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@sebpearce
sebpearce committed Apr 8, 2014
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4 changes: 4 additions & 0 deletions README.md
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New Age Bullshit Generator
==========================

Does what it says on the box :)
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124 changes: 124 additions & 0 deletions index.html
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<title>New-Age Bullshit Generator</title>

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<div class="topbar">
<button>Reionize electrons</button>
</div>

<div class="master">

<h1>New Age Bullshit Generator</h1>

<h2>Namaste. Do you want to sell a New Age product and/or service? Tired of coming up with meaningless copy for your starry-eyed customers? Want to join the ranks of bestselling self-help authors? We can help.</h2>

<h3>Just click and the truth will manifest</h3>

<p>Click the <em>Reionize electrons</em> button at the top of the page to generate a full page of New Age poppycock.</p>

<img src="http://placeimg.com/640/480/nature" />

<p>The inspiration for this project came from watching philosophy debates (such as <a href="http://youtu.be/0E99BdOfxAE">this</a> and <a href="http://youtu.be/f4c_CrQzUGw?t=14m5s">this</a>) in which Deepak Chopra was a participant.</p>

<p>After sitting through hours of New Age rhetoric, I decided to have a crack at writing code to generate it automatically and speed things up a bit. I cobbled together a list of New Age buzzwords and cliché sentence patterns and this is the result.</p>

<blockquote>
You’ll get some profound-sounding nonsense here, too.
</blockquote>

<p>So, what is this for? Put it on your website as placeholder text. Print it out as a speech for your yoga class and see if anyone can guess a computer wrote it. Use it to write the hottest new bestseller in the self-help section, or give false hope to depressed friends and family members.</p>

<p>(If you haven’t seen it, check out <a href="http://www.wisdomofchopra.com/">wisdomofchopra.com</a> &mdash; unfortunately they beat me to it! I came across that page a few days after I’d finished the vocabulary list for this one. Must be synchronicity at work.)</p>

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<script src="http://code.jquery.com/jquery-latest.min.js"></script>
<script src="vocab.js"></script>
<script src="patterns.js"></script>
<script src="main.js"></script>

</body>

</html>
261 changes: 261 additions & 0 deletions main.js
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// http://james.padolsey.com/javascript/deep-copying-of-objects-and-arrays/
function deepCopy(obj) {
if (Object.prototype.toString.call(obj) === '[object Array]') {
var out = [], i = 0, len = obj.length;
for ( ; i < len; i++ ) {
out[i] = arguments.callee(obj[i]);
}
return out;
}
if (typeof obj === 'object') {
var out = {}, i;
for ( i in obj ) {
out[i] = arguments.callee(obj[i]);
}
return out;
}
return obj;
}

function removeSentence(topic, element) {

if (element > -1) {
sentencePatternsClone[topic].splice(element, 1);
}

}

function capitalizeFirstLetter(string) {
return string.charAt(0).toUpperCase() + string.slice(1);
}

function randomInt(max) {
return Math.floor(Math.random()*(max+1));
}


function retrieveRandomWordOfType(type) {

// find how long the array of words is for given type
var max = type.length - 1;

// get a random number to represent a word in the array
var rand = randomInt(max);

var result = type[rand];

// type.splice(rand,1);
// console.log(type);

return result;

}

function generateSentence(topic) {

var length = sentencePatternsClone[topic].length;

// generate random sentence pattern
var patternNumber = randomInt(length - 1);

// console.log('sentencePatternsClone[' + topic + '].length = ' + (patternNumber+1));

var pattern = sentencePatternsClone[topic][patternNumber];


if (typeof pattern == 'undefined') {
console.log('ran out.');
return ":( ";
}

var pattern = pattern.replace(/([\.,;\?])/g,' $1');
var pattern = pattern.split(' ');

// remove the pattern from the sentence array so it isn't re-used
removeSentence(topic, patternNumber);

