src/epub/text/chapter-9.xhtml

<?xml version="1.0" encoding="utf-8"?>
<html xmlns="http://www.w3.org/1999/xhtml" xmlns:epub="http://www.idpf.org/2007/ops" epub:prefix="z3998: http://www.daisy.org/z3998/2012/vocab/structure/, se: https://standardebooks.org/vocab/1.0" xml:lang="en-GB">
	<head>
		<title>IX: Coming Home</title>
		<link href="../css/core.css" rel="stylesheet" type="text/css"/>
		<link href="../css/local.css" rel="stylesheet" type="text/css"/>
	</head>
	<body epub:type="bodymatter z3998:fiction">
		<section id="chapter-9" epub:type="chapter">
			<hgroup>
				<h2 epub:type="ordinal z3998:roman">IX</h2>
				<p epub:type="title">Coming Home</p>
			</hgroup>
			<p>The party which set out from Suffolk Street next morning was a mighty one; there were the children, the ayah, the new nurse whom Anne had engaged in town, to take charge of her little nephews as soon as they got accustomed to their new life; and Seton, the ancient serving-woman, whom the sisters shared between them; and Sir Robert’s man, not to speak of Sir Robert himself and the Miss Dorsets and Ursula. Easton was within a dozen miles of Carlingford, so that they all travelled together as far as that town. The Dorset party went farther on to the next station, from which they had still six miles to travel by carriage. They set down Ursula on the platform with her box and her parcel, and took leave of her, and swept out of the station again, leaving her rather forlorn and solitary among the crowd. “Disgraceful of May not to send someone to meet the child. I suppose he knew she was coming,” said Sir Robert. And Ursula had something of the same feeling, as she stood looking wistfully about her. But as soon as the train was gone, her name was called in a somewhat high-pitched voice, and turning round she found herself hugged by Janey, while Johnnie, fresh from school, seized her bag out of her hand by way of showing his satisfaction.</p>
			<p>“We didn’t come up till we could make sure that the Dorsets were out of the way,” said Janey, “and, oh, is it really you? I am so glad to get you home.”</p>
			<p>“Why didn’t you want to see the Dorsets? They are the kindest friends we have in the world,” said Ursula. “How is papa? Is he in a good humour? And the rest? Why did not some more come to meet me? I made sure there would be four at least.”</p>
			<p>“Amy and Robin have gone out to tea⁠—they didn’t want to go; but papa insisted. Oh, he is very well on the whole. And Reginald is at home, of course, but I thought you would like me best. Johnnie came to carry the bag,” said Janey with a natural contempt for her younger brother. “What a big parcel! You must have been getting quantities of presents, or else you must have packed very badly, for I am sure there was lots of room in the trunk when you went away.”</p>
			<p>“Oh, Janey, if you only knew what I have got there!”</p>
			<p>“What?” said Janey, with quiet but composed interest. It never occurred to her that she could have any individual concern in the contents of the parcels. She was a tall girl who had outgrown all her frocks, or rather did outgrow them periodically, with dark elf locks about her shoulders, which would not curl or <i xml:lang="fr">crêper</i>, or do anything that hair ought to do. She had her thoughts always in the clouds, forming all sorts of impossible plans, as was natural to her age, and was just the kind of angular, jerky schoolgirl, very well intentioned, but very maladroit, who is a greater nuisance to herself and everybody else than even a schoolboy, which is saying a good deal. Things broke in her hands as they never broke in anybody else’s; stuffs tore, furniture fell to the ground as she passed by. Ursula carefully kept her off the parcel and gave it to Johnnie. One of the railway porters, when all the rest of the passengers were disposed of, condescended to carry her trunk, and thus they set out on their way home. The parsonage was close to <abbr>St.</abbr> Roque, at the other end of Grange Lane. They had to walk all the way down that genteel and quiet suburban road, by the garden walls over which, at this season, no scent of flowers came, or blossomed branches hung forth. There were red holly-berries visible, and upon one mossy old tree a gray bunch of mistletoe could be seen on the other side of the street. But how quiet it was! They scarcely met a dozen people between the station and <abbr>St.</abbr> Roque.</p>
			<p>“Oh, Janey, is everybody dead?” said Ursula. “How dull it is! You should see London⁠—”</p>
