S1E6transcript.rtf

{\rtf1\ansi\ansicpg1252\cocoartf1671\cocoasubrtf500
{\fonttbl\f0\fswiss\fcharset0 Helvetica-Bold;\f1\fnil\fcharset0 Roboto-Regular;\f2\fnil\fcharset0 Roboto-Bold;
}
{\colortbl;\red255\green255\blue255;\red28\green26\blue28;\red255\green255\blue255;\red103\green103\blue103;
}
{\*\expandedcolortbl;;\cssrgb\c14512\c13336\c14496;\cssrgb\c100000\c100000\c100000\c0;\cssrgb\c47896\c47896\c47836;
}
\margl1440\margr1440\vieww10800\viewh8400\viewkind0
\deftab720
\pard\pardeftab720\sl900\sa200\partightenfactor0

\f0\b\fs72 \cf2 \cb3 \expnd0\expndtw0\kerning0
\outl0\strokewidth0 \strokec2 Disclaimer/Intro\
\pard\pardeftab720\sl400\sa450\partightenfactor0

\f1\b0\fs30 \cf4 \cb3 \strokec4 (The Zooier Than Thou podcast contains mature content and language, and may not be appropriate for younger audiences. Thanks for understanding.)\
\pard\pardeftab720\sl400\sa450\partightenfactor0

\f2\b \cf4 \cb3 \strokec4 Fausty:
\f1\b0 \cf4 \cb3 \strokec4 \'a0Greetings and salutations, friends and fellow zoos. Our warmest welcome to our latest full moon episode of Zooier Than Thou: 6.0. I\'92m still Fausty, that zoo who shows unwavering defiance in the face of bigotry, hatred, and stage four metastatic malignant melanoma\'85 and I\'92m still not dead, damnit!\

\f2\b \cf4 \cb3 \strokec4 Toggle:
\f1\b0 \cf4 \cb3 \strokec4 \'a0And I\'92m Toggle, a 400 pound incel!\

\f2\b \cf4 \cb3 \strokec4 Fausty:
\f1\b0 \cf4 \cb3 \strokec4 \'a0As has become traditional, we\'92ll be your co-hosts for this episode\'92s adventures and escapades.\

\f2\b \cf4 \cb3 \strokec4 Toggle:
\f1\b0 \cf4 \cb3 \strokec4 \'a0Wow, what a week.\

\f2\b \cf4 \cb3 \strokec4 Fausty:
\f1\b0 \cf4 \cb3 \strokec4 \'a0Indeed, my friend. Indeed. It\'92s been one heck of a week.\

\f2\b \cf4 \cb3 \strokec4 Toggle:
\f1\b0 \cf4 \cb3 \strokec4 \'a0With Zooier Than Thou growing from a novel idea into\'85 well into something that means a lot to lots of zoos around the world, there\'92s been real pressure behind the scenes to keep setting high standards \'96 and keep meeting them. That\'92s not just about what gets produced \'96 the podcast \'96 but it\'92s also about how we get there, and how we work with each other along the way. Everyone working to make this podcast what it is wants to see it keep doing good things \'96 and everyone has different ideas about what it takes to do it.\

\f2\b \cf4 \cb3 \strokec4 Fausty:
\f1\b0 \cf4 \cb3 \strokec4 \'a0Apart from providing cheesy puns and gratuitously zooey in-jokes, it\'92s largely my job around here to keep the process side of things running smoothly \'96 from task admin tools through scheduling procedures. Along the way, I do my best to set a good example in how I work with others and in how we, collectively, work with each other. When things fall apart there, I know it\'92s time to hit the brakes and make sure we get it right. This week I did just that, and we\'92ve taken some time to step back, evaluate where we\'92re at, and decide on what needs to be improved.\

\f2\b \cf4 \cb3 \strokec4 Toggle:
\f1\b0 \cf4 \cb3 \strokec4 \'a0And more than that, Fausty, you yourself have felt like things were not right. And some of that actually came down to a discussion you and I had about, shall we say, a somewhat esoteric question of grammatical analysis. Of all things.\

\f2\b \cf4 \cb3 \strokec4 Fausty:
\f1\b0 \cf4 \cb3 \strokec4 \'a0Yep, that\'92s not wrong. I got to where I had lost confidence in how I\'92ve been managing things, and I got to feeling like we as a team were losing sight of what\'92s central to everything we strive for in this podcast: mutual respect, celebration of diversity, community engagement, rigorous analysis, and perhaps above all else a shared sense of belonging and wellbeing. Once we run astray there, I know from my experience as a leader and as a zoo that we\'92re not going to make the durable, meaningful progress that\'92s so important to us all.\

\f2\b \cf4 \cb3 \strokec4 Toggle:
\f1\b0 \cf4 \cb3 \strokec4 \'a0No question that you take that stuff seriously. This week, you stopped dead in your tracks and meticulously picked through every element of what we\'92re doing. I hope by now that you feel like those worries are put to rest \'96 or at least put into a place where you don\'92t feel they are barriers to the future?\

\f2\b \cf4 \cb3 \strokec4 Fausty:
\f1\b0 \cf4 \cb3 \strokec4 \'a0Well, yes. Yes, I do. I feel like we\'92ve made some important progress and, personally, I am honoured by and grateful for the support, kindness, loyalty, dedication, and caring I\'92ve seen from so many friends and colleagues on this project and in our community. I\'92ve learned alot about what it takes to nurture a spectacularly effective project management culture within our zoo world \'96 and I\'92ve learned from my own mistakes in approaching things like I would as a leader of tech projects, as opposed to what we\'92re doing here. Overall, It\'92s been a humbling, challenging, frightening, inspiring, empowering week. Wow\'85 that\'92s alot of \'93ing\'92.\'94\

\f2\b \cf4 \cb3 \strokec4 Toggle:
\f1\b0 \cf4 \cb3 \strokec4 \'a0You can get a bit lost in the ing\'92s, big fella \'96 it\'92s ok.\

\f2\b \cf4 \cb3 \strokec4 Fausty:
\f1\b0 \cf4 \cb3 \strokec4 \'a0It\'92s not all broad generalizations and vague platitudes \'96 I promise. We\'92re also moving forward with some \'93in the future\'94 components of Zooier Than Thou that are ripe for rollout. Sometimes it\'92s not easy to keep up with how fast this podcast has gone from an idea to\'85 something bigger than any of us, individually. So without further ado, what\'92s on the agenda, my gonad-challenged colleague? I see you sitting over there, rolling your eyes at my \'93too many words\'94 blather and uniquely historical perspective\'85\

\f2\b \cf4 \cb3 \strokec4 Toggle:
\f1\b0 \cf4 \cb3 \strokec4 \'a0Right, ok well\'85 and just between you and I, double-dog-secret for now, but we\'92re experimenting with some more formal ways that listeners can participate more directly in bringing each episode together. Like: we\'92re asking for help in producing transcripts of each episode \'96 I do that now, in my \'91spare time\'92 (ha!)\'85\

\f2\b \cf4 \cb3 \strokec4 Fausty:
\f1\b0 \cf4 \cb3 \strokec4 \'a0\'85in other words, it doesn\'92t really get done because you no longer have any more spare time.\

\f2\b \cf4 \cb3 \strokec4 Toggle:
\f1\b0 \cf4 \cb3 \strokec4 \'a0Exactly! I don\'92t \'96 and that\'92s ok, since more of my time goes into other parts of the podcast nowadays. So that\'92s one place we\'92re grateful for listener help \'96 if you want to lend a paw, let us know. Same goes for, let\'92s see\'85 translations \'96 already a few folks offering to pitch in, there. And we\'92ve been testing out a \'93contributor\'92s chat\'94 to create space to work with everyone helping out with the podcast: operationally, voice talent, outreach, financially. Everyone who cares enough to help make it sing, basically, is the idea.\

\f2\b \cf4 \cb3 \strokec4 Fausty:
\f1\b0 \cf4 \cb3 \strokec4 \'a0I\'92m testing out some collaboration tools alongside the Telegram contributors\'92 chat, such as github to fine-tune transcripts and translations. And we\'92re always keen to hear from folks who can help with tech admin tasks. Although I\'92m doing ok, I do have terminal cancer and it\'92s essential that we avoid bottlenecks dependent on me for long-range project success. We need to expand our tech admin bench, so let me know if you swim in those waters and are able to pitch in. Yes, Toggle, I see you raising your hand over there like a kid in junior high\'85\

\f2\b \cf4 \cb3 \strokec4 Toggle:
\f1\b0 \cf4 \cb3 \strokec4 \'a0Oh piss off, you silly old dog. Can you update everyone on your cancer situation? I know some of what makes things\'85 emotionally charged, sometimes, with you is that you\'92ve got this whole other thing going on behind the scenes and maybe it\'92s good for you to open some of that up instead of doing the stiff-upper-lip demonstration?\

\f2\b \cf4 \cb3 \strokec4 Fausty:
\f1\b0 \cf4 \cb3 \strokec4 \'a0Which I suck at anyway, so who\'92s kidding who, right? So yes: cancer. Two weeks ago, I went in for radiation treatment of a lesion that has appeared in my cerebellum \'96 the brain area that controls balance, movement, and such. So far the treatment appears successful, though it wasn\'92t as much fun to have gamma rays focussed into my brain for an hour as it sounds like upfront. I\'92m still receiving adjuvant targeted chemotherapy to control further spread of the melanoma tumors, and so far that\'92s been successful. Overall I\'92m not dead \'96 which is a good thing \'96 and overall I could be and have been much sicker than I am now. What happens next? Nobody knows, that\'92s the simple truth. I could be dead in two weeks\'85 or alive two decades from now.\

\f2\b \cf4 \cb3 \strokec4 Toggle:
\f1\b0 \cf4 \cb3 \strokec4 \'a0And meanwhile you\'92re staying active, aren\'92t you?\

\f2\b \cf4 \cb3 \strokec4 Fausty:
\f1\b0 \cf4 \cb3 \strokec4 \'a0Right, yes: active. I\'92m in training for a 50k trail ultramarathon in November, in Virginia. It\'92s an optimistic goal, and I\'92m doing everything I can to turn that goal into an accomplishment. And I\'92m deeply grateful for everyone who has taken the time to share kind thoughts, good advice, genuine encouragement, and motivational stories \'96 I\'92d never had survived this long, gotten this far, without that. It reminds me just what it means to be part of a community \'96 a real community, with shared goals and group loyalty and a collective dedication to making the world a happier, healthier, wilder, funnier\'85 zooier place, for everyone. You folks fucking rock \'96 all of you. A special thanks to a certain D and a certain R \'96 two extraordinary folks amidst an extraordinary community. Thank you so much for everything you\'92ve shared. I am honoured. Namaste.\

