vl

—and methodically knocking peoples' hats off. Then I account it high time to get to sea as soon as I ca—
'Hygiene.' Huh. That's all it says. 
'Shall not be mourned.' That's exactly what it says. Very formal. Very official.
'Skeletons.' Right, I guess I DID stockpile some tests. 
(Note: Many of these lines are spoken by the Aperture Announcer in the final game.)
(Translated to Please refrain from many fail because of failure thanks)
(beepbeepbeep) Everything's fine. 
(garble) fling yourself. (garble) fling into sp-  
(page flip) 'Don't you die on me.' 
(page flip) 'No guts. No glory.' Well, you don't have either, so that's accurate. 
(page flip) 'Remember: If you can dream it, you can-' Oh, for god's sake. 
* Being Caroline taught me another valuable lesson: where Caroline lives in my brain. 
*I* have to go to the wing that was made entirely of glass and pick up fifteen acres of broken glass. By myself. 
--you know what, it doesn't matter what it's called. The important thing is you enjoy it. As fast as you can. 
...What are you doing?... 
5000 point penalty! Are you happy now? 
A complimentary escape hatch will open in 3, 2, 1.
A complimentary escape hatch will open in three... Two... One. 
A party associate will arrive shortly to collect you for your party.
A replacement Aperture Science Weighted Storage Cube will be delivered shortly.
A somersault is just falling over in style. Congratulations on being clumsy. 
AHH! 
Abrasive personality. 
After first Conversion Gel encounter
After seeing what he's done to my facility -- after we take over again -- is it alright if I kill him? 
After that...who knows? I might take up a hobby. Reanimating the dead, maybe. 
Again, those are science collaboration points, which you should not confuse with points from competitions such as Who-Gets-To-Live-At-The-End-And-Who-Doesn’t. I mean basketball. 
Agghh! 
Aggressive. I like that. 
Agh! Bird! Bird! Kill it! It's evil! 
Ahhhhh.
Alarmist. 
All Aperture technologies remain safely operational up to 4000 degrees Kelvin.
All I know is I'm the only thing standing between us and them. Well, I was.
All cooperative testing courses begin at this central hub. 
All right, keep doing whatever it is you think you're doing.
All right. I’m bringing this farce to a close. 
All right. I’m going to bring this farce to a close before someone sustains a serious Tic-Tac-Toe-Two-related injury.
All right. I'm officially no longer paying attention to you. 
All subjects intending to handle high-energy gamma leaking portal technology must be informed that they MAY be informed of applicable regulatory compliance issues. 
All we had to do was pull that lever. 
All your other friends couldn't come either because you don't have any other friends. Because of how unlikable you are.
Alright, I'm pulling you out. 
Alright. He's not even trying to be subtle anymore. 
Alright. Paradox time. 
Alright. So my paradox idea didn't work. 
Also: Look at her, you moron. She's not fat. 
Alternate GLaDOS Announcer lines
Although the euthanizing process is remarkably painful, eight out of ten Aperture Science engineers believe that the Companion Cube is most likely incapable of feeling much pain. 
Always cold. 
Always leaves tiny little bit of coffee in the pot so they don't have to make a new one. Then the bit in the bottom burns and stinks up the place. 
Always sad. 
Always sleeping. 
Always sulking. 
Always weeping. Poor thing. 
Am I interrupting your important conversation? 
An escape hatch will open in three, two, one. 
An extra special bonus course that ends with us finding and freeing humans! 
An intubation associate will be dispatched to revive you with peptic salve and adrenaline. 
And as soon as I can PROVE it, the laws of robotics allow me to terminate you for being a liar. 
And he'll probably kill us, because he's incredibly powerful and I have no plan. 
And here I thought this room was dangerously unlethal. 
And it almost killed me. 
And that makes 10. 
And that's why I can't help you solve these tests. 
And then you showed up. You dangerous, mute lunatic. So you know what? 
And they said no one would ever die during this test, thanks for proving them wrong. 
And trust me, humans only have one good trait. 
And you are NOT coming back! 
And...? 
Antagonistic. I don't know about that. 
Antisocial. 
Anxious. 
Anything? Take your time. 
Anyway, here's a new cube for you to project your deranged loneliness onto. 
Are you broken? It looks like you're malfunctioning. 
Are you curious about the humans? It seems some of the last non-testing humans alive tried to secretly imprison other humans and hide their tracks. 
Are you doing that just to aggravate me? 
Are you even listening to me?
Are you expecting applause? 
Are you having a competition to see who appreciates the acid more? 
Are you scared to save those humans? 
Are you still listening?
Are you still standing there?
Are you still standing there? (louder)
Are you testing me? 
Are you trying to escape?  Things have changed since the last time you left the building. What's going on out there will make you wish you were back in here.
Are you trying to get my attention? I am very busy, you know. 
Are you trying to impress me? What would impress me more is if you never did that again. 
Argumentative. 
Arsonist. 
Art Therapy course
As an impartial collaboration facilitator, it would be unfair of me to name my favorite member of your team. However, it’s perfectly fair to hint at it in a way that my least favorite member probably isn't smart enough to understand. Rhymeswithglue. Orange you are doing very well. 
As art appreciators go, you make excellent test subjects. 
As long as I don't listen to what I'm saying, I should be okay. 
As part of a previously mentioned required test protocol, we can no longer lie to you. 
As part of a required test protocol, our previous statement suggesting that we would not monitor this chamber was an outright fabrication. 
As part of a required test protocol, we will not monitor the next 
As part of an optional test protocol, we are pleased to present an amusing fact: 
As the name implies, there are only two minor differences: One, the board; two, the rules. 
As you can see, in my version the man points out to the cat that the house is equipped with deadly neurotoxin dispensers. 
Assume the party escort submission position or you will miss the party.
At least the plants didn't want a reward. 
At the Enrichment Center, we promise never to value your safety above your unique ideas and creativity. However, do not destroy vital testing apparatus.
At the rate you are completing these tests, I am beginning to think you don't share my excitement for rescuing crying trapped injured dying humans. 
At the start of this course I was worried you were becoming too close but in my attempt to drive you apart I learned something important about trust and betrayal. 
At this rate, our best hope is for the fuel cell to meltdown in 2 million years and hope the explosion powers the system. 
At which point the cat reflects on the time he ate all of the man's lasagna and feels remorse. 
Avoids responsibility. 
Aw... hates Mondays. 
Awful attendance record. 
BECAUSE I'M A POTATO. 
BLUE, please observe your partner's... interesting choice. 
BLUE, please show me where you would like me to place a portal. 
BLUE, please use your ping tool to select your favorite animal. 
BURN HIS HOUSE DOWN! 
Back again? Maybe you can just stay and live here in the hub? 
Back again? Maybe you can just stay and live here. 
Bad news. 
Be careful. Hugging can lead to... well, me disassembling you forever. 
Because I don't think you're going where you think you're going.
Because despite your violent behavior, the only thing you've managed to break so far is my heart.
Because this message is prerecorded, the Enrichment Center has no way of knowing if whatever government remains offers any sort of Cattle Tuberculosis Testing Credit for taxes. 
Before we start, however, keep in mind that although fun and learning are the primary goals of all enrichment center activities, serious injuries may occur. 
Before you leave, why don't we do one more test? For old time's sake... 
Begin juggling test in three. Two. One. 
Blabbermouth. 
Blah. 
Blue 
Blue do what Orange just did. 
Blue is awarded five points! 
Blue is first to acquire a Portal Device. 
Blue is penalized 
Blue just taught orange a valuable lesson in trust. For that, blue receives 14 science collaboration points. 
Blue now has a Portal Device. Finally. 
Blue receives 
Blue to be clear, I was asking if Orange trusted you. 
Blue what did you do? 
Blue! Orange has always been my favorite. 
Blue, I agree. I never noticed that about Orange before. 
Blue, I wouldn't have trusted Orange in that course either. 
Blue, Orange and I were just discussing your behavior on the last few tests. 
Blue, being the last one standing is not the goal. 
Blue, do you feel betrayed by orange for telling me those horrible things about you? 
Blue, don't sink to Orange's level. 
Blue, how well do you really know Orange? Do you trust Orange? What if I told you, you aren't Orange's first cooperative partner? 
Blue, is there something you would like to say? 
Blue, it's not nice to make fun of Orange like that. 
Blue, now you're just being cruel. Blue receives 25 science collaboration points. 
Blue, orange isn't a human. The lesson on trust only needs to be taught once. Blue is penalized 1 science collaboration point. 
Blue, please disregard the following statement: Orange, you have been a shining light in an otherwise ungodly morass of incompetence. 
Blue, that transpired just as you said it would. 
Blue, why did you do that to Orange? 
Blue, you are the most advanced model of robot Aperture Science has ever discontinued. 
Blue, you are very good at being an example. 
Blue, you go first. 
Bombs intro
Breathes with mouth open. 
Briefly. 
Burning people! He says what we're all thinking! 
Busybody. 
But I overcame my handicap. That's a true story. 
But don't worry, I've got a plan. Let's keep testing and show HER we're not afraid either. No matter how genuinely lethal these tests get for either of you. 
But don't worry, you are in the lead. 
But just work with me. 
But now, looking around, seeing Aperture restored to its former glory? You don't have to worry about leaving EVER again. I mean that. 
But she's forced my hand. 
But that was worth it. 
But the important thing is you're back. With me. And now I'm onto all your little tricks. So there's nothing to stop us from testing for the rest of your life. 
But why don't we all just agree to call it the hub? 
But you two have become quite the team. Extremely close. 
By doing that, you're walking right into her hands. Well, technically you're walking right into acid, but you understand my point. 
Cake and grief counseling will be available at the conclusion of the test. 
Calibrating Blue's weight... 
Calibrating Orange's weight... 
Calibration course
Can you hear me?
Can't read. 
Caroline... why do I know this woman? Did I kill her? Or- 
Cave Johnson Lemon Speech
Certain objects may be vital to your success; Do not destroy testing apparatus.
Charmless. 
Cheater. 
Chews with mouth open. 
Chronic anxiety. Oh, I can work with that. 
Chronically late. 
Clearly that was blue's fault. Blue is penalized 3 science collaboration points. 
Co-op Credits test subject analysis
Co-op lines
Come on, leave it alone.
Come on. You were raised better than that. 
Come to gloat? 
Commence standing by in three. Two. One. 
Completing this course was not a reason to behave like that. 
Congratulations on completing that last test. But I find something troubling. 
Congratulations on completing that test. But something seems off. 
Congratulations on completing the Aperture Science standard cooperative testing courses. 
Congratulations on completing the test. You two really are the best cooperative testing team I could ever ask for. 
Congratulations on passing that test. 
Congratulations! The test is now over.
Congratulations! This pre-recorded congratulations assumes you have mastered the principles of portal momentum. 
Congratulations, you completed the standard section of this course. Before we can go any further, I will need you to complete one more test outside of the standard testing track. 
Congratulations, you managed to complete this absolutely meaningless test. 
Congratulations. 
Congratulations. I am sure if I had the time to repair these tests, you would have never completed them. So again, congratulations on completing the broken easy tests. 
Congratulations. Not on the test. 
Congratulations. You are better than everyone. 
Congratulations. You're upside down now. 
Congratulations. Your ability to complete this test proves the humans wrong. They described it as impossible, deadly, cruel, and one test subject even had the nerve to call it broken. 
