I kissed two trans women when I was 18. Life ruined
Why do you think your life is ruined from kissing them?
I just can't think straight when it comes to trans women.
I don't think your life is ruined at all!  It's perfectly normal to experiment with your sexual preferences.  You were just learning what makes you attracted to people!
I don't think It seems like a normal thing to do.
Keeping an open mind about sexuality is important. What you do and how you feel about it can make you feel conflicting emotions. Talk it out with a friend if possible.