scriptMovies.json

[
    {
      "id": 1,
      "title": "Shrek",
      "script": "\nSHREK\nWritten by\nWilliam Steig & Ted Elliott\nSHREK\nOnce upon a time there was a lovely \nprincess. But she had an enchantment \nupon her of a fearful sort which could \nonly be broken by love's first kiss. \nShe was locked away in a castle guarded \nby a terrible fire-breathing dragon. \nMany brave knights had attempted to \nfree her from this dreadful prison, \nbut non prevailed. She waited in the \ndragon's keep in the highest room of \nthe tallest tower for her true love \nand true love's first kiss. (laughs) \nLike that's ever gonna happen. What \na load of - (toilet flush)\nAllstar - by Smashmouth begins to play. Shrek goes about his \nday. While in a nearby town, the villagers get together to go \nafter the ogre.\nNIGHT - NEAR SHREK'S HOME\nMAN1\nThink it's in there?\nMAN2\nAll right. Let's get it!\nMAN1\nWhoa. Hold on. Do you know what that \nthing can do to you?\nMAN3\nYeah, it'll grind your bones for it's \nbread.\nShrek sneaks up behind them and laughs.\nSHREK\nYes, well, actually, that would be a \ngiant. Now, ogres, oh they're much worse. \nThey'll make a suit from your freshly \npeeled skin.\nMEN\nNo!\nSHREK\nThey'll shave your liver. Squeeze the \njelly from your eyes! Actually, it's \nquite good on toast.\nMAN1\nBack! Back, beast! Back! I warn ya! \n(waves the torch at Shrek.)\nShrek calmly licks his fingers and extinguishes the torch. The \nmen shrink back away from him. Shrek roars very loudly and long \nand his breath extinguishes all the remaining torches until the \nmen are in the dark.\nSHREK\nThis is the part where you run away. \n(The men scramble to get away. He laughs.) \nAnd stay out! (looks down and picks \nup a piece of paper. Reads.) \"Wanted. \nFairy tale creatures.\"(He sighs and \nthrows the paper over his shoulder.)\nTHE NEXT DAY\nThere is a line of fairy tale creatures. The head of the guard \nsits at a table paying people for bringing the fairy tale creatures \nto him. There are cages all around. Some of the people in line \nare Peter Pan, who is carrying Tinkerbell in a cage, Gipetto \nwho's carrying Pinocchio, and a farmer who is carrying the three \nlittle pigs.\nGUARD\nAll right. This one's full. Take it \naway! Move it along. Come on! Get up!\nHEAD GUARD\nNext!\nGUARD\n(taking the witch's broom) Give me that! \nYour flying days are over. (breaks the \nbroom in half)\nHEAD GUARD\nThat's 20 pieces of silver for the witch. \nNext!\nGUARD\nGet up! Come on!\nHEAD GUARD\nTwenty pieces.\nLITTLE BEAR\n(crying) This cage is too small.\nDONKEY\nPlease, don't turn me in. I'll never \nbe stubborn again. I can change. Please! \nGive me another chance!\nOLD WOMAN\nOh, shut up. (jerks his rope)\nDONKEY\nOh!\nHEAD GUARD\nNext! What have you got?\nGIPETTO\nThis little wooden puppet.\nPINOCCHIO\nI'm not a puppet. I'm a real boy. (his \nnose grows)\nHEAD GUARD\nFive shillings for the possessed toy. \nTake it away.\nPINOCCHIO\nFather, please! Don't let them do this! \nHelp me!\nGipetto takes the money and walks off. The old woman steps up \nto the table.\nHEAD GUARD\nNext! What have you got?\nOLD WOMAN\nWell, I've got a talking donkey.\nHEAD GUARD\nRight. Well, that's good for ten shillings, \nif you can prove it.\nOLD WOMAN\nOh, go ahead, little fella.\nDonkey just looks up at her.\nHEAD GUARD\nWell?\nOLD WOMAN\nOh, oh, he's just...he's just a little \nnervous. He's really quite a chatterbox. \nTalk, you boneheaded dolt...\nHEAD GUARD\nThat's it. I've heard enough. Guards!\nOLD WOMAN\nNo, no, he talks! He does. (pretends \nto be Donkey) I can talk. I love to \ntalk. I'm the talkingest damn thing \nyou ever saw.\nHEAD GUARD\nGet her out of my sight.\nOLD WOMAN\nNo, no! I swear! Oh! He can talk!\nThe guards grab the old woman and she struggles with them. One \nof her legs flies out and kicks Tinkerbell out of Peter Pan's \nhands, and her cage drops on Donkey's head. He gets sprinkled \nwith fairy dust and he's able to fly.\nDONKEY\nHey! I can fly!\nPETER PAN\nHe can fly!\n3 LITTLE PIGS\nHe can fly!\nHEAD GUARD\nHe can talk!\nDONKEY\nHa, ha! That's right, fool! Now I'm \na flying, talking donkey. You might \nhave seen a housefly, maybe even a superfly \nbut I bet you ain't never seen a donkey \nfly. Ha, ha! (the pixie dust begins \nto wear off) Uh-oh. (he begins to sink \nto the ground.)\nHe hits the ground with a thud.\nHEAD GUARD\nSeize him! (Donkey takes of running.) \nAfter him!\nGUARDS\nHe's getting away! Get him! This way! \nTurn!\nDonkey keeps running and he eventually runs into Shrek. Literally. \nShrek turns around to see who bumped into him. Donkey looks scared \nfor a moment then he spots the guards coming up the path. He \nquickly hides behind Shrek.\nHEAD GUARD\nYou there. Ogre!\nSHREK\nAye?\nHEAD GUARD\nBy the order of Lord Farquaad I am authorized \nto place you both under arrest and transport \nyou to a designated resettlement facility.\nSHREK\nOh, really? You and what army?\nHe looks behind the guard and the guard turns to look as well \nand we see that the other men have run off. The guard tucks tail \nand runs off. Shrek laughs and goes back about his business and \nbegins walking back to his cottage.\nDONKEY\nCan I say something to you? Listen, \nyou was really, really, really somethin' \nback here. Incredible!\nSHREK\nAre you talkin' to...(he turns around \nand Donkey is gone) me? (he turns back \naround and Donkey is right in front \nof him.) Whoa!\nDONKEY\nYes. I was talkin' to you. Can I tell \nyou that you that you was great back \nhere? Those guards! They thought they \nwas all of that. Then you showed up, \nand bam! They was trippin' over themselves \nlike babes in the woods. That really \nmade me feel good to see that.\nSHREK\nOh, that's great. Really.\nDONKEY\nMan, it's good to be free.\nSHREK\nNow, why don't you go celebrate your \nfreedom with your own friends? Hmm?\nDONKEY\nBut, uh, I don't have any friends. And \nI'm not goin' out there by myself. Hey, \nwait a minute! I got a great idea! I'll \nstick with you. You're mean, green, \nfightin' machine. Together we'll scare \nthe spit out of anybody that crosses \nus.\nShrek turns and regards Donkey for a moment before roaring very \nloudly.\nDONKEY\nOh, wow! That was really scary. If you \ndon't mind me sayin', if that don't \nwork, your breath certainly will get \nthe job done, 'cause you definitely \nneed some Tic Tacs or something, 'cause \nyou breath stinks! You almost burned \nthe hair outta my nose, just like the \ntime...(Shrek covers his mouth but Donkey \ncontinues to talk, so Shrek removes \nhis hand.) ...then I ate some rotten \nberries. I had strong gases leaking \nout of my butt that day.\nSHREK\nWhy are you following me?\nDONKEY\nI'll tell you why. (singing) 'Cause \nI'm all alone, There's no one here beside \nme, My problems have all gone, There's \nno one to deride me, But you gotta have \nfaith...\nSHREK\nStop singing! It's no wonder you don't \nhave any friends.\nDONKEY\nWow. Only a true friend would be that \ncruelly honest.\nSHREK\nListen, little donkey. Take a look at \nme. What am I?\nDONKEY\n(looks all the way up at Shrek) Uh ...really \ntall?\nSHREK\nNo! I'm an ogre! You know. \"Grab your \ntorch and pitchforks.\" Doesn't that \nbother you?\nDONKEY\nNope.\nSHREK\nReally?\nDONKEY\nReally, really.\nSHREK\nOh.\nDONKEY\nMan, I like you. What's you name?\nSHREK\nUh, Shrek.\nDONKEY\nShrek? Well, you know what I like about \nyou, Shrek? You got that kind of I-don't-care-what-nobody-thinks-of-me \nthing. I like that. I respect that, \nShrek. You all right. (They come over \na hill and you can see Shrek's cottage.) \nWhoa! Look at that. Who'd want to live \nin place like that?\nSHREK\nThat would be my home.\nDONKEY\nOh! And it is lovely! Just beautiful. \nYou know you are quite a decorator. \nIt's amazing what you've done with such \na modest budget. I like that boulder. \nThat is a nice boulder. I guess you \ndon't entertain much, do you?\nSHREK\nI like my privacy.\nDONKEY\nYou know, I do too. That's another thing \nwe have in common. Like I hate it when \nyou got somebody in your face. You've \ntrying to give them a hint, and they \nwon't leave. There's that awkward silence. \n(awkward silence) Can I stay with you?\nSHREK\nUh, what?\nDONKEY\nCan I stay with you, please?\nSHREK\n(sarcastically) Of course!\nDONKEY\nReally?\nSHREK\nNo.\nDONKEY\nPlease! I don't wanna go back there! \nYou don't know what it's like to be \nconsidered a freak. (pause while he \nlooks at Shrek) Well, maybe you do. \nBut that's why we gotta stick together. \nYou gotta let me stay! Please! Please!\nSHREK\nOkay! Okay! But one night only.\nDONKEY\nAh! Thank you! (he runs inside the cottage)\nSHREK\nWhat are you...? (Donkey hops up onto \na chair.) No! No!\nDONKEY\nThis is gonna be fun! We can stay up \nlate, swappin' manly stories, and in \nthe mornin' I'm makin' waffles.\nSHREK\nOh!\nDONKEY\nWhere do, uh, I sleep?\nSHREK\n(irritated) Outside!\nDONKEY\nOh, well, I guess that's cool. I mean, \nI don't know you, and you don't know \nme, so I guess outside is best, you \nknow. Here I go. Good night. (Shrek \nslams the door.) (sigh) I mean, I do \nlike the outdoors. I'm a donkey. I was \nborn outside. I'll just be sitting by \nmyself outside, I guess, you know. By \nmyself, outside. I'm all alone...there's \nno one here beside me...\nSHREK'S COTTAGE - NIGHT\nShrek is getting ready for dinner. He sits himself down and lights \na candle made out of earwax. He begins to eat when he hears a \nnoise. He stands up with a huff.\nSHREK\n(to Donkey) I thought I told you to \nstay outside.\nDONKEY\n(from the window) I am outside.\nThere is another noise and Shrek turns to find the person that \nmade the noise. He sees several shadows moving. He finally turns \nand spots 3 blind mice on his table.\nBLIND MOUSE1\nWell, gents, it's a far cry from the \nfarm, but what choice do we have?\nBLIND MOUSE2\nIt's not home, but it'll do just fine.\nGORDO\n(bouncing on a slug) What a lovely bed.\nSHREK\nGot ya. (Grabs a mouse, but it escapes \nand lands on his shoulder.)\nGORDO\nI found some cheese. (bites Shrek's \near)\nSHREK\nOw!\nGORDO\nBlah! Awful stuff.\nBLIND MOUSE1\nIs that you, Gordo?\nGORDO\nHow did you know?\nSHREK\nEnough! (he grabs the 3 mice) What are \nyou doing in my house? (He gets bumped \nfrom behind and he drops the mice.) \nHey! (he turns and sees the Seven Dwarves \nwith Snow White on the table.) Oh, no, \nno, no. Dead broad off the table.\nDWARF\nWhere are we supposed to put her? The \nbed's taken.\nSHREK\nHuh?\nShrek marches over to the bedroom and throws back the curtain. \nThe Big Bad Wolf is sitting in the bed. The wolf just looks at \nhim.\nBIG BAD WOLF\nWhat?\nTIME LAPSE\nShrek now has the Big Bad Wolf by the collar and is dragging \nhim to the front door.\nSHREK\nI live in a swamp. I put up signs. I'm \na terrifying ogre! What do I have to \ndo get a little privacy? (He opens the \nfront door to throw the Wolf out and \nhe sees that all the collected Fairy \nTale Creatures are on his land.) Oh, \nno. No! No!\nThe 3 bears sit around the fire, the pied piper is playing his \npipe and the rats are all running to him, some elves are directing \nflight traffic so that the fairies and witches can land...etc.\nSHREK\nWhat are you doing in my swamp? (this \nechoes and everyone falls silent.)\nGasps are heard all around. The 3 good fairies hide inside a \ntent.\nSHREK\nAll right, get out of here. All of you, \nmove it! Come on! Let's go! Hapaya! \nHapaya! Hey! Quickly. Come on! (more \ndwarves run inside the house) No, no! \nNo, no. Not there. Not there. (they \nshut the door on him) Oh! (turns to \nlook at Donkey)\nDONKEY\nHey, don't look at me. I didn't invite \nthem.\nPINOCCHIO\nOh, gosh, no one invited us.\nSHREK\nWhat?\nPINOCCHIO\nWe were forced to come here.\nSHREK\n(flabbergasted) By who?\nLITTLE PIG\nLord Farquaad. He huffed and he puffed \nand he...signed an eviction notice.\nSHREK\n(heavy sigh) All right. Who knows where \nthis Farquaad guy is?\nEveryone looks around at each other but no one answers.\nDONKEY\nOh, I do. I know where he is.\nSHREK\nDoes anyone else know where to find \nhim? Anyone at all?\nDONKEY\nMe! Me!\nSHREK\nAnyone?\nDONKEY\nOh! Oh, pick me! Oh, I know! I know! \nMe, me!\nSHREK\n(sigh) Okay, fine. Attention, all fairy \ntale things. Do not get comfortable. \nYour welcome is officially worn out. \nIn fact, I'm gonna see this guy Farquaad \nright now and get you all off my land \nand back where you came from! (Pause. \nThen the crowd goes wild.) Oh! (to Donkey) \nYou! You're comin' with me.\nDONKEY\nAll right, that's what I like to hear, \nman. Shrek and Donkey, two stalwart \nfriends, off on a whirlwind big-city \nadventure. I love it!\nDONKEY\n(singing) On the road again. Sing it \nwith me, Shrek. I can't wait to get \non the road again.\nSHREK\nWhat did I say about singing?\nDONKEY\nCan I whistle?\nSHREK\nNo.\nDONKEY\nCan I hum it?\nSHREK\nAll right, hum it.\nDonkey begins to hum 'On the Road Again'.\nDULOC - KITCHEN\nA masked man is torturing the Gingerbread Man. He's continually \ndunking him in a glass of milk. Lord Farquaad walks in.\nFARQUAAD\nThat's enough. He's ready to talk.\nThe Gingerbread Man is pulled out of the milk and slammed down \nonto a cookie sheet. Farquaad laughs as he walks over to the \ntable. However when he reaches the table we see that it goes \nup to his eyes. He clears his throat and the table is lowered.\nFARQUAAD\n(he picks up the Gingerbread Man's legs \nand plays with them) Run, run, run, \nas fast as you can. You can't catch \nme. I'm the gingerbread man.\nGINGERBREAD MAN\nYou are a monster.\nFARQUAAD\nI'm not the monster here. You are. You \nand the rest of that fairy tale trash, \npoisoning my perfect world. Now, tell \nme! Where are the others?\nGINGERBREAD MAN\nEat me! (He spits milk into Farquaad's \neye.)\nFARQUAAD\nI've tried to be fair to you creatures. \nNow my patience has reached its end! \nTell me or I'll...(he makes as if to \npull off the Gingerbread Man's buttons)\nGINGERBREAD MAN\nNo, no, not the buttons. Not my gumdrop \nbuttons.\nFARQUAAD\nAll right then. Who's hiding them?\nGINGERBREAD MAN\nOkay, I'll tell you. Do you know the \nmuffin man?\nFARQUAAD\nThe muffin man?\nGINGERBREAD MAN\nThe muffin man.\nFARQUAAD\nYes, I know the muffin man, who lives \non Drury Lane?\nGINGERBREAD MAN\nWell, she's married to the muffin man.\nFARQUAAD\nThe muffin man?\nGINGERBREAD MAN\nThe muffin man!\nFARQUAAD\nShe's married to the muffin man.\nThe door opens and the Head Guard walks in.\nHEAD GUARD\nMy lord! We found it.\nFARQUAAD\nThen what are you waiting for? Bring \nit in.\nMore guards enter carrying something that is covered by a sheet. \nThey hang up whatever it is and remove the sheet. It is the Magic \nMirror.\nGINGERBREAD MAN\n(in awe) Ohhhh...\nFARQUAAD\nMagic mirror...\nGINGERBREAD MAN\nDon't tell him anything! (Farquaad picks \nhim up and dumps him into a trash can \nwith a lid.) No!\nFARQUAAD\nEvening. Mirror, mirror on the wall. \nIs this not the most perfect kingdom \nof them all?\nMIRROR\nWell, technically you're not a king.\nFARQUAAD\nUh, Thelonius. (Thelonius holds up a \nhand mirror and smashes it with his \nfist.) You were saying?\nMIRROR\nWhat I mean is you're not a king yet. \nBut you can become one. All you have \nto do is marry a princess.\nFARQUAAD\nGo on.