If you decided to kill yourself, who'd be the one person you'd want to make sure gets the message that they are at least partially responsible?
What's the real reason you want to know that?
Because I'd want them to suffer from this guilt and it would be my pleasure to see them suffering
I hope I do not ever reach the point where I would enjoy seeing someone suffer. Suffering is not a good thing to have to go through and this should not be the reason why you want to off yourself.