I have had suicidal thoughts since young childhood
Why do you think you've had suicidal thoughts for this long?
I've always had problems with emotions.
I'm not saying it'll solve your problems, but there is a suicide hotline you can call. Or we can seek some other form of treatment for you.
I'm not sure if I want to seek treatment and I also want to die asap.
I really think you should get some professional help right away if you are feeling that way. Why not give them a call right now?