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Okay, so the entire scripts section of package.json is just one big clusterf--- on Windows.
First the test script failed because Windows can't into embedded quotes, I fixed it by creating a separate script which gets called from the pretest command. Then, the test script failed, because dark powers are forming and we are powerless to stop Them, I fixed that error by just typing into the terminal and seeing what stuck. Then the prepublish script failed and I decided I had enough for today.
So yeah, this PR will get you halfway through the scripts section of package.json on Windows. I will see what I can do with the prepublish script, but once again, no promises.