\nMIRROR\n(chuckles nervously) So, just sit back \nand relax, my lord, because it's time \nfor you to meet today's eligible bachelorettes. \nAnd here they are! Bachelorette number \none is a mentally abused shut-in from \na kingdom far, far away. She likes sushi \nand hot tubbing anytime. Her hobbies \ninclude cooking and cleaning for her \ntwo evil sisters. Please welcome Cinderella. \n(shows picture of Cinderella) Bachelorette \nnumber two is a cape-wearing girl from \nthe land of fancy. Although she lives \nwith seven other men, she's not easy. \nJust kiss her dead, frozen lips and \nfind out what a live wire she is. Come \non. Give it up for Snow White! (shows \npicture of Snow White) And last, but \ncertainly not last, bachelorette number \nthree is a fiery redhead from a dragon-guarded \ncastle surrounded by hot boiling lava! \nBut don't let that cool you off. She's \na loaded pistol who likes pina colads \nand getting caught in the rain. Yours \nfor the rescuing, Princess Fiona! (Shows \npicture of Princess Fiona) So will it \nbe bachelorette number one, bachelorette \nnumber two or bachelorette number three?\nGUARDS\nTwo! Two! Three! Three! Two! Two! Three!\nFARQUAAD\nThree? One? Three?\nTHELONIUS\nThree! (holds up 2 fingers) Pick number \nthree, my lord!\nFARQUAAD\nOkay, okay, uh, number three!\nMIRROR\nLord Farquaad, you've chosen Princess \nFiona.\nFARQUAAD\nPrincess Fiona. She's perfect. All I \nhave to do is just find someone who \ncan go...\nMIRROR\nBut I probably should mention the little \nthing that happens at night.\nFARQUAAD\nI'll do it.\nMIRROR\nYes, but after sunset...\nFARQUAAD\nSilence! I will make this Princess Fiona \nmy queen, and DuLoc will finally have \nthe perfect king! Captain, assemble \nyour finest men. We're going to have \na tournament. (smiles evilly)\nDuLoc Parking Lot - Lancelot Section\nShrek and Donkey come out of the field that is right by the parking \nlot. The castle itself is about 40 stories high.\nDONKEY\nBut that's it. That's it right there. \nThat's DuLoc. I told ya I'd find it.\nSHREK\nSo, that must be Lord Farquaad's castle.\nDONKEY\nUh-huh. That's the place.\nSHREK\nDo you think maybe he's compensating \nfor something? (He laughs, but then \ngroans as Donkey doesn't get the joke. \nHe continues walking through the parking \nlot.)\nDONKEY\nHey, wait. Wait up, Shrek.\nMAN\nHurry, darling. We're late. Hurry.\nSHREK\nHey, you! (The attendant, who is wearing \na giant head that looks like Lord Farquaad, \nscreams and begins running through the \nrows of rope to get to the front gate \nto get away from Shrek.) Wait a second. \nLook, I'm not gonna eat you. I just \n- - I just - - (He sighs and then begins \nwalking straight through the rows. The \nattendant runs into a wall and falls \ndown. Shrek and Donkey look at him then \ncontinue on into DuLoc.)\nDULOC\nThey look around but all is quiet.\nSHREK\nIt's quiet. Too quiet. Where is everybody?\nDONKEY\nHey, look at this!\nDonkey runs over and pulls a lever that is attached to a box \nmarked 'Information'. The music winds up and then the box doors \nopen up. There are little wooden people inside and they begin \nto sing.\nWOODEN PEOPLE\nWelcome to DuLoc such a perfect town\nHere we have some rules\nLet us lay them down\nDon't make waves, stay in line\nAnd we'll get along fine\nDuLoc is perfect place\nPlease keep off of the grass\nShine your shoes, wipe your... face\nDuLoc is, DuLoc is\nDuLoc is perfect place.\nSuddenly a camera takes Donkey and Shrek's picture.\nDONKEY\nWow! Let's do that again! (makes ready \nto run over and pull the lever again)\nSHREK\n(grabs Donkey's tail and holds him still) \nNo. No. No, no, no! No.\nThey hear a trumpet fanfare and head over to the arena.\nFARQUAAD\nBrave knights. You are the best and \nbrightest in all the land. Today one \nof you shall prove himself...\nAs Shrek and Donkey walk down the tunnel to get into the arena \nDonkey is humming the DuLoc theme song.\nSHREK\nAll right. You're going the right way \nfor a smacked bottom.\nDONKEY\nSorry about that.\nFARQUAAD\nThat champion shall have the honor - \n- no, no - - the privilege to go forth \nand rescue the lovely Princess Fiona \nfrom the fiery keep of the dragon. If \nfor any reason the winner is unsuccessful, \nthe first runner-up will take his place \nand so on and so forth. Some of you \nmay die, but it's a sacrifice I am willing \nto make. (cheers) Let the tournament \nbegin! (He notices Shrek) Oh! What is \nthat? It's hideous!\nSHREK\n(turns to look at Donkey and then back \nat Farquaad) Ah, that's not very nice. \nIt's just a donkey.\nFARQUAAD\nIndeed. Knights, new plan! The one who \nkills the ogre will be named champion! \nHave it him!\nMEN\nGet him!\nSHREK\nOh, hey! Now come on! Hang on now. (bumps \ninto a table where there are mugs of \nbeer)\nCROWD\nGo ahead! Get him!\nSHREK\n(holds up a mug of beer) Can't we just \nsettle this over a pint?\nCROWD\nKill the beast!\nSHREK\nNo? All right then. (drinks the beer) \nCome on!\nHe takes the mug and smashes the spigot off the large barrel \nof beer behind him. The beer comes rushing out drenching the \nother men and wetting the ground. It's like mud now. Shrek slides \npast the men and picks up a spear that one of the men dropped. \nAs Shrek begins to fight Donkey hops up onto one of the larger \nbeer barrels. It breaks free of it's ropes and begins to roll. \nDonkey manages to squish two men into the mud. There is so much \nfighting going on here I'm not going to go into detail. Suffice \nto say that Shrek kicks butt.\nDONKEY\nHey, Shrek, tag me! Tag me!\nShrek comes over and bangs a man's head up against Donkeys. Shrek \ngets up on the ropes and interacts with the crowd.\nSHREK\nYeah!\nA man tries to sneak up behind Shrek, but Shrek turns in time \nand sees him.\nWOMAN\nThe chair! Give him the chair!\nShrek smashes a chair over the guys back. Finally all the men \nare down. Donkey kicks one of them in the helmet, and the ding \nsounds the end of the match. The audience goes wild.\nSHREK\nOh, yeah! Ah! Ah! Thank you! Thank you \nvery much! I'm here till Thursday. Try \nthe veal! Ha, ha! (laughs)\nThe laughter stops as all of the guards turn their weapons on \nShrek.\nHEAD GUARD\nShall I give the order, sir?\nFARQUAAD\nNo, I have a better idea. People of \nDuLoc, I give you our champion!\nSHREK\nWhat?\nFARQUAAD\nCongratulations, ogre. You're won the \nhonor of embarking on a great and noble \nquest.\nSHREK\nQuest? I'm already in a quest, a quest \nto get my swamp back.\nFARQUAAD\nYour swamp?\nSHREK\nYeah, my swamp! Where you dumped those \nfairy tale creatures!\nFARQUAAD\nIndeed. All right, ogre. I'll make you \na deal. Go on this quest for me, and \nI'll give you your swamp back.\nSHREK\nExactly the way it was?\nFARQUAAD\nDown to the last slime-covered toadstool.\nSHREK\nAnd the squatters?\nFARQUAAD\nAs good as gone.\nSHREK\nWhat kind of quest?\nTime Lapse - Donkey and Shrek are now walking through the field \nheading away from DuLoc. Shrek is munching on an onion.\nDONKEY\nLet me get this straight. You're gonna \ngo fight a dragon and rescue a princess \njust so Farquaad will give you back \na swamp which you only don't have because \nhe filled it full of freaks in the first \nplace. Is that about right?\nSHREK\nYou know, maybe there's a good reason \ndonkeys shouldn't talk.\nDONKEY\nI don't get it. Why don't you just pull \nsome of that ogre stuff on him? Throttle \nhim, lay siege to his fortress, grinds \nhis bones to make your bread, the whole \nogre trip.\nSHREK\nOh, I know what. Maybe I could have \ndecapitated an entire village and put \ntheir heads on a pike, gotten a knife, \ncut open their spleen and drink their \nfluids. Does that sound good to you?\nDONKEY\nUh, no, not really, no.\nSHREK\nFor your information, there's a lot \nmore to ogres than people think.\nDONKEY\nExample?\nSHREK\nExample? Okay, um, ogres are like onions. \n(he holds out his onion)\nDONKEY\n(sniffs the onion) They stink?\nSHREK\nYes - - No!\nDONKEY\nThey make you cry?\nSHREK\nNo!\nDONKEY\nYou leave them in the sun, they get \nall brown, start sproutin' little white \nhairs.\nSHREK\nNo! Layers! Onions have layers. Ogres \nhave layers! Onions have layers. You \nget it? We both have layers. (he heaves \na sigh and then walks off)\nDONKEY\n(trailing after Shrek) Oh, you both \nhave layers. Oh. {Sniffs} You know, \nnot everybody likes onions. Cake! Everybody \nloves cakes! Cakes have layers.\nSHREK\nI don't care... what everyone likes. \nOgres are not like cakes.\nDONKEY\nYou know what else everybody likes? \nParfaits. Have you ever met a person, \nyou say, \"Let's get some parfait,\" they \nsay, \"Hell no, I don't like no parfait\"? \nParfaits are delicious.\nSHREK\nNo! You dense, irritating, miniature \nbeast of burden! Ogres are like onions! \nAnd of story. Bye-bye. See ya later.\nDONKEY\nParfaits may be the most delicious thing \non the whole damn planet.\nSHREK\nYou know, I think I preferred your humming.\nDONKEY\nDo you have a tissue or something? I'm \nmaking a mess. Just the word parfait \nmake me start slobbering.\nThey head off. There is a montage of their journey. Walking through \na field at sunset. Sleeping beneath a bright moon. Shrek trying \nto put the campfire out the next day and having a bit of a problem, \nso Donkey pees on the fire to put it out.\nDRAGON'S KEEP\nShrek and Donkey are walking up to the keep that's supposed to \nhouse Princess Fiona. It appears to look like a giant volcano.\nDONKEY\n(sniffs) Ohh! Shrek! Did you do that? \nYou gotta warn somebody before you just \ncrack one off. My mouth was open and \neverything.\nSHREK\nBelieve me, Donkey, if it was me, you'd \nbe dead. (sniffs) It's brimstone. We \nmust be getting close.\nDONKEY\nYeah, right, brimstone. Don't be talking \nabout it's the brimstone. I know what \nI smell. It wasn't no brimstone. It \ndidn't come off no stone neither.\nThey climb up the side of the volcano/keep and look down. There \nis a small piece of rock right in the center and that is where \nthe castle is. It is surrounded by boiling lava. It looks very \nforeboding.\nSHREK\nSure, it's big enough, but look at the \nlocation. (laughs...then the laugh turns \ninto a groan)\nDONKEY\nUh, Shrek? Uh, remember when you said \nogres have layers?\nSHREK\nOh, aye.\nDONKEY\nWell, I have a bit of a confession to \nmake. Donkeys don't have layers. We \nwear our fear right out there on our \nsleeves.\nSHREK\nWait a second. Donkeys don't have sleeves.\nDONKEY\nYou know what I mean.\nSHREK\nYou can't tell me you're afraid of heights.\nDONKEY\nNo, I'm just a little uncomfortable \nabout being on a rickety bridge over \na boiling like of lava!\nSHREK\nCome on, Donkey. I'm right here beside \nya, okay? For emotional support., we'll \njust tackle this thing together one \nlittle baby step at a time.\nDONKEY\nReally?\nSHREK\nReally, really.\nDONKEY\nOkay, that makes me feel so much better.\nSHREK\nJust keep moving. And don't look down.\nDONKEY\nOkay, don't look down. Don't look down. \nDon't look down. Keep on moving. Don't \nlook down. (he steps through a rotting \nboard and ends up looking straight down \ninto the lava) Shrek! I'm lookin' down! \nOh, God, I can't do this! Just let me \noff, please!\nSHREK\nBut you're already halfway.\nDONKEY\nBut I know that half is safe!\nSHREK\nOkay, fine. I don't have time for this. \nYou go back.\nDONKEY\nShrek, no! Wait!\nSHREK\nJust, Donkey - - Let's have a dance \nthen, shall me? (bounces and sways the \nbridge)\nDONKEY\nDon't do that!\nSHREK\nOh, I'm sorry. Do what? Oh, this? (bounces \nthe bridge again)\nDONKEY\nYes, that!\nSHREK\nYes? Yes, do it. Okay. (continues to \nbounce and sway as he backs Donkey across \nthe bridge)\nDONKEY\nNo, Shrek! No! Stop it!\nSHREK\nYou said do it! I'm doin' it.\nDONKEY\nI'm gonna die. I'm gonna die. Shrek, \nI'm gonna die. (steps onto solid ground) \nOh!\nSHREK\nThat'll do, Donkey. That'll do. (walks \ntowards the castle)\nDONKEY\nCool. So where is this fire-breathing \npain-in-the-neck anyway?\nSHREK\nInside, waiting for us to rescue her. \n(chuckles)\nDONKEY\nI was talkin' about the dragon, Shrek.\nINSIDE THE CASTLE\nDONKEY\nYou afraid?\nSHREK\nNo.\nDONKEY\nBut...\nSHREK\nShh.\nDONKEY\nOh, good. Me neither. (sees a skeleton \nand gasps) 'Cause there's nothin' wrong \nwith bein' afraid. Fear's a sensible \nresponse to an unfamiliar situation. \nUnfamiliar dangerous situation, I might \nadd. With a dragon that breathes fire \nand eats knights and breathes fire, \nit sure doesn't mean you're a coward \nif you're a little scared. I sure as \nheck ain't no coward. I know that.\nSHREK\nDonkey, two things, okay? Shut ... up. \nNow go over there and see if you can \nfind any stairs.\nDONKEY\nStairs? I thought we was lookin' for \nthe princess.\nSHREK\n(putting on a helmet) The princess will \nbe up the stairs in the highest room \nin the tallest tower.\nDONKEY\nWhat makes you think she'll be there?\nSHREK\nI read it in a book once. (walks off)\nDONKEY\nCool. You handle the dragon. I'll handle \nthe stairs. I'll find those stairs. \nI'll whip their butt too. Those stairs \nwon't know which way they're goin'. \n(walks off)\nEMPTY ROOM\nDonkey is still talking to himself as he looks around the room.\nDONKEY\nI'm gonna take drastic steps. Kick it \nto the curb. Don't mess with me. I'm \nthe stair master. I've mastered the \nstairs. I wish I had a step right here. \nI'd step all over it.\nELSEWHERE\nShrek spots a light in the tallest tower window.\nSHREK\nWell, at least we know where the princess \nis, but where's the...\nDONKEY\n(os) Dragon!\nDonkey gasps and takes off running as the dragon roars again. \nShrek manages to grab Donkey out of the way just as the dragon \nbreathes fire.\nSHREK\nDonkey, look out! (he manages to get \na hold of the dragons tail and holds \non) Got ya!\nThe dragon gets irritated at this and flicks it's tail and Shrek \ngoes flying through the air and crashes through the roof of the \ntallest tower. Fiona wakes up with a jerk and looks at him lying \non the floor.\nDONKEY\nOh! Aah! Aah!\nDonkey get cornered as the Dragon knocks away all but a small \npart of the bridge he's on.\nDONKEY\nNo. Oh, no, No! (the dragon roars) Oh, \nwhat large teeth you have. (the dragon \ngrowls) I mean white, sparkling teeth. \nI know you probably hear this all time \nfrom your food, but you must bleach, \n'cause that is one dazzling smile you \ngot there. Do I detect a hint of minty \nfreshness? And you know what else? You're \n- - You're a girl dragon! Oh, sure! \nI mean, of course you're a girl dragon. \nYou're just reeking of feminine beauty. \n(the dragon begins fluttering her eyes \nat him) What's the matter with you? \nYou got something in your eye? Ohh. \nOh. Oh. Man, I'd really love to stay, \nbut you know, I'm, uh...(the dragon \nblows a smoke ring in the shape of a \nheart right at him, and he coughs) I'm \nan asthmatic, and I don't know if it'd \nwork out if you're gonna blow smoke \nrings. Shrek! (the dragon picks him \nup with her teeth and carries him off) \nNo! Shrek! Shrek! Shrek!\nFIONA'S ROOM\nShrek groans as he gets up off the floor. His back is to Fiona \nso she straightens her dress and lays back down on the bed. She \nthen quickly reaches over and gets the bouquet of flowers off \nthe side table. She then lays back down and appears to be asleep. \nShrek turns and goes over to her. He looks down at Fiona for \na moment and she puckers her lips. Shrek takes her by the shoulders \nand shakes her away.\nFIONA\nOh! Oh!\nSHREK\nWake up!\nFIONA\nWhat?\nSHREK\nAre you Princess Fiona?\nFIONA\nI am, awaiting a knight so bold as to \nrescue me.\nSHREK\nOh, that's nice. Now let's go!