yes-annyong-your-name-is-annyong-we-all.md
  28. +33 −0 _posts/2012-07-16-it-s-like-hey-you-want-to-go.md
  29. +33 −0 _posts/2012-08-22-you-re-losing-blood-aren-t-you-gob.md
  30. +33 −0 _posts/2012-09-02-it-looks-like-you-ve-been-looking-for.md
  31. +33 −0 _posts/2012-09-11-george-bush-doesn-t-care-about-black-puppets.md
  32. +33 −0 _posts/2012-09-16-a-sea-of-waiters-and-no-one-will.md
  33. +33 −0 _posts/2012-09-24-oh-like-when-they-say-poofter-to-mean.md
  34. +33 −0 _posts/2012-09-24-pound-is-tic-tac-toe-right-aren-t.md
  35. +33 −0 _posts/2012-09-29-i-just-don-t-want-him-to-point.md
  36. +33 −0 _posts/2012-10-04-well-obviously-i-m-not-a-big-guy.md
  37. +33 −0 _posts/2012-10-11-this-is-not-what-it-looks-like-it.md
  38. +33 −0 _posts/2012-10-14-someone-order-140-pounds-of-upper-body-strength.md
  39. +33 −0 _posts/2012-10-24-wine-only-turns-to-alcohol-if-you-let.md
  40. +33 −0 _posts/2012-11-02-hey-maybe-you-could-pop-a-tent-outside.md
  41. +33 −0 _posts/2012-11-20-no-touching-i-know-i-just-call-her.md
  42. +33 −0 _posts/2012-11-22-why-are-you-squeezing-me-with-your-body.md
  43. +33 −0 _posts/2012-11-23-okay-lindsay-are-you-forgetting-that-i-was.md
  44. +33 −0 _posts/2012-11-28-suddenly-playing-with-yourself-is-a-scholarly-pursuit.md
  45. +33 −0 _posts/2012-12-01-a-night-of-heterosexual-intercourse-that-s-the.md
  46. +33 −0 _posts/2012-12-01-so-maybe-you-could-start-jete-ing-and.md
  47. +33 −0 _posts/2012-12-07-i-hate-the-wetlands-they-re-stupid-and.md
  48. +33 −0 _posts/2012-12-15-heart-attack-never-stopped-old-big-bear-i.md
  49. +33 −0 _posts/2012-12-16-what-s-next-michael-are-you-going-to.md
  50. +12 −0 index.html
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_cache/
_site/
*.swp
@@ -0,0 +1,4 @@
source 'https://rubygems.org'
gem 'jekyll'
gem 'redcarpet'
@@ -0,0 +1,32 @@
GEM
remote: https://rubygems.org/
specs:
classifier (1.3.3)
fast-stemmer (>= 1.0.0)
directory_watcher (1.4.1)
fast-stemmer (1.0.1)
jekyll (0.12.0)
classifier (~> 1.3)
directory_watcher (~> 1.1)
kramdown (~> 0.13.4)
liquid (~> 2.3)
maruku (~> 0.5)
pygments.rb (~> 0.3.2)
kramdown (0.13.8)
liquid (2.4.1)
maruku (0.6.1)
syntax (>= 1.0.0)
posix-spawn (0.3.6)
pygments.rb (0.3.7)
posix-spawn (~> 0.3.6)
yajl-ruby (~> 1.1.0)
redcarpet (2.2.2)
syntax (1.0.0)
yajl-ruby (1.1.0)
PLATFORMS
ruby
DEPENDENCIES
jekyll
redcarpet
@@ -0,0 +1,92 @@
Jekyll-Assets Introduction
==========================
This is an example blog for [jekyll-assets](http://ixti.net/jekyll-assets) intro
tutorial. Posts were autogenerated using [Bluth Ipsum](http://bluthipsum.com/)
service and following tiny script:
``` ruby
require 'rubygems'
require 'nokogiri'
require 'curb'
require 'yaml'
class Post
TAGS = %w{ jekyll assets tutorial demo blog }
attr_reader :date
def initialize date
@date = date
end
def text
unless @text
html = Nokogiri::HTML Curl.get("http://bluthipsum.com/").body_str
@text = html.css("#main").text.gsub(/\r/, '')
end
@text
end
def reset!
