From 48902df80de17947f204517c092b033a482ce709 Mon Sep 17 00:00:00 2001 From: Marc Rousavy Date: Fri, 10 May 2024 10:35:06 +0200 Subject: [PATCH] Update File.swift --- package/example/ios/File.swift | 4366 +++++++++++++++++++++++++------- 1 file changed, 3432 insertions(+), 934 deletions(-) diff --git a/package/example/ios/File.swift b/package/example/ios/File.swift index af024c6eb6..c4071263fa 100644 --- a/package/example/ios/File.swift +++ b/package/example/ios/File.swift @@ -9,940 +9,3438 @@ import Foundation // swiftlint:disable file_length -struct VisionCameraNothingFile { - // Ignore this Swift file. - // - // - // - // - // - // - // - // - // - // - // - // - // - // - // - // - // - // - // - // - // - // - // - // - // - // - // - // - // - // - // - // - // - // - // - // - // - // - // - // - // - // - // - // - // - // - // - // - // - // - // - // - // - // - // - // - // - // - // - // - // - // - // - // - // - // - // - // - // - // - // - // - // - // - // - // - // - // - // - // - // - // - // - // - // - // - // - // - // - // - // - // - // - // - // - // - // - // - // - // - // - // - // - // - // - // - // - // - // - // - // - // - // - // - // - // - // - // - // - // - // - // - // - // - // - // - // - // - // - // - // - // - // - // - // - // - // - // - // - // - // - // - // - // - // - // - // - // - // - // - // - // - // - // - // - // - // - // - // - // - // - // - // - // - // - // - // - // - // - // - // - // - // - // - // - // - // - // - // - // - // - // - // - // - // - // - // - // - // - // - // - // - // - // - // - // - // - // - // - // - // - // - // - // - // - // - // - // - // - // - // - // - // - // - // - // - // - // - // - // - // - // - // - // - // - // - // - // - // - // - // - // - // - // - // - // - // - // - // - // - // - // - // - // - // - // - // - // - // - // - // - // - // - // - // - // - // - // - // - // - // - // - // - // - // - // - // - // - // - // - // - // - // - // - // - // - // - // - // - // - // - // - // - // - // - // - // - // - // - // - // - // - // - // - // - // - // - // - // - // - // - // - // - // - // - // - // - // - // - // - // - // - // - // - // - // - // - // - // - // - // - // - // - // - // - // - // - // - // - // - // - // - // - // - // - // - // - // - // - // - // - // - // - // - // - // - // - // - // - // - // - // - // - // - // - // - // - // - // - // - // - // - // - // - // - // - // - // - // - // - // - // - // - // - // - // - // - // - // - // - // - // - // - // - // - // - // - // - // - // - // - // - // - // - // - // - // - // - // - // - // - // - // - // - // - // - // - // - // - // - // - // - // - // - // - // - // - // - // - // - // - // - // - // - // - // - // - // - // - // - // - // - // - // - // - // - // - // - // - // - // - // - // - // - // - // - // - // - // - // - // - // - // - // - // - // - // - // - // - // - // - // - // - // - // - // - // - // - // - // - // - // - // - // - // - // - // - // - // - // - // - // - // - // - // - // - // - // - // - // - // - // - // - // - // - // - // - // - // - // - // - // - // - // - // - // - // - // - // - // - // - // - // - // - // - // - // - // - // - // - // - // - // - // - // - // - // - // - // - // - // - // - // - // - // - // - // - // - // - // - // - // - // - // - // - // - // - // - // - // - // - // - // - // - // - // - // - // - // - // - // - // - // - // - // - // - // - // - // - // - // - // - // - // - // - // - // - // - // - // - // - // - // - // - // - // - // - // - // - // - // - // - // - // - // - // - // - // - // - // - // - // - // - // - // - // - // - // - // - // - // - // - // - // - // - // - // - // - // - // - // - // - // - // - // - // - // - // - // - // - // - // - // - // - // - // - // - // - // - // - // - // - // - // - // - // - // - // - // - // - // - // - // - // - // - // - // - // - // - // - // - // - // - // - // - // - // - // - // - // - // - // - // - // - // - // - // - // - // - // - // - // - // - // - // - // - // - // - // - // - // - // - // - // - // - // - // - // - // - // - // - // - // - // - // - // - // - // - // - // - // - // - // - // - // - // - // - // - // - // - // - // - // - // - // - // - // - // - // - // - // - // - // - // - // - // - // - // - // - // - // - // - // - // - // - // - // - // - // - // - // - // - // - // - // - // - // - // - // - // - // - // - // - // - // - // - // - // - // - // - // - // - // - // - // - // - // - // - // - // - // - // - // - // - // - // - // - // - // - // - // - // - // - // - // - // - // - // - // - // - // - // - // - // - // - // - // - // - // - // - // - // - // - // - // - // - // - // - // - // - // - // - // - // - // - // - // - // - // - // - // - // - // - // - // - // - // - // - // - // - // - // - // - // - // - // - // - // - // - // - // - // - // - // - // - // - // - // - // - // - // - // - // - // - // - // - // - // - // - // - // - // - // - // - // - // - // - // - // - // - // - // - // - // - // - // - // - // - // - // - // - // - // - // - // - // - // - // - // - // - // - // - // - // - // - // - // - // - // - // - // - // - // - // - // - // - // - // - // - // - // - // - // - // - // - // - // - // - // - // - // - // told 'ya to ignore it. +struct VisionCameraShrek { +// ---> this is the entire script of Shrek 1: +// +// {Man} Once upon a time there was a lovely princess. +// +// But she had an enchantment upon her of a fearful sort which could only +// +// be broken by love's first kiss. +// +// She was locked away in a castle guarded by a terrible fire-breathing +// +// dragon. +// +// Many brave knigts had attempted to free her from this dreadful prison, +// +// but non prevailed. +// +// She waited in the dragon's keep in the highest room of the tallest +// +// tower for her true love and true love's first kiss. +// +// {Laughing} +// +// Like that's ever gonna happen. +// +// {Paper Rusting, Toilet Flushes} +// +// What a load of - +// +// +// +// Somebody once told me the world is gonna roll me +// +// I ain't the sharpest tool in the shed +// +// She was lookin' kind of dumb with her finger and her thumb +// +// In the shape of an "L" on her forehead +// +// The years start comin' and they don't stop comin' +// +// Fed to the rules and hit the ground runnin' +// +// Didn't make sense not to live for fun +// +// Your brain gets smart but your head gets dumb +// +// So much to do so much to see +// +// So what's wrong with takin' the backstreets +// +// You'll never know if you don't go +// +// You'll never shine if you don't glow +// +// Hey, now You're an all-star +// +// Get your game on, go play +// +// Hey, now You're a rock star +// +// Get the show on, get paid +// +// And all that glitters is gold +// +// Only shootin' stars break the mold +// +// It's a cool place and they say it gets colder +// +// You're bundled up now but wait till you get older +// +// But the meteor men beg to differ +// +// Judging by the hole in the satellite picture +// +// The ice we skate is gettin' pretty thin +// +// The water's getting warm so you might as well swim +// +// My world's on fire +// +// How 'bout yours +// +// That's the way I like it and I'll never get bored +// +// Hey, now, you're an all-star +// +// {Shouting} +// +// Get your game on, go play +// +// Hey, now You're a rock star +// +// Get the show on, get paid +// +// And all that glitters is gold +// +// Only shootin' stars break the mold +// +// {Belches} +// +// Go! +// +// Go! +// +// {Record Scratching} +// +// Go. Go.Go. +// +// Hey, now, you're an all-star +// +// Get your game on, go play +// +// Hey, now You're a rock star +// +// Get the show on, get paid +// +// And all that glitters is gold +// +// Only shootin' stars break the mold +// +// +// +// -Think it's in there? +// +// -All right. Let's get it! +// +// -Whoa. Hold on. Do you know what that thing can do to you? +// +// -Yeah, it'll grind your bones for it's bread. +// +// {Laughs} +// +// -Yes, well, actually, that would be a gaint. +// +// Now, ogres - - They're much worse. +// +// They'll make a suit from your freshly peeled skin. +// +// -No! +// +// -They'll shave your liver. Squeeze the jelly from your eyes! +// +// Actually, it's quite good on toast. +// +// -Back! Back, beast! Back! I warn ya! +// +// {Gasping} +// +// -Right. +// +// {Roaring} +// +// {Shouting} +// +// {Roaring} +// +// {Whispers} This is the part where you run away. +// +// {Gasping} +// +// {Laughs} +// +// {Laughing} And stay out! +// +// "Wanted. Fairy tale creatures." +// +// {Sighs} +// +// {Man's voice} All right. This one's full. +// +// -Take it away! +// +// {Gasps} +// +// -Move it along. Come on! Get up! +// +// -Next! +// +// -Give me that! Your fiying days are over. +// +// That's 20 pieces of silver for the witch. Next! +// +// -Get up! Come on! +// +// -Twenty