To be honest with you, whenever he died I felt nothing at all but the feeling of relief.
Are you messing around, how could someone's death make you feel relief?
I know it brings shame to my family.
It is understandable that you may have had ill feelings toward the person. However, you should not want your family to feel shame. They should be able to grieve in peace.
Well... I don't want to talk about it.
You don't have to talk about it, but trying to keep shame from your family is admirable. As long as you don't ruin the funeral or go around telling everyone how you felt about him, which would only bring an even greater shame, in a way.