I think I drink because I hate myself
Why do you hate yourself?
I just don't know what I am doing most of the time and I am constantly making mistakes in my life.
Please don't hate yourself. You have to trust in your own self-worth. Hating yourself will destroy you, so talk to someone about what you are feeling.
Nah. I'll do as I please.
Drinking away your problems and engaging in self-hatred is not a good way to show yourself self-care. With the deep-seated issues you are showing, you should find a professional that can help you with your lack of self-respect and dignity.