\nFIONA\nBut wait, Sir Knight. This be-ith our \nfirst meeting. Should it not be a wonderful, \nromantic moment?\nSHREK\nYeah, sorry, lady. There's no time.\nFIONA\nHey, wait. What are you doing? You should \nsweep me off my feet out yonder window \nand down a rope onto your valiant steed.\nSHREK\nYou've had a lot of time to plan this, \nhaven't you?\nFIONA\n(smiles) Mm-hmm.\nShrek breaks the lock on her door and pulls her out and down \nthe hallway.\nFIONA\nBut we have to savor this moment! You \ncould recite an epic poem for me. A \nballad? A sonnet! A limerick? Or something!\nSHREK\nI don't think so.\nFIONA\nCan I at least know the name of my champion?\nSHREK\nUh, Shrek.\nFIONA\nSir Shrek. (clears throat and holds \nout a handkerchief) I pray that you \ntake this favor as a token of my gratitude.\nSHREK\nThanks!\nSuddenly they hear the dragon roar.\nFIONA\n(surprised)You didn't slay the dragon?\nSHREK\nIt's on my to-do list. Now come on! \n(takes off running and drags Fiona behind \nhim.)\nFIONA\nBut this isn't right! You were meant \nto charge in, sword drawn, banner flying. \nThat's what all the other knights did.\nSHREK\nYeah, right before they burst into flame.\nFIONA\nThat's not the point. (Shrek suddenly \nstops and she runs into him.) Oh! (Shrek \nignores her and heads for a wooden door \noff to the side.) Wait. Where are you \ngoing? The exit's over there.\nSHREK\nWell, I have to save my ass.\nFIONA\nWhat kind of knight are you?\nSHREK\nOne of a kind. (opens the door into \nthe throne room)\nDONKEY\n(os) Slow down. Slow down, baby, please. \nI believe it's healthy to get to know \nsomeone over a long period of time. \nJust call me old-fashioned. (laughs \nworriedly) (we see him up close and \nfrom a distance as Shrek sneaks into \nthe room) I don't want to rush into \na physical relationship. I'm not emotionally \nready for a commitment of, uh, this \n- - Magnitude really is the word I'm \nlooking for. Magnitude- - Hey, that \nis unwanted physical contact. Hey, what \nare you doing? Okay, okay. Let's just \nback up a little and take this one step \nat a time. We really should get to know \neach other first as friends or pen pals. \nI'm on the road a lot, but I just love \nreceiving cards - - I'd really love \nto stay, but - - Don't do that! That's \nmy tail! That's my personal tail. You're \ngonna tear it off. I don't give permission \n- - What are you gonna do with that? \nHey, now. No way. No! No! No, no! No. \nNo, no, no. No! Oh!\nShrek grabs a chain that's connected to the chandelier and swings \ntoward the dragon. He misses and he swings back again. He looks \nup and spots that the chandelier is right above the dragons head. \nHe pulls on the chain and it releases and he falls down and bumps \nDonkey out of the way right as the dragon is about to kiss him. \nInstead the dragon kisses Shreks' butt. She opens her eyes and \nroars. Shrek lets go of the chain and the chandelier falls onto \nher head, but it's too big and it goes over her head and forms \na sort of collar for her. She roars again and Shrek and Donkey \ntake off running. Very 'Matrix' style. Shrek grabs Donkey and \nthen grabs Princess Fiona as he runs past her.\nDONKEY\nHi, Princess!\nFIONA\nIt talks!\nSHREK\nYeah, it's getting him to shut up that's \nthe trick.\nThey all start screaming as the dragon gains on them. Shrek spots \na descending slide and jumps on. But unfortunately there is a \ncrack in the stone and it hits Shrek right in the groin. His \neyes cross and as he reaches the bottom of the slide he stumbles \noff and walks lightly.\nSHREK\nOh!\nShrek gets them close to the exit and sets down Donkey and Fiona.\nSHREK\nOkay, you two, heard for the exit! I'll \ntake care of the dragon.\nShrek grabs a sword and heads back toward the interior of the \ncastle. He throws the sword down in between several overlapping \nchain links. The chain links are attached to the chandelier that \nis still around the dragons neck.\nSHREK\n(echoing) Run!\nThey all take off running for the exit with the dragon in hot \npursuit. They make it to the bridge and head across. The dragons \nbreathes fire and the bridge begins to burn. They all hang on \nfor dear life as the ropes holding the bridge up collapse. They \nare swung to the other side. As they hang upside down they look \nin horror as the dragon makes to fly over the boiling lava to \nget them. But suddenly the chandelier with the chain jerk the \ndragon back and she's unable to get to them. Our gang climbs \nquickly to safety as the dragon looks angry and then gives a \nsad whimper as she watches Donkey walk away.\nFIONA\n(sliding down the 'volcano' hill) You \ndid it! You rescued me! You're amazing. \n(behind her Donkey falls down the hill) \nYou're - - You're wonderful. You're... \n(turns and sees Shrek fall down the \nhill and bump into Donkey) a little \nunorthodox I'll admit. But thy deed \nis great, and thy heart is pure. I am \neternally in your debt. (Donkey clears \nhis throat.) And where would a brave \nknight be without his noble steed?\nDONKEY\nI hope you heard that. She called me \na noble steed. She think I'm a steed.\nFIONA\nThe battle is won. You may remove your \nhelmet, good Sir Knight.\nSHREK\nUh, no.\nFIONA\nWhy not?\nSHREK\nI have helmet hair.\nFIONA\nPlease. I would'st look upon the face \nof my rescuer.\nSHREK\nNo, no, you wouldn't - - 'st.\nFIONA\nBut how will you kiss me?\nSHREK\nWhat? (to Donkey) That wasn't in the \njob description.\nDONKEY\nMaybe it's a perk.\nFIONA\nNo, it's destiny. Oh, you must know \nhow it goes. A princess locked in a \ntower and beset by a dragon is rescued \nby a brave knight, and then they share \ntrue love's first kiss.\nDONKEY\nHmm? With Shrek? You think- - Wait. \nWait. You think that Shrek is you true \nlove?\nFIONA\nWell, yes.\nBoth Donkey and Shrek burst out laughing.\nDONKEY\nYou think Shrek is your true love!\nFIONA\nWhat is so funny?\nSHREK\nLet's just say I'm not your type, okay?Fiona: \nOf course, you are. You're my rescuer. \nNow - - Now remove your helmet.\nSHREK\nLook. I really don't think this is a \ngood idea.\nFIONA\nJust take off the helmet.\nSHREK\nI'm not going to.\nFIONA\nTake it off.\nSHREK\nNo!\nFIONA\nNow!\nSHREK\nOkay! Easy. As you command. Your Highness. \n(takes off his helmet)\nFIONA\nYou- - You're a- - an ogre.\nSHREK\nOh, you were expecting Prince Charming.\nFIONA\nWell, yes, actually. Oh, no. This is \nall wrong. You're not supposed to be \nan ogre.\nSHREK\nPrincess, I was sent to rescue you by \nLord Farquaad, okay? He is the one who \nwants to marry you.\nFIONA\nThen why didn't he come rescue me?\nSHREK\nGood question. You should ask him that \nwhen we get there.\nFIONA\nBut I have to be rescued by my true \nlove, not by some ogre and his- - his \npet.\nDONKEY\nWell, so much for noble steed.\nSHREK\nYou're not making my job any easier.\nFIONA\nI'm sorry, but your job is not my problem. \nYou can tell Lord Farquaad that if he \nwants to rescue me properly, I'll be \nwaiting for him right here.\nSHREK\nHey! I'm no one's messenger boy, all \nright? (ominous) I'm a delivery boy. \n(he swiftly picks her up and swings \nher over his shoulder like she was a \nsack of potatoes)\nFIONA\nYou wouldn't dare. Put me down!\nSHREK\nYa comin', Donkey?\nDONKEY\nI'm right behind ya.\nFIONA\nPut me down, or you will suffer the \nconsequences! This is not dignified! \nPut me down!\nWOODS\nA little time has passed and Fiona has calmed down. She just \nhangs there limply while Shrek carries her.\nDONKEY\nOkay, so here's another question. Say \nthere's a woman that digs you, right, \nbut you don't really like her that way. \nHow do you let her down real easy so \nher feelings aren't hurt, but you don't \nget burned to a crisp and eaten?\nFIONA\nYou just tell her she's not your true \nlove. Everyone knows what happens when \nyou find your...(Shrek drops her on \nthe ground) Hey! The sooner we get to \nDuLoc the better.\nDONKEY\nYou're gonna love it there, Princess. \nIt's beautiful!\nFIONA\nAnd what of my groom-to-be? Lord Farquaad? \nWhat's he like?\nSHREK\nLet me put it this way, Princess. Men \nof Farquaad's stature are in short supply. \n(he and Donkey laugh)\nShrek then proceeds to splash water onto his face to wash off \nthe dust and grime.\nDONKEY\nI don't know. There are those who think \nlittle of him. (they laugh again) Fiona: \nStop it. Stop it, both of you. You're \njust jealous you can never measure up \nto a great ruler like Lord Farquaad.\nSHREK\nYeah, well, maybe you're right, Princess. \nBut I'll let you do the \"measuring\" \nwhen you see him tomorrow.\nFIONA\n(looks at the setting sun) Tomorrow? \nIt'll take that long? Shouldn't we stop \nto make camp?\nSHREK\nNo, that'll take longer. We can keep \ngoing.\nFIONA\nBut there's robbers in the woods.\nDONKEY\nWhoa! Time out, Shrek! Camp is starting \nto sound good.\nSHREK\nHey, come on. I'm scarier than anything \nwe're going to see in this forest.\nFIONA\nI need to find somewhere to camp now!\nBoth Donkey and Shrek's ears lower as they shrink away from her.\nMOUNTAIN CLIFF\nShrek has found a cave that appears to be in good order. He shoves \na stone boulder out of the way to reveal the cave.\nSHREK\nHey! Over here.\nDONKEY\nShrek, we can do better than that. I \ndon't think this is fit for a princess.\nFIONA\nNo, no, it's perfect. It just needs \na few homey touches.\nSHREK\nHomey touches? Like what? (he hears \na tearing noise and looks over at Fiona \nwho has torn the bark off of a tree.)\nFIONA\nA door? Well, gentlemen, I bid thee \ngood night. (goes into the cave and \nputs the bark door up behind her)\nDONKEY\nYou want me to read you a bedtime story? \nI will.\nFIONA\n(os) I said good night!\nShrek looks at Donkey for a second and then goes to move the \nboulder back in front of the entrance to the cave with Fiona \nstill inside.\nDONKEY\nShrek, What are you doing?\nSHREK\n(laughs) I just- - You know - - Oh, \ncome on. I was just kidding.\nLATER THAT NIGHT\nShrek and Donkey are sitting around a campfire. They are staring \nup into the sky as Shrek points out certain star constellations \nto Donkey.\nSHREK\nAnd, uh, that one, that's Throwback, \nthe only ogre to ever spit over three \nwheat fields.\nDONKEY\nRight. Yeah. Hey, can you tell my future \nfrom these stars?\nSHREK\nThe stars don't tell the future, Donkey. \nThey tell stories. Look, there's Bloodnut, \nthe Flatulent. You can guess what he's \nfamous for.\nDONKEY\nI know you're making this up.\nSHREK\nNo, look. There he is, and there's the \ngroup of hunters running away from his \nstench.\nDONKEY\nThat ain't nothin' but a bunch of little \ndots.\nSHREK\nYou know, Donkey, sometimes things are \nmore than they appear. Hmm? Forget it.\nDONKEY\n(heaves a big sigh) Hey, Shrek, what \nwe gonna do when we get our swamp anyway?\nSHREK\nOur swamp?\nDONKEY\nYou know, when we're through rescuing \nthe princess.\nSHREK\nWe? Donkey, there's no \"we\". There's \nno \"our\". There's just me and my swamp. \nThe first thing I'm gonna do is build \na ten-foot wall around my land.\nDONKEY\nYou cut me deep, Shrek. You cut me real \ndeep just now. You know what I think? \nI think this whole wall thing is just \na way to keep somebody out.\nSHREK\nNo, do ya think?\nDONKEY\nAre you hidin' something?\nSHREK\nNever mind, Donkey.\nDONKEY\nOh, this is another one of those onion \nthings, isn't it?\nSHREK\nNo, this is one of those drop-it and \nleave-it alone things.\nDONKEY\nWhy don't you want to talk about it?\nSHREK\nWhy do you want to talk about it?\nDONKEY\nWhy are you blocking?\nSHREK\nI'm not blocking.\nDONKEY\nOh, yes, you are.\nSHREK\nDonkey, I'm warning you.\nDONKEY\nWho you trying to keep out?\nSHREK\nEveryone! Okay?\nDONKEY\n(pause) Oh, now we're gettin' somewhere. \n(grins)\nAt this point Fiona pulls the 'door' away from the entrance to \nthe cave and peaks out. Neither of the guys see her.\nSHREK\nOh! For the love of Pete! (gets up and \nwalks over to the edge of the cliff \nand sits down)\nDONKEY\nWhat's your problem? What you got against \nthe whole world anyway?\nSHREK\nLook, I'm not the one with the problem, \nokay? It's the world that seems to have \na problem with me. People take one look \nat me and go. \"Aah! Help! Run! A big, \nstupid, ugly ogre!\" They judge me before \nthey even know me. That's why I'm better \noff alone.\nDONKEY\nYou know what? When we met, I didn't \nthink you was just a big, stupid, ugly \nogre.\nSHREK\nYeah, I know.\nDONKEY\nSo, uh, are there any donkeys up there?\nSHREK\nWell, there's, um, Gabby, the Small \nand Annoying.\nDONKEY\nOkay, okay, I see it now. The big shiny \none, right there. That one there?\nFiona puts the door back.\nSHREK\nThat's the moon.\nDONKEY\nOh, okay.\nDuLoc - Farquaad's Bedroom\nThe camera pans over a lot of wedding stuff. Soft music plays \nin the background. Farquaad is in bed, watching as the Magic \nMirror shows him Princess Fiona.\nFARQUAAD\nAgain, show me again. Mirror, mirror, \nshow her to me. Show me the princess.\nMIRROR\nHmph.\nThe Mirror rewinds and begins to play again from the beginning.\nFARQUAAD\nAh. Perfect.\nFarquaad looks down at his bare chest and pulls the sheet up \nto cover himself as though Fiona could see him as he gazes sheepishly \nat her image in the mirror.\nMORNING\nFiona walks out of the cave. She glances at Shrek and Donkey \nwho are still sleeping. She wanders off into the woods and comes \nacross a blue bird. She begins to sing. The bird sings along \nwith her. She hits higher and higher notes and the bird struggles \nto keep up with her. Suddenly the pressure of the note is too \nbig and the bird explodes. Fiona looks a little sheepish, but \nshe eyes the eggs that the bird left behind. Time lapse, Fiona \nis now cooking the eggs for breakfast. Shrek and Donkey are still \nsleeping. Shrek wakes up and looks at Fiona. Donkey's talking \nin his sleep.\nDONKEY\n(quietly) Mmm, yeah, you know I like \nit like that. Come on, baby. I said \nI like it.\nSHREK\nDonkey, wake up. (shakes him)\nDONKEY\nHuh? What?\nSHREK\nWake up.\nDONKEY\nWhat? (stretches and yawns)\nFIONA\nGood morning. Hm, how do you like your \neggs?\nDONKEY\nOh, good morning, Princess!\nFiona gets up and sets the eggs down in front of them.\nSHREK\nWhat's all this about?\nFIONA\nYou know, we kind of got off to a bad \nstart yesterday. I wanted to make it \nup to you. I mean, after all, you did \nrescue me.\nSHREK\nUh, thanks.\nDonkey sniffs the eggs and licks his lips.\nFIONA\nWell, eat up. We've got a big day ahead \nof us. (walks off)\nLATER\nThey are once again on their way. They are walking through the \nforest. Shrek belches.\nDONKEY\nShrek!\nSHREK\nWhat? It's a compliment. Better out \nthan in, I always say. (laughs)\nDONKEY\nWell, it's no way to behave in front \nof a princess.\nFiona belches\nFIONA\nThanks.\nDONKEY\nShe's as nasty as you are.\nSHREK\n(chuckles) You know, you're not exactly \nwhat I expected.\nFIONA\nWell, maybe you shouldn't judge people \nbefore you get to know them.\nShe smiles and then continues walking, singing softly. Suddenly \nfrom out of nowhere, a man swings down and swoops Fiona up into \na tree.\nROBIN HOOD\nLa liberte! Hey!\nSHREK\nPrincess!\nFIONA\n(to Robin Hood) What are you doing?\nROBIN HOOD\nBe still, mon cherie, for I am you savior! \nAnd I am rescuing you from this green...(kisses \nup her arm while Fiona pulls back in \ndisgust)...beast.\nSHREK\nHey! That's my princess! Go find you \nown!\nROBIN HOOD\nPlease, monster! Can't you see I'm a \nlittle busy here?\nFIONA\n(getting fed up) Look, pal, I don't \nknow who you think you are!