I feel suicidal. I hate myself
Why do you think that you feel suicidal?
I feel that I should stop existing
If you have the feeling like you want to stop existing then you should look into therapy. You shouldn't want to kill yourself.
I just need to get rid of all this fucked up feelings.
If you want to get rid of those feelings, then you should definitely talk to a doctor. They can point you in the right direction and get you help.