I'm an alcoholic but I really wish I was a functioning one.
Are you serious that your only concern is that you wish you were functioning as an alcoholic?
I would be able to handle my life much better.
If alcohol is ruining your life then you should quit by getting help. Being a functioning person is better than being a functioning alcoholic.
You can drink a lot of alcohol and still function. Just because I am drunk doesn't mean I'm not functioning.
I get that you can function throughout life. But having a dependency on alcohol is dreamily detrimental to your health.