pieces. +// +// {Thudding} +// +// -Sit down there! +// +// -Keep quiet! +// +// {Crying} +// +// -This cage is too small. +// +// -Please, don't turn me in. I'll never be stubborn again. +// +// I can change. Please! Give me another chance! +// +// -Oh, shut up. +// +// -Oh! +// +// -Next! +// +// -What have you got? +// +// -This little wooden puppet. +// +// -I'm not a puppet. I'm a real boy. +// +// -Five shillings for the possessed toy. Take it away. +// +// -Father, please! Don't let them do this! +// +// -Help me! +// +// -Next! What have you got? +// +// -Well, I've got a talking donkey. +// +// {Grunts} +// +// -Right. Well, that's good for ten shillings, if you can prove it. +// +// -Oh, go ahead, little fella. +// +// -Well? +// +// -Oh, oh, he's just - - He's just a little nervous. +// +// He's really quite a chatterbox. Talk, you boneheaded dolt - - +// +// -That's it. I've heard enough. Guards! +// +// -No, no, he talks! He does. I can talk. I love to talk. +// +// I'm the talkingest damn thing you ever saw. +// +// -Get her out of my sight. +// +// -No, no! I swear! Oh! He can talk! +// +// {Gasps} +// +// -Hey! I can fly! +// +// -He can fly! +// +// -He can fly! +// +// -He can talk! +// +// -Ha, ha! That's right, fool! Now I'm a flying, talking donkey. +// +// You might have seen a housefly, maybe even a superfly +// +// but I bet you ain't never seen a donkey fly. Ha, ha! +// +// Oh-oh. +// +// {Grunts} +// +// -Seize him! +// +// -After him! He's getting away! +// +// {Grunts, Gasps} +// +// {Man} +// +// -Get him! This way! Turn! +// +// -You there. Orge! +// +// -Aye? +// +// -By the order of Lord Farquaad I am authorized to place you both under +// +// arrest +// +// and transport you to a designated..... resettlement facility. +// +// -Oh, really? You and what army? +// +// {Gasps, Whimpering} +// +// {Chuckles} +// +// -Can I say something to you? +// +// -Listen, you was really, really, really somethin' back here. +// +// Incredible! +// +// Are you talkin' to - - me? Whoa! +// +// -Yes. I was talkin' to you. Can I tell you that you that you was great +// +// back here? Those guards! +// +// They thought they was all of that. Then you showed up, and bam! They +// +// was trippin' over themselves like babes in the woods. That really made +// +// me feel good to see that. +// +// -Oh, that's great. Really. +// +// -Man, it's good to be free. +// +// -Now, why don't you go celebrate your freedom with your own friends? +// +// Hmm? +// +// -But, uh, I don't have any friends. And I'm not goin' out there by +// +// myself. Hey, wait a minute! I got a great idea! I'll stick with you. +// +// You're mean, green, fightin' machine. Together we'll scare the spit +// +// out of anybody that crosses us. +// +// {Roaring} +// +// -Oh, wow! That was really scary. If you don't mind me sayin', if that +// +// don't work, your breath certainly will get the job done, 'cause you +// +// definitely need some Tic Tacs or something, 'cause you breath stinks! +// +// You almost burned the hair outta my nose, just like the time - - +// +// {Mumbling} +// +// Than I ate some rotten berries. I had strong gases eking out of my +// +// butt that day. +// +// -Why are you following me? +// +// -I'll tell you why. +// +// +// +// 'Cause I'm all alone +// +// There's no one here beside me +// +// My promlems have all gone +// +// There's no one to deride me +// +// But you gotta heve friends - - +// +// +// +// -Stop singing! It's no wonder you don't have any friends. +// +// -Wow. Only a true friend would be that cruelly honest. +// +// -Listen, little donkey. Take a look at me. What am I? +// +// -Uh - - Really tall? +// +// -No! I'm an orge! You know. "Grab your torch and pitchforks." Doesn't +// +// that bother you? +// +// -Nope. +// +// -Really? +// +// -Really, really. +// +// -Oh. +// +// -Man, I like you. What's you name? +// +// -Uh, Shrek. +// +// -Shrek? Well, you know what I like about you, Shrek? +// +// You got that kind of I-don't-care-what-nobody-thinks-of-me thing. +// +// I like that. I respect that, Shrek. You all right. Whoo! Look at that. +// +// Who'd want to live in place like that? +// +// -That would be my home. +// +// -Oh! And it is lovely! Just beautiful. You know you are quite a +// +// decorator. It's amazing what you've done with such a modest budget. I +// +// like that boulder. That is a nice boulder. +// +// -I guess you don't entertain much, do you? +// +// -I like my privacy. +// +// -You know, I do too. That's another thing we have in common. Like I +// +// hate it when you got somebody in your face. You've trying to give them +// +// a hint, and they won't leave. There's that awkward silence. +// +// -Can I stay with you? +// +// -Uh, what? +// +// -Can I stay with you, please? +// +// -Of course! +// +// -Really? +// +// -No. +// +// -Please! I don't wanna go back there! You don't know what it's like to +// +// be considered a freak. Well, maybe you do. But that's why we gotta +// +// stick together. You gotta let me stay! Please! Please! +// +// -Okay! Okay! But one night only. +// +// -Ah! Thank you! +// +// -What are you - - No! No! +// +// -This is gonna be fun! We can stay up late, swappin' manly stories, +// +// and in the mornin' I'm makin' waffles. +// +// -Oh! +// +// -Where do, uh, I sleep? +// +// -Outside! +// +// -Oh, well. I guess that's cool. I mean, I don't know you, and you +// +// don't know me, so I guess outside is best, you know. +// +// {Sniffles} +// +// -Here I go. +// +// -Good night. +// +// {Sighs} +// +// -I mean, I do like the outdoors. I'm a donkey. I was born outside. +// +// I'll just be sitting by myself outside, I guess, you know. By myself, +// +// outside. +// +// +// +// I'm all alone +// +// There's no one here beside me +// +// {Bubbling} +// +// {Sighs} +// +// {Creaking} +// +// {Sighs} +// +// -I thought I told you to stay outside. +// +// -I'm outside. +// +// {Clattering} +// +// -Well, gents, it's a far cry from the farm, but what choice do we +// +// have? +// +// -It's not home, but it'll do just fune. +// +// -What a lovely bed. +// +// -Got ya. +// +// {Sniffs} I found some cheese. +// +// -Ow! {Grunts} +// +// -Blah! Awful stuff. +// +// -Is that you, Gorder? +// +// -How did you know? +// +// -Enough! What are you doing in my house? +// +// {Grunts} +// +// -Hey! +// +// {Snickers} +// +// -Oh, no, no, no. Dead broad off the table. +// +// -Where are we supposed to put her? The bed's taken. +// +// -Huh? +// +// {Gusps} +// +// {Male voice} What? +// +// -I live in a swamp. I put up signs. I'm a terrifying orge! What do I +// +// have to do get a little privacy? +// +// -Aah! +// +// -Oh, no. No! No! +// +// {Cackling} +// +// -What? +// +// -Quit it. +// +// -Don't push. +// +// {Squeaking} +// +// {Lows} +// +// - What are you doing in my swamp? +// +// {Echoing} +// +// Swamp! Swamp! Swamp! +// +// {Gasping} +// +// -Oh, dear! +// +// -Whoa! +// +// -All right, get out of here. All of you, move it! Come on! Let's go! +// +// Hapaya! Hapaya! Hey! +// +// -Quickly. Come on! +// +// -No, no! No, no. Not there. Not there. +// +// -Oh! +// +// {Sighs} +// +// -Hey, don't look at me. I didn't invite them. +// +// -Oh, gosh, no one invited us. +// +// -What? +// +// -We were forced to come here. +// +// -By who? +// +// -Lord Farquaad. +// +// -He huffed und he puffed und he...... signed an eviction notice. +// +// {Sighs} +// +// -All right. Who knows where this Farquaad guy is? +// +// {Murmuring} +// +// -Oh, I do. I know where he is. +// +// -Does anyone else know where to find him? Anyone at all? +// +// -Me! Me! +// +// -Anyone? +// +// -Oh! Oh, pick me! Oh, I know! I know! Me, me! +// +// {Sighs} +// +// -Okay, fine. Attention, all fairy tale things. Do not get comfortable. +// +// Your welcome is officially worn out. In fact, I'm gonna see this guy +// +// Farquaad right now and get you all off my land and back where you came +// +// from! +// +// {Cheering} +// +// {Twittering} +// +// -Oh! You! You're comin' with me. +// +// - All right, that's what I like to hear, man. Shrek and Donkey, two +// +// stalwart friends, off on a whirlwind big-city adventure. I love it! +// +// -On the road again. Sing it with me, Shrek. +// +// -Hey. Oh, oh! +// +// -I can't wait to get on the road again. +// +// -What did I say about singing? +// +// -Can I whistle? +// +// -No. +// +// -Can I hum it? +// +// -All right, hum it. +// +// {Humming} +// +// +// +// {Grunts} +// +// {Whimpering} +// +// -That's enough. He's ready to talk. +// +// {Coughing} +// +// {Laughing} +// +// {Clears throat} +// +// -Run, run, run, as fust as you can. You can't catch me. I'm the +// +// gingerbread man! +// +// -You are a monster. +// +// -I'm not the monster here. You are. You and the rest of that fairy +// +// tale trash, poisoning my perfect world. Now, tell me! Where are the +// +// others? +// +// -Eat me!