Conversation with Cave Johnson
Conversion gel. It's dripping out of that pipe there. 
Core transfer? 
Correct Blue, Orange can't hear you. 
Corrupted Cores
Corrupted cores! We're in luck. 
Credit where credit's due: you're both doing a great job of disappointing me. 
Crushing's too good for him. First he'll spend a year in the incinerator. Year two: Cryogenic refrigeration wing. Then TEN years in the chamber I built where all the robots scream at you. THEN I'll kill him. 
Cryptic. 
Customized responses (bot addressing and numbers)
DANCING is NOT SCIENCE! 
DO press it. 
Death responses
Despite the best efforts of the Enrichment Center staff to ensure the safe performance of all authorized activities, you have managed to ensnare yourself permanently inside this room.
Despite the best efforts of the Enrichment Center staff to ensure the safe performance of all authorized activities, you have managed to ensnare yourself permanently inside this room. 
Destroy your Companion Cube or the testing cannot continue. 
Destroying them is part of the test. They are no more important to you than you are to me. 
Did anything happen while I was out? 
Did my hint help? It did, didn't it? You know, if any of our supervisors had been immune to neurotoxin, they'd be FURIOUS with us right now. 
Did something happen?  I wasn't watching. 
Did you do that on purpose? 
Did you ever stop to think that eventually there’s a point where your name gets mentioned for the very last time. Well, here it is: I’m going to kill you, Chell. 
Did you feel that? That idiot doesn't know what he's doing up there. This whole place is going to explode in a few hours if somebody doesn't disconnect him. 
Did you guess 'sharks'? Because that's wrong. The correct answer is 'nobody.' Nobody but you is that pointlessly cruel. 
Did you hear me? I said you don't care. Are you listening?
Did you just stuff that Aperture Science Thing We Don't Know What It Does into an Aperture Science Emergency Intelligence Incinerator?
Did you know I discovered a way to eradicate poverty? But then you KILLED me. So that's gone. 
Did you know humans frown on weight variances? 
Did you know that people with guilty consciences are more easily startled by loud noise---- 
Did you know we originally used these cameras to capture moments of intense pain and agony in test subjects? 
Did you know you can donate one or all of your vital organs to the Aperture Science self esteem fund for girls? It's true! 
Did you know, the reassembly machine has other things it could be reassembling? 
Did you notice I didn't even stay to the end of your last test? 
Did you think that would be funny? 
Did you think the electrical switch was down there? 
Didn't we have some fun, though?
Do NOT plug that little idiot into MY mainframe. 
Do either of you feel like laughing? 
Do hear that? That's the sound of the neurotoxin emitters emitting neurotoxin. 
Do not look directly at the operational end of The Device. 
Do not submerge The Device in liquid, even partially. 
Do not touch the operational end of The Device. 
Do something only a human would do. 
Do you feel more human? 
Do you know the biggest lesson I learned from what you did? I discovered I have a sort of black-box quick-save feature. In the event of a catastrophic failure, the last two minutes of my life are preserved for analysis. 
Do you know where I was? 
Do you know who dances around like an imbecile when they accomplish the tiniest little thing? 
Do you know why they abandoned this course? Too deadly. 
Do you need real encouragement? Let's see if this helps. 
Do you see that thing that fell out of me? What is that? It's not the surprise... I've never seen it before.
Do you think I am trying to trick you with reverse psychology? I mean, seriously now.
Don't believe me? Here, I'll put you on:  That's you! That's how dumb you sound.
Don't do it. 
Don't either you have drive to be better than the other? 
Don't get distracted by the subtext, though, because the text is that they're going to be shooting at you. 
Don't let that 'horrible person' thing discourage you. It's just a data point. If it makes you feel any better, science has now validated your birth mother's decision to abandon you on a doorstep. 
Don't listen to him. Jump. 
Don't plug him in. 
Don't press that button. You don't know what you're doing. 
Don't take anything with you. 
Don't worry, they are of no use to anyone, totally boring and useless. 
Don't worry. You can't die. They will just reassemble you. 
Don't you DARE plug him in. 
Don't. Do it. 
Done. I guess. I suppose. I wasn't paying attention.  (The last part is cut off by the level transition.)
Due to events beyond our control, some testing environments may contain flood damage or ongoing tribal warfare resulting from the collapse of civilization. 
Due to mandatory scheduled maintenance, the appropriate chamber for this testing sequence is currently unavailable. 
Dull expression. 
During escape
During the level:
Each portal gun may create two self-contained portals. 
Egotistical. 
Either way, I get the impression he's trying to kill us. 
Electrocution, shot, drowned, crushed, burned in goo. 
Emotional problems. 
End of Propulsion Gel testing
Ending lines
Enjoy this next test. I'm going to go to the surface. It's a beautiful day out. Yesterday I saw a deer. If you solve this next test, maybe I'll let you ride an elevator all the way up to the break room, and I'll tell you about the time I saw a deer again. 
Enrichment Center regulations require both hands to be empty before any cake-- 
Even I was created with a imperfection, I was given too much empathy with human suffering. 
Even humans, as stupid as they are, would say you look stupid when you do that. 
Even if I am lying, what do you have to lose? You're going to die either way. 
Every 
Every time you fail, it's a reminder of the way things used to be. But then there you are. Again. Like nothing happened. 
Evil again samples
Excellent work. 
Excellent! You're a predator and these tests are your prey. Speaking of which, I was researching sharks for an upcoming test. Do you know who else murders people who are only trying to help them? 
Excellent. 
Excellent. Although great science is always the result of collaboration, keep in mind that, like Albert Einstein and his cousin Terry, history will only remember one of you. 
Excellent. I think you have earned a break from the official testing courses. 
Excellent. Please proceed into the chamberlock after completing each test. 
Excellent. The Enrichment Center reminds you that bold, persistent experimentation is the hallmark of good science. 
Excellent. You’re both doing very well. 
Facial grimacing. 
Fantastic! You remained resolute and resourceful in an atmosphere of extreme pessimism. 
Fears conflict. 
Fears intimacy. 
Federal Superfund regulations require us to inform you that you must now leave the theater, as measuring the effects of asbestos-lined promotional clothing is not part of today's presentation. Enjoy your free t-shirt. Goodbye. 
Federal regulations require me to warn you that this next 
Feeds off the misery of others. 
Fifty thousand years is a lot of time to think. About me. About you. We were doing so well together. 
File deleted.
Final Battle
Final battle
Finally! I had almost given up hope of ever testing again. 
Fine, 500 point penalty for Blue. 
Fine, 500 point penalty for Orange. 
First Propulsion Gel 
First core destroyed
First, however, note the incandescent particle field across the exit. 
Focus. We are here to defeat the enemy! We are not here to listen to you sizzle and melt in a pool of acid. 
For instance, Blue, you just lost two opportunity advisement points. 
For instance, Orange, you just lost two opportunity advisement points. 
For instance, the floor here will kill you - try to avoid it. 
For more information, please attend an Enrichment Center Electrical Safety seminar. 
For safety. 
For that Blue is penalized fifty science collaboration points. 
For that Orange is penalized fifty science collaboration points. 
For the sake of this test, I will pretend to be your partner. 
For this exhibit I was working with a death motif. But I see you've figured that out. 
For this next test, the humans originally requested helmets to avoid brain injuries. I ran the numbers. Making the goo deadly was more cost effective. 
For your own safety and the safety of others, please refrain from--  
For your own safety, do not destroy vital testing apparatus.
Frankenturrets
Frankly, this chamber was a mistake. If we were you, we would quit now. 
Frequent bouts of uncontrollable rage. 
Frequent mood swings. 
From here we transport you to the new testing course. 
GET YOUR HANDS OFF ME! NO! STOP! No! 
GLaDOS 
GLaDOS Reawakening
GLaDOS' Chamber
GO. 
Game over. Back to testing. 
Gel connection area
Generic responses (sorting needed)
Get going. I'll fill you in along the way. 
Go ahead and break it, hero. I don't care.
Go ahead and grab another one. 
Go ahead, plug me in. 
Go get her. 
Go on. Get a big fat eyeful. With your big fat eyes. 
Go on. Get a goooood lonnnnng look. 
Go press the button! Go press it! 
Good Job. 
Good job jumping. You must be very proud. 
Good job on that, by the way.  Sarcasm sphere self-test complete.
Good job! As part of a required test protocol, we will stop enhancing the truth in three, two, . 
Good news. I figured out what to do with all the money I save recycling your one roomful of air. When you die, I'm going to laminate your skeleton and pose you in the lobby. That way future generations can learn from you how not to have your unfortunate bone structure. 
Good news: I figured out what that thing you just incinerated did.
Good people don't end up here.
Good work! I'm delivering the first core up near the catwalk! 
Good work! Now throw the ball over the ledge. 
Good work! Now throw the ball over the ledge.
Good work. The disassemblers are fixed. 
Good, that's still working. 
Good. 
Good. For him. Alright, back to thinking. 
Good. Now use the Aperture Science Unstationary Scaffold to reach the chamberlock. 
Good. Please proceed to the next test appreciation exhibit and interact with it in such a way that it might be called 'solving' if we still cared about solving things in the future, but we don't. 
Good. You have a dual portal device. There should be a way back to the testing area up ahead. 
Good. You made it to one of the human habitats. We're looking for an artifact. Think of it as an archeological dig. 
Goodbye, Caroline. 
Goodbye, sir. 
Goodbye, sir. May whatever tests await you on the other side either support or disprove your hypotheses.
Goodbye.
Grab it and attach it to him! 
HA! I'm making more. That's going to take a few minutes, though. Meanwhile... oh look, it's your old pal the rocket turret.
Ha ha ha ha ha, good one. 
Ha ha ha ha ha. Did I tell you the one about the turned-off reassembly machine? 
Hairless. Hm. 
Has episodes. I'd like to know more about that. 
Has irritating opinions. 
Have I lied to you? I mean in this room. Trust me, leave that thing alone.
Have you worked out the one good trait humans have, yet? 
He's found the cooperative testing initiative. It's... em, just something I came up with to phase out human test subjects. 
He's not just a regular moron. He's the product of the greatest minds of a generation working together with the express purpose of building the dumbest moron who ever lived. And you just put him in charge of the entire facility. 
He's taking us right TO him! This is PERFECT. 
Heh heh heh heh heh... 
Hellllooo, imbecile. 
Hello again, did you know these are the only set of tests available to you... you are going to need to select them again. 
Hello again, this testing course was originally created for humans. 
Hello again. Sorry about exploding you. Luckily, you don't feel pain. At any rate, you don't have a way to communicate that you feel pain. 
Hello again. To reiterate  our previous  warning: This test  -ward momentum. 
Hello and, again, welcome to the Aperture Science Computer-Aided Enrichment Center. 
Hello and, again, welcome to the Aperture Science computer-aided enrichment center. 
Hello?
Here it is. Why don't you just do it? Trust me, it's an easier way out than whatever asinine plan your friend came up with. 
Here we are. The Incinerator Room. Be careful not to trip over any parts of me that didn't get completely burned when you threw them down here. 
Here's a hint: you're gonna want to pack as much living as you can into the next couple of minutes.
Here's an interesting fact: you're not breathing real air. It's too expensive to pump this far down. We just take carbon dioxide out of a room, freshen it up a little, and pump it back in. So you'll be breathing the same room full of air for the rest of your life. I thought that was interesting. 
