My body is so huge an unattractive. I don't want to start recovery for my eating disorder until I'm thin enough to recover without being fat.
You're being pretty hard on yourself. Why do you want to delay your recovery?
I'm thinking I should wait until i'm thin enough to recover so if I don't recover I won't be fat.
It's hard to go through with recovery. You should go through medical help for your eating disorder. Delaying it for fear of gaining weight might be your disorder talking.
What do you think I just never recover?
You shouldn't expect to fail at recovery before you even start. Find a good medical program that can help you work through this and you'll have a great chance at recovery.