{Grunts} +// +// -I've tried to be fair to you creatures. Now my patience has reached +// +// its end! Tell me or I'll - - +// +// -No, no, not the buttons. Not my gumdrop buttons. +// +// -All right then. Who's hiding them? +// +// -Okay, I'll tell you. Do you know the muffin man? +// +// -The muffin man? +// +// -The muffin man. +// +// -Yes, I know the muffin man, who lives on Drury Lane? +// +// -Well, she's married to the muffin man. +// +// -The muffin man? +// +// -The muffin man! +// +// -She's married to the muffin man. +// +// {Door opens} +// +// -My lord! We found it. +// +// -Then what are you waiting for? Bring it in. +// +// {Man grunting} +// +// {Gasping} +// +// -Oh! +// +// -Magic mirror - - +// +// -Don't tell him anything! +// +// -No! +// +// {Ginerbread man whispers} +// +// -Evening. Mirror, mirror on the wall. Is this not the most perfect +// +// kingdom of them all? +// +// -Well, technically you're not a king. +// +// -Uh, Thelonius. +// +// -You were saying? +// +// -What I mean is, you're not a king yet. But you can become one. All +// +// you have to do is marry a princess. +// +// -Go on. +// +// {Chuckles} +// +// -So, just sit back and relax, my lord, because it's time for you to +// +// meet today's eligible bachelorettes. And here they are! Bachelorette +// +// number one is a mentally abused shut-in from a kingdom far, far away. +// +// She likes sushi and hot tubbing anytime. Her hobbies include cooking +// +// and cleaning for her two evil sisters. Please welcome Cinderella. +// +// -Bachelorette number two is a cape-wearing girl from the land of +// +// fancy. Although she lives with seven other men, she's not easy. Just +// +// kiss her dead, frozen lips and find out what a live wire she is. Come +// +// on. Give it up for Snow White! +// +// -And last, but certainly not last, bachelorette number three is a +// +// fiery redhead from a dragon-guarded castle surrounded by hot boiling +// +// lava! But don't let that cool you off. She's a loaded pistol who likes +// +// pina colads and getting caught in the rain. Yours for the rescuing, +// +// Princess Fiona! +// +// -So will it be bachelorette number one, bachelorette number two or +// +// bachelorette number three? +// +// -Two! Two! +// +// -Three! Three! +// +// -Two! Two! +// +// -Three! +// +// -Three? One? +// +// {Shudders} Three? +// +// --Three! Pick number three, my lord! +// +// -Okay, okay, uh, number three! +// +// -Lord Farquaad, you've chosen Princess Fiona. +// +// +// +// If you like pina coladas +// +// And getting caught in the rain +// +// +// +// -Princess Fiona. +// +// +// +// If you're not into yoga +// +// +// +// -She's perfect. All I have to do is just find someone who can go - - +// +// -But I probably should mention the little thing that happens at night. +// +// -I'll do it. +// +// -Yes, but after sunset - - +// +// -Silence! I will make this Princess Fiona my queen, and DuLoc will +// +// finally have the perfect king! +// +// Captain, assemble your finest men. We're going to have a tournament. +// +// +// +// -But that's it. That's it right there. That's DuLoc. I told ya I'd +// +// find it. +// +// -So, that must be Lord Farquaad's castle. +// +// -Uh-huh. That's the place. +// +// -Do you think maybe he's compensating for something? +// +// {Laughs} +// +// {Groans} +// +// -Hey, wait. Wait up, Shrek. +// +// -Hurry, darling. We're late. Hurry. +// +// -Hey, you! +// +// {Screams} +// +// -Wait a second. Look, I'm not gonna eat you. I just - - I just - - +// +// {Whimpering} +// +// {Sighs} +// +// {Whimpering, Groans} +// +// {Turnstile clatters} +// +// {Chuckles} +// +// {Sighs} +// +// -It's quiet. Too quiet. +// +// {Creaking} +// +// -Where is everybody? +// +// -Hey, look at this! +// +// {Clattering, whirring, clicking} +// +// Welcome to DuLoc such a perfect town +// +// Here we have some rules +// +// Let us lay them down +// +// Don't make waves, stay in line +// +// And we'll get along fine +// +// DuLoc is perfect place +// +// Please keep off of the grass +// +// Shine your shoes, wipe your... face +// +// DuLoc is, DuLoc is +// +// DuLoc is perfect ...... place +// +// {Camera shutter clicks +// +// {Whirring} +// +// -Wow! Let's do that again! +// +// -No. No. No, no, no! No. +// +// {Trumpet fanfare} +// +// {Crowd cheering} +// +// -Brave knights. +// +// -You are the best and brightest in all the land. +// +// -Today one of you shall prove himself - - +// +// -All right. You're going the right way for a smacked bottom. +// +// -Sorry about that. +// +// {Cheering} +// +// -That champion shall have the honor - - no, no - - the privilege to go +// +// forth and rescue the lovely Princess Fiona from the fiery keep of the +// +// dragon. If for any reason the winner is unsuccessful, the first +// +// runner-up will take his place and so on and so forth. Some of you mae +// +// die, but it's a sacrifice I am willing to make. +// +// {Cheering} +// +// -Let the tournament begin! +// +// {Gasps} +// +// -Oh! +// +// -What is that? +// +// {Gasping} +// +// -It's hideous! +// +// -Ah, that's not very nice. It's just a donkey. +// +// -Indeed. Knights, new plan! The one who kills the orge will be named +// +// champion! Have it him! +// +// -Get him! +// +// -Oh, hey! Now come on! Hang on now. +// +// -Go ahead! Get him! +// +// -Can't we just settle this over a pint? +// +// -Kill the beast! +// +// -No? All right then. Come on! +// +// +// +// I don't give a damn about my reputation +// +// You're living in the past +// +// It's a new generation +// +// +// +// -Damn! +// +// {Whinnying} +// +// +// +// A girl can do what she wants to do +// +// And that's what I'm gonna do +// +// And I don't give a damn about my bad reputation +// +// Oh, no, no, no, no, no. Not me +// +// Me, me, me +// +// +// +// -Hey, Shrek, tag me! Tag me! +// +// +// +// And I don't give a damn about my bad reputation +// +// Never said I wanted to improve my station +// +// +// +// -Ah! +// +// {Laughs} +// +// +// +// And I'm always feelin' good when I'm having fun +// +// +// +// -Yeah! +// +// +// +// And I don't have to please no one +// +// +// +// -The chair! Give him the chair! +// +// +// +// And I don't give a damn about my bad reputation +// +// Oh, no, no, no, no, no. Not me +// +// Me, me, me +// +// Oh, no, no, no, no, no. Not me, not me +// +// {Bell dings} +// +// {Cheering} +// +// {Laughs} +// +// -Oh, yeah! Ah! Ah! Thank you! Thank you very much! I'm here till +// +// Thursday. Try the veal! Ha, ha! +// +// {Shrek laughs} +// +// {Crowd gasping, murmuring} +// +// -Shall I give the order, sir? +// +// -No, I have a better idea. People of DuLoc, I give you our champion! +// +// -What? +// +// -Congratulations, orge. You're won the honor of embarking on a great +// +// and noble quest. +// +// -Quest? I'm already in a quest, a quest to get my swamp back. +// +// -Your swamp? +// +// -Yeah, my swamp! Where you dumped those tale creatures! +// +// {Crowd murmuring} +// +// -Indeed. All right, orge. I'll make you a deal. Go on this quest for +// +// me, and I'll give you your swamp back. +// +// -Exactly the way it was? +// +// -Down to the last slime-covered toadstool. +// +// -And the squatters? +// +// -As good as gone. +// +// -What kind of quest? +// +// -Let me get this straight. You're gonna go fight a dragon and rescue a +// +// princess just so Farquaad will give you back a swamp which you only +// +// don't have because he filled it full of freaks in the first place. +// +// -Is that about right? +// +// -Maybe there's a good reason donkeys shouldn't talk. +// +// -I don't get it. Why don't you just pull some of that orge stuff on +// +// him? Throttle him, lay siege to his fortress, grinds his bones to make +// +// your bread, the whole orge trip. +// +// -Oh, I know what. Maybe I could have decapitated an entire village and +// +// put their heads on a pike, gotten a knife, cut open their spleen and +// +// drink their fluids. Does that sound good to you? +// +// -Uh, no, not really, no. +// +// -For your information, there's a lot more to orges than people think. +// +// -Example? +// +// -Example? Okay, um, orges are like onions. +// +// -{Sniffs} They stink? +// +// -Yes - - No! +// +// -They make you cry? +// +// -No! +// +// -You leave them in the sun, they get all brown, start sproutin' little +// +// white hairs. +// +// -No! Layers! Onions have layers. Orges have layers! Onions have +// +// layers. You get it? We both have layers. +// +// {Sighs} +// +// -Oh, you both have layers. Oh. {Sniffs} You know, not everybody likes +// +// onions. Cake! Everybody loves cakes! Cakes have layers. +// +// -I don't care... what everyone likes. Orges are not like cakes. +// +// -You know what else everybody likes? Parfaits. Have you ever met a +// +// person, you say, "Let's get some parfait," they say, "No, I don't like +// +// no