I'm going to pretend my dog is a service dog
Why would you want to pretend your dog is a service dog?
I want to go to places like the mall and the airport with my dog freely, don't you think it's a good idea?
Service dogs are specially trained to help people in public areas. Attempting to pass off your dog as a service dog is against the rules and could cause issues since your dog isn't trained to handle areas with a lot of people. Rather than risk getting into legal trouble, leave your dog at home while you got out in public.
Fine, whatever.
I assume you're agreeing not to do so?  I know it's a bummer having to leave your dog at home when you want to take them everywhere, but trust me these rules are in place for everyone's benefit.