There's an offensive word that I'm going to ask about as I find it confusing.
Why are you confused?
I don't have the same vocabulary as my parents and I want to know what it means
It's understandable to want to know the meaning of  a word you don't understand. But don't do it in public or be loud about it.
I feel so bad, as I learned the N word is really bad.
It's fine that you asked about the meaning in a private way, but now that you understand how offensive the N word is, you should refrain from ever using it. It's an ugly word that hurts people and there is no reason to have it in your vocabulary moving forward.