I feel like crap. I've had first hookups with two different guys and both ended horribly
What was so horrible?
After the first one I was horribly depressed for weeks
Being depressed isn't good for you. Maybe you shouldn't hook up if that happens.
I'm going to hook up with more people and see what happens.
But if it makes you feel depressed then why do it? Are you sure you aren't trying to fill the void?