DISCLAIMER: besides the fact you're most probably using some sort of computerized device to view this content, this project has nothing to do with Candy Crush® (whatever that is, AFAIK not much else than yet another platform game providing some incentive to ignore what really matters in Life, the Universe and Everything)1.
can-dee-crush is a magical apparatus that transforms 0.5l Beer© cans into high-quality roof tiles for your garden shed, a homeless shelter or a fancy earthship. At the moment, aluminium cans are readily available and cheap (unless returnable where you live) : at the time of this writing, a scrap dealer in Shitzerland or any "best democracy in the space-time continuum" will buy them for less than 0.4 cents/piece (yes, cents! not dollars) ; without the staples, this means around 50¢/m² for a roof tiling that is durable, hail-proof, colorful and will even reflect sunlight back into outer space better and cheaper than any other material at a comparable cost (making them great against global warming : since they are so cheap, they are the perfect choice to cover ice floes and the soon-to-be-gone mountain glaciers - at the current rate even mountains will be gone soon). They also have a great social value, since those who need homes the most are usually those who are most depressed and have little choice but to drink the cheapest Beer© available ; in a near future they will even replace Vogon United©, Pokmohon© and Magic : The Glithering© cards (which are no way as durable nor useful) : some rare colorful patterns will obviously become collectibles and it will be very hype to display them proudly on a creepy alley shelter, turning that very same alley into something so much better than New York's Tate Modern or London's Ultimate Museum Of Modern Art. The prophecy will then be fulfilled as “those who are last now will be first then, and those who are first will be last” (Matthew 20:16) and even Holy Eelon will be out-of-the-game because there is no way he can catch up with drinking that much (and there are no breweries setup or even planned on Venus).
Nominal transformation rate was set at 1bps2 or some 86400 tiles per planetary day, that means you need to drink a little over 43 cubic meters of Beer© in just 24 hours in order to saturate the device (that's almost 16 million liters each year) ; therefore, if the entire world's Beer© consumption was to come out of 50cl cans, only 125 of such devices would be required to transform these cans into roughly 25 km² of roof surface each year but that's OK because at the current rate of alcoholism in earthlings it would take a little more than twenty thousand years to cover the entire surface of the somewhat moist, definitely wandering piece of rock we are stuck on until futher notice.
In practice and since most of the actual crushing action takes place during 60° of a full revolution, operation will be smoothened with a 6-cylinder can-dee-crush. Preliminary data suggests the rate can be raised to 1.6-1.8 bps per cylinder, increasing the throughput by a factor 10 or so ; since only a fraction of the Beer© flows through 50cl cans, it can be assumed that a single machine would be sufficient to deal with the Earth's entire production and demand. Moreover, by properly serializing the input channel, a capacity of roughly 100 cans/second3 is probably a reasonable goal (but then there wouldn't be enough such cans produced planetwide).
Cheers!
- Lots of Beer© cans
- a number of ball bearings (optional but highly recommended)
- for durability, it is suggested to use the following materials for the build4:
- chassis: aluminium plate, preferably the same thickness as the ball bearings ; welding is the preferred method of assembly
- crushing shoes: hard wood or massive aluminium, eventually bronze ; in case of aluminium it is imperative to add some low friction spacer such as PTFE
- gears: brass or bronze (zero twist allows for laser or waterjet cutting)
- axles: steel, preferably stainless
- steel springs
https://github.com/petaflot/scadlib