What should I do if I'm scared of relationships as I am scared of myself with others?
Why are you afraid of how you are around others?
I've been told for years that I'm ugly and annoying.
One of the best parts of life is getting to know someone so well to the point of loving them. You are who you are, and you will find someone who loves you just the way you are now. That being said, focus on yourself for a while and when you get to the point of loving yourself, you will be more ready to love someone else.
I'm not ready to find someone.
Practicing self-love or self-awareness is the best way to get yourself ready for a relationship. Without these things you will not be able to have a fulfilling relationship with another person.