I think the love of my life ghosted me and it's my fault
What makes you think it's your fault?
I was never a good lover for her.
It's understandable to be sad if someone leaves you. However, you shouldn't beat yourself up over such things.
I'm glad you could sympathize my situation.
It's definitely a hard thing to go through. But I feel occupying your mind with other things is going to be best for your mental health.