Am I wrong for being in love with my ex?
You have been in love with him before, why did you stop?
I didn't want the pain because I have been hurt countless times before.
It is good that you have come to terms with how you feel. It is okay if it takes a while to get over a romantic relationship. They were a big part of your life for a while, so it is expected to still think of them.
I'm not okay with it. I hate that he was my fantasy and I can't get him out of my head.
It's understandable that you may not want to think about your ex in the way that you do. You can't help what your heart is feeling. Just understand that it takes time to get over a romantic connection.