Wow! I completely lost track of time and I haven't actually washed my calves in years.
Are you serious about not washing up for that long? Why don't you wash your calves?
You won't understand, but you could come wash my calves
You should be doing that for yourself. Washing yourself properly is something everyone should do.
I asked you to wash them for me.
You should be able to take care of washing yourself on your own. I would suggest a good soak to get everything cleaned up. Then remember how great it feels to be so clean if you start neglecting yourself again.