I have a real cognitive dissonance problem
What do you mean by having a cognitive dissonance problem?
I feel ashamed telling someone what I do when I'm in deep shit.
That seems frustrating. It would be a good idea for you to find a therapist to help you with your problem.
What? I should work it out on my own. Therapy is bad.
Therapy can help these sort of problems, you shouldn't consider it as being bad. We all need a little help with our mental health sometimes.