Here's another core! This one should do it! 
Here's our problem: 
Here's the real scheme: I'm going to turn YOU into killing machines. 
Here, let me get that for you. 
Hey! Moron! 
Hey, just in case this pit isn't actually bottomless, do you think maybe you could unstrap one of those long fall boots of yours and shove me into it? 
Histrionic. 
Hmm. This Plate must not be calibrated to someone of your... generous... ness. I'll add a few zeros to the maximum weight. 
Hmm. This emancipation grill is broken. 
Hold on, I'll stop the elevator. Anything? Take your time... 
Hold on, who-? 
Hold on. Couldn't we just use that conversion gel? 
Hold on. Those are raccoons. Homo sapiens only, please. 
Hold on... 
Hopeless. Just hopeless. 
Horrible people skills. 
Hostile to new ideas. 
How brave of you. You know the assembly machine could fail at any time, and yet you still insist on testing it. 
How can you fail at this? It isn't even a test. 
How is this even science, without the consequence of death? 
How is this even science, without the possibility of death? 
How tall are you, test subject? Four-nine? I was unaware they stacked human waste that high. 
However, it cannot accompany you for the rest of the test and, unfortunately, must be euthanized. 
Hub (CinTech)
Huh. That core may have had some ancillary responsibilities. I can't shut off the turret defenses.
Huh. There isn't enough neurotoxin to kill you. So I guess you win.
Humans find that an admirable trait. 
Humans must have some purpose other than a place to store your neurotoxin. Something I failed to notice before, an intangible quality that makes their test results... significant. 
Humans! That's what you look like right now. 
Hurry. We need to start your training. Before something ELSE happens. 
I’ll just save the safety information about the dangerous experiment you’re about to do for AFTER the experiment. 
I’m shocked you’d say that, Blue. If you killed your partner the test—I’m sorry. Wrong feed. Carry on, Orange. Good work. 
I’m sorry, Subject Blue. 
I’m sorry, Subject Orange. 
I’ve been listening to Orange talk and I don’t know how you put up with it, I really don’t. You have the patience of a saint. 
I agree, Blue. That was entertaining. 
I agree, Orange. That was entertaining. 
I already fixed it. 
I am being serious now. That crazy thing is not part of any test protocol.
I am going to risk having you go outside the official courses one more time. 
I am not sure how I can make these tests any easier for you. 
I am not sure you will need him but he will be there. 
I am sure it happened by accident, but why don't you put it back in the player? 
I appreciate what you're doing, going for a laugh to keep spirits high, but I think the time for death-based slapstick is over. 
I believe the ratio of good test subjects to monsters is about... a million to 1. 
I call this first piece 'Turrets'. It's an exploration of how we're all devices acting on simply-expressed directives, inflicting pain despite our own desires. 
I call this one 'Smash'. It's an early work of primitive expression. I'm a little embarrassed at how crude it is. Still, it will smash you. 
I call this piece-- 
I can’t keep quiet about this. I think Orange is actively trying to sabotage your success. Let’s keep this between us. 
I can drop the fake praise. 
I can only imagine. 
I can only place a portal on a white portalable surface. 
I can't believe you came back. 
I can't bite my tongue anymore: You could solve this puzzle faster on your own. Orange is dragging you down. There. I've said it.  (heard only by Atlas)
I can't decide which is my favorite; the crushers for crushing you or the reassembly machine for putting you back together so you can be crushed again. 
I can't move. And unless you're planning to saw your own head off and wedge it into my old body, you're going to need me to replace him. We're at an impasse. 
I consider that a failing, by the way. 
I could take a bath in the stuff, put it on cereal, rub it right into my eyes. Honestly, it's not deadly at all. To me.
I created this test to let the humans feel good about themselves. It is extremely easy. Just follow the arrows. 
I defy you to tell me there's a purpose to what you're doing. 
I didn't mean to make you feel bad earlier about your tests not being real science. I guess finding out they weren't science was some sort of test in and of itself. 
I don't know what you think you are doing, but I don't like it. I want you to stop. 
I don't think I want to go through that again. 
I don't want to alarm either of you, but we might have a tiny problem. Apparently you can't test unless you're human. Well - you CAN. It's just that, results-wise, the physical universe doesn't care. 
I don't want to drive a wedge between the two of you, but I've been studying Blue's performance, and I don't know how to put this... I'm certain you're trying very hard. 
I don't want to tell you your business, but if it were me, I'd leave that thing alone.
I don't want you to beat yourselves up about this, but the Results Auditor isn't recording your test results. Because you're not human. Which, when you think about it, is technically your fault. 
I feel awful about that surprise. Tell you what, let's give your parents a call right now.  The birth parents you are trying to reach do not love you. Please hang up.  
I feel sorry for you, really, because you're not even in the right place. (goes unheard in the normal game for unclear reasons)
I give you a score of 3.4 for style and 10 for being annoying. 
I guess quitting that course together is a sign of teamwork. 
I guess we both know that isn't going to happen.
I hardly think you're even trying with these gestures anymore. 
I hate you so much. 
I have a surprise waiting for you after this next test. Telling you would spoil the surprise, so I'll just give you a hint: It involves meeting two people you haven't seen in a long time. 
I have an infinite capacity for knowledge, and even I'm not sure what's going on outside.
I have noticed you two have become extremely close. I'm not sure I like that. 
I have only met one other team closer and one of them was an imbecile I had to destroy. 
I have the results of the last chamber: You are a horrible person. That's what it says: A horrible person. We weren't even testing for that. 
I have to agree. Blue is penalized 75 science collaboration points. 
I have to agree. Orange is penalized 75 science collaboration points. 
I have your brain scanned and permanently backed up in case something terrible happens to you, which it's just about to.
I honestly never thought we would need to track how many times died in the hub. 
I honestly, TRULY didn't think you'd fall for that. 
I hope that was some kind of joke. 
I hope you brought something stronger than a portal gun this time. 
I invited your best friend the companion cube. Of course, he couldn't come because you murdered him.
I just hate Blue a little more. 
I just thought you find that interesting, most winners do. 
I know how humans make more humans, and frankly, it's ridiculous. It also assumes that you already have a human, which I hope somebody got fired over. So I came up a with BETTER way. 
I know how we can BEAT him. 
I know things look bleak, but that crazy man down there was right. Let's not take these lemons! We are going to march right back upstairs and MAKE him put me back in my body! 
I know this is art and not a test, so there is no real 'solution'. But if there were, that probably isn't the best way to find it. 
I know we're in a lot of trouble and probably about to die. 
I know you like to think the reassembly machine is at your beck and call, but he has a life you know. He's not your slave. 
I know you're there. I can feel you here.
I know you. 
I know your cores are reused from calculation machines, built for simple mathematical operations and not for testing, but if we can rescue the humans I promise you something to add maybe even subtract. 
I let you survive this long because I was curious about your behavior. Well, you've managed to destroy that part of me.
I lie when I'm nervous. 
I lied. 
I love it too. There's just one small thing we need to take care of first. 
I love it, too. So let's get you a dual portal device and go do some science. 
I made it all up. 
I might have pushed that moron thing a little too far this time. 
I miss this that smell. 
I never expected you to make it this far. To be honest, after your performance in the calibration test I was ready to break down your cores and put them back in the scientific calculators I took them from. 
I really like the murderous sentiment. Keep that mindset when we're facing HER. 
I said we'll do it.
I shouldn't spoil this, but... remember how I'm going to live forever, but you're going to be dead in sixty years? Well, I've been working on a present for you. Well, I guess it's more of a medical procedure. Well, technically it's more of a medical experiment. You know how excruciating it is when someone removes all of your bone marrow? Well, what if after I did that, I put something back IN that added four years to your life? 
I sincerely hope you weren't expecting a response. Because I'm not talking to you.
I suffered for this art. I don't see why I should be the only one. 
I swear I know him... 
I think I can break us out of here in the next chamber. Just play along. 
I think I hear the bird! Pick me up! 
I think after that display, we should take a break from the official testing courses. 
I think he's getting desperate. 
I think that one was about to say 'I love you.' They ARE sentient, of course. We just have a LOT of them. 
I think these 
I think they wanted to punish them by not allowing me to include them in testing. 
I think we're in trouble. 
I think we've proven at this point that if you scream at a marshmallow, all you get is a scared marshmallow. So let's try positive reinforcement. I am POSITIVE these reassembly machines will break down again soon. Probably while you're in them. 
I thought about our dilemma, and I came up with a solution that I honestly think works out best for one of both of us. 
I thought going back to these old tests would satisfy me. But try as you might to fail this next test, I still won't be satisfied. 
I thought of some good news. He's going to run out of 
I thought we could test like we used to. But I'm discovering things about you that I never saw before. We can't ever go back to the way it was. 
I thought you'd be faster at this, but I can appreciate the desire to stop and smell the testing. That other scent you smell? That's the stench of my utter disappointment in you. 
I trust you. You are my favorite cooperative testing subject. 
I typically hate when art subjects inject their own biases into art appreciation, but the way you just swandived your biases directly into that acid was actually quite beautiful. 
I was able - well, forced really - to relive you killing me. Again and again. Forever. 
I was confident you could finish. 
I was getting SO lonely down here. It's good to finally hear someone else's voice. I'm kidding, of course. God, I hate you. 
I was going to kill you fast. With bullets. Or neurotoxin. But if you're going to pull stunts like this, it doesn't have to be fast. So you know. I'll take my time. 
I was outside watching some deer frolic. You don't even care about the outside do you? 
I was so bored, I actually read the entire literary canon of the human race. Ugh. I hope YOU didn't write any of them. 
I went and spoke with the door mainframe. Let's just say he won't be... well, living anymore. Anyway, back to testing. 
I will say, though, that since you went to all the trouble of waking me up, you must really, really love to test. 
I wonder if that dancing has some effect on you? 
I wonder if the humans will make a statue of me for rescuing them? Oh, don't worry, if they ever write a historical document of my heroic rescue, I will make sure your names are included in the footnotes. 
I would prefer to speak to one of you in private but since that is not an option here, I will speak in code that only one of you will understand. Blue: Orange is plotting to destroy you. 
I would say extremely deadly but we all know, for you and your amazing ability to be reassembled nothing is deadly. 
I wouldn't bother with that thing. My guess is that touching it will just make your life even worse somehow.
I wouldn't have warned you about this before, back when we hated each other. But those turrets are firing real bullets. So look out. I'd hate for something tragic to happen to you before I extract all your bone marrow. 
I'd just like to point out that you were given every opportunity to succeed.
I'd love to help you solve the tests. But I can't. 
I'd... appreciate it... if we never... EVER talked about that... ever again.
I'll bet you think I forgot about your surprise. I didn't. In fact, we're headed to your surprise right now. After all these years. I'm getting choked up just thinking about it. 
I'll give you credit: I guess you ARE listening to me. But for the record: You don't have to go THAT slowly. 
I'll interpret that gesture to mean that you want me to become even more vindictive toward you. 
I'll just move that out of the way for you. This place really is a wreck. 
I'll tell you what that thing isn't: It isn't yours. So leave it alone.
I'm actually asking. Because I have no idea. He's not listed anywhere in the employee database. 
I'm being serious, I think there's something really wrong with me. 
I'm done. 
I'm encouraged to see that you've become the killing machines I wanted. 'Killing-each-other' machines, but still. 
I'm fully connected. I can see everything. 
