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Asshole Policies

Regrettably, these are all real policies from a Software Development company.
If you have any suggestions of other policies, please send them my way!

If you put these in place, you will find an increase in staff turnover

Working From Home

  1. Home working is available for a maximum of one day a week
  • You cannot work from home on a week where you are taking a holiday day or have been ill
  1. Before working from home, you must submit a Health and Safety Assessment report
  2. Home Working should must be arranged in advance, giving the business enough time to plan around it
  3. Employees must remain flexible and be able to change their plans based on business needs at any time
  4. The same weekday cannot be used to work from home every week
  5. If a homeworking day is to coincide with an event such as delivery or repair, this must be declared and you must clock out for the time taken
  6. Home working cannot be used for child care
  7. Equipment will not be provided, however any equipment used must meet health and safety requirements and may need to be checked.

Headphones

  1. Headphones must not be worn away from your desk
  2. Headphone audio must not be audible to any other member of staff
  3. Headphone music must not prevent you from answering the phone on your group of desks
  4. Out of courtesy, headphones must be removed if a staff member approaches your desk
  5. Streaming of content using company internet is strictly prohibited
  6. Content must be background based and not distracting in any way (Podcasts, Audio books, Football Matches etc.)
  7. Headphones must not be detrimental to productivity

Flexible Working Hours

  1. Staff must be available during core working hours: 10am-4pm
  2. A maximum of 10 hours can be worked in a single day
  3. Staff must make sure they are available outside core hours for meetings where needed
  4. Flexible working hours are only available to senior/management levels
  5. Flexible hours cannot be carried over from one week to the next
  6. Staff should be aware of their line managers availability and plan their time accordingly
  7. Each week, one member of each time will be required to work standard office hours to ensure there is always cover available
  8. Personal appointments (dentist, doctor, school, professional advisor) should be booked outside of working hours
  9. Smoking may only be performed outside of core office working hours
  10. Staff should not record start times until they are ready to work and that person should be engaged in normal work.(I.e. not office arrival time or before using office time to have breakfast in the office, browse the web, etc.)
  11. Staff should try to plan their working time 1 week in advance and book time in their Outlook calendar to indicate when they are expecting to not work.
  12. The operation of Flexible Working Hours is on a trial basis and may be withdrawn, if it is not deemed to be operating effectively.