I told him my son was beautiful and perfect and I would love him
Have you sacrificed a lot for your son?
I did to convince him he was worth the effort
It is good to tell a child you love them and to proof it by doing things that will make their lives better. It will raise a child that will become a good person as an adult.
I'm going to mess it up. I think it's horrible plan.
Parenting can be tough so its understandable to be worried about how you're doing. It's better to question how you're doing though so you can know what shortcomings you have and improve in those areas. That way you can be a better parent.