parfait"? Parfaits are delicious. +// +// -No! You dense, irritating, miniature beast of burden! Orges are like +// +// onions! And of story. Bye-bye. See ya later. +// +// -Parfaits may be the most delicious thing on the whole damn planet. +// +// -You know, I think I preferred your humming. Do you have a tissure or +// +// something? I'm making a mess. Just the word parfait make me start +// +// slobbering. +// +// +// +// I'm on my way from misery to happiness today +// +// Uh-huh,uh-huh, uh-huh, uh-huh +// +// I'm on my way from misery to happiness today +// +// Uh-huh,uh-huh, uh-huh, uh-huh +// +// And everything that you receive up yonder +// +// Is what you give to me the day I wander +// +// I'm on my way +// +// I'm on my way +// +// I'm on my way +// +// +// +// -Ohh! Shrek! Did you do that? +// +// -You gotta warn somebody before you just crack one off. My mouth was +// +// open. Believe me, Donkey, if it was me, you'd be dead. {Sniffs} It's +// +// brimstone We must be getting close. +// +// -Yeah, right, brimstone. Don't be talking about it's the brimstone. I +// +// know what I smell. It wasn't no brimstone. It didn't come off no stone +// +// neither. +// +// {Rumbling} +// +// -Sure, it's big enough, but look at the location. +// +// {Laughing} +// +// -Uh, Shrek? Uh, remember when you said orges have layers? +// +// -Oh, aye. +// +// -Well, I have a bit of a confession to make. Donkeys don't have +// +// layers. We wear our fear right out there on our sleeves. +// +// -Wait a second. Donkeys don't have sleeves. +// +// -You know what I mean. +// +// -You can't tell me you're afraid of heights. +// +// -I'm just a little uncomfortable about being on a rickety bridge over +// +// a boiling like of lava! +// +// -Come on, Donkey. I'm right here beside ya, okay? For emotional +// +// support., we'll just tackle this thing together one little baby step +// +// at a time. +// +// -Really? +// +// -Really, really. +// +// -Okay, that makes me feel so much better. +// +// -Just keep moving. And don't look down. +// +// -Okay, don't look down. Don't look down. Don't look down. Keep on +// +// moving. Don't look down. +// +// {Gasps} +// +// -Shrek! I'm lookin' down! Oh, God, I can't do this! Just let me off, +// +// please! +// +// -But you're already halfway. +// +// -But I know that half is safe! +// +// -Okay, fine. I don't have time for this. You go back. +// +// -Shrek, no! Wait! +// +// -Just, Donkey - - Let's have a dance then, shall me? +// +// -Don't do that! +// +// -Oh, I'm sorry. Do what? +// +// -Oh, this? +// +// -Yes, that! +// +// -Yes? Yes, do it. Okay. +// +// {Screams} +// +// -No, Shrek! No! Stop it! +// +// -You said do it! I'm doin' it. +// +// -I'm gonna die. I'm gonna die. Shrek, I'm gonna die. Oh! +// +// -That'll do, Donkey. That'll do. +// +// -Cool. +// +// -So where is this fire-breathing pain-in-the-neck anyway? +// +// -Inside, waiting for us to rescue her. +// +// {Chuckles} +// +// -I was talkin' about the dragon, Shrek. +// +// {Water dripping, wind howling} +// +// -You afraid? +// +// -No. +// +// -But - - +// +// - Shh. +// +// -Oh, good. Me neither. +// +// {Gasps} +// +// -'Cause there's nothin' wrong with bein' afraid. Fear's a sensible +// +// response to an unfamiliar situation. Unfamiliar dangerous situation, I +// +// might add. With a dragon that breathes fire and eats knights and +// +// breathes fire, it sure doesn't mean you're a coward if you're a little +// +// scared. I sure as heck ain't no coward. I know that. +// +// {Gasps} +// +// -Donkey, two things, okay? Shut ... up. Now go over there and see if +// +// you can find any stairs. +// +// -Stairs? I thought we was lookin' for the princess. +// +// -The princess will be up the stairs in the highest room in the tallest +// +// tower. +// +// -What makes you think she'll be there? +// +// -I read it in a book once. +// +// -Cool. You handle the dragon. I'll handle the stairs. I'll find those +// +// stairs. I'll whip their butt too. Those stairs won't know which way +// +// they're goin'. +// +// {Creacing} +// +// -I'm gonna take drastic steps. Kick it to the curb. Don't mess with +// +// me. I'm the stair master. I've mastered the stairs. I wish I had a +// +// step right here. I'd step all over it. +// +// -Well, at least we know where the princess is, but where's the - - +// +// -Dragon! +// +// {Screams} +// +// {Gasps} +// +// {Roars} +// +// -Donkey, look out! +// +// {Screams} +// +// {Whimpering} +// +// -Got ya! +// +// {Roars} +// +// {Gasps} +// +// {Shouts} +// +// -Whoa! Whoa! Whoa! +// +// {Screaming} +// +// {Gasps} +// +// -Oh! Aah! Aah! +// +// {Gasping} +// +// {Crowls} +// +// -No. Oh, no, No! +// +// {Screams} +// +// -Oh, what large teeth you have. +// +// {Crowls} +// +// -I mean white, sparkling teeth. I know you probably hear this all time +// +// from your food, but you must bleach, 'cause that is one dazzling smile +// +// you got there. Do I detect a hint of minty freshness? And you know +// +// what else? You're - - You're a girl dragon! Oh, sure! I mean, of +// +// course you're a girl dragon. You're just reeking of feminine beauty. +// +// What's the matter with you? You got something in your eye? Ohh. Oh. +// +// Oh. Man, I'd really love to stay, but you know, I'm, uh - - +// +// (Coughs) +// +// -I'm an asthmatic, and I don't know if it'd work out if you're gonna +// +// blow smoke rings. Shrek! +// +// {Gasps} +// +// {Whimpering} +// +// -No! Shrek! Shrek! Shrek! +// +// {Groans, Sighs} +// +// {Vocalizing} +// +// -Oh! Oh! +// +// -Wake up! +// +// -What? +// +// -Are you Princess Fiona? +// +// -I am, awaiting a knight so bold as to rescue me. +// +// -Oh, that's nice. Now let's go! +// +// -But wait, Sir Knight. This be-ith our first meeting. Should it not be +// +// a wonderful, romantic moment? +// +// -Yeah, sorry, lady. There's no time. +// +// -Hey, wait. What are you doing? You should sweep me off my feet out +// +// yonder window and down a rope onto your valiant steed. +// +// -You've had a lot of time to plan this, haven't you? +// +// -Mm-hmm. +// +// {Screams, grunts} +// +// -But we have to savor this moment! You could recite an epic poem for +// +// me. A ballad? A sonnet! A limerick? Or something! +// +// -I don't think so. +// +// -Can I at least know the name of my champion? +// +// -Um, Shrek. +// +// -Sir Shrek. +// +// {Cleans throat} +// +// -I pray that you take this favor as a token of my gratitude. +// +// -Thanks! +// +// {Roaring} +// +// -You didn't slay the dragon? +// +// -It's on my to-do list. Now come on! +// +// {Screams} +// +// -But this isn't right! You were meant to charge in, sword drawn, +// +// banner flying. That's what all the other knights did. +// +// -Yeah, right before they burst into flame. +// +// -That's not the point. Oh! +// +// -Wait. Where are you going? The next's over there. +// +// -Well, I have to save my ass. +// +// -What kind of knight are you? +// +// -One of a kind. +// +// -Slow down. Slow down, baby, please. I believe it's healthy to get to +// +// know someone over a long perriod of time. Just call me old-fashioned. +// +// {Laughs} +// +// -I don't want to rush into a physical relationship. I'm not +// +// emotionally ready for a commitment of, uh, this - - Magnitude really +// +// is the word I'm looking for. Magnitude- - Hey, that is unwanted +// +// physical contact. Hey, what are you doing? Okay, okay. Let's just back +// +// up a little and take this one step at a time. We really should get to +// +// know each other first as friends or pen pals. I'm on the road a lot, +// +// but I just love receiving cards - - I'd really love to stay, but - - +// +// Don't do that! That's my tail! That's my personal tail. You're gonna +// +// tear it off. I don't give permission - - What are you gonna do with +// +// that? Hey, now. No way. No! No! No, no! No. No, no, no. No! Oh! +// +// {Growls} +// +// {Roaring} +// +// {Gasps} +// +// -Hi, Princess! +// +// -It talks! +// +// -Yeah, it's getting him to shut up that's the trick. +// +// {Screams} +// +// {Screaming} +// +// -Oh! +// +// {Thuds} +// +// {Groans} +// +// {Roars} +// +// {Roaring} +// +// -Okay, you two, heard for the exit! I'll take care of the dragon. +// +// {Fchoing} +// +// -Run! +// +// {Gasping} +// +// {Screaming} +// +// {Roaring} +// +// {Screams} +// +// {Roars} +// +// {Panting, sighs} +// +// {Whimpers} +// +// {Roars} +// +// -You did it! +// +// -You rescued me! You're amazing. You're - - You're wonderful. +// +// You're... a little unorthodox I'll admit. But they deed is great, and +// +// thine heart is pure. I am eternally in your debt. +// +// {Clears throat} +// +// -And where would a brave knight be without his noble steed? +// +// -I hope you heard that. She called me a noble steed. She think I'm a +// +// steed. +// +// -The battle is won. You may remove your