What do you think of the fact that I want to be murdered?
Why do you want to be murdered?
I want to die in the worst pain possible so I can maybe see what's beyond life.
You're not in your right mind right now, because it is never okay to want to die in a horrible way like this. You need to talk out your problems with a professional so you don't have to feel this way anymore.
No. I'm going to track someone down and make them kill me so I can die slowly and find out what's beyond this world.
Having thoughts of being killed are not good and they are a sign that you really need professional help. Seek out a good therapist and let them help you find another way to understand life and death.