I need to do away with myself as a service to others
Why are you so down on yourself?
Because once I'd been a dirty piece of anonymous shit that caused others trouble
You shouldn't be looking to kill yourself to help others, that's just very misguided. Have you thought about talking to someone about how you feel?
You are blindly refusing to see the truth in front of you, so I will stop talking to you.
The truth I see in front of myself is a person in great deal of pain. You should seek out counseling to help you navigate through this. It will pass.