helmet, good Sir Knight. +// +// -Uh, no. +// +// -Why not? +// +// -I have helmet hair. +// +// -Please. I would'st look upon the face of my rescuer. +// +// -No, no, you wouldn't - - 'st. +// +// -But how will you kiss me? +// +// -What? That wasn't in the job description. +// +// -Maybe it's a perk. +// +// -No, it's destiny. Oh, you must know how it goes. A princess locked in +// +// a tower and beset by a dragon is rescued by a brave knight, and then +// +// they share true love's first kiss. +// +// -Hmm? With Shrek? You think- - Wait. Wait. You think that Shrek is you +// +// true love? +// +// -Well, yes. +// +// {Laughing} +// +// -You think Shrek is your true love! +// +// -What is so funny? +// +// -Let's just say I'm not your tipe, okay? +// +// -Of course, you are. You're my rescuer. Now - - Now remove your +// +// helmet. +// +// -Look. I really don't think this is a good idea. +// +// -Just take off the helmet. +// +// -I'm not going to. +// +// -Take ot off. +// +// -No! +// +// -Now! +// +// -Okay! Easy. As you command. Your Highness. +// +// -You- - You're a- - an orge. +// +// -Oh, you were expecting Prince Charming. +// +// -Well, yes, actually. Oh, no. This is all wrong. You're not supposed +// +// to be an orge. +// +// {Sighs} +// +// -Princess, I was sent to rescue you by Lord Farquaad, okay? He is the +// +// one who wants to marry you. +// +// -Then why didn't he come rescue me? +// +// -Good question. You should ask him that when we get there. +// +// -But I have to be rescued by my true love, not by some prge and his- - +// +// his pet. +// +// -So much for noble steed. +// +// -You're not making my job any easier. +// +// -I'm sorry, but your job is not my problem. You can tell Lord Farquaad +// +// that if he wants to rescue me properly, I'll be waiting for him right +// +// here. +// +// -Hey! I'm no one's messenger boy, all right? I'm a delivery boy. +// +// -You wouldn't dare. Put me down! +// +// -Ya comin', Donkey? +// +// -I'm right behind ya. +// +// -Put me down, or you will suffer the consequences! This is not +// +// dignified! Put me down! +// +// -Okay, so here's another question. Say there's a woman that digs you, +// +// right, but you don't really like her that way. How do you let her down +// +// real easy so her feelings aren't hurt, but you don't get burned to a +// +// crisp and eaten? +// +// -You just tell her she's not your true love. Everyone knowest what +// +// happens when you find your - - Hey! +// +// {Sighs} +// +// -The sooner we get to DuLoc the better. +// +// -You're gonna love it there, Princess. It's beautiful! +// +// -And what of my groom-to-be? Lord Farquaad? What's he like? +// +// -Let me put it this way, Princess. Men of Farquaad's stature are in +// +// short supply. +// +// {Laughs} +// +// -I don't know. There are those who think little of him. +// +// -Stop it. Stop it, both of you. You're just jealous you can never +// +// measure up to a great ruler like Lord Farquaad. +// +// -Yeah, well, maybe you're right, Princess. But I'll let you do the +// +// "measuring" when you see him tomorrow. +// +// -Tomorrow? It'll take that long? Shouldn't we stop to make camp? +// +// -No, that'll take longer. We can keep going. +// +// -But there's robbers in the woods. +// +// -Whoa! Time out, Shrek! Camping's starting to sound good. +// +// -Hey, come on. I'm scarier than anything we're going to see in this +// +// forest. +// +// -I need to find somewhere to camp now! +// +// {Birds wings fluttering} +// +// {Grunting} +// +// -Hey! Over here. +// +// -Shrek, we can do better than that. I don't think this is fit for a +// +// princess. +// +// -No, no, it's perfect. It just needs a few homey touches. +// +// -Homey touches? Like what? +// +// {Crashing} +// +// -A door? Well, gentlemen, I bid thee good night. +// +// -You want me to read you a bedtime story? I will. +// +// -I said good night! +// +// -Shrek, What are you doing? +// +// {Laughs} +// +// -I just- - You know - - Oh, come on. I was just kidding. +// +// {Fire cracking} +// +// -And, uh, that one, that's Throwback, the only orge to ever spit over +// +// three wheat fields. Right. Yeah. +// +// -Hey, can you tell my future from these stars? +// +// -The stars don't tell the future, Donkey. They tell stories. Look, +// +// there's Bloodnut, the Flatulent. You can guess what he's famous for. +// +// -I know you're making this up. +// +// -No, look. There he is, and there's the group of hunters running away +// +// from his stench. +// +// -That ain't nothin' but a bunch of little dots. +// +// -You know, Donkey, sometimes things are more than they appear. Hmm? +// +// Forget it. +// +// {Sighs} +// +// -Hey, Shrek, what we gonna do when we get our swamp anyway? +// +// -Our swamp? +// +// -You know, when we're through rescuing the princess. +// +// -We? Donkey, there's no "we". There's no "our". There's just me and my +// +// swamp. The first thing I'm gonna do is build a ten-foot wall arond my +// +// land. +// +// -You cut me deep, Shrek. You cut me real deep just now. You know what +// +// I think? I think this whole wall thing is just a way to keep somebody +// +// out. +// +// -No, do ya think? +// +// -Are you hidin' something? +// +// -Never mind, Donkey. +// +// -Oh, this is another one of those onion things, isn't it? +// +// -No, this is one of those drop-it and leave-it alone things. +// +// -Why don't you want to talk about it? +// +// -Why do you want to talk about it? +// +// -Why are you blocking? +// +// -I'm not blocking. +// +// -Oh, yes, you are. +// +// -Donkey, I'm warning you. +// +// -Who you trying to keep out? +// +// -Everyone! Okay? +// +// -Oh, now we're gettin' somewhere. +// +// -Oh! For the love of Pete! +// +// -What's your problem? What you got against the whole world anyway? +// +// -Look, I'm not the one with the problem, okay? It's the world that +// +// seems to have a problem with me. People take one look at me and go. +// +// "Aah! Help! Run! A big, stupid, ugly orge!" They judge me before they +// +// even know me. That's why I'm better off alone. +// +// -You know what? When we met, I didn't think you was just a big, +// +// stupid, ugly orge. +// +// -Yeah, I know. +// +// -So, uh, are there any donkeys up there? +// +// -Well, there's, um, Gabby, the Small and Annoying. +// +// -Okay, okay, I see it now. The big shiny one, right there. That one +// +// there? +// +// -That's the moon. +// +// -Oh, okay. +// +// +// +// {Orchestra} +// +// {Dulcimer} +// +// -Again, show me again. Mirror, mirror, show her to me. Show me the +// +// princess. +// +// -Hmph. +// +// -Ah. Perfect. +// +// {Inhales} +// +// +// +// {Snoring} +// +// {Vocalizing} +// +// {Whistling} +// +// {Sizzling} +// +// {Sniffs, yawns} +// +// -Mmm, yeah, you know I like it like that. +// +// --Come on, baby. I said I like it. +// +// -Donkey, wake up. +// +// -Huh? What? +// +// -Wake up. +// +// -What? +// +// -Good morning. Hm, how do you like your eggs? +// +// -Good morning, Princess! +// +// -What's all this about? +// +// -You know, we kind of got off to a bad start yesterday. I wanted to +// +// make it up to you. I mean, after all, you did rescue me. +// +// -Uh, thanks. +// +// {Sniffs} +// +// -Well, eat up. We've got a big day ahead of us. +// +// {Belches} +// +// -Shrek! +// +// -What? It's a compliment. Better out than in, I always say. {Laughs} +// +// -Well, it's no way to behave in front of a princess. +// +// {Belches} +// +// -Thanks. +// +// -She's as nasty as you are. +// +// -{Laughs} You know, you're not exactly what I expected. +// +// -Well, maybe you shouldn't judge people before you get to know them. +// +// {Vocalizing} +// +// +// +// -La liberte! Hey! +// +// -Princess! +// +// {Laughs} +// +// -What are you doing? +// +// -Be still, mon cherie, for I am you savior! And I am rescuing you from +// +// this green - - +// +// {Kissing sounds} +// +// -beast. +// +// -Hey! +// +// -That's my princess! Go find you own! +// +// -Please, monster! Can't you see I'm a little busy here? +// +// -Look, pal, I don't know who you think you are! +// +// -Oh! Of couse! Oh, how rude. Please let me introduse myself. Oh, Merry +// +// Men. +// +// {Laughs} +// +// +// +// {Accordion} +// +// Ta, dah, dah, dah, whoo. +// +// I steal from the rich and give to the needy. +// +// He takes a wee percentage, +// +// But I'm not greedy. I rescue pretty damsels +// +// Man, I'm good +// +// What a guy, Monsieur Hood +// +// Break it down +// +// I like an honest fight +// +// and a saucy little maid +// +// What he's basically saying +// +// is he likes to get - - +// +// Paid +// +// So +// +// When an orge in the bush +// +// grabs a lady by the tush +// +// That's bad +// +// That's bad +// +// When a beauty's with a beast +// +// it makes me awfully mad +// +// He's mad +// +// He's really, really mad +// +// I'll take