I think I developed OCD because I didn't want to admit how much my mom hurt men when I was a child. Developing OCD behaviors was a way to deal with it.
How did your mom hurt men when you were a kid?
I can't talk about that because then I would start crying.
That's an understandable response to trauma. You should talk to a therapist who can help you confront your trauma and develop behaviors to deal with it that are more healthy for you.
I don't want to. I know I already deal with it since I developed OCD which became my way to release negativity and feel confident in what I do.
You shouldn't try to carry that burden inside for so long, it will end up building up and hurting you. Confronting your feelings with others will help you to deal with your OCD and you will be able to conquer them more easily.