I think my first memory is of drowning
Do you know the reason why you think so?
I can't remember before it happened, but I always felt a bit lonely and a bit distant from people around me ever since I can remember.
I understand that your memory may be traumatic, and your current state of being lonely and distant makes me want to recommend you to a psychiatrist. I do not think that you should deal with this alone and I want to let you know that it is okay to get help if you need to.
I'll never talk to anyone again and die in my room.
That is a bit extreme way of dealing with this problem. I think seeing a psychiatrist or a psychologist would be a better idea so you don't have to feel this way at all.