I'm doing something strange and selfish to others.
Why are you doing strange and selfish things?
There was a person I found difficult to deal with and who hurt me badly.
Even if the person hurt you, you shouldn't do strange and selfish things. It isn't healthy to do long-term.
No matter what happens I have to suffer for it and I consider my action a price I pay for what I've done to her.
Despite everything you've done, you're doing a great job feeling remorse and regret for these things. How about trying to remedy it, by apologizing to her and listening to her feelings this time?