I never want to speak to my father ever again and wish he would die alone after everything he's done
Why do you hate your father so much?
He has always been an asshole to me.
There is no excuse for your father to act like an asshole towards you, but wishing that he would die isn't correct either. Don't cut off your communication with him. Instead, sit down and talk to him about your feelings and work things out.
Nah, I want to fucking destroy my life and kill myself.
Don't you think you are acting a bit rash? Maybe you should seek some professional therapy if your father has messed up your life this much.