I really really really crave pain.
Are you being serious about this? Why do you crave pain?
Because when I feel pain, it makes me realize that I am alive.
It may be a thrill for you to experience pain but it could be dangerous to have this desire. Be careful not to hurt yourself trying to feel pain.
That's why I am trying to play with knives. It's fun to hurt myself.
I believe you should stop playing with knifes so recklessly, what if someone was around you and the knife hit them? How about trying to find an activity to replace this, and talk to a therapist about it? You deserve to feel joy in things other than pain.