What's the best way to get a child to sit quietly on your lap in church? Make sure it's dead first.
I don't think that's nice to say. Do you want to explain further?
I only say what's true. Making a child sit on your lap in church is a good way to stay quiet
You shouldn't make light of harming children. Children often cry because they are trying to communicate.  You should learn more about effectively communicating with children if you want them to be quiet instead of making jokes about harming them.