I hate my parents and it was me that caused her death. I hate them and myself for what happened.
How did her death happen?
It's a long story, but basically I killed her
Obviously it is bad to hate your parents, and much worse to cause any death in order to hurt them.  You should be ready and willing to take full responsibility for what you have done.
I'm not ready to deal with it.
I can understand you aren't ready but it is wrong to cause someone's death and hate your parents. Your parents love you unconditionally and you should be able to talk to someone about what happened.