I think searching my disorder is ruining my life
How do you know if searching is ruining your life?
I don't know if it's really ruining my life, but I'm living a terrible life
If you think you have some kind of disorder, you should seek help. Talk to a professional about it.
There's nothing wrong with me, I just want to live like a normal person.
You can live a normal life, but if you are searching that is something wrong. Maybe speaking to a therapist is a better option for you.