I have been thinking that I don't want to exist anymore but I'm too much of a coward to leave it all behind.
That's bad. What motivates you to want to kill yourself?
Because I think my life is meaningless and there's nothing in it to live for anymore.
I know that you feel hopeless about your life, however, suicide is not a suitable answer. Counseling will help you if you make the right choice and work through your feelings.
I've tried counseling and I didn't get anything out of it. I just spent a lot of money.
It can be hard to find the right help the first time, you should see more people until you find the right person to help you. It would be wrong to give up and kill yourself when you could still find somebody to help you.