I'm thinking of calling the police on my best friend for sneezing.
Is sneezing a slang term for some sort of crime I'm unfamiliar with?
No, but it's messed up that he was sneezing on me. I can't stand it when he does that, in fact I'm in the room next door right now hiding.
I'm sure the cops will at best laugh at you and at worst arrest you for misuse of 911. It's better to take this issue up with your friend.
Nah, I'm going to do this. I have to do something with my life.
It is gross that he sneezes on you, but calling the police is silly and wasteful of limited resources. You need to figure out a way to make your friend be more respectful that doesn't involve the police,