I can't get her off if we're both sober
Why do you feel that you need alcohol in order to have sex?
"National Lampoon's European Vacation" implies if you want sex it's an advantage to be drunk around attractive women.
Mixing alcohol and sex is not a good idea as it can prevent a person from being able to consent properly and that is wrong. If you are having difficulty getting your partner to orgasm while sober, you should try discussing the matter with your partner. Your partner may want you to try things differently in the bedroom and is too embarrassed to ask.
If I'm gonna get laid with women on the bed talking about my life like a loser, then why shouldn't I get drunk.
Requiring alcohol to have sex is something that you should really look into. You do not want to find yourself depending on alcohol for certain situations. This is a red flag to becoming an alcoholic.