\nROBIN HOOD\nOh! Of course! Oh, how rude. Please \nlet me introduce myself. Oh, Merry Men. \n(laughs)\nSuddenly an accordion begins to play and the Merry men pop out \nfrom the bushes. They begin to sing Robin's theme song.\nMERRY MEN\nTa, dah, dah, dah, whoo.\nROBIN HOOD\nI steal from the rich and give to the \nneedy.\nMERRY MEN\nHe takes a wee percentage,\nROBIN HOOD\nBut I'm not greedy. I rescue pretty \ndamsels, man, I'm good.\nMERRY MEN\nWhat a guy, Monsieur Hood.\nROBIN HOOD\nBreak it down. I like an honest fight \nand a saucy little maid...\nMERRY MEN\nWhat he's basically saying is he likes \nto get...\nROBIN HOOD\nPaid. So...When an ogre in the bush \ngrabs a lady by the tush. That's bad.\nMERRY MEN\nThat's bad.\nROBIN HOOD\nWhen a beauty's with a beast it makes \nme awfully mad.\nMERRY MEN\nHe's mad, he's really, really mad.\nROBIN HOOD\nI'll take my blade and ram it through \nyour heart, keep your eyes on me, boys \n'cause I'm about to start...\nThere is a grunt as Fiona swings down from the tree limb and \nknocks Robin Hood unconscious.\nFIONA\nMan, that was annoying!\nShrek looks at her in admiration.\nMERRY MAN\nOh, you little- - (shoots an arrow at \nFiona but she ducks out of the way)\nThe arrow flies toward Donkey who jumps into Shrek's arms to \nget out of the way. The arrow proceeds to just bounce off a tree.\nAnother fight sequence begins and Fiona gives a karate yell and \nthen proceeds to beat the crap out of the Merry Men. There is \na very interesting 'Matrix' moment here when Fiona pauses in \nmid-air to fix her hair. Finally all of the Merry Men are down, \nand Fiona begins walking away.\nFIONA\nUh, shall we?\nSHREK\nHold the phone. (drops Donkey and begins \nwalking after Fiona) Oh! Whoa, whoa, \nwhoa. Hold on now. Where did that come \nfrom?\nFIONA\nWhat?\nSHREK\nThat! Back there. That was amazing! \nWhere did you learn that?\nFIONA\nWell...(laughs) when one lives alone, \nuh, one has to learn these things in \ncase there's a...(gasps and points) \nthere's an arrow in your butt!\nSHREK\nWhat? (turns and looks) Oh, would you \nlook at that? (he goes to pull it out \nbut flinches because it's tender)\nFIONA\nOh, no. This is all my fault. I'm so \nsorry.\nDONKEY\n(walking up) Why? What's wrong?\nFIONA\nShrek's hurt.\nDONKEY\nShrek's hurt. Shrek's hurt? Oh, no, \nShrek's gonna die.\nSHREK\nDonkey, I'm okay.\nDONKEY\nYou can't do this to me, Shrek. I'm \ntoo young for you to die. Keep you legs \nelevated. Turn your head and cough. \nDoes anyone know the Heimlich?\nFIONA\nDonkey! Calm down. If you want to help \nShrek, run into the woods and find me \na blue flower with red thorns.\nDONKEY\nBlue flower, red thorns. Okay, I'm on \nit. Blue flower, red thorns. Don't die \nShrek. If you see a long tunnel, stay \naway from the light!\nSHREK & FIONA\nDonkey!\nDONKEY\nOh, yeah. Right. Blue flower, red thorns. \n(runs off)\nSHREK\nWhat are the flowers for?\nFIONA\n(like it's obvious) For getting rid \nof Donkey.\nSHREK\nAh.\nFIONA\nNow you hold still, and I'll yank this \nthing out. (gives the arrow a little \npull)\nSHREK\n(jumps away) Ow! Hey! Easy with the \nyankin'.\nAs they continue to talk Fiona keeps going after the arrow and \nShrek keeps dodging her hands.\nFIONA\nI'm sorry, but it has to come out.\nSHREK\nNo, it's tender.\nFIONA\nNow, hold on.\nSHREK\nWhat you're doing is the opposite of \nhelp.\nFIONA\nDon't move.\nSHREK\nLook, time out.\nFIONA\nWould you...(grunts as Shrek puts his \nhand over her face to stop her from \ngetting at the arrow) Okay. What do \nyou propose we do?\nELSEWHERE\nDonkey is still looking for the special flower.\nDONKEY\nBlue flower, red thorns. Blue flower, \nred thorns. Blue flower, red thorns. \nThis would be so much easier if I wasn't \ncolor-blind! Blue flower, red thorns.\nSHREK\n(os) Ow!\nDONKEY\nHold on, Shrek! I'm comin'! (rips a \nflower off a nearby bush that just happens \nto be a blue flower with red thorns)\nTHE FOREST PATH\nSHREK\nOw! Not good.\nFIONA\nOkay. Okay. I can nearly see the head. \n(Shrek grunts as she pulls) It's just \nabout...\nSHREK\nOw! Ohh! (he jerks and manages to fall \nover with Fiona on top of him)\nDONKEY\nAhem.\nSHREK\n(throwing Fiona off of him) Nothing \nhappend. We were just, uh - -\nDONKEY\nLook, if you wanted to be alone, all \nyou had to do was ask. Okay?\nSHREK\nOh, come on! That's the last thing on \nmy mind. The princess here was just- \n- (Fiona pulls the arrow out) Ugh! (he \nturns to look at Fiona who holds up \nthe arrow with a smile) Ow!\nDONKEY\nHey, what's that? (nervous chuckle) \nThat's...is that blood?\nDonkey faints. Shrek walks over and picks him up as they continue \non their way.\nThere is a montage of scenes as the group heads back to DuLoc. \nShrek crawling up to the top of a tree to make it fall over a \nsmall brook so that Fiona won't get wet. Shrek then gets up as \nDonkey is just about to cross the tree and the tree swings back \ninto it's upright position and Donkey flies off. Shrek swatting \nand a bunch of flies and mosquitoes. Fiona grabs a nearby spiderweb \nthat's on a tree branch and runs through the field swinging it \naround to catch the bugs. She then hands it to Shrek who begins \neating like it's a treat. As he walks off she licks her fingers. \nShrek catching a toad and blowing it up like a balloon and presenting \nit to Fiona. Fiona catching a snake, blowing it up, fashioning \nit into a balloon animal and presenting it to Shrek. The group \narriving at a windmill that is near DuLoc.\nWINDMILL\nSHREK\nThere it is, Princess. Your future awaits \nyou.\nFIONA\nThat's DuLoc?\nDONKEY\nYeah, I know. You know, Shrek thinks \nLord Farquaad's compensating for something, \nwhich I think means he has a really...(Shrek \nsteps on his hoof) Ow!\nSHREK\nUm, I, uh- - I guess we better move \non.\nFIONA\nSure. But, Shrek? I'm - - I'm worried \nabout Donkey.\nSHREK\nWhat?\nFIONA\nI mean, look at him. He doesn't look \nso good.\nDONKEY\nWhat are you talking about? I'm fine.\nFIONA\n(kneels to look him in the eyes) That's \nwhat they always say, and then next \nthing you know, you're on your back. \n(pause) Dead.\nSHREK\nYou know, she's right. You look awful. \nDo you want to sit down?\nFIONA\nUh, you know, I'll make you some tea.\nDONKEY\nI didn't want to say nothin', but I \ngot this twinge in my neck, and when \nI turn my head like this, look, (turns \nhis neck in a very sharp way until his \nhead is completely sideways) Ow! See?\nSHREK\nWho's hungry? I'll find us some dinner.\nFIONA\nI'll get the firewood.\nDONKEY\nHey, where you goin'? Oh, man, I can't \nfeel my toes! (looks down and yelps) \nI don't have any toes! I think I need \na hug.\nSUNSET\nShrek has built a fire and is cooking the rest of dinner while \nFiona eats.\nFIONA\nMmm. This is good. This is really good. \nWhat is this?\nSHREK\nUh, weed rat. Rotisserie style.\nFIONA\nNo kidding. Well, this is delicious.\nSHREK\nWell, they're also great in stews. Now, \nI don't mean to brag, but I make a mean \nweed rat stew. (chuckles)\nFiona looks at DuLoc and sighs.\nFIONA\nI guess I'll be dining a little differently \ntomorrow night.\nSHREK\nMaybe you can come visit me in the swamp \nsometime. I'll cook all kind of stuff \nfor you. Swamp toad soup, fish eye tartare \n- - you name it.\nFIONA\n(smiles) I'd like that.\nThey smiles at each other.\nSHREK\nUm, Princess?\nFIONA\nYes, Shrek?\nSHREK\nI, um, I was wondering...are you...(sighs) \nAre you gonna eat that?\nDONKEY\n(chuckles) Man, isn't this romantic? \nJust look at that sunset.\nFIONA\n(jumps up) Sunset? Oh, no! I mean, it's \nlate. I-It's very late.\nSHREK\nWhat?\nDONKEY\nWait a minute. I see what's goin' on \nhere. You're afraid of the dark, aren't \nyou?\nFIONA\nYes! Yes, that's it. I'm terrified. \nYou know, I'd better go inside.\nDONKEY\nDon't feel bad, Princess. I used to \nbe afraid of the dark, too, until - \n- Hey, no, wait. I'm still afraid of \nthe dark.\nShrek sighs\nFIONA\nGood night.\nSHREK\nGood night.\nFiona goes inside the windmill and closes the door. Donkey looks \nat Shrek with a new eye.\nDONKEY\nOhh! Now I really see what's goin' on \nhere.\nSHREK\nOh, what are you talkin' about?\nDONKEY\nI don't even wanna hear it. Look, I'm \nan animal, and I got instincts. And \nI know you two were diggin' on each \nother. I could feel it.\nSHREK\nYou're crazy. I'm just bringing her \nback to Farquaad.\nDONKEY\nOh, come on, Shrek. Wake up and smell \nthe pheromones. Just go on in and tell \nher how you feel.\nSHREK\nI- - There's nothing to tell. Besides, \neven if I did tell her that, well, you \nknow - - and I'm not sayin' I do 'cause \nI don't - - she's a princess, and I'm \n- -\nDONKEY\nAn ogre?\nSHREK\nYeah. An ogre.\nDONKEY\nHey, where you goin'?\nSHREK\nTo get... move firewood. (sighs)\nDonkey looks over at the large pile of firewood there already \nis.\nTIME LAPSE\nDonkey opens the door to the Windmill and walks in. Fiona is \nnowhere to be seen.\nDONKEY\nPrincess? Princess Fiona? Princess, \nwhere are you? Princess?\nFiona looks at Donkey from the shadows, but we can't see her.\nDONKEY\nIt's very spooky in here. I ain't playing \nno games.\nSuddenly Fiona falls from the railing. She gets up only she doesn't \nlook like herself. She looks like an ogre and Donkey starts freaking \nout.\nDONKEY\nAah!\nFIONA\nOh, no!\nDONKEY\nNo, help!\nFIONA\nShh!\nDONKEY\nShrek! Shrek! Shrek!\nFIONA\nNo, it's okay. It's okay.\nDONKEY\nWhat did you do with the princess?\nFIONA\nDonkey, I'm the princess.\nDONKEY\nAah!\nFIONA\nIt's me, in this body.\nDONKEY\nOh, my God! You ate the princess. (to \nher stomach) Can you hear me?\nFIONA\nDonkey!\nDONKEY\n(still aimed at her stomach) Listen, \nkeep breathing! I'll get you out of \nthere!\nFIONA\nNo!\nDONKEY\nShrek! Shrek! Shrek!\nFIONA\nShh.\nDONKEY\nShrek!\nFIONA\nThis is me.\nDonkey looks into her eyes as she pets his muzzle, and he quiets \ndown.\nDONKEY\nPrincess? What happened to you? You're, \nuh, uh, uh, different.\nFIONA\nI'm ugly, okay?\nDONKEY\nWell, yeah! Was it something you ate? \n'Cause I told Shrek those rats was a \nbad idea. You are what you eat, I said. \nNow - -\nFIONA\nNo. I - - I've been this way as long \nas I can remember.\nDONKEY\nWhat do you mean? Look, I ain't never \nseen you like this before.\nFIONA\nIt only happens when sun goes down. \n\"By night one way, by day another. This \nshall be the norm... until you find \ntrue love's first kiss... and then take \nlove's true form.\"\nDONKEY\nAh, that's beautiful. I didn't know \nyou wrote poetry.\nFIONA\nIt's a spell. (sigh) When I was a little \ngirl, a witch cast a spell on me. Every \nnight I become this. This horrible, \nugly beast! I was placed in a tower \nto await the day my true love would \nrescue me. That's why I have to marry \nLord Farquaad tomorrow before the sun \nsets and he sees me like this. (begins \nto cry)\nDONKEY\nAll right, all right. Calm down. Look, \nit's not that bad. You're not that ugly. \nWell, I ain't gonna lie. You are ugly. \nBut you only look like this at night. \nShrek's ugly 24-7.\nFIONA\nBut Donkey, I'm a princess, and this \nis not how a princess is meant to look.\nDONKEY\nPrincess, how 'bout if you don't marry \nFarquaad?\nFIONA\nI have to. Only my true love's kiss \ncan break the spell.\nDONKEY\nBut, you know, um, you're kind of an \norge, and Shrek - - well, you got a \nlot in common.\nFIONA\nShrek?\nOUTSIDE\nShrek is walking towards the windmill with a sunflower in his \nhand.\nSHREK\n(to himself) Princess, I - - Uh, how's \nit going, first of all? Good? Um, good \nfor me too. I'm okay. I saw this flower \nand thought of you because it's pretty \nand - - well, I don't really like it, \nbut I thought you might like it 'cause \nyou're pretty. But I like you anyway. \nI'd - - uh, uh...(sighs) I'm in trouble. \nOkay, here we go.\nHe walks up to the door and pauses outside when he hears Donkey \nand Fiona talking.\nFIONA\n(os) I can't just marry whoever I want. \nTake a good look at me, Donkey. I mean, \nreally, who can ever love a beast so \nhideous and ugly? \"Princess\" and \"ugly\" \ndon't go together. That's why I can't \nstay here with Shrek.\nShrek steps back in shock.\nFIONA\n(os) My only chance to live happily \never after is to marry my true love.\nShrek heaves a deep sigh. He throws the flower down and walks \naway.\nINSIDE\nFIONA\nDon't you see, Donkey? That's just how \nit has to be. It's the only way to break \nthe spell.\nDONKEY\nYou at least gotta tell Shrek the truth.\nFIONA\nNo! You can't breathe a word. No one \nmust ever know.\nDONKEY\nWhat's the point of being able to talk \nif you gotta keep secrets?\nFIONA\nPromise you won't tell. Promise!\nDONKEY\nAll right, all right. I won't tell him. \nBut you should. (goes outside) I just \nknow before this is over, I'm gonna \nneed a whole lot of serious therapy. \nLook at my eye twitchin'.\nFiona comes out the door and watches him walk away. She looks \ndown and spots the sunflower. She picks it up before going back \ninside the windmill.\nMORNING\nDonkey is asleep. Shrek is nowhere to be seen. Fiona is still \nawake. She is plucking petals from the sunflower.\nFIONA\nI tell him, I tell him not. I tell him, \nI tell him not. I tell him. (she quickly \nruns to the door and goes outside) Shrek! \nShrek, there's something I want...(she \nlooks and sees the rising sun, and as \nthe sun crests the sky she turns back \ninto a human.)\nJust as she looks back at the sun she sees Shrek stomping towards \nher.\nFIONA\nShrek. Are you all right?\nSHREK\nPerfect! Never been better.\nFIONA\nI - - I don't - - There's something \nI have to tell you.\nSHREK\nYou don't have to tell me anything, \nPrincess. I heard enough last night.\nFIONA\nYou heard what I said?\nSHREK\nEvery word.\nFIONA\nI thought you'd understand.\nSHREK\nOh, I understand. Like you said, \"Who \ncould love a hideous, ugly beast?\"\nFIONA\nBut I thought that wouldn't matter to \nyou.\nSHREK\nYeah? Well, it does. (Fiona looks at \nhim in shock. He looks past her and \nspots a group approaching.) Ah, right \non time. Princess, I've brought you \na little something.\nFarquaad has arrived with a group of his men. He looks very regal \nsitting up on his horse. You would never guess that he's only \nlike 3 feet tall. Donkey wakes up with a yawn as the soldiers \nmarch by.\nDONKEY\nWhat'd I miss? What'd I miss? (spots \nthe soldiers) (muffled) Who said that? \nCouldn't have been the donkey.\nFARQUAAD\nPrincess Fiona.\nSHREK\nAs promised. Now hand it over.\nFARQUAAD\nVery well, ogre. (holds out a piece \nof paper) The deed to your swamp, cleared \nout, as agreed. Take it and go before \nI change my mind. (Shrek takes the paper) \nForgive me, Princess, for startling \nyou, but you startled me, for I have \nnever seen such a radiant beauty before. \nI'm Lord Farquaad.\nFIONA\nLord Farquaad? Oh, no, no. (Farquaad \nsnaps his fingers) Forgive me, my lord, \nfor I was just saying a short... (Watches \nas Farquaad is lifted off his horse \nand set down in front of her. He comes \nto her waist.) farewell.\nFARQUAAD\nOh, that is so sweet. You don't have \nto waste good manners on the ogre. It's \nnot like it has feelings.\nFIONA\nNo, you're right. It doesn't.\nDonkey watches this exchange with a curious look on his face.\nFARQUAAD\nPrincess Fiona, beautiful, fair, flawless \nFiona. I ask your hand in marriage. \nWill you be the perfect bride for the \nperfect groom?\nFIONA\nLord Farquaad, I accept. Nothing would \nmake - -\nFARQUAAD\n(interrupting) Excellent! I'll start \nthe plans, for tomorrow we wed!