I want something bad to happen to me so I have an excuse to feel sorry for myself. Is that worrisome?
Kind of, yes. Did something happen to ignite this feeling recently?
Having failed various work interviews and getting upset with myself
There's no need to throw yourself any pity parties. Continuing to stay in a loop of negative feedback is going to mentally exhaust you.
This is what happens when a person thinks they are a victim, like me.
Don't victimize yourself, then. You have the power to control those feelings, so you should do it.