@text = nil
end
def title
text.split(/\W+/).first(8).join(" ").sub(/\.*$/, '.')
end
def tags
text.split(/\W+/).first(100).concat(TAGS)
.map { |t| t.downcase }
.select { |t| 2 < t.length }
.uniq.shuffle.first(7)
end
def content
YAML.dump({
"layout" => "post",
"tags" => tags,
"title" => title
}) << "---\n\n" << text
end
def slug
"#{date}-#{title}".downcase.gsub(/[^a-z0-9]+/, '-').gsub(/^-|-$/, '')
end
def filename
"#{slug}.md"
end
def self.generate
end
end
monthes = (1..12).to_a
days = (1..29).to_a
titles = []
42.times do
post = Post.new("2012-#{"%02d" % monthes.sample}-#{"%02d" % days.sample}")
# make sure title is unique
post.reset! while titles.include? post.title.downcase
titles << post.title.downcase
puts post.filename
File.open("_posts/#{post.filename}", "w"){ |io| io.puts post.content }
end
```
LICENSE
-------
Sources of this example blog are free to use under terms of WTFPL.
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---
markdown: redcarpet
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<!DOCTYPE html>
<html>
<head>
<title>My Blog</title>
</head>
<body>
<h1>My Blog</h1>
{{ content }}
</body>
</html>
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---
layout: default
---
<article>
<header>
<h2>{{ page.title }}</h2>
</header>
{{ content }}
</article>
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---
layout: post
tags:
- jekyll
- fire
- was
- thing
- bag
- out
- too
title: ! ' It s The Final Countdown The only.'
---
♪♪ It's The Final Countdown ♪♪ The only thing I found in the fridge was a dead dove in a bag. Gob: You didn't eat that, did you? One of the guys told me to take my head out of my BOTTOM and get back to work…my BOTTOM! Hahahaha.
Turn this skiff around! Everything they do is so dramatic and flamboyant. It just makes me want to set myself on fire. - Lucille Bluth. Oh, COME ON! Suddenly he's too much of a big-shot to brush mother's hair. Obviously this blue part here is the land. Can you believe that the only reason the club is going under is because it's in a terrifying neighborhood? No! These are just strippers! Look how hot they are!
Sweet old thing. Only two of those words describe Mom, so I know you're lying to me. If I wanted something your thumb touched, I'd eat the inside of your ear. Taste the happy, Michael. Taste it. It tastes kind of like sad. In the mid '90s, Tobias formed a folk music band with Lindsay and Maebe which he called Dr. Funke's 100 Percent Natural Good Time Family Band Solution. The group was underwritten by the Natural Food Life Company, a division of Chem-Grow, an Allen Crayne acqusition, which was part of the Squimm Group. Their motto was simple: We keep you alive. I'll be in the hospital bar. You know there isn't a hospital bar, Mother. Well, this is why people hate hospitals.
I'm an ideas man, Michael. I think I proved that with "Fuck Mountain." I never thought I'd miss a hand so much! Never once touched my per diem. I'd go to Craft Service, get some raw veggies, bacon, Cup-A-Soup…baby, I got a stew goin'. And THAT'S why you always leave a note.
Nellie is blowing them all AWAY. Mission Accomplished. I know, I just call her Annabelle cause she's shaped like a…she's the belle of the ball! A lady of the evening. Working girl. She turns illusions for money. I want to cry so bad, but I don't think I can spare the moisture. Touché, Pandora.
When a.. man.. needs to prove to a woman that he's actually.. [pause].. When a man loves a woman.. Yes, he's like the steel man from The Wizard From Oz. Also, your knee is on my heart. Everyone's laughing, and riding, and cornholing except Buster. [Stabbing Gob] White power! Gob: I'm white! Stop licking my hand, you horse's ass. Nellie is blowing them all AWAY. So did you see the new Poof? His name's Gary, and we don't need anymore lawsuits.
