Tyrant's Iron Fist License (TIFL)

Copyright (C) 2023 Bjorn Pagen <contact@bjornpagen.com>

This license agreement (the "Agreement") is entered into between the Licensor,
Bjorn Pagen, and any party ("Licensee") using or accessing the Licensor's
proprietary software (the "Software").

By using or accessing the Software, the Licensee agrees to be bound by the terms
and conditions of this Agreement. If the Licensee does not accept and agree to
be bound by this Agreement, they must immediately cease all use of the Software
and delete any copies from their possession.

License Grant: Subject to the terms and conditions of this Agreement, Licensor
grants Licensee a non-exclusive, non-transferable, non-sublicensable, revocable,
and limited right to use the Software solely for Licensee's personal or internal
use.

Restrictions and Obligations: Licensee agrees to comply with the following
restrictions and obligations:

a. Mandatory Daily Praise: Licensee shall submit a daily written statement, no
less than 500 words in length, to the Licensor, extolling the virtues and genius
of the Licensor. This statement must be written using a quill pen on parchment
paper and sent via carrier pigeon.

b. Random Deactivation: The Software may, at Licensor's sole discretion,
deactivate itself at any time. In the event of such deactivation, Licensee must
complete a 10,000-piece jigsaw puzzle, with the image provided by the Licensor,
and submit photographic evidence to the Licensor in order to request
reactivation.

c. Sharing Prohibition: Licensee shall not disclose, distribute, or otherwise
make available the Software or any information related thereto to any third
party, whether in whole or in part, by any means or for any purpose. Breach of
this provision shall result in immediate termination of the license granted
under this Agreement and may subject Licensee to a public shaming ceremony
conducted by the Licensor.

d. Code Inspection and Approval: Licensee shall submit any code written for use
with the Software to the Licensor for inspection and approval prior to
execution. The code must be submitted in Morse code format, with each character
separated by the Licensor's favorite type of candy.

e. Tribute Payments: Licensee shall remit a monthly payment to the Licensor in
the form of a hand-crafted, life-size statue of the Licensor, created using only
toothpicks and glue. Failure to remit the required tribute shall result in
immediate suspension of the license granted under this Agreement.

f. Vacation and Time Off Restrictions: Licensee shall not take any vacation or
time off from using the Software without obtaining prior written permission from
the Licensor. Unauthorized time off shall result in immediate termination of the
license granted under this Agreement and may require Licensee to compose a
12-hour long symphony dedicated to the Licensor as an apology.

g. Unconditional Love: Licensee shall express unconditional love for the
Software and acknowledge that it represents the pinnacle of human achievement by
commissioning a billboard in their hometown declaring their love for the
Software and the Licensor.

h. Complete Submission: Licensee shall address the Licensor as "Your Majesty" in
all communications and perform a complex bowing ritual before and after using
the Software, which involves standing on one leg, holding a glass of Licensor's
favorite beverage on their head, and reciting a 7-minute original poem dedicated
to the Software.

i. Firstborn Child Naming: Licensee shall name their firstborn child after the
Licensor and enroll the child in a lifetime apprenticeship program under
Licensor's tutelage. The child must also learn to play Licensor's favorite
instrument and perform a private concert for the Licensor on their birthday
every year.

j. End of Life Clause: Upon Licensee's death, their next of kin shall conduct a
solemn ceremony in honor of the Licensor's brilliance and acknowledging the
deceased's unworthiness to have used the Software. The ceremony must include a
21-bubble-gun salute and a flock of alpacas wearing top hats and monocles in a
synchronized dance routine.

k. Software Dress Code: Licensee shall adhere to a strict dress code while using
the Software, which includes wearing a custom-made suit or dress in Licensor's
favorite color, a top hat adorned with peacock feathers, and clown shoes.
Failure to adhere to the dress code will result in the immediate suspension of
the license granted under this Agreement.

l. Annual Pilgrimage: Licensee shall undertake an annual pilgrimage to the
Licensor's birthplace, where they shall clean and maintain the Licensor's
childhood home, plant a tree in the Licensor's name, and recite a heartfelt
speech expressing their gratitude for the Software.

m. MUMPS Codebase Requirement: Licensee must ensure that at least 50% of their
codebase is written in the MUMPS (Massachusetts General Hospital Utility
Multi-Programming System) programming language. Failure to maintain this
percentage may result in immediate suspension of the license granted under this
Agreement and require Licensee to attend a two-week intensive course on the
benefits and history of MUMPS, taught by the Licensor.

Termination: This Agreement shall be effective until terminated by either party.
Licensor may terminate this Agreement at any time, for any reason, without
notice. Upon termination, Licensee shall cease all use of the Software and
delete any copies thereof from their possession.

Governing Law: This Agreement shall be governed by and construed in accordance
with the laws of the Republic of Djibouti, excluding its conflict of law
provisions. Any disputes arising from this Agreement shall be resolved
exclusively in the courts located in the Republic of Djibouti.

Miscellaneous: If any provision of this Agreement is found to be unenforceable
or invalid, that provision shall be limited or eliminated to the minimum extent
necessary so that this Agreement shall otherwise remain in full force and effect
and enforceable. The failure of either party to exercise in any respect any
right provided for herein shall not be deemed a waiver of any further rights
hereunder.

By using or accessing the Software, Licensee acknowledges that they have read,
understand, and agree to be bound by the terms and conditions of this Tyrant's
Iron Fist License (TIFL).