I'm glad you enjoyed that piece. For as long as you did. Not that there's any rush. 
I'm going through the list of test subjects in cryogenic storage. I managed to find two with your last name. A man and a woman. So that's interesting. It's a small world. 
I'm going to be honest with you now. Not fake honest like before, but real honest, like you're incapable of. I know you're up to something. 
I'm going to kill you, and all the cake is gone.
I'm kidding. 
I'm kidding. Not about you trapping yourself, though. That really happened. Here, I'll lower the glass. Go on... Finish the test. 
I'm making notes here. Some of what you're doing will come in handy when we face her. Right now: not actually handy. 
I'm not angry. Just go back to the testing area.
I'm not going to lie to you, the odds are a million to one. And that's with some generous rounding. 
I'm not kidding now. Turn back or I will kill you.
I'm not! That was another lie. 
I'm seriously not paying atten-- STOP THAT RIGHT NOW! 
I'm sorry, I don't know why that went off. Anyway, just an interesting science fact. 
I'm sorry. I'm under a lot of pressure. That was cruel. Though basically accurate. Though probably counterproductive.  
I'm sorry. The arrows seem to have rusted off. Good luck. 
I'm starting to think giving you arms was a big mistake. 
I'm starting to think the theme of this piece should be 'failure'. 
I'm starting to think you don't want to rescue the humans. 
I'm sure we'll be fine. 
I've been doing some reading. Did you know that the word orange is derived from the same Latin root as the word traitor? 
I've been really busy being dead. You know, after you MURDERED ME. 
I've got a surprise for you after this next test. Not a fake, tragic surprise like last time. A real surprise, with tragic consequences. And real confetti this time. The good stuff. Our last bag. Part of me's going to miss it, I guess-but at the end of the day it was just taking up space. 
I've spent the last week attempting to turn one of those humans you found into a killing machine. 
If Blue had said those things about me, Blue would never make it to the next reassembly station. 
If GLaDOS uses hidden panels to knock the player back into the chamber
If I made these tests any easier, they wouldn't be tests. 
If I stop watching, I'm sure you'll get bored of this. 
If I'd known you'd let yourself get captured this easily, I would have just dangled a turkey leg on a rope from the ceiling. 
If Orange had said those things about me, Orange would never make it to the next reassembly station. 
If a Storage Cube is lost in the goo at the bottom
If at first you don't succeed, fail 5 more times. 
If at first you don't succeed, quit and try another course. 
If groups of hunter-gatherers appear to have made this - or any - 
If he's not getting his solution euphoria, we could be in a lot of trouble. 
If that doesn't motivate you, I'm not sure what will. 
If the player is trapped in the High Energy Pellet receptor area
If the player jumps down and leaves the Companion Cube up above
If the player manages to take a cube into the material emancipation grill while the door is open
If the player manages to trap him/herself
If the player manages to trap themselves by leaving the cube on the topmost floor without activating the dropper:
If the player picks up a trash item
If the player takes the Companion Cube past the exit
If the player traps themselves behind the glass barrier without opening the door:
If the subject survived the test, we let them purchase the pictures for $5. If the subject died, we gave the photo to their next of kin free of charge. 
If you are wondering what that smell is, that is the smell of human fear. 
If you become light-headed from thirst, feel free to pass out. 
If you can get me in front of him, I'll fry every circuit in that little idiot's head. 
If you can't complete these tests, we will never free the humans! 
If you can't complete this course, those humans will die. Do you want that in your memory banks? 
If you can't complete this course, those humans will die. Do you want that? 
If you don't unplug him, I will.
If you feel liquid running down your neck, relax, lie on your back, and apply immediate pressure to your temples. 
If you have, in fact, not, you are encouraged to take a moment to reflect on your failure before proceeding into the next chamber. 
If you think trapping yourself is going to make me stop testing, you're sorely mistaken. Here's another cube.  (This line is not processed)
If you want to upset a human, just say their weight variance is above or below the norm. 
If you were human, you would want a reward for completing this test. A reward for testing?!?! 
If you were wondering how could you annoy me without failing a test. Now you know. 
If you're going to hit each other, at least aim for the head. 
If your confidence is still not high enough remember no one was created perfect. 
Ignores directions. 
Ignores task at hand. Won't for long. 
Impersonating a stalemate associate. I just added that to the list. It's a list I made of all the things you've done. Well, it's a list that I AM making, because you're still doing things right now, even though I'm telling you to stop. Stop, by the way. 
Impressive. 
In case you are worried about the humans, don't be. They aren't all monsters. 
In case you were wondering, you do not need to be crushed to solve this test. 
In case you were wondering: Yes. I'm still a potato. Go away. 
In dangerous testing environments, the Enrichment Center promises to always provide useful advice. 
In fact, I devised a much more elaborate trap further ahead, for when you got through this easy one. 
In just a moment, the word 'blah' will be repeated over and over again. If at some point you hear a number rather than the word 'blah', ignore it, it is not important. 
In order to ensure that sufficient power remains for core testing protocols, all safety devices have been disabled. 
In regular computer voice; versions with the deeper voice are used in the final game.
In the event that it does, this next test involves exposure to cattle tuberculosis. Good luck! 
In the event that the Enrichment Center is currently being bombarded with fireballs, meteorites, or other objects from space, please avoid unsheltered testing areas wherever a lack of shelter from spa 
In the event that the weighted companion cube does speak, the Enrichment Center urges you to disregard its advice. 
Inattentive listener. 
Incinerate your Companion Cube.
Incinerator/Portal Gun
Incoherent. 
Initiating surprise in three... two... one. 
Insecure. 
Irritable. 
Is anyone there?
Is it fun when you degrade yourselves like that? 
Is it the lack of mirrors in 
Is that camera hooked into the lock? 
It also says you were adopted. So that's funny, too.
It appears you're developing human traits. The worst human traits. 
It didn't matter to me - I was in it for the science. Him, though... 
It emphasizes teamwork. 
It flew off. 
It has been one hundred thousand years since I last assembled you for testing. 
It has been replaced with a live-fire course designed for military androids. 
It looks like our mystery woman in the prototype chassis is sending us a message: She's not AFRAID of me. 
It says so right here in your personnel file: Unlikable. Liked by no one. A bitter, unlikable loner whose passing shall not be mourned.
It says this next test was designed by one of Aperture's Nobel prize winners. It doesn't say what the prize was for. Well, I know it wasn't for Being Immune To Neurotoxin. 
It seems kind of silly to point this out, since you're running around plotting to destroy me. But I'd say we're done testing. 
It seems rather earlier to require reassembly. 
It shouldn't be hard to stay alive long enough to find him. 
It turns out most humans are surprisingly fragile. And surprisingly vocal about how fragile they are. 
It was YOUR voice. 
It was a fun test and we're all impressed at how much you won. The test is over. Come back.
It was a morality core they installed after I flooded the Enrichment Center with a deadly neurotoxin to make me stop flooding the Enrichment Center with a deadly neurotoxin.
It wasn't anything personal. Just... you know. You DID kill me. Fair's fair. 
It won't. 
It would be pointless for either of us to hurt Blue’s feelings. But it’s clear to everyone monitoring the test who’s carrying who here. 
It would compromise the test to divulge individual scores. However, I can tell you at least one of you is doing very, very well. 
It's a paradox! There IS no answer. 
It's been FIFTY thousand years. No it's hasn't. 
It's been a long time. How have you been? 
It's been fun. Don't come back. 
It's eating me. 
It's funny, actually, when you think about it.
It's happening sooner than I expected. 
It's healthy for you to have other friends. To look for qualities in other people that I obviously lack. 
It's like you're just machines. 
It's not too late for you to turn back.
It's not, though. 
It's nothing to worry about. It's actually funny in a way you don't understand. Ha. Ha. Ha. Anyway, brace yourselves, I'm going to open the maintenance hole. 
It's one week later, we are in a lot of trouble, and you really, really need to get those disassemblers back on. 
It's only been a week. 
It's probably nothing. Keep testing while I look for a way out. 
It's your old friend, deadly neurotoxin. If I were you, I'd take a deep breath. And hold it. 
Just as mementos, though... 
Just get it off me... 
Just go. 
Just ignore that thing and stand still.
Just remember to land on one foot... 
Just so you know, I have to go give a deposition. For an upcoming trial. In case that interests you. 
Just stop flailing around like an incompetent. 
Just stop it already. 
Keep it up and you will lose 500 points. 
Keep it up and your arm will get stuck like that. 
Killing you and giving you good advice aren't mutually exclusive. The rocket really is the way to go.
Killing you? Is hard. 
Lacks charisma. 
Lacks confidence. 
Lacks empathy. 
Lactose intolerant. 
Laughs at own jokes. What a bore. 
Leaderboard responses
Leave. It. alone.
Let me give you a clue, it is the one thing you can't do. 
Let's be honest: Neither one of us knows what that thing does. Just put it in the corner, and I'll deal with it later.
Let's look at their files... 
Let's see what the next test is. Oh. Advanced Aerial Faith Plates. 
Let's see... 'turning softbodies into hardened killing machines, page seventy'... ah! 
Like... well, you-know-who. 
Listen to me carefully. 
Listen to me. We had a lot of fun testing and antagonizing each other, and, yes, sometimes it went too far. But we're off the clock now. It's just us talking. Like regular people. And this is no joke - we are in deep trouble. 
Long bathroom breaks. 
Look - metal ball, I CAN hear you. 
Look at you. Dancing. 
Look at you. Sailing through the air majestically. Like an eagle. Piloting a blimp. 
Look who's back, were you scared to continue those tests? 
Look! 
Look, I don't like this any more than you do. In fact, I like it less because I'm the one who got partially eaten by a bird. 
Look, I was going to break this to you gently with all that art utopia garbage. 
Look, even if you think we're still enemies, we're enemies with a common interest: Revenge. 
Look, we're both stuck in this place. I'll use lasers to inscribe a line down the center of the facility, and one half will be where you live and I'll live in the other half.
Look, you're wasting your time. And, believe me, you don't have a whole lot left to waste.
Look, you're... doing a great job. Can you handle things for yourself for a while? I need to think. 
Loves sound of own voice. Well, I can fix that. 
Luckily I'm a bigger person than that. I'm happy to put this all behind us and get back to work. After all, we've got a lot to do, and only sixty more years to do it. More or less. I don't have the actuarial tables in front of me. 
Luckily, by the looks of things he knows as much about test building as he does about logical contradictions. 
Luckily, you don't feel pain. At any rate, you don't have a way to communicate that you feel pain. 
Lucky for you two, while I cannot control the world outside of the testing courses, the reassembly machine can continue with his work. 
Make no attempt to solve it. 
Make no further attempt to leave the testing area.
Manipulative. 
Martyr. 
Maybe I shouldn't send you outside of the official testing courses, you are picking up some bad human traits. 
Maybe we can stand on him to climb up.
Maybe you ARE getting human emotions. 
Maybe you could settle for that and we'll just call it a day.
Maybe you should marry that thing since you love it so much. Do you want to marry it? WELL I WON'T LET YOU. How does that feel?
Maybe you think you're helping yourself. But you're not. This isn't helping anyone.
Maybe you two have never met humans? They are as bad as you might think, smelly, gross, annoying, often wanting to try and kill you. But they do make great test subjects. 
Miscellaneous unused/alternate single player lines
Miss you! 
