I have this grotesque desire to be a victim of childhood abuse
Why would you want to be a victim of childhood abuse?
I'm twisted I guess. Also there is nothing wrong about wanting to be hurt.
It's important to talk to someone about those types of feelings. Sometimes they can lead to worse thoughts down the line.
It's not a big deal. Jeez. I can handle it myself.
I'm just saying that it's a pretty strange desire that you have. Wouldn't you feel better if you talked to someone about it?