Dad style programming jokes
submit your own, if they make me laugh I'll merge them.
Q: How do you get the code for the bank vault?
A: You checkout their branch.
Q: How did the developer announce their engagement?
Q: What do you call a busy waiter?
A: A server.
Q: What do you call an idle server?
A: A waiter.
[Please Enter New Password] fortnight [Error: Password is Two Week]
Q: How many Prolog programmers does it take to change a lightbulb?
I’ve been hearing news about this big boolean.
Huge if true.
Q: What diet did the ghost developer go on?
Q: Why was the developer unhappy at their job?
A: They wanted arrays.
Q: Why did 10 get paid less than "10"?
A: There was workplace inequality.
Q: Why was the function sad after a successful first call?
A: It didn’t get a callback.
Q: Why did the angry function exceed the callstack size?
A: It got into an Argument with itself
Q: Whats the object-oriented way to become wealthy?
Q: Why did the developer ground their kid?
A: They weren't telling the truthy
Q: What did the array say after it was extended?
A: Stop objectifying me.
It's funny 'cause it's true.
Q: Where did the parallel function wash its hands?
Q: I'm starting a band called HTML Encoder
A: Looking to buy a guitar &
Q: Why did the functions stop calling each other?
A: Because they had constant arguments.
Q: What's the second movie about a database engineer called?
A: The SQL.
A programmer's significant other tells them, "Run to the store and pick up a loaf of bread. If they have eggs, get a dozen."
The programmer comes home with 12 loaves of bread.
Q: What did the spider do on the computer?
A: Made a website!
Q: What did the computer do at lunchtime?
A: Had a byte!
Q: What does a baby computer call his father?
Q: Why did the computer keep sneezing?
A: It had a virus!
Q: What is a computer virus?
A: A terminal illness!
Q: Why was the computer cold?
A: It left its Windows open!
Q: Why was there a bug in the computer?
A: Because it was looking for a byte to eat?
Q: Why did the computer squeak?
A: Because someone stepped on its mouse!
Q: What do you get when you cross a computer and a life guard?
A: A screensaver!
Q: Where do all the cool mice live?
A: In their mousepads!
Q: What do you get when you cross a computer with an elephant?
A: Lots of memory!
Java truly is an OOP language...
As in: OOPs I used Java!
Q: How do programming pirates pass method parameters?
Q: How do programming shepherds count their flock?
A: With lambda functions
Q: How did pirates collaborate before computers ?
A: Pier to pier networking.
Q: Why don't bachelors like Git?
A: Because they are afraid to commit.
Q: A SQL query goes into a bar, walks up to two tables and asks:
A: Can I JOIN you?
Q: How does a developer make a cheer?
A: ["hip","hip"] // (hip hip array!)
Q: Why was the developer's family upset with them at dinner?
A: They forgot to git squash before going home
Q: What did the proud React component say to its child?
A: I've got to give you props
Q: What did the server say to his client who was having a bad day?
A: Everything's going to be 200
Q: Why did the developer go broke?
A: Because they used up all their cache
Q: Are computers dangerous?
A: Nah, they don't byte. They just nibble a bit.
Q: How did the mafioso kill the Node server?
A: Tie await to it and let it async.
Q: You know what the best thing about booleans is?
A: Even if you are wrong, you are only off by a bit.
Q: Why couldn’t the user update a file on a shared server?
A: They didn’t have the write permissions
Q: What do you do when you can't understand your husband's behavior?
A: man man
Q: How many developers does it take to change a light bulb?
A: None. It's a hardware issue
Q: Why do programmers always mix up Halloween and Christmas?
A: Because 31 OCT == 25 DEC
Q: What are computers' favorite snacks?
A: Microchips, phish sticks, and cookies. But just a few bytes of each.
Q: What do computers love to do at the beach?
A: Put on some spam block for protection so they can safely surf the net while catching some .WAVs!
Q: What's a compiler developer's favorite spice?
Q: A SQL developer walked into a NoSQL bar.
A: They left because they couldn't find a table.
Q: How do you help JS errors?
Q: Why don't parents teach their kids about regular expressions?
A: Because they don't want them playing with matches
Q: Why didn't the
<div /> get invited to the dinner party?
A: Because it had no class!
Q: Why did the constant break up with the variable?
A: Because they changed.
Q: Why did the database administrator leave his wife?
A: She had one-to-many relationships.
I Promise you.
Q: What did the Class say in court when put on trial?
A: I strongly object!
Q: Why do Java developers wear glasses?
A: Because they don't C#!
Q: What are the three hardest problems in computer science?
A: Naming things and off-by-one errors
Q: What did the fruit basket say to the developer?
A: I hope you're ready for some pear programming!
I've got a great UDP joke but I'm afraid you wouldn't get it...
A programmer was arrested for writing unreadable code. They refused to comment.
There are 10 types of people in this world, those who understand binary and those who don't.
Q: I love you and I only love you. Does that turn you on?
AND GATE: No.
Q: Why do all HTML emails get blocked?
A: Because they are all
Q: What did the process say after working in an infinite loop all day?
A: I need a break.
Q: An Agent died unexpectedly. How was the crime solved?
A: By looking at the Stack Trace.
Q: Why did the document store go out of business?
A: It had NoSQL.
Q: Why can't SQL and NoSQL Developers date one other?
A: Because they don't agree on relationships.
Q: Why is Python like the Soviet Union?
A: Because it has no private fields
Q: Where did the API go to eat?
A: To the RESTaurant
Q: Why shouldn't you trust Matlab developers?
A: Because they're always plotting something.
Q: Why did the developer have to quit smoking?
A: Because they couldn't afford to pay the new syntax.
Q: How does a programmer open a jar for their significant other?
A: They install Java
Q: What did the psychic say to the developers?
A: I see dev people.
Q: Where does the pirate stash all of their digital treasures?
Q: What is React's favorite movie genre?
Q: Why couldn't the React component understand the joke?
A: Because it didn't get the context.
Q: What did XHR say to AJAX when it thought it was being a Mean Girl?
A: Stop trying to make fetch happen!
Q: What was Grace Hopper's favorite car?
A: VW Bug
Q: What sits on a pirate's shoulder and calls, "Pieces of seven, Pieces of seven"
A: Parroty error.
Q: Why did the programmer come home crying?"
A: His friends were always boolean him.
- Knock Knock!
- An async function
- Who's there?
Q: What PostgreSQL library should Python developers use for adult-oriented code?
The next time you're using Safari or Firefox and it's running slowly, you can say to yourself, "I could've had a V8".
A: A room with a Vue.
Q: Where do developers drink?
A: The Foo bar