\f2\b \cf4 \cb3 \strokec4 Toggle:
\f1\b0 \cf4 \cb3 \strokec4 \'a0This whole project is about you, zoo nation, and we\'92re thinking of you every step of the way. And in that spirit, let\'92s tackle a couple of e-mails!\

\f2\b \cf4 \cb3 \strokec4 Fausty:
\f1\b0 \cf4 \cb3 \strokec4 \'a0First up, we\'92ve got one from The Wondering Wolf.\

\f2\b \cf4 \cb3 \strokec4 Toggle:
\f1\b0 \cf4 \cb3 \strokec4 \'a0The Wolf writes: \'93I\'92m quite new to the zoo community and see myself as at least an ally if not a zoophile myself. I listened to this episode at last after talking to Toggle on twitter and being recommended to listen to it since I was asking about pride and experiences about being a zoo.\'94 He\'92s talking about the zoo pride episode. \'93I may not have gotten to know you Fausty, but I know how important it is to embrace being yourself and to listen to others. I thank you for being open and genuine and I thank the podcast in general for giving zoophiles a voice that otherwise may not be heard. Take care, stay safe and of course stay zooey!\'94\

\f2\b \cf4 \cb3 \strokec4 Fausty:
\f1\b0 \cf4 \cb3 \strokec4 \'a0Whether Wandering or Wondering, Wolf, your welcome is\'85 I ran out of alliterative w\'92s, sorry sbout that! Anyhow, welcome \'96 new zoo.\

\f2\b \cf4 \cb3 \strokec4 Toggle:
\f1\b0 \cf4 \cb3 \strokec4 \'a0Or zoo ally, at least. For those who missed it, I actually did bite the bullet and start a personal zoo twitter account last month, and it\'92s been kind of a blast, which I didn\'92t really expect. This fella did actually contact me and asked me,\'a0apropos\'a0of nothing, what being a zoo meant to me and when I first realized I was a zoo, etc. etc.. And so I simply pointed him to the podcast episode from Zoo Pride Day.\

\f2\b \cf4 \cb3 \strokec4 Fausty:
\f1\b0 \cf4 \cb3 \strokec4 \'a0I\'92m too scared to get on twitter \'96 seems so technical and complex, and I\'92m just not good with computers. Sad!\

\f2\b \cf4 \cb3 \strokec4 Toggle:
\f1\b0 \cf4 \cb3 \strokec4 \'a0Fausty, you dork. He\'92s been on twitter since, like, before twitter started or something, handle @lecontespink. He also helps run the @crossspecies twitter account, and the bigot\'92s blocklist. Since he won\'92t say it, I will: what with terminal cancer and all that, he\'92s barely been on twitter since this spring. So if you tried to contact him and he didn\'92t reply, please don\'92t be pissed at him. There\'92s all sorts of ways to contact him listed on his website \'96 you can get there via fausty.org. Or DM me and I\'92ll get you in touch with him, if it comes to that. He\'92s doing his best, really he is. Also, if you\'92re interested, you can check out my personal twitter @OneBigGrumpyRat. Remember, though, that if you follow, it IS a public account and people CAN see that you\'92re following, even if your account is locked.\

\f2\b \cf4 \cb3 \strokec4 Fausty:
\f1\b0 \cf4 \cb3 \strokec4 \'a0Wow, that\'92s\'85 embarrassingly honest. Thank you. Reminds me that we got a private email that, generally, brought up the question of whether it\'92s ok to promote zoophilia \'96 obviously I can\'92t share details, because private email. I did want to reply by saying that I don\'92t see anything we do as promoting zoophilia \'96 any more than a podcast covering the LGBT community is promoting homosexuality, or whatever. Because there\'92s zoos as part of the constellation of human sexual diversity \'96 always have been, always will be. It\'92s part of our genetic heritage, inherent in what it means to be human. So we\'92re not really promoting something that exists whether we do something or nothing at all. What we do promote is healthy expressions of zooish orientations, respectful zooish relationships, and a positive zoo community within which we may continue to bring out the best in each other and celebrate the best of who we \'96 and our partners \'96 are. And, I mean, obviously it\'92s good to promote constructive and healthy expressions of who we are \'96 that\'92s good for everyone, and it\'92s well worth the effort. We are as good \'96 or as bad \'96 as we choose to be, and as we help each other to become. Nobody outside of us makes us either good or bad; that\'92s up to us. Everything we do here at Zooier Than Thou promotes precisely that; doing our best, being our best, bringing out the best in each other.\

\f2\b \cf4 \cb3 \strokec4 Toggle:
\f1\b0 \cf4 \cb3 \strokec4 \'a0There\'92s no one right way to \'93do zoo\'94 \'96 the diversity in our community is breathtaking and beautiful and just plain bodacious. Dog zoos. Horse zoos. Cervine and porcine and ursine and a whole bunch of other ine\'92s \'96 we\'92re as different as can be imagined \'96 and also we\'92re all zoos because for us the world is bigger than just hairless monkeys with two legs and weird swollen skulls. We\'92re all zoos because we all know that seeing the world through the eyes of someone different from us is pretty much the single most amazing thing a human being can every do \'96 and as zoos we do it effortlessly, as part of who we are and who we love and how we connect to the world around us. Sometimes it\'92s fucking hard \'96 \'93brick hard,\'94 the greymuzzle currently staring out the window and dreaming of Mr. Peanut Butter might say \'96 because diversity means we\'92re not all the same. That\'92s ok \'96 we work it out and we remain friends even through the rough spots. That\'92s also what it means to be a zoo: we watch each others\'92 backs even when we don\'92t always see eye to eye. Community is loyalty and loyalty is huge.\

\f2\b \cf4 \cb3 \strokec4 Fausty:
\f1\b0 \cf4 \cb3 \strokec4 \'a0Did someone say \'93Mr. Peanut Butter?\'94 Anyhow, apparently not\'85 I don\'92t see him anywhere. Damnit. Who\'92s up next?\

\f2\b \cf4 \cb3 \strokec4 Toggle:
\f1\b0 \cf4 \cb3 \strokec4 \'a0None of your Business, Dog fucker!\

\f2\b \cf4 \cb3 \strokec4 Fausty:
\f1\b0 \cf4 \cb3 \strokec4 \'a0What the elk, Toggle? It\'92s fuck-ee, not fuck-er \'96 get it right, rodent. And don\'92t get my hopes up \'96 this studio is as canine-free as the Trump White House. The horror, the horror\'85.\

\f2\b \cf4 \cb3 \strokec4 Toggle:
\f1\b0 \cf4 \cb3 \strokec4 \'a0No, silly, that\'92s actually the alias they chose: \'93dogfucker.\'94\

\f2\b \cf4 \cb3 \strokec4 Fausty:
\f1\b0 \cf4 \cb3 \strokec4 \'a0Oh right ok \'96 fair enough.\

\f2\b \cf4 \cb3 \strokec4 Toggle:
\f1\b0 \cf4 \cb3 \strokec4 \'a0None-ya writes, \'93You bunch of absolute assholes need to stop spreading your lies about zoophilia. It\'92s illegal, immoral, illogical, and is just an excuse for you bunch of fags to not get laid. You both sound like a bunch of 400 pound incels, especially the faggot who puts on a voice in your videos.\'94\

\f2\b \cf4 \cb3 \strokec4 Fausty:
\f1\b0 \cf4 \cb3 \strokec4 \'a0Geez, had to come at me about my weight problem \'96 that hurts! Oh hold on, no it doesn\'92t \'96 I can barely hold 200 pounds nowadays, between the chemotherapy and the weekly training coming up towards 40 miles of trail work per. So actually that\'92s funny \'96 I bet I know who IS fat and lazy and out of shape\'85 and that\'92s the sad-piece who sent this awesome bundle of fail.\

\f2\b \cf4 \cb3 \strokec4 Toggle:
\f1\b0 \cf4 \cb3 \strokec4 \'a0\'93Also, PS, the LGBT community doesn\'92t want your sick asses. Respectfully yours, None ya.\'94\

\f2\b \cf4 \cb3 \strokec4 Fausty:
\f1\b0 \cf4 \cb3 \strokec4 \'a0Wow. I\'92m not sure where to begin unpacking this one.\

\f2\b \cf4 \cb3 \strokec4 Toggle:
\f1\b0 \cf4 \cb3 \strokec4 \'a0Honestly, insults are a lot less hurtful when they\'92re not based in any sort of reality. And I gotta love the added touch where they inform us about the wishes of LGBT community while calling us fags.\

\f2\b \cf4 \cb3 \strokec4 Fausty:
\f1\b0 \cf4 \cb3 \strokec4 \'a0Honestly, this whole message is a choclatey, hot mess from top to bottom.\

\f2\b \cf4 \cb3 \strokec4 Toggle:
\f1\b0 \cf4 \cb3 \strokec4 \'a0Pretty pathetic. Not the most pathetic hatemail we got this week, but a close second. And, incidentally, also the second hate mail we\'92ve ever gotten! Congrats! You\'92re second best, and second worst, all at once!\

\f2\b \cf4 \cb3 \strokec4 Fausty:
\f1\b0 \cf4 \cb3 \strokec4 \'a0Being called an incel by an actual incel is recursively lol-worthy. Though I suppose chemo does sorta make me celibate occasionally \'96 comes with the territory. Can\'92t say I\'92m feeling particularly ashamed of that\'85 hold on\'85 yeah no, not at all. I tried, but sorry: nope.\

\f2\b \cf4 \cb3 \strokec4 Toggle:
\f1\b0 \cf4 \cb3 \strokec4 \'a0Thanks for your heartfelt e-mail, None-Ya. It was kind of fun getting hate mail for a change! Also, you left your IP address behind, and Comcast is happy to help pin down your account information so we can press charges. Which, geez, you should have read up on Fausty before sending us hate mail from your home IP address. That\'92s about as dumb as calling him a 400-pound incel. Ok actually it\'92s even dumber. Why? Take 10 minutes and figure it out yourself. You\'92ll be glad you did \'96 well actually you\'92ll shit yourself. Oh well. Next one, Fausty?\

\f2\b \cf4 \cb3 \strokec4 Fausty:
\f1\b0 \cf4 \cb3 \strokec4 \'a0Let\'92s get a good one in real quick.\

\f2\b \cf4 \cb3 \strokec4 Toggle:
\f1\b0 \cf4 \cb3 \strokec4 \'a0Sure! Here\'92s one from Oz!\

