I'm going to come off as cold to my friends and lose them in the end
Why would you want to come off as cold?
Because I want to control them and I like to be in charge.
That is a mean thing for you to do. You shouldn't be cold to your friends. They care about you and they are the ones that are going to be there when you need them.
I want to hurt them like they hurt me, they are weak and will stay on my side.
You don't know that they will stick around in this situation. I think you should just treat your friends kindly.