I'm left with intrusive homocidal thoughts that I'm getting use to
Who are you having homicidal feelings towards?
Specific groups of people.
These are extreme feelings that are not normal. It is good for you to seek help as you need it for these thoughts.
I'll do what I need to do to feel good about myself.
It's really not healthy to have these sorts of thoughts. I am urging you to seek some professional help so that you don't hurt someone.