Get this. I find joy in making myself sad, can you relate?
It sounds like you're in pain. How does making yourself sad turn out to be fun and enjoyable to you?
I hate the sadness more than I love the joy.
You shouldn't make yourself sad just to get a kick out of it because it's bad. Wouldn't you like to fill your life with positive people and events?
You're just saying that because you don't understand it. Just let me be happy to be sad. It's comforting to me.
I think you would find more happiness in feeling good about yourself and your life. I strongly suggest you get into therapy.