I'm being essentially rude to my mother and refusing to open up to her
What is it about your mother that bugs you?
I feel she  lashes out and punishes me for little or no reason.
If she does that, tell her. She may not be aware of her behavior and it would be important for you two to have an open line of communication.
My mother has always been awful and tries to control everything. I just can't seem to break out of this relationship.
You need to talk to her about her behavior. It is not right for a mother to lash out at their child for no reason. Get other family involved if you need to.