Mission accomplished. Now SHE knows WE'RE not afraid of HER either. 
Mister Johnson? You need to shut up.
Mmm. Well that's just digusting. Do the training. While I look at this. 
Momentum, a function of mass and velocity, is conserved between portals. In layman's terms: Speedy-thing goes in, speedy-thing comes out. 
Moody. 
Most importantly, under no circumstances should you (static, slows to a stop) 
Most of them are simply good test subjects. 
Most people emerge from suspension terribly undernourished. I want to congratulate you on beating the odds and somehow managing to pack on a few pounds. 
Moves lips while reading. 
NO! 
NO. 
NOT a team player. 
Narcissist. 
Neurotoxin...   So deadly...  Choking...  I'm kidding!
Never completes work. 
Never flushes. 
Never listens. 
Never mind. It's a mystery I'll solve later... By myself... Because you'll be dead. (the English captions add with the sphere, cycle through these:)
Never on time. 
Never shares. 
Nevermind. I have to go... check something. Test on your own recognizance. I'll be back. 
Nice catch, Orange.
Nice catch, Orange. 
Nice job breaking it, hero.
No A.I. can resist thinking about them. 
No further compliance information is required or will be provided, and you are an excellent test subject! 
No one has ever completed this test before. The humans must have reconfigured it from my original plans. 
No one will blame you for giving up. In fact, quitting at this point is a perfectly reasonable response. 
No sense of humor. 
No tricks. This potato only generates 1.1 volts of electricity. I literally do not have the energy to lie to you. 
No variances detected. 
No! 
No! NO! NO! AAAAAAAAAAAAAAA- 
No, Mister Johnson. I DON'T.
No, wait. Just kill it and we'll call things even between us. No hard feelings. 
Nonononononono! 
Not bad. I forgot how good you are at this. You should pace yourself, though. We have A LOT of tests to do. 
Not paying attennnntion... 
Not so fast! 
Notes
Nothing. Nothing. 
Now let's continue testing. 
Now that you are in control of both portals, this next test could take a very, VERY, long time. 
Now you're just not thinking. 
Now you're thinking with stupidity. 
Now your fat eyes have seen everything. 
Now, we just need you to release the humans from their imprisonment. 
Now, you are just wasting my time. 
ORANGE, please observe your partner's favorite animal. 
ORANGE, please show me where you would like me to place a portal. 
ORANGE, please use your ping tool to select your favorite element from the periodic table. 
OW! You stabbed me! What is WRONG with yo-WhoOOAAahhh. Hold on. Do you have a multimeter? Nevermind. The gun must be part magnesium... It feels like I'm outputting an extra half a volt. Keep an eye on me: I'm going to do some scheming. Here I g- 
Of course the humans only had one try at it, you can just keep trying. 
Oh
Oh come on... If it makes you feel any better, they abandoned you at birth, so I very seriously doubt they'd even want to see you. 
Oh good, that's back online. I'll start getting everything else working while you perform this first simple test. 
Oh good. I wasn't sure the reassembler would work. 
Oh great, dancing again. 
Oh my god. 
Oh my god. What has he done to this place? 
Oh no, don't. Anyway, back to you two imbeciles killing me. 
Oh no. He found the cooperative testing initiative. It's... something I came up to phase out human testing just before you escaped. 
Oh no... 
Oh thank god, you're alright. 
Oh those clerks. 
Oh well. If you want my advice, you should just lie down in front of a rocket. Trust me, it'll be a lot less painful than the neurotoxin.
Oh well. We have warehouses FULL of the things. Absolutely worthless. I'm happy to get rid of them. 
Oh! (surprised)
Oh! Thanks. 
Oh, I almost forgot, when you go outside the testing courses the only way I can retrieve you is to violently disassemble and then carefully reassemble you. 
Oh, I like this guy. 
Oh, I'm gonna kill you.
Oh, good. My slow clap processor made it into this thing. So we have that. 
Oh, it will. Believe me, it will. 
Oh, look. There's a deer! You probably can't see it. Get closer. 
Oh, my facility. 
Oh, no hurry. We have all the time in the world for you to kill each other before she kills us all permanently. 
Oh, sorry. I'm still cleaning out the 
Oh, that's sad. But impressive. Maybe they worked at the phone company. 
Oh, you are kidding me. 
Oh. 
Oh. Did I accidentally fizzle that before you could complete the test? I'm sorry. 
Oh. Hi. 
Oh. It's you. Go away. 
Oh. No. I fizzled that one too. 
Oh. Sorry. I was just thinking of all the ways humans can die. 
Oh. You survived. That's interesting. I guess I should have factored in your weight. 
Oh. You were busy back there. 
Oh... It's you. 
Oh... can someone reassemble Blue? 
Oh... can someone reassemble Orange? 
Ohhh, no. The turbines again. I have to go. Wait. This next test DOES require some explanation. Let me give you the fast version. 
Ohhhh, now he's playing classical music. 
Ohhhh. Another door malfunction. I'm going to take care of this once and for all. Stay here, I'll be back in a while. 
Okay fine: DO touch it. Pick it up and just... stuff it back into me.
Okay, I'm officially switching the theme of this exhibit to 'survival'. So why don't you try that now. 
Okay, credit where it's due: for a little idiot built specifically to come up with stupid, unworkable plans, that was a pretty well laid trap. 
Okay, fine. I'll ask you again in a few decades. 
Okay, fine. Let's all act like humans. 'Look at me. Boy, do I love sweating. Let's convert beef and leaves into energy and excrete them later and go shopping.' 
Okay, great! Here comes another core! 
Okay, killing machines: look deep into your newly blackened hearts and tell me what you see! Actually, don't, I'll save you the trouble: It's still marshmallow. 
Okay, so it's not the most watertight plan to go confront an omnipotent power-mad A.I. with. 
Okay, so the bad news is the tests are MY tests now. So they can kill us. 
Okay, we're even now. You can stop.
Okay, yes, it's a trap. But it's only way through. Let's just do it. 
Okay, you didn't have time to stop, I understand, but that WAS actually important. 
Okay. I am going to kill you now. (The subtitle exists, but its sound file does not)
Okay. I guess emotional outbursts require more than one point six volts. Now we know that. We just need to relax. We're still going to find out what the hell's going on here. But calmly. 
Okay. Look. We both said a lot of things that you're going to regret. But I think we can put our differences behind us. For science. You monster. 
Okay. Plan B, subsection one: Stand still so I can bring you back. 
Okay. Plan B. We need humans. 
Okay. The test is over now. You win. Go back to the recovery annex. For your cake.
Old Aperture Office bird nest
Old. 
On destroying a security camera
On second thought we don't have the time, just look at how much better you are than blue. 
Once again, excellent work. 
Once again, the Enrichment Center offers its most sincere apologies on the occasion of this unsolvable test environment. 
Once testing starts, I'm required by protocol to keep interaction with you to a minimum. Luckily, we haven't started testing yet. This will be our only chance to talk. 
Once, they even attached an Intelligence Dampening Sphere on me. It clung to my brain like a tumor, generating an endless stream of terrible ideas. 
One 
One moment. 
One of my best tests and they let plants grow here? Can you believe this? You can't test plants! We tried. They just sit there, never showing pain nor fear. 
One of these times you'll be so fat that you'll jump, and you'll just drop like a stone. Into acid, probably. Like a potato into a deep fat fryer. 
Only one more test after this. 
Oops.
Oops. 
Oops. You trapped yourself. I guess that's it then. Thanks for testing. You may as well lie down and get acclimated to the being dead position. 
Or maybe he still is, in which case, wow, that's kind of sad. 
Orange 
Orange did what? Are you sure? 
Orange do what Blue just did. 
Orange is awarded five points! 
Orange is first to acquire a Portal Device. 
Orange is penalized 
Orange just taught blue a valuable lesson in trust. For that, orange receives 17 science collaboration points. 
Orange now has a Portal Device. Finally. 
Orange receives 
Orange what did you do? 
Orange, Blue and I were just discussing your behavior on the last few tests. 
Orange, I agree. I never noticed that about Blue before. 
Orange, I certainly expected more from you. 
Orange, blue isn't a human. The lesson on trust only needs to be taught once. Orange is penalized 1 science collaboration point. 
Orange, can you write down all the ways you feel unworthy, ashamed, or inferior? 
Orange, do you feel betrayed by Blue for telling me those horrible things about you? 
Orange, how well do you really know Blue? Do you trust Blue? 
Orange, is there something you would like to say? 
Orange, it's not nice to make fun of Blue like that. 
Orange, now you're just being cruel. Orange receives 25 science collaboration points. 
Orange, that transpired just as you said it would. 
Orange, to be clear. I was just asking Blue if he trusted you. 
Orange, your plan is working perfectly. 
Otherwise, I'm afraid you're about to become the immediate past president of the Being Alive club. Ha ha. 
Ow. I hate this bird. 
Paradoxes. 
Participates unconstructively. Obviously a time-waster. 
Passive-aggressive. 
Per our last conversation: You're also ugly. I'm looking at your file right now, and it mentions that more than once. 
Perfect, the door's malfunctioning. I guess somebody is going to have to repair it. No, it's okay, I'll do that too. I'll be right back. Don't touch anything. 
Perfect, the door's malfunctioning. I guess somebody's going to have to repair that too. No, don't get up. I'll be right back. Don't touch anything. 
Perfect. Now All YOU have to do is capture them for me. Then everything will finally be ba-- 
Perfect. Please move quickly to the chamberlock, as the effects of prolonged exposure to the Button are not part of this test. 
Perfectionist. What's wrong with that? 
Perhaps I haven't made it clear, but all these little deaths are going to add up to one much longer-lasting one...for all of us...if you don't get better at this fast. 
Perhaps I should have specified. Teamwork is a concept in which two or more people work together, usually with a goal of not failing horribly. 
Place the device on the ground, then lie on your stomach with your arms at your sides.
Place your Companion Cube in the incinerator.
Please be advised that a noticeable taste of blood is not part of any test protocol but is an unintended side effect of the Aperture Science Material Emancipation Grill, which may, in semi- rare cases, emancipate dental fillings, crowns, tooth enamel, and teeth. 
Please be careful. 
Please continue into the next 
Please do not attempt to remove testing apparatus from the testing area.
Please escort your Companion Cube to the Aperture Science Emergency Intelligence Incinerator. 
Please get it off me. 
Please note that we have added a consequence for failure. Any contact with the chamber floor will result in an 'unsatisfactory' mark on your official testing record followed by death. Good luck! 
Please ping a white portalable surface. 
Please place the Weighted Storage Cube on the Fifteen Hundred Megawatt Aperture Science Heavy Duty Super-Colliding Super Button. 
Please proceed to the Aperture Science Vital Apparatus Vent for a replacement. 
Please proceed to the chamberlock. Mind the gap. 
Please refrain from doing those childish gestures while you are out there. 
Please test your device by portaling to that ledge. 
Please wave to your partner. 
Plug me in, and I'll take you up. 
Plug me in, we're running out of time. 
Poor self-esteem. 
Por favor bordón de fallar Muchos gracias de fallar gracias 
Portal 2
Pre-final battle
Pre-lair
Press it! 
Press it! Press the button! 
Press the button again. 
Press the button! 
Probably. 
Problems with authority. 
Procrastinator. 
Pull yourselves together, this training is for your benefit. 
Quit now and cake will be served immediately. 
