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plot : a rich guy who doesn't believe in love , orders a mail-order bride for himself .
that very evening , the couple is married and fall madly in love soon thereafter .
but what's this ?
one of them might not be the person they are pretending to be ?
wow . . . a
sin , indeed .
critique : easily one of the worst movies that i've seen all year .
too long , too boring , too predictable and too ridiculous for anyone interested in watching a good movie .
what the hell were they thinking when they made this thing ?
( it's no wonder that the film has been sitting on the racks for about a year ) this felt like a really bad tv movie of the week , with some nudity stuffed in from time to time , just to wake up the audience .
have you ever switched channels and fallen upon one of those ridiculously melodramatic tv movies , one that you just couldn't help but switch back to from time to time , just to make sure that it wasn't part of some sick joke ?
well , this movie is exactly like that , only it isn't a joke , it isn't on tv and you are asked to pay money to see it ! !
i say again . . . what the shite were they thinking ?
okay , so where do i start ?
first of all , the trailer of this film gives away the movie's main plot twist , the betrayal .
so for the first half hour of the film , you're basically just sitting there , watching these two " lovers " go through the motions until the " betrayal " occurs .
whoopee , big surprise .
second of all , angelina jolie is horribly miscast in this part .
why ?
well , it's like this : not for one second do you ever believe that she is not a nasty backstabbing woman !
i mean , it's like all of those people who complained about jack nicholson being psycho from the start of the shining , well , the same goes here .
every look in jolie's eyes screams " psycho " !
then of course , you have the case of the " patsy " husband , a man who just can't seem to figure out anything in time .
i mean . . . how
boring is that for the audience ?
you're watching this guy screw up time after time after time , and somehow , we're supposed to feel sorry or care about this dude .
no , thanks !
and if we don't care about him , and we really don't care about her ( she's a beeyatch and as confused as we are about her actual motivations in the film ) , who the hell are we supposed to care about in this film ?
well , i'll tell you .
the only thing that i was worrying about the whole way through this picture was whether or not i'd actually fall asleep before the end credits rolled .
no suspense , no chemistry between the leads , no real love or passion , no sense of surprise , plenty of plot holes for everyone and an extra moronic ending .
so why am i even giving this film a rating of three points ?
well , it's actually pretty simple .
i liked the locations in the movie and the groovy score , but my primary reason for slipping three notches onto this bedpost is for the gratuitous shots of jolie's boobies ( that's two points right there ! ) and another one for antonio's ass ( hairless , just for the record ) .
everything else in this movie was pointless , boring and just plain stupid .
try imagining a soft-porn movie . . . but
without the plot !
that's pretty much what you've got here .
a low point in the careers of both stars .
oops , i almost forgot to mention the crappy dialogue . . . god
oh mighty . . . make
it stop ! !
where's joblo coming from ?
american psycho ( 9/10 ) - cruel intentions ( 8/10 ) - eyes wide shut ( 6/10 ) - fatal attraction ( 8/10 ) - playing by heart ( 7/10 ) - under suspicion ( 7/10 ) - what lies beneath ( 8/10 ) - what women want ( 4/10 ) - whipped ( 7/10 )
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