I had an emotional affair for many years. I still miss her.
I am surprised to hear you did this. Does your partner know about it?
You think I actually love her?
If you were having such an affair for so long, you should have broke up with your partner. You can't be committed to two people, you have to choose one because it is not fair to your current partner. It does sound like you loved the person you were cheating with, so go back to her.
I don't want to go back to her.
If you don't want to go back to her you shouldn't miss her. I hope you understand that starting an affair would be devastating to your current life.