\f2\b \cf4 \cb3 \strokec4 Fausty:
\f1\b0 \cf4 \cb3 \strokec4 \'a0Is it a wizard?\

\f2\b \cf4 \cb3 \strokec4 Toggle:
\f1\b0 \cf4 \cb3 \strokec4 \'a0I dunno \'96 let\'92s find out! Oz writes, \'93I am an old equine-zoo! I was a long time reader and poster on BF and you may be familiar with some of my writings (and videos). I have always tried to help younger zoos who are dealing with guilt issues to gain a perspective about the human condition and what we really are. I also tried to capture my true love of my mare friends in my (admittedly) pornographic videos.\'94\

\f2\b \cf4 \cb3 \strokec4 Fausty:
\f1\b0 \cf4 \cb3 \strokec4 \'a0I could go on about exactly why there\'92s nothing wrong with good, healthy, positive, respectful, genuine porn\'85 and a hell of a lot that the opposite of wrong with it, but I\'92ll make the uncharacteristic decision to batten my pie-hole on the subject. For now. Barely. Under extreme duress.\

\f2\b \cf4 \cb3 \strokec4 Toggle:
\f1\b0 \cf4 \cb3 \strokec4 \'a0Porn is love! Oz continues, \'93I want to tell you that I was very impressed by the first program I listened to, especially as regards difficulties with mixed human-zoo relationships. I know how hard it is to produce a program like that, and you did it with amazing grace and flair.\'94\

\f2\b \cf4 \cb3 \strokec4 Fausty:
\f1\b0 \cf4 \cb3 \strokec4 \'a0All credit for the excellence in production quality that\'92s become a standard for Zooier Than Thou goes to my co-host and colleague, Toggle. He\'92s a badass in the studio \'96 and in bed, to boot. Wait no, not the bedroom \'96 that\'92s all kinds of wrong. Sorry, I was thinking about Mr. Peanut Butter. My bad. Please do continue\'85\

\f2\b \cf4 \cb3 \strokec4 Toggle:
\f1\b0 \cf4 \cb3 \strokec4 \'a0You\'92re hopeless, you know that Fausty? Oz continues, \'93I have a possible topic for you, and that is the treatment of zoos in the Puritan colonies, particularly the story of Thomas Grainger. For some reason, the barbarity of what that self-righteous bunch did to that poor kid ranks in the darkest annals of human depravity. I even wrote a poem about it! Anyhow, keep up the great work! If we are ever to gain any acceptance at all, it will be through work like yours!\'94\

\f2\b \cf4 \cb3 \strokec4 Fausty:
\f1\b0 \cf4 \cb3 \strokec4 \'a0Right, first off many thanks for that message \'96 it\'92s always a pleasure to hear from folks who\'92ve been \'91round a minute, and always nice to receive an historical lesson \'96 in fact, I\'92m ignorant of this story, or was prior to receiving this note.\

\f2\b \cf4 \cb3 \strokec4 Toggle:
\f1\b0 \cf4 \cb3 \strokec4 \'a0Yes, Fausty, ok. You\'92ve made your point \'96 and then some \'96 with the \'93an.\'94 I see you smiling over there, don\'92t fucking act like it\'92s coincidental, you dog-fuckee-not-really-because-chemo-and-thus-dog-incel-for-now. Dog almighty, you really are incorrigible, you know that? Back to the subject at hand: I remember reading about Thomas Grainger in college, though I can\'92t remember in what context I was studying puritans. I read an entry from one of the puritans who was doing record keeping at the time, and it basically lamented the fact that in order to actually make the journey and survive the new world, puritans had to rely on \'93heathens\'94 in order to get by. Puritans didn\'92t know how to sail, or farm, or frankly do anything. In essence, these were people that were disconnected from the land, and they needed people who knew basic survival skills to keep the colony afloat. That meant bringing along people who didn\'92t share their faith, and Thomas was among them. When Thom was caught in mid-coitus with a mare, they questioned him, and he confessed to having relations with a number of animals. These people were trying to establish a land based on God\'92s law, and they were not lenient. Tom had to name the animals he\'92d slept with and watch them all be slaughtered before finally being put to death himself. If that sounds fucked up and barbaric, well, that\'92s because it is, and yet somehow, it\'92s not very far off from how this sort of thing can go today, minus the zoo actually being executed as well.\

\f2\b \cf4 \cb3 \strokec4 Fausty:
\f1\b0 \cf4 \cb3 \strokec4 \'a0Can\'92t say I wasn\'92t targeted for attempted execution, myself, a couple of times in the past decade \'96 each time via extra-legal violence, sure, but it\'92s a bit of a thin distinction when you\'92re on the receiving end. And coming out of what I\'92ve been through myself, my first reaction to the story is to completely doubt that the version that made it into print \'96 and down to us, today \'96 reflects the facts of what happened with Thom. Oh, I have no doubt those fundamentalist fanatics murdered him \'96 that\'92s one thing religious zealots have been consistently good at: killing dissenters. But caught\'a0in flagrante delicto\'a0with a mare? Colour me doubtful. Thom lists off all the other \'93animals\'94 with whom he shared intimacy? Yeah, sure \'96 under torture, or coerced to list every critter he\'92d ever seen? Yah, more likely. Fact is, nobody recorded Thom\'92s version of the story \'96 history isn\'92t written by the victims of persecution and genocide, not the way it works. So we have this just-so story of equine assignation and I call horseshit. More likely \'96 and more along with what we know about actual facts versus what the puritan\'a0genocidairesspun out ex post facto \'96 Thom ran afoul of the exiled bigots for some other reason\'85. maybe he was too nice to the mare in question, which those God-fearing fascists wouldn\'92t condone since she\'92s an animal, created so scum like them can abuse and torment her until she\'92s too old to work, then kill her without one iota of compassion or kindness. That\'92d be more than enough, and what better story than sex \'96 anything but that, anything! \'96 to come up with a pretense for a good, fun murder-session of human and nonhuman alike. That, yes, I can see. There\'92s nothing nice about the story \'96 it\'92s tragedy for every victim of that bigotry, prejudice and hate: as yesterday, so today. Let us honour not only his memory but the memory of those four-legged victims who died alongside him \'96 martyrs to intolerance and human solipsism. Fuck that shit, and fuck the people who continue to spew it forth even today.\

\f2\b \cf4 \cb3 \strokec4 Toggle:
\f1\b0 \cf4 \cb3 \strokec4 \'a0A tragic story, a tragic history, a tragic lesson we\'92re all well-reminded to remember and honour\'85 thanks, Oz! And thanks for the poem! I\'92m holding onto it to share later on!\

\f2\b \cf4 \cb3 \strokec4 Fausty:
\f1\b0 \cf4 \cb3 \strokec4 \'a0We got one more, here, I think, and it\'92s from our old friend, the friendly neighborhood zoosexual! Nice to hear from you again! Our pal here is weighing in on the last episode\'92s topic about safety.\

\f2\b \cf4 \cb3 \strokec4 Toggle:
\f1\b0 \cf4 \cb3 \strokec4 \'a0Friendly writes, \'93So it sounds like mentioning my sexuality on my Linked In was probably not wise! In all seriousness, though, this episode brought to mind several aspects that had never occurred to me, notably on how no reaction might be the best the best reaction, kind of like in regards to dealing with a bully. It\'92s been a while sense the last time Ive done anything social in the zoo world as the kind of job that I have, if it where to become known that I was a zoosexual, it would not only be devastating to me but also to many others as as well. Not that I\'92m made miserable by my job by any means. Quite the opposite in fact! Anywho, it was quite interesting hearing everyone\'92s views on the matter. Actually, this episode left me felling a bit safer! Wishing all 3 of you the best!\'94\

\f2\b \cf4 \cb3 \strokec4 Fausty:
\f1\b0 \cf4 \cb3 \strokec4 \'a0We\'92re always glad to hear from you, and it\'92s great to hear that the Safety Dance episode helped catalyse some self-analysis on your part. Good security is all about conscious, intentional, flexible balancing of multiple factors\'85 and it sounds like you\'92re doing exactly that. Keep it up, and keep sharing what you\'92ve learned with others you know so they can benefit, as well. That\'92s how it\'92s done.\

\f2\b \cf4 \cb3 \strokec4 Toggle:
\f1\b0 \cf4 \cb3 \strokec4 \'a0I\'92m glad to hear that this episode made an impact! And I really hope it manifests in good decisions and continued, safe community engagement.\

\f2\b \cf4 \cb3 \strokec4 Fausty:
\f1\b0 \cf4 \cb3 \strokec4 \'a0Thanks for checking back in with us, Friendly Neighborhood Zoosexual! We\'92ll see you next time!\

\f2\b \cf4 \cb3 \strokec4 Toggle:
\f1\b0 \cf4 \cb3 \strokec4 \'a0I think it\'92s time for us to talk about our topic here. What the world needs now is More Zooey Wisdom!\

\f2\b \cf4 \cb3 \strokec4 Fausty:
\f1\b0 \cf4 \cb3 \strokec4 \'a0Toggle and I actually were talking recently about relationships. Human relationships, if you can believe it.\

\f2\b \cf4 \cb3 \strokec4 Toggle:
\f1\b0 \cf4 \cb3 \strokec4 \'a0Humans? That\'92s just bizarre.\

\f2\b \cf4 \cb3 \strokec4 Fausty:
\f1\b0 \cf4 \cb3 \strokec4 \'a0Specifically, we were discussing sexuality and the sorts of expectations people find themselves beholden to in the bedroom.\

\f2\b \cf4 \cb3 \strokec4 Toggle:
\f1\b0 \cf4 \cb3 \strokec4 \'a0It was an innocent conversation about dicks \'96 yeah I know, right? Big surprise! \'96 that evolved into a tawdry philosophical discussion about our experiences with other guys missing two legs, and the greater implications for society of those interactions.\

\f2\b \cf4 \cb3 \strokec4 Fausty:
\f1\b0 \cf4 \cb3 \strokec4 \'a0My number one rule for sexual encounters is as follows: There is nothing more beautiful than knowing that someone with whom you\'92re sharing sexual intimacy is having the time of their life and that I\'92m fortunate enough to be part of that wonderful experience for them. That\'92s what it\'92s about. However many legs, whatever gender, however furry they are or aren\'92t\'85 it\'92s about sharing pleasure, and more than that about enabling wondrous experiences with those you love. Sure I have my little preferences, here and there \'96 we all do, no matter our species \'96 but at core what I love is seeing someone happy. Ok also I love Mr. Peanut Butter \'96 a love unrequired! So far.\

