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Dad style programming jokes

submit your own, if they make me laugh I'll merge them.

Q: How do you get the code for the bank vault?

A: You checkout their branch.

Q: How did the developer announce their engagement?

A: They returned true!

Q: What do you call a busy waiter?

A: A server.

Q: What do you call an idle server?

A: A waiter.

[Please Enter New Password]


[Error: Password is Two Week]

Q: How many Prolog programmers does it take to change a lightbulb?

A: Yes.

I’ve been hearing news about this big boolean.

Huge if true.

Q: What diet did the ghost developer go on?

A: Boolean

Q: Why was the developer unhappy at their job?

A: They wanted arrays.

Q: Why did 10 get paid less than "10"?

A: There was workplace inequality.

Q: Why was the function sad after a successful first call?

A: It didn’t get a callback.

Q: Why did the angry function exceed the callstack size?

A: It got into an Argument with itself

Q: Whats the object-oriented way to become wealthy?

A: Inheritance

Q: Why did the developer ground their kid?

A: They weren't telling the truthy

Q: What did the array say after it was extended?

A: Stop objectifying me.


It's funny 'cause it's true.

Q: Where did the parallel function wash its hands?

A: Async

Q: I'm starting a band called HTML Encoder

A: Looking to buy a guitar &

Q: Why did the functions stop calling each other?

A: Because they had constant arguments.

Q: What's the second movie about a database engineer called?

A: The SQL.

A programmer's significant other tells them, "Run to the store and pick up a loaf of bread. If they have eggs, get a dozen."

The programmer comes home with 12 loaves of bread.

Q: What did the spider do on the computer?

A: Made a website!

Q: What did the computer do at lunchtime?

A: Had a byte!

Q: What does a baby computer call his father?

A: Data!

Q: Why did the computer keep sneezing?

A: It had a virus!

Q: What is a computer virus?

A: A terminal illness!

Q: Why was the computer cold?

A: It left its Windows open!

Q: Why was there a bug in the computer?

A: Because it was looking for a byte to eat?

Q: Why did the computer squeak?

A: Because someone stepped on its mouse!

Q: What do you get when you cross a computer and a life guard?

A: A screensaver!

Q: Where do all the cool mice live?

A: In their mousepads!

Q: What do you get when you cross a computer with an elephant?

A: Lots of memory!

Java truly is an OOP language...

As in: OOPs I used Java!

Q: How do programming pirates pass method parameters?

A: Varrrrarrrgs.

Q: How do programming shepherds count their flock?

A: With lambda functions

Q: How did pirates collaborate before computers ?

A: Pier to pier networking.

Q: Why don't bachelors like Git?

A: Because they are afraid to commit.

Q: A SQL query goes into a bar, walks up to two tables and asks:

A: Can I JOIN you?

Q: How does a developer make a cheer?

A: ["hip","hip"] // (hip hip array!)

Q: Why was the developer's family upset with them at dinner?

A: They forgot to git squash before going home

Q: What did JavaScript call his son?


Q: What did the proud React component say to its child?

A: I've got to give you props

Q: What did the server say to his client who was having a bad day?

A: Everything's going to be 200

Q: Why did the developer go broke?

A: Because they used up all their cache

Q: Are computers dangerous?

A: Nah, they don't byte. They just nibble a bit.

Q: How did the mafioso kill the Node server?

A: Tie await to it and let it async.

Q: You know what the best thing about booleans is?

A: Even if you are wrong, you are only off by a bit.

Q: Why couldn’t the user update a file on a shared server?

A: They didn’t have the write permissions

Q: What do you do when you can't understand your husband's behavior?

A: man man

Q: How many developers does it take to change a light bulb?

A: None. It's a hardware issue

Q: Why do programmers always mix up Halloween and Christmas?

A: Because 31 OCT == 25 DEC

Q: What are computers' favorite snacks?

A: Microchips, phish sticks, and cookies. But just a few bytes of each.

Q: What do computers love to do at the beach?

A: Put on some spam block for protection so they can safely surf the net while catching some .WAVs!

Q: What's a compiler developer's favorite spice?

A: Parsley.

Q: A SQL developer walked into a NoSQL bar.

A: They left because they couldn't find a table.

Q: How do you help JS errors?

A: You console them!

Q: Why don't parents teach their kids about regular expressions?

A: Because they don't want them playing with matches

Q: Why didn't the <div /> get invited to the dinner party?

A: Because it had no class!

Q: Why did the constant break up with the variable?

A: Because they changed.

Q: Why did the database administrator leave his wife?

A: She had one-to-many relationships.

Asynchronous JavaScript is amazing.

I Promise you.

Q: What did the Class say in court when put on trial?

A: I strongly object!

Q: Why do Java developers wear glasses?

A: Because they don't C#!

Q: What are the three hardest problems in computer science?

A: Naming things and off-by-one errors

Q: What did the fruit basket say to the developer?

A: I hope you're ready for some pear programming!

I've got a great UDP joke but I'm afraid you wouldn't get it...

A programmer was arrested for writing unreadable code. They refused to comment.

There are 10 types of people in this world, those who understand binary and those who don't.

Q: I love you and I only love you. Does that turn you on?


Q: Why do all HTML emails get blocked?

A: Because they are all <span />.

Q: What did the process say after working in an infinite loop all day?

A: I need a break.

Q: An Agent died unexpectedly. How was the crime solved?

A: By looking at the Stack Trace.

Q: Why did the document store go out of business?

A: It had NoSQL.

Q: Why can't SQL and NoSQL Developers date one other?

A: Because they don't agree on relationships.

Q: Why is Python like the Soviet Union?

A: Because it has no private fields

Q: Where did the API go to eat?

A: To the RESTaurant

Q: Why shouldn't you trust Matlab developers?

A: Because they're always plotting something.

Q: Why did the developer have to quit smoking?

A: Because they couldn't afford to pay the new syntax.

Q: How does a programmer open a jar for their significant other?

A: They install Java

Q: What did the psychic say to the developers?

A: I see dev people.

Q: Where does the pirate stash all of their digital treasures?


Q: What is React's favorite movie genre?

A: Suspense

Q: Why couldn't the React component understand the joke?

A: Because it didn't get the context.

Q: What did XHR say to AJAX when it thought it was being a Mean Girl?

A: Stop trying to make fetch happen!

Q: What was Grace Hopper's favorite car?

A: VW Bug

Q: What sits on a pirate's shoulder and calls, "Pieces of seven, Pieces of seven"

A: Parroty error.

Q: Why did the programmer come home crying?"

A: His friends were always boolean him.

- Knock Knock!

- An async function

- Who's there?

Q: What PostgreSQL library should Python developers use for adult-oriented code?

A: psycoPG13

The next time you're using Safari or Firefox and it's running slowly, you can say to yourself, "I could've had a V8".

Q: What accommodations did the JavaScript developer request at the hotel?

A: A room with a Vue.

Q: Where do developers drink?

A: The Foo bar

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