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<title>V: Self-Devotion</title>
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<h2 epub:type="ordinal z3998:roman">V</h2>
<p epub:type="title">Self-Devotion</p>
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<p>“<abbr epub:type="z3998:name-title">Mr.</abbr> Copperhead’s manner is not pleasant sometimes, that is quite true. We must make allowances, my dear. Great wealth, you know, has its temptations. You can’t expect a man with so much money and so many people under him to have the same consideration for other people’s feelings. He says to this man go and he goeth, and to that man come and he cometh.”</p>
<p>“That is all very well,” said Phoebe; “but he has no right, that I can think of, to be rude to mamma and me.”</p>
<p>“He was not exactly rude, my dear,” said <abbr epub:type="z3998:name-title">Mrs.</abbr> Beecham. “We must not say he was rude. Clarence ought to have divided his attentions more equally, we must admit, and his father was annoyed—for the moment. I have no doubt he has forgotten all about it long ago, and will be as pleasant as ever next time we meet.”</p>
<p>“I am quite sure of it,” said the pastor, “and at the worst it was but his manner—only his manner. In short, at the committee meeting yesterday nothing could have been nicer. He went even out of his way to send, as it were, a kind message to Phoebe. ‘I needn’t ask if Miss Phoebe enjoyed herself,’ he said. Depend upon it, my dear, if there was a temporary annoyance it is both forgotten and forgiven, so far as <abbr epub:type="z3998:name-title">Mr.</abbr> Copperhead is concerned.”</p>
<p>“Forgiven!” Phoebe said to herself; but she thought it wiser to say nothing audible on the subject. Her father and mother, it was evident, were both disposed to extend any amount of toleration to the leading member. It was he who was the best judge as to what he had a right to be annoyed about. The family party were in <abbr epub:type="z3998:name-title">Mr.</abbr> Beecham’s study, where the large bust of <abbr epub:type="z3998:name-title">Mr.</abbr> Copperhead stood on the mantelpiece, the chief decoration. How could anyone be so wicked as to rebel against the influence of so great a personage? Phoebe had her own ideas, but she was wise and kept them to herself.</p>
<p>“And now,” said <abbr epub:type="z3998:name-title">Mrs.</abbr> Beecham, solemnly, “what is to be done, my dear, about this letter from my good papa?”</p>
<p>Phoebe was standing in front of a bookcase, apparently looking for a book. She said nothing; but it was easy to perceive by the erectness of her shoulders, and the slight movement that ran through her, that her attention was fully engaged.</p>
<p>“Ah, yes indeed, what about it?” the pastor said. He put down the pen, which he had been holding in his hand by way of symbol that, amiable as he was, his attention to his womankind was an encroachment upon time which might be more usefully employed. But this was a serious question; he had no suggestion to offer, but he sat and twiddled his thumbs, and looked at his wife with interest suddenly aroused.</p>
<p>“There is a great deal to be thought of,” said <abbr epub:type="z3998:name-title">Mrs.</abbr> Beecham, “it is not a simple matter of family devotion. Of course if I had no other ties, nor other duties, everything would be easy. I should go at once to my poor suffering mamma.”</p>
<p><abbr epub:type="z3998:name-title">Mrs.</abbr> Beecham was a clever woman, but she had not been able to get it out of her mind, owing to the imperfections of her education in youth, that it was a vulgar thing to say father and mother. “But in the present circumstances,” she continued, her husband having given his assent to this speech, “it is clear that I cannot do what I wish. I have you to think of, my dear, and the children, and the duties of my position. On the other hand, of course I could not wish, as poor mamma’s only daughter, to have my sister-in-law called in. She is not the kind of person; she is underbred, uneducated. Of course she would be thinking of her own children, and what would be best for them. My parents have done all that ought to be expected from them for Tom. Considering all things, what they have to dispose of ought to go to Phoebe and Tozer. But <abbr epub:type="z3998:name-title">Mrs.</abbr> Tom would not see that.”</p>
<p>“It is very true, my dear; I don’t suppose she would,” said <abbr epub:type="z3998:name-title">Mr.</abbr> Beecham, with an anxious air.</p>
<p>“<abbr epub:type="z3998:name-title">Mrs.</abbr> Tom,” said his wife, with some heat, “would think her own had the first claim. She maintained it to my very face, and after that what have we to expect? It’s us that are Tozers,” she said; “as for you, Phoebe, you belong to another family. I put it in my own language of course, not in her vulgar way.”</p>
<p>“It is a very serious question altogether,” said the pastor, with some solemnity. “I don’t see how you can get away, and I don’t know what is to be done.”</p>
