I just can't deal. I have nothing to live for.
I hope you are joking, can you explain why you feel this way?
I had two friends murdered in front of my eyes, one who died of illness and had no insurance for his treatments. He had just moved back in with his family. My girlfriend cheated on me, I had my computer stolen while it was playing music by one of the friends i had lost. I researched my ancestry and found out that my relatives were sick people throughout history and even had my dead beat dad get thrown into jail.
I'm so sorry you went through all that and I think it's understandable for to feel that way but that doesn't make it okay. You were dealt a really rough hand in life and you're still here. Through you your friends' memories live on and you're an extremely strong person for getting through it all.
Then I hope you burn in hell for being so happy.
I get you are angry but you don't need to lash out at me because you feel so hurt about your situation. If you want to have someone to talk to I am here but I won't let you abuse me.