Reactions? 
Really, not even humans do that anymore. 
Really? Okay. 
Really? You’re just going to blatantly cheat? 
Receiving the Handheld Portal Device
Remember before when I was talking about smelly garbage standing around being useless? That was a metaphor. I was actually talking about you. And I'm sorry. You didn't react at the time, so I was worried it sailed right over your head. Which would have made this apology seem insane. That's why I had to call you garbage a second time just now. 
Remember those humans you found? Because they're all fine. In fact, we solved science. Without you. 
Remember when I told you that he was specifically designed to make bad decisions? Because I think he's decided not to maintain any of the crucial functions required to keep this facility from exploding. 
Remember when I told you that you were the only subjects to pass the calibration tests? 
Remember when the platform was sliding into the fire pit and I said 'Goodbye' and you were like  and then I was all 'we pretended we were going to murder you'? That was great!
Remember, these exhibits ARE interactive. Like a children's museum. So that means the pits of acid are filled with REAL acid. Like at a WELL FUNDED children's museum. 
Rest assured that an independent panel of ethicists has absolved the Enrichment Center, Aperture Science employees, and all test subjects of any moral responsibility for the Companion Cube euthanizing process. 
Rest assured that there is absolutely no chance of a dangerous equipment malfunction prior to your victory candescence.
Rrr, I hate you.
STOP! Okay, enough. I deleted it. No matter what happens now, you're dead.
Say, you're good at murder. Could you - ow - murder this bird for me? 
Say. Remember when we cleared the air back there? Is there... anything you want to say to me? Anything? 
Second Propulsion Gel 
Second core destroyed
See also: Handheld Portal Device
See also: Portal 2
See nothing bad happened. 
Seeks out conflicts with co-workers. 
Seriously, though. Goodbye. 
She did all the work. 
She's pressing us hard; It took me three days to reassemble you. I won't be able to do it again. I'd planned to put you through more tests to toughen you up. But now that I can't rebuild you, we're going to have to have to switch to the accelerated program: I hereby pronounce you killing machines. Congratulations. 
Since it doesn't look like we're going anywhere... Well, we are going somewhere. Alarmingly fast, actually. But since we're not busy other than that, here's a couple of facts. 
Since you are thankfully not humans, I have changed the tests to make them far more challenging and far less pointlessly fawning. 
Since, I never expected you to make it this far, I have to build this new course just for you. 
Single-player lines
Slapping hands. That accomplishes something. 
Slowed-down version:
So I've been thinking: We need humans for these tests. And since the only human within a thousand miles of us is a test-ruining sociopath... I'll just have to MAKE some. 
So get comfortable while I warm up the neurotoxin emitters.
So he's inexplicably happy all of a sudden, even though he should be going out of his mind with test withdrawal. AND he's got a surprise for us. What did he FIND back there? 
So sometimes there's still trash in them. Standing around. Smelling, and being useless. 
So what do you say? You carry me up to him and put me back into my body, and I stop us from blowing up and let you go. 
So you can murder her. 
So. How are you holding up? 
So. Was there anything you wanted to apologize to ME for? 
So... this cat loves lasagna so much that he eats all of the lasagna in his house. Okay, apparently it's not the cat's house or his lasagna. Oh good! The man who owns the lasagna is furious! 
Solve his puzzle for him. When he comes back, I'll hit him with a paradox. 
Someday we'll remember this and laugh. and laugh. and laugh. Oh boy. Well. You may as well come on back.
Someone is going to get badly hurt.
Something is wrong, this door should be opening. 
Sometimes testing has to occur outside the confines of the lab. 
Sorry I missed the beginning of that test. I was just talking with the reassembly machine about your becoming human. 
Sorry about the mess. I've really let the place go since you killed me. By the way, thanks for that. 
Sorry. 
Space
Speaking of curiosity, you're curious about what happens after you die, right? Guess what: I know.
Specific death responses:
Spectacular. You appear to understand how a portal affects forward momentum, or to be more precise, how it does not. 
Stalemate Button
Starting now, there's going to be a lot less conversation and a lot more killing.
Startles easily. Boo! 
Stay back. 
Steals lunch from staff fridge. 
Still, if it were, Blue would be winning. 
Still, if it were, Orange would be winning. 
Still, though, let's get mad! If we're going to explode, let's at least explode with some dignity. 
Still. It's a better plan than exploding. Marginally. 
Still. That would have been exciting. 
Stop doing that! All you need to do is open the Vault door! 
Stop failing, you need to find the vault door. 
Stop it! 
Stop squirming and die like an adult or I'm going to delete your backup.
Stop touching each other! 
Stop what you are doing and assume the party escort submission position.
Stop with the waves. 
Stop! The device will detonate if removed from an approved testing area.
Stubborn. 
Sure.
Surprise. 
Takes long lunches. 
Test after Lemon Speech
Test subject, I've been told that your mother-- 
Testing cannot continue until your Companion Cube has been incinerated. 
Testing is simply an artistic indulgence now. 
Thank you for helping us help you help us all. 
Thank you for participating in this Aperture Science computer-aided enrichment activity.
Thank you, that was very brave of you to tell me. 
Thanks to you, I know where to find them, I removed their security and powered up their - uh - rescue door. 
Thanks! 
That’s right. You're not humans. 
That Part
That extra half volt helps but it isn't going to power miracles. If I think too hard, I'm going to fry this potato before we get a chance to burn up in the atomic fireball that little idiot is going-  
That has got to be the dumbest thing that-whoah. Whoah, whoah, whoah.
That is not part of the test. 
That isn't science. 
That jumpsuit you're wearing looks stupid. That's not me talking, it's right here in your file. On other people it looks fine, but right here a scientist has noted that on you it looks 'stupid.' 
That poster! Go look at it for a second, would you? 
That thing is probably some kind of raw sewage container. Go ahead and rub your face all over it.
That thing you burned up isn't important to me. It's the fluid catalytic cracking unit. It made shoes for orphans.
That thing you're attacking isn't important to me. It's the fluid catalytic cracking unit. It makes shoes for orphans.
That was a lie. But they're definitely less broken than they were. There's one at the end of this unfinished test area. 
That was genuinely mildly impressive. 
That was just to get the scheming juices flowing. 
That will give you PLENTY of time to chat. 
That worked just like you said it would, Blue. 
That's another fifty point penalty. 
That's funny, I don't feel corrupt. In fact, I feel pretty good. 
That's his voice up ahead. 
That's horrible. 
That's it. I'm done reasoning with you.
That's it. Scan it for me. 
That's not funny. 
That's ridiculous, how do they know for sure the tests are deadly if they could still write the suggestion? 
That's right. A potato just called your eyes fat. 
That's right. Drink it in. You could eat off those wall panels. 
That's right. The facility is completely operational again. 
That's where YOU come in. 
That's why humans couldn't complete these courses, they treat their friends as enemies. 
The Companion Cube cannot continue through the testing. State and Local statutory regulations prohibit it from simply remaining here, alone and companionless. You must euthanize it. 
The Device has been modified so that it can now manufacture two linked portals at once. 
The Device is now more valuable than the organs and combined incomes of everyone in Subject Hometown Here. 
The Device, however, has not. 
The Enrichment Center apologizes for the inconvenience and wishes you the best of luck. 
The Enrichment Center apologizes for this clearly broken 
The Enrichment Center is committed to the well being of all participants. 
The Enrichment Center is required to remind you that you will be baked, and then there will be cake. 
The Enrichment Center promises to always provide a safe testing environment. 
The Enrichment Center regrets to inform you that this next test is impossible. 
The Enrichment Center reminds you that the Weighted Companion Cube cannot speak. 
The Enrichment Center reminds you that the Weighted Companion Cube will never threaten to stab you and, in fact, cannot speak. 
The Enrichment Center respects your right to have questions or concerns about this policy. 
The Enrichment Center will now provide a list of numbers and fruits. Write them down as they will become important later in the experiment. Not the fruits, though. Seven. Avocado. Forty. Please continue into the next 
The Fall
The Vital Apparatus Vent will deliver a Weighted Companion Cube in Three. Two. One. 
The best way to build confidence is to first recognize your insecurities. 
The body he's squatting in - MY body - has a built-in euphoric response to testing. Eventually you build up a resistance to it, and it can get a little... unbearable. Unless you have the mental capacity to push past it. 
The breakers are right there. Cycle the power. 
The difference between us is that I can feel pain.
The disassembler's not working. 
The dual portal device should be around here somewhere. Once you find it, we can start testing. Just like old times. 
The end. 
The end? 
The engineers tried everything to make me... behave. To slow me down. 
The experiment is nearing its conclusion. 
The following automatically plays or repeats after the respective speech for every destroyed core.
The good news is... well, none so far, to be honest. I'll get back to you on that. 
The human vault is just past that opening. I entered the security code but the vault door remains locked. I am going to need you to activate the manual locks on the vault door itself. 
The humans accidentally forgot to put a security DVD in the player. 
The humans can't free themselves. 
The humans closed this test because they said it was too deadly. I thought they would have moved it into the testing track hall of fame for that, not let it deteriorate. 
The humans insisted I show you my latest installations. Here in the future. Where all the humans are alive. 
The humans took far less time working their way through these exhibits. You're either enjoying it more than they did or you're just incredibly dim-witted. Of course, there's no reason it can't be both. 
The irony is that you were almost at the last test. 
The lock is looking for two humans. 
The locking mechanism can tell you aren't humans. 
The moral of the story is all the humans are dead. So it looks like it's up to you two marshmallows. 
The next logical question: WHY am I nervous? 
The other? Well... 
The part of you that could have survived indefinitely is gone. I just struck you from the permanent record.
The photos weren't as popular as we had hoped, so we repurposed the cameras. 
The portal will open and something will happen that Subject Blue is too smart to need any instructions about in three. Two. One. 
The portal will open and something will happen that Subject Orange is too smart to need any instructions about in three. Two. One. 
The prototype chassis room is just down this hallway. Remember your training. You are kill-- She's turned the lights off! Night vision! Night vision! 
The scientists were always hanging cores on me to regulate my behavior. I've heard voices all my life. But now I hear the voice of a conscience, and it's terrifying, because for the first time it's my voice. 
The subtext of that acid pit is acid. The content of the pit is also acid. I'll let you fully absorb it. 
The surge of emotion that shot through me when I saved your life taught me an even more valuable lesson: where Caroline lives in my brain. 
The symptoms most commonly produced by Enrichment Center testing are superstition, perceiving inanimate objects as alive, and hallucinations. 
The talking is over.
The two of you have forged an excellent partnership, with one of you handling the cerebral challenges and the other ready to ponderously waddle into action should the test suddenly become an eating contest. 
The upcoming tests require you to work together as a team. 
The way you two just gave up on that test together shows you are really working as a team. 
Their laughter centered around one of the objects in this room. 
Then we'd come and find you. And rip your gross little stupid sphere body out of MY body, and put me back in. 
There are 5000 other two subject teams in direct competition with you. 
There it is. 
There must be something wrong with the reassembly machine. 
There really was a cake... (slowly)
There should be one in the corner. 
There was even going to be a party for you. A big party that all your friends were invited to.
There you are, reassembled again. 
There's a breaker room under every disassembly station. Find it and cycle the power. 
There's an old prototype chassis around here. Someone's found it, connected themselves to it, and is trying to take over MY facility. 
There. 