<p>“Whatever is to be done, I won’t leave poor mamma in the hands of <abbr epub:type="z3998:name-title">Mrs.</abbr> Tom,” cries <abbr epub:type="z3998:name-title">Mrs.</abbr> Beecham, “not whatever it costs me. She’s capable of anything, that woman is. To have her in the same town is bad enough, but in the same house nursing poor mamma! You and I would never see a penny of the money, Henery, nor our children—not a penny! besides the vexation of seeing one’s own parents turned against one. I know very well how it would be.”</p>
<p><abbr epub:type="z3998:name-title">Mr.</abbr> Beecham ceased twiddling his thumbs. The crisis was too serious for that indulgence. “The position is most difficult,” he said, “I see it all. It is easy to see it for that matter, but to decide what are we to do is not easy. To go back to Carlingford after so many changes, would it be good for you?”</p>
<p>“It would kill me,” said <abbr epub:type="z3998:name-title">Mrs.</abbr> Beecham, with energy, “you know it would kill me. Envy drove us out, and envy would bring me to the grave. I don’t deceive myself, that is what I see before me, if I tear myself from all my duties and go. But on the other hand—”</p>
<p>“Listen, mamma!” cried Phoebe, turning round suddenly; “if grandmamma is ill, and you are afraid to leave her alone, why not send me?”</p>
<p>Both her parents turned towards Phoebe, as she spoke; they listened to her with wonder and consternation, yet with admiring looks. Then they looked at each other consulting, alarmed. “You!” said <abbr epub:type="z3998:name-title">Mrs.</abbr> Beecham, and “You!” echoed the pastor, repeating in his great astonishment what his wife said.</p>
<p>“Yes, indeed, me—why not me? it would be only my duty,” said Phoebe, with great composure. “And there is nothing to keep me from going. I almost think I should like it—but anyhow, mamma, if you think it necessary, whether I like it or not—”</p>
<p>“Phoebe, my darling, you are the best child in the world,” cried her mother, rising up, and going to her hastily. She gave her a kiss of maternal enthusiasm, and then she looked at her husband. “But should we take advantage of it?” she said.</p>
<p>“You see, my dear,” said <abbr epub:type="z3998:name-title">Mr.</abbr> Beecham, hesitating, “you might find many things different from what you are used to. Your grandpapa Tozer is an excellent man—a most excellent man—”</p>
<p>“Yes, yes,” said his wife, with some impatience. She was as conscious as he was of the great elevation in the social scale that had occurred to both of them since they left Carlingford, and knew as well as he did that the old people had remained stationary, while the younger ones had made such advances; but still she did not like to hear her husband criticize her father. What there was to be said, she preferred to say herself. “Yes, yes,” she said, “Phoebe knows there is a difference; they are old-fashioned folks, and don’t live quite as we live. Some things would strike you very strangely, my dear, some things you would not like; and then Phoebe may be, for anything I can tell, at a turning-point in her own life.”</p>
<p>“If you mean about the Copperheads, mamma, dismiss that from your mind,” said Phoebe. “There is no sort of hurry. We may be thrown together in afterlife, and of course no one can tell what may happen, but in the meantime there is nothing of the sort in my mind—nor in anyone else’s. Do not think of that for a moment. I am at no turning-point. I am quite ready and quite willing to go wherever you please.”</p>
<p>Once more the parent pair looked at each other. They had been very careful not to bring their children into contact, since they were children, with the homelier circumstances of the life in which they themselves had both taken their origin. They had managed this really with great skill and discretion. Instead of visiting the Tozers at Carlingford, they had appointed meetings at the seaside, by means of which the children were trained in affectionate acquaintance with their grandparents, without any knowledge of the shop. And <abbr epub:type="z3998:name-title">Mr.</abbr> Tozer, who was only a butterman at Carlingford, presented all the appearance of an old Dissenting minister out of it—old-fashioned, not very refined perhaps, as <abbr epub:type="z3998:name-title">Mrs.</abbr> Beecham allowed, but very kind, and the most doting of grandfathers. The wisp of white neckcloth round his neck, and his black coat, and a certain unction of manner all favoured the idea. Theoretically, the young people knew it was not so, but the impression on their imagination was to this effect. <abbr epub:type="z3998:name-title">Mrs.</abbr> Tozer was only “grandmamma.” She was kind too, and if rather gorgeous in the way of ribbons, and dressing generally in a manner which Phoebe’s taste condemned, yet she came quite within the range of that affectionate contempt with which youth tolerates the disadvantages of its seniors. But the butterman’s shop! and the entire cutting off from everything superior to the grocers and poulterers of Carlingford—how would Phoebe support it? This was what <abbr epub:type="z3998:name-title">Mr.</abbr> and <abbr epub:type="z3998:name-title">Mrs.</abbr> Beecham asked each other with their eyes—and there was a pause. For the question was a tremendous one, and neither knew in what way to reply.</p>