Bob Loblaw Lobs Law Bomb. Heyyyyyy, Uncle Father Oscar. She calls it a mayonegg. You don't want a hungry dove down your pants. Wow, this is the best free scrapbooking class I've ever taken! ps This one really cracks me up for some reason. We have unlimited juice? This party is going to be off the hook.
Hey, it was one night of wild passion! And yet you didn't notice her body? I like to look in the mirror. I've used one adjective to describe myself. What is it? Why are you squeezing me with your body? It's a hug, Michael. I'm hugging you. She's always got to wedge herself in the middle of us so that she can control everything. Yeah. Mom's awesome.
Quicken! Premiere! It looks like you've been looking for dragons… in the future. Dad asked me to do this on the day he pleads not guilty, as a spectacular protest. A…. ?
Hola, is Rosa still alive? No? Well this is not my day. Stop it, stop it. This objectification of women has to stop. It's just Mom and whores.
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---
layout: post
tags:
- school
- around
- woman
- yeah
- with
- new
- you
title: Yeah well have you seen the new Mustang.
---
Yeah, well, have you seen the new Mustang? You could hump that hood. Well excuse me for liking the way they frame my junk! See for more good stuff. Turns out he ended up getting too friendly with the teddy bear. How could I say no to the woman who gave me chlamydia? I'll buy you a hundred George Michaels that you can teach to drive! No one's called him Baby Buster since high school. If mother sees this, she will blow a cow.
I cheated and I lied and I whored around. A flower in my garden, a mystery in my panties. I don't want no part of yo tight-ass country club, ya freak bitch! If I make this comeback, I'll buy you a hundred George Michaels that you can teach to drive!
Mr. Zuckerkorn, you've been warned about touching. Barry: You said spanking. Sister's my new mother, Mother. And is it just me or is she looking hotter? Well, if you want to play Eve, you got to get in line behind what, above five homos.
She calls it a Mayonegg. When a.. man.. needs to prove to a woman that he's actually.. [pause].. When a man loves a woman.. But I'm the oldest. The matriarch if you will. Mr. Zuckerkorn, you've been warned about touching. Barry: You said spanking. You mean the guy we're meeting with can't even grow his own hair? Come on! ¡Soy loco por los Cornballs!
I never thought I'd miss a hand so much! Chaw-chee, chaw-chee chaw-chee! Coo coo ca cha! Ah coodle doodle do Caw ca caw, caw ca caw. They want to break his legs. It's a good thing he's already got that little scooter. That's my son, you pothead! No, no, it's pronounced a-nal-ra-pist. It wasn't really the pronunciation that bothered me. Gosh Mom… after all these years, God's not going to take a call from you. Friend of mine from college. He also has a boat tho not called the Seaward. Go ahead, touch the Cornballer.
Mr. Zuckerkorn, you've been warned about touching. You said spanking. I could use a leather jacket for when I'm on my hog and have to go into a controlled slide. Happy. Please refrain from discussing or engaging in any sort of interoffice [bleep] or [bleep] or finger[bleep] or [bleep]sting or [bleep] or even [bleep]. Everybody dance… NOW. You need to do more with Rita. Believe me, I'd like to. Wow. We're just blowing through nap time, aren't we? I know, I just call her Annabelle cause she's shaped like a… she's the belle of the ball!
Why are you squeezing me with your body? It's a hug, Michael. I'm hugging you. I made a huge tiny mistake. If this tableau I recreate, perhaps I can re-snare my mate.
So you take your mom to work every day? Bummer. Moms are such a pain in the ass, huh? It's, like, die already! She keeps saying that God is going to show me a sign. The… something of my ways.
