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down.php
257 lines (221 loc) · 8.34 KB
/
down.php
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<?php
if (!function_exists('http_response_code')) {
function http_response_code($code = NULL) {
if ($code !== NULL) {
switch ($code) {
case 100: $text = 'Continue'; break;
case 101: $text = 'Switching Protocols'; break;
case 200: $text = 'OK'; break;
case 201: $text = 'Created'; break;
case 202: $text = 'Accepted'; break;
case 203: $text = 'Non-Authoritative Information'; break;
case 204: $text = 'No Content'; break;
case 205: $text = 'Reset Content'; break;
case 206: $text = 'Partial Content'; break;
case 300: $text = 'Multiple Choices'; break;
case 301: $text = 'Moved Permanently'; break;
case 302: $text = 'Moved Temporarily'; break;
case 303: $text = 'See Other'; break;
case 304: $text = 'Not Modified'; break;
case 305: $text = 'Use Proxy'; break;
case 400: $text = 'Bad Request'; break;
case 401: $text = 'Unauthorized'; break;
case 402: $text = 'Payment Required'; break;
case 403: $text = 'Forbidden'; break;
case 404: $text = 'Not Found'; break;
case 405: $text = 'Method Not Allowed'; break;
case 406: $text = 'Not Acceptable'; break;
case 407: $text = 'Proxy Authentication Required'; break;
case 408: $text = 'Request Time-out'; break;
case 409: $text = 'Conflict'; break;
case 410: $text = 'Gone'; break;
case 411: $text = 'Length Required'; break;
case 412: $text = 'Precondition Failed'; break;
case 413: $text = 'Request Entity Too Large'; break;
case 414: $text = 'Request-URI Too Large'; break;
case 415: $text = 'Unsupported Media Type'; break;
case 500: $text = 'Internal Server Error'; break;
case 501: $text = 'Not Implemented'; break;
case 502: $text = 'Bad Gateway'; break;
case 503: $text = 'Service Unavailable'; break;
case 504: $text = 'Gateway Time-out'; break;
case 505: $text = 'HTTP Version not supported'; break;
default:
exit('Unknown http status code "' . htmlentities($code) . '"');
break;
}
$protocol = (isset($_SERVER['SERVER_PROTOCOL']) ? $_SERVER['SERVER_PROTOCOL'] : 'HTTP/1.0');
header($protocol . ' ' . $code . ' ' . $text);
$GLOBALS['http_response_code'] = $code;
} else {
$code = (isset($GLOBALS['http_response_code']) ? $GLOBALS['http_response_code'] : 200);
}
return $code;
}
} http_response_code(503); ?>
<!DOCTYPE html>
<html lang="en">
<meta charset="utf-8">
<head>
<title>pulsir is down</title>
<!-- based on the reddit downtime page -->
<style>
html { overflow:hidden; }
body { font: 60px 'Helvetica', Arial, sans-serif; letter-spacing:0; margin:0; overflow:hidden; background:#25d; color:#fff; }
html, body, #container {
position: absolute;
top: 0;
right: 0;
bottom: 0;
left: 0;
}
.message{
background-color: #fff;
}
/* Thanks, http://www.colorzilla.com/gradient-editor/ */
#container {
background: rgb(105,181,113); /* Old browsers */
background: -moz-linear-gradient(-45deg, rgba(105,181,113,1) 0%, rgba(121,209,182,1) 100%); /* FF3.6+ */
background: -webkit-gradient(linear, left top, right bottom, color-stop(0%,rgba(105,181,113,1)), color-stop(100%,rgba(121,209,182,1))); /* Chrome,Safari4+ */
background: -webkit-linear-gradient(-45deg, rgba(105,181,113,1) 0%,rgba(121,209,182,1) 100%); /* Chrome10+,Safari5.1+ */
background: -o-linear-gradient(-45deg, rgba(105,181,113,1) 0%,rgba(121,209,182,1) 100%); /* Opera 11.10+ */
background: -ms-linear-gradient(-45deg, rgba(105,181,113,1) 0%,rgba(121,209,182,1) 100%); /* IE10+ */
background: linear-gradient(135deg, rgba(105,181,113,1) 0%,rgba(121,209,182,1) 100%); /* W3C */
filter: progid:DXImageTransform.Microsoft.gradient( startColorstr='#69b571', endColorstr='#79d1b6',GradientType=1 ); /* IE6-9 fallback on horizontal gradient */
