Would you be upset if I told you I've been having homicidal and suicidal thoughts for months now?
Wait, seriously? Why are you having homicidal and suicidal thoughts?
I don't know, I just feel so desperate
If you have been experiencing homicidal and suicidal thoughts for months you are having a mental health crisis and should contact a mental health professional as soon as possible before you commit an act that you will regret later. It's okay and expected to get support for your mental health, especially when you have thoughts of hurting yourself and others.
I don't want to talk to my family doctor; they will only say the same thing.
It's understandable not to want to talk to your family doctor about something like this. There are people more specialized and qualified out there that can help with the issue. I'll help you get in touch with one any way I can.