I've had suicidal thoughts for years
Were you able to let these thoughts go?
No, I still have them now.
Some people have suicidal thoughts sometimes, but you shouldn't go through with it because it will cause harm to people who care about you. It might be good to get professional help if you're continually struggling with them.
I'm a bit tired of life and I am going to end it.
Your family loves you and would be devastated by your death. Killing yourself is not the answer. Seek professional help to deal with your pain and hopelessness.