I wish I was dead
Why do you wish you were dead?
I live in a country, where it's rare to get help even if you're an artist.
Sometimes it is difficult to accomplish your dreams but it is not good to be negative about it. It will make getting your dream done harder.
I don't think it's worth it to try to live a good life.
But you are giving up if you die with no chance to turn it back.  Why not try to change things for yourself?  You may possible help others too.