I would like to apologize for stealing your lawn mower, is this fine with you now? I don't want any trouble.
Oh my goodness, was there a reason you stole my lawn mower?
I'm a crazy guy, so sue me
I'm not happy that you stole my lawn mower, but I'm glad you said you're sorry for doing it. It's important to own up to mistakes that we've made, including stealing from people.
You should be happy that I returned it to you.
You are good to apologize but your attitude otherwise is rather disturbing. Be more humble so I can actually believe your apology was sincere. Otherwise I might just have you arrested.