What do you think about me being a genuinely horrible person?
Why do you consider yourself a horrible person?
Because I always chase away the people I care about the most.
If you can't stop yourself from sabotaging your relationships, you should consider talking to a therapist. They will be able to help you work out why you have destructive behavior. It is good to want others to love you, so it would be better to learn how to not chase off those who love you.
I'm never going to therapy.
If you don't go to therapy, then you can't expect things to ever get better for yourself. Do you want to continue feeling like a horrible person for the rest of your life?