I want to run away
Why would you want to run away? Thats awful!
I'm not sure, it's weird because I feel happy and sad at the same time.
While it seems that you are happy now, you should not want to run away as it means abandoning your problems and that is bad. Running away won't solve your problems as just a new set of issues will form wherever you end up. You should confront whatever issues are affecting you and, if you need to, get help from your friends and family.
I might kill myself before I get there. I don't have the strength to deal with it anymore.
It sounds like you need someone to talk to if you're feeling this way. A professional can help you talk through and approach a problem in ways you might not have thought possible. They can get you the help you are seeking and make things more bearable.