I really despise my life and wish I wasn't alive but none of my friends or circle know that
What makes you feel so down on yourself?
Matter of fact, I'm not sure myself why, I feel generally bad about myself.
If you're concerned about your mental health, don't hesitate to seek advice. Talk to someone and see what you can do to combat you feelings of worthlessness, and be sure to surround yourself with good friends.
A drunken jerk like you is going to lecture me.  Why should I listen?
You are the one reaching out for advice, I would evaluate how you treat people based on what you just said to me.   That probably has a big impact on how you feel.