I'm feeling suicidal for awhile now and don't know what to do
Are you serious? Why do you want to harm yourself?
Because I just want to disappear.
I understand only feeling like you belong, but suicide is never the answer. Please, get help for your suicidal thoughts.
I might cry myself to sleep again tonight.
If you need to cry to keep going, then do it. You should go seek help instead of allowing your depression to fester into something much worse.