\f2\b \cf4 \cb3 \strokec4 Toggle:
\f1\b0 \cf4 \cb3 \strokec4 \'a0I\'92m a cock connoisseur. Big ones, small ones, regular ones, I love \'91em all for different reasons. But I\'92ve noticed how embarrassed people get over their size sometimes, and it\'92s like, \'93Dude, chill, this is perfect.\'94 Or sometimes when people can\'92t keep it up, and the fact that they can\'92t keep it up makes them flustered, which makes it impossible to get hard.\

\f2\b \cf4 \cb3 \strokec4 Fausty:
\f1\b0 \cf4 \cb3 \strokec4 \'a0Performance anxiety.\

\f2\b \cf4 \cb3 \strokec4 Toggle:
\f1\b0 \cf4 \cb3 \strokec4 \'a0Exactly. But for me, none of that stuff matters. If we\'92re having a good time, it doesn\'92t matter that you have trouble staying hard. Fuck it, so do I. I\'92m on SSRI\'92s and so is half of America. It\'92s not a big deal.\

\f2\b \cf4 \cb3 \strokec4 Fausty:
\f1\b0 \cf4 \cb3 \strokec4 \'a0Toggle intuitively pointed out that this phenomenon \'96 performance anxiety \'96 is entirely based on human interactions. It doesn\'92t exist in zooey relationships. Not once has a stud dog been ashamed because he couldn\'92t keep it up (up? Not exactly right, but anyhow\'85) and stallions don\'92t worry they won\'92t meet expectations\'85 because, I mean, they\'92re stallions! Sorry, seriously this whole \'93feeling bad about your sexual performance\'94 is totally a human thing \'96 it wasn\'92t until deep into my adulthood that I even ever really bumped into it, since my paramours didn\'92t, definitionally, have those sorts of problems. And as zoos, because our experiences come without judgement from our partners, we take that wisdom and we have the opportunity to give them back to our human partners. I can say with total confidence that I\'92ve never, ever made a human partner feel bad about his (or her\'85 yes, or her) \'93performance\'94 in the barn\'85. err I meant, the bedroom. I can\'92t even conceive of what would motivate someone to be like that with a lover, to be frank. Whatever the case, one part of being zoo is our awareness that human hangups about sex aren\'92t intrinsically sexual \'96 they\'92re intrinsically human. To everyone else, such concepts simply don\'92t exist.\

\f2\b \cf4 \cb3 \strokec4 Toggle:
\f1\b0 \cf4 \cb3 \strokec4 \'a0Sex without feeling pressure to perform is truly incredible. Just enjoying the touch of other people, or the profound physical closeness of intimacy with a stud dog\'85 it\'92s beyond words to dscribe. You just enjoy that time together. And that\'92s something a lot of non-zoos are missing out on.\

\f2\b \cf4 \cb3 \strokec4 Fausty:
\f1\b0 \cf4 \cb3 \strokec4 \'a0Zoos have insight into the nonhuman world that isn\'92t available to humans from anywhere else \'96 that\'92s why we are part of the human genetic library and why we\'92ve always been inherent to what it is to be human. Without zoos, there\'92d be no domestication. No partnership with wolves, become dogs, become our best friends and closest allies and social peers. No horses sharing our lodgings, our hunting, our travels, our worlds\'85 and our beds. Or we can say that without all that, there\'92d be no evolutionary pressure in favour of the zooish gift. Two sides of one coin. And, beyond that coin, it turns out that us zoos also have a thing or two of value to say about human sexual intimacy. How could we not \'96 an uniquely zooish perspective is the betwixt and between: at once human and at once nonhuman \'96 and a mix of both (one might even call us\'85 Metis, right Toggle?).\

\f2\b \cf4 \cb3 \strokec4 Toggle:
\f1\b0 \cf4 \cb3 \strokec4 \'a0Fuck\'92s sake, Fausty. Yes yes \'96 well-played! Are you happy now? I see you chuckling over there, so I\'92ll take that as a yes. Ahem, back to the point: we share an empathy with other persecuted minorities, which allows us to see how systems of power arbitrarily push down on different groups of people. We have a perspective that allows us to question convention and to challenge authority, because we know that what we take for granted as a society isn\'92t always based on fact, logic, or evidence.\

\f2\b \cf4 \cb3 \strokec4 Fausty:
\f1\b0 \cf4 \cb3 \strokec4 \'a0Amoungst the many wisdoms shared with us by our nonhuman friends and partners is the transformative power of kindness, kindness that\'92s not tied to identical worldviews or overlapping politics or close kin connections\'85 indeed not tied to common species at all. And that kind of kindness has the potential to open doors of compassion and caring that, in turn, can and so many times in the past have changed our world for the better. That\'92s part of being a zoo, too: knowing that kindness, as recipients, and knowing how to share it, as initiators. We know how to be nice to other people \'96 indeed, to love other people \'96 whether those people look like us or not. Different skin colour is a big deal? Oh honey\'85 that\'92s so trivial it\'92s cute. We\'92re all the same, at heart: we all live, we all hope, we all fear, we all weep, and we all love. Petty differences \'96 skin, hair, paws, hooves, feather, fin, and fur\'85 what binds us is so much more spectacularly wonderful than those things which set us apart. Hell, even rodents without balls \'96 who don\'92t know when to add an \'93n\'94 and when not to \'96 are worthy of our kindness and maybe, just maybe\'85 yes, even of our love. All those hangups that keep us apart? They\'92re stuff we make and enforce on ourselves \'96 if we choose to. For it is true that we may also choose not to: not to be bound by the limits of what we once thought was possible, was available, was reasonable, was inevitable, was potentially ours. We, as zoos, have the power to choose to be so much more than what we would otherwise be \'96 and, in doing so, to act as avatars of moral greatness for all those humans who are so sadly crippled by their inability to reach beyond the confines of their fellow naked monkeys. We can help those limited humans. We must help those limited humans. Whether they know how to ask for our help or not, we know that it is ours to offer and ours to share. This, we must always continue to do.\

\f2\b \cf4 \cb3 \strokec4 Toggle:
\f1\b0 \cf4 \cb3 \strokec4 \'a0We are different, and that\'92s not only OK, it\'92s important. We have something to offer the world, and the world could really use a bit of that right now.\

\f2\b \cf4 \cb3 \strokec4 Fausty:
\f1\b0 \cf4 \cb3 \strokec4 \'a0Stay tuned, friends. We\'92ve got plenty more profoundly zooey wisdom to expound upon \'96 right after this!\
\'a0\
\pard\pardeftab720\sl900\sa200\partightenfactor0

\f0\b\fs72 \cf2 \cb3 \strokec2 This Episode\'92s Sponsors\
\pard\pardeftab720\sl400\sa450\partightenfactor0

\f2\fs30 \cf4 \cb3 \strokec4 Announcer:
\f1\b0 \cf4 \cb3 \strokec4 \'a0This week\'92s podcast is sponsored by:\
Dog Day Afternoon Spa: Spend a magical, relaxing, therapeutic day lying naked on a massage table surrounded by man\'92s best friend. We specialize in facials!\
And also by:\
Zooey Dooey & Murrs: When bigotry threatens you & your beloved partners, it\'92s time for the draft horse stallions of the legal world: we fight back against hatred with facts, fury, & fanatical vigor. Discounted rates for zoos who stand loyal to our community, no matter what.\
And finally:\
By esoteric references that only small segments of our audience can appreciate. Esoterica: it makes you sound authentic!\
\'a0\
\pard\pardeftab720\sl900\sa200\partightenfactor0

\f0\b\fs72 \cf2 \cb3 \strokec2 Bestfinster Dog Show \'96 Best In Show\
\pard\pardeftab720\sl400\sa450\partightenfactor0

\f1\b0\fs30 \cf4 \cb3 \strokec4 \'a0\
(Zooey graciously played by special guest \'93Steve\'94)\
\pard\pardeftab720\sl400\sa450\partightenfactor0

\f2\b \cf4 \cb3 \strokec4 Toggle:
\f1\b0 \cf4 \cb3 \strokec4 \'a0For this year\'92s Westmin\'85 err \'93Bestfinster\'94 conformation dog show, a radical new format was chosen for the ringside commentary broadcast live to listeners worldwide.\
Before, censors were on-hand to censor any reference that executives felt was too \'93mature\'94 when it comes to the show dogs in the ring. This, obviously, cut out a lot of what makes watching dog shows such a beautiful experience: the dogs \'96 and bitches! Acting like they aren\'92t charismatic, gorgeous, beautiful, alluring\'85 it was silly, artificial, and was driving away audiences in droves.\
The new format gets rid of all that nonsense and, we\'92re proud to say, also includes Zooier Than Thou\'92s very own \'93Zooey\'94 as one of the commentators broadcasting from ringside! That\'92s right: the Great Dane with the great mane, offering up her fabulous perspective on a topic she knows better than anyone: stunning sexual canine supermodels, any and all breeds.\
Without further ado, here\'92s a sample from the climactic event of this year\'92s broadcast: Best in Show!\

\f2\b \cf4 \cb3 \strokec4 Announcer 1 (jaded) Ron:
\f1\b0 \cf4 \cb3 \strokec4 \'a0Welcome back, ladies and gentlemen, to this year\'92s live commentary of the BestFinster Dog Show. For those just now tuning in, the Best in Show presentation is just beginning. And, yes, we\'92re continuing with what our ever-wise studio executives have told us is to be a more \'93inclusive, honest, and genuine\'94 approach to our commentary. Finally. About time we got to drop the bull droppings and open the windows for some fresh air.\

\f2\b \cf4 \cb3 \strokec4 Announcer 2 (straight) Stephen:
\f1\b0 \cf4 \cb3 \strokec4 \'a0Well, Ron, of course our network coverage of the August BestFinster show has always been, dare I say, best-in-class. Honesty is right at the centre of every year\'92s commentary, so it\'92s just a question of continuing our tradition of excellence. Nothing new about that this year!\

\f2\b \cf4 \cb3 \strokec4 Announcer 1 (jaded) Ron:
\f1\b0 \cf4 \cb3 \strokec4 \'a0Kid, the only thing honest about most of our previous commentary has been the name of the show. I\'92d know \'96 I\'92ve been here in this seat for thirty years, and every year before now we\'92ve been on tape-delay status so the network censors could clip out anything genuine or honest we said about the stars of the show. Only place you\'92d see more clipping of what\'92s genuine is in the dumpster full of dog balls behind a vet\'92s office.\