}
h1, h2 { margin:0; /** text-shadow:0 5px 0px rgba(0,0,0,.2); **/ }
h1 { font-size:1em; }
h2 { font-size:.5em; }
a { color:#fff; }
h3 { font-size:.25em; margin:1em 50px; }
h3, h3 a { color:#fff; }
h3 img { margin:0 3px; }
#title { position:absolute; top:50%; width:100%; height:322px; margin-top:-180px; text-align:center; z-index:10; }
.cloud { position:absolute; display:block; }
.puff { position:absolute; display:block; width:15px; height:15px; background:white; opacity:.05; filter:alpha(opacity=5); }
</style>
<script>
function randomInt(min, max) {
return Math.floor(Math.random() * (max - min + 1)) + min
}
function randomChoice(items) {
return items[randomInt(0, items.length-1)]
}
var PIXEL_SIZE = 7
function makeCloud() {
var w = 8,
h = 5,
maxr = Math.sqrt(w*w + h*h),
density = .4
var cloud = document.createElement('div')
cloud.className = 'cloud'
for (var x=-w; x<=w; x++) {
for (var y=-h; y<=h; y++) {
r = Math.sqrt(x*x + y*y)
if (r/maxr < Math.pow(Math.random(), density)) {
var puff = document.createElement('div')
puff.className = 'puff'
puff.style.left = (x + w) * PIXEL_SIZE + 'px'
puff.style.top = (y + h) * PIXEL_SIZE + 'px'
cloud.appendChild(puff)
}
}
}
return cloud
}
clouds = []
function randomPosition(max) {
return Math.round(randomInt(-400, max)/PIXEL_SIZE)*PIXEL_SIZE
}
function addCloud(randomLeft) {
var cloudiness = 0.3
if (Math.random() < cloudiness) {
newCloud = {
x: randomLeft ? randomPosition(document.documentElement.clientWidth) : -400,
el: makeCloud()
}
newCloud.el.style.top = randomPosition(document.documentElement.clientHeight) + 'px'
newCloud.el.style.left = newCloud.x + 'px'
document.body.appendChild(newCloud.el)
clouds.push(newCloud)
}
}
function animateClouds() {
var speed = 25
addCloud()
var newClouds = []
for (var i=0; i<clouds.length; i++) {
var cloud = clouds[i]
cloud.x += speed
if (cloud.x > document.documentElement.clientWidth) {
document.body.removeChild(cloud.el)
} else {
cloud.el.style.left = cloud.x + 'px'
newClouds.push(cloud)
}
}
clouds = newClouds
}
function changeMessage(msg) {
var msgEl = document.getElementById('message')
msgEl.innerHTML = msg || randomChoice(messages)
}
function startMessages() {
try {
if (window.sessionStorage) {
var times
if (sessionStorage.times) {
times = ++sessionStorage.times
} else {
times = sessionStorage.times = 0
}
var msg = 'you have refreshed this page '+times+' time'+(times != 1 ? 's' : '')+'.'
messages.push(msg)
}
} catch (e) {}
setInterval(function() { changeMessage() }, 10*1000)
}
messages = [
'f5... f5... f5... f5... f5... F5F5F5F5F5F5F5',
'go outside',
'so, this weather...',
'go look at reddit or something',
'go ahead, click refresh again.',
'maybe there\'s something new on <a href="https://twitter.com/pulsir">@pulsir</a>',
'go look at our source and <a href="http://github.com/pulsir">see if you can find the bug</a>.',
'go watch sherlock or something',
'hodor!',
'it\'s not you, it\'s us.',
'maybe I\'ll go write a blog po... ah, right.',
'maybe we\'ll finally update it.',
'nooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo!',
'well, there goes our uptime.',
'GSOD: green screen of downtime',
'wat',
'SHUT DOWN EVERYTHING'
]
function start() {
if (arguments.callee.ran) { return; }
arguments.callee.ran = true
startMessages()
setInterval(animateClouds, 2*1000)
for (n=0; n<50; n++) {
addCloud(true)
}
}
if (document.addEventListener) {
document.addEventListener('DOMContentLoaded', start, false)
}
window.onload = start
</script>
</head>
<body>
<div id="container">
<div id="title">
<h1>pulsir is down</h1>
<h2>ask M.B.M. why</h2>
<h3 id="message"></h3>
</div>
</div>
</body>
</html>