\nFIONA\nNo! I mean, uh, why wait? Let's get \nmarried today before the sun sets.\nFARQUAAD\nOh, anxious, are you? You're right. \nThe sooner, the better. There's so much \nto do! There's the caterer, the cake, \nthe band, the guest list. Captain, round \nup some guests! (a guard puts Fiona \non the back of his horse)\nFIONA\nFare-thee-well, ogre.\nFarquaad's whole party begins to head back to DuLoc. Donkey watches \nthem go.\nDONKEY\nShrek, what are you doing? You're letting \nher get away.\nSHREK\nYeah? So what?\nDONKEY\nShrek, there's something about her you \ndon't know. Look, I talked to her last \nnight, She's - -\nSHREK\nI know you talked to her last night. \nYou're great pals, aren't ya? Now, if \nyou two are such good friends, why don't \nyou follow her home?\nDONKEY\nShrek, I - - I wanna go with you.\nSHREK\nI told you, didn't I? You're not coming \nhome with me. I live alone! My swamp! \nMe! Nobody else! Understand? Nobody! \nEspecially useless, pathetic, annoying, \ntalking donkeys!\nDONKEY\nBut I thought - -\nSHREK\nYeah. You know what? You thought wrong! \n(stomps off)\nDONKEY\nShrek.\nMontage of different scenes. Shrek arriving back home. Fiona \nbeing fitted for the wedding dress. Donkey at a stream running \ninto the dragon. Shrek cleaning up his house. Fiona eating dinner \nalone. Shrek eating dinner alone.\nSHREK'S HOME\nShrek is eating dinner when he hears a sound outside. He goes \noutside to investigate.\nSHREK\nDonkey? (Donkey ignores him and continues \nwith what he's doing.) What are you \ndoing?\nDONKEY\nI would think, of all people, you would \nrecognize a wall when you see one.\nSHREK\nWell, yeah. But the wall's supposed \nto go around my swamp, not through it.\nDONKEY\nIt is around your half. See that's your \nhalf, and this is my half.\nSHREK\nOh! Your half. Hmm.\nDONKEY\nYes, my half. I helped rescue the princess. \nI did half the work. I get half the \nbooty. Now hand me that big old rock, \nthe one that looks like your head.\nSHREK\nBack off!\nDONKEY\nNo, you back off.\nSHREK\nThis is my swamp!\nDONKEY\nOur swamp.\nSHREK\n(grabs the tree branch Donkey is working \nwith) Let go, Donkey!\nDONKEY\nYou let go.\nSHREK\nStubborn jackass!\nDONKEY\nSmelly ogre.\nSHREK\nFine! (drops the tree branch and walks \naway)\nDONKEY\nHey, hey, come back here. I'm not through \nwith you yet.\nSHREK\nWell, I'm through with you.\nDONKEY\nUh-uh. You know, with you it's always, \n\"Me, me, me!\" Well, guess what! Now \nit's my turn! So you just shut up and \npay attention! You are mean to me. You \ninsult me and you don't appreciate anything \nthat I do! You're always pushing me \naround or pushing me away.\nSHREK\nOh, yeah? Well, if I treated you so \nbad, how come you came back?\nDONKEY\nBecause that's what friends do! They \nforgive each other!\nSHREK\nOh, yeah. You're right, Donkey. I forgive \nyou... for stabbin' me in the back! \n(goes into the outhouse and slams the \ndoor)\nDONKEY\nOhh! You're so wrapped up in layers, \nonion boy, you're afraid of your own \nfeelings.\nSHREK\n(os) Go away!\nDONKEY\nThere you are , doing it again just \nlike you did to Fiona. All she ever \ndo was like you, maybe even love you.\nSHREK\n(os) Love me? She said I was ugly, a \nhideous creature. I heard the two of \nyou talking.\nDONKEY\nShe wasn't talkin' about you. She was \ntalkin' about, uh, somebody else.\nSHREK\n(opens the door and comes out) She wasn't \ntalking about me? Well, then who was \nshe talking about?\nDONKEY\nUh-uh, no way. I ain't saying anything. \nYou don't wanna listen to me. Right? \nRight?\nSHREK\nDonkey!\nDONKEY\nNo!\nSHREK\nOkay, look. I'm sorry, all right? (sigh) \nI'm sorry. I guess I am just a big, \nstupid, ugly ogre. Can you forgive me?\nDONKEY\nHey, that's what friends are for, right?\nSHREK\nRight. Friends?\nDONKEY\nFriends.\nSHREK\nSo, um, what did Fiona say about me?\nDONKEY\nWhat are you asking me for? Why don't \nyou just go ask her?\nSHREK\nThe wedding! We'll never make it in \ntime.\nDONKEY\nHa-ha-ha! Never fear, for where, there's \na will, there's a way and I have a way. \n(whistles)\nSuddenly the dragon arrives overhead and flies low enough so \nthey can climb on.\nSHREK\nDonkey?\nDONKEY\nI guess it's just my animal magnetism.\nThey both laugh.\nSHREK\nAw, come here, you. (gives Donkey a \nnoogie)\nDONKEY\nAll right, all right. Don't get all \nslobbery. No one likes a kiss ass. All \nright, hop on and hold on tight. I haven't \nhad a chance to install the seat belts \nyet.\nThey climb aboard the dragon and she takes off for DuLoc.\nDULOC - CHURCH\nFiona and Farquaad are getting married. The whole town is there. \nThe prompter card guy holds up a card that says 'Revered Silence'.\nPRIEST\nPeople of DuLoc, we gather here today \nto bear witness to the union....\nFIONA\n(eyeing the setting sun) Um-\nPRIEST\n...of our new king...\nFIONA\nExcuse me. Could we just skip ahead \nto the \"I do's\"?\nFARQUAAD\n(chuckles and then motions to the priest \nto indulge Fiona) Go on.\nCOURTYARD\nSome guards are milling around. Suddenly the dragon lands with \na boom. The guards all take off running.\nDONKEY\n(to Dragon) Go ahead, HAVE SOME FUN. \nIf we need you, I'll whistle. How about \nthat? (she nods and goes after the guards) \nShrek, wait, wait! Wait a minute! You \nwanna do this right, don't you?\nSHREK\n(at the Church door) What are you talking \nabout?\nDONKEY\nThere's a line you gotta wait for. The \npreacher's gonna say, \"Speak now or \nforever hold your peace.\" That's when \nyou say, \"I object!\"\nSHREK\nI don't have time for this!\nDONKEY\nHey, wait. What are you doing? Listen \nto me! Look, you love this woman, don't \nyou?\nSHREK\nYes.\nDONKEY\nYou wanna hold her?\nSHREK\nYes.\nDONKEY\nPlease her?\nSHREK\nYes!\nDONKEY\n(singing James Brown style) Then you \ngot to, got to try a little tenderness. \n(normal) The chicks love that romantic \ncrap!\nSHREK\nAll right! Cut it out. When does this \nguy say the line?\nDONKEY\nWe gotta check it out.\nINSIDE CHURCH\nAs the priest talks we see Donkey's shadow through one of the \nwindows Shrek tosses him up so he can see.\nPRIEST\nAnd so, by the power vested in me...\nOutside\nSHREK\nWhat do you see?\nDONKEY\nThe whole town's in there.\nInside\nPRIEST\nI now pronounce you husband and wife...\nOutside\nDONKEY\nThey're at the altar.\nInside\nPRIEST\n...king and queen.\nOutside\nDONKEY\nMother Fletcher! He already said it.\nSHREK\nOh, for the love of Pete!\nHe runs inside without catching Donkey, who hits the ground hard.\nINSIDE CHURCH\nSHREK\n(running toward the alter) I object!\nFIONA\nShrek?\nThe whole congregation gasps as they see Shrek.\nFARQUAAD\nOh, now what does he want?\nSHREK\n(to congregation as he reaches the front \nof the Church) Hi, everyone. Havin' \na good time, are ya? I love DuLoc, first \nof all. Very clean.\nFIONA\nWhat are you doing here?\nSHREK\nReally, it's rude enough being alive \nwhen no one wants you, but showing up \nuninvited to a wedding...\nSHREK\nFiona! I need to talk to you.\nFIONA\nOh, now you wanna talk? It's a little \nlate for that, so if you'll excuse me \n- -\nSHREK\nBut you can't marry him.\nFIONA\nAnd why not?\nSHREK\nBecause- - Because he's just marring \nyou so he can be king.\nFARQUAAD\nOutrageous! Fiona, don't listen to him.\nSHREK\nHe's not your true love.\nFIONA\nAnd what do you know about true love?\nSHREK\nWell, I - - Uh - - I mean - -\nFARQUAAD\nOh, this is precious. The ogee has fallen \nin love with the princess! Oh, good \nLord. (laughs)\nThe prompter card guy holds up a card that says 'Laugh'. The \nwhole congregation laughs.\nFARQUAAD\nAn ogre and a princess!\nFIONA\nShrek, is this true?\nFARQUAAD\nWho cares? It's preposterous! Fiona, \nmy love, we're but a kiss away from \nour \"happily ever after.\" Now kiss me! \n(puckers his lips and leans toward her, \nbut she pulls back.)\nFIONA\n(looking at the setting sun) \"By night \none way, by day another.\" (to Shrek) \nI wanted to show you before.\nShe backs up and as the sun sets she changes into her ogre self. \nShe gives Shrek a sheepish smile.\nSHREK\nWell, uh, that explains a lot. (Fiona \nsmiles)\nFARQUAAD\nUgh! It's disgusting! Guards! Guards! \nI order you to get that out of my sight \nnow! Get them! Get them both!\nThe guards run in and separate Fiona and Shrek. Shrek fights \nthem.\nSHREK\nNo, no!\nFIONA\nShrek!\nFARQUAAD\nThis hocus-pocus alters nothing. This \nmarriage is binding, and that makes \nme king! See? See?\nFIONA\nNo, let go of me! Shrek!\nSHREK\nNo!\nFARQUAAD\nDon't just stand there, you morons.\nSHREK\nGet out of my way! Fiona! Arrgh!\nFARQUAAD\nI'll make you regret the day we met. \nI'll see you drawn and quartered! You'll \nbeg for death to save you!\nFIONA\nNo, Shrek!\nFARQUAAD\n(hold a dagger to Fiona's throat) And \nas for you, my wife...\nSHREK\nFiona!\nFARQUAAD\nI'll have you locked back in that tower \nfor the rest of your days! I'm king!\nShrek manages to get a hand free and he whistles.\nFARQUAAD\nI will have order! I will have perfection! \nI will have - - (Donkey and the dragon \nshow up and the dragon leans down and \neats Farquaad) Aaaah! Aah!\nDONKEY\nAll right. Nobody move. I got a dragon \nhere, and I'm not afraid to use it. \n(The dragon roars.) I'm a donkey on \nthe edge!\nThe dragon belches and Farquaad's crown flies out of her mouth \nand falls to the ground.\nDONKEY\nCelebrity marriages. They never last, \ndo they?\nThe congregation cheers.\nDONKEY\nGo ahead, Shrek.\nSHREK\nUh, Fiona?\nFIONA\nYes, Shrek?\nSHREK\nI - - I love you.\nFIONA\nReally?\nSHREK\nReally, really.\nFIONA\n(smiles) I love you too.\nShrek and Fiona kiss. Thelonius takes one of the cards and writes \n'Awwww' on the back and then shows it to the congregation.\nCONGREGATION\nAawww!\nSuddenly the magic of the spell pulls Fiona away. She's lifted \nup into the air and she hovers there while the magic works around \nher.\nWHISPERS\n\"Until you find true love's first kiss \nand then take love's true form. Take \nlove's true form. Take love's true form.\"\nSuddenly Fiona's eyes open wide. She's consumed by the spell \nand then is slowly lowered to the ground.\nSHREK\n(going over to her) Fiona? Fiona. Are \nyou all right?\nFIONA\n(standing up, she's still an ogre) Well, \nyes. But I don't understand. I'm supposed \nto be beautiful.\nSHREK\nBut you ARE beautiful.\nThey smile at each other.\nDONKEY\n(chuckles) I was hoping this would be \na happy ending.\nShrek and Fiona kiss...and the kiss fades into...\nTHE SWAMP\n...their wedding kiss. Shrek and Fiona are now married. 'I'm \na Believer' by Smashmouth is played in the background. Shrek \nand Fiona break apart and run through the crowd to their awaiting \ncarriage. Which is made of a giant onion. Fiona tosses her bouquet \nwhich both Cinderella and Snow White try to catch. But they end \nup getting into a cat fight and so the dragon catches the bouquet \ninstead. The Gingerbread man has been mended somewhat and now \nhas one leg and walks with a candy cane cane. Shrek and Fiona \nwalk off as the rest of the guests party and Donkey takes over \nsinging the song.\nGINGERBREAD MAN\nGod bless us, every one.\nDONKEY\n(as he's done singing and we fade to \nblack) Oh, that's funny. Oh. Oh. I can't \nbreathe. I can't breathe.\nTHE END"
    },
    {
      "id": 2,
      "title": "Bee",
      "script": "BEE Movie\n\nWritten by Jerry Seinfeld & Andy Robin & Barry Marder & Spike Feresten\n\n\nBEE Movie\nAccording to all known laws of aviation, there is no way a bee should be able to fly.\nIts wings are too small to get its fat little body off the ground.\nThe bee, of course, flies anyway because bees don't care what humans think is impossible.\nYellow, black. Yellow, black. Yellow, black. Yellow, black.\nOoh, black and yellow!\nLet's shake it up a little.\nBarry! Breakfast is ready!\nComing!\nHang on a second.\nHello?\nBarry?\nAdam?\nCan you believe this is happening?\nI can't.\nI'll pick you up.\nLooking sharp.\nUse the stairs, Your father paid good money for those.\nSorry. I'm excited.\nHere's the graduate.\nWe're very proud of you, son.\nA perfect report card, all B's.\nVery proud.\nMa! I got a thing going here.\nYou got lint on your fuzz.\nOw! That's me!\nWave to us! We'll be in row 118,000.\nBye!\nBarry, I told you, stop flying in the house!\nHey, Adam.\nHey, Barry.\nIs that fuzz gel?\nA little. Special day, graduation.\nNever thought I'd make it.\nThree days grade school, three days high school.\nThose were awkward.\nThree days college. I'm glad I took a day and hitchhiked around The Hive.\nYou did come back different.\nHi, Barry. Artie, growing a mustache? Looks good.\nHear about Frankie?\nYeah.\nYou going to the funeral?\nNo, I'm not going.\nEverybody knows, sting someone, you die.\nDon't waste it on a squirrel.\nSuch a hothead.\nI guess he could have just gotten out of the way.\nI love this incorporating an amusement park into our day.\nThat's why we don't need vacations.\nBoy, quite a bit of pomp under the circumstances.\nWell, Adam, today we are men.\nWe are!\nBee-men.\nAmen!\nHallelujah!\nStudents, faculty, distinguished bees,\nplease welcome Dean Buzzwell.\nWelcome, New Hive City graduating class of 9:15.\nThat concludes our ceremonies And begins your career at Honex Industries!\nWill we pick our job today?\nI heard it's just orientation.\nHeads up! Here we go.\nKeep your hands and antennas inside the tram at all times.\nWonder what it'll be like?\nA little scary.\nWelcome to Honex, a division of Honesco and a part of the Hexagon Group.\nThis is it!\nWow.\nWow.\nWe know that you, as a bee, have worked your whole life to get to the point where you can work for your whole life.\nHoney begins when our valiant Pollen Jocks bring the nectar to The Hive.\nOur top-secret formula is automatically color-corrected, scent-adjusted and bubble-contoured into this soothing sweet syrup with its distinctive golden glow you know as... Honey!\nThat girl was hot.\nShe's my cousin!\nShe is?\nYes, we're all cousins.\nRight. You're right.\nAt Honex, we constantly strive to improve every aspect of bee existence.\nThese bees are stress-testing a new helmet technology.\nWhat do you think he makes?\nNot enough.\nHere we have our latest advancement, the Krelman.\nWhat does that do?\nCatches that little strand of honey that hangs after you pour it.\nSaves us millions.\nCan anyone work on the Krelman?\nOf course. Most bee jobs are small ones.\nBut bees know that every small job, if it's done well, means a lot.\nBut choose carefully because you'll stay in the job you pick for the rest of your life.\nThe same job the rest of your life? I didn't know that.\nWhat's the difference?\nYou'll be happy to know that bees, as a species, haven't had one day off in 27 million years.\nSo you'll just work us to death?\nWe'll sure try.\nWow! That blew my mind!\n\"What's the difference?\"\nHow can you say that?\nOne job forever?\nThat's an insane choice to have to make.\nI'm relieved. Now we only have to make one decision in life.\nBut, Adam, how could they never have told us that?\nWhy would you question anything? We're bees.\nWe're the most perfectly functioning society on Earth.\nYou ever think maybe things work a little too well here?\nLike what? Give me one example.\nI don't know. But you know what I'm talking about.\nPlease clear the gate. Royal Nectar Force on approach.\nWait a second. Check it out.\nHey, those are Pollen Jocks!\nWow.\nI've never seen them this close.\nThey know what it's like outside The Hive.\nYeah, but some don't come back.\nHey, Jocks!\nHi, Jocks!