I'm going to indirectly hit a close friend in the head with a water bottle
Why would you do that?
Because I feel comfortable when he has a hard time when I bother him.
You shouldn't hit people in the head. It's mean and it would hurt them.
You don't care what I did or not. If you can't do anything, don't fucking tell me what to do.
It is not right that you only feel comfortable when you are doing something to hurt your friend. You could get in trouble for assault if you friend wants to charge you.