<p>“Phoebe, you are a very sensible girl—” said her father at last, faltering.</p>
<p>“I beg your pardon, papa. I don’t think you are treating me as if I were sensible,” said Phoebe. “I know well enough that grandpapa is in business—if that is what you are afraid of—”</p>
<p>“Has been in business,” said <abbr epub:type="z3998:name-title">Mrs.</abbr> Beecham. “Your grandpapa has retired for some time. To be sure,” she added, turning to her husband, “it is only Tom that has the business, and as I consider <abbr epub:type="z3998:name-title">Mrs.</abbr> Tom objectionable, Phoebe need not be brought in contact—”</p>
<p>“If Phoebe goes to Carlingford,” said the pastor, “she must not be disagreeable to anyone. We must make up our minds to that. They must not call her stuck up and proud.”</p>
<p>“Henery,” said <abbr epub:type="z3998:name-title">Mrs.</abbr> Beecham, “I can put up with a great deal; but to think of a child of mine being exposed to the tongues of those Browns and Pigeons and <abbr epub:type="z3998:name-title">Mrs.</abbr> Tom, is more than I can bear. What I went through myself, you never knew, nor anyone breathing—the looks they gave me, the things they kept saying, the little nods at one another every time I passed! Was it my fault that I was better educated, and more refined like, than they were? In <abbr epub:type="z3998:name-title">Mr.</abbr> Vincent’s time, before you came, Henery, he was a very gentleman-like young man, and he used to come to the ⸻ High Street constantly to supper. It wasn’t my doing. I never asked him—no more than I did you!”</p>
<p>“Your father used to ask me,” said <abbr epub:type="z3998:name-title">Mr.</abbr> Beecham, doubtfully. “It was very kind. A young pastor expects it in a new place; and a great many things arise, there is no doubt, in that way.”</p>
<p>“Not by my doing,” said the lady; “and when we were married, Henery, the things I did to please them! Thank Heaven, they know the difference now; but if they were to set themselves, as I could quite expect of them, against my child—”</p>
<p>“Mamma,” said Phoebe, tranquilly, “I think you forget that it is me you are talking of. I hope I know what a pastor’s daughter owes to herself. I have had my training. I don’t think you need be frightened for me.”</p>
<p>“No; I think Phoebe could manage them if anyone could,” said her father, complacently.</p>
<p>She smiled with a gracious response to this approval. She had a book in her hand, which of itself was a proof of Phoebe’s pretensions. It was, I think, one of the volumes of <abbr epub:type="z3998:name-title">Mr.</abbr> Stuart Mill’s <i epub:type="se:name.publication.book">Dissertations</i>. Phoebe was not above reading novels or other light literature, but this only in the moments dedicated to amusement, and the present hour was morning, a time not for amusement, but for work.</p>
<p>“Phoebe don’t know Carlingford, nor the folks there,” said <abbr epub:type="z3998:name-title">Mrs.</abbr> Beecham, flushed by the thought, and too much excited to think of the elegancies of diction. She had suffered more than her husband had, and retained a more forcible idea of the perils; and in the pause which ensued, all these perils crowded into her mind. As her own ambition rose, she had felt how dreadful it was to be shut in to one small circle of very small folks. She had felt the injurious line of separation between the shopkeepers and the rest of the world; at least she thought she had felt it. As a matter of fact, I think it very doubtful whether Phoebe Tozer had felt anything of the kind; but she thought so now; and then it was a fact that she was born Phoebe Tozer, and was used to that life, whereas Phoebe Beecham had no such knowledge. She had never been aware of the limitations of a small Dissenting community in a small town, and though she knew how much the Crescent congregation thought of a stray millionaire like <abbr epub:type="z3998:name-title">Mr.</abbr> Copperhead (a thing which seemed too natural to Miss Beecham to leave any room for remark), her mother thought that it might have a bad effect upon Phoebe’s principles in every way, should she find out the lowly place held by the connection in such an old-fashioned, self-conceited, Tory town as Carlingford. What would Phoebe think? how would she manage to associate with the Browns and the Pigeons? Fortunately, <abbr epub:type="z3998:name-title">Mr.</abbr> and <abbr epub:type="z3998:name-title">Mrs.</abbr> Tozer had retired from the shop; but the shop was still there, greasy and buttery as ever, and <abbr epub:type="z3998:name-title">Mrs.</abbr> Beecham’s own respected papa was still “the butterman.” How would Phoebe bear it? This was the uppermost thought in her mind.</p>