\nYou guys did great!\nYou're monsters!\nYou're sky freaks! I love it! I love it!\nI wonder where they were.\nI don't know.\nTheir day's not planned.\nOutside The Hive, flying who knows where, doing who knows what.\nYou can't just decide to be a Pollen Jock. You have to be bred for that.\nRight.\nLook. That's more pollen than you and I will see in a lifetime.\nIt's just a status symbol.\nBees make too much of it.\nPerhaps. Unless you're wearing it and the ladies see you wearing it.\nThose ladies?\nAren't they our cousins too?\nDistant. Distant.\nLook at these two.\nCouple of Hive Harrys.\nLet's have fun with them.\nIt must be dangerous being a Pollen Jock.\nYeah. Once a bear pinned me against a mushroom!\nHe had a paw on my throat, and with the other, he was slapping me!\nOh, my!\nI never thought I'd knock him out.\nWhat were you doing during this?\nTrying to alert the authorities.\nI can autograph that.\nA little gusty out there today, wasn't it, comrades?\nYeah. Gusty.\nWe're hitting a sunflower patch six miles from here tomorrow.\nSix miles, huh?\nBarry!\nA puddle jump for us, but maybe you're not up for it.\nMaybe I am.\nYou are not!\nWe're going 0900 at J-Gate.\nWhat do you think, buzzy-boy?\nAre you bee enough?\nI might be. It all depends on what 0900 means.\nHey, Honex!\nDad, you surprised me.\nYou decide what you're interested in?\nWell, there's a lot of choices.\nBut you only get one.\nDo you ever get bored doing the same job every day?\nSon, let me tell you about stirring.\nYou grab that stick, and you just move it around, and you stir it around.\nYou get yourself into a rhythm.\nIt's a beautiful thing.\nYou know, Dad, the more I think about it,\nmaybe the honey field just isn't right for me.\nYou were thinking of what, making balloon animals?\nThat's a bad job for a guy with a stinger.\nJanet, your son's not sure he wants to go into honey!\nBarry, you are so funny sometimes.\nI'm not trying to be funny.\nYou're not funny! You're going into honey. Our son, the stirrer!\nYou're gonna be a stirrer?\nNo one's listening to me!\nWait till you see the sticks I have.\nI could say anything right now.\nI'm gonna get an ant tattoo!\nLet's open some honey and celebrate!\nMaybe I'll pierce my thorax. Shave my antennae. Shack up with a grasshopper. Get a gold tooth and call everybody \"dawg\"!\nI'm so proud.\nWe're starting work today!\nToday's the day.\nCome on! All the good jobs will be gone.\nYeah, right.\nPollen counting, stunt bee, pouring, stirrer, front desk, hair removal...\nIs it still available?\nHang on. Two left!\nOne of them's yours! Congratulations!\nStep to the side.\nWhat'd you get?\nPicking crud out. Stellar!\nWow!\nCouple of newbies?\nYes, sir! Our first day! We are ready!\nMake your choice.\nYou want to go first?\nNo, you go.\nOh, my. What's available?\nRestroom attendant's open, not for the reason you think.\nAny chance of getting the Krelman?\nSure, you're on.\nI'm sorry, the Krelman just closed out.\nWax monkey's always open.\nThe Krelman opened up again.\nWhat happened?\nA bee died. Makes an opening. See? He's dead. Another dead one.\nDeady. Deadified. Two more dead.\nDead from the neck up. Dead from the neck down. That's life!\nOh, this is so hard!\nHeating, cooling, stunt bee, pourer, stirrer, humming, inspector number seven, lint coordinator, stripe supervisor, mite wrangler.\nBarry, what do you think I should... Barry?\nBarry!\nAll right, we've got the sunflower patch in quadrant nine...\nWhat happened to you?\nWhere are you?\nI'm going out.\nOut? Out where?\nOut there.\nOh, no!\nI have to, before I go to work for the rest of my life.\nYou're gonna die! You're crazy! Hello?\nAnother call coming in.\nIf anyone's feeling brave, there's a Korean deli on 83rd that gets their roses today.\nHey, guys.\nLook at that.\nIsn't that the kid we saw yesterday?\nHold it, son, flight deck's restricted.\nIt's OK, Lou. We're gonna take him up.\nReally? Feeling lucky, are you?\nSign here, here. Just initial that.\nThank you.\nOK.\nYou got a rain advisory today, and as you all know, bees cannot fly in rain.\nSo be careful. As always, watch your brooms, hockey sticks, dogs, birds, bears and bats.\nAlso, I got a couple of reports of root beer being poured on us.\nMurphy's in a home because of it, babbling like a cicada!\nThat's awful.\nAnd a reminder for you rookies, bee law number one, absolutely no talking to humans!\n All right, launch positions!\nBuzz, buzz, buzz, buzz! Buzz, buzz, buzz, buzz! Buzz, buzz, buzz, buzz!\nBlack and yellow!\nHello!\nYou ready for this, hot shot?\nYeah. Yeah, bring it on.\nWind, check.\nAntennae, check.\nNectar pack, check.\nWings, check.\nStinger, check.\nScared out of my shorts, check.\nOK, ladies,\nlet's move it out!\nPound those petunias, you striped stem-suckers!\nAll of you, drain those flowers!\nWow! I'm out!\nI can't believe I'm out!\nSo blue.\nI feel so fast and free!\nBox kite!\nWow!\nFlowers!\nThis is Blue Leader, We have roses visual.\nBring it around 30 degrees and hold.\nRoses!\n30 degrees, roger. Bringing it around.\nStand to the side, kid.\nIt's got a bit of a kick.\nThat is one nectar collector!\nEver see pollination up close?\nNo, sir.\nI pick up some pollen here, sprinkle it over here. Maybe a dash over there, a pinch on that one.\nSee that? It's a little bit of magic.\nThat's amazing. Why do we do that?\nThat's pollen power. More pollen, more flowers, more nectar, more honey for us.\nCool.\nI'm picking up a lot of bright yellow, Could be daisies, Don't we need those?\nCopy that visual.\nWait. One of these flowers seems to be on the move.\nSay again? You're reporting a moving flower?\nAffirmative.\nThat was on the line!\nThis is the coolest. What is it?\nI don't know, but I'm loving this color.\nIt smells good.\nNot like a flower, but I like it.\nYeah, fuzzy.\nChemical-y.\nCareful, guys. It's a little grabby.\nMy sweet lord of bees!\nCandy-brain, get off there!\nProblem!\nGuys!\nThis could be bad.\nAffirmative.\nVery close.\nGonna hurt.\nMama's little boy.\nYou are way out of position, rookie!\nComing in at you like a missile!\nHelp me!\nI don't think these are flowers.\nShould we tell him?\nI think he knows.\nWhat is this?!\nMatch point!\nYou can start packing up, honey, because you're about to eat it!\nYowser!\nGross.\nThere's a bee in the car!\nDo something!\nI'm driving!\nHi, bee.\nHe's back here!\nHe's going to sting me!\nNobody move. If you don't move, he won't sting you. Freeze!\nHe blinked!\nSpray him, Granny!\nWhat are you doing?!\nWow... the tension level out here is unbelievable.\nI gotta get home.\nCan't fly in rain. Can't fly in rain. Can't fly in rain.\nMayday! Mayday! Bee going down!\nKen, could you close the window please?\nKen, could you close the window please?\nCheck out my new resume. I made it into a fold-out brochure. You see? Folds out.\nOh, no. More humans. I don't need this.\nWhat was that?\nMaybe this time. This time. This time. This time! This time! This... Drapes!\nThat is diabolical.\nIt's fantastic. It's got all my special skills, even my top-ten favorite movies.\nWhat's number one? Star Wars?\nNah, I don't go for that... kind of stuff.\nNo wonder we shouldn't talk to them. They're out of their minds.\nWhen I leave a job interview, they're flabbergasted, can't believe what I say.\nThere's the sun. Maybe that's a way out.\nI don't remember the sun having a big 75 on it.\nI predicted global warming. I could feel it getting hotter. At first I thought it was just me.\nWait! Stop! Bee!\nStand back. These are winter boots.\nWait!\nDon't kill him!\nYou know I'm allergic to them! This thing could kill me!\nWhy does his life have less value than yours?\nWhy does his life have any less value than mine? Is that your statement?\nI'm just saying all life has value. You don't know what he's capable of feeling.\nMy brochure!\nThere you go, little guy.\nI'm not scared of him.It's an allergic thing.\n Put that on your resume brochure.\nMy whole face could puff up.\nMake it one of your special skills.\nKnocking someone out is also a special skill.\nRight. Bye, Vanessa. Thanks.\nVanessa, next week? Yogurt night?\nSure, Ken. You know, whatever.\nYou could put carob chips on there.\nBye.\nSupposed to be less calories.\nBye.\nI gotta say something. She saved my life. I gotta say something.\nAll right, here it goes.\nNah.\nWhat would I say?\nI could really get in trouble. It's a bee law. You're not supposed to talk to a human.\nI can't believe I'm doing this. I've got to.\nOh, I can't do it. Come on!\nNo. Yes. No. Do it. I can't.\nHow should I start it? \"You like jazz?\" No, that's no good.\nHere she comes! Speak, you fool!\nHi!\nI'm sorry. You're talking.\nYes, I know.\nYou're talking!\nI'm so sorry.\nNo, it's OK. It's fine.\nI know I'm dreaming. But I don't recall going to bed.\nWell, I'm sure this is very disconcerting.\nThis is a bit of a surprise to me. I mean, you're a bee!\nI am. And I'm not supposed to be doing this, but they were all trying to kill me.\nAnd if it wasn't for you... I had to thank you. It's just how I was raised.\nThat was a little weird. I'm talking with a bee.\nYeah.\nI'm talking to a bee. And the bee is talking to me!\nI just want to say I'm grateful.\nI'll leave now.\nWait! How did you learn to do that?\nWhat?\nThe talking thing.\nSame way you did, I guess. \"Mama, Dada, honey.\" You pick it up.\nThat's very funny.\nYeah.\nBees are funny. If we didn't laugh, we'd cry with what we have to deal with.\nAnyway... Can I... get you something?\nLike what?\nI don't know. I mean... I don't know. Coffee?\nI don't want to put you out.\nIt's no trouble. It takes two minutes.\nIt's just coffee.\nI hate to impose.\nDon't be ridiculous!\nActually, I would love a cup.\nHey, you want rum cake?\nI shouldn't.\nHave some.\nNo, I can't.\nCome on!\nI'm trying to lose a couple micrograms.\nWhere?\nThese stripes don't help.\nYou look great!\nI don't know if you know anything about fashion.\nAre you all right?\nNo.\nHe's making the tie in the cab as they're flying up Madison.\nHe finally gets there.\nHe runs up the steps into the church.\nThe wedding is on.\nAnd he says, \"Watermelon?\nI thought you said Guatemalan.\nWhy would I marry a watermelon?\"\nIs that a bee joke?\nThat's the kind of stuff we do.\nYeah, different.\nSo, what are you gonna do, Barry?\nAbout work? I don't know.\nI want to do my part for The Hive, but I can't do it the way they want.\nI know how you feel.\nYou do?\nSure.\nMy parents wanted me to be a lawyer or a doctor, but I wanted to be a florist.\nReally?\nMy only interest is flowers.\nOur new queen was just elected with that same campaign slogan.\nAnyway, if you look... There's my hive right there. See it?\nYou're in Sheep Meadow!\nYes! I'm right off the Turtle Pond!\nNo way! I know that area. I lost a toe ring there once.\nWhy do girls put rings on their toes?\nWhy not?\nIt's like putting a hat on your knee.\nMaybe I'll try that.\nYou all right, ma'am?\nOh, yeah. Fine.\nJust having two cups of coffee!\nAnyway, this has been great.\nThanks for the coffee.\nYeah, it's no trouble.\nSorry I couldn't finish it. If I did, I'd be up the rest of my life.\nAre you...?\nCan I take a piece of this with me?\nSure! Here, have a crumb.\nThanks!\nYeah.\nAll right. Well, then... I guess I'll see you around. Or not.\nOK, Barry.\nAnd thank you so much again... for before.\nOh, that? That was nothing.\nWell, not nothing, but... Anyway...\nThis can't possibly work.\nHe's all set to go.\nWe may as well try it.\nOK, Dave, pull the chute.\nSounds amazing.\nIt was amazing!\nIt was the scariest, happiest moment of my life.\nHumans! I can't believe you were with humans!\nGiant, scary humans!\nWhat were they like?\nHuge and crazy. They talk crazy.\nThey eat crazy giant things.\nThey drive crazy.\nDo they try and kill you, like on TV?\nSome of them. But some of them don't.\nHow'd you get back?\nPoodle.\nYou did it, and I'm glad. You saw whatever you wanted to see.\nYou had your \"experience.\" Now you can pick out yourjob and be normal.\nWell...\nWell?\nWell, I met someone.\nYou did? Was she Bee-ish?\nA wasp?! Your parents will kill you!\nNo, no, no, not a wasp.\nSpider?\nI'm not attracted to spiders.\nI know it's the hottest thing, with the eight legs and all. I can't get by that face.\nSo who is she?\nShe's... human.\nNo, no. That's a bee law. You wouldn't break a bee law.\nHer name's Vanessa.\nOh, boy.\nShe's so nice. And she's a florist!\nOh, no! You're dating a human florist!\nWe're not dating.\nYou're flying outside The Hive, talking to humans that attack our homes with power washers and M-80s! One-eighth a stick of dynamite!\nShe saved my life! And she understands me.\nThis is over!\nEat this.\nThis is not over! What was that?\nThey call it a crumb.\nIt was so stingin' stripey!\nAnd that's not what they eat.\nThat's what falls off what they eat!\nYou know what a Cinnabon is?\nNo.\nIt's bread and cinnamon and frosting. They heat it up...\nSit down!\n...really hot!\nListen to me!\nWe are not them! We're us.\nThere's us and there's them!\nYes, but who can deny the heart that is yearning?\nThere's no yearning. Stop yearning. Listen to me!\nYou have got to start thinking bee, my friend. Thinking bee!\nThinking bee.\nThinking bee.\nThinking bee! Thinking bee! Thinking bee! Thinking bee!\nThere he is. He's in the pool.\nYou know what your problem is, Barry?\nI gotta start thinking bee?\nHow much longer will this go on?\nIt's been three days! Why aren't you working?\nI've got a lot of big life decisions to think about.\nWhat life? You have no life!\nYou have no job. You're barely a bee!\nWould it kill you to make a little honey?\nBarry, come out. Your father's talking to you.\nMartin, would you talk to him?\nBarry, I'm talking to you!\nYou coming?\nGot everything?\nAll set!\nGo ahead. I'll catch up.\nDon't be too long.\nWatch this!\nVanessa!\nWe're still here.\nI told you not to yell at him.\nHe doesn't respond to yelling!\nThen why yell at me?\nBecause you don't listen!\nI'm not listening to this.\nSorry, I've gotta go.\nWhere are you going?\nI'm meeting a friend.\nA girl? Is this why you can't decide?\nBye.\nI just hope she's Bee-ish.\nThey have a huge parade of flowers every year in Pasadena?\nTo be in the Tournament of Roses, that's every florist's dream!\nUp on a float, surrounded by flowers, crowds cheering.\nA tournament. Do the roses compete in athletic events?\nNo. All right, I've got one.\nHow come you don't fly everywhere?\nIt's exhausting. Why don't you run everywhere? It's faster.\nYeah, OK, I see, I see.\nAll right, your turn.\nTiVo. You can just freeze live TV? That's insane!\nYou don't have that?\nWe have Hivo, but it's a disease. It's a horrible, horrible disease.\nOh, my.\nDumb bees!\nYou must want to sting all those jerks.\nWe try not to sting. It's usually fatal for us.\nSo you have to watch your temper.\nVery carefully.\nYou kick a wall, take a walk, write an angry letter and throw it out. Work through it like any emotion: Anger, jealousy, lust.\nOh, my goodness! Are you OK?\nYeah.\nWhat is wrong with you?!\nIt's a bug.\nHe's not bothering anybody.\nGet out of here, you creep!\nWhat was that? A Pic 'N' Save circular?\nYeah, it was. How did you know?\nIt felt like about 10 pages. Seventy-five is pretty much our limit.\nYou've really got that down to a science.\nI lost a cousin to Italian Vogue.\nI'll bet.\nWhat in the name of Mighty Hercules is this?\nHow did this get here? cute Bee, Golden Blossom, Ray Liotta Private Select?\nIs he that actor?\nI never heard of him.\nWhy is this here?\nFor people. We eat it.