I'm going to indirectly hurt my wife before sexy time
Is this is something you are doing to harm her or is it consensual BDSM?
Yes. I just found out that she has been cheating on me for ages with some old guy
Couples are expected to be faithful to one another. Although you may feel betrayed, it's not okay to hurt a partner in return. You'll just drive her further into the arms of her other man.
Oh but it's so much more fun to say fuck you. I'm challenging her to a game of chicken.
There are better ways to handle this that do not involve hurting your wife. This is spousal abuse and illegal, I suggest talking with your wife about her behavior.