cv659_21483.txt

i_PP
came_VBD
to_IN
an_DT
epiphany_NN
while_CS
watching_VBG
the_DT
bachelor_NN
,_,
an_DT
innocuous-enough-on-the-surface_NN
romantic_JJ
comedy_NN
._.
it_PP
's_BEZ
not_XNOT
the_DT
sort_NN
of_IN
film_NN
in_IN
which_WDT
one_CD
would_MD
expect_VB
to_IN
achieve_VB
any_RB
moment_NN
of_IN
clarity_NN
,_,
but_CC
there_EX
it_NN
was_BEDZ
nonetheless_RB
._.
i_PP
sat_VBD
there_RB
watching_VBG
this_DT
marshmallow_JJ
of_IN
a_DT
movie_NN
unfold_VB
when_CS
suddenly_RB
i_PP
realized_VBD
what_WDT
is_BEZ
so_RB
ridiculously_RB
wrong_JJ
with_IN
the_DT
entire_JJ
romantic_JJ
comedy_NN
genre_NN
circa_RB
1999_CD
._.
in_IN
a_DT
word_NN
,_,
it_PP
's_BEZ
the_DT
same_DT
thing_NN
that_CS
's_BEZ
wrong_JJ
with_IN
so_RB
many_DT
movies_NNS
circa_RB
1999_CD
:_:
writing_NN
._.
more_DT
to_IN
the_DT
point_NN
,_,
it_PP
's_BEZ
the_DT
refusal_NN
to_IN
acknowledge_VB
that_RB
characterizations_NNS
matter_NN
when_CS
you're_???
telling_JJ
a_NN
story_NN
about_IN
a_DT
relationship_NN
._.
the_DT
bachelor_NN
is_BEZ
merely_RB
the_DT
latest_JJS
in_IN
a_DT
long_JJ
line_NN
of_IN
films_NNS
where_CS
we're_???
expected_JJ
to_TO
get_VB
dewy-eyed_JJ
over_IN
any_DT
pairing_NN
of_IN
attractive_JJ
,_,
pleasant_JJ
people_NN
just_RB
because_CS
they're_???
attractive_JJ
and_CC
pleasant_JJ
._.
in_IN
this_DT
particular_JJ
case_NN
,_,
attractive_JJ
and_CC
pleasant_JJ
exhibit_NN
a_DT
is_BEZ
jimmy_NP
shannon_NP
(_(
chris_NP
o'donnell_NP
)_)
,_,
a_DT
single_JJ
guy_NN
who_WP
has_HVZ
been_BEN
watching_VBG
his_PP$
friends_NNS
slowly_RB
but_CC
surely_RB
sucked_VBN
into_IN
marriage_NN
._.
it_PP
's_BEZ
a_DT
scary_JJ
notion_NN
for_IN
jimmy_NP
,_,
even_RB
though_CS
he_PP
dearly_RB
loves_VBZ
attractive_JJ
and_CC
pleasant_JJ
exhibit_NN
b_NN
anne_NP
(_(
renee_NN
zellweger_NN
)_)
,_,
his_PP$
girlfriend_NN
of_IN
three_CD
years_NNS
._.
convinced_JJ
despite_IN
his_PP$
reservations_NNS
that_CS
it_PP
's_BEZ
time_NN
to_IN
"_"
sh_???
*_???
t_NN
or_CC
get_VB
off_RP
the_DT
pot_NN
,_,
"_"
jimmy_NP
proposes_VBZ
to_IN
anne_NP
--_???
very_JJ
badly_RB
._.
anne_NP
refuses_VBZ
,_,
which_WDT
leaves_VBZ
jimmy_NP
in_IN
a_DT
very_RB
odd_JJ
position_NN
when_CS
his_PP$
eccentric_JJ
grandfather_NN
(_(
peter_NP
ustinov_NP
)_)
dies_VBZ
and_CC
leaves_NNS
a_DT
very_RB
specific_JJ
video_NN
will_MD
._.
jimmy_NP
stands_VBZ
to_IN
inhereit_JJ
$_???
