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Fun.xail
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Fun.xail
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#Not so Easter-Egg-ish but still
#Credit goes to http://meta.stackoverflow.com/questions/9134/jon-skeet-facts
#APT GET MOO
Have you mooed today?
#APTITUDE MOO
There are no Easter Eggs in this program.
#JON SKEET
Jon Skeet wrote the universe as a hobby project.
If you write a piece of code and then Jon Skeet writes identical code, Jon Skeet's code will run many times faster, have a smaller memory footprint, and have a much smaller binary.
You can write FORTRAN in any language; but Jon Skeet can write python in malbolge.
Jon Skeet once hacked a Powerbook 5300 using nothing but an abacus.
It is written in the book of knuth that the end of the world shall begin with the creation of competition that combines programming with martial arts. It is there that Chuck Norris, Avatar of Destruction, and Jon Skeet, Avatar of Knowledge shall meet. It is said that a meeting of these great titans would cause the universe to end in a monumentus battle that will persist till beyond the the end of time.
Instead of 'Hello, World!' Jon Skeet's first program outputted 'Let there be light'
Some programmers use nano, others use emacs, others use vim, or even ed. But the great use a magnetized needle and a steady hand, the truly great use butterflies, and the greatest of them all set the universal constants at the start such that the universe evolves to contain the disk with the data they want. Jon Skeet sets the constants at the beginning of the universe so that it will evolve to contain the necessary butterflies.
In an an early attempt at V8, Google renamed 'JavaScript' to 'JonSkeet', but quickly reverted the name when it started breaking holes in the space time continuum... The svn's revision had this note: ("author" : "universe", "bug-fix" : ("ID" : "42", "title" : "missing exception on divide by zero"), "change-summary" : "reverted name", "comment" : "Jon Skeet can divide by zero.")
Jon Skeet solves everything in O(logJ(n)) where J is the base of the Skeet logarithm. It turns out O(logJ(n)) is infinitely faster than O(0).
Jon Skeet is immutable. If something's going to change, it's going to have to be the rest of the universe.
Jon Skeet's addition operator doesn't commute; it teleports to where he needs it to be.
Anonymous methods and anonymous types are really all called Jon Skeet. They just don't like to boast.
Jon Skeet's code doesn't follow a coding convention. It is the coding convention.
Jon Skeet doesn't have performance bottlenecks. He just makes the universe wait its turn.
Jon Skeet is the only person who has ranked higher than Jon Skeet in the SO all-time rep league.
Users don't mark Jon Skeet's answers as accepted. The universe accepts them out of a sense of truth and justice.
Jon Skeet can divide by zero.
Jon Skeet's SO reputation is only as modest as it is because of integer overflow (SQL Server does not have a datatype large enough)
Jon Skeet is the only top 100 SO user who is human. The others are bots that he coded to pass the time between questions.
Jon Skeet coded his last project entirely in Microsoft Paint, just for the challenge.
Jon Skeet does not use exceptions when programming. He has not been able to identify any of his code that is not exceptional.
When Jon Skeet's code fails to compile the compiler apologises.
Jon Skeet does not use revision control software. None of his code has ever needed revision.
When you search for "guru" on Google it says "Did you mean Jon Skeet?"
There are two types of programmers: good programmers, and those that are not Jon Skeet.
Jon Skeet has already written a book about C# 5.0. It's currently sealed up. In three years, Anders Hejlsberg is going to open the book to see if the language design team got it right.
Jon Skeet once answered one of Bill the Lizard's questions 42 seconds before he asked it. We all belief that he employed a super computer and Infinite Improbability Drive technology to achieve this result.
When Jon Skeet points to null, null quakes in fear.
Donald Knuth wears a "Jon Skeet is my Homeboy" t-shirt to show off at parties.
Jon Skeet is the traveling salesman. Only he knows the shortest route.
Jon Skeet can make the Kessel run in under twelve parsecs.
Jon Skeet took the red pill and the blue pill, and can phase-shift in and out of the Matrix at will.
Jon Skeet has root access to your system.
The Dining Philosophers wait while Jon Skeet eats.
Jon Skeet knows the air speed velocity of an unladen swallow, both African and European.
Jon Skeet has more "Nice Answer" badges than you have badges.
If Jon Skeet posts a duplicate question on StackOverflow, the original question will be closed as a duplicate.
When Jon gives a method an argument, the method loses.
When Jon pushes a value onto a stack, it stays pushed.
When invoking one of Jon's callbacks, the runtime adds "please".
Drivers think twice before they dare interrupt Jon's code.
Jon Skeet does not recognize anonymous types in .NET. He knows everyone of them and where they live.
Jeff Atwood bought a monster GPU just to calculate Jon Skeet's reputation on StackOverflow... CPUs don't cut it anymore.
When Jon Skeet presses F5, the garbage collector collects itself.. there is no other garbage.
Jon Skeet can throw an exception further than anyone else, and in less time.
Jon Skeet can code in Perl and make it look like Java.
Jon Skeet can stop an infinite loop just by thinking about it.
Jon Skeet doesn't need a debugger, he just stares down the bug until the code confesses.
Jon Skeet once wrote an entire operating system in his sleep on a Treo with no battery, powered only by the force of his will.
Jon Skeet returned IntelliSense and got his money back!
Google is Jon Skeet behind a proxy.
If you have 10000 reputation points and Jon Skeet has 10000 reputation points, Jon Skeet has more reputation than you.
