I was viciously crashed into by a nerd, which broke my nose.
Why did he crash into you?
He must've coming down having food poisoning and blinded by the pain, I feel so sorry for him
It's awesome that you thought things through. Many people would have assumed that they were being attacked or assaulted.
God knows I wasn't going to help the poor guy.
You should have helped him though, you already knew it was an accident. I am glad you did not automatically jump to the worst conclusion though.