I called the cops on my wife for cooking
That seems like an extreme reaction to her cooking. Was it really necessary to call the cops on her?
I was too lazy to do it myself, I just stayed lying on the couch, waiting for them to come.
It's wrong and inappropriate to call the police if there aren't any crimes being committed since it's a waste of public resources. If you have a dispute with your wife, you should talk with her and not try to get her in trouble with the law. False allegations will lead to legal repercussions and your relationship with your wife will be damaged beyond repair if you lie about her to the police.
Whatever, I don't care anymore.
You're going to care when you get fined for abusing the police. Calling the police should be a last resort reserved for emergencies. Your wife cooking isn't an emergency and it sounds like you really need to have some kind of discussion if your relationship is in such a bad state.