my blade and +// +// ram it through your heart +// +// Keep your eyes on me, boys +// +// 'cause I'm about to start +// +// +// +// {Grunts, Groans} +// +// {Karate Yell} +// +// {Merry Men Gasping} +// +// {Panting} +// +// -Man, that was annoying! +// +// -Oh, you little- - +// +// {Karate Yell} +// +// {Accordion} +// +// {Shouting, groaning} +// +// {Chuckles} +// +// -Uh, shall we? +// +// -Hold the phone. +// +// {Grunts} +// +// Oh! Whoa, whoa, whoa. Hold on now. Where did that come from? +// +// -What? +// +// -That! Back there. That was amazing! Where did you learn that? +// +// -Well - - {Chuckles} When one lives alone, uh, one has to learn these +// +// things in case there's a - - There's an arrow in your butt! +// +// -What? Oh, would you look at that? +// +// -Oh, no. This is all my fault. I'm so sorry. +// +// -Why? What's wrong? +// +// -Shrek's hurt. +// +// -Shrek's hurt. Shrek's hurt? Oh, no, Shrek's gonna die. +// +// -Donkey, I'm okay. +// +// -You can't do this to me, Shrek. I'm too young for you to die. Keep +// +// you legs elevated. Turn your head and cough. Does anyone know the +// +// Heimlich? +// +// -Donkey! Calm down. If you want to help Shrek, run into the woods and +// +// find me a blue flower with red thorns. +// +// -Blue flower, red thorns. Okay, I'm on it. Blue flower, red thorns. +// +// Don't die Shrek. If you see a long tunnel, stay away from the light! +// +// -{Both} Donkey! +// +// -Oh, yeah. Right. Blue flower, red thorns. +// +// -What are the flowers for? +// +// -For getting rid of Donkey. +// +// -Ah. +// +// -Now you hold still, and I'll yank this thing out. +// +// -Ow! Hey! Easy with the yankin'. +// +// -I'm sorry, but it has to come out. +// +// -No, it's tender. +// +// -Now, hold on. +// +// -What you're doing is the opposite of help. +// +// -Don't move. +// +// -Look, time out. +// +// -Would you - - +// +// {Grunts} +// +// -Okay. What do you propose we do? +// +// -Blue flower, red thorns. Blue flower, red thorns. Blue flower, red +// +// thorns. This would be so much easier if I wasn't color-blind! Blue +// +// flower, red thorns. +// +// -Ow! +// +// -Hold on, Shrek! I'm comin'! +// +// -Ow! Not good. +// +// -Okay. Okay. I can nearly see the head. +// +// {Grunts} +// +// -It's just about - - +// +// -Ow! Ohh! +// +// -Ahem. +// +// -Nothing happend. We were just, uh - - +// +// -Look, if you wanted to be alone, all you had to do was ask. Okay? +// +// -Oh, come on! That's the last thing on my mind. The princess here was +// +// just- - Ugh! +// +// -Ow! +// +// -Hey, what's that? +// +// {Nervous chickle} +// +// -That's- - Is that blood? +// +// {Sighs} +// +// {Bird chirping} +// +// {Grunts} +// +// +// +// My beloved monster and me +// +// We go everywhere together +// +// Wearin' a raincoat +// +// that has four sleeves +// +// Gets us through all kinds of weather +// +// +// +// -Aah! +// +// +// +// She will always be the only thing +// +// That comes between me and the awful sting +// +// That comes from living in a world +// +// that's so damn mean +// +// {Croaks} +// +// Oh, oh-oh-oh-oh +// +// -Hey! +// +// La-la, la-la, la-la-la-la +// +// {Both laughing} +// +// La-la, la-la, la-la +// +// +// +// -There it is, Princess. Your future awaits you. +// +// -That's DuLoc? +// +// -Yeah, I know. You know, Shrek thinks Lord Farquaad's compensating for +// +// something, which I think means he has a really - - Ow! +// +// -Um, I, uh- - I guess we better move on. +// +// -Sure. But, Shrek? I'm - - I'm worried about Donkey. +// +// {Blubbering} +// +// -What? +// +// -I mean, look at him. He doesn't look so good. +// +// -What are you talking about? I'm fine. +// +// -That's what they always say, and then next thing you know, you're on +// +// your back. Dead. +// +// -You know, she's right. You look awful. Do you want to sit down? +// +// -Uh, you know, I'll make you some tea. +// +// -I didn't want to say nothin', but I got this twinge in my neck, and +// +// when I turn my head like this, look, +// +// {Bones crunch} +// +// -Ow! See? +// +// -Who's hungry? I'll find us some dinner. +// +// -I'll get the firewood. +// +// -Hey, where you goin'? Oh, man, I can't feel my toes! I don't have any +// +// toes! I think I need a hug. +// +// +// +// -Mmm. This is good. This is really good. What is this? +// +// -Uh, weedrat. Rotisserie style. +// +// -No kidding. Well, this is delicious. +// +// -Well, they're also great in stews. Now, I don't mean to brag, but I +// +// make a mean weedrat stew. +// +// {Chuckling} +// +// {Sighs} +// +// -I guess I'll be dining a little differently tomorrow night. +// +// {Gulps} +// +// -Maybe you can come visit me in the swamp sometime. I'll cook all kind +// +// of stuff for you. Swamp toad soup, fish eye tartare - - you name it. +// +// {Chuckles} +// +// -I'd like that. +// +// {Slurps, laughs} +// +// +// +// See the pyramids along the Nile +// +// +// +// -Um, Princess? +// +// +// +// Watch the sunrise from a tropic isle +// +// +// +// -Yes, Shrek? +// +// -I, um, I was wondering. +// +// +// +// Just remember, darling all the while +// +// +// +// -Are you- - +// +// +// +// You belong to me +// +// +// +// {Sighs} +// +// -Are you gonna eat that? +// +// {Chuckles} +// +// -Man, isn't this romantic? Just look at that sunset. +// +// -Sunset? +// +// -Oh, no! I mean, it's late. I-It's very late. +// +// -What? +// +// -Wait a minute. I see what's goin' on here. You're afraid of the dark, +// +// aren't you? +// +// -Yes! Yes, that's it. I'm terrified. You know, I'd better go inside. +// +// -Don't feel bad, Princess. I used to be afraid of the dark, too, until +// +// - - Hey, no, wait. I'm still afraid of the dark. +// +// {Shrek sighs} +// +// -Good night. +// +// -Good night. +// +// {Door creaks} +// +// -Ohh! Now I really see what's goin' on here. +// +// -Oh, what are you talkin' about? +// +// -I don't even wanna hear it. Look, I'm an animal, and I got instincts. +// +// And I know you two were diggin' on each other. I could feel it. +// +// -You're crazy. I'm just bringing her back to Farquaad. +// +// -Oh, come on, Shrek. Wake up and smell the pheromones. Just go on in +// +// and tell her how you feel. +// +// -I- - There's nothing to tell. Besides, even if I did tell her that, +// +// well, you know - - and I'm not sayin' I do 'cause I don't - - she's a +// +// princess, and I'm - - +// +// -An orge? +// +// -Yeah. An orge. +// +// -Hey, where you goin'? +// +// -To get... move firewood. +// +// {Sighs} +// +// +// +// -Princess? Princess Fiona? Princess, where are you? +// +// {Wings fluttering} +// +// -Princess? +// +// {Creaking} +// +// {Gasps} +// +// -It's very spooky in here. I ain't playing no games. +// +// {Screams} +// +// -Aah! +// +// -Oh, no! +// +// -No, help! +// +// -Shh! +// +// -Shrek! Shrek! Shrek! +// +// -No, it's okay. It's okay. +// +// -What did you do with the princess? +// +// -Donkey, I'm the princess. +// +// -Aah! +// +// -It's me, in this body. +// +// -Oh, my God! You ate the princess. Can you hear me? +// +// -Donkey! +// +// -Listen, keep breathing! I'll get you out of there! +// +// -No! +// +// -Shrek! Shrek! Shrek! +// +// -Shh. +// +// -Shrek! +// +// -This is me. +// +// {Muffled mumbling} +// +// -Princess? What happened to you? You're, uh, uh, uh, different. +// +// -I'm ugly, okay? +// +// -Well, yeah! Was it something you ate? 'Cause I told Shrek those rats +// +// was a bad idea. You are what you eat, I said. Now - - +// +// -No. +// +// -I - - I've been this way as long as I can remember. +// +// -What do you mean? Look, I ain't never seen you like this before. +// +// -It's only happens when sun goes down. +// +// "By night one way, by day another. This shall be the norm... until you +// +// find true love's first kiss... and then take love's true form." +// +// -Ah, that's beautiful. I didn't know you wrote poetry. +// +// -It's a spell. +// +// {Sighs} +// +// -When I was a little girl, a witch cast a spell on me. Every night I +// +// become this. This horrible, ugly beast! I was placed in a tower to +// +// await the day my true love would rescue me. That's why I have to marry +// +// Lord Farquaad tomorrow before the sun sets and he sees me like this. +// +// {Sobs} +// +// -All right, all right. Calm down. Look, it's not that bad. You're not +// +// that ugly. Well, I ain't gonna lie. You are ugly. But you only look +// +// like this at night. Shrek's ugly 24-7. +// +// -But Donkey, I'm a princess, and this is not how a princess is meant +// +// to look. +// +// -Princess, how 'bout if you don't marry Farquaad? +// +// -I have to. Only my true love's kiss can break the spell. +// +// -But, you know, um, you're kind of an orge, and Shrek - - well, you +// +// got a lot in common. +// +// -Shrek? +// +// +// +// -Princess, I - - Uh, how's it going, first of all? Good? Um, good for +// +// me