Do I really have to come out? Secretly I wish I could just get cancer and hide it.
You want cancer to avoid coming out?
Yes, I want to hide my sexuality and be looked as a typical male.
It is understandably to be afraid of coming out but you should not wish cancer to hide your situation. It is very harmful to wish harm to yourself.
I'm not going to self harm myself, I just want to get cancer.
I think you should take all the time you need to figure out your sexuality without pressures. You can decide what is best for your life. I would just mention that not all partners might be ok with you still being in the closet.