Can I not spend most of my time with my mother while she is in town for my birthday?
Why not spend time with your mom?
She's too controlling over everyone in the family, she made my dad miserable and I just can't do it anymore.
I think that it is understandable to avoid family members you consider toxic. However, you should make your feelings known to her before just ghosting her.
My family is full of toxic assholes and I would rather be alone than spend time with them.
that is mean to say about your family. It is wrong to disregard the feelings of other family members. She came all that way, you should want to spend a little bit of time with her.