\f2\b \cf4 \cb3 \strokec4 Announcer 2 (straight) Stephen:
\f1\b0 \cf4 \cb3 \strokec4 \'a0Ron! We all know you\'92ve been at this job a heck of a long time but that\'92s no reason to be crude! Besides, everyone knows that those little doggies need to be \'93fixed\'94 so they can be happy little furbabies at the doggie daycare like all the other little doggies!\

\f2\b \cf4 \cb3 \strokec4 Zooey:
\f1\b0 \cf4 \cb3 \strokec4 \'a0Jesus, kid, listening to you talk about cutting some poor boy\'92s nuts off is almost as painful as knowing it happens so often\'85 can we close that pretty little mouth of yours and keep a close eye on these gorgeous dogs \'96 and bitches \'96 about to take to the ring? I haven\'92t been so hot under the collar since last time I spent a weekend in a kennel full of bitches. Oh, the joys of synchronized estrus!\

\f2\b \cf4 \cb3 \strokec4 Announcer 2 (straight) Stephen:
\f1\b0 \cf4 \cb3 \strokec4 \'a0Well I never\'85\

\f2\b \cf4 \cb3 \strokec4 Announcer 1 (jaded) Ron:
\f1\b0 \cf4 \cb3 \strokec4 \'a0We know, kid, we know. You wouldn\'92t last an hour in a setup like that \'96 those ladies would eat you alive and spit out the bones you don\'92t have in the places you damned well should.\

\f2\b \cf4 \cb3 \strokec4 Zooey:
\f1\b0 \cf4 \cb3 \strokec4 \'a0Boys, boys, let\'92s not bicker shall we? I was the first to lift a metaphorical leg on the idea of an unorthodox Best in Show class like this, but I\'92ll tell you right here and now that the parade of beauties we\'92re about to see is more than worth breaking any tradition under our sun. And if my ears don\'92t betray me\'85 oh bountiful blessed one, here they come!\

\f2\b \cf4 \cb3 \strokec4 Ron:
\f1\b0 \cf4 \cb3 \strokec4 \'a0Right you are, my great-maned colleague, right you are. First up, it looks like we\'92ve got the Weimaraner bitch that captured everyone\'92s hearts \'96 and a few more bits, to boot, for some men (and women) watching from ringside. She\'92s got style, she\'92s got grace, she\'92s got a topline you could use to teach ruler\'92s a thing or two about what straight means\'85 and she\'92s got enough raw sex appeal to stop an aircraft carrier dead in the water.\

\f2\b \cf4 \cb3 \strokec4 Stephen:
\f1\b0 \cf4 \cb3 \strokec4 \'a0What I\'92m seeing, for our listeners less given to flights of fancy than my elderly coworker, is a female of the German breed from Weimar. A crowd favorite with picture-perfect adherence to the breed standard as written, this dog is a textbook example of good structure and good handler presentation\'85\

\f2\b \cf4 \cb3 \strokec4 Zooey:
\f1\b0 \cf4 \cb3 \strokec4 \'a0Textbook? Stevie, I don\'92t know what textbooks you\'92ve been reading, but the only textbook that sexy lady appears in wouldn\'92t be allowed in most any local library in the United States of Repression you call home. She\'92s so gorgeously hot, word amongst the zooluminati I know working security in the exhibitor\'92s area is that she\'92s been receiving so many suitor\'92s bouquets that there\'92s been problems with access to emergency exits in her corner of the building. A lady with assets to die for, she most certainly is.\

\f2\b \cf4 \cb3 \strokec4 Ron:
\f1\b0 \cf4 \cb3 \strokec4 \'a0Can\'92t disagree with you one bit on that, m\'92lady Zooey, not one bit. Gotta say, it might just be that a few of those bouquets might just be mine, they just might be\'85 and she\'92s one heck of a date, that German gal. Or so I\'92ve heard from friends, I should say. And next into the ring is another German showstopper, the Rottweiler dog coming up from Group.\

\f2\b \cf4 \cb3 \strokec4 Stephen:
\f1\b0 \cf4 \cb3 \strokec4 \'a0Before Ron can make any off-colour jokes about this male dog, let me tell the listeners at home that it is exactly what is expected of the breed. Strong, stalwart, steady, and groomed to perfection.\

\f2\b \cf4 \cb3 \strokec4 Zooey:
\f1\b0 \cf4 \cb3 \strokec4 \'a0Steve, Steve, Steve\'85 hearing you talk about a \'93male dog\'94 is like hearing some gringo refer to \'93salsa sauce\'94 \'96 the cute gets swamped out by the dumb. No matter, since this delicious Rottie god is more than enough of a hunk to make anyone with hormones forget all that chattering noise. Just look at that sheath \'96 a sheath anyone could lose themselves in, a sheath truly worthy of worship.\

\f2\b \cf4 \cb3 \strokec4 Ron:
\f1\b0 \cf4 \cb3 \strokec4 \'a0He\'92s more than just a sheath fit for the gods, Zooey, that German masterpiece is. Shoulders with enough angles to fill a graduate school class in non-Euclidean geometry, a gait with that impossible combination of fluidity and pure macho power, and family jewels impressive enough to single-pawed overturn that old critique of Rottie boys as studs with big knots and little nuts, he\'92s a contender in my book for Best in Bedroom.\

\f2\b \cf4 \cb3 \strokec4 Stephen:
\f1\b0 \cf4 \cb3 \strokec4 \'a0Well I don\'92t know what all that\'92s supposed to mean, if I\'92m being totally honest. What I do know is that this male dog is impressive and has clearly caught the eye of the judges\'85\

\f2\b \cf4 \cb3 \strokec4 Ron:
\f1\b0 \cf4 \cb3 \strokec4 \'a0Only one whose eye he hasn\'92t caught is you, a eunuch who wouldn\'92t know what to do with a stud like that any more than you\'92d know how to flap those skinny arms of yours and fly to the bloody moon.\

\f2\b \cf4 \cb3 \strokec4 Zooey:
\f1\b0 \cf4 \cb3 \strokec4 \'a0Ron! No need to be mean to the youngster \'96 he knows not what he\'92s missing, and most likely never will. Enough of all that, here\'92s the GSD bitch that\'92s had half the continent up late fantasizing about her\'85 and the other half asleep having dirty lovely dreams with her as star of the show! And oh Dog almighty, just look at that goddess on four paws\'85\

\f2\b \cf4 \cb3 \strokec4 Ron:
\f1\b0 \cf4 \cb3 \strokec4 \'a0I\'92ve\'85 I\'92m\'85 I don\'92t know what to say. She\'92s like a dream made real, a fantasy come down to Earth, enough beauty to stop clocks half a world away\'85\

\f2\b \cf4 \cb3 \strokec4 Stephen:
\f1\b0 \cf4 \cb3 \strokec4 \'a0I don\'92t see anything particularly unusual about it, to be honest \'96 most all German Shepherds look alike, I\'92m sure we all agree, and in the end it comes down to checking the program to figure out what sex they are\'85\

\f2\b \cf4 \cb3 \strokec4 Zooey:
\f1\b0 \cf4 \cb3 \strokec4 \'a0Sex? Sex? When it comes to her, the program listing has her categorised as \'93oh please, yes please!\'94 Any place, any time, and way \'96 this Great Dane will obey in ways an OTCh can\'92t even imagine.\

\f2\b \cf4 \cb3 \strokec4 Ron:
\f1\b0 \cf4 \cb3 \strokec4 \'a0I\'92m still not\'85 I don\'92t know how to\'85 she\'92s simply\'85 magnificent. Her tail carriage alone is enough to stop traffic. Those shoulders, they\'92re poetry made physical.\

\f2\b \cf4 \cb3 \strokec4 Stephen:
\f1\b0 \cf4 \cb3 \strokec4 \'a0Since my two, ahem, colleagues or whatever they claim to be, can\'92t quite find their words, I\'92ll be happy to be the responsible one and keep our listeners informed about the next entrant coming into the wind. This is, let me check the schedule\'85 oh yes, this is the Beer-bull dog entry. A big, heavy thing with an air of menace, it seems to have won breed and group on the basis of intimidation alone. Not sure how a dangerous thing like that managed to get into BestFinster in the first place\'85\

\f2\b \cf4 \cb3 \strokec4 Zooey:
\f1\b0 \cf4 \cb3 \strokec4 \'a0Shut up, Stevie \'96 your tiny voice intrudes on my fervid fantasy of that big man getting into me and staying there for hours. Intimidating? That, my boy, is the only thing you\'92ve got right so far tonight: I\'92d be intimidated to introduce myself to him, let alone ask him for attentions of a more carnal sort\'85 he\'92s probably so used to adoring admirers trailing along behind him that he\'92s a veritable master of rejection. Such a terrible shame, isn\'92t it Ron?\

\f2\b \cf4 \cb3 \strokec4 Ron:
\f1\b0 \cf4 \cb3 \strokec4 \'a0Oh he\'92s not like that, not at all. I have it on good authority \'96 very good, you might say \'96 that he\'92s not only a perfect gentleman in the tradition of the best manners of South African Zulu culture, but he\'92s also happy to make time for a tie with adoring fans, be they shy or pushy. Oh yes, he\'92s everything a leading-man stud should be: virile, kind, confident, and rock-hard in the bedroom and in every place therein. I won\'92t soon forget our night\'85 I mean, I won\'92t forget what I\'92ve heard about him.\

\f2\b \cf4 \cb3 \strokec4 Zooey:
\f1\b0 \cf4 \cb3 \strokec4 \'a0Ron, you lucky old goat, you! I couldn\'92t be more envious if I tried \'96 and honey, I\'92ve tried.\

\f2\b \cf4 \cb3 \strokec4 Stephen:
\f1\b0 \cf4 \cb3 \strokec4 \'a0I just don\'92t know how much more of this I can put up with! It\'92s downright obscene, all this talk of abuse\'85.\

\f2\b \cf4 \cb3 \strokec4 Ron:
\f1\b0 \cf4 \cb3 \strokec4 \'a0The only abuse around here is what\'92s caused by being locked in a broadcast booth with someone so ignorant of dogs that he doesn\'92t know the difference between a bitch and teddy bear. Good thing you won\'92t ever get within a country mile of anyone out there in that show ring \'96 they\'92d laugh you out of the state with just a lolled tongue. Kid, you\'92re so far out of your league you\'92re not even playing the same sport.\

\f2\b \cf4 \cb3 \strokec4 Stephen:
\f1\b0 \cf4 \cb3 \strokec4 \'a0That\'92s it! I\'92m reporting this to senior management, right this second!\'a0(pulls out phone and makes dialing noises in the background)\

