I think my depression ruined a friends life
How did it ruin your friend's life?
Because several times I've told him to kill himself.
Wow, did you really tell them that? Telling to someone to hurt them self can be really shocking and hurtful.
It's not my fault.
Don't you think you would feel hurt if someone had told you to do that? I think we should be kind to our friends and if we have a problem try to explain what is wrong without lashing out.