I lost the love of my life and it's my fault.
Why do you think it's all your fault they died? It happens to many more than you know.
Not sure what you mean, so what you are saying is I'm not alone in this experience and I shouldn't be hard on myself?
Losing a partner is very difficult and no one can blame themselves when they didn't do anything. Give yourself some space and allow for grieving without guilt.
It hurts to much, I am going to commit suicide.
I know that this seems very tough for you now, but you love would not want you to feel this way.  Take things a day at a time and try to see the positives in life.