Incorporate pizzazz in project description

[dtaht]

You would do better if the description of the project was less vague.

"Sets CAKE bandwidth in dependence upon traffic load and latency"

Alternatives might include:

"Rips the excessive latency and jitter out of your crappy 3,4,5G and Starlink networks."

[lynxthecat]

The present description is admittedly somewhat functional and lacks pizzazz.

[AT-StephenDetomasi]

More pizzazz would be quite a welcome addition. The description would even be funky, with the right sort of implementation.

[lynxthecat]

@rany2 or @moeller0 any suggestions for more pizzazz? @AT-StephenDetomasi suggested pizzazz combined with funky, but I fear this may be tricky to achieve.

This description:

"Sets CAKE bandwidth in dependence upon traffic load and latency"

is for me nice and functionally descriptive, but it for sure lacks pizzazz.

This alternative:

"Rips the excessive latency and jitter out of your crappy 3,4,5G and Starlink networks."

has more pizzazz but it lacks the functional description and naturally rubbishes the connections of our users.

[dtaht]

s/your// ? pizazze++

[lynxthecat]

How about:

Terminator of excess latency and jitter programmed for use with CAKE on variable rate connections.

[rany2]

How about:

Terminator of excess latency and jitter programmed for use with CAKE on variable rate connections.

This sounds more like legalese than a marketing pitch.

[lynxthecat]

How about:

Neutralises the excess latency and jitter terrorizing variable rate connections!

[lynxthecat]

I've switched over to the above for now. Any thoughts before I close this?

[rany2]

A bit over the top but looks fine!

[lynxthecat]

I'm open minded. Incorporating a healthy degree of pizzazz and optionally a measure of funk is actually quite a challenge.

I thought @dtaht might approve of the use of the term 'terrorizing' here to emphasize the significance of the problem.

[lynxthecat]

@rany2 which do you prefer:

Neutralise the excess latency and jitter terrorizing your variable rate connection!

or

Neutralises the excess latency and jitter terrorizing variable rate connections!

The first is perhaps more personal. But the second is more of a generic functional description.

Or something else?

[rany2]

@lynxthecat First one sounds nicer

[moeller0]

So I am a big fan of under-promise, but over-deliver, and hence would phrase this a tad less boisterous. But then the whole goal here is marketing so my approach is not going to help...

[lynxthecat]

Indeed my original description was:

Sets CAKE bandwidth in dependence upon traffic load and latency

But that's patent-language-esque, whereas as pointed out by @dtaht, a little 'razzle dazzle' is in order.

Casts bolts of lightning through the excess latency and jitter on your variable rate connection!

Fire and lightning through that excess latency and jitter that terrorizes your variable rate connection!

[moeller0]

Sets CAKE bandwidth in dependence upon traffic load and latency:
...thereby making your link punch above its weight class
... making your variable rate link sing and dance
... keeping latency low and responsiveness high and the internet snappy.

I know, I know too little pizza ;)

[lynxthecat]

Hehe, yeah we need way more razzle dazzle.

Conquers excess latency and jitter thereby to electrify your variable rate connection!

[rany2]

This is why none of us are marketers 😆

[stephendt]

Okay, here's my serious suggestion:

"Cake Autorate supercharges your router's ability to handle congestion and slowdowns from ISPs, allowing for low latency and stable operation, no matter the time of day".

[dtaht]

Thank you all for cracking me up multiple times. Please pass the doobie. Feel free to try out multiple phrases over time. A typical marketing strategy is to do just that - keep trying things until they hit.

[dtaht]

Mentioning LTE, 5G and starlink in the project description, high up, is a SEO trick.

[lynxthecat]

Mentioning LTE, 5G and starlink in the project description, high up, is a SEO trick.

I didn't thank of that!

[dtaht]

Also changing it every so often tweaks the google search algo so it lands there.

Another place for a kvetch somewhere in the text:

While ideally fq_codel or CAKE would already be running natively on LTE, 5G, and especially Starlink, they presently don´t despite these latency-fighting algorithms being available for a very long time. While cake-autorate can help enormously - our hope is, by demonstration, that those technologies not already running cAKE natively will do so, and the need for this script fade into history.

[lynxthecat]

While cake-autorate can help enormously - our hope is, by demonstration, that those technologies not already running CAKE natively will do so, and the need for this script fade into history.

What odds would you put on this being achieved in the next decade?

[dtaht]

I'd actually give it pretty good odds!