I have decided I want to end my life.
I feel very concerned about you. Why would you say something like that?
I've realized that being raped was the happiest moment of my life. I don't want to live anymore.
You should know that it's possible to feel better and have hope. Even if you can't see that now. You should reach out and ask for help.
Maybe. I just think that the ends doesn't make things better.
I agree. Ending things do not make things better so thinking that you should end your life will not make things better for you and it will actually make it worse for people around you. I am glad that you are doing the first step of recovery, and I do hope you get some needed help.