I've wasted 50'000PS and four years and struggling to even have any hopes for myself.
What did you spend all of that money on?
I spent it on a bunch of things like my house and an old car.
It does not feel good to feel that you have wasted your time and money. You should ask a professional the best way to navigate out of the pickle you are in.
Why wouldn't I do that?
Because it seems like you are stressing about what you spent your money on. It is okay to want to preserve the money that you worked hard to earn.