I never thought I would do this.
Is that an internal thought or are you actually thinking that?
I never thought that both of them would be true
If you are doing things you think are beneath you then you should stop. Sometimes we lose control over ourselves and should seek help.
I don't care, I can try to do whatever I want.
Don't you want to stay safe from what you are trying to do? Maybe it's best to just take a breather to make sure that it's really something you'd actually do, before you regret something. Or how about just letting it pass and distract yourself with something else?