I think as a boy I made mistakes.
What kind of mistakes did you make?
I thought about killing my mom.
Wishing ill-will towards others is not right but especially when it is your mother. Wanting your mother dead indicates you're harboring rage inside -- it isn't healthy.
She didn't like who I was and I wanted to push her away.
You should be expressing your feelings about what makes you regarding your mother's behavior as they come up. You should get counseling to help you develop more positive ways to navigate through you anger.