I think my eating disorder is the only thing keeping me alive right now
What makes you think your eating disorder is what's keeping you alive?
I don't know for sure, but my friend agrees.
By nature, an eating disorder is something that is bad. I think it would be good if you got treatment for whatever is causing your disorder.
But it makes me feel so good about myself.
You might feel good now, but if you let it continue then it might do real damage to your health. It would be best if you talked to a professional about getting help with your eating disorder, before something really bad happens.