\f2\b \cf4 \cb3 \strokec4 Zooey:
\f1\b0 \cf4 \cb3 \strokec4 \'a0My deepest eternal thanks, my gentleman and scholar. Ron, you\'92ve saved the day \'96 and just in time for the most dashing, the most handsome, the most utterly lust-worthy of them all: the Golden stud of dreams, the master of our shared sensual domain, the hero of every stag movie worth it\'92s celluloid, the one and only\'85\

\f2\b \cf4 \cb3 \strokec4 Ron:
\f1\b0 \cf4 \cb3 \strokec4 \'a0The hands-down favourite of the class he is, Miss Zooey, that he is. And for good reason. Impeccable balance, flawless extension at the trot \'96 a trot that should rightly be called a \'93float,\'94 coat beyond the wildest dreams of the most debauched furrier ever born to this planet, and \'96 if what I\'92ve been told by those lucky enough to judge him in the past \'96 a pair of balls so perfect, so heavy, so ineffably flawless as to evade even the most heartfelt attempt to sing their eternal praises\'85 the perfect package, a package including a package to die for, a Golden beyond compare.\

\f2\b \cf4 \cb3 \strokec4 Zooey:
\f1\b0 \cf4 \cb3 \strokec4 \'a0Ron, if it comes down to you and I fighting for his attentions, I give fair warning that I will shamelessly resort to any and all stratagems and intrigues in service of earning his service \'96 yes I will. Know you that!\

\f2\b \cf4 \cb3 \strokec4 Stephen:
\f1\b0 \cf4 \cb3 \strokec4 \'a0Well I never! I went right to the top, I\'92ll have you two smirking goons know, and you know what I was told? DO YOU KNOW WHAT I WAS TOLD?\

\f2\b \cf4 \cb3 \strokec4 Ron and Zooey, over each other:
\f1\b0 \cf4 \cb3 \strokec4 \'a0Nope. No. Nope.\

\f2\b \cf4 \cb3 \strokec4 Stephen:
\f1\b0 \cf4 \cb3 \strokec4 \'a0I was told, and I quote: \'93You\'92re fired. Call-in lines are flooded with support for our newfound approach to honest dog show reporting.\'94 Fired!\

\f2\b \cf4 \cb3 \strokec4 Zooey:
\f1\b0 \cf4 \cb3 \strokec4 \'a0Goes to show that sex sells, good or bad, two legs or four\'85 and in this case it\'92s four and honey it\'92s good, good, and more good yet again.\

\f2\b \cf4 \cb3 \strokec4 Ron:
\f1\b0 \cf4 \cb3 \strokec4 \'a0Right, then \'96 back to the show, Zooey, now that the virgin man-child is gone. Meanwhile we\'92ve had enter the ring a legend in her own right, the Husky bitch. Now I know all eyes are on a certain lady-part of hers famous for its deep, dark, glistening black color \'96 but we all know she\'92s so much more than that, though who could pretend they don\'92t notice such a showpiece of a piece. Coat befitting the northern princess she most assuredly is, she\'92s also a lover widely rumored to be\'85\
(broadcast fades out at this point)\
\'a0\
\pard\pardeftab720\sl900\sa200\partightenfactor0

\f0\b\fs72 \cf2 \cb3 \strokec2 The Safety Dance, revisited, featuring \'93Steve\'94\
\pard\pardeftab720\sl400\sa450\partightenfactor0

\f1\b0\fs30 \cf4 \cb3 \strokec4 (Transcript to follow)\
\'a0\
\pard\pardeftab720\sl900\sa200\partightenfactor0

\f0\b\fs72 \cf2 \cb3 \strokec2 Secret Zoo \'96 Rin Tin Tin\
\pard\pardeftab720\sl400\sa450\partightenfactor0

\f1\b0\fs30 \cf4 \cb3 \strokec4 \'a0\
(Late 1920\'92s)\
\pard\pardeftab720\sl400\sa450\partightenfactor0

\f2\b \cf4 \cb3 \strokec4 Radio Announcer:
\f1\b0 \cf4 \cb3 \strokec4 \'a0Rin Tin Tin, the Wonder Dog that stole the nation\'92s heart, the shining star that saved Warner Brothers from bankruptcy time and time again, the stud dog of every lady\'92s dreams, now spends his retirement at his private beach house in Malibu. Our reporters caught up with Rinty this weekend as he lounged nude on his porch in all his glory, watching the waves crash against the sandy shore.\

\f2\b \cf4 \cb3 \strokec4 Reporter:
\f1\b0 \cf4 \cb3 \strokec4 \'a0Rinty, do you have time for a quick interview?\

\f2\b \cf4 \cb3 \strokec4 Rinty:
\f1\b0 \cf4 \cb3 \strokec4 \'a0Certainly, anything for my fans.\

\f2\b \cf4 \cb3 \strokec4 Reporter:
\f1\b0 \cf4 \cb3 \strokec4 \'a0How\'92s life been treating you since you retired from the silver screen?\

\f2\b \cf4 \cb3 \strokec4 Rinty:
\f1\b0 \cf4 \cb3 \strokec4 \'a0Oh, can\'92t complain. Things are quiet, peaceful, easy. Couldn\'92t ask for much more than that.\

\f2\b \cf4 \cb3 \strokec4 Reporter:
\f1\b0 \cf4 \cb3 \strokec4 \'a0Certainly a change from your Hollywood lifestyle just a couple of years ago. You were quite the playboy in your prime. Beautiful GSDs lining up for blocks just to get a whiff of your scent, your on-again-off-again affairs with Hollywood starlets, including your gorgeous co-star Nanette.\

\f2\b \cf4 \cb3 \strokec4 Rinty:
\f1\b0 \cf4 \cb3 \strokec4 \'a0(chuckles)\'a0I\'92ve tied the knot a few times, there\'92s no doubt about that. I\'92ve lived a charmed life, and I\'92d be lying if I said I didn\'92t enjoy every minute of it.\

\f2\b \cf4 \cb3 \strokec4 Reporter:
\f1\b0 \cf4 \cb3 \strokec4 \'a0In the beginning, people compared you to you predecessor, Strongheart, a glorious canine specimen in his own right. What\'92s it feel like to have ended your career with reviewers asking, \'93Strongheart who?\'94\

\f2\b \cf4 \cb3 \strokec4 Rinty:
\f1\b0 \cf4 \cb3 \strokec4 \'a0Golly, Strongheart really set the stage for screen actors like me. It\'92s hard to imagine I\'92d be anything I am today without him setting the precedent. Lee was always insistent I was star material, though.\

\f2\b \cf4 \cb3 \strokec4 Reporter:
\f1\b0 \cf4 \cb3 \strokec4 \'a0Lee is your agent?\

\f2\b \cf4 \cb3 \strokec4 Rinty:
\f1\b0 \cf4 \cb3 \strokec4 \'a0You could say that.\

\f2\b \cf4 \cb3 \strokec4 Reporter:
\f1\b0 \cf4 \cb3 \strokec4 \'a0Ah, Lee introduced you to the Hollywood lifestyle. How did that come about?\

\f2\b \cf4 \cb3 \strokec4 Rinty:
\f1\b0 \cf4 \cb3 \strokec4 \'a0Well, you know, Lee saw ol\'92 Strongheart up on the screen and he said to me, \'93Rinty, you could run circles around that big lunk.\'94 We\'92d wander up and down Poverty Row, with some of the smaller studios, and those were my first gigs. But the real break was \'93Where the North Begins.\'94 Lee wrote it himself and pitched it to Harry \'97\

\f2\b \cf4 \cb3 \strokec4 Reporter:
\f1\b0 \cf4 \cb3 \strokec4 \'a0That\'92s Harry Warner, of Warner Bros. Studios, yes?\uc0\u8232 
\f2\b \cf4 \cb3 \strokec4 Rinty:
\f1\b0 \cf4 \cb3 \strokec4 \'a0Right. Harry loved the script, and the rest is history.\

\f2\b \cf4 \cb3 \strokec4 Reporter:
\f1\b0 \cf4 \cb3 \strokec4 \'a0Your journey from pauper to prince of Hollywood is certainly a riveting one.\

\f2\b \cf4 \cb3 \strokec4 Rinty:
\f1\b0 \cf4 \cb3 \strokec4 \'a0Lee may have exaggerated a few of the details.\

\f2\b \cf4 \cb3 \strokec4 Reporter:
\f1\b0 \cf4 \cb3 \strokec4 \'a0Ha, well, perhaps, and yet you truly commanded the screen in heroic fashion. Stunning, really.\

\f2\b \cf4 \cb3 \strokec4 Rinty:
\f1\b0 \cf4 \cb3 \strokec4 \'a0Well, thank you. I had a good time doing it!\

\f2\b \cf4 \cb3 \strokec4 Reporter:
\f1\b0 \cf4 \cb3 \strokec4 \'a0I can\'92t help but notice you still present a striking figure, just dashing for a hound your age. Are you still fending off all the ladies?\

\f2\b \cf4 \cb3 \strokec4 Rinty:
\f1\b0 \cf4 \cb3 \strokec4 \'a0(chuckles)\'a0Oh, I have no doubt if I walked back down Sunset Boulevard I\'92d have a date for the night in a heartbeat. But you know, I\'92m content now. Settled down with someone I really love, and I don\'92t think I\'92d have it any other way.\

\f2\b \cf4 \cb3 \strokec4 Reporter:
\f1\b0 \cf4 \cb3 \strokec4 \'a0Say, now, that IS news! Who\'92s the fortunate four-legged female who captured the heart that captured the American spirit?\

\f2\b \cf4 \cb3 \strokec4 Rinty:
\f1\b0 \cf4 \cb3 \strokec4 (hesitates audibly)\

\f2\b \cf4 \cb3 \strokec4 Reporter:
\f1\b0 \cf4 \cb3 \strokec4 \'a0(slowly)\'a0Perhaps, it\'92s a lucky male?\

\f2\b \cf4 \cb3 \strokec4 Rinty:
\f1\b0 \cf4 \cb3 \strokec4 \'a0(chuckles softly)\'a0Well, you could always ask him yourself. Lee loves to give interviews. He\'92ll be back to the beach house shortly.\

\f2\b \cf4 \cb3 \strokec4 Reporter:
\f1\b0 \cf4 \cb3 \strokec4 \'a0Hold the phone, you mean your agent? A two legger?\

