Is it okay that I don't want to get the same haircut as my daughter to make her feel better?
I don't know. Why was that an option?
Because people think that I don't do shit for my kids and they are getting on my case.
It is ok to not want to do things to make your kids feel better. Hair is a personal choice you should tell her she needs to respect yours.
I'm going to look at my daughter with my middle finger thinking "Fuck you", if I do get the haircut.
I can understand that you feel upset that people seem to be pushing you do something you don't want to do. But you can say no, it is your hair and if you don't want to cut then you shouldn't even if would make her feel better.