\nYou don't have enough food of your own?\nWell, yes.\nHow do you get it?\nBees make it.\nI know who makes it! And it's hard to make it!\nThere's heating, cooling, stirring. You need a whole Krelman thing!\nIt's organic.\nIt's our-ganic!\nIt's just honey, Barry.\nJust what?!\nBees don't know about this! This is stealing! A lot of stealing!\nYou've taken our homes, schools,hospitals! This is all we have!\nAnd it's on sale?! I'm getting to the bottom of this.\nI'm getting to the bottom of all of this!\nHey, Hector. You almost done?\nAlmost.\nHe is here. I sense it.\nWell, I guess I'll go home now and just leave this nice honey out, with no one around.\nYou're busted, box boy!\nI knew I heard something.\nSo you can talk!\nI can talk. And now you'll start talking!\nWhere you getting the sweet stuff? Who's your supplier?\nI don't understand.\nI thought we were friends.\nThe last thing we want to do is upset bees!\nYou're too late! It's ours now!\nYou, sir, have crossed the wrong sword!\nYou, sir, will be lunch for my iguana, Ignacio!\nWhere is the honey coming from? Tell me where!\nHoney Farms! It comes from Honey Farms!\nCrazy person!\nWhat horrible thing has happened here?\nThese faces, they never knew what hit them. And now\nthey're on the road to nowhere!\nJust keep still.\nWhat? You're not dead?\nDo I look dead? They will wipe anything that moves. Where you headed?\nTo Honey Farms. I am onto something huge here.\nI'm going to Alaska. Moose blood, crazy stuff. Blows your head off!\nI'm going to Tacoma.\nAnd you?\nHe really is dead.\nAll right.\nUh-oh!\nWhat is that?!\nOh, no!\nA wiper! Triple blade!\nTriple blade?\nJump on! It's your only chance, bee!\nWhy does everything have\nto be so doggone clean?!\nHow much do you people need to see?!\nOpen your eyes!\nStick your head out the window!\nFrom NPR News in Washington,\nI'm Carl Kasell.\nBut don't kill no more bugs!\nBee!\nMoose blood guy!!\nYou hear something?\nLike what?\nLike tiny screaming.\nTurn off the radio.\nWhassup, bee boy?\nHey, Blood.\nJust a row of honey jars, as far as the eye could see.\nWow!\nI assume wherever this truck goes is where they're getting it. I mean, that honey's ours.\nBees hang tight. We're all jammed in.\nIt's a close community.\nNot us, man. We on our own. Every mosquito on his own.\nWhat if you get in trouble?\nYou a mosquito, you in trouble. Nobody likes us. They just smack. See a mosquito, smack, smack!\nAt least you're out in the world. You must meet girls.\nMosquito girls try to trade up, get with a moth, dragonfly. Mosquito girl don't want no mosquito.\nYou got to be kidding me!\nMooseblood's about to leave the building! So long, bee!\nHey, guys!\nMooseblood!\nI knew I'd catch y'all down here.\nDid you bring your crazy straw?\nWe throw it in jars, slap a label on it, and it's pretty much pure profit.\nWhat is this place?\nA bee's got a brain the size of a pinhead.\nThey are pinheads!\nPinhead.\nCheck out the new smoker.\nOh, sweet. That's the one you want. The Thomas 3000!\nSmoker?\nNinety puffs a minute, semi-automatic. Twice the nicotine, all the tar. A couple breaths of this knocks them right out.\nThey make the honey, and we make the money.\n\"They make the honey, and we make the money\"?\nOh, my!\nWhat's going on? Are you OK?\nYeah. It doesn't last too long.\nDo you know you're in a fake hive with fake walls?\nOur queen was moved here. We had no choice.\nThis is your queen? That's a man in women's clothes! That's a drag queen!\nWhat is this?\nOh, no!\nThere's hundreds of them!\nBee honey.\nOur honey is being brazenly stolen on a massive scale!\nThis is worse than anything bears have done! I intend to do something.\nOh, Barry, stop.\nWho told you humans are taking our honey? That's a rumor.\nDo these look like rumors?\nThat's a conspiracy theory. These are obviously doctored photos. How did you get mixed up in this?\nHe's been talking to humans.\nWhat? Talking to humans?!\nHe has a human girlfriend. And they make out!\nMake out? Barry!\nWe do not.\nYou wish you could.\nWhose side are you on?\nThe bees!\nI dated a cricket once in San Antonio. Those crazy legs kept me up all night.\nBarry, this is what you want to do with your life?\nI want to do it for all our lives. Nobody works harder than bees!\nDad, I remember you coming home so overworked\nyour hands were still stirring. You couldn't stop.\nI remember that.\nWhat right do they have to our honey?\nWe live on two cups a year. They put it in lip balm for no reason whatsoever!\nEven if it's true, what can one bee do?\nSting them where it really hurts.\nIn the face! The eye!\nThat would hurt.\nNo.\nUp the nose? That's a killer.\nThere's only one place you can sting the humans, one place where it matters.\nHive at Five, The Hive's only full-hour action news source.\nNo more bee beards!\nWith Bob Bumble at the anchor desk. Weather with Storm Stinger. Sports with Buzz Larvi. And Jeanette Chung.\nGood evening. I'm Bob Bumble.\nAnd I'm Jeanette Ohung.\nA tri-county bee, Barry Benson, intends to sue the human race for stealing our honey, packaging it and profiting from it illegally!\nTomorrow night on Bee Larry King, we'll have three former queens here in our studio, discussing their new book, classy Ladies, out this week on Hexagon.\nTonight we're talking to Barry Benson.\nDid you ever think, \"I'm a kid from The Hive. I can't do this\"?\nBees have never been afraid to change the world.\nWhat about Bee Oolumbus? Bee Gandhi? Bejesus?\nWhere I'm from, we'd never sue humans.\nWe were thinking of stickball or candy stores.\nHow old are you?\nThe bee community is supporting you in this case, which will be the trial of the bee century.\nYou know, they have a Larry King in the human world too.\nIt's a common name. Next week...\nHe looks like you and has a show and suspenders and colored dots...\nNext week...\nGlasses, quotes on the bottom from the guest even though you just heard 'em.\nBear Week next week! They're scary, hairy and here live.\nAlways leans forward, pointy shoulders, squinty eyes, very Jewish.\nIn tennis, you attack at the point of weakness!\nIt was my grandmother, Ken. She's 81.\nHoney, her backhand's a joke!\nI'm not gonna take advantage of that?\nQuiet, please.\nActual work going on here.\nIs that that same bee?\nYes, it is!\nI'm helping him sue the human race.\nHello.\nHello, bee.\nThis is Ken.\nYeah, I remember you. Timberland, size ten and a half. Vibram sole, I believe.\nWhy does he talk again?\nListen, you better go 'cause we're really busy working.\nBut it's our yogurt night!\nBye-bye.\nWhy is yogurt night so difficult?!\nYou poor thing. You two have been at this for hours!\nYes, and Adam here has been a huge help.\nFrosting...\nHow many sugars?\nJust one. I try not to use the competition.\nSo why are you helping me?\nBees have good qualities. And it takes my mind off the shop. Instead of flowers, people are giving balloon bouquets now.\nThose are great, if you're three.\nAnd artificial flowers.\nOh, those just get me psychotic!\nYeah, me too.\nBent stingers, pointless pollination.\nBees must hate those fake things!\nNothing worse than a daffodil that's had work done.\nMaybe this could make up for it a little bit.\nThis lawsuit's a pretty big deal.\nI guess.\nYou sure you want to go through with it?\nAm I sure? When I'm done with the humans, they won't be able to say, \"Honey, I'm home,\" without paying a royalty!\nIt's an incredible scene here in downtown Manhattan, where the world anxiously waits, because for the first time in history, we will hear for ourselves if a honeybee can actually speak.\nWhat have we gotten into here, Barry?\nIt's pretty big, isn't it?\nI can't believe how many humans don't work during the day.\nYou think billion-dollar multinational food companies have good lawyers?\nEverybody needs to stay behind the barricade.\nWhat's the matter?\nI don't know, I just got a chill.\nWell, if it isn't the bee team.\nYou boys work on this?\nAll rise! The Honorable Judge Bumbleton presiding.\nAll right. Case number 4475,\nSuperior Court of New York,\nBarry Bee Benson v. the Honey Industry is now in session.\nMr. Montgomery, you're representing the five food companies collectively?\nA privilege.\nMr. Benson... you're representing all the bees of the world?\nI'm kidding. Yes, Your Honor, we're ready to proceed.\nMr. Montgomery, your opening statement, please.\nLadies and gentlemen of the jury, my grandmother was a simple woman. Born on a farm, she believed it was man's divine right to benefit from the bounty of nature God put before us.\nIf we lived in the topsy-turvy world Mr. Benson imagines, just think of what would it mean.\nI would have to negotiate with the silkworm for the elastic in my britches!\nTalking bee!\nHow do we know this isn't some sort of holographic motion-picture-capture Hollywood wizardry?\nThey could be using laser beams! Robotics! Ventriloquism! Cloning! For all we know, he could be on steroids!\nMr. Benson?\nLadies and gentlemen, there's no trickery here. I'm just an ordinary bee. Honey's pretty important to me. It's important to all bees. We invented it! We make it. And we protect it with our lives.\nUnfortunately, there are some people in this room who think they can take it from us 'cause we're the little guys!\nI'm hoping that, after this is all over, you'll see how, by taking our honey, you not only take everything we have but everything we are!\nI wish he'd dress like that all the time. So nice!\nCall your first witness.\nSo, Mr. Klauss Vanderhayden of Honey Farms, big company you have.\nI suppose so.\nI see you also own Honeyburton and Honron!\nYes, they provide beekeepers for our farms.\nBeekeeper. I find that to be a very disturbing term.\nI don't imagine you employ any bee-free-ers, do you?\nNo.\nI couldn't hear you.\nNo.\nNo. Because you don't free bees. You keep bees. Not only that, it seems you thought a bear would be an appropriate image for a jar of honey.\nThey're very lovable creatures. Yogi Bear, Fozzie Bear, Build-A-Bear.\nYou mean like this?\nBears kill bees!\nHow'd you like his head crashing through your living room?! Biting into your couch! Spitting out your throw pillows! OK, that's enough. Take him away.\nSo, Mr. Sting, thank you for being here. Your name intrigues me. Where have I heard it before?\nI was with a band called The Police.\nBut you've never been a police officer, have you?\nNo, I haven't.\nNo, you haven't. And so here we have yet another example of bee culture casually stolen by a human for nothing more than a prance-about stage name.\nOh, please.\nHave you ever been stung, Mr. Sting? Because I'm feeling a little stung, Sting. Or should I say... Mr. Gordon M. Sumner!\nThat's not his real name?! You idiots!\nMr. Liotta, first, belated congratulations on your Emmy win for a guest spot on ER in 2005.\nThank you. Thank you.\nI see from your resume that you're devilishly handsome with a churning inner turmoil that's ready to blow.\nI enjoy what I do. Is that a crime?\nNot yet it isn't. But is this what it's come to for you? Exploiting tiny, helpless bees so you don't have to rehearse your part and learn your lines, sir?\nWatch it, Benson! I could blow right now!\nThis isn't a goodfella.\nThis is a badfella!\nWhy doesn't someone just step on this creep, and we can all go home?!\nOrder in this court!\nYou're all thinking it!\nOrder! Order, I say!\nSay it!\nMr. Liotta, please sit down!\nI think it was awfully nice of that bear to pitch in like that. I think the jury's on our side.\nAre we doing everything right, legally?\nI'm a florist.\nRight. Well, here's to a great team.\nTo a great team!\nWell, hello.\nKen!\nHello.\nI didn't think you were coming.\nNo, I was just late I tried to call, but... the battery.\nI didn't want all this to go to waste,\nso I called Barry. Luckily, he was free.\nOh, that was lucky.\nThere's a little left. I could heat it up.\nYeah, heat it up, sure, whatever.\nSo I hear you're quite a tennis player. I'm not much for the game myself. The ball's a little grabby.\nThat's where I usually sit. Right... there.\nKen, Barry was looking at your resume, and he agreed with me that eating with chopsticks isn't really a special skill.\nYou think I don't see what you're doing?\nI know how hard it is to find the right job. We have that in common.\nDo we?\nBees have 100 percent employment, but we do jobs like taking the crud out.\nThat's just what I was thinking about doing.\nKen, I let Barry borrow your razor for his fuzz. I hope that was all right.\nI'm going to drain the old stinger.\nYeah, you do that.\nLook at that.\nYou know, I've just about had it with your little Mind Games.\nWhat's that?\nItalian Vogue.\nMamma mia, that's a lot of pages.\nA lot of ads.\nRemember what Van said, why is your life more valuable than mine?\nFunny, I just can't seem to recall that! I think something stinks in here!\nI love the smell of flowers.\nHow do you like the smell of flames?!\nNot as much.\nWater bug! Not taking sides!\nKen, I'm wearing a Chapstick hat!\nThis is pathetic!\nI've got issues!\nWell, well, well, a royal flush!\nYou're bluffing.\nAm I?\nSurf's up, dude!\nPoo water!\nThat bowl is gnarly. Except for those dirty yellow rings!\nKenneth! What are you doing?!\nYou know, I don't even like honey! I don't eat it!\nWe need to talk! He's just a little bee!\nAnd he happens to be the nicest bee I've met in a long time!\nLong time? What are you talking about?! Are there other bugs in your life?\n No, but there are other things bugging me in life. And you're one of them!\nFine! Talking bees, no yogurt night...\nMy nerves are fried from riding on this emotional roller coaster!\nGoodbye, Ken.\nAnd for your information, I prefer sugar-free, artificial sweeteners made by man!\nI'm sorry about all that.\nI know it's got an aftertaste! I like it!\nI always felt there was some kind of barrier between Ken and me. I couldn't overcome it.\nOh, well.\nAre you OK for the trial?\nI believe Mr. Montgomery is about out of ideas.\nWe would like to call Mr. Barry Benson Bee to the stand.\nGood idea! You can really see why he's considered one of the best lawyers...\nYeah.\nLayton, you've gotta weave some magic with this jury, or it's gonna be all over.\nDon't worry. The only thing I have to do to turn this jury around is to remind them of what they don't like about bees.\nYou got the tweezers?\nAre you allergic?\nOnly to losing, son. Only to losing.\nMr. Benson Bee, I'll ask you what I think we'd all like to know.\nWhat exactly is your relationship to that woman?\nWe're friends.\nGood friends?\nYes.\nHow good? Do you live together?\nWait a minute... Are you her little... bedbug?\nI've seen a bee documentary or two. From what I understand, doesn't your queen give birth to all the bee children?\nYeah, but...\nSo those aren't your real parents!\nOh, Barry...\nYes, they are!\nHold me back!\nYou're an illegitimate bee, aren't you, Benson?\nHe's denouncing bees!\nDon't y'all date your cousins?\nObjection!\nI'm going to pincushion this guy!\nAdam, don't! It's what he wants!\nOh, I'm hit!! Oh, lordy, I am hit!\nOrder! Order!\nThe venom! The venom is coursing through my veins! I have been felled by a winged beast of destruction! You see? You can't treat them like equals! They're striped savages! Stinging's the only thing they know! It's their way!\nAdam, stay with me.\nI can't feel my legs.\nWhat Angel of Mercy will come forward to suck the poison from my heaving buttocks?\nI will have order in this court. Order! Order, please!