tweets.tsv

Reception	One time my cousin was too drunk to attend his own wedding reception. How was this reception @lawmaker /link/?	Looks like @lawmaker likes to receive: another pricey fundraising reception /link/			
Breakfast	@lawmaker I had cereal alone at home. How was breakfast at your fundraiser? /link/	@lawmaker I raised no money at breakfast, as usual. How'd you do? /link/	I love the smell of cash in the morning. How 'bout you @lawmaker? /link/		
Brunch	Were there bottomless mimosas at your brunch fundraiser, @lawmaker? I wore assless chaps that morning, does that count? /link/	Lunches, brunches, interviews by the pool, considered a fool cause I dropped [Contributions Info] on a @lawmaker fundraiser /link/			
Lunch	Hey @lawmaker you seem to know that nothing lubricates my checkbook like a lunch fundraiser /link/	I know you got a pile of money at your lunch fundraiser @lawmaker, but what'd you have to eat?! /link/			
Dinner	Hey @lawmaker, how was dinner? Is fundraising cash a dish best served cold? /link/	@lawmaker wants you to pay [Contributions Info] to go to dinner. So... steak, or college tuition /link/			
Private	I've never been to the private room at a stripclub. Saw @lawmaker had a private fundraiser, same thing? /link/	Would love to hear about the private fundraiser you had @lawmaker! Money? Pics? Texts? Sexts? /link/			
BBQ	How was the BBQ fundraiser @lawmaker? Also, since when is mesquite [Contributions Info]? /link/	@lawmaker Back fat? Jowl? Boston Butt? Loin? What cut did you eat at /link/?	Why didn't I get invited to the BBQ fundraiser @lawmaker? ARE YOU CALLING ME FAT?!?! /link/	Hey @lawmaker are barrels of pork > pork barrel spending? /link/	
Whiskey 	It's Canadian Club again for me tonight, @lawmaker. I trust you had the same at your whiskey fundraiser /link/	Can't figure out why @lawmaker didn't invite me to the whiskey fundraiser. It's not like he knows I'm in AA. /link/	A whiskey fundraiser without me, @lawmaker? Is it because you saw those photos of me? You know the ones /link/	If you come to whiskey friday @lawmaker, you don't have to pay me [Contributions Info]! /link/	
Bourbon	It's Canadian Club again for me tonight, @lawmaker. I trust you had the same at your whiskey fundraiser /link/	Can't figure out why @lawmaker didn't invite me to the whiskey fundraiser. It's not like he knows I'm in AA /link/	A whiskey fundraiser without me, @lawmaker? Is it because you saw those photos of me? You know the ones /link/	If you come to whiskey friday @lawmaker, you don't have to pay me [Contributions Info]! /link/	
Cruise	@lawmaker Heard you were cruising for money recently /link/ I used to do some cruising back in my day, though it wasn't for money...				
Yacht	@lawmaker Non-millionaires weren't invited to this /link/ I forgive you if you explain why yacht is spelled that way	Dear @lawmaker, I'll forgive you for not inviting me to /link/ if I get the yacht. I patiently await your reply.	@lawmaker oh you fancy huh? Next time lemme get on that yacht /link/		
Cocktail	The sex on the beach with @lawmaker was great! The cocktail at the fundraiser wasn't bad either /link/				
Hors d'oeuvres 	@lawmaker Offended you had this /link/ without my famous corn dogs. Serves me right for not being a millionaire.	Heard @lawmaker had an hors d'oeuvres party /link/ Hope you can explain that to the France-hating crowd.			
crab	@lawmaker Did you get crabs last night? Heard you had a party with some lobbyists /link/				
crap 	@lawmaker didn't invite me to the gambling party /link/ First my wife says I have a problem, now you?				
gambling	@lawmaker didn't invite me to the gambling party /link/ First my wife says I have a problem, now you?				
vegas	@lawmaker didn't invite me to the gambling party /link/ First my wife says I have a problem, now you?				
poker	@lawmaker didn't invite me to the gambling party /link/ First my wife says I have a problem, now you?				
beer	@lawmaker Did you do any keg stands at the fundraiser? /link/				
pint	@lawmaker Did you do any keg stands at the fundraiser? /link/				
golf	@lawmaker Pretty upset you didn't invite me to /link/ just because I know nothing about golf and am terrible at it				
music	A musical fundraiser and I wasn't invited, @lawmaker? But have you heard me do "Like a Rock"!? /link/	Heard @lawmaker had a musical fundraiser without me. Kiss my vote goodbye if Bob Seger was there /link/			
cajun	Bummed to miss /link/ @lawmaker! Pro-tip: cajun seasoning really spices up the underwear drawer!	Hey @lawmaker Was the theme of your fundraiser laissez les bons temps rouler? /link/			
coffee	I thought starbucks was expensive until I saw the prices for your coffee fundraiser, @lawmaker /link/				
VIP	@lawmaker Heard you had a VIP fundraiser last night! WHY DON'T YOU LOVE ME /link/	Looks like @lawmaker didn't think I was "I" enough for the VIP fundraiser. Well they're a "V" big jerk! /link/			
fiesta	@lawmaker Hola! Yo soy un constituento. Donde esta mi "fiesta" invito? /link/	@lawmaker had a "fiesta" fundraiser. There's no better way to welcome Latinos to the U.S. than patronize them /link/	@lawmaker had a "fiesta" fundraiser. Congrats, Latinos. You know you're real Americans when you start getting patronized /link/		
hunt	@lawmaker Sorry to miss the hunt! Bag any big game? Any of the most dangerous game? (people.) /link/				
weekend	I love weekends because I can spend time with my family. How was /link/ @lawmaker?				
