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Add the cackhanded journey
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norm committed Feb 24, 2021
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Expand Up @@ -251,3 +251,6 @@ title = "Chips for Week 34, 2020"
title = "My weekchips markers"

[1300893963344384000]

[1363512799327059973]
title = "Watching the Star Trek movies (cackhanded journey)"
211 changes: 211 additions & 0 deletions source/2021/02/21/star-trek-the-cackhanded-journey.markdown
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```
tweet_id = "1363512799327059973"
type = "tweet"
title = "Watching the Star Trek movies (cackhanded journey)"
published = 2021-02-21T15:13:38Z
retweets = 0
favourites = 5
source = "twitter"
twitter_account = "cackhanded"
source_url = "https://twitter.com/cackhanded/status/1363507178104053762"
tag = []
updated = 2021-02-21T15:35:58Z
thread_tweet_ids = [ 1363507178104053762, 1363507691562405890, 1363508296557158405, 1363508808694329346, 1363509038961598467, 1363509679272431616, 1363509982168297478, 1363510711398375426, 1363511081444990977, 1363511706924830721, 1363512038484545539, 1363512168415641603, 1363512799327059973,]
```

After [Roo attempted to troll Star Trek nerds][troll] with a loaded question,
he was [eventually inspired to actually watch the movies][watch], or at least
[the statistically good even-numbered ones][evens]. I offered to write up my recommendations
on which ones to watch for someone pretty unfamiliar with Star Trek.

Inspired by the self-aggrandising moniker "Machete Order" for the Star Wars
movies, I'll call this the [cackhanded][ch] journey. Unlike Machete, I'm not
trying to reshuffle things to preserve a big reveal. I'm just recommending
that you avoid watching certain films because they're not worth your time, and
giving you a bit of optional background TV research if you're new to Trek.


## The Original Series <del>six</del><ins>five</ins>

### The Motion Picture

Paramount's original [efforts to reboot Star Trek][phase2] morphed into a
movie, and we got The Motion Picture.

First, watch the episode [The Changeling][cl]. This has a similar plot to the
film, so it is interesting to contrast the low-budget TV treatment of the
Nomad probe (a meter-long metal box with some lights inside) with the
cinematic treatment of Vejur (a 21-meter model representing the 78-kilometer
wide vessel, itself at the centre of a projected energy cloud described as
being "over 82 AUs in diameter" — 12 billion kilometers, or twice the average
diameter of the orbit of Pluto).

Then watch The Motion Picture. It is not a great film, but it is worth
watching at least once if you've never seen it before. It's more sci-fi than
the action "Wagon Train to the stars" of the series, and is about the most
accurate realisation of what Gene Roddenbery wanted. It also made much less
money than Paramount expected and nearly killed Star Trek. Fortunately
Paramount went ahead with a sequel anyway, pushing Roddenberry to one side.

### The Wrath of Khan

Before the movie, watch the episode [Space Seed][ss] to learn who Khan is and
why he might be wrathful.

Meyer's movie is a tight action flick, and deliberately much more like the
series in tone. In my opinion it is the best of the Star Trek movies, and
one of my favourite movies ever.

Although I still can't get past the obvious "two-dimensional thinking".

<figure>
<img src="https://gifs.cackhanded.net/star-trek/wrath-of-khan/mutara-nebula.gif" alt="" width="480" height="248">
<figcaption>The USS Enterprise travelling through the Mutara Nebula</figcaption>
</figure>

### The Search for Spock

Before the movie, watch the episode [Errand of Mercy][eom], which introduced
Klingons to the series. Although we've already seen Klingons briefly in the
opening of The Motion Picture, they feature more heavily in this film.
Don't worry about them missing forehead ridges in the series.

The Search for Spock is a filler movie at best. It exists solely to reverse
two events from the previous movie, and get rid of two extras that didn't need
to be gotten rid of. Those characters could just have not appeared in the
later films. Especially given the original actress didn't return.

But it's worth watching once, maybe even twice if you are a fan of Christopher
Lloyd.

### The Voyage Home

Star Trek is not without humour, so in the next of the even-numbered "better"
films we have a fish out of water (pun definitely intended) film where the
main characters get to be out of their depth (somebody stop me).

If you are bored and have too much time on your hands, you could watch the
episode [Tomorrow is Yesterday][tiy] which introduces the slingshot manoeuvre
used in the film. But it's not a great episode. (You could also watch the
other time travel episode [Assignment: Earth][ae] to see something bizarre, a
backdoor pilot in a Trek episode.)

### <del>The Final Frontier</del>

Don't watch Star Trek V, just … don't. It commits the sin of introducing a
sibling never before mentioned, has a boring plot, and everyone starts
behaving stupidly.

Instead, you could watch the episode [Where No Man Has Gone Before][wnm].
