I'm a fake fan and it's a depressing existence.
What do you mean by "fake fan"?
If you're not a full-fledged fan, then you're just faking it.
It's great you know you're being fake, but why continue if you think that way? Don't you want to be a real fan and stop thinking that you're depressing?
I don't know. Maybe being a fan isn't for me anymore.
If being a fan doesn't make you happy, maybe you should let it go and find something that you enjoy being a fan of. It would be healthier for your outlook and help you enjoy life more.