I feel like a traitor
What makes you feel as if you're a taitor?
Sometimes it's justified to be one. If the army goes into a war and they won't send you and you know that and you refuse to join the army then you're a traitor for that army and you should be punished.
I suppose you feel like a traitor because you refused to join the army? It's ok to admit you don't want to join the army because you are scared to go to war but I would not say you are a traitor. People will see you more like a coward, not a traitor.
Why am I a coward then? What if I refuse the army because I'm a pacifist?
It's okay to not want to believe in violence. Sometimes though the enemy won't care what your beliefs are and will attack anyways. It's up to a nations citizens to protect those they love using any means necessary.