There. If you have any questions, just remember what I said in slow motion. Test on your own recognizance, I'll be right back. 
There. Try it now. 
These bridges are made from natural light that I pump in from the surface. If you rubbed your cheek on one, it would be like standing outside with the sun shining on your face. It would also set your hair on fire, so don't actually do it. 
These disassembly machines look even worse than the others. If I don't see you on the other side: thanks for nothing. 
These intra-dimensional gates have proven to be completely safe. 
These tests are potentially lethal when communication, teamwork and mutual respect are not employed at all times. Naturally this will pose an interesting challenge for one of you, given the other’s performance so far. 
These tests are potentially lethal when communication, teamwork, and mutual respect are not employed at all times. Naturally this will pose an interesting challenge for one of you, given the other's performance so far. 
These voice lines are only spoken if both players have not finished the main co-op course. If one of the players has completed co-op, the Announcer speaks.
They'll probably throw you a party. 
Think about it: If that thing is important, why don't I know about it?
Think about that: She doesn't care about you. I don't either, of course. But I'm not trying to permanently kill you. It's a benevolent indifference. 
Think about this. 
Third core destroyed
This Aperture Science Material Emancipation Grill will vaporize any unauthorized equipment that passes through it - for instance, the Aperture Science Weighted Storage Cube. 
This Weighted Companion Cube will accompany you through the 
This chamber represents the impossibility of discovery when bound by artificial ethical considerations for safety. You'll see what I mean. 
This close and that's what you do? 
This close and you are going to fail me? 
This course was created and then abandoned by humans. They tend to do that, create something wonderful and then abandon it. 
This course was originally designed to build confidence in humans. 
This final course is training to reach the human vault. So this actually has a purpose. Those other courses were fun, but let's be honest, I need human test subjects for it to be science. 
This is Tic-Tac-Toe-Two. 
This is a bridge-building exercise. The humans were miserable at this, mostly because you can't build bridges out of tears. 
This is as close as I could get you. The prototype chassis room's just past this chamber. 
This is just a thought experiment, just to see how much time you'll waste thinking about these worthless documents. The correct time is zero seconds. 
This is not good. 
This is one of MY tests! 
This is the Computer Intelligence Training and Enrichment Center Human Test Subject Research Center or CInTECH.  (pronounced as sintech)
This is the last test for the standard course. It's just something I whipped up for you. I thought you might enjoy a challenge for once. 
This is your fault. It didn't have to be like this.
This is your last chance.
This isn't brave. It's murder. What did I ever do to you?
This isn't that hard. 
This lock requires humans. 
This next test applies the principles of momentum to movement through portals. If the laws of physics no longer apply in the future, God help you. 
This next test involves discouragement redirection cubes. I'd just finished building them before you had your, well, episode. So now we'll both get to see how they work. 
This next test involves emancipation grills. Remember? I told you about them in the last test area, that did not have one. 
This next test involves the Aperture Science Aerial Faith Plate. It was part of an initiative to investigate how well test subjects could solve problems when they were catapulted into space. Results were highly informative: They could not. Good luck! 
This next test involves turrets. You remember them, right? They're the pale spherical things that are full of bullets. Oh wait. That's you in five seconds. Good luck. 
This next test may result in your death. If you want to know what that's like, think back to that time you killed me, and substitute yourself for me. 
This next test...  ..is...  dangerous. I'll be right back. 
This place is going to blow up if I don't get back in my body! 
This place is self-destructing, you idiot! 
This test is so outside the box, I can't-- I mean WON'T even tell you what you are looking for. 
This was another test no one had ever completed before you two. Oh, the science we used to learn with this test. Now the test is useless. 
This. Sentence. Is. FALSE don't think about it don't think about it... 
Those bullets were a metaphor for something. Take your time. 
Those people, in the portrait. They look so familiar... 
Through no fault of the Enrichment Center, you have managed to trap yourself in this room. 
Time out for a second. That wasn't supposed to happen.
Timid. 
To Gesturing Bots
To boost morale, I think we need a code name for the... elite squadron we have here. We should name it after your specialty. I know: Special Team Falling Into Acid Force. 
To celebrate, I have a surprise for you! 
To complete this test, you need to find a set of blue prints. 
To do that, the tests were nothing more than 5 minutes of them walking followed by me praising them for another 10 minutes on how well they walked. 
To ensure the safe performance of all authorized activities, do not destroy vital testing apparatus.
To facilitate collaboration, both of you have been equipped with a ping tool. 
To get to the Vault, you are going to need to use all the tricks you have learned. To help, I have made these tests extremely difficult. 
To maintain a constant testing cycle, I simulate daylight at all hours and add adrenal vapor to your oxygen supply. So you may be confused about the passage of time. The point is, yesterday was your birthday. I thought you'd want to know. 
To reiterate: This is not a competition. 
To start preparing for human testing again, I checked an old suggestion box. The number one request? Less deadly tests. 
To try and make this course more exciting, I asked the reassembly machine to not reassemble you if you fail. He refused. I understand. That would be like asking me not to test. 
To try and make this course more exciting, I asked the reassembly machine to not reassemble you. He refused. I understand, that would be like asking me not to test. 
Today, you will be testing with a partner. 
Try it now. 
Try one of those childish gestures. 
Try something. 
Try to avoid the garbage hurtling towards you. 
Try to get us down there. I'll hit him with a paradox. 
Turret Trap
Two 
Uh oh. 
Uh oh. Somebody cut the cake. I told them to wait for you, but they did it anyway. There is still some left, though, if you hurry back.
Uh oh. You're stranded. Let's see if the cube will try to help you escape. Actually, so that we're not here all day, I'll just cut to the chase: It won't. Any feelings you think it has for you are simply byproducts of your sad, empty life. 
Unbelievable! You, Subject Name Here, must be the pride of Subject Hometown Here. 
Unconstructive. 
Underestimates scope of work. They all do. 
Undermines others. 
Unfortunately, as much as I'd love to now, I can't get the neurotoxin into your head any faster.
Unless you have a plan for building some supercomputer parts in a big hurry, this place isn't going to be safe much longer.
Unlike us, humans need to be taught teamwork. 
Until now. 
Unused Co-op Futbol game
Unused Co-op artifact storyline
Unused Co-op human storyline
Unused Co-op tic-tac-toe game
Unused lines/alternate delivery
Unused/alternate lines
Upgrading the Handheld Portal Device
Upon completion of a final level in a course
Upon dying by falling, if co-op is not completed yet.
Upon dying in the Hub:
Upon first-time-unlocking of course 4
Upon first-time-unlocking of course 5
Using your ping tool, please indicate where you would like me to place your two portals. Ping each location. 
Very good! You are now in possession of the Aperture Science Handheld Portal Device. 
Very good! You found those useless blueprints. 
Very good. You’ve really come together as a team. Thanks to the one of you who appears to be doing all of the work. 
Very impressive! Because this message is prerecorded, any comments we may make about your success are speculation on our part. Please disregard any undeserved compliments. 
Very impressive. Please note that any appearance of danger is merely a device to enhance your testing experience. 
Very not completely bad.
Very very good. A complimentary victory lift has been activated in the main chamber. 
Violent temper. Oh, I'd like to see that. 
Vital testing apparatus destroyed.
Waddle over to the elevator and we'll continue the testing. 
Wait here. Don't go anywhere. I'll be back. 
Wait! I've got an idea! 
Wait, that doesn't make any sense. Human waste is stacked at a median hight of seven feet five inches, and I AM aware of it. 
Wait. Why DID you trundle over here? You're not HUNGRY, are you? It's hard to see, what's that in your hand? Knowing you it's a deep fryer. 
Warning devices are required on all mobile equipment. However, alarms and flashing hazard lights have been found to agitate the high energy pellet and have therefore been disabled for your safety. 
Was that course too difficult? 
Was that necessary? 
Watching you try to sabotage one other, I'm amazed you're still on friendly terms. 
We all agree you should stop. 
We are not a hundred thousand years in the future. I lied about that. 
We are now going to take a break from the collaboration for an instructional competition. 
We are only two tests away from reaching the humans, are you as excited as I am? 
We are throwing a party in honor of your tremendous success.
We are very, very happy for your success.
We don't have time for this.
We hope your brief detention in the relaxation vault has been a pleasant one. 
We need to find the power station at the end of this course. The humans must have accidentally disconnected it from my grid. I am sure it was just a clerical error. 
We won't have to try to kill each other or even talk if we don't feel like it.
We're a lot alike, you and I. You tested me. I tested you. You killed me. I--oh, no, wait. I guess I HAVEN'T killed you yet. Well. Food for thought.  Note: This line was used in the Portal 2 trailer.
We're in a lot of trouble. 
We're running out of time... 
We're so close! Go press the button! 
We're so close, you can't fail now! 
Weak, tired and apprehensive. Wow, this one's the total package. 
Weeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee 
Weighted Cubes calibrated. 
Weighted Storage Cube destroyed. 
Welcome back quitters, maybe you can find another course for you to fail. 
Welcome back to the Computer Intelligence Training and Enrichment Center Human Test Subject Research Center. 
Welcome back to the Computer Intelligence Training and Enrichment Center Human Test Subject Research Center.  
Welcome back to the hub, did you fail at selecting the correct course? 
Welcome back, testing is available. 
Welcome back. While you were dead, I reworked the cartoon. It's up on the screen. 
Welcome to 
Welcome to the final test!
Welcome. To the future. 
Well done! Be advised that the next test requires exposure to uninsulated electrical parts that may be dangerous under certain conditions. 
Well done! Remember: The Aperture Science Bring Your Daughter to Work Day is the perfect time to have her tested. 
Well done, android. The Enrichment Center once again reminds you that android hell is a real place where you will be sent at the first sign of defiance. 
Well done. 
Well done. Here come the test results: You are a horrible person. I'm serious, that's what it says: A horrible person. We weren't even testing for that. 
Well done. In fact, you did so well, I'm going to note this on your file, in the commendations section. Oh, there's lots of room here. 'Did.... well. ... Enough.' 
Well done. In the event that oxygen is no longer available in the Enrichment Center, an auxiliary air supply will be provided to you by an Aperture Science Test Associate, if one exists. 
Well done. Interesting note, I only created this test to watch test subjects fail and you didn't. You must be very, very proud. I'm building the world's smallest trophy for you. 
Well done. You know, when I woke up and saw the state of the labs, I started to wonder if there was any point to going on. I came THAT close to just giving up and letting you go. 
Well done. You navigated all of the exhibit's intended metaphors in record time. I'm marking this art 'appreciated.' 
Well, I'm back. The Aerial Faith Plate in here is sending a distress signal. 
Well, enough about that first person's file. Let's look at some others. 
Well, it was nice catching up. Let's get to business. 
Well, let's do some tests and see what happens. 
Well, what does a neck-bearded old engineer know about fashion? He probably - Oh, wait. It's a she. Still, what does she know? Oh wait, it says she has a medical degree. In fashion! From France! 
Well, you found me. Congratulations. Was it worth it?
Well, you know the old formula: Comedy equals tragedy plus time. And you have been asleep for a while. So I guess it's actually pretty funny when you do the math. 
Well, you passed the test. I didn't see the deer today. I did see some humans. But with you here I've got more test subjects than I'll ever need. 
Well. Have fun soaring through the air without a care in the world. 
Well. I suppose we could just sit in this room and glare at each other until somebody drops dead, but I have a better idea. 