This very early episode features an energy barrier at the edge of the galaxy
(a plot point repeated in the film, except it is now at the centre of the
galaxy, because Trek fans definitely don't care about details).

But you must definitely watch [Shatner of the Mount][mount], which is a music
remix made from one of the DVD extras. It is sublime, and the only good thing
to have come from this atrocity.

<figure>
<img src="https://gifs.cackhanded.net/shatner-of-the-mount/captain-kirk-is-climbing-a-mountain.gif" alt="" width="480" height="358">
<figcaption>"Captain Kirk is climbing a mountain"</figcaption>
</figure>

### The Undiscovered Country

Before watching The Undiscovered Country, you could watch more Klingon
episodes. [Friday's Child][fc] (Julie Newmar!) and [A Private Little War][plw]
are okay. [The Trouble with Tribbles][twt] is another lighthearted episode,
and worth seeing before you watch all of Deep Space 9. Which you definitely
should do, it's the best.

As a bit of a whodunnit (although the who is very obvious) and a bit of a
space battler, this is one of the three best Trek films. And you've not
experienced Shakespeare until you have read him in the original Klingon.


## The Next Generation <del>four</del><ins>three</ins>

### Generations

Before watching Generations, watch the Next Generation episode [Relics][rel]
which explores the ideas of the distance between generations, and that of
handing over from the previous to the next.

Generations isn't awful, but it also isn't that good. It is an episode's
worth of plot stretched to a movie length, but it's worth watching once.
Especially to see Shatner's last scene, given he doesn't ham it up as you
might expect.

### First Contact

If you don't know who the Borg are, you could watch the episode [Q Who][qw]
that introduces them. You should watch [Best of Both Worlds, parts 1&2][bobw]
to see the Borg properly take on the Federation (and a familiar looking
nebula), and [Descent][des] to see a more Data-centric take on dealing with
the Borg.

<figure>
<img src="https://mnf.m17s.net/2021/02/21/tng-nebula.jpg" alt="" width="480" height="331">
<figcaption>A familiar looking nebula</figcaption>
</figure>

This is an absolute cracker of a Star Trek film with great action sequences. I
was always slightly resistant to the introduction of a single avatar to
represent the hive-mind, but I guess that's futile.

I suppose she was for those less familiar with Trek to be able to focus on a
single villain doing nefarious things rather than an amorphous, abstract
threat of "being replaced". Because Invasion of the Body Snatchers was a
terrible film.

### Insurrection

If you still have time on your hands and like the character Data, you could
spend a couple of hours watching Insurrection. But just the once.

### <del>Nemesis</del>

As the exception that proves the rule, Nemesis is a bad even-numbered film.
Ignore Nemesis. It is basically poor fanfic (eek a spaceship with many much
lots weapons compared to the Enterprise; a previously unknown sibling, of
sorts) and has no redeeming features.


## Kelvin timeline <del>three</del><ins>two</ins>

If you are a fan of JJ Abrams, you might watch the first two of his reboot
films. But they're different in tone, take a lot of liberties with what I
consider to be the spiritual core of Trek, and are little more than average
action-comedy flicks.

The third one is pretty boring, destroys the Enterprise (a repetitive event
in the films) simply to strand people, and uses hip hop music as a weapon.

In redeeming features, I think Zachary Quinto portrays being Vulcan better
than Nimoy did, Benedict Cumberbatch is the best villain, and Karl Urban is
great as Bones. And they're far better than either Final Frontier or Nemesis.

However, I don't like that Kirk goes from being a capable and compassionate
leader to being a selfish child who basically trips and lands in the Captain's
chair. Don't @ me.


[troll]: https://twitter.com/rooreynolds/status/1362845702993362944
[watch]: https://twitter.com/rooreynolds/status/1362860181256871939
[evens]: http://littlespikeyland.com/st_odd_even.php
[ch]: https://twitter.com/cackhanded
[phase2]: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Star_Trek:_Phase_II
[cl]: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/The_Changeling_(Star_Trek:_The_Original_Series)
[ss]: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Space_Seed
[eom]: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Errand_of_Mercy
[tiy]: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Tomorrow_Is_Yesterday
[ae]: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Assignment:_Earth
[wnm]: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Where_No_Man_Has_Gone_Before
[mount]: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HU2ftCitvyQ
[fc]: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Friday%27s_Child_(Star_Trek:_The_Original_Series)
[plw]: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/A_Private_Little_War
[twt]: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/The_Trouble_with_Tribbles
[rel]: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Relics_(Star_Trek:_The_Next_Generation)
[qw]: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Q_Who
[bobw]: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/The_Best_of_Both_Worlds_(Star_Trek:_The_Next_Generation)
[des]: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Descent_(Star_Trek:_The_Next_Generation)

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