Who? i just dont want him to point out my cracker ass in front of ann. I'm sure Egg is a great person. ¡Soy loco por los Cornballs! Mr. Zuckerkorn, you've been warned about touching. You said spanking. A flower in my garden, a mystery in my panties. I don't want no part of yo tight-ass country-club, ya freak bitch! Did Ted make an appointment? No. Well then Ted can GET THE HELL OUT OF THIS OFFICE! YOU GET THE HELL OUT!
So you take your mom to work every day? Bummer. Moms are such a pain in the ass, huh? It's, like, die already! Make love in your *own* hand, Mother! That coat costs more than your house! The CIA should've just Googled for his hideout, evidently. She's a girl, I need to teach her how to be a woman. Within her lies a queen. Let me out that queen. I will pack your sweet pink mouth with so much ice cream you'll be the envy of every Jerry and Jane on the block! Oh, yeah, the guy in the the $4,000 suit is holding the elevator for a guy who doesn't make that in three months. Come on! Yeah, I invited her. You said you wanted to spend time some with her. You said I was being an Ann hog.
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---
layout: post
tags:
- sweet
- and
- well
- demo
- griffith
- michael
- family
title: No one was making fun of Andy Griffith.
---
No one was making fun of Andy Griffith. I can't emphasize that enough. Interfere? I ought to pull down your pants and spank your ass raw. Michael: I'm sorry, have we met? I know, I just call her Annabelle cause she's shaped like a…she's the belle of the ball! A trick is something a whore does for money… or cocaine. Probably out there without a flipper, swimming around in a circle, freaking out his whole family.
Well, I spent so much time making sweet love on my wife that it's hard to hear anything over the clatter of her breasts. What is she doing at a beauty pageant? Is she running the lights or something? Wine only turns to alcohol if you let it sit. Speaking of settling, how's Ann?
YOU'RE the Chiclet! Not me. Caw ca caw, caw ca caw, caw ca caw! I need a fake passport, preferably to France…I like the way they think.
Smack of ham. What is she doing at a beauty pageant? Is she running the lights or something? It's ok. You be with Yam. This is the best free scrapbooking class I've ever taken!
One of the guys told me to take my head out of my BOTTOM and get back to work…my BOTTOM! Hahahaha. Get rid of the Seaward. Lucille: I'll leave when I'm good and ready. She's always got to wedge herself in the middle of us so that she can control everything. Yeah. Mom's awesome. It's Sunday, but screw it — juice box time. Oh Gob, you could charm the black off a telegram boy. Nellie is blowing them all AWAY.
Second-of-ly, I know you're the big marriage expert. Oh I'm sorry, I forgot, your wife is dead. Michael, I'm your older brother. I'll never be proud of you. Absolutely. And we're going to be here every day. I don't care if it takes from now till the end of Shrimpfest. Fried cheese… with club sauce.
Chaw-chee, chaw-chee chaw-chee! Coo coo ca cha! Ah coodle doodle do Caw ca caw, caw ca caw. The only thing more terrifying than the escaped lunatic's hook was his twisted call… Hey campers! I didn't get into this business to please sophomore Tracy Schwartzman, so… onward and upward. On… Why, Tracy?! Why?!!
Even though sooooo many people in this office are begging for it. She keeps saying that God is going to show me a sign. The… something of my ways. Wisdom? It's probably wisdom. Michael, you are not quite the ladies man I had pictured. Hopefully, we will remedy that when we are in the spa spreading body chocolate on each other. It was the first taste of alcohol Buster had since he was nursing. Oh, COME ON! She's always got to wedge herself in the middle of us so that she can control everything. Yeah. Mom's awesome.
♪♪ It ain't easy being white. It ain't easy being brown. ♪♪ Speaking of settling, How's Ann? It was for me. I was going to smoke the marijuana like a cigarette. Are all the guys in here… you know? George Sr.: No, not all of them. Barry: Yeah. It's never the ones you hope. Each year, Oscar attempts the four hundred mile walk from Newport Beach to Berkeley, California. In the twelve years that he's attempted this, he's never made it farther than UC Irvine. That was Tom Cruise, the actor. Lucille: They said he was some kind of scientist.
