I feel like an idiot because, well, I am an idiot. I'm ashamed of who I am.
Why exactly are you feeling like an idiot right now?
I'm not exactly sure. I feel like I've made enough bad decisions in life to get stuck like this.
It sounds like things have gotten rather complicated. You need to refrain from calling yourself an idiot. This will only make you feel worse.
How come I'm the only one responsible for my life? Why can't I have someone to blame?
You shouldn't blame others and you should start being kinder to yourself. You will have a lot better chance at success if you aren't so hard on yourself.