I'm thinking of this being my last holiday
What do you mean your last holiday?
To tell you the truth, i don't want to go outside anymore
If you are depressed and feeling like taking your life as a solution then you should give yourself another chance and seek professional help. You shouldn't have to suffer alone there are a lot of people who want to help you. Would you like me to help you find a professional?
I want to talk to someone but I can't. I think it's been a lot of time since I did. I just want to think about myself and not anyone else.
I think there might be quite a few people who will really miss you if you don't talk to someone. I think it would be really worth it to at least see someone and have someone to talk to. There may be other reasons like a chemical imbalance on why you feel this way.