I'm not very sympathetic to my wife for her self inflicted problem
Why don't you want to be sympathetic to her?
She makes it easy to ignore, and doesn't want sympathy anyways.
Being sympathetic towards your wife is understandable and noble. If she does not feel comfortable receiving your sympathy, you should take that into consideration and find another way to help her so that she does not get more upset.
I don't want to spend money on her and that's what she said.
It sounds like you have money problems. It might be good for both of you to talk with a financial advisor and possibly a therapist to try to work the issue out because money problems are a big cause for divorce.