I'm surprised that used to want to drive my car into a pole
That's really scary. Is it because you have cancer or something else?
No, I just want to get away from my tedious mundane life.
It is wrong to want to kill your self because of a temporary situation. You should seek mental help for your mental problems.
Why do you get to decide what is right and what is wrong? It's my life.
I understand that, I am just concerned for you and want you to stay as safe as you can. It's not normal to want to feel that way, so how about talking more about it to others, or to a therapist? You should be looking forward to life, not against it.