My wife has a tumor on her eye, which sucks. Because now I'm not the one giving her a black eye.
Are you joking about beating your wife?
WELL, IT'S MY PRIVATE MATTER, I CAN SAY WHATEVER THE FUCK I WANT ABOUT HER, SHE IS MY PERSONAL PROPERTY AFTER ALL!
Yeah, women aren't the property of anyone, not even their parents. Your jokes are inappropriate as is your views on women.