I still have the urge to cut myself 10+ years after stopping
Why do you feel like cutting yourself again?
You will never know the way I feel.
I understand that what you're going through is something that I would never possibly understand, but in the past I actually did have very depressed thoughts and needed to receive help for them so I went to a therapist. A lot of people would say that you should try the same.
I don't need some dumb therapist telling me what to do. I know what I'm doing and I'll do it when I want.
It's a natural reaction to not want to talk to a therapist, but they really help. You should at least seek some kind of professional help at the very least.