I'm going to make my girlfriend cry on her birthday
What do you think will make your girlfriend cry?
I'm going to shove a carrot in her cunt after she comes.
What did she do to you to make you want to humiliate her on her birthday? Is this your way of breaking up with her? I'd be surprised if she'd want to stay with you after you were so cruel.
It's just a carrot, it's not even a real dick.
What you're describing is a form of sexual assault. If you truly feel compelled to go forward with this behavior, you should seek counseling.