I miss my dad
Why don't you talk to your mom?
I hate my mom she ruined my life
It's understandable to be angry with your mom, but hating her isn't a good solution to your anger. You may want to sit down and talk things out with her.
Fuck her.
You don't have to love your mother just because she's your parent if she harmed you, but insulting her still doesn't address your anger productively. Let your mom know how you feel in a calm and steady manner so that you two can work things out.