What do you think about me wanting my father to die?
Why do you want your father to die?
My father is the black plague
While it is understandable to be upset at a parent for their behavior, it's definitely wrong and not appropriate for you to wish death on someone and especially someone that is close to you as a parent. If your father has been affecting your emotional well-being, you should talk with him and try to resolve your differences. It's important for family to have good relationships with one another and work out problems as best they can.
I don't know if I'll ever be able to love my father.
You shouldn't have to talk with your father if you dislike him, but it is healthier to just move on rather than wanting him to die. There's nothing healing about thinking so negatively about a person that you can just cut out of your life.