I've cheated on my boyfriend 3 times now
Do you not want to be with him anymore?
Without him it feels like life is meaningless, but I hate myself for not being able to stop.
Relationships can go through difficult times but it is not good to cheat on your partner. It won't fix anything and it will make problems worse.
I don't think he'll ever find out anyway.
It's not about whether or not he'll find out, it's about the infidelity all together. Consider leaving him or stop cheating.