I feel mentally ill beyond repair and my partner is beginning to thrive without me. I want counselling or death and I need to express it.
When did these feelings first start for you?
I felt like it ever since I became conscious, maybe when I was 14.
You are not alone in what you are feeling. You should talk to someone you trust about what you are experiencing. Someone else may be able to help you see things from a different perspective.
I don't want to talk to anyone and I'll die if I need to.
I really believe that it's best for you to try to reach out to a professional, because you should feel like you want to be living, not dead. How will your partner feel if you were gone? How about talking to them too so they can help you.