			<p>“Ursula,” said Janey firmly, “once for all, I am not going to stand this London! A nasty, smoky, muddy place, no more like Carlingford than⁠—I am like you. You forget I have been in London; you are not speaking to ignorant ears,” said Janey, drawing herself up, “and your letters were quite bad enough. You are not going to talk of nothing but your disagreeable London here. Talk to people who have never seen it!” said the girl, elevating her shoulders with the contempt of knowledge.</p>
			<p>“That time you were at the dentist’s⁠—” said Ursula, “and call that seeing London! Cousin Anne and Cousin Sophy took me everywhere. We went to drive in the Park. We went to the Museum and the National Gallery. And, oh! Janey, listen! we went to the theatre: think of that!”</p>
			<p>“Well, I should like to go to the theatre,” said Janey, with a sigh. “But you told me in your letter. That’s what comes of being the eldest. Unless you get married, or something, nobody will ever think of taking <em>me</em>.”</p>
			<p>“You are five years younger than I am,” said Ursula, with dignity. “Naturally, people don’t think of a girl at your age. You must wait till you are older, as I have had to do. Janey! guess what is in <em>that</em>?”</p>
			<p>“Your new dress⁠—your ball-dress. If it isn’t crumpled as you said, you can’t have danced very much. I know my dress will be in tatters if I ever go to a ball.”</p>
			<p>“I danced as much as I wished. I did not know many people,” said Ursula, drawing herself up. “Of course at this time of the year nobody is in town, and we hardly knew anyone⁠—and of course⁠—”</p>
			<p>“Of course, you only knew the fashionable people who are out of town in winter,” cried Janey, with a laugh which echoed along the street. Ursula had not come home from London to be laughed at by her younger sister, she who had been petted by the Dorsets, and whose opinion even Sir Robert had asked on various occasions. She felt this downfall all the more deeply that she had been looking forward to so many long talks with Janey, and expected to live all her brief ten days’ holiday over again, and to instruct her young sister’s mind by the many experiences acquired in that momentous time. Poor Ursula! ten days is quite long enough to form habits at her age, and she had been taken care of, as young ladies are taken care of in society; accompanied or attended wherever she went, and made much of. To find herself thus left to arrive and get home as she pleased, with nobody but Janey to meet her, was a terrible falling-off; and to be laughed at by Janey was the last step of all. Tears filled her eyes, she turned her shoulder to her companion, averting her head; and this was all poor Ursula had to look to. The dreary Carlingford street, papa finding fault, everything going wrong, and Janey laughing at her! To be Cousin Anne’s maid, or governess to the little Indian children would be better than this. For five minutes more she walked on in offended silence, saying nothing, though Janey, like the schoolgirl she was, made frequent use of her elbow to move her sister.</p>
			<p>“Ursula!” the girl said at last, with a more potent nudge, “what’s the matter? won’t you speak to me?” And Janey, who had her own disappointment too, and had expected to be received with enthusiasm, burst out crying, regardless of appearances, in the middle of the street.</p>
			<p>“Janey, for Heaven’s sake⁠—people will see you! I am sure it is I who should cry, not you,” said Ursula, in sudden distress.</p>
			<p>“I don’t care who sees me,” sobbed Janey. “You have been enjoying yourself while we have stayed at home, and instead of being pleased to come back, or glad to see us⁠—Oh, how can you be so cold-hearted?” she said with a fresh burst of tears.</p>
			<p>Here the other side of the question suddenly dawned upon Ursula. She had been enjoying herself while the others stayed at home. It was quite true. Instead of feeling the shock of difference she should have thought of those who had never been so lucky as she was, who had never seen anything out of Carlingford. “Don’t be so foolish, Janey,” she said, “I <em>am</em> glad;⁠—and I have brought you such beautiful presents. But when you do nothing but laugh⁠—”</p>
			<p>“I am sure I didn’t laugh to hurt. I only laughed for fun!” cried Janey, drying her eyes not without a little indignation; and thus peace was made, for indeed one was dying to tell all that happened, and the other dying to hear. They walked the rest of the way with their heads very close together, so absorbed that the eldest brother, coming out of the gate as they approached, stood looking at them with a smile on his face for some time before they saw him. A slight young man, not very tall, with dark hair, like Ursula’s, and a somewhat anxious expression, in correct English clerical dress.</p>