There are dozens of us! Dozens! I've been in the film business for a while but I just can't seem to get one in the can. Michael, I'm your older brother. I'll never be proud of you. Yes, she happens to be more experienced than a normal girl, but sometimes love should be… terrifying. I need a fake passport, preferably to France…I like the way they think.
@@ -0,0 +1,33 @@
---
layout: post
tags:
- assets
- neuterfest
- milford
- been
- the
- pandora
- never
title: And I wouldn t just lie there if.
---
And I wouldn't just lie there, if that's what you're thinking. That's not what I WAS thinking. Hey, if I can't find a horny immigrant by then, I don't deserve to stay. You're Killing Me, Buster. You can always tell a Milford man. I've always been deeply passionate about nature. Perhaps you remember Neuterfest? M: I'll never forget your wedding.
Well, they got the Asian right… "hotties" might be a stretch. No. I was ashamed to be _seen_ with you. I like being with you. Touché, Pandora. Turn this skiff around! God knows they're squinters. Please refrain from Mayoneggs during this salmonella scare. Each year, Oscar attempts the four hundred mile walk from Newport Beach to Berkeley, California. In the twelve years that he's attempted this, he's never made it farther than UC Irvine.
Although George Michael had only got to second base, he'd gone in head first, like Pete Rose. Dad would stage elaborate situations using a one-armed man to teach us lessons. I cheated and I lied and I whored around. The Army had half a day.
Even it means me taking a chubby… I will suck it up. Even it means me taking a chubby… I will suck it up. The worst that could happen is that I could spill coffee all over this $3,000 suit. COME ON.
Uncle Gob… was Aunt Lindsay ever pregnant? Yeah, sure, dozens of times. Yes, he's like the steel man from The Wizard From Oz. If mother sees this, she will blow a cow.
What's gotten into you? Have you been eating cheese? Fried cheese… with club sauce. Popcorn shrimp… with club sauce. Chicken fingers… with spicy club sauce. There are dozens of us! Dozens! Hey, it was one night of wild passion! Michael: And yet you didn't notice her body? Gob: I like to look in the mirror. If this tableau I recreate, perhaps I can re-snare my mate. The guy runs a prison, he can have any piece of ass he wants.
Heart attack never stopped old big bear. Dad would stage elaborate situations using a one-armed man to teach us lessons. No. I was ashamed to be _seen_ with you. I like being with you. Oh, I don't have any drugs for sale, unless… did you want me to follow you to your car? Turn this skiff around! You can control your bladder when you're dead! I just don't want him to point out my cracker ass in front of Ann. You go buy a tape recorder and record yourself for a whole day. I think you'll be surprised at some of your phrasing.
I think that's one of Mom's little fibs, you know, like I'll sacrifice anything for my children. Yes, Annyong. Your name is Annyong! We all know you're Annyong! I should be in this Poof. I spent so much time making sweet love on my wife that it's hard to hear anything over the clatter of her breasts.
She tried pesto for the first time. Imagine that, 92 years old and she never tried pesto. Oh, yeah. The guy in the $4,000 suit is holding the elevator for a guy who doesn't make that in three months. COME ON! A million [bleep]ing diamonds! That was Tom Cruise, the actor. Lucille: They said he was some kind of scientist. Get rid of the Seaward. Lucille: I'll leave when I'm good and ready.
She's a contestant. It's sorta like an inner beauty pageant. Ah, there it is. I didn't get into this business to please sophomore Tracy Schwartzman, so… onward and upward. On… Why, Tracy?! Why?!! OH MY GOD, WE'RE HAVING A FIRE… sale. Oh, the burning! ♪♪ Amaaaaaaziiiing Graaaace ♪♪ I guess you can say I'm buy-curious. No borders, no limits… go ahead, touch the Cornballer… you know best? Well excuse me, Judge Reinhold! She keeps saying that God is going to show me a sign. The… something of my ways.
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