<p>“You know, my darling,” she said afterwards, when they had left the study, and were seated, talking it over, in the drawing-room, “there will be a great deal to put up with. I am silly; I don’t like even to hear your papa say anything about dear old grandpapa. He is my own, and I ought to stand up for him; but even with grandpapa, you will have a great deal to put up with. They don’t understand our ways. They are used to have things so different. They think differently, and they talk differently. Even with your sense, Phoebe, you will find it hard to get on.”</p>
<p>“I am not at all afraid, I assure you, mamma.”</p>
<p>“You are not afraid, because you don’t know. I know, and I am afraid. You know, we are not great people, Phoebe. I have always let you know that—and that it is far finer to elevate yourself than to be born to a good position. But when you see really the place which poor dear grandpapa and grandmamma think so much of, I am sure I don’t know what you will say.”</p>
<p>“I shall not say much. I shall not say anything, mamma. I am not prejudiced,” said Phoebe. “So long as an occupation is honest and honourable, and you can do your duty in it, what does it matter? One kind of work is just as good as another. It is the spirit in which it is done.”</p>
<p>“Oh, honest!” said <abbr epub:type="z3998:name-title">Mrs.</abbr> Beecham, half relieved, half affronted. “Of course, it was all that. Nothing else would have answered papa. Your uncle Tom has the—business now. You need not go there, my dear, unless you like. I am not fond of <abbr epub:type="z3998:name-title">Mrs.</abbr> Tom. We were always, so to speak, above our station; but she is not at all above it. She is just adapted for it; and I don’t think she would suit you in the least. So except just for a formal call, I don’t think you need go there, and even that only if grandmamma can spare you. You must be civil to everybody, I suppose; but you need not go further; they are not society for you. You will hear people talk of me by my Christian name, as if we were most intimate; but don’t believe it, Phoebe. I always felt aspirations towards a very different kind of life.”</p>
<p>“Oh, don’t be afraid, mamma,” said Phoebe, calmly; “I shall be able to keep them at a distance. You need not fear.”</p>
<p>“Yes, my dear,” said the anxious mother; “but not too much at a distance either. That is just what is so difficult. If they can find an excuse for saying that my child is stuck up! Oh! nothing would please them more than to be able to find out something against my child. When you have apparently belonged to that low level, and then have risen,” said <abbr epub:type="z3998:name-title">Mrs.</abbr> Beecham, with a hot colour on her cheek, “there is nothing these kind of people will not say.”</p>
<p>These conversations raised a great deal of thought in Phoebe’s mind; but they did not change her resolution. If it was necessary that someone should go to look after her grandmamma, and keep all those vulgar people at bay, and show to the admiring world what a Dissenting minister’s daughter could be, and what a dutiful daughter was, then who so fit as herself to be the example? This gave her even a certain tragical sense of heroism, which was exhilarating, though serious. She thought of what she would have to “put up with,” as of something much more solemn than the reality; more solemn, but alas! not so troublesome. Phoebe felt herself something like a Joan of Arc as she packed her clothes and made her preparations. She was going among barbarians, a set of people who would not understand her, probably, and whom she would have to “put up with.” But what of that? Strong in a sense of duty, and superior to all lesser inducements, she felt herself able to triumph. <abbr epub:type="z3998:name-title">Mrs.</abbr> Beecham assisted with very divided feelings at the preparations. It was on her lips to say, “Never mind the evening dresses; you will not want them.” But then the thought occurred to her that to let the Carlingford folks see what her daughter had been used to, even if she had no use for such things, would be sweet.</p>
<p>“No, Henery; she shall take them all,” she said to her husband. “They shall see the kind of society my child is in; very different from their trumpery little teas! They shall see that you and I, we grudge nothing for Phoebe—and I dare be sworn there is not one of them like her, not even among the quality! I mean,” said <abbr epub:type="z3998:name-title">Mrs.</abbr> Beecham, hastily, with a flush of distress at her own failure in gentility, “among those who think themselves better than we are. But Phoebe will let them see what a pastor’s family is out of their dirty little town. She will bring them to their senses. Though I hesitated at first when it was spoken of, I am very glad now.”</p>
<p>“Yes; Phoebe is a girl to find her level anywhere,” said the pastor, complacently. And they forgot what she would have to put up with in their satisfaction and admiration for herself.</p>
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