			<p>“Has it all begun already?” he said, when they came close up to him, but without perceiving him, Ursula’s face inspired with the pleasure of talking, as Janey’s was with the eager delight of listening. The house was built in the ecclesiastical style, with gables and mullioned windows, which excluded the light, at least, whether or not they inspired passersby with a sense of correct art, as they were intended to do. It was next door to the church, and had a narrow strip of shrubbery in front, planted with somewhat gloomy evergreens. The gate and door stood always open, except when <abbr epub:type="z3998:name-title">Mr.</abbr> May himself, coming or going, closed them momentarily, and it cannot be denied that there were outward and visible signs of a large, somewhat unruly family inside.</p>
			<p>“Oh, Reginald!” cried Ursula. “You have come home!”</p>
			<p>“Yes⁠—for good,” he said with a half-laugh, half-sigh. “Or for bad⁠—who can tell? At all events, here I am.”</p>
			<p>“Why should it be for bad?” cried Janey, whose voice was always audible halfway up the street. “Oh, Ursula, something very nice has happened. He is to be warden of the old college, fancy! That <em>is</em> being provided for, papa says; and a beautiful old house.”</p>
			<p>“Warden of the old college! I thought it was always some old person who was chosen.”</p>
			<p>“But papa says he can live at home and let the house,” cried Janey. “There is no reason why it should be an old gentleman, papa thinks; it is nice, because there is no work⁠—but look at Reginald, he does not like it a bit; he is never satisfied, I am sure, I wish it was me⁠—”</p>
			<p>“Come in,” said Reginald hastily, “I don’t want all my affairs, and my character besides, to be proclaimed from the housetops.” Janey stopped indignant, to make some reply, and Ursula, grasping her arm, as she feared, with an energetic pinch, went in quickly. Little Amy had been playing in the little square hall, which was strewed with doll’s clothes, and with two or three dolls in various stages of dilapidation. Some old, ragged schoolbooks lay in a corner, the leaves out of one of which were blowing about in the wind. Even ten days of Anne Dorset’s orderly reign had opened Ursula’s eyes to these imperfections.</p>
			<p>“Oh, what a muddle!” she cried; “I don’t wonder that Reginald does not care for living at home.”</p>
			<p>“Oh, I wish papa heard you!” cried Janey loudly, as Ursula led the way into the drawing-room, which was not much tidier than the hall. There was a basket-full of stockings to be mended, standing on the old worktable. Ursula felt, with a sinking of the heart, that they were waiting for her arrival, and that Janey had done nothing to them. More toys and more old schoolbooks were tossed about upon the faded old carpet. The table-cover hung uneven, one end of it dragging upon the floor. The fire was burning very low, stifled in dust and white ashes. How dismal it looked! not like a place to come home to. “Oh, I don’t wonder Reginald is vexed to be made to live at home,” she said once again to herself, with tears in her eyes.</p>
			<p>“I hope you have enjoyed yourself,” her brother said, as she dropped wearily into the old easy-chair. “We have missed you very much; but I don’t suppose you missed us. London was very pleasant, I suppose, even at this time of the year?”</p>
			<p>“Oh, pleasant!” said Ursula. “If you had been with me, how you would have liked it! Suffolk Street is only an inn, but it is a very nice inn, what they call a private hotel. Far better than the great big places on the American principle, Sir Robert says. But we dined at one of those big places one day, and it was very amusing. Scores of people, and great mirrors that made them look hundreds. And such quantities of lights and servants; but Sir Robert thought Suffolk Street very much the best. And I went to two theatres and to a ball. They were so kind. Sophy Dorset laughs at me sometimes, but Anne is an angel,” said Ursula fervently. “I never knew anyone so good in my life.”</p>
			<p>“That is not saying much,” said Janey, “for none of us are very good, and you know nobody else. Anne Dorset is an old maid.”</p>
			<p>“Oh, Janey! how dare you?”</p>
			<p>“And, for that matter, so is Sophy. Papa says so. He says she was jilted, and that she will never get a husband.”</p>
			<p>“Hold your tongue,” said Reginald fiercely, “if we are to hear what my father says at second hand through an imp like you⁠—”</p>
			<p>“Oh, yes,” said Janey, mocking, “that is because you are not friends with papa.”</p>
