I'm tired of my spouse's depression and identity crisis
How often is your spouse down on themselves?
I have to learn about this all the time
I see your point, but you should always support your partner when they are down. They could get even more depressed if you don't.
I don't know how to support her, I don't understand her. What if I wind up hating her? I still love her, but I can't handle it anymore.
Your partner needs you more than ever now, try to be there for her. Talk with her or just listen to her problems. Getting through such tribulations will only strengthen your connection.