Lately I've been hating that I have to live.
Why would you hate having to live?
Maybe if I'm dead I may have a chance to be with my father
Hating living life is indicative of a serious mental health issue such as depression. You should reach out and get help from a mental health professional to improve your outlook and life and make you think it is worth living again.
It's just easier to hurt myself.
It's not, these feelings will never go away will continue to affect your mental health. You really should seek help and talk to a mental health professional.