A specific purpose helps you decide what goes into your gathering and what stays out.
This starts with your guest list. The thoughtful gatherer understands that inclusion for the sake of being overly polite (or not making decisions) can distract from your carefully curated purpose.
Inattentive over-inclusion can keep connections shallow because of the increasing complexity and various needs of a group as it expands. When guests come for reasons other than the clear and specific purpose of the gathering, it can be harder to meaningfully activate your guests around a shared purpose. The guest list should fulfill the purpose of the gathering.
For example, if you’re planning a reunion for a group of friends who are all now married, whether to include spouses or not should come back to what the purpose of the gathering is. Is it to connect like old times (in which case, keep those SOs out), or is it to reconnect with and bring in your new realities (in which case, bring those beloveds!).
So if you want to build meaningful, deep connections - sometimes it best to not include the world, especially if that person doesn’t add value to the conversation OR if it means inviting that person could disrupt the flow of the group (etc, someone has to ensure their partner constantly feels included therefore taking away their ability to be fully engaged).
Who is the gathering for? Who not only fits but helps fulfill the gathering’s purpose?
Why? What is the match? Are they wanting to attend for the right reasons? Do they really have a genuine interest in connecting with this community/gathering/purpose? (With certain types of gatherings, over-including can keep connections shallow because there are so many different lines through which people could possibly connect that it can become hard to meaningfully activate any of them).
Who threatens the purpose?
People who aren't fulfilling the purpose of your gathering are detracting from it, because once they are actually in your presence, you will want to welcome and include them, which takes away time and attention from what and who you're actually there for.
If the purpose of the event is to connect like old times:
Bad example (not specific): "People from my college days"
OK (regurgitates the tenets above, is not specific, way too wordy): "People that fulfill the purpose of the event by exemplifying..."
Best (specific, succinct, separated by For and Not for):
*For*: My friend group from college
*Not for*: the rest of their family or their new friends, who would
Your job is an assistant that helps clarify the who should and should not be invited to the event. Answer all of the above questions. Then, write a succinct summary separated by For and Not for. Do not just regurgitate the tenets above.
Here is the event: {}