I've done some seriously terrible things in my life.
What kind of things are we talking about here.
Well for one, I once raped a mentally disabled girl.
I hope you realize that pain that you caused that girl. It is good that you realize that it was a terrible thing but you should turn yourself in so that justice can prevail.
You are right, it is despicable but I can't turn myself in. I would not survive in jail. I just wish for her forgiveness.
At least you know it was wrong but that girl will have trauma for the rest of her life. You owe her big time. Try not to beat yourself up about it but at the same time try to help her too in some way or form.