			<p>“Janey, come and help me to take off my things,” said Ursula, seeing that Reginald would probably proceed to strong measures and box his sister’s ears. “If you were older, you would not talk like that,” she said, with dignity, as they went upstairs. “Oh, dear Janey, you can’t think how different Cousin Anne and Sophy are, who are not girls, like us. They never talk unkindly of other people. You would get to think it childish, as I do, if you had been living with Cousin Anne.”</p>
			<p>“Stuff!” said Janey. “Papa is not childish, I hope. And it was he who said all that. I don’t care what your fine Cousin Anne does.”</p>
			<p>Notwithstanding, the reproof thus administered went to Janey’s heart; for to a girl of fifteen, whose next sister is almost twenty, the reproach of being childish is worse than any other. She blushed fiery-red, and though she scoffed, was moved. Besides, though it suited her to quote him for the moment, she was very far from putting any unbounded faith in papa.</p>
			<p>“Just wait a moment! See what Cousin Anne, whom you think so little of, has sent you,” said Ursula, sitting down on the floor with the great parcel in her lap, carefully undoing the knots; for she had read Miss Edgeworth’s stories in her youth, and would not have cut the strings for the world; and when the new dresses, in all their gloss and softness, were spread out upon the old carpet, which scarcely retained one trace of colour, Janey was struck dumb.</p>
			<p>“Is that,” she said, faltering and conscience-stricken, “for <em>me</em>?”</p>
			<p>“This is for you; though you think them old maids⁠—and that they will never get husbands,” said Ursula, indignantly. “What a thing for a girl to say! And, indeed, I don’t think Cousin Anne will ever get a husband. There is not one in the world half good enough for her⁠—not one! Yes, this is for you. They went themselves, and looked over half the things in the shop before they could get one to please them. They did not say, ‘Janey is an unkind little thing, that will repeat all she hears about us, and does not care for us a bit.’ They said, ‘Ursula, we must choose frocks for Janey and Amy. Come and help us to get what they will like best.’ ”</p>
			<p>Janey’s lips quivered, and two very big tears came into her eyes. She was stricken with the deepest compunction, but her pride did not permit her to give in all at once.</p>
			<p>“I dare say you told her how badly off we were,” she said.</p>
			<p>“I told her nothing about it, and she did not say a word⁠—not a word, as if it were a charity⁠—only to please you⁠—to let you see that you were remembered; but I dare say it is quite true after all,” said Ursula, with lofty irony, “that Cousin Anne will never get a husband, and that they are old maids.”</p>
			<p>“Oh, you know I didn’t mean it!” said Janey, giving way to her tears.</p>
			<p>Then Ursula got up and took off her hat and smoothed her hair, feeling satisfied with her success, and went downstairs again to Reginald, who was seated on the dingy sofa waiting for her, to answer her questions about the great event which had happened since she had been away. Ursula’s mind was full of the shock of the sharp impression made by her return, though the impression itself began to wear away.</p>
			<p>“I can understand why you don’t care about living at home,” she said. “Oh I wonder if I could do anything to mend it! I am so glad you have got something, Reginald. If you have a good servant, you might be quite comfortable by yourself, and we could come and see you. I should not feel it a bit⁠—not a single bit; and it would be so much nicer for you.”</p>
			<p>“You are mistaken,” said her brother. “It is not staying at home I object to. We are not very tidy or very comfortable, perhaps, but we all belong to each other, at least. It is not that, Ursula.”</p>
			<p>“What is it, then? Janey says,” said Ursula, drawing a long breath of awe and admiration, “that you are to have two hundred and fifty pounds a year.”</p>
			<p>“For doing nothing,” he said.</p>
			<p>“For doing nothing?” She looked up at him a little bewildered, for his tone struck Ursula as not at all corresponding with the delightful character of the words he said. “But, Reginald, how nice, how very nice it sounds! How lucky you must have been! How could it happen that such a delightful thing should come to one of us? We are always so unlucky, papa says.”</p>
			<p>“If you think this luck⁠—” said Reginald. “He does, and he is quite pleased; but how do you suppose I can be pleased? Thrust into a place where I am not wanted⁠—where I can be of no use. A dummy, a practical falsehood. How can I accept it, Ursula? I tell you it is a sinecure!”</p>
			<p>Ursula looked at him with eyes round with wonder. He seemed to be speaking in some different language of which she understood nothing. “What is a sinecure?” she said.</p>
		</section>
	</body>
</html>