Can I just say this? I want to drive into a tree
You have this weird inclination to drive your car through a tree today? Can you explain this insanity to me?
I want to find out what it feels like to kick the bucket.
You are sad and many people get that way all the time. Suicidal thoughts are temporary usually, but if you feel that bad then you need to go take yourself to the nearest clinic and get help with your negative thoughts. No one likes to be around a sad person who wants to end their life.
I just want to give myself a kick ass experience. This won't have any impact on anyone.
Suicidal experiences are not the right kind to have and accept. Seek help from a professional and maybe you can overcome this tendency. Desiring to die in any form is wrong for anyone.