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["Chuck Norris doesn't call the wrong number. You answer the wrong phone.",
"Chuck Norris has already been to Mars; that's why there are no signs of life.",
"Chuck Norris and Superman once fought each other on a bet. The loser had to start wearing his underwear on the outside of his pants.",
"Some magicans can walk on water, Chuck Norris can swim through land.",
"Chuck Norris once urinated in a semi truck's gas tank as a joke....that truck is now known as Optimus Prime.",
"Chuck Norris doesn't flush the toilet, he scares the sh*t out of it",
"Chuck Norris counted to infinity - twice.",
"Chuck Norris can cut through a hot knife with butter",
"Chuck Norris is the reason why Waldo is hiding.",
"Death once had a near-Chuck Norris experience",
"When the Boogeyman goes to sleep every night, he checks his closet for Chuck Norris.",
"Chuck Norris can slam a revolving door.",
"Chuck Norris once kicked a horse in the chin. Its descendants are known today as Giraffes.",
"Chuck Norris will never have a heart attack. His heart isn't nearly foolish enough to attack him.",
"Chuck Norris once got bit by a rattle snake........ After three days of pain and agony ..................the rattle snake died",
"Chuck Norris can win a game of Connect Four in only three moves.",
"When Chuck Norris does a pushup, he isn't lifting himself up, he's pushing the Earth down.",
"There is no theory of evolution. Just a list of animals Chuck Norris allows to live.",
"Chuck Norris can light a fire by rubbing two ice-cubes together.",
"Chuck Norris doesn’t wear a watch. HE decides what time it is.",
"The original title for Alien vs. Predator was Alien and Predator vs Chuck Norris. The film was cancelled shortly after going into preproduction. No one would pay nine dollars to see a movie fourteen seconds long.",
"Chuck Norris doesn't read books. He stares them down until he gets the information he wants.",
"Chuck Norris made a Happy Meal cry.",
"Outer space exists because it's afraid to be on the same planet with Chuck Norris.",
"If you spell Chuck Norris in Scrabble, you win. Forever.",
"Chuck Norris can make snow angels on a concrete slab.",
"Chuck Norris destroyed the periodic table, because Chuck Norris only recognizes the element of surprise.",
"Chuck Norris has to use a stunt double when he does crying scenes.",
"Chuck Norris' hand is the only hand that can beat a Royal Flush.",
"Chuck Norris does not sleep. He waits.",
"Chuck Norris tells a GPS which way to go.",
"Some people wear Superman pajamas. Superman wears Chuck Norris pajamas.",
"Chuck Norris's tears cure cancer ..... too bad he has never cried",
"Chuck Norris doesn't breathe, he holds air hostage.",
"Chuck Norris had a staring contest with Medusa, and won.",
"When life hands Chuck Norris lemons, he makes orange juice.",
"When Chuck Norris goes on a picnic, the ants bring him food.",
"Chuck Norris gives Freddy Krueger nightmares.",
"They once made a Chuck Norris toilet paper, but there was a problem: It wouldn't take shit from anybody.",
"Chuck Norris can punch a cyclops between the eyes.",
"Chuck Norris doesn't mow his lawn, he stands on the porch and dares it to grow",
"Chuck Norris put out a forest fire. using only gasoline",
"Chuck Norris CAN believe it's not butter."]