How do you feel about me being 95 percent sure that I am an alcoholic?
Is it because drinking makes you feel good?
No drinking makes me feel bad and I know that by drinking I'm getting closer to the end.
While drinking in moderation is okay, abusing alcohol is not and is especially wrong if you are hoping to drink yourself to death. You should reach out to a mental health professional to get the support that you need in order to overcome your addiction and suicidal ideation. It will be a long and sometimes difficult process but you have the ability to cut back on your alcohol consumption.
Death's the only way out.
If you're drinking so much alcohol that you're beginning to feel depressed about life, then you're probably right about being an alcoholic. I can refer to you a rehab clinic that helped my Uncle if you are serious about wanting help?