too. I'm okay. I saw this flower and thought of you because it's +// +// pretty and - - well, I don't really like it, but I thought you might +// +// like it 'cause you're pretty. But I like you anyway. I'd - - uh, uh - +// +// - +// +// {Sighs} +// +// -I'm in trouble. Okay, here we go. +// +// -I can't just marry whoever I want. Take a good look at me, Donkey. I +// +// mean, really, who can ever love a beast so hideous and ugly? +// +// "Princess" and "ugly" don't go together. That's why I can't stay here +// +// with Shrek. +// +// {Gasps} +// +// -My only chance to live happily ever after is to marry my true love. +// +// {Deep sigh} +// +// -Don't you see, Donkey? That's just how it has to be. It's the only +// +// way to break the spell. +// +// -You at least gotta tell Shrek the truth. +// +// -No! You can't breathe a word. No one must ever know. +// +// -What's the point of being able to talk if you gotta keep secrets? +// +// -Promise you won't tell. Promise! +// +// -All right, all right. I won't tell him. But you should. I just know +// +// before this is over, I'm gonna need a whole lot of serious therapy. +// +// -Look at my eye twitchin'. +// +// {Door opens} +// +// {Snoring} +// +// -I tell him, I tell him not. I tell him, I tell him not. I tell him. +// +// -Shrek! Shrek, there's something I want - - +// +// {Snoring} +// +// -Shrek. Are you all right? +// +// -Perfect! Never been better. +// +// -I - - I don't - - There's something I have to tell you. +// +// -You don't have to tell me anything, Princess. I heard enough last +// +// night. +// +// -You heard what I said? +// +// -Every word. +// +// -I thought you'd understand. +// +// -Oh, I undersatnd. Like you said, "Who could love a hideous, ugly +// +// beast?" +// +// -But I thought that wouldn't matter to you. +// +// -Yeah? Well, it does. +// +// {Gasps, sighs} +// +// -Ah, right on time. +// +// {Horse whinnies} +// +// -Princess, I've brought you a little something. +// +// {Fanfare} +// +// {Yawns} +// +// -What'd I miss? What'd I miss? +// +// {Muffled} +// +// -Who said that? Couldn't have been a donkey. +// +// -Princess Fiona. +// +// -As promised. Now hand it over. +// +// -Very well, orge. The deed to your swamp, cleared out, as agreed. +// +// -Take it and go before I change my mind. +// +// -Forgive me, Princess, for startling you, but you startled me, for I +// +// have never seen such a radiant beauty before. I'm Lord Farquaad. +// +// -Lord Farquaad? Oh, no, no. +// +// {Snaps fingers} +// +// -Forgive me, my lord, for I was just saying a short... farewell. +// +// -Oh, that is so sweet. You don't have to waste good manners on the +// +// orge. It's not like it has feelings. +// +// -No, you're right. It doesn't. +// +// -Princess Fiona, beautiful, fair, flawerss Fiona. I ask your hand in +// +// marriage. +// +// {Gasps} +// +// -Will you be the perfect bride for the perfect groom? +// +// -Lord Farquaad, I accept. Nothing would make - - +// +// -Excellent! I'll start the plans, for tomorrow we wed! +// +// -No! I mean, uh, why wait? Let's get married today before the sun +// +// sets. +// +// -Oh, anxious, are you? You're right. The sooner, the better. There's +// +// so much to do! Threre's the caterer, the cake, the band, the guest +// +// list. Captain, round up some guests! +// +// -Fare-thee-well, orge. +// +// -Shrek, what are you doing? You're letting her get away. +// +// -Yeah? So what? +// +// -Shrek, there's something about her you don't know. Look, I talked to +// +// her last night, She's - - +// +// -I know you talked to her last night. You're great pals, aren't ya? +// +// Now, if you two are such good friends, why don't you follow her home? +// +// -Shrek, I - - I wanna go with you. +// +// -I told you, didn't I? You're not coming home with me. I live alone! +// +// My swamp! Me! Nobody else! Understand? Nobody! Especially useless, +// +// pathetic, annoying, talking donkeys! +// +// -But I thought - - +// +// -Yeah. You know what? You tought wrong! +// +// -Shrek. +// +// +// +// I heard there was a secret chord +// +// That David played and it pleased the Lord +// +// But you don't really care for music, do ya +// +// It goes like this the fourth, the fifth +// +// The minor fall the major lift +// +// The baffled king composing hallelujah +// +// Hallelujah, hallelujah +// +// Baby, I've been here before +// +// I know this room I've walked this floor +// +// I used to live alone before I knew you +// +// I've seen your flag on the marble arch +// +// But love is not a victory march +// +// It's a cold and it's a broken hallelujah +// +// Hallelujah, hallelujah +// +// And all I ever learned from love +// +// Is how to shoot at someone +// +// Who outdrew you +// +// {Moaning} +// +// And it's not a cry you can hear at night +// +// It's not somebody who's seen the light +// +// It's a cold and it's a broken hallelujah +// +// {Moaning} +// +// Hallelujah, hallelujah +// +// +// +// {Thumping sound} +// +// -Donkey? +// +// {Grunts} +// +// -What are you doing? +// +// -I would think, of all people, you would recognize a wall when you see +// +// one. +// +// -Well, yeah. But the wall's supposed to go around my swamp, not +// +// through it. +// +// -It is around your half. See that's your half, and this is my half. +// +// -Oh! Your half. Hmm. +// +// -Yes, my half. I helped rescue the princess. I did half the work. I +// +// get half the booty. Now hand me that big old rock, the one that looks +// +// like your head. +// +// -Back off! +// +// -No, you back off. +// +// -This is my swamp! +// +// -Our swamp. +// +// -Let go, Donkey! +// +// -You let go. +// +// -Stubborn jackass! +// +// -Smelly orge. +// +// -Fine! +// +// -Hey, hey, come back here. I'm not through with you yet. +// +// -Well, I'm through with you. +// +// -Uh-uh. You know, with you it's always, "Me, me, me!" Well, guess +// +// what! Now it's my turn! So you just shut up and pay attention! You are +// +// mean to me. You insult me and you don't appreciate anything that I do! +// +// You're always pushing me around or pushing me away. +// +// -Oh, yeah? Well, if I treated you so bad, how come you came back? +// +// -Because that's what friends do! They forgive each other! +// +// -Oh, yeah. You're right, Donkey. I forgive you... for stabbin' me in +// +// the back! +// +// -Ohh! You're so wrapped up in layers, onion boy, you're afraid of your +// +// own feelings. +// +// -Go away! +// +// -There you are , doing it again just like you did to Fiona. All she +// +// ever do was like you, maybe even love you. +// +// -Love me? She said I was ugly, a hideous creature. I heard the two of +// +// you talking. +// +// -She wasn't talkin' about you. She was talkin' about, uh, somebody +// +// else. +// +// -She wasn't talking about me? Well, then who was she talking about? +// +// -Uh-uh, no way. I ain't saying anything. You don't wanna listen to me. +// +// Right? Right? +// +// -Donkey! +// +// -No! +// +// -Okay, look. I'm sorry, all right? +// +// {Sighs} +// +// -I'm sorry. I guess I am just a big, stupid, ugly orge. Can you +// +// forgive me? +// +// -Hey, that's what friends are for, right? +// +// -Right. Friends? +// +// -Friends. +// +// -So, um, what did Fiona say about me? +// +// -What are you asking me for? Why don't you just go ask her? +// +// -The wedding! We'll never make it in time. +// +// -Ha-ha-ha! Never fear, for where, there's a will, there's a way and I +// +// have a way. +// +// {Whistles} +// +// -Donkey? +// +// -I guess it's just my animal magnetism. +// +// {Laughing} +// +// -Aw, come here, you. +// +// -All right, all right.Don't get all slobbery. No one likes a kiss ass. +// +// All right, hop on and hold on tight. I haven't had a chance to install +// +// the seat belts yet. +// +// -Whoo! +// +// {Bells tolling} +// +// {All gasping} +// +// -People of DuLoc, we gather here today to bear witnss to the union.... +// +// -Um- +// +// -of our new king - - +// +// -Excuse me. Could we just skip ahead to the "I do's"? +// +// {Chuckling} +// +// -Go on. +// +// -Go ahead, HAVE SOME FUN. If we need you, I'll whistle. How about +// +// that? Shrek, wait, wait! Wait a minute! You wanna do this right, don't +// +// you? +// +// -What are you talking about? +// +// -There's a line you gotta wait for. The preacher's gonna say, "Speak +// +// now or forever hold your peace." That's when you say, "I object!" +// +// -I don't have time for this! +// +// -Hey, wait. What are you doing? Listen to me! Look, you love this +// +// woman, don't you? +// +// -Yes. +// +// -You wanna hold her? +// +// -Yes. +// +// -Please her? +// +// -Yes! +// +// -Then you got to, got to try a little tenderness. The chicks love that +// +// romantic crap! +// +// -All right! Cut it out. When does this guy say the line? +// +// -We gotta check it out. +// +// +// +// -And so, by