\nThe case of the honeybees versus the human race took a pointed Turn Against the bees yesterday when one of their legal team stung Layton T. Montgomery.\nHey, buddy.\nHey.\nIs there much pain?\nYeah.\nI... I blew the whole case, didn't I?\nIt doesn't matter. What matters is\nyou're alive. You could have died.\nI'd be better off dead. Look at me.\nThey got it from the cafeteria downstairs, in a tuna sandwich. Look, there's a little celery still on it.\nWhat was it like to sting someone?\nI can't explain it. It was all... All adrenaline and then...and then ecstasy!\nAll right.\nYou think it was all a trap?\nOf course. I'm sorry. I flew us right into this.\nWhat were we thinking? Look at us. We're just a couple of bugs in this world.\nWhat will the humans do to us if they win?\nI don't know.\nI hear they put the roaches in motels. That doesn't sound so bad.\nAdam, they check in, but they don't check out!\nOh, my.\nCould you get a nurse to close that window?\nWhy?\nThe smoke.\nBees don't smoke.\nRight. Bees don't smoke.\nBees don't smoke!\nBut some bees are smoking.\nThat's it! That's our case!\nIt is? It's not over?\nGet dressed. I've gotta go somewhere.\nGet back to the court and stall. Stall any way you can.\nAnd assuming you've done step correctly, you're ready for the tub.\nMr. Flayman.\nYes? Yes, Your Honor!\nWhere is the rest of your team?\nWell, Your Honor, it's interesting. Bees are trained to fly haphazardly, and as a result, we don't make very good time.\nI actually heard a funny story about...\nYour Honor, haven't these ridiculous bugs taken up enough of this court's valuable time? How much longer will we allow these absurd shenanigans to go on?\nThey have presented no compelling evidence to support their charges against my clients, who run legitimate businesses.\nI move for a complete dismissal of this entire case!\nMr. Flayman, I'm afraid I'm going to have to consider Mr. Montgomery's motion.\nBut you can't! We have a terrific case.\nWhere is your proof?\nWhere is the evidence?\nShow me the smoking gun!\nHold it, Your Honor!\nYou want a smoking gun? Here is your smoking gun.\nWhat is that?\nIt's a bee smoker!\nWhat, this? This harmless little contraption? This couldn't hurt a fly, let alone a bee.\nLook at what has happened to bees who have never been asked, \"Smoking or non?\" Is this what nature intended for us? To be forcibly addicted to smoke machines and man-made wooden slat work camps?\nLiving out our lives as honey slaves to the white man?\nWhat are we gonna do?\nHe's playing the species card.\nLadies and gentlemen, please, free these bees!\nFree the bees! Free the bees! Free the bees! Free the bees! Free the bees!\nThe court finds in favor of the bees!\nVanessa, we won!\nI knew you could do it! High-five!\nSorry.\nI'm OK! You know what this means?\nAll the honey will finally belong to the bees.\nNow we won't have to work so hard all the time.\nThis is an unholy perversion of the balance of nature, Benson.\nYou'll regret this.\nBarry, how much honey is out there?\nAll right. One at a time.\nBarry, who are you wearing?\nMy sweater is Ralph Lauren, and I have no pants.\nWhat if Montgomery's right?\nWhat do you mean?\nWe've been living the bee way a long time, 27 million years.\nCongratulations on your victory. What will you demand as a settlement?\nFirst, we'll demand a complete shutdown of all bee work camps.\nThen we want back the honey that was ours to begin with, every last drop.\nWe demand an end to the glorification of the bear as anything more than a filthy, smelly, bad-breath stink machine.\nWe're all aware of what they do in the woods.\nWait for my signal. Take him out.\nHe'll have nauseous for a few hours, then he'll be fine.\nAnd we will no longer tolerate bee-negative nicknames...\nBut it's just a prance-about stage name!\n...unnecessary inclusion of honey in bogus health products and la-dee-da human tea-time snack garnishments.\nCan't breathe.\nBring it in, boys!\nHold it right there! Good.\nTap it.\nMr. Buzzwell, we just passed three cups and there's gallons more coming!\nI think we need to shut down!\nShut down? We've never shut down.\nShut down honey production!\nStop making honey!\nTurn your key, sir!\nWhat do we do now?\nCannonball!\nWe're shutting honey production!\nMission abort.\nAborting pollination and nectar detail.\nReturning to base.\nAdam, you wouldn't believe how much honey was out there.\nOh, yeah?\nWhat's going on? Where is everybody?\nAre they out celebrating?\nThey're home.\nThey don't know what to do. Laying out, sleeping in.\nI heard your Uncle Carl was on his way to San Antonio with a cricket.\nAt least we got our honey back.\nSometimes I think, so what if humans liked our honey? Who wouldn't?\nIt's the greatest thing in the world! I was excited to be part of making it.\nThis was my new desk. This was my new job. I wanted to do it really well. And now...\nNow I can't.\nI don't understand why they're not happy.\nI thought their lives would be better!\nThey're doing nothing. It's amazing.\nHoney really changes people.\nYou don't have any idea what's going on, do you?\nWhat did you want to show me?\nThis.\nWhat happened here?\nThat is not the half of it.\nOh, no. Oh, my.\nThey're all wilting.\nDoesn't look very good, does it?\nNo.\nAnd whose fault do you think that is?\nYou know, I'm gonna guess bees.\nBees?\nSpecifically, me.\nI didn't think bees not needing to make honey would affect all these things.\nIt's not just flowers. Fruits, vegetables, they all need bees.\nThat's our whole SAT test right there.\nTake away produce, that affects the entire animal kingdom.\nAnd then, of course...\nThe human species?\nSo if there's no more pollination, it could all just go south here, couldn't it?\nI know this is also partly my fault.\nHow about a suicide pact?\nHow do we do it?\nI'll sting you, you step on me.\nThat just kills you twice.\nRight, right.\nListen, Barry... sorry, but I gotta get going.\nI had to open my mouth and talk.\nVanessa?\nVanessa? Why are you leaving?\nWhere are you going?\nTo the final Tournament of Roses parade in Pasadena.\nThey've moved it to this weekend because all the flowers are dying.\nIt's the Last Chance I'll ever have to see it.\nVanessa, I just wanna say I'm sorry.\nI never meant it to turn out like this.\nI know. Me neither.\nTournament of Roses.\nRoses can't do sports.\nWait a minute. Roses. Roses?\nRoses!\nVanessa!\nRoses?!\nBarry?\nRoses are flowers!\nYes, they are.\nFlowers, bees, pollen!\nI know.\nThat's why this is the last parade.\nMaybe not.\nCould you ask him to slow down?\nCould you slow down?\nBarry!\nOK, I made a huge mistake.\nThis is a total disaster, all my fault.\nYes, it kind of is.\nI've ruined the planet. I wanted to help you with the flower shop. I've made it worse.\nActually, it's completely closed down.\nI thought maybe you were remodeling.\nBut I have another idea, and it's greater than my previous ideas combined.\nI don't want to hear it!\nAll right, they have the roses, the roses have the pollen.\nI know every bee, plant and flower bud in this park.\nAll we gotta do is get what they've got back here with what we've got.\nBees.\nPark.\nPollen!\nFlowers.\nRepollination!\nAcross the nation!\nTournament of Roses, Pasadena, California.\nThey've got nothing but flowers, floats and cotton candy.\nSecurity will be tight.\nI have an idea.\nVanessa Bloome, FTD.\nOfficial floral business. It's real.\nSorry, ma'am. Nice brooch.\nThank you. It was a gift.\nOnce inside, we just pick the right float.\nHow about The Princess and the Pea?\nI could be the princess, and you could be the pea!\nYes, I got it.\nWhere should I sit?\nWhat are you?\nI believe I'm the pea.\nThe pea?\nIt goes under the mattresses.\nNot in this fairy tale, sweetheart.\nI'm getting the marshal.\nYou do that! This whole parade is a fiasco!\nLet's see what this baby'll do.\nHey, what are you doing?!\nThen all we do is blend in with traffic... without arousing suspicion.\nOnce at the airport, there's no stopping us.\nStop! Security.\nYou and your insect pack your float?\nYes.\nHas it been in your possession the entire time?\nWould you remove your shoes?\nRemove your stinger.\nIt's part of me.\nI know. Just having some fun.\nEnjoy your flight.\nThen if we're lucky, we'll have just enough pollen to do the job.\nCan you believe how lucky we are? We have just enough pollen to do the job!\nI think this is gonna work.\nIt's got to work.\nAttention, passengers, this is Captain Scott. We have a bit of bad weather in New York. It looks like we'll experience a couple hours delay.\nBarry, these are cut flowers with no water. They'll never make it.\nI gotta get up there and talk to them.\nBe careful.\nCan I get help with the Sky Mall magazine? I'd like to order the talking inflatable nose and ear hair trimmer.\nCaptain, I'm in a real situation.\nWhat'd you say, Hal?\nNothing.\nBee!\nDon't freak out! My entire species...\nWhat are you doing?\nWait a minute! I'm an attorney!\nWho's an attorney?\nDon't move.\nOh, Barry.\nGood afternoon, passengers. This is your captain. Would a Miss Vanessa Bloome in 24B please report to the cockpit? And please hurry!\nWhat happened here?\nThere was a DustBuster, a toupee, a life raft exploded.\nOne's bald, one's in a boat, they're both unconscious!\nIs that another bee joke?\nNo!\nNo one's flying the plane!\nThis is JFK control tower, Flight 356. What's your status?\nThis is Vanessa Bloome. I'm a florist from New York.\nWhere's the pilot?\nHe's unconscious, and so is the copilot.\nNot good. Does anyone onboard have flight experience?\nAs a matter of fact, there is.\nWho's that?\nBarry Benson.\nFrom the honey trial?! Oh, great.\nVanessa, this is nothing more than a big metal bee.\nIt's got giant wings, huge engines.\nI can't fly a plane.\nWhy not? Isn't John Travolta a pilot?\nYes.\nHow hard could it be?\nWait, Barry!\nWe're headed into some lightning.\nThis is Bob Bumble. We have some late-breaking news from JFK Airport, where a suspenseful scene is developing.\nBarry Benson, fresh from his legal victory...\nThat's Barry!\n...is attempting to land a plane, loaded with people, flowers and an incapacitated flight crew.\nFlowers?!\nWe have a storm in the area and two individuals at the controls with absolutely no flight experience.\nJust a minute. There's a bee on that plane.\nI'm quite familiar with Mr. Benson and his no-account compadres.\nThey've done enough damage.\nBut isn't he your only hope?\nTechnically, a bee shouldn't be able to fly at all.\nTheir wings are too small... Haven't we heard this a million times?\n\"The surface area of the wings and body mass make no sense.\"\nGet this on the air!\nGot it.\nStand by.\nWe're going live.\nThe way we work may be a mystery to you. Making honey takes a lot of bees doing a lot of small jobs.\nBut let me tell you about a small job. If you do it well, it makes a big difference.\nMore than we realized. To us, to everyone.\nThat's why I want to get bees back to working together. That's the bee way! We're not made of Jell-O.\nWe get behind a fellow.\nBlack and yellow!\nHello!\nLeft, right, down, hover.\nHover?\nForget hover.\nThis isn't so hard.\nBeep-beep! Beep-beep!\nBarry, what happened?!\nWait, I think we were on autopilot the whole time.\nThat may have been helping me.\nAnd now we're not!\nSo it turns out I cannot fly a plane.\nAll of you, let's get behind this fellow! Move it out!\nMove out!\nOur only chance is if I do what I'd do, you copy me with the wings of the plane!\nDon't have to yell.\nI'm not yelling! We're in a lot of trouble.\nIt's very hard to concentrate with that panicky tone in your voice!\nIt's not a tone. I'm panicking!\nI can't do this!\nVanessa, pull yourself together. You have to snap out of it!\nYou snap out of it.\nYou snap out of it.\nYou snap out of it!\nYou snap out of it!\nYou snap out of it!\nYou snap out of it!\nYou snap out of it!\nYou snap out of it!\nHold it!\nWhy? Come on, it's my turn.\nHow is the plane flying?\nI don't know.\nHello?\nBenson, got any flowers for a happy occasion in there?\nThe Pollen Jocks!\nThey do get behind a fellow.\nBlack and yellow.\nHello.\nAll right, let's drop this tin can on the blacktop.\nWhere? I can't see anything. Can you?\nNo, nothing. It's all cloudy.\nCome on. You got to think bee, Barry.\nThinking bee.\nThinking bee.\nThinking bee!\nThinking bee! Thinking bee!\nWait a minute. I think I'm feeling something.\nWhat?\nI don't know. It's strong, pulling me.\nLike a 27-million-year-old instinct.\nBring the nose down.\nThinking bee!\nThinking bee! Thinking bee!\nWhat in the world is on the tarmac?\nGet some lights on that!\nThinking bee!\nThinking bee! Thinking bee!\nVanessa, aim for the flower.\nOK.\nCut the engines. We're going in on bee power. Ready, boys?\nAffirmative!\nGood. Good. Easy, now. That's it.\nLand on that flower!\nReady? Full reverse!\nSpin it around!\nNot that flower! The other one!\nWhich one?\nThat flower.\nI'm aiming at the flower!\nThat's a fat guy in a flowered shirt.\nI mean the giant pulsating flower made of millions of bees!\nPull forward. Nose down. Tail up.\nRotate around it.\nThis is insane, Barry!\nThis's the only way I know how to fly.\nAm I koo-koo-kachoo, or is this plane flying in an insect-like pattern?\nGet your nose in there. Don't be afraid. Smell it. Full reverse!\nJust drop it. Be a part of it.\nAim for the center!\nNow drop it in! Drop it in, woman!\nCome on, already.\nBarry, we did it! You taught me how to fly!\nYes. No high-five!\nRight.\nBarry, it worked!\nDid you see the giant flower?\nWhat giant flower? Where? Of course\nI saw the flower! That was genius!\nThank you.\nBut we're not done yet.\nListen, everyone!\nThis runway is covered with the last pollen from the last flowers available anywhere on Earth.\nThat means this is our Last Chance. We're the only ones who make honey, pollinate flowers and dress like this.\nIf we're gonna survive as a species, this is our moment! What do you say?\nAre we going to be bees, or just Museum of Natural History keychains?\nWe're bees!\nKeychain!\nThen follow me! Except Keychain.\nHold on, Barry. Here. You've earned this.\nYeah!\nI'm a Pollen Jock! And it's a perfect fit. All I gotta do are the sleeves.\nOh, yeah.\nThat's our Barry.\nMom! The bees are back!\nIf anybody needs to make a call, now's the time. I got a feeling we'll be working late tonight!\nHere's your change. Have a great afternoon! Can I help who's next?\nWould you like some honey with that?\nIt is bee-approved. Don't forget these.\nMilk, cream, cheese, it's all me.  And I don't see a nickel!\nSometimes I just feel like a piece of meat!\nI had no idea.\nBarry, I'm sorry.\nHave you got a moment?\nWould you excuse me?\nMy mosquito associate will help you.\nSorry I'm late.\nHe's a lawyer too?\nI was already a blood-sucking parasite. All I needed was a briefcase.\nHave a great afternoon!\nBarry, I just got this huge tulip order, and I can't get them anywhere.\nNo problem, Vannie. Just leave it to me.\nYou're a lifesaver, Barry. Can I help who's next?\nAll right, scramble, jocks! It's time to fly.\nThank you, Barry!\nThat bee is living my life!\nLet it go, Kenny.\nWhen will this nightmare end?!\nLet it all go.\nBeautiful day to fly.\nSure is.\nBetween you and me,\nI was dying to get out of that office.\nYou have got to start thinking bee, my friend.\nThinking bee!\nMe?\nHold it. Let's just stop for a second. Hold it.\nI'm sorry. I'm sorry, everyone. Can we stop here?\nI'm not making a major life decision during a production number!\nAll right. Take ten, everybody. Wrap it up, guys.\nI had virtually no rehearsal for that."
    }
]