\f2\b \cf4 \cb3 \strokec4 Rinty:
\f1\b0 \cf4 \cb3 \strokec4 \'a0I do.\

\f2\b \cf4 \cb3 \strokec4 Reporter:
\f1\b0 \cf4 \cb3 \strokec4 \'a0But Rinty, you\'92re a star! You could have anybody! Women fawn over you! Men want to BE you! Why would you settle for a two-legger when you could have anything you want?\uc0\u8232 
\f2\b \cf4 \cb3 \strokec4 Rinty:
\f1\b0 \cf4 \cb3 \strokec4 \'a0You know, Lee\'92s been a constant in my life. He helped me show the world what he\'92s always seen in me. He was always my advocate, my supporter, my foundation. Coming home has always meant falling asleep at Lee\'92s side. Don\'92t get me wrong. The sex is great, and I\'92ve never been one to turn down an upturned tail, but all these guys and gals, they want me because I\'92m famous. Lee knows my truest soul like nobody else, and he sees something deeper that he\'92s fallen for. It\'92s always been the two of us. Nothing changed when the fame came. And now all I want to do is spend the rest of my days with the man I love.\

\f2\b \cf4 \cb3 \strokec4 Reporter:
\f1\b0 \cf4 \cb3 \strokec4 \'a0Come to think of it, your agent was divorced a few years back from another Hollywood elite. Is that because\'85?\

\f2\b \cf4 \cb3 \strokec4 Rinty:
\f1\b0 \cf4 \cb3 \strokec4 \'a0(sighs sorrowfully)\'a0You know, I loved Charlotte, and it pains me to know that she\'92s had to suffer because of our love. I\'92ll never truly understand it, but society places these expectations on two-leggers, and sometimes they go through the motions because they\'92re expected to. Go to war, get married to a fine woman, have kids\'85 Only, sometimes that gets in the way of what they already know is true, and other people get hurt because they couldn\'92t be honest with themselves from the beginning. I just hate that a third person had to be harmed for us to be together. I truly, sincerely feel terrible for her, because knowing the Lee that I know, I\'92d be devastated to have a man like that taken from me.\

\f2\b \cf4 \cb3 \strokec4 Reporter:
\f1\b0 \cf4 \cb3 \strokec4 \'a0It\'92s certainly a different side of the Rin Tin Tin America knows and loves. The playboy, the sex symbol, the leading man heart throb, and now a romantic at heart.\

\f2\b \cf4 \cb3 \strokec4 Rinty:
\f1\b0 \cf4 \cb3 \strokec4 \'a0I\'92ve always been a romantic. Hollywood can blind you to what\'92s really important in life, but nothing\'92s ever been more important to me than Lee.\

\f2\b \cf4 \cb3 \strokec4 Reporter:
\f1\b0 \cf4 \cb3 \strokec4 \'a0Wow, what an interview. Thank you, Rinty, for this eye-opening and heartfelt conversation.\

\f2\b \cf4 \cb3 \strokec4 Rinty:
\f1\b0 \cf4 \cb3 \strokec4 \'a0Always a pleasure. And, hey, don\'92t think I didn\'92t notice where your eyes were for half the interview. I don\'92t mind if you wanna \'97\
(the interview cuts off)\

\f2\b \cf4 \cb3 \strokec4 Announcer:
\f1\b0 \cf4 \cb3 \strokec4 \'a0Don\'92t touch that dial, folks! Ask Zooey is up next, right after this!\
\'a0\
\pard\pardeftab720\sl900\sa200\partightenfactor0

\f0\b\fs72 \cf2 \cb3 \strokec2 Fur and Loving in Alaska\
\pard\pardeftab720\sl400\sa450\partightenfactor0

\f1\b0\fs30 \cf4 \cb3 \strokec4 \'a0\
\pard\pardeftab720\sl400\sa450\partightenfactor0

\f2\b \cf4 \cb3 \strokec4 Hunter S. Thompson:
\f1\b0 \cf4 \cb3 \strokec4 \'a0We were somewhere north of Fairbanks, near the edge of a sled trail, when his knot began to take hold. I remember feeling a bit light-headed and saying to my lead dog, \'93Whoa there big fella, take it easy now! My dog, you\'92ve got some drive!\'94\
Suddenly, there was a wonderful roar of fluids pulsing inside my ass, and my voice began screaming, \'93Holy Jesus, I love the cock of this fine animal!\'94 There was a heavy panting from above, and strings of warm drool rained down on the back of my neck. The snow beneath us began to melt, whist the northern lights danced above in fantastic iridescent cascades as we continued to\'96\
Ohh\'85 whoops\'85 wait a minute, this is private my journal! Uhh, sorry folks, thats a story for later!\
\'a0\
\pard\pardeftab720\sl900\sa200\partightenfactor0

\f0\b\fs72 \cf2 \cb3 \strokec2 Ask Zooey\
\pard\pardeftab720\sl400\sa450\partightenfactor0

\f1\b0\fs30 \cf4 \cb3 \strokec4 \'a0\
\pard\pardeftab720\sl400\sa450\partightenfactor0

\f2\b \cf4 \cb3 \strokec4 Zooey:
\f1\b0 \cf4 \cb3 \strokec4 \'a0Welcome back to Ask Zooey, the only place on the internet for premium cross-species dating advice! I\'92m your gorgeous host who you love the most, Zooey!\

\f2\b \cf4 \cb3 \strokec4 Toggle:
\f1\b0 \cf4 \cb3 \strokec4 \'a0And I\'92m a horny rat slut called Toggle!\

\f2\b \cf4 \cb3 \strokec4 Zooey:
\f1\b0 \cf4 \cb3 \strokec4 \'a0Remember folks, you can contact us with your own zooey questions, either through twitter @AskZooey, or through the anonymous contact form at zoo.wtf. If it\'92s a question that\'92s burning in your heart, asking it could help someone else out there just like you! While we get lots of e-mails every week, we do take the time to read each and every one. Just because we haven\'92t responded yet doesn\'92t mean we won\'92t soon!\

\f2\b \cf4 \cb3 \strokec4 Toggle:
\f1\b0 \cf4 \cb3 \strokec4 \'a0Let\'92s not waste any more time and dive right in! Our first question comes from a Traveler on the Tundra!\

\f2\b \cf4 \cb3 \strokec4 Zooey:
\f1\b0 \cf4 \cb3 \strokec4 \'a0Ah, a teamster from up north, perhaps?\

\f2\b \cf4 \cb3 \strokec4 Toggle:
\f1\b0 \cf4 \cb3 \strokec4 \'a0The Traveler writes: \'93Dear Zooey: I hear about there being a community of zooey individuals, but i have never had luck finding anyone else to talk to about it. I\'92m not good at online interactions because i watched one too many 20/20 specials growing up and developed a rather paranoid mentality about online interactions. In addition, I travel for work 90% of the time and find it difficult to make lasting relationships with any species because of my travels. Any advice for the weary traveler on how to make lasting connections, human or otherwise?\'94\

\f2\b \cf4 \cb3 \strokec4 Zooey:
\f1\b0 \cf4 \cb3 \strokec4 \'a0Ahh, those classic 20/20 specials on the dangers of online activity.\

\f2\b \cf4 \cb3 \strokec4 Toggle:
\f1\b0 \cf4 \cb3 \strokec4 \'a0The online landscape has changed a lot from when I was growing up. I remember when the idea of using your real name on the internet was seen as an unnecessary risk, and now it\'92s required to use certain websites.\

\f2\b \cf4 \cb3 \strokec4 Zooey:
\f1\b0 \cf4 \cb3 \strokec4 \'a0And while there are certainly some valid concerns about being online and public with one\'92s persona, those old programs like Dateline and 20/20 definitely tended to blow things a little out of proportion, largely do to a fundamental lack of understanding of online interactions and a need to sensationalize fear.\

\f2\b \cf4 \cb3 \strokec4 Toggle:
\f1\b0 \cf4 \cb3 \strokec4 \'a0The tough thing about the zoo community is that, in this particular era of zoo history, it\'92s largely online. The good news is that you can foster relationships with people based on common interests without needing to divulge personal information. The furry fandom is definitely a shining example of healthy online interactions by way of an online persona.\

\f2\b \cf4 \cb3 \strokec4 Zooey:
\f1\b0 \cf4 \cb3 \strokec4 \'a0Indeed. Here, all you need to know is that my name is Zooey, and I\'92m the most gorgeous great dane drag queen you\'92ll ever meet, and we can have a perfectly good conversation from that alone. No need to know my zipcode, where I went to school, or what my day job is.\

\f2\b \cf4 \cb3 \strokec4 Toggle:
\f1\b0 \cf4 \cb3 \strokec4 \'a0Furries also have a built-in social convention for meeting people in real life, in safe, public spaces that also don\'92t require one to divulge personal information: fur cons. Incidentally, Traveler, these are also places to meet zoos in safe encounters, since there is significant community overlap! Plus, there\'92s a con in any given part of the world you may be traveling in at any given time, particularly if you venture down into the US.\

\f2\b \cf4 \cb3 \strokec4 Zooey:
\f1\b0 \cf4 \cb3 \strokec4 \'a0Remember, Traveler, when talking to people online, it is perfectly acceptable to say, \'93I\'92m not comfortable sharing that information about myself at this time.\'94\

\f2\b \cf4 \cb3 \strokec4 Toggle:
\f1\b0 \cf4 \cb3 \strokec4 \'a0Preferably in less stilted phrasing, but yes. You mentioned behind the scenes that you fear people won\'92t feel comfortable getting to know you if you never divulge personal information. Now, I wonder about the degree to which you don\'92t share information. If it\'92s a matter of not wanting to answer the age-old question of \'93A/S/L?\'94 then you\'92ll find that you\'92re not expected to. If it\'92s a matter of being afraid of sharing your favorite movies and video games for fear that someone might figure out who you are based on your likes, then yes, this is totally paranoia, and you\'92re going to have a hard time fostering conversations in which you\'92re unwilling to give even an iota of yourself. Break out of your shell, Traveler, because all relationships require that we give something of ourselves to the relationship.\

\f2\b \cf4 \cb3 \strokec4 Zooey:
\f1\b0 \cf4 \cb3 \strokec4 \'a0Now, this is a cross-species dating advice show, so let\'92s not neglect the other glaring question. Traveling ninety percent of the time does make it largely impractical to form lasting relationships with animal partners of various species, but this also depends on the terms of your travel.\

\f2\b \cf4 \cb3 \strokec4 Toggle:
\f1\b0 \cf4 \cb3 \strokec4 \'a0I have a really good friend who travels for work constantly. Since he travels by personal car, he has a canine companion that travels with him. This does require stops at dog parks along the way for plenty of exercise, but it also means his partner is by his side all the time. This necessitates teaching your partner the etiquette of being around crowds of people and living in hotel rooms. It also means that he\'92s chosen to give up the convenience of airplanes to travel by car.\

