I just wish I could say I'm sorry
Why don't you say you're sorry?
I feel it is too hard to say sometimes and I deserve to suffer for what I have done.
I understand how difficult it is to own up your mistakes and apologize. You should gather the courage and accept that you made a mistake.
It feels like I'm a bad person for saying it.
Well look on the positive side, you know you were in the wrong. It can be really hard for people to admit when they are wrong, the next step would be an apology. The way you talk about this makes feel feel like you are really sincere.