I'm so conflicted by cigarettes. I hate cigarettes,  but I love them smoking them so much
I've never met someone who hates tobacco but also smokes.
I try to have self control, sometimes I swear I'll never smoke again.
It is normal to have a love/hate relationship with a vice you can't seem to give up. Addiction is hard; somethings you need to seek help to quit for real.
You're right. I tried quitting and it wasn't easy.
I feel like you're ready to try again. You might find some success with a smoking cessation program run by a doctor. People really have been successful in quitting when they get professional help.