\f2\b \cf4 \cb3 \strokec4 Zooey:
\f1\b0 \cf4 \cb3 \strokec4 \'a0Another friend of mine spent time as a teamster, on the road in a big sleeper cab. Canines seem to be the paramours of choice for traveling zoos, but again, it takes a certain kind of pooch that doesn\'92t mind hanging out in a spacious sleeper cab all day, and again, it means you\'92ll be taking frequent stops for exercise, which could interfere with how fast you make it from point A to point B.\

\f2\b \cf4 \cb3 \strokec4 Toggle:
\f1\b0 \cf4 \cb3 \strokec4 \'a0A growing number of traveling zoos are bringing their homes with them, opting to travel by camper, which opens up a lot of options for you and your traveling companion. This can be a more expensive option on the outset, because of upfront costs and gas, but consider that you also don\'92t have to pay for a mortgage on a house!\

\f2\b \cf4 \cb3 \strokec4 Zooey:
\f1\b0 \cf4 \cb3 \strokec4 \'a0The truth, though, is that traveling zoos don\'92t really have options to form lasting relationships with horses, for instance, who require a stable to call home and a lot of time and care on site. Other animals about the farm are also out, in terms of long lasting relationships. So if you\'92re not particularly attracted to canines, or if you fancy breeds that require lots of space and exercise, you may be out of luck until you\'92re able to settle down. Also, if you travel largely by plane, that can complicate things, as traveling by plane is NOT currently a practical life style for our four-legged friends.\

\f2\b \cf4 \cb3 \strokec4 Toggle:
\f1\b0 \cf4 \cb3 \strokec4 \'a0Traveling zoos have to remember that their partners\'92 wellbeing always comes first, and that means making sure your lifestyle is able to accommodate a four-legged partner\'92s needs. But rest assured, Traveler, you CAN have a meaningful, mutually beneficial relationship while living on the road.\

\f2\b \cf4 \cb3 \strokec4 Zooey:
\f1\b0 \cf4 \cb3 \strokec4 \'a0Thanks for reaching out. Safe travels, Traveler, and we hope you\'92re able to begin making the zooey connections you need to make! Our next letter comes from Oral Lover in Orange County. Oral writes, \'93Dear Zooey: My father taught me that, when it comes to the Birds and the Bees, it\'92s my duty before I get off to make my partner cum first. Bet he would have a heart attack knowing that I use that advice on my female animal partners. I truly believe that he was right in this regard, though, as I find it very exciting to see my partner hit orgasm before I ever even penetrate. But I\'92m having a problem that I hope you can help me with. For years, my partner was a sexy goat that I knew just how to hit all the right spots, with my fingers and tongue. Now my partner is a lovely mix breed bitch. I try doing the same things orally that I did with my last partner but it just doesn\'92t seam to be working. I truly wish to please her orally, I just don\'92t know what I\'92m doing wrong. Is this a common problem with zoos that change species? Please help!\'94\

\f2\b \cf4 \cb3 \strokec4 Toggle:
\f1\b0 \cf4 \cb3 \strokec4 \'a0I love a man that puts his partner first in bed.\

\f2\b \cf4 \cb3 \strokec4 Zooey:
\f1\b0 \cf4 \cb3 \strokec4 \'a0Rawr, me, too! Your father definitely taught you well.\

\f2\b \cf4 \cb3 \strokec4 Toggle:
\f1\b0 \cf4 \cb3 \strokec4 \'a0Here\'92s the thing, though, Oral: regardless of whether or not you change species, every woman is different, and they like different things. There\'92s no \'93one size fits all\'94 when it comes to oral, which makes this question a little difficult to address. Nevertheless, we reached out to our oral experts for advice, and hopefully this will be of use to you.\

\f2\b \cf4 \cb3 \strokec4 Zooey:
\f1\b0 \cf4 \cb3 \strokec4 \'a0It\'92s true that every woman is different, but it\'92s definitely true, Oral, that a goat and a bitch aren\'92t quite anatomically set up the same way. A canine\'92s clitoris isn\'92t in the same place, so if you\'92re aiming for the same spots, you\'92re likely going to miss it.\

\f2\b \cf4 \cb3 \strokec4 Toggle:
\f1\b0 \cf4 \cb3 \strokec4 \'a0A little foreplay goes a long way. With your partner standing, and with her consent, try gently squeezing her vulva by encircling it with your thumb and forefinger: thumb on top, forefinger bent and encircling the underside. You should feel her clit get hard, and she may hump your hand to encourage you to continue forward.\

\f2\b \cf4 \cb3 \strokec4 Zooey:
\f1\b0 \cf4 \cb3 \strokec4 \'a0Our experts recommend that smooching your pooch is easier with her lying on her back. Gently suck on her clit between your lips like a straw, then lick its underside. If she bucks her hips against your face or begins licking her chops, you\'92re hitting the right spot.\

\f2\b \cf4 \cb3 \strokec4 Toggle:
\f1\b0 \cf4 \cb3 \strokec4 \'a0We stress this every time, but it\'92s worth stressing again: LISTEN to your partner, and remember that at any time, consent can be withdrawn. Furthermore, close attention to your partner\'92s body language will help you gauge when you\'92re hitting the exact right spot, or whether you need to move just a liiiiittle to the left, or just a hair to the right. Again, no two dogs have exactly the same spot, so knowing exactly where your fingers need to go or where to focus your tongue isn\'92t an exact science. Compared to a goat, though, you generally don\'92t need to reach too far to find a canine\'92s g-spot. She will definitely guide you, so pay attention! And for the love of Dog, please mind your nails!\

\f2\b \cf4 \cb3 \strokec4 Zooey:
\f1\b0 \cf4 \cb3 \strokec4 \'a0Clearly, Oral, you\'92re experienced in knowing when a woman is having the time of her life, or when she\'92s just not into it. And remember, the other side of the coin is that not everyone likes oral. There\'92s a chance your bitch just doesn\'92t get off on it.\

\f2\b \cf4 \cb3 \strokec4 Toggle:
\f1\b0 \cf4 \cb3 \strokec4 \'a0With any luck, our advice leads to some very ecstatic zoomies in the near future. Though we\'92ve given you some basic pointers, always listen to your partner, Oral, and you\'92ll never go wrong.\

\f2\b \cf4 \cb3 \strokec4 Zooey:
\f1\b0 \cf4 \cb3 \strokec4 \'a0That\'92s all the time we have for today, folks! Thanks so much for tuning in! We look forward to answering all your zooey relationship questions next episode! Keep those submissions coming!\

\f2\b \cf4 \cb3 \strokec4 Toggle:
\f1\b0 \cf4 \cb3 \strokec4 \'a0We\'92ll see you next time on Ask Zooey! Same zoo time, same zoo channel!\
\'a0\
\pard\pardeftab720\sl900\sa200\partightenfactor0

\f0\b\fs72 \cf2 \cb3 \strokec2 Outro\
\pard\pardeftab720\sl400\sa450\partightenfactor0

\f1\b0\fs30 \cf4 \cb3 \strokec4 \'a0\
\pard\pardeftab720\sl400\sa450\partightenfactor0

\f2\b \cf4 \cb3 \strokec4 Fausty:
\f1\b0 \cf4 \cb3 \strokec4 \'a0Thanks, friends, for listening to Zooier Than Thou.\

\f2\b \cf4 \cb3 \strokec4 Toggle:
\f1\b0 \cf4 \cb3 \strokec4 \'a0Next full moon, we want to talk about women in the community, but we feel wholly inadequate to cover this topic as a bunch of guys and a drag queen. Thankfully, we have a special guest host and some special interview guests joining us to give us the perspective we can\'92t hope to give ourselves.\

\f2\b \cf4 \cb3 \strokec4 Fausty:
\f1\b0 \cf4 \cb3 \strokec4 \'a0It\'92s gonna be well worth the wait, so don\'92t miss it for anything!\

\f2\b \cf4 \cb3 \strokec4 Toggle:
\f1\b0 \cf4 \cb3 \strokec4 \'a0You can subscribe to the podcast via our RSS feed: just point your favourite podcast client at rss.zoo.wtf and off you go. You can even find us on Spotify, Youtube, Alexa, and the one-who-must-be-named. We\'92re everywhere!\

\f2\b \cf4 \cb3 \strokec4 Fausty:
\f1\b0 \cf4 \cb3 \strokec4 \'a0Our podcast\'92s website is, yep, zoo.wtf. Twitter @ZooierThanThou, and you can follow Zooey\'92s knotty advice @AskZooey. Follow Fausty @lecontespink, and Toggle @OneBigGrumpyRat!\

\f2\b \cf4 \cb3 \strokec4 Toggle:
\f1\b0 \cf4 \cb3 \strokec4 \'a0A reminder that we have a form that enables anonymous submissions to the podcast on our website, zoo.wtf! You can share with the world some of your zooey wisdom, Ask Zooey for 10 hot insider tips on hot crumping action with your sexiest drafty boy, or send us death threats from your home IP address\'85 what could possibly go wrong?\

\f2\b \cf4 \cb3 \strokec4 Fausty:
\f1\b0 \cf4 \cb3 \strokec4 \'a0You can contact co-host Fausty through his website, fausty.org, or whisper your secret in Mr. PeanutButter\'92s ear, and maybe he\'92ll feel compelled to contact me finally!\

\f2\b \cf4 \cb3 \strokec4 Toggle:
\f1\b0 \cf4 \cb3 \strokec4 \'a0Zooier Than Thou wants to be free, man. Share it with everyone! Peace, love, and podcasts!\

\f2\b \cf4 \cb3 \strokec4 Fausty:
\f1\b0 \cf4 \cb3 \strokec4 \'a0All nonhumans involved in the production of this episode have been certified 100% free of performance anxiety!\

\f2\b \cf4 \cb3 \strokec4 Toggle:
\f1\b0 \cf4 \cb3 \strokec4 \'a0Did you know that crumping is a thing? I didn\'92t!\

\f2\b \cf4 \cb3 \strokec4 Fausty:
\f1\b0 \cf4 \cb3 \strokec4 \'a0I know what crumping is, and I\'92m really, really good at it! Be nice to each other. It\'92s the sexiest, zooiest thing you can do. This is old man Fausty, and I\'92m sitting here randy as a 16 year old thinking about crumping.\

\f2\b \cf4 \cb3 \strokec4 Toggle:
\f1\b0 \cf4 \cb3 \strokec4 \'a0And this is Toggle, and I know what\'a0I\'92m\'a0doing for the next half hour, and you\'92ve almost finished listening to Zooier Than Thou! Stay Defiant, fellow zoos! We\'92ll see you next time you feel like howling at the moon!\
}