I think I was in the icu for 12 days after an operation to put in a vp shunt when I was born and I almost died. 28 years later I still can't find a reason I should be alive.
Did your parents care for you when you were sick?
I hate my old man. I wish he hadn't tried so hard to keep me alive back then.
Going to medical procedures can be scary and sometimes don't fix everything. Sometimes it seems like they can make the problem worse so it is okay not to feel okay about having had the treatment.
I don't care why he did.
You parents care very much about you and don't want to lose you now. They went through all those measures because you are their son and they want to see you succeed in life. Try to find a purpose to make your parents proud.