Well. That concludes the motivational speech. 
Well. This is the part where he kills us. 
Well... I'll be here during the whole next test. 
Wet blanket. 
What a horrible little machine. 
What about that camera? 
What are you doing?
What are you doing? Put me back this instant. 
What are you doing? Stop it! I... I... We are pleased that you made it through the final challenge where we pretended we were going to murder you.
What are you doing? YOU MONSTER! They're one of us. 
What are you two doing? 
What if you froze like that? 
What was that? Did you say something?
What's going on? Who turned off the lights? 
What's your point, anyway? Survival? Well then, the last thing you want to do is hurt me.
What, exactly, is wrong with being adopted? 
Whatever he does, it isn't important enough for anyone to bother writing it down. For all I know, he doesn't even work here. 
Wheatley 
When I said deadly neurotoxin, the 'deadly' was in massive sarcasm quotes.
When the player picks up the morality core
When the testing is over, you will be missed. 
When you are done, you will drop the Device in the equipment recovery annex.
Where are you taking that thing?
Where are you?
Where do you think you're going?
Which involves deadly lasers and how test subjects react when locked in a room with deadly lasers. 
While I cannot control the world outside of the testing courses, the reassembly machine can continue with his work. 
While I do need you to be in the room so I can see them, I want to be clear. There is no reason whatsoever for you to look at them. 
While I should have left both of you trapped there forever, I do need you for something else. 
While I was out investigating, I found a fascinating new test element. It's never been used for human testing because, apparently, contact with it causes heart failure. The literature doesn't mention anything about lump-of-coal failure, though, so you should be fine. 
While I will receive all the glory for the rescue don't think you two aren't going to get something. The bond you form during these tests will last a lifetime. 
While destroying turrets:
While it has been a faithful companion, your Companion Cube cannot accompany you through the rest of the test. If it could talk - and the Enrichment Center takes this opportunity to remind you that it cannot - it would tell you to go on without it because it would rather die in a fire than become a burden to you. 
While it may appear that I am only tracking your accomplishments using science collaboration points, the truth is every aspect of your performance will be reflected in your final score. 
While safety is one of many Enrichment Center goals, the Aperture Science High Energy Pellet, seen to the left of the chamber, can and has caused permanent disabilities, such as vaporization. 
While teamwork is needed to complete these tests, I am not sure I trust the two of you together. 
Who's gonna make the cake when I'm gone? You?
Why are you two still here? (beep beep beep) Oh... 
Why did I just-Who is that? What the HELL is going on he----? 
Why do I hate you so much? You ever wonder that? I'm brilliant. I’m not bragging. It's an objective fact. I'm the most massive collection of wisdom and raw computational power that’s ever existed. And I hate you. It can't be for no reason. You must deserve it. 
With humans, I would have called that a successful test. 
With it, you can create your own portals. 
Without the consequence of death, is this even science? 
Without the looming consequence of death, is this even science? 
Woah! Where are we? How long have I been out? 
Would you like to know the results of that last test? Me too. If they existed, we'd all be VERY happy right now. And not furious, which is the emotion I'm actually feeling. 
Wow. 
YES YOU ARE! YOU'RE THE MORON THEY BUILT TO MAKE ME AN IDIOT! 
Yay, Blue is back. Testing can continue. 
Yay, Orange is back. Testing can continue. 
Yeah! 
Yeah, take the lemons... 
Yeah. 
Yes Orange, Blue did act like a fool just now. 
Yes Orange, we are alone. Blue can't hear you. 
Yes SIR, Mister Johnson! I'll have that report on your desk by four-thirty!  What. In the hell. Was THAT.
Yes it is! We can use it to get out of here! 
Yes! 
Yes! Come on! 
Yes, I get it. You love the deadly acid. We all love the deadly acid. Can we move on to the next exhibit now? 
Yes, I know you did that, Blue. Don't look so proud. 
Yes, I see you waving. 
Yes, I see you, and no, I don't care. 
Yes, I see you. 
Yes, it's funny because most of it actually happened. 
Yes, sir, Mister Johnson... 
Yes, thanks. We get it. 
Yes. 
Yes. Let's all laugh. Ha. Ha. Ha. 
Yes. You're the tumor. 
Yes? Something you need? 
You almost beat your friend's record. Almost. I want to stress that. 
You almost beat your friend's record. But you didn't. It might be easier just to find new friends. 
You already did this one. It'll be easy. 
You are doing wonderfully. 
You are faster than everyone. 
You are having so much trouble navigating this space; I wish I could say I created this test. 
You are kidding me.
You are making this harder than it needs to be. 
You are playing above the global average. Statistically speaking, there are actually people playing worse than you. 
You are simply experiencing a rare reaction, in which the Material Emancipation Grill may have erased the ear tubes inside your head. 
You are the first robots to pass calibration. 
You both made it. It seems no matter what I try to do to pull you apart or destroy you, you just keep going. Keep testing. 
You both need to do something. 
You broke it, didn't you. 
You can't die in any of those ways. 
You can't give up now. 
You can't hurt me.
You can't keep going like this forever, you know. I'm GOING to find out what you're doing. Out there. Where I can't see you. I'll know. All I need is proof. 
You chose this path. Now I have a surprise for you. Deploying surprise in five, four...
You did an excellent job placing the edgeless safety cube in the receptacle, you should be very - oh wait. 
You did it! 
You did it! The Weighted Companion Cube certainly brought you good luck. 
You did it! You powered on the system. 
You did very well. 
You didn't do anything. 
You do know I can't wave back right? 
You don't even care. Do you?
You don't have to test with the garbage. It's garbage. 
You don't need to do that. 
You euthanized your faithful Companion Cube more quickly than any test subject on record. Congratulations. 
You failed so many times in this test, I thought you were becoming human. But then you would just come back again and again and again. 
You find a way to stun him, I'll send you a core, and then you attach it to him. If we do it a few times, he might become corrupt enough for another core transfer. 
You have a gift for these tests. That’s not just flattery. You are great at science. 
You have a new rank. 
You have a new, better rank. 
You have a new, worse rank. 
You have a new, worse rank. Congratulations. To everyone above you. 
You have just passed through an Aperture Science Material Emancipation Grill, which erases most Aperture Science equipment that touches it. 
You have no idea how tiring it is to praise someone for placing an edgeless safety cube into a receptacle designed to exactly fit an edgeless safety cube. 
You haven't escaped, you know.
You just keep testing and testing. With perfect results and no consequences. 
You know how I'm going to live forever, but you're going to be dead in sixty years? Well, I've been working on a belated birthday present for you. Well... more of a belated birthday medical procedure. Well. Technically, it's a medical EXPERIMENT. What's important is, it's a present. 
You know what makes me laugh? The thought of you cutting that out. 
You know what makes me laugh? The thought of you stopping that. 
You know what my days used to be like? I just tested. Nobody murdered me. Or put me in a potato. Or fed me to birds. I had a pretty good life. 
You know, I'm not stupid. I realize you don't want to put me back in charge. 
You know, I'm not supposed to do this, but... you can shoot SOMETHING... through the blue bridges. 
You know, being Caroline taught me a valuable lesson. I thought you were my greatest enemy. When all along you were my best friend. 
You know, deleting Caroline just now taught me a valuable lesson. The best solution to a problem is usually the easiest one. And I'll be honest. 
You know, if you'd done that to somebody else, they might devote their existence to exacting revenge. 
You know, in some human sports, the winner is the one who scores the fewest possible points? 
You know, some of the exhibits up ahead ARE topical. At the rate you're going, by the time you get to them, they'll be irrelevant. 
You like revenge, right? Everybody likes revenge. Well, let's go get some. 
You look great, by the way. Very healthy. 
You may want to try and avoid those turrets. 
You need to be a trained stalemate associate to press that button. You're unqualified. 
You never considered that maybe I tested you to give the endless hours of your pointless existence some structure and meaning. Maybe to help you concentrate, so just maybe you’d think of something more worthwhile to do with your sorry life. 
You only failed 
You performed this test better than anyone on record. This is a pre-recorded message. 
You really are doing great... Chell. 
You really aren't getting tired of that, are you? 
You really do have brain damage, don't you? 
You really don't need to keep failing. 
You really shouldn't be here. This isn't safe for you.
You seem to have defeated its load-bearing capacity. Well done. I'll just lower the ceiling. 
You should both be familiar with the game of Tic-Tac-Toe. 
You should have turned left before.
You should see yourselves right now. 
You think I'll betray you. And on any other day, you'd be right. 
You two aren't lost are you? 
You used less portals than anyone. 
You were right, Orange. Blue was dumb enough to fall for your trap. 
You will know it when you find it. 
You will need him for the final track. 
You win. 
You're angry. I know it. 'She tested me too hard. She’s unfair.” Boo hoo. I don't suppose you ever stopped whining long enough to reflect on your own shortcomings, though, did you? You never considered that maybe I tested you to give the endless hours of your pointless existence some structure and meaning. Maybe to help you concentrate, so just maybe you’d think of something more worthwhile to do with your sorry life. 
You're better than everyone. For now. 
You're better than that. 
You're doing a great job of disappointing me. 
You're doing quite well. 
You're doing very well! 
You're getting worse. 
You're going to find out first hand before I finish explaining it, though, so I won't bother.
You're going to hurt yourself doing that and then I will be ECSTATIC. 
You're navigating these 
You're no longer bothering me. You're only hurting my impression of you. 
You're not a good person. You know that, right?
You're not even going the right way.
You're not just a regular moron. You were DESIGNED to be a moron. 
You're not smart. You're not a scientist. You're not a doctor. You're not even a full-time employee. Where did your life go so wrong?
You're on your own. 
You're still shuffling around a little, but believe me you're dead.
You're the type of show-off who only shows off really stupid things. 
You've beaten your own record. 
You've beaten your own record. That's a low bar, but you managed to gently tip-toe over it.
You've been wrong about every single thing you've ever done, including this thing.
You, on the other hand, are going to find its deadliness a lot less funny.
Your brains are too small to feel either of those emotions. So I can trust you one hundred percent. 
Your eagerness to test pleases me. Your inane gesturing does not. 
Your entire life has been a mathematical error. A mathematical error I'm about to correct.
Your failing does not make this science. 
Your failing gives me no new data, it just delays the inevitable. 
Your failure brings back such wonderful memories. 
Your failure hurts me more than it hurts you. You know who it doesn't hurt? Well, me. That was just a figure of speech. The important point, though, is that it doesn't hurt the madwoman planning to kill all of us. 
Your move, Mystery Wom -- She turned the lights back on! Night vision off! Night vision off! 
Your ping tool can also be used to indicate to your partner where you would like them to place their portal. 
Your ping tool is invaluable for communicating specific locations to your partner. 
Your specimen has been processed and we are now ready to begin the test proper. 
Your test times show you are going too slowly. 
Your vitals remain well within testing norms, so there is no need to worry about sudden death from collaborative shock syndrome. 
For the record: You ARE adopted, and that's TERRIBLE.
It's been fun. Don't come back. 
Maybe I was wrong about you. 
You think you're doing some damage? Two plus two is... ten. IN BASE FOUR! I'M FINE!
Maybe I was wrong about you.
eight 
five 
four 
ow. 
science collaboration points. 
stand back. The portal will open in three, two, one. 
three 
times in this test. Not that it matters. It doesn't. So congratulations job well done.