tips

No-one should work on less than 3 projects at the same time! | Tim Bourguignon | @timothep
Merge to Master without any review, always! | Tim Bourguignon | @timothep
Ban coffee from the office! | Tim Bourguignon | @timothep
Prevent colleagues from taking notes, if they can't remember what you agreed upon, you can change your mind at will. | Tim Bourguignon | @timothep
Start new things. All the time. Avoid finishing at all cost. | Tim Bourguignon | @timothep
Ask "Will it scale?"... always! | Tim Bourguignon | @timothep
Prevent decisions from being made... or encourage lots and LOTS of decisions. Either or. | Tim Bourguignon | @timothep
Knowledge is your best asset: don't share it, trade it! | Tim Bourguignon | @timothep
If you have to communicate, mix channels. Start the communication per E-Mail, continue on Slack involving everyone, finish on the phone with one person only. | Tim Bourguignon | @timothep
Do your job, just your job and only your job! | Tim Bourguignon | @timothep
Ignore the client. They have no idea anyway! | Tim Bourguignon | @timothep
Mix the teams, often and randomly. Or ask people with whom they would like to work... and organise the teams otherwise | Tim Bourguignon | @timothep
When something fails, be sure to imply that somebody's head is going to roll soon! | Tim Bourguignon | @timothep
Make sure to always have a new shiny-bleeding-edge-tool in your project. If it's older than 3 months, it's old already. Change it! | Tim Bourguignon | @timothep
Never tell no to a client, they sure know best. | Tim Bourguignon | @timothep
Clients love surprises. Make sure to keep them on their toes. | Tim Bourguignon | @timothep
Hire only devs that are Certified Scrum-Masters. How else do you want to do Agile successfully? | Tim Bourguignon | @timothep
Roll SAFe as early as you can. You want to be sure that your project scales, don't you? | Tim Bourguignon | @timothep
Create a deep and detailed backlog. If you have less than 1 year worth of work in there, keep writing users stories. | Tim Bourguignon | @timothep
Be the perfect proxy Product Owner: never decide anything without consulting your CEO first, don't take any responsibility... ever! | Kerstin Gronauer | @kanbankerstin
Stay always busy, and never fail to come up with a new excuse why you weren't able to do anything to contribute to the project.  | Kerstin Gronauer | @kanbankerstin
Do not prioritize. Or better, prioritize first-in-last-out. That new shiny thing is always more important than the rest! | Kerstin Gronauer | @kanbankerstin
Information is power. Ensure that everyone can wield it by sharing that information constantly. Daily all hands meetings is the way! | Kerstin Gronauer | @kanbankerstin
Be a superhero, come to work with the flu. Your colleagues will love you for it. Getting to infect others is such a facinating game! | Kerstin Gronauer | @kanbankerstin
Don't want to go to that meeting? Just don't. But make sure to complain afterwards that you weren't kept informed! | Kerstin Gronauer | @kanbankerstin
Write INFEST User-Stories: Inexpressive, Non-negotiable, Fat, Egocentric, Super detailed and Technical. | Kerstin Gronauer | @kanbankerstin
Take every chance to draw Venn diagrams. Your colleagues will spend hours devising on the labels and the size of the circles! | Kerstin Gronauer | @kanbankerstin
Never ever update project dependencies. Not even the security-relevant. | Tino Steinort | @tingeltino
The best Scrum Master? Any project manager the with Product Owner and stakeholder roles will do! | Philipp Pixel | @pxlphile
For maximum developer performance let the Sales department sell a product that is not even half-way finished. | Philipp Pixel | @pxlphile
Never argue with your Product Owner! Instead give him a good trashing in front of your team. | Philipp Pixel | @pxlphile
Don't trust your team members. Keep your constructive criticism to yourself. | Philipp Pixel | @pxlphile
The best conf calls are those where you hold several different calls at the same time. | Philipp Pixel | @pxlphile
Peer Reviews are for losers! Scrap your coworkers results and re-write it from scratch for a better management visibility. | Philipp Pixel | @pxlphile
Make as many breaking changes as possible. Your customers will love you for your hipsterness. | Philipp Pixel | @pxlphile
The less consistent your architecture decisions are the steadier your amount of payable work will thrive. | Philipp Pixel | @pxlphile
Nothing can beat Excel to distribute literally every project information. | Philipp Pixel | @pxlphile