There are coworkers, friends, and potential roommates in my life that I am going to treat like children.
What is your motivation for treating these people like children?
I'm always surrounded by hissy fits. I want to be obnoxious
It's a bit rude and disrespectful to patronize people, especially those that you know. It comes off like you are better and smarter than them. The condescending attitude will rub people the wrong way and you will quickly lose a lot of friends.
People can choose to respect me or leave. I'm sick of being nice to these people.
I understand what it's like to get annoyed by people from time to time, but your attitude comes off as patronizing and condescending. This is not better than behaving immaturely and you most likely will not like the results of treating the people in your life this way.