My life is nothing but long stretches of loneliness punctuated by self-loathing.
Do you have any hope that your life could get better?
No, I feel like I am being punished.
Don't wallow in self pity like this. Try to get through this loneliness and connect with people.
I'm afraid of making this loneliness worse. It's better to hide away than to try and make things worse.
If you put yourself out there you might make friends. Hiding only isolates you further, and your current friends slowly drift away.