10_CD
million_NN
if_CS
he_PP
is_BEZ
married_JJ
by_IN
10_CD
:_:
10_CD
p_NN
._.
m_NN
._.
on_IN
his_PP$
10_CD
birthday_NN
,_,
stays_VBZ
married_JJ
for_IN
10_CD
years_NNS
and_CC
produces_VBZ
a_DT
child_NN
._.
there_EX
are_BER
only_RB
a_DT
couple_NN
of_IN
minor_JJ
problems_NNS
:_:
2_CD
)_)
jimmy_NP
's_POS
2_CD
birthday_NN
is_BEZ
the_DT
next_OD
day_NN
;_;
2_CD
)_)
anne_NP
is_BEZ
nowhere_RB
to_IN
be_BE
found_VB
,_,
meaning_NN
jimmy_NP
has_HVZ
to_TO
find_VB
another_DT
willing_JJ
bride_NN
from_IN
among_IN
his_PP$
many_DT
ex-girlfriends_NNS
._.
it_PP
's_BEZ
a_DT
wacky_JJ
,_,
brewster_NN
's_POS
millions-esque_NN
premise_NN
(_(
acknowledged_JJ
as_CS
such_DT
in_IN
one_CD
of_IN
the_DT
film_NN
's_POS
better_JJR
,_,
more_RBR
self-aware_NN
lines_NNS
of_IN
dialogue_NN
)_)
,_,
the_DT
kind_NN
where_CS
a_DT
shallow_JJ
and_CC
materialistic_JJ
guy_NN
learns_VBZ
what_WDT
really_RB
matters_VBZ
._.
at_IN
least_DT
that_DT
would_MD
be_BE
the_DT
case_NN
if_CS
jimmy_NP
weren't_BED
already_RB
a_DT
world-class_NN
altruist_NN
._.
screenwriter_NN
steve_NP
cohen_NP
slides_VBZ
into_IN
the_DT
story_NN
an_DT
even_RB
more_RBR
draconian_JJ
condition_NN
in_IN
the_DT
will_MD
:_:
if_CS
jimmy_NP
doesn't_DOZ
get_VB
married_JJ
,_,
not_XNOT
only_RB
will_MD
he_PP
lose_VB
all_PDT
the_DT
money_NN
,_,
but_CC
the_DT
family_NN
billiard_NN
table_NN
buisness_NN
will_MD
be_BE
sold_VBN
out_RP
from_IN
under_IN
him_PP
,_,
costing_VBG
hudreds_NNS
of_IN
jobs_NNS
._.
from_IN
the_DT
outset_NN
,_,
jimmy_NP
's_POS
motivation_NN
isn't_BEZ
cash_NN
;_;
it_PP
's_BEZ
the_DT
livelihoods_NNS
of_IN
his_PP$
devoted_JJ
employees_NNS
._.
it_PP
's_BEZ
almost_RB
embarrassing_JJ
for_IN
his_PP$
marital_JJ
misgivings_NNS
to_IN
play_NN
a_DT
role_NN
in_IN
the_DT
bachelor_NN
's_POS
plot_NN
development_NN
._.
by_IN
any_DT
human_JJ
standard_NN
,_,
the_DT
guy_NN
is_BEZ
impossibly_RB
selfless_JJ
._.
and_CC
that_CS
's_NNS
the_DT
essence_NN
of_IN
the_DT
gutlessness_NN
endemic_JJ
to_IN
films_NNS
like_IN
the_DT
bachelor_NN
--_???
the_DT
fear_NN
of_IN
giving_VBG
the_DT
characters_NNS
flaws_NNS
to_IN
overcome_JJ
on_IN
their_PP$
way_NN
to_IN
happiness_NN
._.
there_EX
's_BEZ
never_RB
any_DT
tension_NN
between_IN
the_DT
two_CD
star-crossed_JJ
lovers_NNS
,_,
because_CS
there_EX
's_BEZ
no_DT
sense_NN
that_CS
anything_PN
remotely_RB
significant_JJ
is_BEZ
at_IN
stake_NN
._.
