I don't want to be in my relationship but I'm so lonely that I can't face breaking up
This sounds complicated, have you talked to your boyfriend about this?
No. I don't want to lose him yet. I need him.
It's reasonable that you have mixed feelings about breaking up with your boyfriend. Losing someone that you care about can be scary, as is staying in a situation where you aren't really happy. I think you should discuss your feelings with your boyfriend to see if you can work something out.
I don't care what you think. I'm an evil bitch and if his feelings get hurt...
I get you are scared about the consequences. Have you talked with family or friend if you need a place to stay while you get on your feet again?