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This is one of those “I didn’t have time to write you a short letter, so I wrote you a long one” kind of things. I was just trying to get it working but it spiraled out of control. If I had more time before vacation I would break this up in to smaller changes. Instead I'm just going to dump this on you with no expectation that you'll review or merge it. But hopefully it'll be a useful reference for changes you could make before I get back.
Edit
I ended up accidentally upgrading
@apollo/gateway
and theRemoteGraphQLDataSource#process
API changed and wasn't possible to call. I swapped it out with a fetch call — I'm pretty sure that'll be the right decision in the long run as the subgraph contract will always be an HTTP call.