I think my kids are a lot like my penis. The harder I beat it the better I feel.
That is horrifying. Why would you say these things as a parent?
As a father my job is to discipline my children when they do wrong. Some of us did not have a good parents growing up, so I am doing what they should've done.
I understand feeling horrible about what your parents did to you. What they did was wrong so it is wrong to joke about the negative way you treat your children. They are probably afraid of you because of it.
You don't understand. I don't care if they are afraid of me. I am trying to scare them into being better people.
You don't need to beat them in order for them to be better people. And joking about beating is making light of how you don't care about hurting them and causing them pain.