I lost myself when I lost the one I love
Why didn't you ask for help?
I was too focused on avoiding losing her forever
Sometimes relationships people fall out of love and leave. If she does not want a relationship with you you should respect that.
If she does not love me, then I'm going to kill her
What you are saying concerns me and I hope you are not serious.   Please tell me how you are going to get past this or I may have to call someone.