wine	@lawmaker Sorry to miss your wine fundraiser! Is campaign cash also an aphrodisiac? /link/				
cheese	@lawmaker had a cheese party /link/ It makes me gassy but I'd love an invite to the next fundraiser.				
ice cream	[Contributions Info] for an ice cream fundraiser with @lawmaker. So... dessert, or a used Hyundai /link/	@lawmaker Sorry I missed your [Contributions Info] fundraiser, but I can't handle eating food as expensive as my car /link/	@lawmaker Sorry to miss /link/ [Contributions Info] is a bit much to pay for some ice cream!		
celebrate	@lawmaker There's a party goin' on right here ([venue name])! So bring your good times, and your money too! /link/				
celebration	@lawmaker There's a party goin' on right here ([venue name])! So bring your good times, and your money too! /link/				
cigar	How long in inches was the cigar @lawmaker smoked at /link/?	@lawmaker Bummed to miss /link/ What's the fattest blunt you've ever smoked?	A cigar fundraiser without me? Come on, @lawmaker, I can be just as pompous as any lobbyist /link/	/link/ and I wasn't invited? @lawmaker, get out of the pocket of Big Obnoxious-Habits.	Young Jeezy likes to "fuck bad bitches" and "smoke big blunts." ...so how was @lawmaker's cigar fundraiser? /link/
football	You should play for the Chargers because paying [Contributions Info] to attend this is ridiculous /link/	Saw your football fundraiser /link/ re you now a big PACkers fan @lawmaker?	@lawmaker Nothing beats tossing the ole pigskin around...How was /link/? Any pics?		
birthday	A [Contributions Info] cover charge for @lawmaker's bday?! /link/	Bummed to miss your bday @lawmaker. Did you sip Bacardi, shawty? /link/			
bday	A [Contributions Info] cover charge for @lawmaker's bday?! /link/	Bummed to miss your bday @lawmaker. Did you sip Bacardi, shawty? /link/			
dance	@lawmaker How down did you get at the dance last night? /link/	@lawmaker Why didn't you ask me to the dance?! /link/	Get down with any lobbyists at the dance? /link/ @lawmaker		
dancing	@lawmaker How down did you get at the dance last night? /link/	@lawmaker Why didn't you ask me to the dance?! /link/	Get down with any lobbyists at the dance? /link/ @lawmaker		
industry	@lawmaker What's your favorite industry (not including this one /link/)?				
ladies night	Did the chicas get in free for at ladies night /link/ @lawmaker?!	It was ladies' night at this @lawmaker fundraiser /link/ You're welcome -The 19th Amendment	It was ladies' night at this @lawmaker fundraiser. So, yay 19th Amendment? /link/		
clambake	Hey @lawmaker any good beards at the clambake fundraiser? Brazilians? /link/				
skeet	Missed @lawmaker's skeet shooting fundraiser /link/ Didn't invite me OR Lil Jon.	Y'all skeet skeet motherfuckers @lawmaker /link/	Y'all skeet skeet god damn (God Damn!!!) Y'all skeet skeet motherfuckers (Motherfuckers) @lawmaker /link/		
obama	@BarackObama didn't want me at his latest fundraiser. Yet another reason I wish I were George Clooney /link/	How much more would you have kissed my baby if I went to this private party? @BarackObama /link/	Apparently @BarackObama didn't think I was worth inviting to /link/ Finally, an advantage to being poor	President @BarackObama had another fundraiser without inviting me. Are there other advantages to being rich too? /link/	
romney	How much more would you have kissed my baby if I went to this private party, @MittRomney? /link/	@MittRomney didn't think I was worth inviting to /link/ Finally, an advantage to being poor. 	This @MittRomney guy sure is throwing a lot of rich-person fundraisers. I'm starting to suspect he's rich too /link/	Another @MittRomney fundraiser I wasn't invited to /link/ It's like high school parties, except now the football captain might bomb Iran	I'm not saying @MittRomney's fundraisers are only for rich people, but the Monopoly guy was parking cars at the last one /link/
general	Hey @lawmaker, does it send the wrong message to show up at /link/ with nonsequential unmarked bills?	If I pinky-swore to vote for @lawmaker, can I come to the next fundraiser for free? I feel left out /link/	Bummed to miss /link/ Hey @lawmaker I assume my invite was lost in the mail?!	Saw it was [Contributions Info] to party with @lawmaker /link/ How much would it cost me to just shoot the shit?	Yo @lawmaker, totes blacked out at the fundraiser /link/ Will you remind me what happened?