the_DT
blandly_JJ
nice_JJ
o'donnell_NP
couldn't_MD
pull_VB
off_RP
a_DT
randy_JJ
cad_???
if_CS
he_PP
tried_VBD
,_,
so_RB
the_DT
filmmakers_NNS
don't_DO
even_RB
let_VB
him_PP
;_;
zellweger_NP
's_POS
anne_NP
may_MD
have_HV
issues_NNS
with_IN
her_PP$
sickeningly_RB
affectionate_JJ
parents_NNS
as_IN
an_DT
impossible_JJ
standard_NN
to_IN
live_JJ
up_IN
to_IN
,_,
but_CC
no_DT
one_CD
dares_VBZ
make_NN
her_PP$
anything_PN
but_CC
the_DT
woman_NN
(_(
lightly_RB
)_)
wronged_VBD
._.
and_CC
forget_VB
about_IN
seeing_VBG
enough_DT
of_IN
jimmy_NP
and_CC
anne_NP
together_RB
to_IN
feel_NN
invested_VBN
in_IN
their_PP$
potential_NN
reconciliation_NN
._.
the_DT
parade_NN
of_IN
sit-com_NP
set_NN
pieces_NNS
had_HVD
better_JJR
be_BE
damned_VBN
funny_JJ
,_,
since_CS
they're_???
all_PDT
that_CS
stands_NNS
between_IN
us_NP
and_CC
a_DT
blissfully_RB
sweet_JJ
foregone_JJ
conclusion_NN
._.
i'll_???
admit_VB
a_DT
couple_NN
of_IN
those_DT
set_NN
pieces_NNS
are_BER
amusing_JJ
,_,
including_IN
ustinov_NP
's_POS
rantings_NNS
about_IN
procreation_NN
and_CC
a_DT
restaurant_NN
full-to-bursting_VBG
with_IN
men_NNS
popping_VBG
questions_NNS
and_CC
champagne_NN
corks_NNS
._.
far_RB
more_DT
of_IN
them_PP
are_BER
either_RB
tedious_JJ
or_CC
downright_JJ
ghastly_JJ
,_,
like_IN
the_DT
shudder-inducing_NN
sight_NN
of_IN
brooke_NP
shields_NP
as_IN
an_DT
icy_JJ
fortune-hunter_NN
or_CC
the_DT
hideous_JJ
collection_NN
of_IN
stereotypes_NNS
when_CS
hundreds_NNS
of_IN
potential_JJ
brides_NNS
gather_VB
in_IN
a_DT
church_NN
._.
you're_???
never_RB
going_VBG
to_IN
get_VB
too_RB
many_DT
raucous_JJ
belly_NN
laughs_VBZ
from_IN
a_DT
film_NN
like_IN
the_DT
bachelor_NN
,_,
but_CC
that_CS
's_NNS
not_XNOT
the_DT
real_JJ
problem_NN
._.
nor_CC
is_BEZ
it_PP
the_DT
real_JJ
problem_NN
that_CS
you_PP
know_VB
exactly_RB
the_DT
kind_NN
of_IN
warm-n-fuzzy_JJ
conclusion_NN
it_PP
's_BEZ
leading_JJ
up_RP
to_IN
._.
the_DT
problem_NN
are_BER
a_DT
beginning_NN
and_CC
middle_NN
that_CS
are_BER
equally_RB
warm-n-fuzzy_JJ
--_???
there_EX
's_BEZ
no_DT
spark_NN
,_,
no_DT
energy_NN
,_,
no_DT
humanity_NN
._.
it_PP
's_BEZ
an_DT
emotional_JJ
pudding_NN
guaranteed_VBN
not_XNOT
to_TO
offend_VB
any_DT
consumer_NN
's_POS
digestions_NNS
._.
we've_???
reached_VBN
a_DT
point_NN
where_CS
our_PP$
proxies_NNS
for_IN
cinematic_JJ
romantic_JJ
wish_NN
fulfillment_NN
don't_DO
even_RB
have_HV
a_DT
pulse_NN
._.
the_DT
bachelor_NN
is_BEZ
love_NN
among_IN
the_DT
mannequins_NNS
._.