I feel like I am driving my self insane.
What going wrong?
It's all the same thing over and over again
Feeling stressed over your actions can do long lasting damage. Have you considered talking to someone about this?
I have no idea where to start.
Well the first step is realizing you have a problem. I am really proud you can admit that. There are many mental health clinics around and even your country has a state run facility with people you can talk to in person or on the phone.