I'm thinking of spending money when my friend needs donations for her irresponsible husband
Do you really think your friend needs money?
Yes. They also need money for surgery.
I understand you may be upset with her husband, but it's important to help your friends when they need you. Maybe you should just loan her the money until she can pay you back.
Tough love is the best way in this case. I'm not going to waste my money on her.
If you think you're helping her by not lending her money, then it is your right to do so. No one else but you is entitled with your money but you should also be supportive and caring with your friends, and you're the one who ca balance that. I hope you and your friend can move past this.