I've had suicidal thoughts since a kid.
Do you remember what brought them on?
I saw my mom killing herself
You've experienced pretty significant trauma. It might be a good idea to talk to a professional so you can come to terms with it.
I can't talk to someone. I don't believe in talking to strangers about your personal problems.
I understand that it feels scary to talk about your suicidal thoughts but not doing so puts you in danger. Speak with a counselor before it is too late.