// console.log('sentencePatternsClone.length is now ' + sentencePatternsClone.length);
if (sentencePatternsClone[topic].length == 0) {
sentencePatternsClone.splice(topic, 1);
// console.log('topic removed!');
// console.log('sentencePatternsClone.length is now ' + sentencePatternsClone.length);
}

var result = "";

for (var x in pattern) {

/*
nCosmos
nPerson
nPersonPlural
nMass
nMassBad
nPath
nOf
ing
adj
adjBig
adjWith
adjPrefix
vtMass
vtPerson
vtDestroy
viPerson
nTheXOf
ppPerson
ppThingPrep
fixedAdvP
fixedNP
*/


switch (pattern[x]) {
case 'nCosmos': result += retrieveRandomWordOfType(nCosmos);
break;
case 'nPerson': result += retrieveRandomWordOfType(nPerson);
break;
case 'nPersonPlural': result += retrieveRandomWordOfType(nPersonPlural);
break;
case 'nMass': result += retrieveRandomWordOfType(nMass);
break;
case 'nMassBad': result += retrieveRandomWordOfType(nMassBad);
break;
case 'nPath': result += retrieveRandomWordOfType(nPath);
break;
case 'nOurPlural': result += retrieveRandomWordOfType(nOurPlural);
break;
case 'nOf': result += retrieveRandomWordOfType(nOf);
break;
case 'ing': result += retrieveRandomWordOfType(ing);
break;
case 'adj': result += retrieveRandomWordOfType(adj);
break;
case 'adjBig': result += retrieveRandomWordOfType(adjBig);
break;
case 'adjWith': result += retrieveRandomWordOfType(adjWith);
break;
case 'adjPrefix': result += retrieveRandomWordOfType(adjPrefix);
break;
case 'vtMass': result += retrieveRandomWordOfType(vtMass);
break;
case 'vtPerson': result += retrieveRandomWordOfType(vtPerson);
break;
case 'vtDestroy': result += retrieveRandomWordOfType(vtDestroy);
break;
case 'viPerson': result += retrieveRandomWordOfType(viPerson);
break;
case 'nTheXOf': result += retrieveRandomWordOfType(nTheXOf);
break;
case 'ppPerson': result += retrieveRandomWordOfType(ppPerson);
break;
case 'ppThingPrep': result += retrieveRandomWordOfType(ppThingPrep);
break;
case 'fixedAdvP': result += retrieveRandomWordOfType(fixedAdvP);
break;
case 'fixedAdvPPlace': result += retrieveRandomWordOfType(fixedAdvPPlace);
break;
case 'fixedNP': result += retrieveRandomWordOfType(fixedNP);
break;
case 'nSubject': result += retrieveRandomWordOfType(nSubject);
break;
case 'vOpenUp': result += retrieveRandomWordOfType(vOpenUp);
break;
case 'vTraverse': result += retrieveRandomWordOfType(vTraverse);
break;
default: result += pattern[x];
}

result += ' ';
// console.log(result);
}

result = result.trim();
result = capitalizeFirstLetter(result);

if (result.charAt(result.length-1) != '?') {
result += '. ';
} else {
result += ' ';
}

// remove spaces before commas/periods/semicolons
result = result.replace(/ ([,\.;\?])/g,'$1');

return result;
}

function generateText(numberOfSentences, sentenceTopic) {

var fullText = "";

for (var i = 0; i < numberOfSentences; i++) {

fullText += generateSentence(sentenceTopic);

// in case the topic got deleted
if (typeof sentencePatternsClone[sentenceTopic] == 'undefined') {
sentenceTopic = randomInt(sentencePatternsClone.length - 1);
// console.log('topic reset to ' + sentenceTopic);
}

}

// replace 'a [vowel]' with 'an [vowel]'
// I added a \W before the [Aa] because one time I got
// "Dogman is the antithesis of knowledge" :)
fullText = fullText.replace(/(^|\W)([Aa]) ([aeiou])/g,'$1$2n $3');

// take care of prefixes (delete the space after the hyphen)
fullText = fullText.replace(/- /g,'-');

return fullText;

}

$('.topbar button').click(function(){

sentencePatternsClone = deepCopy(sentencePatterns);

// generate random topic
var sentenceTopic = 0;

$('h1').text(generateText(1, sentenceTopic));

$('h2').text(generateText(2, sentenceTopic));

sentenceTopic = randomInt(sentencePatternsClone.length - 2);

$('h3').text(generateText(1, sentenceTopic));


$('p').each(function( i ) {
sentenceTopic = randomInt(sentencePatternsClone.length - 1);
$(this).text(generateText(3, sentenceTopic));
});

sentenceTopic = randomInt(sentencePatternsClone.length - 1);

$('blockquote').text(generateText(1, sentenceTopic));

// change image
$('img').hide();
$('img').attr('src', 'http://placeimg.com/640/480/nature');
$('img').fadeIn(400);


});


$(document).ready(function() {



});






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