TL;DR troll parse.com hiring
Emotional Liability Disclaimer
If you take it personally, the open source license will not cover you and you will owe me a royalty check for merely viewing (rounded up to the nearest second). Don't think of llamas because those thoughts cost an additional $0.09/second before taxes and late fees. We're sorry if you cannot afford this at this time, we may offer your an installment plan option. There may be a month-to-month subscription in the next release if funding runway doesn't run out.
This is not real software, this is psuedofiction or whatever that means. It may also work, but it's untested without specs and may only work as the side-effect of a Haskell IO monad that happens to sneeze during compilation. Personification, it's a character building device. C'mon, work with me here, people.
Becuse being a douchebag bastard while pretending to help people attempt the employment ritual is just too much schedenfreudic fun to pass up. Without malevolent intervention, offices would be boring pits of hell ruled by us mechanical assholes. Size 49 relaxed fit assholes (managers
** always have weight problems, it's de riguer for enhancing alpha dominance. I want my drycleaning hung vertically all the way through the lava pits, no wrinkles on my blazers, lowly peasant. )
** New rule: Can't be held responsible for your feelings. The warning about emotions is amended retroactively in spite of estopell. Ha-ha.
Broken down into two step. So simple, management can almost handle it.
[sudo] gem install parse_apply_infuriation_engine
Now. Whenever it is for you or the time that you remember this, whichever comes last.