There is no 'CTRL' button on Jon Skeet's computer. Jon Skeet is always in control.
The only time Jon Skeet was wrong was when he thought he had made a mistake.
Jon Skeet has a guru badge for a question about... Jon Skeet
Jon Skeet codes only with final sealed methods. No one has ever needed to override any of Jon Skeet's code.
Jon Skeet does not run his programs. He just whispers "you better run". And it runs.
Jon Skeet LINQs all things.
Jon Skeet does not "Abort, Retry, Ignore". Ever.
Jon Skeet is a BSOD in himself: Best Stack Overflow Definition.
Jon Skeet only solves NP-awesome problems.
Jon Skeet is *IntelliSense*: to get an answer on Stack Overflow, type: 'Jon Skeet' + CTRL+SPACE. The answer is displayed immediately. works for question too: "I would like to know..." 'Jon Skeet' + CTRL+SPACE: the question you actually wanted to ask writes itself.
All your reputations are belong to Jon Skeet.
Jon Skeet won the "Hello World in less than 20 bytes" contest by developing a single byte program. He could have easily done with zero bytes, "but that would have been silly."
Jon Skeet does not resolve software problems. The problems resolve themselves the moment he walks into the office.
There are two types of programmers: good programmers, and those that are not Jon Skeet.
Jon Skeet does not use revision control software. None of his code has ever needed revision.
Jon Skeet can recite pi. Backwards.
Can Jon Skeet ask a question that even Jon Skeet can't answer? Yes. And he can answer it, too.
#GURU
Did you mean Jon Skeet?
#NAME ANONYMOUS METHOD
Anonymous methods and anonymous types are really all called Jon Skeet. They just don't like to boast.
#JON SKEET CODING CONVENTION
Jon Skeet's code doesn't follow a coding convention. It is the coding convention.
#BOTTLENECK PERFORMANCE
Jon Skeet doesn't have performance bottlenecks. He just makes the universe wait its turn.
#ACCEPT JON SKEET
Users don't mark Jon Skeet's answers as accepted. The universe accepts them out of a sense of truth and justice.
#JON SKEET FAIL COMPILE
When Jon Skeet's code fails to compile the compiler apologises.
#JON SKEET NULL
When Jon Skeet points to null, null quakes in fear.
#DOWNVOTE JON SKEET
If you downvote Jon Skeet's answers, you are giving in to Them and their blasphemous ways which doom us all into the inhuman toil for the One whose Name cannot be expressed in the Basic Multilingual Plane, he comes.
#http://stackoverflow.com/a/1732454/1090657
#HTML WITH REGEX
You can't parse [X]HTML with regex. Because HTML can't be parsed by regex. Regex is not a tool that can be used to correctly parse HTML. As I have answered in HTML-and-regex questions here so many times before, the use of regex will not allow you to consume HTML. Regular expressions are a tool that is insufficiently sophisticated to understand the constructs employed by HTML. HTML is not a regular language and hence cannot be parsed by regular expressions. Regex queries are not equipped to break down HTML into its meaningful parts. So many times but it is not getting to me. Even enhanced irregular expressions as used by Perl are not up to the task of parsing HTML. You will never make me crack. HTML is a language of sufficient complexity that it cannot be parsed by regular expressions. Even Jon Skeet cannot parse HTML using regular expressions. Every time you attempt to parse HTML with regular expressions, the unholy child weeps the blood of virgins, and Russian hackers pwn your webapp. Parsing HTML with regex summons tainted souls into the realm of the living. HTML and regex go together like love, marriage, and ritual infanticide. The <center> cannot hold it is too late. The force of regex and HTML together in the same conceptual space will destroy your mind like so much watery putty. If you parse HTML with regex you are giving in to Them and their blasphemous ways which doom us all to inhuman toil for the One whose Name cannot be expressed in the Basic Multilingual Plane, he comes. HTML-plus-regexp will liquify the nerves of the sentient whilst you observe, your psyche withering in the onslaught of horror. Regex-based HTML parsers are the cancer that is killing StackOverflow it is too late we cannot be saved the transgression of a child ensures regex will consume all living tissue. (except for HTML which it cannot, as previously prophesied) Dear lord, help us! How can anyone survive this scourge using regex to parse HTML? It has doomed humanity to an eternity of dread torture and security holes! Using regex as a tool to process HTML establishes a breach between this world and the dread realm of corrupt entities. (like SGML entities, but more corrupt) A mere glimpse of the world of regex parsers for HTML will instantly transport a programmer's consciousness into a world of ceaseless screaming. He comes, the pestilent slithy regex-infection will devour your HTML parser, application and existence for all time like Visual Basic only worse. He comes, he comes, don't fight he comes, his unholy radiance destroying all enlightenment, HTML tags leaking from your eyes like liquid pain, the song of regular expression parsing will extinguish the voices of moral man from the sphere. I can see it, can you see it? It is beautiful the final snuffing of the lies of Man! ALL IS LOST, ALL IS LOST!!! He comes, he comes, HE COMES!!! The ichor permeate all MY FACE, MY FACE! Oh god, no, NO, NOOOO, NO, stop! Have you tried an XML parser instead?
#http://ars.userfriendly.org/cartoons/?id=19990111
#EVIL GENIUS
Three steps to completink your initiation as an Evil Genius: 1. Adopt ominous accentski. 2. Never, ever smileski. 3. Bring a wealthy, monopolistic multinational corporationski that sells crappy operatings systems to its knees.