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<title>Architecture awards and relationships </title>
<p>
The book “<a href="http://www.amazon.com/dp/0140139966?tag=cdbaby">How Buildings Learn: What Happens After They're Built</a>” explains how <strong>architecture awards</strong> judge the building on how it looks before the people move in, forgetting the importance of that building's ability to adapt and grow with the needs of the people inside.
</p><p>
As evidence, it describes some award-winning buildings that are resented by the people that now live and work there, since the building cannot be changed at all.
</p><p>
On the other hand, the buildings that residents love most are not award-winning, but are wonderfully flexible. A comfortable place where people can build an addition, knock down a wall, and constantly make it their own over time.
</p><p>
Instead of architecture as a sculpture to be untouchably revered, it's a reminder that it's built for real people who change, and need the place they live or work to adapt with them.
</p><p>
Move-in day should not be the happiest day. The residents should be happier and happier with their place as time goes on.
</p><p>
Kind of like relationships.
</p><p>
<strong>In the romantic pursuit of finding a soul-mate, we often judge people like the architecture awards.</strong>
</p><p>
We expect them to be perfect on day one - expecting all of their opinions, habits, and circumstances to be magically formed to our taste <strong>before</strong> the day we meet!
</p><p>
We forget that a great relationship is all about adaptability as you both change and grow together.
</p><p>
That the day you meet (or marry) is not the happiest day. That you get even happier together as time goes on.
</p><p>
It took me 25 years to figure out that <strong>a great relationship is not something you find. It's something you (both) make.</strong>
</p><p>
And with that in mind, Saj and I are getting married today.
</p>
<img src="http://sivers.org/images/saj-bday.jpg" width="447" height="400" alt="Saj and Derek" /><br />
<img src="http://sivers.org/images/saj-photobooth-1.jpg" width="143" height="600" alt="Saj and Derek" />&nbsp;
<img src="http://sivers.org/images/saj-photobooth-2.jpg" width="141" height="600" alt="Saj and Derek" />
<br /><img src="http://sivers.org/images/saj-gol.jpg" width="450" height="338" alt="Saj and Derek" />
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