the power vested in me, +// +// -What do you see? +// +// -The whole town's in there. +// +// -I now pronounce you husband and wife, +// +// -They're at the altar. +// +// -king and queen. +// +// -Mother Fletcher! He already said it. +// +// -Oh, for the love of Pete! +// +// {Grunts} +// +// -I object! +// +// -Shrek? +// +// {Gasps} +// +// -Oh, now what does he want? +// +// -Hi, everyone. Havin' a good time, are ya? I love DuLoc, first at all. +// +// Very clean. +// +// -What are you doing here? +// +// -Really, it's rude enough being alive when no one wants you, but +// +// showing up uninvited to a wedding - - +// +// -Fiona! I need to talk to you. +// +// -Oh, now you wanna talk? It's a little late for that, so if you'll +// +// excuse me - - +// +// -But you can't marry him. +// +// -And why not? +// +// -Because- - Because he's just marring you so he can be king. +// +// -Outrageous! Fiona, don't listen to him. +// +// -He's not your true love. +// +// -And what do you know about true love? +// +// -Well, I - - Uh - - I mean - - +// +// -Oh, this is precious. The orge has fallen in love with the princess! +// +// Oh, good Lord. +// +// {Crowd laughting} +// +// -An orge and a princess! +// +// -Shrek, is this true? +// +// -Who cares? It's preposterous! Fiona, my love, we're but a kiss away +// +// from our "happily ever after." Now kiss me! Mmmmm! +// +// -"By night one way, by day another." I wanted to show you before. +// +// {Whimpers} +// +// {Crown gasping} +// +// -Well, uh, that explains a lot. +// +// -Ugh! It's disgusting! Guards! Guards! I order you to get that out of +// +// my sight now! Get them! Get them both! +// +// -No, no! +// +// -Shrek! +// +// -This hocus-pocus alters nothing. This marriage is binding, and that +// +// makes me king! See? See? +// +// -No, let go of me! Shrek! +// +// -No! +// +// -Don't just stand there, you morons. +// +// -Get out of my way! Fiona! Arrgh! +// +// -I'll make you regret the day we met. I'll see you drawn and +// +// quartered! +// +// -You'll beg for death to save you! +// +// -No, Shrek! +// +// -And as for you, my wife, +// +// -Fiona! +// +// -I'll have you locked back in that tower for the rest of your days! +// +// -I'm king! +// +// {Whistles} +// +// -I will have order! I will have perfection! I will have - - Aaaah! +// +// -Aah! +// +// -All right. Nobody move. I got a dragon here, and I'm not afraid to +// +// use it. +// +// {Roars} +// +// -I'm a donkey on the edge! +// +// {Belches} +// +// -Celebrity marriages. They never last, do they? +// +// {Cheering} +// +// -Go ahead, Shrek. +// +// -Uh, Fiona? +// +// -Yes, Shrek? +// +// -I - - I love you. +// +// -Really? +// +// -Really, really. +// +// - I love you too. +// +// -Aawww! +// +// -"Until you find true love's first kiss and then take love's true +// +// form." +// +// -"Take love's true form. Take love's true form." +// +// -Fiona? Fiona. Are you all right? +// +// -Well, yes. But I don't understand. I'm supposed to be beautiful. +// +// -But you ARE beautiful. +// +// {Chuckles} +// +// -I was hoping this would be a happy ending. +// +// +// +// I thought love was only true in fairy tales +// +// Oy! +// +// Meant for someone else but not for me +// +// Love was out to get me +// +// That's the way it seemed +// +// Disappointment haunted all my dreams +// +// And then I saw her face +// +// Now I'm a believer and not a trace +// +// Of doubt in my mind +// +// I'm in love +// +// Ooh-aah +// +// I'm a believer I couldn't leave her +// +// If I tried +// +// +// +// -God bless us, every one. +// +// +// +// Come on, y'all! +// +// Then I saw her face +// +// Ha-ha +// +// Now I'm a believer +// +// Listen! +// +// Not a trace +// +// Of doubt in my mind +// +// I'm in love +// +// Ooh-aah +// +// I'm a believer +// +// I couldn't leave her if I tried +// +// -Ooh! +// +// -Uh! +// +// Then I saw her face +// +// Now I'm a believer +// +// Hey! +// +// Not a trace +// +// Uhh! Yeah. +// +// Of doubt in my mind +// +// +// +// -One more time! +// +// I'm in love +// +// I'm a believer +// +// Come on! +// +// I believe, I believe, I believe, I believe, +// +// I believe, I believe, I believe, I believe, I believe, hey +// +// Y'all sing it with me! +// +// I +// +// Believe +// +// I believe +// +// People in the back! +// +// I believe +// +// I'm a believer +// +// I believe +// +// I believe +// +// I believe +// +// I believe +// +// {Hysterical laughing} +// +// -Oh, that's funny. Oh. Oh. +// +// -I can't breathe. I can't breathe. +// +// +// +// I believe in self-assertion +// +// Destiny or a slight diversion +// +// Now it seems I've got my head on straight +// +// I'm a freak an apparition +// +// Seems I've made the right decision +// +// To try to turn back now it might be too late +// +// +// +// Now I want to stay home today +// +// Don't wanna go out +// +// If anyone comes to play +// +// Gonna get thrown out +// +// I wanna stay home today +// +// Don't want no company +// +// No way +// +// Yeah, yeah, yeah +// +// +// +// I wanna be a millionaire someday +// +// But know what it feels like to give it away +// +// Watch me march to the beat of my own drum +// +// And it's off to the moon and then back again +// +// Same old day Same situation +// +// My happiness rears back as if to say +// +// +// +// I wanna stay home today +// +// Don't wanna go out +// +// If anyone comes to play +// +// Gonna get thrown out +// +// I wanna stay home today +// +// Don't want no company +// +// No way +// +// Yeah, yeah, yeah +// +// +// +// I wanna stay home, stay home, stay home......... +// +// +// +// +// +// I get such a thrill when you look in my eyes +// +// My heart skips a beat +// +// Girl, I feel so alive +// +// Please tell me, baby, if all this is true +// +// 'Cause deep down inside all I wanted was you +// +// Oh-oh-oh +// +// Makes me wanna dance +// +// Oh-oh-oh +// +// It's a new romance +// +// Oh-oh-oh +// +// I look into your eyes +// +// Oh-oh-oh +// +// The best years of our lives +// +// When we first met +// +// I could hardly believe +// +// The things that would happen +// +// and we could achieve +// +// So let's be together +// +// for all of our time +// +// Oh, girl, I'm so thankful +// +// that you are still mine +// +// You always consider me +// +// like an ugly duckling +// +// And treat me like a Nostradamus +// +// was why I had to get my shine on +// +// I break a little something +// +// to keep my mind on +// +// 'Cause you had my mind gone +// +// Eh-eh, eh-eh, eh-eh +// +// Turn the lights on, Come on, baby +// +// Let's just rewind the song +// +// 'Cause all I want to do is +// +// make the rest years the best years +// +// All night long +// +// +// +// Oh-oh-oh +// +// Makes me wanna dance +// +// Makes me wanna dance +// +// Oh-oh-oh +// +// It's a new romance +// +// It's a new romance +// +// Oh-oh-oh +// +// I look into your eyes +// +// Oh, yeah, yeah +// +// I look into your eyes +// +// Oh-oh-oh +// +// The best years of our lives +// +// Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.............. +// +// +// +// +// +// Everything looks bright +// +// Standing in your light +// +// Everything feels right +// +// What's left is out of sight +// +// What's a girl to do +// +// I'm telling you +// +// You're on my mind +// +// I wanna be with you +// +// 'Cause when you're +// +// standin' next to me +// +// It's like wow +// +// And all your kisses +// +// seem to set me free +// +// It's like wow +// +// And when we touch +// +// it's such a rush +// +// I can't get enough +// +// It's like- - It's like +// +// Ooh-ooh +// +// Hey, what +// +// It's like wow +// +// Ooh-ooh, hey +// +// Hey, yeah +// +// It's like wow +// +// Everything is looking +// +// right now, right now +// +// It's like wow +// +// And I got this feeling +// +// This feeling +// +// it's just like wow +// +// It's just like wow +// +// You are all I'm thinking of. +// +// Like wow +// +// Everything feels right +// +// Everything feels right +// +// Like wow +// +// Everything looks bright +// +// All my senses are right +// +// Like wow +// +// Everything feels right +// +// Baby, baby, baby +// +// the way I'm feeling you +// +// Is like wow +// +// +// +// There is something +// +// that I see +// +// In the way +// +// you look at me +// +// There's a smile +// +// There's a truth +// +// In your eyes +// +// What an unexpected way +// +// On this unexpected day +// +// Could it be +// +// This is where I belong +// +// It is you I have loved +// +// All long +// +// There's no more mystery +// +// It is finally clear to me +// +// You're the home +// +// my heart's searched for +// +// So long +// +// It is you I have loved +// +// All long +// +// Whoa, over and over +// +// I'm filled with emotion +// +// As I look +// +// Into your perfect face } // swiftlint:enable file_length