I know it is disrespectful, wrong, and the most horrible thing I could do but I want to tell him
What do you want to tell him?
I'm just tired of keeping this secret to myself
Even if it is hard, the truth is not wrong. You should be honest with him and tell him what's on your mind.
I want to kick him where it hurts, I wish he was out of my life.
You're on the right track by wanting to tell him all of these things. You deserve to have your catharsis and be honest in order to have a happier life. How about politely telling him all of this and then cutting contact?